playmate101
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2004 19 June :: 12.16am
:: Mood: curious
:: Music: anthem of our dying day // story of the year
just a ghost to the world. thats exactly what i need.
yuh. i did a few chores today. then jackie & i went to the mall. i got the cutest outfit from Abercrombie & Fitch =) & she got a few things from Hollister =) i'm glad she has a car, otherwise we'd never see each other.
Got home, showed carol my new outfit, um... she tried it on =) and she got a new Bebe outfit, but i didn't try that on, although it could be useful for later. um... went over there.... babysat. lotsa freaking kids. idk who is paying me, or if i'm getting any money. but i had fun for the most part. i walked in and daniel was making fun of the gay dude on road rules, so i made fun of daniel & gave him a big wedgie, then all the girls giggled & laughed, then i played hide & seek with them... unfortunately they got bossy & annoying so we decided to play monopoly.... then it got annoying with that because these are some spoiled rotten, bad attitude kids. so i quit & watched t.v. while they finished playing. then they jumped in bed.... i gave them their kisses goodnight... lalala and they just hung out... within 15 minutes all the parents came home.
got a call from santos... lord knows what's wrong with him. crazy kid. thank god he said he had to go.
talking to jonah, neil & felipe right now. jonah & felipe are trying to embarrass each other. jonah made out with his pillow pretending it was a mermaid when he was 5 yrs. old & felipe wet his bed til he was 9 yrs. old. boy do i love being in the middle. lol <3 neil got very.... yuh.... funny kid. at times he thought he was dead. lol <3
anyways, i'm off to.... idk where. clean up my bed. there's so much crap on it cause i don't like putting things away after i take them out. a habit i need to break. lalala goodnight loves.
danielle lemme know if we are going sunday night er.... not =/
take my hand
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christini
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2004 18 June :: 8.04pm
it seems i havent updated this thing in centuries....... yeah. yeah yeah. april. dadadamn. i neglect this woohu thing. why did i pay my two dollars? who knows.
summer has been fun. relaxing, no work, sun, friends, f.u.n. i love love love it. people who say they get bored over summer when they're by themselves dont know what theyre talking about. i cant seem to find enough to do all the stuff i want to do. <3
summer school starts next week : (
but its only 11, or maybe 10 days. so. the countdowns already relatively low from the first day :). im excited/scared to have him in school with me. we'll see.
i feel like im finding a new person in me.
2 lost in the moment |
take my hand
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lifesuxsodanz
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2004 18 June :: 12.16am
:: Mood: sad...
ok so today...woke up early went to conditioning...managed to stay compleately concious this time thank you very much. lol I'm still sore as fuck but it's a good hurt I suppose. Yeah so then lauren talked me into going to a yoga class with her at 7....so I went home ate took a bath got some sleep then she picked me up. lol of course she read the sheet wrong and the class started a 1/2 hour earlier then she thought so instead of being late we decided to impose on michelle who mind you had JUST walked in the door after a 5 hour car ride from college orientation.
Yeah so we showed up with ice cream and cookie dough and...red bull? no don't ask and had an all out festivus. Yeah so still duno when I am going up to UF with michelle but they're starting to get concerned about me being drunk jailbait when I'm there...I'll have to stay away from the boys (to some extent) so we don't get them in trouble....bleh 16 should so be legal. Yeahh....so we stayed in michelles room until Sex and the City was over and our sugar highs were starting to wear off before we were kicked out. Then I came home and did probably THE hardest thing I have ever had to do...
Evan is gone....compleately he is no longer a part of my life. We are never going to speak again. I know I have tried this before and always went back but it's just...done it didn't end on a good note or anything don't get me wrong he didnt agree that it was necessary to not speak anymore but it can't work any other way. I couldn't be friends with him while I still had these feelings as much as he hurts me and pisses me off you can't just make feelings like that go away. So basically his last words were that he vowed to stop caring about me and speaking to me and to continue to until he died....oh yeah that and fuck off. There was a lot of talking before that though I got out most of the stuff I had been carrying around. He just couldnt get it...it's part of the reason it would have never worked...we just see things differently. I tired the best I could to make him understand.
