shiznit05
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2004 18 May :: 9.03pm
When I was young
I never needed anyone
And makin’ love was just for fun
Those days are gone
Livin’ alone
I think of all the friends I’ve known
But when I dial the telephone
Nobody’s home
All by myself
Don’t wanna be, all by myself anymore
All by myself
Don’t wanna live, all by myself anymore
Hard to be sure
Some times I feel so insecure
And love so distant and obscure
Remains the cure
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2004 18 May :: 7.18pm
Today, Brittany, someone might ask you what you're up to or what you're thinking about. Scorpios often think about things that are often inaccessible to most people. Today it will be as if you have gone totally inside yourself on your quest for answers to your spiritual questions or to the secrets of life. Just tell that person you are trying to rest, as they probably won't understand what you're thinking about anyway...
ha
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2004 17 May :: 11.08pm
:: Mood: ugh
ive gone back into the habit of falling asleep when i get home, i dont like it when i do that, because it results in me not going to bed until well past midnight and then waking up at 6...it doesnt work
school was a waste...band was nothing special, pops concert will be decent except for freckles, freckles is dumb, but wizard is awesome, and the movement of danceries we're playing is actually a good one, and the boroque song is really cool to listen to, but we dont play the cool parts so its a slight let down...
math test will be my death, i still cant get certain formulas to pop out at me, so we'll see...but that class is again a waste...its so bland
spanish...well lets put it this way, i dont care about subjentives...or weddings
study hall...biggest waste of time ever..its starting to bore me
chemistry, i dont get it, megan had to explain it to me in the lunch line and it finally clicked...it was a lecture today that in the first 5 minutes drove me to sleep, then people got up and moved around which stirred my interest, ian spinning on a table is quite the sight
AS...we did work today on the project..it's coming together, but everyone is getting tense about it, so nothing is easy going in that class, normally i can make things light with jokes...not now
track...ugh, coach wasnt there and it had started to rain, so we were inside, we lifted a little, nothing too hard, but something productive, the boys trained with the medicine ball, i didnt join them because they were throwing it a lot harder than i would ever be able to, and i didnt want tog et in the way, so vannett and i did a lot of abs, it was fun, and we found chalk, so we'll see how that works out for us. coach came back and gave us our schedules for districts...last flight last thrower for shot, and last flight second thrower for disc...chances of me making finals for either...slim to none :(
i can't decide if i want track to be over yet or not. is it bad that i feel like an outsider while im there? i cant talk to emgan or kelly because they're off running, vannett i can talk to for short periods of time before my eyes start to cross, stacie's not bad but again with the eye crossing, ian adam and bob seem to make it a point to seperate themselves from the group...i dont know, i used to think i could talk to those guys now i just feel incredibly inferior and dont even want to test it anymore, all this plus the fact im failing at disc horribly isnt helping the whole self esteem...but i like track, because its something to do everyday, and i really do enjoy throwing when everyone is getting along and theres no pressure...unfortunately this week is full of pressure...i just dont know anymore
remember when we had girls nights? its been awhile...
remember when we all actually hung out? yea, its also been awhile for that
change is bad, everything has taken a 180 lately, and everytime i try to bring it up it gets shot down, so im sitting here in my turmoil and that cant be good for my mental state
i talked to my parents about cincinnati..i think they're finally getting comfortable with the idea of me going away to college :)
relay is this weekend, and because of me not making it to finals probably i'll be able to get there by 8! :) that makes me extremely happy
ive rambled enough
2 seeds |
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2004 16 May :: 11.24pm
:: Mood: undecided
well this weekend was a bust...friday was spent at nlls of course, and i went to bed that night and slept until 10, it was glorious, then i went shopping with my mom and dad...i seriously cannot spend more than a few hours with them, they ask too many questions and give too many speeches, so i was really planning on going out that night...it didnt happen. sara stevie and emgan were all working, jackie went to kats party, and the boys decided to have a boys night and not call me...so i was the big loser left home alone on a saturday night...i watched big fish though, good movie...wow im pathetic
i went to bed last night in a pretty horrible mood, in tears, i just kind of wept myself to sleep, ian just told me to sleep it out and try to forget about it, its hard, but it'll go away soon...but gah, what an ass
today i went to 4h and relay, both were productive, i was at alis for a bit, felt extremely out of place and ended up leaving after a game of pool and a short conversation..i meant to come home and write my paper, instead i fell asleep and didnt start it until 930, i finished it by 10, and its bad, but its finished, i just need a semi decent grade on it
im really ready for school to be out...im tired of having to keep working and doing the exact same thing everyday...i swear, all the days are just blurring together because there is nothing seperating them! its so annoying
2 seeds |
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2004 16 May :: 11.02pm
You think that I go home at night
Take off my clothes, turn out the lights
But I burn letters that I write
To you, to make you love me
Yeah, I drive naked through the park
And run the stop sign in the dark
Stand in the street, yell out my heart
To make, to make you love me
I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
You may not believe in me
But I believe in you
So I still take the trash out
Does that make me too normal for you?
