i just want to be with you.

3 lost in the moment | take my hand

:: 2004 31 July :: 9.47pm

paying homage to my house of worship...
ok yesterday...Lauren came over to work on EE stuff and she brought Frankie with her. I could safely say that I despise just about anyone between the ages of 1 and 13 (and then some) but Frankie is by far the greatest 11 year old in the world. She's so funny and she doesn't annoy me at all lol I told lauren I would take her sis over her anyday.

Yeah so later we dropped Frankie off at home and met michelle at Panera (WE were a 1/2 hour early btw which is just a miracle)
Yeah so ate some food then went to see the Village....ok well looking back....I liked it but....compleately not what they made it sound like. Not scary at all...plenty to make fun of....I think the moral was don't let the handicapped kids fuck around in the forest. That only leads to trouble. lol I could go on and on but I will stop there.

Thennnn Michelle was driving me home and Hillary called and asked if we wanted to swing by glory days to meet up with her and Zach. It's so weird the ways I run into that kid he's the embodiment of what a small world it is. Started off he's just ashleys cousin then he lives in johns neighborhood then he lives across the street from hillary then he and hillary have been friends since they were little kids and then lauren has been good friends with him since middle school and thennn he had that whole thing with danielle. It's just....idk...what are the odds of all that?

anyway we hung out with them for a little bit. He invited us to go with them to see anchor man but uhhh....we umm...had to be getting home....that's it. So we said goodbye to them michelle took me home.

lol then I went online and kept Amy awake until 2:00!! This is the girl who goes to bed at 9 every night it was amazing we actually had a very nice talk and she even gave me sum inspiration lol. I'm glad I am finally getting to know her.

After she left I kept John up until almost 4:00! he's another one who likes his beauty rest. It was a typical John/Jessica convo so it was riddled with insults and twisted topics. We decided to start keeping score because some of our one liners are just priceless.

MisScarlet219 (2:25:31 AM): wtf are u doing awake
MisScarlet219 (2:25:39 AM): do u know what time it is
Kangaegoto (2:25:43 AM): talking to a would-be hooker
MisScarlet219 (2:25:55 AM): well tell ur mother its past her bedtime

Yeah so I still wasn't tired so I stayed up for a while then there was this huge bug in my room so I screamed for my dad to come kill it (this was around 5am mind you) and no I will never get too old to scream like a little girl when I see bugs.

Yeah so I slept with the light on because I'm a paranoid freak like that and I didn't wake up until 3 in the afternoon. I sat around for a bit then my mom and I went to the mall to take advantage of the last of tax free week. I got some new bras and underwear...that stuff is so damn expensive for never being seen (most of the time lol) w/e it's all cute and prettyful.

Then I bought this purse which is now THE reddest thing I own it's insane it's like fire engine lipstick red I have no idea what I will wear it with but I love it! Yeah then I got some new makeup and then sum flip flops from pacsun. MY mom is so dumb the guy at the register was really fricken hot I grant you and he was like trying to talk to me I guess (he was just asking me if it was still raning and talking about it being so shitty outside) and my mom is like omg that guy was hitting on you and you couldnt even smile or make an effort what is wrong with you. First of all she was standing right next to me I doubt he was hitting on me with my mom right there and second...he was probably like 20 (which my mom wouldnt have liked as much lol) with a girlfriend...and third I was so tired I didn't care I just wanted to go home and eat dinner lol.

The mall was real crowded but the only person I saw was mitch lol I just said nope not saying anything as I walked by him and he was like fine don't talk to me I see how it is. Yup I am a mean girl.

I also asked my mom about Rock the Universe and she said shed consider I hope she says yes. It's not just that she doesn't trust me and my friends there also might be some other big stuff going on with her around that time and it just wouldn't be a good time for me to be worrying her which I get.

Blah so now I'm home and I had my pizza so I am quite happy. God I have to do my bio work soon...damn school...eagle ettes starts again on monday 8am-12 everyday this week. kill me

14 days until michelle and the rest of them leave : (

~love to all~

3 lost in the moment | take my hand

:: 2004 30 July :: 4.40pm
:: Mood: giddy

when i grow up, i'll turn the tables. // garbage
i could use some underground music right now. idk...