I haven't felt it yet I won't for a while...right now it just feels like another fight with more of my drama craving satisfied but in a few days I will feel his absense. As rare as it was that we actually saw each other I have talked to him every single day for over a year and a half he's the one I tell EVERYTHING to...or he was it always mattered to me what he thought of me or what I was doing. He'll never get how much I cared about him either he's determined to believe that he didn't matter to me at all...but there is no setting him right now. It's over and it's time to move on. I'm going to have to be strong and get through this and learn to trust somebody new. Learn to trust anybody at all for that matter. Thank you so much to the people who listened to all of my melodrama and were there for me when I needed to vent. You all know who you are and I love you for it it really takes a true friend to listen to all of that shit. Like I said I lost a lot this year...my best friend...the only guy I have ever really cared about...some things I had worked really hard for (not elaborating on that)....my ambition my intelligence.....and quite possible...my sanity.
the consolation is that I have my life I suppose...may I should start appreciating the things I have because losing comes so eaisly to people like me....he always said I was impossible.
but I can't call you up no more
and no we can't just be friends
I know I had to let you go
but I will not be broken...
Jess<\3
2 lost in the moment |
take my hand
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playmate101
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2004 17 June :: 10.10pm
:: Music: JUST LET ME CRY // ASHLEE SIMPSON
everyone moves on
yeah everyone is headed for the world of livejournal.com. i'm there.... just not completely.
i woke up early. 12ish. talked to jonah. watched my soaps. casual day. with ANOTHER headache.
got kaila's invite. gurrrlllll of course i'm going =) danielle & i are gonna show up dressed like paris & nicky, u know. haha <3
MISTER NEIL GOT HIS LICENSE. <333 i miss him so much. ahhh.
yeah so i've been listening to this song ALL day. sounds like no doubt... but no its definitely ashlee simpson =)
went to my park vista cheerleading meeting. new coach. yeah she's pretty cool. um... we got all our camp clothes in... but i can't get it til i pay for it in full. they made us pay $147.15 today... and next time we pay another $147.15 i think & then we get clothes? idk total = $294.30. plus the camp itself which was $110. which adds up to $404.30. good stuff. i'm glad my parents don't bitch about cheerleading. we're using Palm Beach Elite's gym for gym days. awesome! wayyyyy better than cheerformance with atlantic. SHHHHHIIIIITTTTTT. thank god i'm cheering here. =)
lalalalalala i love dancing in the panties =)
um... anyways... i have major babysitting tomorrow night 1,2,3,4,5,6, maybe 7 kids? idk it won't be a good pay either... if any. i wish jonah could accompany me? but i don't think he would approve. ahhh.... he's probably going to read this... five days from now. lala MUAH BABAY! xoxo
um Britt called me. ugh. 1/2 hour of worthless talking. yeah he called cause he was bored. and then i was like, "o thanks" and he goes "no... i just needed a reason to call u cause i have been wanting to, but i can't cause u will think i'm weird, so now that i have a reason... i can call" i was like... ugh just go away. but w/e
o and last night ryan called too. poor boy sprained his ankle, fractured it, pulled a muscle... he doesn't know & neither do i. but hopefully he doesn't need a cast. so weird. i never thought him & i would end up as good of friends as we are now. he calls me like every other day. idk its awesome. he's the best outta the LOS boys. he knows it too. he should be coming back from boca....... sunday? i won't be able to see him tho.
sunday night = rooney concert... if danielle & i get to go. we'll see. i'm ready. =)
ok headache again. groton's parents are looking to buy a house in the LOS again WEEEEEEEEEE yay! awesome +cries+ that would be a dream. next shooting star i see..... i have to wish upon it for her. <3
DyingEyes608: robert called me back......told me we needed to get off the drugs
out. <3 holllllllllllll - er u sexay thang.
take my hand
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theroofisonfire
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2004 17 June :: 10.04pm
:: Mood: not nervous enough
:: Music: none!
last day of school tomorrow. FINALLY.
