:: 2004 9 June :: 11.19 pm

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

ahhhhhh

YoU

:: 2004 9 June :: 9.41 pm

haha, so today was defanatly a BLAST! minus the dentist part... so heh, James came over for the day, but I only got to c him for about an hr all together............oh well....he gave me a HUGE hug.....hehe!!!! so yeah, I went to Lisa's...well, Kinda, i walked half way, dad drove me back to my house, we walked to Lisa's, walked back here for food, and walked back there to eat and back hom to drop me off....that was cool, we talked alot......i havent seen her in such a long time! so yeah, then i went to the dentist....and when I was done, i felt like a squirlle major! lol, so then i went to Chris's house, me, todd, chris, hannah, and heather (his two sisters), freckels (Chris's totally adorable dog), and the farrett watched T2....totally boring! but oh well hehe.....it was still fun hanging out with Hannah...(his youngest sister, she is sooooo adorable!) and then his sisters left and we went swimming.....Chris is totally a dolphin! lol, I told them it was like friggin sea world bc everytime they dived, (or, for todd, belly flopped) the water would spalsh out on the deck of the pool...... so yeah, chris kept acting like a dolphin....but i've decided, he was a fish, and he turned into a human and his parents adopted him hehe! it was funny, bc chris and todd were wrestling, and chris goes, look whose laughing now, and no body was so i go me hahahahahahahha and chris juss started laughing....oh, and uhhh, todd threwq a foot ball at chris and hit him in the head, so chris was trying to hit todd with those lil beanie bag looking thingies, and he missed, aall like 15 times.....and then we juss sam, Chris tried to teach Todd how to dive...didnt work to well....lol...and then since the pool/hot(cold)tub was freezing.......I decided we should get into the shower and put it on hott...so Todd got in the back, and chris went in with him, and the door was shut...so i juss stood there and listend to them "flirt" lol! so then Chris got out, and I got in...(yes every body, we had clothes on!) but it was sooo much fun and sooo warm, we juss stood there kissing in the shower and then i washed my hair (lol) and i got stuck trying to get dressed....but now me n todd cansay we "took a shower with each other"!!!!!! heh.....and then Chris's ex gf's bf went pshyco on chris bc she went to todds yesterday.......... and then uhhhhh, we walked to Target and Chris was tlking about some heidi chick and he goes member that hiedi chik uh, i mean hiedi thing....and then I go this is gunna b u two and a nother chick, ur gunna be like hey member that sara chik, uh that sara thing and todd goes no we wont, and chris goes yeah we will todd, and made me feel all bad and all...:'(and then they told me all these dead baby jokes that were REALLY sad! and then some other place and i looke dbeautiful, w/ my converse, tight jeans, my drop out role model shirt, and chris's black beanie with a skull, and we walked into target like we were in the mob.....like, uhhh h.o lets see if i can do this

*
* * ( the top one, should be in the middle, but it doesnt work out right)ok, Chris is the one on top, all alone, and i was the one on the left and todd was on the right....it was quite cool alright! I found the chair where me n chris sat together in the day we met.........aww, he membered......and i was like "ya, chris was sittin there and i was sittin on his lap, then brett then some one and then john" and we got into this big thing about how we DONT like john and how fat he is.....and yeah.....then we went in to this cool place right next to Target, Idk what its calle,d but i love it!!!!!! and then we went to Publix....then we walked across the street and uhh, todd rehashed the whole night i got high...(thanx babe) then we went to COldstone to c if Leanne was there....but nope, she was sick! god girl!!!! and then my mom piked me up from there....oopsie dasies.....uhh, there was sumthin else, i juss cant member, but when I do, i will write it in here.....bc imma go tlk to ppl...much love!

YoU

:: 2004 9 June :: 10.01 am

...so yeah, im bored, my eyes hurt like hell bc my contats are iin and i cant c worth crap! James is here.....him n Alex are going paint balling...oh fun...*rolls eyes* and Lisa, u prolly DONT have to worry this time...(u know what I am talking bout).......and neither do u Emily!...and i really am getting annoyed with my contacts ALREADY! lol, ive only had them for a day and they r bugging me already bc i look one way and it feels like they move the other way....grrrrrr......

