I was sick yesterday...and sick today...had absolutely no energy yesterday...Britt's been keeping me up to date on what I've been missing (or not missing as it seems) in school...I'm not too far behind...some math to make up, a chem worksheet I need to do...review sheet that is...I don't know if it needs to be done or not...don't think I'm too far behind in AS...art, I should be okay in that, if Nelson did what I asked him to...

Work is not what I'll be okay in...in fact, I expect to me shot when I walk tomorrow...well, more crushed beneath the books, but dead all the same...I'm gonna probably work on Friday...and on Sunday also...

Britt stopped by for a visit today...which was nice of her to do...she's going to be in town until next Monday...house sitting...

Amanda called to remind me of the field trip and to see how I was...

Carmen took me to Wal-Mart to buy some stuff...

All three things cheered me up today...

"and now my body is starting to quiver"

Aqualung=Grandia 2...that's how it is for me...whenever is hear "My God" I think of the final boss battle...and "Lick your Fingers Clean" brings back the events before entering the Granassaber...the whole album just brings back memories of that game...

And it's not just sometimes that those memories come back...everytime I listen to that album...*bam* inudated by memories...one of the only games I've cried from...kinda dorky...but hey...good memories...

Almost as good as those from Sonic 2...almost...

Today, we filled out my application for Wooster...and well...it's my last summer...although I'm looking forward to camp, I sure wish it weren't my last time to go...maybe later, when I pwn the world with my bassoon, I'll be invited to be an instructor...heh...

Quote of the day:
"People - what have you done
locked Him in His golden cage.
Made Him bend to your religion
Him resurrected from the grave."

I haven't updated since Tuesday...partly because I didn't have time, partly because I didn't feel like it, and mostly because woohu was sucking for me...I believe things are better...for me and for those involved...and thanks to Britt, who helped me out bunches...

Thursday, I went with Carmen to see the Imani Winds...amazing concert, front row and free...was such a good time...I bought their CD also, but haven't listened to it...

Friday, I stayed after school to work on Art, got it all done...mostly that is...Carmen and
Ryan stopped by, and then we went and got sushi...I then went home, after eating dinner, and played GunBound...I talked to Britt on the phone while doing so, and Sara chimed in once or twice, every so often, and randomly...or what...hmm...I went to the show that night, which was great...Carmen did a wonderful job...they all did a wonderful job...

Saturday, I worked early morning, and then started to get sick...stopped by carmen's, then went home and rested...Britt came over eventually, and then we played some putt-putt...we left to go see the TSO concert, which had an amazing trumpeteer...wow...holy shit! whatever else you want to say about him, it's true...amazing...simply amazing...I was feeling pretty badly on the way home, so we stopped by Burger King and I got a frozen Coke...after that, we stopped by Sara's, and I think I fell asleep on her couch...Carmen stopped by after I got home...she said the performance went well...we talked for awhile until my mother kicked her out...

I had a rough night last night...woke up several times, a few I was delerious while doing so...

Currently, I'm working on my paper, and updating, and talking to Britt...not getting much done on the paper...I went and saw the show again today, it was good again...they were having some technical difficulties, and that seemed to be the only problem...good show, bet they're glad they put it on, after all this huffing over it...

Quote of the day:
"There is a rain falling only on me
There is a dream I am living
There is a life I am dreaming of
There is a death I'm awaiting "

It's been awhile...

Sunday, I hung out with Coomes a bit before my concert...the concert made me so glad...I've been down, pretty much due to this whole band deal (although there were a few other contributing factors)...that night's concert cheered me right up...and I came away with a possible new friend...Carmen came up with my parents...Britt and her mom came...Coomes came with either his dad or mom...it is nice having friends venture up for you...thanks to you all...

Monday was a tiresome day...Carmen and I were up a bit late ont he phone...I hung out with her for awhile before she went to rehersal...she isn't liking that too well...but yeah...I went to work...after work, I went to the opera to work...it went okay...got home kind of late...had to go get grapes when I got home...