So dig a little deeper, cause
You still don't get it yet
See me lickin' my lips, need a primitive fix
And I'll make, I'll make you love me
I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
See me jump through hoops for you
You stand there watching me performing
What exactly do you do?
Have you ever thought it's you that's boring?
Who the hell are you?
I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2004 15 May :: 12.02am
:: Mood: uncertain
well im wet, im cold and i hurt...
today started out sooo well too!!
we had the junior/senior awards this morning, longest damn awards ever, but they werent so bad, some of the presentations were mildly entertaining and for the rest of it i doodled on the back of my program. some parts were good and really touching...i love kyle by the way :) oh and greatest thing ever, half way through the ceremony and look over my shoulder and who do i see?? Nathan! ahh...so attractive. i love that kid to death, he is amazing...and hes golfing with Mike tomorrow and i am thoroughly jealous! grr....
after the assembly, i had study hall, chem, and AS....all of which we did absolutely nothing, it was such a blow off day...then it was time for NLLs...ugh..
wednesday i threw horribly, i didnt make it to finals and coaches werent pleased, carney had made a speech about field events having to step it up, then today when im ready to walk over to the shot circle, he pulled me over and was like 'hey, remember that speech i gave on wed...that was about you, you need to really step it up today' yea, fuck you buddy.
today was shot at NLLs...i threw a 32'7'', i made it to finals, and i placed 5th, not bad, i really wanted fourth though, i dont know why but thats what i wanted at the least, well i got 5th, which i personally dont think is horrible, but you always have that feeling that if you were able to try it one more time it would come out to be so much better...but you never get that other chance...its aggravating
girls ended up placing second in the league...by a lot..we'll pay for it on monday, runners moreso than me, i'll just get more speeches on needing to step it up...ok, they've given me that speech like 3 times a week since the beginning of the season, and it hasnt worked yet, you'd think they'd try a new strategy or something
im starting to feel like the loop hole again, i realize that im not, but its hard
i miss life when it was simple...if i could switch places with anyone, i would switch places with a 5 year old...they dont care about anything, as long as they can run outside and their snack will be waitiing for them when they're ready thats all they need....no stresses from teachers, peers, coaches, or in all actually yourself. ive gotten so down on myself lately, its horrid, and i see no way around it, people say to lighten up, but i cant, im just not performing to the best of my abliilties and i feel like a big slacker...grr..
i dont like it when bad memories are brought up again...the whole prom comment came up tonight at the meet...i wanted to cry, it still bothers me, and it probably will for awhile, but as long as its not brought to the table, im fine...ugh, i just wanted to hide when they brought it up, i couldnt get up and leave though that would only result in snide/smart ass comments and giggles...im fine with them thinking its humorous, if they find it funny thats great...their sense of humor must be far superior to my own...id just appreciate it not being said anymore...ever
im not looking forward to track next week...ians done so he wont be coming :(...he should, if nothing else throw shot or something, idk, i just want him there...him and his stupid singing of 'somewhere over the rainbow'
idk...i think ive rambled enough
2 seeds |
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2004 10 May :: 8.20pm
:: Mood: relaxed
today was decent...my foot was really giving me some problems today, it hasnt lately so i find it odd that it was such a bother...oh well, i just need to hold out until next saturday..its completely do-able
math is starting to bug me, we're writing recursive shit for things that have awkward patterns, and im used to patterns just jumping out at me, and lately these have not, and its really bothering me, because we have a quiz tomorrow and this stuff isnt exactly something you can study for, plus we have a shortened period to take it...stress!!
spanish was dumb, im seeing no point with that class anymore...study hall was fun though, i hung out with daniel and ian, ian was being so restless, he would not stop going through my things and he wouldnt let me work on my spanish without eating part of the paper...its like omg...calm down! lol, but it was fun, very entertaining
chem...review...my team kicked butt until she started asking random science trivia...grr, so we ended up losing, but when we concluded the test review questions we had won by 2 points....so james is a meanie returns wins again!
