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This is your life, is it everything you wish it would be?

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musicalbabe

:: 2004 5 September :: 9.57pm

I really need to talk to someone. Like someone older than me that'll give me advice. (Like, an older guy, NOT an adult...) Someone that might be able to slightly relate to what I have to say to them, but old enough so that their advice can be trusted.

Sometimes I just want to be held and told that everything is alright. I want someone to listen to me talk about people in my life who need help. I want someone to pat me on the head and let me fall into their arms and stay there until the problems go away.

(*It's not like my personal life has issues, it's that I know people who aren't so stable and it really worries me.)

Does anyone else find Japanese anime almost like cartoon porn? It's GROSS!! I like can't even look at it! They draw stick girls with curvy bodies and huge, FAKE boobs! IT'S JUST NASTY!! WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE DRAW HUMANS LIKE THAT?! The whole thing just disgusts me. Honestly.

I chilled at Michelle's house today. Met a girl named Jill. Both juniors at LAHS. Cool people...had a good time!

But yeah. I really wanna just let it all out and spoon with someone who'll tell me it's all okay. Or at least someone who'll convince me that because I'M okay, I shouldn't have to worry as much as I do about others.

34 New hotness | Old and busted


musicalbabe

:: 2004 3 September :: 10.29pm
:: Mood: frustrated

CALLING ALL AVAILABLE GUYS:
DO SOMETHING HOT SO THAT I'LL HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU!! I CAN'T STAND NOT LIKING ANYONE AT ALL!!

No really. There isn't anyone in any of my classes that I like.

List of things I like in a guy:
*talented at singing
*talented at an instrument
*general appreciation for music
*composition is a HUGE plus
*talented at playing the piano (being able to randomly improv and 'just play' is EXTREMELY HOT)
*very intelligent, especially good at writing
*outgoing (and will dance with me at dances)
*will not push push me into a physical relationship
*will listen to my rantings and act as a mentor


Not that any guys read this ANYWAY. Gahh. Whatever. I suppose that was all for the purpose of expression anyway.

Hrm. I just realized how it's really not the best idea to post something like this in my journal. Though it's true that I really want to find someone I really like, I know from past and present experience that I absolutely HATE it when people try to hit on me that I want nothing to do with. Oh, and if anyone knows who the current stalker-ish person is...I'm not sure what to do. Any advice? He's really starting to freak me out...

Oh, and just a hint to all you guys out there (who don't read this, LOL): if you like a girl and seem to think that standing right next to her every second you can and she ignores you, STOP FOLLOWING HER AROUND. ;-)

My mom said that I attract these rather pathetic guys with low self esteem because they know I'll be sweet to them. Uhhh...let's think about this. The last time something like this happened I was far from sweet about it. Not quite sure how that reasoning worked....

3 New hotness | Old and busted


Squishylover

:: 2004 3 September :: 8.19pm
:: Mood: Sleepy clean and worried
:: Music: Same ol' shit