uh oh.....James juss told me Alex (my little brother) gave him permission to shoot me in the ass...agen....oh, i guess yall wouldnt understand, so i better tell yall......Last time James spent the night, him n alex went paintballing, and me, Danielle, and Meana followed them out there and we were walking back and uh....he was about 2 feet behind me and shot me in the ass....it really hurt! so yeah, Alex invited me to go paintballing with them, but with my luck, they would gang up on me.....and paint ball me to death...lol......so im good inmy warm seat...ew, that didnt sound right...scratch that, my computor seat....lol...! woop woop.....im sooo bored, MADE is on, and idk....I am waiting for some one to get on...bc i am only currently talking to Nick and Marius........and kinda Logan...ok, well imma bounce and find SOMETHING to do......... buh bye

YoU

:: 2004 8 June :: 3.49 pm

uhh, Monday night....
Hey, I went to Todd's Monday.....kind of a last minute disition...I got there, and Chris, Jessica and Todd were outside waiting for me...(how nice lol) so yeah, we all stayed outside untill it started raining, lol, Jessica like ran bc she didnt wanna mess up her hair...! she is soo funny.... so yeah, then we went back inside, Todd had to fix the door so me n Chris helped him fix it, then we folded (is that a word lol?)....ne ways, then we all went intoTodd's rooom and literally just laid there, well, we made out a lil...(and Chris n Jessica did ALOT) *pigs*......and Todd and Chris made up their own lil thingy to gross me n Jessica out, Chris goes, Todd can I make u squeal like a pig, and todd goes no and chris goes why, i did last night and me n Jessica were juss like eeeeeeewwww!!! lol....so yeah, we laid down and i alost fell asleep until Todds dad called >:-( after awhile of joking around, Jessica had to leave and so chris played video games for a while and then we had to help with stuff, and it started raining and we all went outside and Todd and Chris were wrestling out in the ditch filled with water and decided to give me a HUGE hug after they had both fallen in....(the only time i get a hug from chris and he has to be soaked....) so then they started callin eac other names and chris said spick and redneck and i was all like "hell naw" lol..... so I chased him around and he started kikin water at me....then we went inside and I had to (once agen) wear Todd's clothes....only boxers this time....i dont mind tho, i already have like his whole closet......and me n Chris dried dishes for todd....and then we laid down on the couch and watched TV and me n Todd made out....ALOT....hehe....he bought me a necklase....(Which is around my neck right now......!) :-) but the lil bitch lied to me n told me he took it back.....oooh, me n Chris were doin dishes or sumthin and todd was spazzing and Chris oes Chillax! and I was like nooooooooooooooooooooooo thats MY word so thats all he said....it was funny.......iightii well i gotta go........so, yeah......me n Sarah r talking....;-) about why she ISnt coming to Fl :'( lol!!!!!!!

4 FuCk | YoU

:: 2004 8 June :: 3.02 pm

woop woop!!! Me n Heather juss found out we have the same classes, hopefully we get the same periods!!!!!!!!! I cant wait for HS.......dont ask y.....maybe its juss cuz imma be with all my friends, minus elyse :'(

and I got contacts today!!!!!!! woop woop times 10 lol!

YoU

:: 2004 7 June :: 4.51 pm
:: Mood: crappy

me n Tara
well......it looks like me n Tara are cool agen...i guesss.......i dont know if it ever really would be.............................................................
I really do feel crappy, this is the honest truth, and i deserve to feel this way...I dont know what to say to her or to my journal....so I am juss gunna head out! l8a!

Here is our convo:

86: i know i told you guys to do it in the begining but then i told mitch that i really didnt want you guys to and then i told you w/e....and the reason i kept coming over there is cuz if you guys were gunna do it which i had already asumed you were, then i wanted you guys to get it over with......So realy it's not my fault....you could have NOT kissed him.....and you shoudl be sorrie....and you shouldn't like him....he doesnt like you and it meant nothing to him.....so w/e if you want to pretend that it's my fault then go right ahead but its not and if ou seriously think that me saying something makes your body move then maybe you shoudl re-take science next year....
86: .ALSO you would think it woudl be common sense to know that you wouldnt want you boyfriend to make out wiht a friend youve known all your life....i jus didnt want you to feel all left out.....that really has hurt opur relationship and trust me, if i knew it would have hurt me and mitch adn you and me, then i wouldnt have even suggested it...
86: ?
X0 MiSsIn U143X0: Tara, i told u soo many times i love u and im sorry....and i know how u feel bc thats how i felt with u n james, but i dont like mitch and that kiss ment nothing to me either! and I know u sayin stuff doesnt make my body move or w/e........
X0 MiSsIn U143X0: i dont really know what to say at this point
86: well actually i knwo you felt pretty bad with james but ya knwo what? thats nothing compared to how i feel cuz you didnt and dont love him.....trust me...its waaaaaaaay worse when the person you love breeaks up with you to make out/finger another person...on top of that i had to watch.....so you know about 1/4 how i feel
86: me either but sorrie i even sed enthing in the first place and i jus wanted to let you knwo how i felt and now yo uknwo..it jus really hurt and it still does...its not a thing to jus get over....and now im lookin like the bad guy cuz i suggested it?,...i dont ahte you and ill jus drop it between me and u....lets jus say you payed me back.....<3

