Life In Yasmania

:: 2005 11 December :: 1.22am

Finals make me nervous....i havent studied yet. That sux.

2 smart personsmart people | any ideas?

:: 2005 10 December :: 8.34pm

Ok just cuz i'm on a xanga break doesn't mean i cant write in here right?

Good cuz i'm bored.

And I'm eating through this thing of cookie dough. Its amazing.
I've lost weight since I got here so its ok...because this is amazing.

This is more of my analyzation journal anyway.

Once i finish this cookie dough im going to study...it needs to be done.

I learned all about plants today...gymnosperms, angiosperms, conifers...haha man its super. I know all of their reproduction cycles too ::nods:: Im so smart...::rolls eyes::

I need Kingdom Hearts...it stops all thoughts.

I've hit a certain degree of insanity, i've hit it with a large hammer that doesnt even exist.

O.o
a'g;lhjrh-]iikht

I'm going to study and pray that it saves me from myself.

~Jackie

:: 2005 10 December :: 8.34pm

:: 2005 10 December :: 3.07am

So you're afraid of coming to conclusions [about yourself], thereby possibly nullifying other possibilities.
You want to remain open minded to the point that you can't trust your own intuitions.

true for me?

toki	:: 2005 9 December :: 3.10am GOD FUCKING DAMN IT! I'm a fucking mess. I don't even know why. Plus, I'm tired of drunk people. I just want to sleep. any ideas?

:: 2005 8 December :: 1.14pm

I failed my bio test...i really honestly dont think i can become a doctor. I am failing freshman year biology!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Yea not good. Fuck i screwed my friends speech over so bad so now i have to go help her...we have to add a minute to her speech. Adios

:: 2005 4 December :: 12.59am

have you ever been walking up the stairs and you forget that there isnt a step...so you prepare for one...and sort of lunge forward because of surprise and then upright yourself, and look around to make sure no one's looking?

Read more..

:: 2005 3 December :: 2.50am

I'm Sad...i dunno why.

1 smart person | any ideas?

:: 2005 3 December :: 1.24am
:: Mood: gloomy
:: Music: skindred

I PASSED CLEP ON WEDNESDAY! woo no english classes...but six credits!!!

am a little worried about doing well in school, because dad will be angry.

justin's so frustrating. i have half a mind to not even talk to him anymore, but then it would hurt too much...but maybe just not to talk to him for a bit, but then he'd be angry.

but he wants me to be him...not to be me. that's frustrating too. why cant i be hyper or sad when i feel what i do? why does he critisize everything i and everyone else do?

no one has ever inspired me to do so much artwork when i think about them. in fact, whenever id done it before, it was to give to them, not in reminisence of them. the hand picture, a poem, a descriptive story, a painting...that isnt soemthign that anyone has made me do before.

how is someone so controlling so appealing?

its sad how ridiculously infatuated i am with him. and yet, everytime he tells kristen to get over stunkel, i cant help but wonder if he's really talking to me.

i dont know ama take a bath. g'night

:: 2005 2 December :: 5.38pm

Hi...im still alive but sickness is killing me....i hate school. Grades not so hot. I dunno. im just tired. nothing really new im just sick adn tired adn whiney! im gonna go shopping so ill take out my not happiness on that. :) maybe ill find a good thrift store!!!

:: 2005 2 December :: 11.30am

So I feel like being creative but its hard because laziness is over-powering my creativeness. Damn.

I did start writing a new story in chem today though. I figured it was a better-much more entertaining use of my time. I've completely given up on chem...its a waste of time to even try to learn it. It can go fuck itself.

But yeah i've been thinking a lot about what I want/need. I realized that I don't like myself- nothing new there but that perhaps what i'm looking for relationship-wise is someone who can make me like myself.

I think its basically impossible. I've doubted everyone i've dated...in my mind they had no reason to like/love me, my explanation was just that they didnt know me or they didnt realize that they didnt really love me or what not. But then again that could just go back to me believing that I'm not worth being liked/loved...its quite the strange circle.

::shrugs:: I'm pretty calm today...those are just recent thoughts you know?

This is only in here because this journal (dear lord i almost spelled that "Gernal"!) is relatively safe...i think.

In other news, i'm getting sick :( My tummy hurts mucho...ever since yesterday and its not going away :(

In better news erm um...not sure.

I lose.

Heh.

Alright bye.

~Jackie

:: 2005 2 December :: 11.30am

3 smart personsmart people | any ideas?

:: 2005 28 November :: 5.09pm

Long time.

I'm wasting the few hours I have left before I MUST study. EUHGURH
I hate chemistry!!!

So this journal is much safer than xanga. I can easily guess who may read this one...xanga, everyone knows about it so its not somewhere that i can really trust.

Thanksgiving break was amazing, though it did suck that I didnt see everyone I wanted to or get to spend much time with everyone.

Then there were the people I did see that I kind of wish I didnt...

Nick is the perfect example haha...

Its hard even to put my thoughts in here... scary.

I need somewhere to sort things out but how many times do I have to sort this issue out???

I've spent the last few years dealing with it and stressing over it and exploding over it

How ridiculous am I???

Very. Boo.

College was supposed to make it go away...

I was so sure it would.

But nooo...i still make dumb decisions that affect things at home and make me go...wtf was I thinking???

Blah. I need dinner.

~Jackie

toki	:: 2005 27 November :: 12.29am :: Mood: nauseated :: Music: Vienna- Billy Joel Yay for feeling worthless, jerky, and just all around crappy. Ryan Hoffman and I ate ice cream and watched Firefly. We were being girly. So that was fun. Until I got sick from the ice cream, lol. any ideas?

:: 2005 24 November :: 2.23pm
:: Mood: angry

that turkey on google taunts me. he has pie and cranberry sauce in front of him. i want all that and mashed potatos and sweet potatos and green beans...a normal thanksgiving dinner. ive been so excited about it. but, no. we're having appetizers...cheese and crackers. i was more full last night when we went to red robin!