AS...slept through the entire movie, will not do well on the response that goes along with it...ugh, that class will be my death
had an interview today...members of my group werent being cooperative, megan got the rebuttles because she set up the time for it, but she only went by the times given to her for everyone's availablilty, no one had any right to go at her like that...it not only stresses her out when its not needed but it stresses everyone out...it was just unjustified, and that totally put me not in the mood to go to track, it was too hot and miserable for the first part...then we actually started to throw and it was ok after that, good day with bob...he's so funny, horribly mean, but funny haha...im so gonna miss him next season! its horrible, but i still have adam and ian and angie :)
tomorrow will be a light practice filled with discus...no shot for me tomorrow, but i need to get disc in like mad, so i think i may throw in the jh circle in order to get away form the mass amounts of people we always have around...it'll be nice. im still not completely comfortable with disc, and i really should be...i mean nlls are wednesday, it'll come out fine though, it always does
hmm...i wonder if the buses will be segregated...because if they arent, i have a nice list of topics that i want to talk about...haha
1 seed |
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2004 9 May :: 8.46pm
:: Mood: good song....good movie
Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light
Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2004 9 May :: 8.27pm
The Gift of Time
To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.
To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who just missed the train.
To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask a person who just avoided an accident.
To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a Silver medal in the Olympics.
Time waits for no one.
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2004 9 May :: 6.08pm
oh shitty day...shitty day...
the past few days have not been ones that i would like to relive...little things have either made me extremely jealous, extremely annoyed, angry, or frustrated...idk
saturday was band...all damn day long, and i hated it all. i slept during the bus rides because there was nothing else to do...no one was being entertaining, and i didnt feel like sitting there and talking about nonsense for 2.5 hours...so i did the only thing i knew would bring me peace...sleep. and i did that a lot. we stopped at some amazing rest stops, got food, played, got a two, chatted with ian amanda and dougy's mommies and dougs daddy...got back on the bus...and slept, got home, and took a 2 hour nap, idk what my deal is
got home, nelson was having a bonfire, i didnt want to go...so i went out ot eat with amanda, that was mucho fun, kelly called, we were told to make an appearance at the fire, so we did, for like 5 minutes, and then we left to go to meijer with intentions on not coming back, so we went to maijer, saw G, had fun, and then went to amandas house, chatted with her family, and then went to dougs...i havent spent time with doug in a long time - we need to work on that...but track has seemed to consume me, and when i do have free time im just tired..not wanting to see anyone or do anything
lately ive just been wanting people to not be around...its a horrible thing to say, but there are a selected few that i could spend time with every day, but as for the rest..i could go for a break, its like omg, i see you every damn day, and its the same thing every damn day...ugh! i cannot wait until school gets out
adam and ian brought up the idea of a throwing camp this summer...it sounds so cool...i really wish i could go to one, but i researched it a bit, and i only found one in ohio, and it was $495...thats a lot, i dont think my parents would be able to afford that :( its a bummer, but i still think it would be amazing
i lined up possible dates for a job interview...maybe there will actually be something else to do this summer that different...monotony kills
i havent figured out how...but im getting away this summer...ive got a few ideas up in my head...im not ready to divulge them though because they're just in the first stages of planning. some of them are actually do-able...one is fairly far fetched, but its still nice to think about it, its actually really nice to picture a few days without seeing BG, and the people from here, its not meant to sound mean, and i know thats how im coming off...but i guess lately ive been going through severe mood swings, and attitude changes and people are taking notice...i didnt notice until they said something, and i dont think i mind...sure im changing...but i dont know if the change is necessarily bad...idk
the final project is coming along...some are doing more than others...im sorta in the middle, i should be doing more, and as soon as this week is over and next week is udner way i should be ok, i plan on helping out jackie a lot in the editing, if she lets me that it...thats her environment, i wouldnt want to intrude
next saturday i have a date with the xray machine...im really not excited about it, but im just glad i was able to talk my parents into waiting until after the season, hopefully its nothing serious...i know its something, its just the degree of it thats unknown
1 seed |
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2004 7 May :: 10.32pm
ok, its been awhile, and i have been threatened
school last week was horrid, we all know about derek, and we're all sorry it happened, we mourned for that week and it seems to have passed us now, we're doing ok...
this week though school was great, idk what it was, but everyday just got better and better, i have a theory as to why, but let's wont get into that right now, would you like a piece of gum? (sorry inside joke)...anyway, yea, this week was amazing...happy britt...