EDIT: thats right. its a dolphins theme.
yeah so its been a long time. and i didnt waste 2 dollars for this thing. well Briana didnt waste 2 dollars for it. Thank you Briana.
yes thats right tomorrow is the final day of school. i have my physical science exam and then thats it! summer vacation! finally. i'm worried though because i dont htink i'm nervous enough for this exam. i need to be more nervous. i'm just like wasting my time here while i should be studying. next year, my last year of high school, i'm going to like really study and do super good. i promise.
its getting nice and warm around here. it really is. i'm getting that southern color back on my epidermis which is so good because i was so pale around january and february. you know what? i cant wait to come home and visit you guys because it truly has been way too long. i'm worried about conflicting with summer school though. so for those of you who DONT have summer school maybe you'll see a lot of me. i hope that isnt a problem.
Pistons won the NBA title. good job boys and the lightning (thats right... the tampa bay lightning) won the NHL title. thumbs up.
i havent been online too much. my parents are a little constricting on that part of my life. and i so should have signed up for soccer this summer but was too late for the registration. oh well. so yeah i dont have anything real to complain about and um i hope to talk to you soon.
4 lost in the moment |
take my hand
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alwaysfalling
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2004 17 June :: 5.05pm
:: Mood: curious
:: Music: josh kelley - believe
so since my last depressing journal, that was friends only, haha, shut all you nosey or too cheap to pay for woohu out, the past couple of days have been enjoyable. christina rescued me wednesday night from my bedroom and brought me over to hers to show me her hot short skirt. she fed me oreos and milk, and we watched tv and she got me smiling again. i kept her up til 4 with my picture taking, and all my talking, about things i can't even remember, probably about boys. woke up at 10 to watch reruns of those silly people that run along dawson's creek. i'm almost am hooked, i just need someone to wake me up at 10 every morning to watch it. she made me breakfast and we hung around and then my mom came to pick me up. went home, she left for work, i was happy. after my date canceled on me, i took to the tv and watched movies til 6 when dad came home, finished monster, then he took me out to dinner. came home, and i went to christina's house. watched the end of moulin rouge with them, flipped the channels, talked a bit, went upstairs, talked some more while watching down with love, then i left, went to the guest room, checked to make sure there wasn't a monster in the closet, and went to bed. tina woke me up at 10:30 like i asked her to and i found out that her and christine didn't sleep at all the night before. funny, crazy girls. we watched dawson's creek and then decided to walk to taco bell. mmm... yummy food! we got 4 honks from various cars, 2 times from the mailman, eww. i was a multi-tasker on the way home, got my apartment finder magazine, swedish fish, and soda and walked. we passed these girls and i heard them whisper, "we could take them", they were like in 7th grade, losers. came home and crashed, then i left and now i'm home alone again. yay.
and now i just wonder. everyone goes to summer school next week, but then again, i will be leaving too. family time in north carolina. i'm excited. i will get tan, be more in shape, and happier i hope by the time i get home.