Hurricane Madness?
God I hate when I write a whole journal then it gets deleted well here goes the 2nd try. I now no longer have a laptop..it died. RIP you good ol' thing. I have to get a new one so that means no more funness at home...if there will be a home to go to! But I am hopeful. Right now I'm on my friends laptop where we are refugeeing until the hurricane goes away. Let's see I guess I should clue you into whats been goin' on in my life the past few days. Lemmie think ok wednesday we had one of those PTA days, where we come into school at 11. Sorta like an exam day. Well the day before I wrote Ryan a note telling him my feelings on our relationships current status on how I felt like he would rather be with his friends then me then I'm just someone he has to see and talk to, but anyways. Yah I wanted to talk to him about that note that day. I get to school at the appointed time and I'm hanging out with Amber but Ryan never shows up but I wasn't expecting him to be there in the morning cause he had gone to IHOP before and I expected him to be late. I go to Spanish class and I'm just thinkin' about Ryan and I and what's goin' on with us lately. I get to drama class and we do our shit in there and after drama I usually see Ryan goin' to my American history class I get to the spot where I usually meet him and he is nowhere to be seen. I'm gettin' a lil' suspicious and worried thinkin' that my note angered him or somethin' and he didn't want to see me. I get to American history and we have a sub who can't read our teachers note to give us so we basically have the period to ourselves. Well my friend Charde and I usually talk about our boyfriends because even though they are totally different they are exactly the same if that makes any sense. I was telling her my situation and we were exchanging our stories and what not and she was giving me advice. Now I knew that half of this advice wouldn't work because since Ryan is actually different then her boyfriend he wouldn't care about half the things she recommended. She was telling me that if he didn't change the way he was acting that I should break up with him (but thats a very hard concept for me to even think about). Either that or take a break to make him realize how good I am...but I don't think I'm that important but whateva'. She was also saying how I'm too nice to him and whenever I get mad at him I should express my anger and not act like I'm not angry and do nothing about it...like I always do. I began thinking about everything that she said and what I should do. I told her I wouldn't do anything or say anything until I got to see him at the next class change or at the end of the day when he walks me to my buses. The class ends and I wait for him at the other spot and instead of seeing Ryan my friend Jose comes up to me and says "We have to kick Ryan's ass" he said this playfully of course but he then said "He skipped school today" after that I tuned him out and I was just like thank you Jose. I was angry the fact that he didn't tell me he wasn't going to school because he always tells me when he isn't and for him always saying how he's going to do bad in school and then he goes and skips agg I just got mad (this of course was adding on top of everything else). I get to my Marine bio class and Helen and Sparks were like are you ok? I just nodded and walked inside and sat down thinking about everything. I text him acting as if I didn't know about him skipping cause I wanted him to tell me and I'm just like "how's your day?" he replies "Lazy and yours?" I said something but I don't remember then I said "How are your classes today?" and he says "I didn't go to school today" I said "Oh really? Thanks for telling me" then he texted "What? Am I supposed to tell you?" I then said "Well I was expecting to see you and I wanted to talk to you about something" he replied "Right" (I was getting way angrier at this time) I was like "Fine forget I even texted you then" he said "Fine with me" I finally said something mean but later I found out he laughed about what I said so it was sorta pointless but I said "Asshole" then he said "ok?" then I finally just let it out "Don't you even care don't you ever get mad!?" and he was like "Fine FUCK OFF AND STOP FUCKING TEXTING ME GEEZE!" that one did hurt...I was glad he finally showed emotion but it hurt none the less and some tears fell but I tried not to let anyone see. It was nearing the end of class and I send him one more text it said "This will be the last time I ever text you if thats what you want but are we breaking up?" he said "I don't want to but if thats whats happening then fine" I was loosing all composition at that time I also had to stay after school for Drama club and we had to audition today for the Dessert theater. I get to the Drama room and I go to the back and I don't talk to anyone I prepare the sign in sheet and get ready to take notes. I'm tryin' to hold back tears just thinking what would happen if Ryan and I broke up and it was hurting me so much. My friends are looking at me and Lorelei comes up and is like what's wrong? I'm tryin' not to let my feelings out and I'm just like "I think Ryan and I are breakin' up" and more tears fall and then Lorelei is askin' alot of questions and I was like shh I have to take notes casue Brandon had gone up to audition. I didn't really pay attention to him though...I was in my own world. I text Ryan again and ask if I can call him and he just says "Go for it" I let Aliya take the notes (thanks Aliya for everything) and I go outside and call him and we start talking about everything and emotions were flying and I'm crying and I'm saying how maybe we should take a break. Cause he says he feels like around me I'm holding him back even when I'm not. Well I was just cryin' and cryin' and Lorelei comes out halfway in the convo and is rubbing my back and wiping my tears and singing For good...(not a good song at the moment Lauren..) But god I love that girl she is such a great friend. I was askin' Ryan if we should break up and he said I don't want to be the ones to say the words, I wasn't going to say them since I seemed the one to be the problem I was going to let him decide. He had to get into work and Drama club auditions had ended and I think Ryan might have cried a lil' towards the end but I'm not sure. I was just like are wer still dating? He said yah and I was like get to work, then he said he wasn't going to then I was just like go to work so you don't get fired and he finally agrees but he sounded angry at me for it. Lorelei had taken me home and when I get there I had to pack cause we were being evacuated for the hurricane and I needed to fix my room up. I'm sittin' in the floor of my room and I'm tryin' to picture me without Ryan...and I couldn't I couldn't picture not being able to be in his arms and looking at someone else with the love I feel for him and kissing someone else and everything. There are also other reasons why it would be hard for me to leave him also but I text him telling him everything and he texts me back saying he didn't want to break up with me and all of that stuff. I said I was sorry for what I said and he said his sorrys. I wanted to give him a hug but he was at work and so I was going to wait till he got off then ask him to come over so I can see him. I text him and he says I'm already home I was just like Oh... but he decided to go back to eckerds to "Find his wallet" He came over we talked and I think everything is ok...but I don't really know. I think we needed this almost break up but I'm not sure if everything is going to be ok. I don't even know if I will see him this weekend, cause of this wonderful hurrican headed our way. So yah all of this is goin' on and happened...but I think Ryan still needs to hang out with his friends...I don't want to hold him back...I just seem to do it without knowing it. Whatever though. I'll ask him if everything will be ok between us and I hope it will be. But for now I must think about this hurricane and weather or not I will have a room when I get back home. Lets hope so! Well I'ma gonna get some ice cream and talk to some people online then go console my lil' pouncer butt (my cat pounce). Be careful all of you that have to experience the hurricane!