yesterday ~~~> woke up, showered, headed out. we had plans to go to the odyssey fun world, kinda like boomers, and it happened to be closed. so we made a trip out to frankfort to go to the grainery. didn't go as planned because it wasn't what my parents expected it to be. but we ended up at "THE PLUSH HORSE" which has amazing homemade icecream. iwescreem. hehe. i kept thinking about that ice cream since we got here cause i knew that grandpa took us there the last time i was in chicago. but anyways... then we came back to uncle jim's & aunt gails.... freshened up... and headed for uncle joey's house. I GOT TO SEE ANASTACIA! lol weeee. i missed her. we talked throughout dinner... which we had at Traverso's. my dad made reservations for 18 people through OnStar... and the lady at the desk was all happy cause it was her first OnStar call ever lol. anyways... after dinner i slept over ms. anastacia derro's house. we talked for hours and then, she got online and we talked to the boys. bubba ---> DAWG! tony ---> house cat. and tommy with the ketchup chips. disgusting. rambo kept biting off bubba's fingers lol. but anyway we enjoyed the night. and woke up... i hadda leave and now i am waiting on my mom to get outta the shower. i miss talking to people. i talked to logan earlier today lol. =) i wanna talk to jonah though, i'm so used to talking to him at least once a day... but now the kid has other priorities... and i can't call him much because my phone has bad connection & it roams up here. so i just wish the punk would get online. anyways... o yeah and anastacia's boyfriend's song that he wrote for her for v-day was the funniest & sweetest. he's a cool dude, with huge feet. i wanna live up here... i miss the family things. =) bye byes. xoxo

alwaysfalling

:: 2004 29 July :: 4.12pm
:: Mood: anxious

here it is...

1. strategies for college success
2. trig w/ the lovely dr.baum
3. psychology - davis
4. chemistry II - swanson =D
5. ap english - schilit
6. ap u.s. history - hall
7. spanish III - halcomb

only two APs.... i cheat myself so much.

<3

:: 2004 29 July :: 11.09am

It's so fucking early...
Yeah well my dad decided to be a little bitch and wake me up before he left this morning probably on my mom's orders because he doesn't so much as breathe unless my mom tells him to >:o

Yeah so I of course got no sleep last night and I am quite irritable and don't know what to do with myself. Jessic'a morning does not start until 1:00 pm. *sigh*

Bah so yeah the past few days....back to my reality...my reality being eagle-ettes. My schedule is typically wake up around 2:30 in the afternoon do some stuff around the house read the english book (finished that by the way I actually liked it) then at 6 we have prcatice until effing 10:00!

Yeah so it's been going well I think. Being in charge is very weird but it kinda feels natural idk. Lauren was late on tuesday so I had to call squad and hearing 35 people jump to attention at the sound of your voice is only slightly awesome lol and no i'm not power hungry or anything : P

Yeah so we already have some drama and were already having to talk to people and be all diplomatic about things we didn't waste any time. It's all kind of stressful but in a good way because it keeps life interesting and really all I have thought about all week is getting ready for school and dealing with dance. I go home all wired and sometimes don't fall asleep until 6am and then the cycle starts over. *shrug*

Next week we are out on the football field and have to be there at 8:00 in the morning
ugh I'm jus enjoying this week while I can.

I'm still avoiding some problems at home It's so bad. It's not that I don't care I've just kind of developed this mental block that makes me forget anything is wrong. My mom's birthday kind of blew over I felt bad.

so...yeah...not much else to say

love to all

:: 2004 28 July :: 12.00pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: autobiography // ashlee simpson

you can get everything you want. just work. duh.
wowzers. x posting. <3

daddy picked up dunkin donuts for breakfast. =) yesterday for lunch we went to Patillo's and man.... their food is priceless... i no longer "eat to live" i now... "live to eat". this food up here is so much better than in florida. afterwards we found lights to take home for our kitchen, which took 5 minutes. then we went to the mall. it was downhill from there.
---> went into A&F, daddy grew impatient and mommy and daddy started fighting about money again. i swear my dad is jewish. no offense anyone. now we leave the mall and come back to gail & jimmy's house. played with Casey & James some more. they are just adorable, i have pictures, and i will post them when i get home. but... then we headed to uncle critter's house. hung out with my little cousin brandon, n gave him a biggggg wedgy, and i go, "what are you gonna do now?!" and he goes, "go give auntie sherri (my mom) a wedgy." lol. anyways... we went to Ariello's for pizza. and damn that was the best pizza in the world. my dad was like, "its amazing that you can come back to the SAME place after 35 years and they still make the pizza the same."