prom....prom was fun...started off sorta awkward..the whole being a big loser and not having a date really drags you down for the first slow song, plus you dont know when its cool to start dancing because some people havent finished their meals...idk, it was still a lot of fun :) yay prom...ugh
umm...track...sandusky relays...went alright, wasnt as scary as i thought it was going to me, i threw kinda crappy, wasnt really into it, and felt like shit on the way home, i sat with bob though, so it was alright, i dont like him to see me in a sad mood so i put on a smiling face...its not like he noticed or anything, we both slept anyway...ummm rossford/northview...i was sweet...33'6.5'' yea, thats right, major PR right there! and disc...eh, i dont remember haha...perkins...threw not so great 31'11'...adam was amazing and threw a 145, got praised for it too...lucky...we sat by each other on the bus, i really enjoyed that bus ride, good convo...we're pretty good at this talking stuff now, so :) idk if he enjoyed it, but i did...
im treasurer of SAB for next year...yet another thing to put on applications..woo!
hmm...girl is starting to have problems again. but this time the outcome may be worse because shes not seeing the problem as a problem....confusion!!
abby is now gone from track..her spot was taken and there arent anymore varsity meets with 3 places and she cant do JV...the end of an era, it seriously bums me out, i didnt want to go to track today because she wasnt going to be there...i love abby...next year just isnt going to be the same without her...and what about bob?! how can we have a season without bob?? idk how im going to deal with that...i need to not be so attached to people...damn this
interesting arrangements have been made throughout the past few weeks...its so odd that its all coming down at the same time...this probably isnt making sense but its ok, idk, the past few weeks have been kinda crazy, nothing is how it used to be...change is bad
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2004 26 April :: 2.55pm
:: Mood: ugh
yup, im a slacker, i stayed home from school today, i didnt go to track, and ive done a lot of sleeping
ok, so i havent updated in awhile and previous commenters are starting to get demanding so we'll see what we can do
last week at school is kind of a blur right now...nothing exciting must have happened then....meet on tuesday, i got 2nd and 5th in shot and disc respectively...it was cold but fun, southview has no class and we dont like them very much...afterwards me megan hodges ian and daron went to arbys, that was tons of fun, i didnt end up going home until 930, and i remember not doing my hw...good times. arbys was seriously a lot of fun though, i enjoy sitting down with a small number of people and just letting the conversation go in whatever direction it pleases...contrary to popular belief, i am not one that enjoys massive amounts of people all around me at the same time, id rather i be with 5 of my good friends than 30 of my acquaintances
all people seem to be engulfed my prom...im trying not to be, but it cant be helped, i however, am the big loser without a date...it'll be ok though, we're going as a group so maybe it wont be obvious and if it is i'll succumb to making myself a sign and attaching it to my dress that states big loser...urg to me and my normal teenage girl discomforts, at times i really wish i wasnt so stereotypical. i wish i could be one of those girls that things dont bother me, that i dont care what i look like, or what my status is, i wish i could get to the point in life where i only answer to myself...however, im way too superficial for that to be so
hess burned himself...fairly seriously, he was up in the hospital and i had no free time to go see him, i felt horribly about it, but there was nothing i could do...hes home now, so i shall make my way over there soon and hopefully shed some joy to his ignorant and incompetent bubble...
friday....party at ians. many people were there, half stayed upstairs the other half watched kill bill...i would have watched the movie but they started it without some of us and i really dislike watching a movie without seeing the beginning, so i opted for hanging out upstairs with barber, daron, ian and megan....good times.
saturday....fostoria, i placed 4th and 6th in shot and disc respectively...not too shabby, i got to talk to whitney and tell her she was sweet and amazing, i also told her my ymca secret and she looked at me weird...so any hopes of a friendship there is hereby terminated, oh well..shes not that amazing, just sweet. i got burnt again, and it was a long day...mainly spent with bob adam and ian...it was fun, but i think spending that much time could actually be a detriment, im not completely sure what i mean by that but its what i feel
ians house again that night...not as many people, we played hide and seek though, which was interesting, i wasnt feeling very good though so i wasnt that great of compant so i apologize to those that were there...just blame pms or something, idk
sunday...busy day....tara got confirmed..yay! shes the last of us to do it...bittersweet really, i came to the conclusion that i am sweet in my memorizing capapbilities because i still knew most of the answers to the round of questions and answers...that was like a 15 page packet we had to know and i still knew it...i guess those 8 years of catechism classes really did something...i felt sweet though..was busy with that most of the morning, started to work on my 4h project a tad, went to a relay meeting, came home and tried to do hw, failed and went to sleep...woke up and i didnt go to school...so i did a lot of work on the hw i failed the night before, wrote a letter of recomendation, got ahead is gatsby and worked on our final project of greatness...im really starting to get excited about it which is odd..it takes a lot to get my excited about school nowadays
ive been rather bitter lately...and i know why, but its really hard to explain it to someone...anyone actually. people can tell somethings wrong too...they keep asking, its like they feel obligated to hear me rant becuase i listen to them or something, i appreciate it really, but its hard to take seriously at the same time. idk, ive always had a problem with trusting people and wondering why they do what they do...so its hard for me to tell someone what im thinking because i dont understand their real intentions behind asking...do they really care? or are they doing it because they feel obligated? idk..its bothersome though...id rather just keeps things bottled up inside than talk something out with someone who doesnt really care they just do it because they'll feel better about coming to me the next time they have something to vent about..like to make the score even or something, idk, its frustrating
i have the worst farmers tan ever, prom pictures will be interesting...grr..