-Chasmin-

3 New hotness | Old and busted


xxinterrupted

:: 2004 3 September :: 12.49pm
:: Mood: stressed

right now i'm in 6th period study hall.. blah, it's been a long day. i didn't go to school yesterday, and i wasn't going to go today- but at the last minute this morning i changed my mind and went.

i'm going over jims house tonight; i can't wait to get out of the hell hole of a house. i hate it there, and i hate watching my little sisters. god i almost had a break down last night and almost killed anna. [jim, you know what i'm talking about.] i can't handle all this anymore, it's to much stress. i've been a wreck the past couple of days.

our periods are shortened today because we have homeroom/activity period.. so that's cool. i can't wait to go home and go to jims house. i miss him.

:(

2 New hotness | Old and busted


xxinterrupted

:: 2004 2 September :: 8.59pm
:: Mood: content

Bored?
     
Why not pretend that you're going to kill yourself?
Support?

Old and busted


xxinterrupted

:: 2004 1 September :: 9.39pm
:: Mood: bored

haha, the funny things i find.
when i bite into a york peppermint patty, i feel the cool rush of skiing in the alps, skating in alaska, or bobsleeding in lake pacid! but while i'm enjoying my york peppermint patty, the rush makes me oblivious to the chocolate melting in my hands.

the chocolate gets on my keyboard, my mouse, my desk, and every to every other spot to which chocolate can stick.. and when i go to throw away my york peppermint patty, i trip over a shoe because im to bussy looking for a paper towel. i fall over and hit my head on the corner of my desk, cutting it deeply. the sight of my own blood causes me to regurgitate my york peppermint patty. getting up and runing to the phone to call 911, i slip on vmy own vomit, fall down again, and break my neck.

and so my warning to all: dont smoke pot before eating a york peppermint patty.

3 New hotness | Old and busted


musicalbabe

:: 2004 1 September :: 10.01pm
:: Mood: energetic

WHOOO!!!
HASH(0x889fc30)
You're a Clarinet. Happy go lucky!


What is your inner musical instrument?
brought to you by Quizilla


Got clarinet the first time, baby!

I find this stereotype extremely amusing, as I'm the only one in the section who actually fits the description...

And just in case you were wondering...

HASH(0x891c7a0)
You're an Oboe. Girl power?


What is your inner musical instrument?
brought to you by Quizilla


HAAAHAAAHAAAA!!! I suppose that's the impression of an oboe, but I think not.

4 New hotness | Old and busted


xxinterrupted

:: 2004 31 August :: 9.36pm
:: Mood: exhausted

right now i'm just sitting here with jim.. he's playing playstation.

i got picked up from school at 11:30 today. i had a doctors apointment.. i gained 4 pounds.. i weigh 164. everything looks okay, babys heart beat is strong. jim & my mom went with me.

i fell asleep in class again today, i need to start going to sleep earlier.. 10:00 is to late i guess. blah- the baby kicks and keeps me up all night. the doctor said if i could make it through the next 2 weeks of school that he could write me an excuse for the rest off til i have the baby.. then i could go back in 6-8 weeks. but i don't think i'm going to do that.

blah, i'm so tired- time for bed.

<3

Old and busted


squishylover

:: 2004 31 August :: 6.26pm
:: Mood: Run down
:: Music: Wicked

Dancing through life!
Well I went to New York this weekend...and oh my god..it was so awesome! We went to go see Boy from Oz at least that was what was planned. I saw the new house in Jersey and it is uberly perfect. Umm oh yah my mom surprised me on saturday with two orchestra tickets to wicked...I about died. It was so..there are no words. I cried from the begining to end. Hugh Jackman is so funny! And...he is just so talented. The guy that was in Boy from Oz that is now my new friend Michael Mulheren who's in a bunch of tv shows movies ect...he is so cool. I just had a great weekend. Today I wrote a depressing note to Ryan so I will see how that works out. Tomorrow I get to sleep in yay for me. Also theres a hurricane comin' our way so I'm probably gonna be screwed because I live on the beachish. Anyways I'm gonna finish my taco.

-Chasmin-

Old and busted


musicalbabe

:: 2004 30 August :: 9.23pm
:: Mood: confused

Who wrote this?!
"Here's your free comment."

Just wondering. Usually I can figure it out, but I can't seem to find this particular IP address anywhere...

2 New hotness | Old and busted


musicalbabe

:: 2004 29 August :: 6.59pm
:: Mood: hyper
:: Music: Children of Eden-Sailor of the Skies

OHHHHHH YEAHHHH BABY!
So after church today (in which my voice was being oddly agreeable!) my mom goes "So, I was thinking about next summer...maybe during the end of that music camp in Maine, Brian and I could go visit some of his relatives in Maine, and then pick you up and look at a few colleges like Princeton, Yale, and Harvard! Then we could go to Vermont and ride the icelandic ponies for a few days, and then make a quick stop in New York to see Avenue Q! How does that sound?"