<3
5 lost in the moment |
take my hand
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playmate101
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2004 17 June :: 12.22am
:: Mood: bitchy
:: Music: THiRD WHEEL // UPPER CLASS TRASH
life is stunning. or not.
i feel like someone gave me a million diamonds... but nobody did.
o0o0o0o ELLEN! uh... i got a call from this place today... called JOHN ROBERT POWERS *shrug* they offered me an interview... idk but i know my mommy won't let me do it either... i wish i could sign too. maybe if u can convince ur parents? 561-655-2777 EXT. 207. i don't know that's what they told me to call.... if i can convince my parents to say yes. lalala. i'm in the same situation... maybe we can work out a plan to get outta all this and make this work FOR us instead of AGAINST us? idk <3
anyways..... i fought with daddy today. duh! he thinks i am going anorexic or something? idk i don't even want to talk about it. +hide me+ besides that... after danielle left... i got rejected AGAIN my mommy taking me to see jonah... and then brittany offered... but yeah THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN. uh. o well. so i was dragged to brandsmart to look for kitchen appliances with the rest of the family. that was enjoyable. not. the only part that was... was when i was dancing like crazy to songs from different radios & mommy caught me and gave me a funny look. then me & my brother were pretending to jump off the second floor... and TAZ the guy that was helping my parents look for appliances yelled at us. um... then when i was singing to random songs.... mommy gave me another funny look... i do need to do more songwriting tho. i put it off.... but i've had ideas popping left and right.... i just don't write it down. stupid blonde. yikes.
jonah isn't in a good mood. so i guess i should just steer away from him tonight cause i guess i'm making him in a less enjoyable mood than he already is... and i don't like doing that. wish i knew how to cheer the boy up. i love boys. hehe.
um... i watched SIMPLE LIFE 2. good stuff. then i watched the ashlee simpson show. damn that inspires me so much. her & her boyfriend broke up tho. =/ cute couple... but not meant for each other. o well there are many fish in the sea. umm.... independence is always something every girl has to count on. i know i do. its just natural.
so i'm out. wow christian is online. i gotta talk to him! <3 peace. xoxo
1 lost in the moment |
take my hand
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lifesuxsodanz
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2004 16 June :: 9.42pm
www.livejournal.com/~alasitslove
BAH sold out to LJ woohu will always be my first love I will stay loyal. lol I feel like such a sheep. NEway so today I woke up soooo sore from conditioning you have no idea I havn't done that much physical activity in weeks. So I decided to sit my ass on the couch and watch pride and predjudice for the millionth time not only because I am a big loser but because it makes me happy and it's a nice sweet love story...*sigh* yeah that and it's 5 and 1/2 hours so I didn't have to move around a lot. Back to conditioning tomorrow...kill me now
~love~
haha I didn't think it was all that bad but here it is....
My life is rated NC-17.
What is your life rated?
take my hand
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playmate101
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2004 16 June :: 5.51pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: #7 on Writings on the Wall // Destiny's Child
plain jane neighborhood fun.
hehe. ms. danielle groton slept over last night. party!
walked over to jb's & mike's house. got them. then jb made me a seal and threw hula hoops over me. ummm then franky came outside. we all talked and then went to franky's house. um... franky is nasty. that is the end of that story. so we ran to my house & grabbed money & took a long walk to albertsons. ummm frank's friend picked him up 1/2 way there. thank god. um... we got there and everyone working gave us a look like we were high, but i don't do that shit. so i said something to jb and he tackled my ass straight on the floor in the middle of aisle 6B.... yikes. we bought gummy worms & coke & stuff... then my stupid debit card didn't work. ugh! so danielle paid for it. i owe her. um.... we got stuck in the rain. walking back. so we chilled under the gas station & then i said "fcuk it, i'm gettin' my ass home b4 it rains harder" so we took a "short cut" according to mike... but it didn't feel like a short cut. it was more of a field of dirt & mud. whatever we made it home around... 11:30pm. then they came over to my house and we sat in my porch playing monopoly forever. jb & mike are evil players. yikes. so around 2am they left & danielle & i sat around my room... talking... girly junk... remembering old times.. music..... u know the drill. we found an interesting discovery that trevor from last boy standing in the YM magazine is on facethejury.com. ironic. we don't have lives. then we final went to bed around 5am. but we stayed up an extra 1/2 hour cause my dad tooted outta his ass in his sleep & we heard it.... from the living room. so yeah then we had the giggles. but we eventually fell asleep. danielle woke me up around noon... i can't blame her... i sleep like a rock but there is so much noise in my house... w/e. then we called over jb and mike. we played monopoly AGAIN and mike kicked our ass... AGAIN.... biatch. we will get him one day. uhhhh... then we sat in my room beating the shit outta each other for pillows and blankets. that was an LOS moment. i wish i had a video camera. the things u tend to do when u get bored. so many personalities together... so different, yet we all get along so easily. it would just prove that every clique in high school has the ability to get along.