Auto response from X0 MiSsIn U143X0: w/e....i dont have feelings ok....r yal happy now!??!?!?!?

86: and i really ho[pe that isnt towards me cuz if it is..........
86: will yo im mitch please he wants to talk to you.... ****************
X0 MiSsIn U143X0: ok, it was towards u....I juss...i dont wanna feel ne thing ne more! i dont wanna be mad at u or feel the pain of u being mad at me, i dont wanna feel like this thing with me n mitch means something when i know it doesnt..... and i know u feel worse than me, but at the time, i feel like u do now.......dont be sorry for suggesting it, bc u have no reason to be dorry, i do....i thank u from the bottom of my heart for doing that for me.....and this is the whole reason i didnt wanna do it bc it would mess everything up with everyone!
86: k well we cant take nethign back now....lets jus drop it...
86: *DROPPED*
X0 MiSsIn U143X0: fine

YoU

:: 2004 7 June :: 3.32 pm

hahahahaha, i found this very funny....Brittany (Tara's friend) called me whormatized....wtf kinda word is that?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? lol........ok.....I am ****STILL**** on the phone with Lisa and she is really really crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but yeah i need to go fix my journal buh bye

YoU

:: 2004 7 June :: 3.23 pm

**Ive decided that Im not ever going to kiss ne one ever ever agen! woop woop....... (Lisa, dont say ne thing lol) But this is a convo between me n Tara....im 143x0 and Tara is 86**

143X0: bc her ass is callin me a tramp and telling me im "whorematized" and all this crap.....and i would accept that if it were tru and if u haadnt told me to do it
86: k well i did tell both of you guys NOt to also..so ill tell her not to call you that but you are in teh wrong and you coudl have stopped your self reguardless of what i sed....you sed you were only ok with makinout wiht him adn i sed w/e idc
143X0: when did u tell us not to
143X0: bc i didnt want him to finger me! bc of u!!!!
86: i didnt say oh yeah1 i want you to! i sed that to mitch waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay b4 i told him not to....and neways even if i did say you coudl...who the heel would make out wiht someones b/f....oh so you jus made out with hi,m?....mucho better sara! *CLAPS*
143X0: fuck it, ok....juss forget it Tara....look, im trying to b nice and all, but u were comin over to us every five minutes askin us why we werent doin it!!! I didnt even want to, I did it bc it was better than being fingered by him! if u didnt want me to, u should have told me.....u nvr told me u didnt want us too....
86: well i otld mithc and its jus as much hos fault as it is urs so w/e thanx

4 FuCk | YoU

:: 2004 7 June :: 8.12 am

Hey yall!!! ewww, I have a dentist appmnt.... and a eye one 2...*grand*! so yeah, I love how Brittany (Tara's friend) Keeps callin me a tramp, well, i finally told her off this morning.....

her comment:
your a muther fuckin whore if i was tara i would not only kcik your ass i would burry you .... you thynk his eyes are pretty and you and mitch talked alnoe thats taras man bitch get your own


My comment:

ey bitch, shut the hell up! I have a right to think his eyes are pretty, i told him that to his face.....Im not tryin to fukin steal the boy from her....and me n Mitch were friends b4 him n Tara went out, so i dont have to stop talking to him!!!!!! so shut the fuck up....If Tara wants to kik my ass let her come down here and do it, i dont give a fuck, i know what I did was wrong, but i dont know why the fuck yall r gettin sooooo upset when.....SHE ASKED US TO DO SOOOO MUCH MORE THAN MAKING OUT BUT ME N MITCH SAID WE COULDNT DO IT SO WE ONLY MADE OUT!!!! and I really love how u tell Tara ur her best friend....but only when Sara and COdy ann are grounded!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SO yeah......thats bout it with that subject......I am really fed up with it, even tho I knew it was gunna happen...at least fukin Anthony, who doesnt like me very much can juss be neutral and listen to me w/o bitchin @ me....