after dinner ---> aunt maria, me, brandon, my mom, and sister left in the suburban... and uncle critter, lil chris, my brother & dad left in the mustang. well the suburban got home... but uncle critter's car didn't. turns out they got pulled over for speeding. the cop handcuffed my uncle cause he was "wreckless driving" and he got his car towed. plus, my uncle and dad both had a beer in the car, and 2 margaritas each at dinner, and my uncle's license plate was expired... geesh. my uncle was talking to my papa and goin', "if i had to empty my pockets, i would have had it in for myself." <--- implying what he had wasn't good. COUGH COUGH! lol... but he didn't get a DUI... just a speeding ticket or something and now he has to go to court. but that was his fault. ---> just showing off his new mustang. but that was the night.

today... i'm not sure what our plans are. i think i need to shower & when my dad gets home, my mom & i are going school shopping. =) bye byes xoxo

:: 2004 27 July :: 2.04am

deep unpleasant thoughts...
so much for not hurting myself anymore...on two accounts no less. There goes my willpower : \

some things I just can't take anymore so I will go back to my old way of handling things and just try not to let it get out of control this time.

I don't know how I feel anymore so I've given up on feeling. I still don't know if finding someone is the answer to my problems I could never see myself letting anyone in right now I just feel scared and I feel like I am supposed to be alone. I truly don't know how to be any other way. don't look at me...don't touch me...it's just not good for either of us.

I had the most aweful dream...coffin being lowered feeling regret eating my words graphic and poignant nothing ridiculous like I am used to...I think I woke up with tears in my eyes.

Fuck my family even my mom doesn't want to see them anymore these days. Don't act all sweet and phony around me and then bitch at my mom behind my back for being a horrible parent and talk about how shes let me fuck up my life and I am going nowhere. And don't you fucking dare condescend to be concerned about it or me. I wouldn't even bother to see them if it was up to me so if they're going to treat me like a fucking four yr old who is too stupid to see past their bullshit then I'll make it my choice.

God just fuck people

I don't know where this mood came from. I'm not apologizing or anything I just was feeling positive a minute ago.

Interesting

I need a drink so bad alcohol can replace every emotion I am devoid of at the moment I am sure of it. I'll be happy and god knows I will want to be touched and everything will just become so clear. People will be grouped into two categories I love you I hate you nothing will hurt...its a beautiful thing.

Build me up buttercup is the best song of all time. The lyrics are so damn depressing and the song is so upbeat. It is like a stupid little girl who loves being in love even though it is terrible and painful...

and the worst of all
you never call baby when you say you will
but I love you still...

who are the people you consider your friends...what has to be there in order to call something a friendship. Random poll anyone who still reads woohu comment. There was a reason but I don't think it matters...mostly Im just curious

end

6 lost in the moment | take my hand

alwaysfalling

:: 2004 27 July :: 1.38am
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: postal service - brand new colony

i would love to write a nice long, interesting journal entry but i find nothing to write about, so i'll write about my weekend and some thoughts, maybe it'll turn out to be lengthy.

so we went to orlando. we being tina, her little cousins, megan and morgan, their mommy, the grandparents, and the parentals. we arrived in the early afternoon saturday and headed for the mall, only to find it overcrowded and not fun for shopping due to long lines and such. so we went to the hotel and went swimming and hot tubbing. then went to anne's more private pool at her house. swam for a good hour. tina likes taking advantage. the kids were fun. chicken fights with the girls... haha. tina got slapped accidentally. morgan and her no fear. went back to the hotel, showered and changed for dinner. went back to anne's house and got pulled over in the process. whew. scary. thank goodness for being "tourists". ate dinner, watched vietnamese music thingys, got abused by the little kids. silly kids, trying to jump on danielle's back. went back to the hotel and slept in the freezing room. interesting dream. woke up sunday to go to blizzard beach. boy was it cold in that room. got dressed and ate breakfast at perkins. people sitting behind us were muy interesante. they sounded like they had a fun saturday night. went to blizzard beach. got settled and just had an enjoyable day at a waterpark. i love disney. everything about it. especially those great looking guys in bathing suits. mmm... i'll take one of those. ate chinese food afterwards then it was back home. good times.

current thoughts:

the dmc started tonight. sadly, i watched a lot of it. listened to all of jimmy carter's speech and al gore's. i hope their optimism for the future works out cause it sure does sound like they want to make this world a better place, so vote kerry if you can vote.

thats another thing, why can't we vote? i imagine a lot of us are just as smart or smarter than a good portion of the population that can in fact vote so why not let us?

i don't get guys and their bullshit. whatever works for you. good luck in the future.

christina and i figured that i should just baby-sit kids and not parent them since i have a problem about being mean and disiplining. i will just be the favorite aunt.

i love no sales tax week and shopping in the dark except for the no ac part. dance party in the dressing room with the flashlight!!

imissyoutoomuch.