frank = goth, jb = jew/ wannabe surfer / wigger, danielle g = wild, brittany = party girl, michael = computer geek, robert = car dude, ryan = boca boy / party/ surfer, me = small preppy girl, danielle b = funny, open-minded, trent = druggy / thinks he is hot & can get any girl attitude, shane = the only black dude haha muah!, travis = druggy, courtney = party / funny / crazy girl.
wow. but i miss those days. anyways i just took a shower & since mommy has bitched that she doesn't WANT to take me anywhere.... this means once again i have been rejected to see jonah. w/e him & alexie are going to the movies. already saw the movie tho. =/ enjoy muah! <3
taken from ellen <333 ya girly! xoxo
My life is rated PG-13.
What is your life rated?
1 lost in the moment |
take my hand
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lifesuxsodanz
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2004 15 June :: 12.45pm
sore...tired...bleh
god I forgot how much work it was to not be lazy and fat...first day of conditioning went alright except for the fact that I almost blacked out...again! This heat exhuastion thing is so fuckin annoying I try to just stick it out and work but then everything goes fuzzy and the world starts spinning and I feel like i'm slipping in and out of conciousness. It makes me feel so weak I can't stand it. Ms. Dicillo got really freaked out because all of the color like drained from my face except for around my eyes I looked like I was dead or something. Yeah so that was the fun adventure on the track afterwards we went inside and did crunches and worked in the weight room and I was fine. Thank god I'm going to start dancing again soon I hate losing everything over the summer.
It was good though because it gave me something to channel my rage and get my mind off of...things. And human interaction was actualy kind of nice maybe I will start calling my friends again...stop being all antisocial. We'll see.
I just realized how much money I'm really going to need for gainsville I better stop spending what I have. I gotta chip in for gas and tolls I need to pay for a weeks worth of food then there's alcohol which is probably the biggest expense lol. bah idc I'd sell my kidney to get away from here if it was necessary.
yup so...grrrrr that's all I have to say. I'm so happy for Jenn finally letting go of Austin I know how hard that is believe me. It takes more will power than I've ever had. I wanna do something but I don't wanna plan it so somebody call me with a proposal...lol either that or I'll just sit at home some more...either way
Regrettably Yours,
~Jess~
1 lost in the moment |
take my hand
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lifesuxsodanz
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2004 15 June :: 7.32am
arghhhh
yeah well Ashley P warned me last night about going to bed angry but Idid it anyway...now here it is 7:30 in the morning and I am getting ready to go work out for 4 hours on like 2 hour sleep. Yes ladies and gentlemen we have officially found the cause of my insomnia. No names right now...it's high time for a friends only entry I need to vent without restraint because god knows who reads this anymore. But...no time right now plus I just can't handle it. I was right anyway....never trust happiness good things in my life are not meant to last or work out.
i'm off to conditioning let's just leave it that i'm pissed off beyond belief for now...
~Jess~
take my hand
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playmate101
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2004 14 June :: 9.15pm
:: Mood: i want 2 party.