Sarah, my phone died sorry.......I will call u later today....<<3!

Lisa, good job w/ ur shows....idk why I dont juss post a comment, to dam lazy I think......

iightii yall, im out!

1 FuCk | YoU

:: 2004 6 June :: 12.33 pm
:: Mood: sad

a friend
...hmmmm, im really sad.....My friend, we'll call her "Tiffany"...she changed for this guy...or so I think....but ever since then, she's been into alot of different stuff....and different friends...which don't include me....and the funny part is, she gave up everything she loved in just a few days...w/ the exception of a few things....I juss wish that she would still hang out w/ her old friends....u know, the ones that have always been there for her w/ each boy....and each problem....and everything...I juss want her to know that when ever she needs me, ill still be here for her.....bc i love her, and still consider her one of my best friend!...this person prolly knows who I am talking about, but I guess thats good, bc then I wont have to tlk to her bout it on IM...so yeah....


and T0dd: I love u and I hope we can get back together this summer, but plz babi, dont make any new scars! bc when u told me u had scars, i freaked out 4 realz! *Kissez*

3 FuCk | YoU

:: 2004 6 June :: 12.16 pm

woop woop...hey yaalll i juss woke up....awww i feel so bad, my brother is crying bc he got fired...:'( awww......im sooo bored...had a crazy dream....me n sarah and a whoole bunch of freek ppl ( I was the only "prep" i thiink) and we were at this rave and there was a whole bunch of ppl raving and hanging out and dancing...and me n Sarah were juss hanging out talking and she looked a lil bit preppy ( at least she was taller this time lol) and yeah she kept hiding my stuff....

idk wtf was up w/ that dream?!?!?! lol....


ne ways.....I know, i talk about Sarah like 24/7....sry yall....my life is too boring to have ne more friends that r really interesting, and if i do, i havent tlked to em lately........and my dreams used to all be about me n other people, like shane or zach....
Leannes bday was Sunday...soooo:
happy bday babe! (sorry im late) and Zach told me that Mellisa took pubies from a bum and put them in Leannes cake lol...ewww!

YoU

:: 2004 5 June :: 10.23 pm

I l0vE sArAh 4 LyFe!!!!

14 FuCk | YoU

:: 2004 5 June :: 8.48 pm

....soo, me n Sarah are talking.....about her coming here and how I shouldnt be nervous and all that....but I am.....its gonna drive me crazy, but im not going to try and be some one Im not just to please her, bc it will prolly make her discusted or w/e.... and now, according to everyone (Cept Anthony who doesnt really like me in the first place but atleast will listen to me, Sarah and Emily...) I am a tramp.....Its gettin ti me today and idk y bc it nvr has b4....Im juss gonna forget about it....and for all u ppl who wanna know if I like Mitch....the answer is as a friend only......bc I know it wouldnt be able to form into ne thing....bc of the distance........+ I am scared of guys in Bradenton since Brett....:'(

