alwaysfalling
|
::
2004 25 September :: 12.55am
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: tps - brand new colony
i really hate crying about school.
the thoughts about everything just won't go away and i just can't take it and just breakdown.
looking at those pictures from orlando, thought those could cheer me up, but they didn't.
i got my psych test back today and i was just like.... what am i going to do?
like i have no freaken clue.
how am i going to do this?
is it possible?
can this hurricane just take me away?
<3
take my hand
|
lifesuxsodanz
|
::
2004 22 September :: 8.52pm
forgive me...
im so sorry woohu...: (
I don't want us to drift apart too
I feel like I don't even know certain people anymore it's so sad and NO it's not michelle she always thinks i'm talking about her.lol
School is upsetting everyone has beaten it to death I won't go into the details....but it truely is disheartening to actually try and care and still not excel...I mean as of now I think I have straight Bs except for As in english and dance....that's really not so bad but I am BUSTING my ass for those mediocre grades and it can really only go down from here. Last year I got Bs just from not doing anything and when I think of all the slacking off I did....man if I tried last year I woulda ha straight As it's ridiculous. But actually giving a shit does come with the stress and the obligation to do well...these days I will stay up until 2am and study even if I know it won't help....just so I can say I tried I feel guilty if I don't.
So i run on 3-4 hours of sleep and don't eat much during the day and typically don't get home until about 6:30 and it is having some major side effects. I keep slippin gback into that altered hormonal state of conciousness where I get these depressed breakdowns and rage outbursts I can't control it. I had one of my episodes while I was driving somewhere last weekend and ended up alone in some random parking lot in the middle of the night
in a kinda bad area just trying to calm the fuck down and get home. It was scary.
I really can't even think about guys right now...there is this one guy who seems nice but shy and I don't approach him unless people force me to. I'm not into persuing anything right now I just need a nice happy thought....when you get close to people you realize they are assholes at heart it's just a general rule.
maybe I'll find someone to get "close" with at Danielle party haha. I'm loving this fuck homecomming idea hopefully it will work out.
wow this was pretty depressing good thing no one pays attention to this journal anymore.
I missed you woohu
<3
5 lost in the moment |
take my hand
|
christini
|
::
2004 18 September :: 12.34pm
it will be a miracle if i get all a's and b's this quarter.
i hate junior year,
but i love all the fun that has come out of it. i feel like im slowly letting go of my studies and that frightens me a bit.
my parents still think im striving for national merit scholarship and all that junk, when all i want is to do the bare minimum to get my behind into UF. cause frankly, i'm sick of working hard. but then on the other side, i dont know how i'd react to seeing a c on my report card. shrug. i wish it just came more easily to me like it does to some people.
have a nice weekend.
take my hand
|
playmate101
|
::
2004 3 September :: 11.56pm
i haven't updated this journal very much.... s0o just a reminder, if you wanna read or find my life interesting... i use...
L I V E J O U R N A L !
take my hand
|
sameen
|
::
2004 3 September :: 3.11pm
no one can make u feel inferior without your consent
take my hand
|
|
sameen
|
::
2004 3 September :: 3.06pm
peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly, peanut butter wit a baseball bat
take my hand
|
|
sameen
|
::
2004 2 September :: 6.32pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Old 80's/90's music
so damn hot but so youngg- ok that's not that 90's music lol
I think my houses is one of the few houses that the windows rn't boarded up lol. I think besides that, we're ready. My mom spent $80 just on candles- she's crazy. She loves candles and flowers- what girl doesn't, I guess? Everything in our house is falling apart neway lol, so I think my parents dont care at this point. But in all seriousness I hope everyone does stay safe and takes the right precautions.
I wonder where we will all be in two years from now ? I guess another chapter in the book of our lives. I really hope I keep in touch wit some of u ppl tho, cuz some of u totally rock. If u dont know how u r, somethin wrong witchu! Seriously, we all have so much potential. We CAN be the people who CHANGE THE FREAKIN WORLD, if we apply ourselves. Everything starts with an intention. And if ur intention is strong enough, God sees it through.