relay will be tons of fun this year...now that ive done it once i can really jump in and help without feel out of place. so im pumped, im actually sharing ideas and they're being accepted and such, its nice to feel accepted...the only bummer is we have districts the same night so idk what time i can get there...i think adam and ian want to come so maybe we could leave as soon as we finish, im not sure though, i know megan and kelly will have to stay later so we'll see i guess, its crazy to think track is over so soon! it feels like we all just got started, and i still havent broken 33....grr...soon, i swear, along with that 100
i think im going to dye my hair again...im getting bored
ok...so lets make an agreement, ok? lets have a good week? i could use one and im sure others wont mind either
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2004 19 April :: 7.44pm
:: Mood: eh...nothing to complain about
well the end of break was kind of a waste...i didnt go out like i probably should have
thurs:
didnt make plans to go out, i wanted to have a movie night but that fell through, so i ended up making myself a huge dish of pasta and sitting in front of the television...the funny friends episode was on, the one where pheobe changes her name? yea, good times, i was supposed to go to hess's for a bonfire, but i had gone to nelsons for a bonfire the night before and idk, a fire two nights in a row? not worth it. so i stayed home and vegged...it wasnt too bad, but im a social person, so with times like those, im not normally in the greatest mood....
friday:
i didnt have to go to track today, but like my dorky self, i did, albeit i was 30 minutes late and completely missed warm up, i still showed even when i was told i could stay home. ive been getting better at disc and staying the exact same in shot...its fristrating, and i dont know how to fix it, and i think thats the most frustrating part, knowing what needs to be done, trying to fix it and failing, so idk what im gonna do...my varsity spot in shot has been threatened, so im hoping the theory of throwing farther when you're pissed off really is true...friday night i also did nothing, i went and got groceries with my mom, i was going to go to the pasta party, however i didnt have a flyer and i couldnt get ahold of people who had one and was willing to be helpful. so off to napoleon i went with my mom...it was boring, i hate shopping for groceries
sat:
had to wake up way too early for napoleon invitationals...great meet, i really enjoy that one each year...i threw average for me, and we placed third in both...to make a long story short...long day, hot, i got burned, got home, went shopping with amanda, had fun, found nothing, came home, fell asleep and missed a call from ali carrie and megan...the end
sunday:
i slept in, missed church....and wrote my responses for AS...got prepared to go to school the next day. i started getting ideas for my road trip this summer..my mom told me i needed to venture out, so i think im going to, i havent decided where to...adam suggested backpacking, however, ive never backpacked before and i dont think my mom would let me do that on my own, so i would need to take someone experienced with me aka adam...and that wont happen, so maybe we'll do some day hikes around here, becuase i think that sounds amazing, but as for my road trip...im not sure yet, i have awhile to plan
monday:
school is back...it wasnt too bad, we were all dargging a little bit, but i think we were all happy to see each other again, i never saw tim all break, so we had a nice reunion today...i love tim, science wont be the same without him next year...
ok amanda. theres your update
3 seeds |
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2004 18 April :: 7.03pm
You are Krusty the Clown!!
Always cracking clever jokes and insulting others you love being the center of attention. Off the cameras however, you become a cynical, depressed, asshole.
hehe
3 seeds |
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2004 15 April :: 2.10pm
BUD LIGHT: You're laid back and low maintenance - a people-person, who wants everyone else to be having as much fun as you are. You make friends and jokes easily, and though you're definitely a smart ass, you're good-natured. Every man's beer for everyone's friend.
its funny...because i dont even like bud light
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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