Ummm...how does that sound?! LIKE THE BEST SUMMER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!!!!

If you're a musical person, go to http://www.encore-coda.com/ and CHECK IT OUT!! It's only got EVERYTHING a musical person could want!!

Among other things, there's Chorus, Madrigal Choir, Jazz Choir, Conducting, Musical Theatre, Dance, Sailing, Wind Ensemble, Jazz Band, Chamber Music, Musicianship, Performance, Tennis, Volleyball, an hour of practice per day, and private instruction!!! WHOOO!!! Could it get any better?!

Oh, and it's for 3 1/2 or 7 weeks (if you do the full session) in Maine. Just a little detail. :-D

My bird bit me again. Apparently I'm too nice to him and he thinks that he's above me in the pecking order. I cried again. I seriously have not cried in the longest time! Not out of being cold-hearted or afraid to cry, (I still clearly remember feeling extremely comforted when a children's sermon once had the moral of 'it's okay to cry!') I just haven't had anything to cry about! I think it surprises me when he bites me, hurts, and makes me sad that the bird I loved so much is being so agressive.

Watched The Pajama Game and Brother Bear last night. I'm SOOO excited for The Pajama Game at school!!! IT'S SUCH A CUTE MUSICAL!! AHHH!! Brother Bear was also cute. Those moose are funny!

I've decided that unrequited love from both sides (being the one who loves and is not loved, AND being the one who does not love) SUCKS. Like, both almost equally. It hurts to know that someone likes you and not like them back if you have a semi-strong friendship with them. :-(

Oh, and in other news, HE'S NOT A LIAR! If you don't know what this is in reference to, ask. But anyway, I feel a lot better because of it! I wasn't stood up in some odd backwards way! Hooray!

4 New hotness | Old and busted


xxinterrupted

:: 2004 29 August :: 9.18pm
:: Mood: relieved
:: Music: taking back sunday - a decade under the influence

i woke up at 9:00.. i went up my aunts and helped her get food ready for my baby shower.. by the time we were all done with everything it was almost noon.. and we had to leave by 12:30 to start setting up and everything for the shower.

people started getting there around 1:30. everyone except 2 people from jims family that we invited came.. i was so glad! almost all my family that we invited came to. i was so happy that people actually came. i stressed myself out for nothing.. [you were right kristen! lol]

we got so much stuff! a lot of the big things on my regestry were bought for me like my swing, highchair, palyard, and exersaucer. we got so many outfits and blankets, and everything. when we brought everything home i didn't have enough room in my room so we had to fill my living room up.. ahh. i don't know what i'm going to do with all the things!

jim came to, his mom had to leave early for work so he video taped the whole thing.

i'm still so happy about the turn out. we got so many things that we needed.

anyways, jim came back to my house with me for a couple hours, we went swimming and went through some of the things that we got. he's coming back over tomorrow.

13 New hotness | Old and busted


jus4fun06

:: 2004 29 August :: 12.48pm

meh meh meh
vivaladan3: Yea sorry my dad just came in and kicked me off
DANIBANANNI: meh its ok
Auto response from vivaladan3: Your IM has been sent to my mobile device. When I receive it, I will be able to reply. Thanks for your IM! Want your IMs forwarded to your phone? Click here
vivaladan3: What is meh
DANIBANANNI: i have no idea
Auto response from vivaladan3: Your IM has been sent to my mobile device. When I receive it, I will be able to reply. Thanks for your IM! Want your IMs forwarded to your phone? Click here
DANIBANANNI: am i costing u money?
Auto response from vivaladan3: Your IM has been sent to my mobile device. When I receive it, I will be able to reply. Thanks for your IM! Want your IMs forwarded to your phone? Click here
vivaladan3: Yup
DANIBANANNI: oh sorry
Auto response from vivaladan3: Your IM has been sent to my mobile device. When I receive it, I will be able to reply. Thanks for your IM! Want your IMs forwarded to your phone? Click here

Old and busted


xxinterrupted

:: 2004 28 August :: 8.40pm
:: Mood: nervous

omgosh, my baby shower is tomorrow at 2:00.. i'm so nervous. today my aunt loraine, aunt di, kelly and i went to set up for it.

what if no one comes?

i keep sitting here and thinking about it, i've been stressing myself out about it for a week or so now.. god i can't believe how scared i am.

5 New hotness | Old and busted


musicalbabe

:: 2004 28 August :: 5.13pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: Rent-Santa Fe

Ow!
My damn bird just bit me on the lip REALLY hard! Why the hell he's really agressive towards me and no one else in the family I don't know. But geez...I started crying it hurt so much!

3 New hotness | Old and busted

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