1 lost in the moment |
take my hand
|
|
lifesuxsodanz
|
::
2004 29 August :: 2.39am
:: Mood: nostalgic
walk down memory lane....
well i already updated lj for the night so here i am again....i am being such a journal slut.
but anyway just had the most random conversation with john he hasn't tlked to me that much since school started and he IMs me out of nowhere tonight and starts getting all nostalgic and talking about things in the past that i don't think he even admitted to me back then...it was weird lol he eventually informed me he had been drinking and it all made sense.
i got over john a long time ago but i liked that we were still able to maintain some kind of friendship...we really had a lot of fun times together haloween...playing in the fountains at cityplace....hema's party....the back of danielle's dad's truck.... going to the movies....kicking nick out of the car lol....all of the stories i used to write him and the odd random text messages that would like brighten my day, he was the only one i managed to stay in contact with while i was grounded last yr it saved my sanity really...lol the day i took him shopping and we went on our adventure to publix and the "lake" by my house and the bookstore because i really am kinda smart lol...so many inside jokes it was just nice to look back and to know that he hasn't forgotten all of the good times. He's really happy with kassie now though and i really am happy for him because when you get down to it he's a pretty good guy.
wow this entry was so like upbeat and positive idk where that came from. i'm gunna have to be such a bitch to him nxt time we tlk to make up for it lol
<3
take my hand
|
|
lifesuxsodanz
|
::
2004 22 August :: 7.07pm
:: Mood: content
weekend...
*sigh* i've been too busy playing with livejournal to update this one. actually i have been too busy updating in general that is always a bad sign. Whenever im fucking around on these things are times i should eithe rbe doing homework or pretending that i actually have a life of some kind.
went to the movies last nite slept thru friday night and then my grandparents came over today. After they left i took the money they gave me and went out in search of the garden state soundtrack. i found it NOWHERE. but i did get to take the car and drive around even if i did stay within 15 minutes of my house. i love having the car to myself and i was actually fine. well...minus one near fiasco in a certain parking lot. no one woulda been hurt just a car but eh....ha i think i will keep that one my little secret. lol my god women really can't drive i wish i could do a study on it.
oh yeah psych test tomorrow and a whole assload of other stuff to get done. i better stop with this. love to all...
~Jess~
take my hand
|
|
sameen
|
::
2004 21 August :: 11.01am
Everyone had moved on the livejournal. I feel guilty for not using this. But I like woohu. I think everyone has moved onto livejournal besides Kaila and Sam ?
Well after getting sort of a pattern for school, it feels a bit better. But I don't wanna focus on anything negative in this entry. School's great cuz I get to see all the familar faces... that part is awesome. I have friends in ALL my classes. And even if I don't, I have the ability 2 make new friends and not be resistant 2 change. It'll be ok. There r worse things than this. And I really do like some of the subjects. I like learning- just the test/quiz aspect of it. But u know, life is all about becomin a better person and broadening your horizons, and yeah.. we'll never be finished wit that, but why not strive. If no one's with me, then I guess it's me against the world.. and that ok :D
2 lost in the moment |
take my hand
|
|
playmate101
|
::
2004 20 August :: 11.32pm
:: Mood: energetic
:: Music: breakaway // kelly clarkson
i won't forget all the ones that i love // kelly clarkson
i'm not sure what i want to say, or what i want to do right now, but, yeah.... goodnight.
i'll help u cope with it. i'm nothing. remember that. mean nothing, am nothing for u.
don't u think its amazing how u feel so skinny when u're doing certain things?! lol.
for real now, goodnight ---> u hot people.
take my hand
|
|
christini
|
::
2004 20 August :: 10.11pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: finch- letters to you
woohu is in neglect.
i don't really get it.. we all pay to keep our accounts here.. and then immediately stop using this and move to livejournal.
shows how we love to throw money out the door : )
even though it's only two bucks, but still!
yeah, that's the cheap side of me talking.
so school hasn't been that bad. i mean, yes, it's already considerably harder, and yes i don't get to see the people i used to see a lot that much anymore, but i think the change of that is good, cause you get closer with different people. so yeah.
lots of parties coming up, it seems like there's 38749823 birthdays between now and the end of september, so there should be some fun there.
mm yeah.
i like to be around people that make me smile. i'm starting to realize that when i surround myself with those kinds of people i never seem to think about the bad stuff. so keep the good times rolling!