<3
not as lengthy as i would like. whatever.

theroofisonfire

:: 2004 26 July :: 10.54pm

mediocre people do exceptional things all the time.
ok so something new now. i think i'll voice my opinion on the topics! here goes....

politics--vote Kerry. he looks humble. a minority government in Canada? it'll never work!

hollywood and the celeb scene--less divorces please. leave Mary-Kate alone. Ashton and Demi are strangely unnatural but it seems to work for them. i dont care what you say but, Britney, Christina, and Jessica have nothing on Stacie Orrico! emerging singer Jojo has a hot single (leave (get out).Kirsten Dunst and Jake Gyllenhaal? i hope they remain friends. i'm sorry but pumps are hot. the sitcoms with fat husbands and skinny wives are a double standard. i hate double standards, men who sleep around are whores.

technology--Bill Gates says CDs and DVDs will be obsolete in 10 yrs, pretty soon that man will push technology too far. someone has to draw a line on how small phones can get and how fast computers can run. technology causes obesity.

the economy--the markets arent exactly going up are they? the canadian dollar is now 1.33 o the american 1. that needs to go back up to 1.60 to 1 so we can exchange all the american money we still have. (the higher the rate of exchange, the more canadian cash we get for less american cash) plane ticket fares need to drop.

health--i read somewhere teenage pregnancy is going down, which is good. and smoking among teens is also dropping. try and save youself. dont smoke. alcoholism is dropping among adults. save your kidneys, dont binge drink. AIDS and HIV are getting worse, souse a condom. or better yet, abstain.

weather--beautiful up here, with temperatures topping out at 85 never dropping below 77. the sun is out and i need to tan. i miss the humidity and i miss the southern heat.

sports (if you dont follow sports skip the section, its kinda long)--Lance Armstrong has to be one of my heros, Venus Williams got robbed at Wimbledon, I'm a fan of Andy Roddick. the Marlins are disappointing me, Miguel Cabrera+Mike Lowell+Juan Pierre+Luis Castillo+Dontrelle Willis+Armando Benitez+Josh Beckett+Carl Pavano=a winning team right? apparently not. the dolphins will go 13-3 this coming season. even without Ricky. that sellout. the Gators will go to a BCS bowl behind the leadership of Chris Leak. the Heat have a bona fide center and an amazing backcourt. the Magic have a better backcourt plus a future allstar in Dwight Howard. magic fans, let me introduce you to Jameer Nelson, the NBA's next Stephon Marbury. Allen Iverson is now playing 1-guard again. the olympics? the Greek people need to buy tickets to the games. Americans are lacking the dominating sprinters they once had. Wheres Tim Montgomery(100m record holder)? wheres Marion Jones(100m/200m record holder)? those two had a child together, three words for you: FASTEST BABY EVER. Michael Phelps? he wont break Mark Spitz's record of 7 medals but he'll get close. USA soccer will do decent thanks to Landon Donovan, Brian McBride, the leadership of Claudio Reyna and goalkeeping of Brad Friedel (if he plays).

*damn that sports section is huge

the world--the olympics arent selling seats, the Phillipines gave hostage taking vigilantes what they wanted. Isreal needs to tear down that ridiculous wall. i think pollution needs to drop. say no to SUVs, drive smaller cars with a manual transmission.

education--my current high school (Centennial) is much cleaner than the current Atlantic. its probably cleaner than most PBC schools besides PVHS and the new WBHS in west boca. but quality of education? not as great. le commision scolaire du quebec, and commsion scolaire rive-sud school systems are much more porblematic.

religion--religion is really dying. have faith. dont test God.

and there you go. Luan has tackled the issues. btw me, Edgar and Sunil have decided to join forces and create an uber livejornal. check it out at www.livejournal.com/~edgarluansunil and leave lots of comments on LUAN's entry.