:: Music: one way or another // blondie
its life.
one day - fighting with ur boyfriend because ur jealous.... and selfish.
another day - hanging out with a friend... just a simple girl's night & enjoying loud music, laughs, talks & movies.
then u get a voice message from ur boyfriend & remember why u told him yes when he asked u out 8 months ago. and u spend endless hours of the nights on the phone talking & torturing. only he knows tho.
plus u get ur hair cut & do some shopping.... not spending any of ur OWN money.... its awesome. <333
confessions of a blonde bombshell. fun. sexy. pretty. innocent. lovable. cute. hot. wild. crazy. girly. glam. i want to party. dance on tables, dress up, & just have fun like paris & nicky. what a wild girl. <3 me. enjoy ur summer. cause i am enjoying mine.
2 lost in the moment |
take my hand
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lifesuxsodanz
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2004 14 June :: 7.16pm
Blah...
I'm bored....sat around all day I did eventually get to sleep last night though which is good.
Michelle is away at preview with Hillary won't be back till thursday...
Conditioning starts tomorrow that means I have to get up early...I don't know how well that is going to go over but god knows I need to start working out again.
I feel bad I can't go to that thing with danielle on tuesday I just...idk I don't wanna ask too much because even though we're not gunna be drinking or smoking or anything I still don't know the people and his parents arent home and my mom will get suspicious if I ask. Then the minute I say I wanna go with danielle she'll be all suspicious of danielle again...I just got them over all that I don't want to be forbidden from my friends ever again...blah
I'm...happy yet...skeptical about it....does that make sense? Everything is ok but they never seem to stay that way...I think I'll be able to tell better at the end of this week, maybe more will make sense.
anyway...enough of this
~Love~
1 lost in the moment |
take my hand
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alwaysfalling
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2004 14 June :: 2.40am
new background, thanks to tina <3
yeah, not falling in love with anyone quite yet, but if tina says it's true, then it must be.
i had a nice day today. this whole entire weekend was nice. mmm... you know why and if you don't, that's too bad.
talked to ashley today. coming down in july to accompany me to concerts... i really hope she does, tallahassee sounds like country-ville.
me: what'd you do today?
ashley: worked in the yard
me: all day?
ashley: yeah... i'm so sunburnt
... later
ashley: we have storms every night like right when it is around that time you go out
me: that sucks
ashley: our phones haven't worked since last night.
.... next conversation
me: what are you doing now?
ashley: watching tv in the guest bedroom, i don't even have cable in my room yet
all i have to say is thank god for cell phones.
i wish to get tanner tomorrow if the weather allows. i should go to bed, but i'm sure my thinking will keep me awake. why do i think so much about you? you leave me lying in my bed at night with countless thoughts. grrr....
<3
take my hand
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lifesuxsodanz
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2004 14 June :: 12.29am
**New Layout** (again)
I need something real I can hold on to...It's so hard feeling this way...I'm just tired of being confused and unsure. I'm tired of waiting what the fuck are we waiting for now. But I know...I'm not going to say a word...just keep living in denial.
more lyrics:
if you've got something left to say
you'd better say it now
anything but "stay"
just say it now
we know we've reached the end
we just don't know how
"well at least we'll still be friends"
yeah one last useless vow...
"there are different ways to live"
yeah i know that stuff
"other ways to give"
yeah all that stuff
but holding onto used to be
is not enough
memory's not life
and it's not love
we should let it all go
it never stays the same
so why does it hurt me like this
when you say that i've changed?
when you say that i've aged?
say i'm afraid...
and all the tears you cry
they're not tears for me
regrets about your life
they're not regrets for me
it never turns how you want
why can't you see?
it all just slips away
it always slips away
eventually...
so if you've got something left to say
just say goodbye
turn your face away
and say goodbye
you know we've reached the end
you just don't know why
and you know we can't pretend
after all this time
so just let it all go
nothing ever stays the same
so why does it hurt me like this
to say that i've changed?
to say that i've aged?
say i'm afraid...
but there are long nights when i lay awake
and i think of what i've done
of how i've thrown my sweetest dreams away
and what i've really become
and however hard i try
i will always feel regret
however hard i try
i will never forget
i will never forget
~The Cure~
take my hand
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