1 lost in the moment |
take my hand
|
|
lifesuxsodanz
|
::
2004 20 August :: 4.40pm
yay friday
oh man ashley...fucking rocks lol that girl made me the best half birthday present ever. haha she didn't have anything to make a cake so she took rice krispy treats and and candy and footlong fruit rollups and made them look like sushi. who does that? i don't know but it was still awesome. lol lemmie alone that was seriously the high point of my day.
thank god im only taking dance for one semester i can't stand the mixed classes. grr
i fucked up that spanish verb tense quiz and i got a 70 on the bio quiz but i feel better about those now because i know what to expect and i don't think they are worth a lot anyway.
not much else has been going on i want to take the car and get out of the house for a bit this weekend even if i just go somewhere by myself i just need some space. space outside of the confines of my house and school. maybe i will go to the mall and see chub if shes working or get liz a bday present idk. someone should meet me there and we'll hang out. or maybe ill make jimmy finally show me his damn pictures from europe i just remembered he hasnt. bah
my social life....i give up...seriously i've got plenty of friends to talk to and enough close friends who id trust with my life if need be. if there's some guy out there who is right for me and can actually put up with me and care about me like no one has been able to thus far...then he will find me. ive tried for too long to force what wasnt meant to be with all the wrong guys so im giving up on my better judgement and letting life take me where it will....im interested to see how all that turns out.
oh yeah unrelated topic...talked to Dom last night out of nowhere that kid just pops up at weird fucking times in my life.
i'm so over the bus seriously...just give me my damn car. I rode it for like the 1st time this year and the freshman just grrr they are probably sophmores but w/e they are all freshman to me. there's a couple juniors to keep me sane but still. lol tony tried to be funny and jack Dane Cook's shit today but he got shut down lol i know that cd by heart.
yes well im gunna go be lazy and enjoy the weekend.
<3
1 lost in the moment |
take my hand
|
|
sameen
|
::
2004 19 August :: 9.18pm
:: Mood: busy
:: Music: Baby ft. P Diddy- Do That
I think all my entries for like.. a year now r gonna be about how much work school is and how badly is sucks- sorry in advance
I seriously start at 4:30/5 and work until about 10/11 at night. [Obviously wit the necessary breaks..] I dunno, I think it's cuz I have my computer on/music playing. Maybe tomorrow I'll try without the music/computer on- wait, scrath that, tomorrow's Friday, I'm NOT workin that hard on a Friday. Some of the classes rn't that bad though. [English, Chem, and surpringly Bio]. History and Spsanish sucks major ass. History, just cuz it's boring. I have no clue what 2 expect 4 the test ?! so I gotta read this weekend and get up 2 date on everything in that class. Spanish- it's just a hard course. And I'm confused in Pre Cal [not sounding conceited, but..], which I rarely ever struggle in MATH. What's up with that? I dunno, it just feels like I'm runnin a race wit the clock whenever I get home. Can u believe these two girls in my Bio class were like.. DISAPPOINTED/WORRIED we didn't get any homework?!
But I'm glad it's Friday tomorrow. Then I get TWO WHOLE DAYS to do homework- just kidding! Rachel's party, and I wanna go 2 the movies.. I WILL go the movies. Good stuff.
take my hand
|
|
theroofisonfire
|
::
2004 15 August :: 7.48pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: no music
no subect either
abuhhh
so i posted some pictures on lj (HERE) and yeah they're not that special but i like the last one! i havent been doing much at all. tomorrow i'm playing soccer with some asians and then i have pictures the next few days, still waiting for that mail from the photographers. i might need to call the school. these pictures'll be special i'll send you guys some through the actual mail. but other than that not much at all has been going on. i really really really miss you guys!
ok anyway i've been watching the olympics and who saw the Americans get killed by the Puerto Ricans?!?!?! that was a shame. but the USA really is lacking perimeter shooters and true centers. plus they're too young! they need Jason Kidd and TMac. ohh and theres swimming too with Michael Phelps... he listens to Eminem before every race to get pumped up or something. hes good, but he isnt Mark Spitz! but remember Rhi Jeffrey? she set the national high school record 2 years ago at Atlantic in simming, yeah well shes swimming in the olympics now in the 800 butterfly or something i think.
but i'm waiting for my mail and hoping this school year is a million times better than the last. i'm incurably homesick and being the new boy isnt so fun!
take my hand
|
|