1 lost in the moment | take my hand

4 lost in the moment | take my hand

:: 2004 26 July :: 11.02am
:: Mood: curious
:: Music: i got u babe

brrrrr. i'm outta florida thank goodness. =)
heyyy people. updating this journal from ---> chicago =)

we got here sometime around 1pm yesterday. the flight was smooth. we got off... got our luggage after waiting awhile cause the luggage door was stuck & they couldnt remove the luggage from the plane. grr. but papa picked us up & we went to Nikobee's for lunch. i coulda gone for some traditional real white castle, but eh... w/e. then we went to grammy's work & looked at houses to buy. we found one we really liked, its 2 story with a basement n its b-e-a-u-tiful. i shoulda took pictures of it, but i left the camera in the car. anyways... afterwards, we went to visit uncle joey & everyone. it's chilly up here. nothing like florida. everything is made of wood & bricks... it looks like the 1970's all over again, and it felt like it too when papa was playing his oldies music in the car. but yeah.... so we went to uncle joeys... i saw little milly & maddy all grown up, they're like s0o adorable & they look like twins.... then there is matt who is 16 & acts like my brother. i find that sick, but i talked to him & his friends for awhile... i didn't find out the name of the cute boy cause he was kinda quiet, but there was courtney who is carls girlfriend, which sux cause carl is cute hehe. but matt.... idk he's like my brother... the pictures make them look cuter than they really are lol. anyways stacey should be coming home 2night or 2morrow. so i'm excited to see her. omg lil' brandon = adorable.... but he has this obsession with pitching butts. kinda scary. he pitched my butt like a million times... n it hurts lol, but he is so cute. n lil' chris is adorable too. & he's sweet & funny. auntie mary & chris are funny as hell. aunt paula is kinda weird, but she is sweet. anyways... i'm sitting here on the computer cause i am waiting for my mom to finish getting ready before we go pick up some starbucks & head to pick up auntie trixie & go to portabello's for lunch =D i just lost a ton of weight from cheerleading and i get to gain it all back. ha. nice stuff. anyways.... it is an hour earlier here than it is over by u guys in florida. =/ but i have to give jonah a call tonight, and ashley.... ur letter is in the mail <33 o it doesn't look like i can go to hollister to shop..... its farrrrr away from here. in the woodfield mall which sux. o well <3 hope u enjoy the rest of ur humid summer.... cause the rest of mine is gonna be kinda chilly, and we don't even know when we are going to be leaving here... just praying i will be home on the 7th for the orientation. <3333333

:: 2004 26 July :: 12.09am

god free will sucks...
Sometimes I wish I was compleately driven by animal instinct (tho I am my fair share lol) but seriously I am the most aweful person at making decisions. It all comes back to my rear of regret thing....no matter what I decide is wrong and it gets to the point where I don't want to move...I'm afraid to breathe for fear of some miniscule movement reaking havoc on my life. It's like the chaos theory a butterfly flaps it's wings and a hurricane blows a hemisphere away, small things have great effects and each of us is a microcosmic universe, and sometimes it seems that the simplest of sentences, a few mere breaths of dialogue can send entire planets spinning out of alignment.

But really the analogy makes perfect sense...every move we make somehow brings us closer to our own entropy you cannot escape it for every imaginable thing is a decision even if it really is as simple as the decision to stand still. And the worst part about it is...we know we know what is to become of us we know that we have options to weigh and risks to assess and it kills me (well metaphorically) making decisions terrifys me making a move of any sort and sometimes I think this decision to spend my life indecisive is the most wasteful contribution to my own entropy to my own death. I am wasting my life away and driving myself insane compleately utterly insane if you have read this far you should understand that by now. If you knew what this entry was really about you would tell me I was stalling and being indecisive and most of all you would tell me that you didnt see what one thing had to do with another and that god knows how my mind makes such connections and I dont even really know myself. Im just blindly typing in order to keep myself moving I have more thigs to say and more important things to be concerened with but for some reason this is all that is comming out maybe this is the easiest of my problems and I am making it seem bigger to take my mind off of theserious. Ok I am going to go and I am going to...idk of course i dont but I am going to stop this that I know.

end

:: 2004 25 July :: 4.25am

DELERIOUS!!
Updater�
Your entry is as follows:

Today was really awful.
I got out of bed really early because my mom was yelling at me.

I feel sad, because Sarah and Britney are complete bitches. They told everyone I have an STD, just because I slept with both of their boyfriends on Saturday night.

I'm so sad. My kitten got run over this afternoon. I found him when I was coming home from school. His head was all squished. I took some photos. I'll miss him. Poor kitty.

Last night I had to masturbate twenty times. I'm so horny. Click here to see my website.

I want to tell the world to get fucked.