Today wasn't as tiresome...we both fell asleep...early...on eachother...but yeah...bought two packzis before school today, and ate them...the french lunch was a good thing...got me full...after school, I hung around with Carmen before rehersal, and then went to work...after work, to the opera...it went well tonight, got done much quicker...

Quote of the day:
"Think it was September, the year I went away,
For there were many things I didn't know.
And I still see him standing, try'n' to be a man;
I said, "Someday you'll understand."
Well, I'm here to tell you now each and ev'ry mother's son
You better learn it fast; you better learn it young,
'Cause, Someday Never Comes."

*Sigh*

Today sucked, let us put it that way...

This band, which is something that I have been looking forward to ever sinec I auditioned has been a serious let down...I was expecting something great and fantastic, but all I get is a load of shit...sure it may sound fine, but teh attitued is lacking...I had a 7 hour rehersal today, something I enjoyed at Wooster or at Blue Lake, where I didn't check the clock every 5 minutes...but today, I wished for it to be over so badly...it depressed me rather much...

I came home, to sit on the computer and play GCN...a very lonely activity...However, I did stop over at Coomes' for a tad...

Carmen came over...I have no idea what was wrong with me at that point in time, but whatever it was, it caused me to snap at Carmen...it was about the Rocky Horror Picture Show...but hell, why did I have to snap at her? There was no reason for it, and it is nobody's fault but mine...

Am I ruining whatever relationship I have with her by doing this? I'd have to believe that she can only put up with so much...before she just can't stand my constant apologies (due to my intense feelings of guilt) and my mood swings...

And even when I do think this, I know that what ever I'm thinking isn't what is happening...she is my friend, and she's helped me thus far...I know she won't get fed up...our relationship won't be ruined because of that...becuase she is such a great friend, and she cares about me...A lot...And I care about her so much...and it hurts me when I think these thoughts, that she could be like that...and I have a feeling that this doesn't make her jolly either...but this is what is on my mind...

But in that case, why do I think these thoughts? Do I like to feel down and depressed? I get that way as a direct result of these thoughts...Carmen has been there always for me when I've felt this way...

I do have more friends than Carmen...Brittany, Sara, Brendan, and others...they care too...

I like the way it feels when someone shows affection towards me or cares for me...Do I just get depressed and then whine about it to get them to care about me? I do know that they care about when I am happy, and when I am sad...and I am never really alone, I always have a phone to call...or a Carmen to hug...

I ended today by watching Seven (or "Se7en"), a truly great movie...I hope Carmen is having a good time...

Quote of the day:
"Just got home from illinois, lock the front door, oh boy!
Got to sit down, take a rest on the porch.
Imagination sets in, pretty soon I’m singin’,

Doo, doo, doo, lookin’ out my back door.

There’s a giant doing cartwheels, a statue wearin’ high heels.
Look at all the happy creatures dancing on the lawn.
A dinosaur victrola list’ning to buck owens.

Well, today was alright...woke up a bit late...oh well...I believe I fell asleep on Carmen last night...I'm not sure...I better not have...classes were shortened today...registration stuff...yeah...

I had band rehersal today...drove up there with Ardy...music kind of sucked...I was let down...I was really looking for it to be like Wooster is for me...but it wasn't...not at all...it made me sad...I wanted to cry...I've been looking forward to this for quite awhile now, and, well, I wasted my time...good thing Carmen called me soon after rehersal ended, cheered me up quite a bit...especially when it came right out of the blue...it's nice when friends do that...I wish I could have talked with her longer, but Ardy was there...

I'm hopefully going to go to the movies with her this weekend...my concert is at 7:30 in Stranahan theater up in Toledo...on Sunday

Quote of the day:
"People are strange when you're a stranger
Faces look ugly when you're alone
Women seem wicked when you're unwanted
Streets are uneven when you're down
When you're strange
Faces come out of the rain
When you're strange
No one remembers your name"

Wow...Saturday night was the most fun ever!