YoU

:: 2004 5 June :: 6.50 pm
:: Mood: sad

my week..
Something interessting happens to me every summer, last summer it was James....him asking me out on the fourth of july...well, at least trying to ( he missed by a few hrs lol)
and this summer (yeah i fuked up already) its something that will haunt me a long time, the thing that happened & the words that were said afterwardz, its gonna make my summer miserable, i can tell u that....Oh well, I deserve it, so yeah....heres what happened:
Saturday, Mitch and Tara came over, mind u, this is my first time meeting Mitch, so I wouldnt blame u for calling me a tramp afterwards like every one else has.....well, my dad invited them down to Napels with us for a few days.....so we went, and we hung out in the pool and in my room, and well, i guess i looked mega bored and lonely.....even tho I was only bored bc I had to sit there watching Tara and Mitch make out the whole time....but I didnt mean for this all to happen...i didnt mean to show my bordness and have Tara ask Mitch to finger me........but she did.....and we talked about it, and i was all game and so was he, but we backed out bc it really wasnt right.....so we discussed it for a lil while and Tara kept asking us why we werent and telling us to do it bc she felt bad for leaving me out.....but I finally told Tara the most we would do is make out if ne thing....so I got back in the pool to tlk to Mitch and tell him what was going on....so we talked about that for a lil while, and we finally kissed....*meana i think i xadurated when i said 10 minues*
for like 5 minutes....and Tara I guess saw us and she got out of the pool and walked away....she went upstairs crying.....and yall really have no idea how bad i feel for doing this at all...I wouldnt have done it if she hadnt asked/ told us too...but i guess we should have gone down on the beach and done it instead.....so we were on oposit sides of the house, she was crying, and I was juss gettin all teary eyed and Mitch was sittin there tryin to talk to both of us...and then wee went out for ice cream @ like midnight and i guess everything was all good bc the next morning, me, Mitch, and Tara wwere all laying down watching finding nemo together...but she watched us like a hawk, and i dont blame her at all.....sooooo, we hung out, and went to the pool across the street and they made out some more so i got out after a while to let them do w/e and juss cleaneddd and took a shower and we went to Ruby Tuesdays and it was fun....me n Tara learned alot about Mitch, like that he liked to read...If u saw him, u would have never thought that.....after that mom took us to oublix and we got smirnoff ice....and we went to look at these HUGE ASS houses....we drove onto a "million doller lot" and mitch said he was gonna take some of that grass and sell it on ebay and build a house (and i get my own storie :-) ) and he is gonna have a worm farm...then we drank the smirnoff ice, me n mitch shared most of em...juss so they would go longer...went swimming agen and i went to walk on the beach and mitch went with me...annd this is at night so it was dark....and we talked and argued about a hotel...lol....he even wen tup to this lil girl asking her what the name of the place was called...but we talked alot about what happned with me n him and how we didnt expect what we saw ( like he didnt expect me to be the way i am, bc hes tlked to me online) and visa versa....and juss stuff......so then Vince asked me out, but he was fucking with me.....:'( I hate when ppl fuck with me...and then Me Mitch n Tara were planning sumthin that nvr happend...then Meana came and we went upstairs and hung out and went to bed. then Monday, Tara and Mitch woke up earlier than me n meana and went to the pool and me n meana went out like an hr later and walked right past them and didnt tlk to them when they tlked to us....and so we walked down the beach and Tara and Mitch follwed and when we were walking back we noticed they were behind us so we walked up to the top of the beach bc i was trying to avoid them...and then when Tara asked if that is what we tried to do, i said no....i juss dont feel like causing ne more trouble with them...but we all walked back togethr, well, me meana n mitch did tara walked a head of us...then Tara n Meana went to go get towels and me n Mitch stayed on the beach and tlked and yeah....he has really pretty eyes...(the only way i know is bc he asked me why i nvr look at him....the answer to that is cuz i dont wanna start to like him or ne thing or flirt) and then Tara and Mitch went home and me n meana juss hung out at the pool with Nicole and Ashley...but the rest of the time i mostly stayed up in the room bc i didnt feel good...Meana im really sorry i wasnt hanging out with u much....u know my reason......i love u and i cant wait till u get home! so yeah, we rented Texas Chainsaw Masacere. and i was really freeked out!!!!!!! and then we juss hung out i guess...me n meana didnt win ne thing at bingo.....:'( lol...I talked to Sarah a whole bunch...I cant wait till i get to c her :-D and then me n Mitch talked a few days ago bc i called him n Tara told his step dad what happened, yet, forgot to mention it was her fault...i love the girl, but dam, she cant keep tellin it like it was cheating! I really do feel bad......but I dont know what to do....so yah....how many of yall think im a tramp bc of what happened with me n Mitch???? tell the truth...plz....so yeah, i came home today...but I went to Coldstone first and my dad was at block buster so i walked over to him, but while i walking down santa barbra, these puerto rican guy holla'd at me...they were ugly so i was like w/e....hehe...:-) so yeah, i am happy to be home, miserable,, bc all i can think about is tara n mitch...but i suppose either she'll hate me forever, or get over it......idk....

YoU

:: 2004 29 May :: 10.34 am

well, next saturday, yall r gonna have ALOT to read...I'll be in Napels for the week...woop woop...Tara and Mitch are coming over today untill I leave....I so happy :-) so yeah, this whole time I wasn't tlking to Sarah (mom) or @ James house or Todds, I have been cleaning and doing laundry...which btw i need to go finish...c more cleanin!!!!!!!! and I also gotta pack so I will bbl....maybe

YoU