I am updating this journal for the first time in ages, because I've been in prison.

I want to say thanks to the world for absolutely fucking nothing! You all suck. I feel so alone, no one ever reads this journal, or even comments to let me know that I'm not suffering alone. It's cold here, and I want to die, but I cannot figure out how many of you to take with me when I go.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have bipolar disorder, which makes me different enough to be interesting, but the same as all the other cool people with bipolar disorder.

its 4 in the fucking morning and if you possess half a fucking brain cell u should have figured this entry out...

That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with this thought - sharing your life with strangers on the internet is the cheapest form of therapy available. Leave a comment and tell me I'm beautiful.

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1 lost in the moment | take my hand

:: 2004 24 July :: 11.44pm
:: Mood: rejected
:: Music: la la // ashlee simpson

you make me wanna la la in the kitchen on the floor. <333
today was the last day of cheer camp. awesome fun. talked to mike this morning, n worked on stunts most of the day... um... i didn't do much of anything else. we threw mike up into a basket toss... which i have a picture of. haha. and then for lunch, karen, me, brittany, michelle, heather & angie decided to get some chili's for some drink stealin'. lol. umm... then, we finished up practice & i finally got home.. and packed & jackie came over then i showered n we headed to the mall. afterwards we came back & ate some food & doug called jackie. since he had nothing to do, we picked him up @ taco bell... after jackie wanted to repeatedly take left's lol. umm... so we all came to my house... jackie hit doug in the eye with a marker & we laughed at dead baby jokes... which was filthy. doug beat me up with my pillows... & ummm we just had fun talking. but yeah... that was my night, they just left like around 11:40 which was like 5 minutes ago. and hmmm. now i am talking to jonah, who is now going out with whitney = awwww <3 congrats. but, i need to wash up & get my rest so i can sit on the airplane for awhile. ya know... i'm not sure when i'm coming back... but i have a performance on the 7th so my dad wants to leave like... the 5th s0o we can be home on the 7th? idk but its bedtime now... and if carol gets me my dooney & burke purse, i willllllll be happy for the next... month. who needs a boyfriend if u have clothes & purses? lol <3 bye byes

:: 2004 23 July :: 2.32pm

Nice Day...
This morning I had to get up early cuz I had a doctors appointment . I swear to god my mom said I had to leave at 8:45 but she really meant 8:15 so I had 10 minutes to get up and get dressed. Yeahhh so afterwards we were near west palm so we had breakfast in the most adorable place ever it was this artist's cafe and they had little tables with cool antique furniture and art all over the walls and art books everywhere and we were practically the only people there.

Afterwards we went to city place just as the stores were opening and it was really quiet. I did some major shopping it felt soooo good. I got the prettiest outfit from white house black market and another shirt along with earrings and shoes to match. They were having a really good sale. I love that store everything is so classy and elegant I wish I had an excuse to dress up all nice everyday. I'm going back for my homecomming dress.

Then I went to macy's and got these BCBG capris that are dark red (of course) and a couple of really cute shirts. I also got one of those chunky plastic bracelets to go with the outfit I had bought earlier. idk my mom was in a really good mood this morning for some reason.

Yeah so then we came home and I played with all of my clothes some more and my mom left for her doctors appointment....I hope everything is ok with that : \ don't really wanna talk about it...

anyway just another pointless entry

love to all

~*Jess*~

:: 2004 22 July :: 9.03pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: surrender // ashlee simpson

open up your eyes, don't u know u only get one life.
cheer camp was eh. but omg omg. i got my backhand spring on the cheese mat, by myself & 2morrow the dude from UCA is gonna help us with tumbling... i hope i can get it on the floor with a spot. =D i'm so intimidated with all the other girls' skills though. gosh, jealousy.

when i got home, i went straight to bed. i couldn't even bring myself to the bathroom to shower lol. but when i woke up, that's the first thing i did. =D

so my mom was talkin' to Cheri Hood from work. & Cheri was talking about how spoiled i seem because when i work... if there is nothing to do, i rest my head on the counter. & my mom was telling her to just tell me to get to work... but shit.. i work harder than half those people there... plus i got shit outside of work that i do... i won't dedicate myself to that fucking place. w/e.

so i'm thinking about going to get therapy. i don't think i can do this alone anymore. i hate sitting in camp or practice & getting those looks like "who wants u over here?" and stuff. idk i gotta find my independence in this world because i have this feeling that i'm bound to be alone. like... i don't even have a shoulder to cry on. whatever.