It started off with work at 9, then picking up money and the corsage...I went home, played some GB and then Coomes came over...we messed around with CC, and then went to Carmen's for pictures...after pictures, we went to Uraku for a ton of sushi...5 of us had two sushi boats...it cost $250 for the 10 of us, but it was alright, the food was good and filling...

Then onto the dance...greatest time ever...I danced with Carmen the whole night, fast and slow...it is just fun to interact and mess around...although I do like slow dancing...especially with her...just being with her was great...and I saw all of the girls, Amanda, Sara, Stevie, Britt...got a lot of pictures taken...it was good...great time...too short though...and no Time Warp...although my time after the dance wasn't the greatest, it couldn't take away from how fun the dance was...

I got home on Sunday around 3:30...played some CC, GB, and then went to Kobacker with Carmen...worked on the Opera till 11:30...I went to St. Toms at 7 oclock...then came back to the load in...it was a good time, except for the fact of me working alone again...

After the load-in, we went to Wendy's to get me my meal for the day...then we picked up my sister and Sarah...took Sarah home, then took Laura to Amy's...took Carmen to Chris' for a minute, and then we went and watched the Dark Crystal...well, she did, I couldn't stay awake...I came home at 2:30, and promptly fell asleep...as always, on the phone with Carmen...

Quote of the day:
"The light of day is flowing into her virgin eyes"

Hmm...A good day for Doug? I dunno, wait and see...

Last night I ran out of time before I got to mention the hijinks that were stormed up by Doug^2, Carmen, and Esther...man o' man do we have good times together...plenty of memories...it's great...sometimes it leaves me feeling sad...they're all the same age, while I'm both a year and a grade younger...and also, we all know what happens to Seniors in June...*sigh*...

Anyways, we were fooling around trying to find out what we should wear for watersport day, in regards to our pirate outfits...we went on many adventures, one to Ben's, on to Carmen's basement, another to her kitchen, and yet another to Kroger...hehe...

Today, I did dress up as a pirate...truly the first spirit day I've taken place in...it was quite fun...and my feet smelled worse than the hockey players by the end of the time...anyways, I'm falling behind in AS, but that is expected...I just got a new game, and just found GunBound also...and I know Carmen will haul my daughter to the slaughter for that too...actually, me, and she'll skin me too...tan my hide...but seriously...

I'm almost caught up in work...joy!..after work, I went to visit Carmen at work, which was fun...after that, she came over and had some dinner...with me, of course...and then I partook in some quality Carmen time, which I needed...

I hate kids...especially male twin brats with ADD...

FF:CC pwns you all...

Quote of the day:
"Some things gal says to lad
Aren't meant as bad
But cause a little pain
They cause himpain"

Well, I went to school...got a 5 on my oral, and did farily well (I think) on my AS exam...I came home, played a game of GunBound, and then went to work...there are so many books I need to shelve, it isn't funny...I'm probably going to end up working this Friday, and then probably a good 4-5 hours on Saturday...I'm thinking I'll bump up the rest of this week to 4 hours a night, and then next week if neccessary...next week will such much, because of Band, I miss 3 days where books will build up...I need to catch up, because sure as hell the books aren't slowing down...I don't kow if I'd work faster with a helper/partner, but it sure would make a whole lot less lonely...

...And when I'm lonely, my thoughts descend unto areas where they should not be...and especially since I've been depressed recently, this isn't good...I've not been this depressed since last summer, after Wooster...and I've not really been depressed at all this year, just a little around New Years, but yeah, that wasn't a surprise to me...

Maybe in order to become happy again, I need to make some changes in my life...maybe I should make these changes quick...before it is too late...

Speaking of late...that is what it is...and I shall be going...

I really don't like being depressed, nor do I use it for attention either...I get more attention when I'm happy anyway...and I do try to get out of this slump, it is just pretty hopeless...

Quote of the day:
"I'll run in the rain till I'm breathless
When I'm breathless I'll run till I drop, hey
The thoughts of a fool's kind of careless
I'm just a fool waiting on the wrong block, oh yeah"