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Life In Yasmania

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mudpiegrl

:: 2006 18 November :: 1.20am
:: Mood: contemplative

I'm at a strange point i never thought i'd find myself at...i could easily find myself in a relationship in a week. i could also easily find myself in temporary consolation with a few guys. logically, one says, the relationship. but i've weighed the circumstances. i'd be hindered to a certain extent...rather than doing what i want when i want. i kinda like going out to dinner or lunch with whomever asks and not worrying about who's going to care.

on the other hand, it'd be nice to have someone who i can always call and they're prepared to come see me. but that also means that i'd have to be the same way...or that they may be over too much...::cringe:: i dont know what i want right now and i really dont want to drag anyone into my life without really caring for them.

i somewhat feel like a whore, as well as like im walking away from something that i need...but i dont know waht i need or want right now...just that im having fun in my classes and making anything i care to make. it's nice...

any ideas?


mudpiegrl

:: 2006 18 August :: 10.03pm

im finally home from work.

i spent an awesome week in the city. patrice and i both got jobs; mine is at columbia and hers is at coldstone. we ate at some restaurants, walked on some streets, spent loads of money, went grocery shopping. we unpacked a lot, and patrice has endless clothes.

i went to columbia today to sign a paper at ten am, then hurried to make the ten thirty metra to north glenview, which i did.
except i got on the west line...not the north. so i had to turn around, wait thirty minutes for the eastbound train, run off that train to catch the northbound and i finally made it to north glenview, and then to yardhouse, forty minutes late. but work wasnt too bad. i coloured mostly.

afterwards, i called a bunch of friends and my family. no one could come pick me up. none of my friends answered, and my brother was going out, and my parents were both too intoxicated. isn't that fun?
my brother didnt even leave until i got home anyway...and i had to have katie, who was planning to head twenty minutes the opposite direction, drive me home.

so needless to say, im a little perturbed.

however, my paycheck is $402.80, the most i've ever made on one paycheck. and it's most of my rent.

also, my new job pays $7.75/hr, and has a steady 20 hrs a week. that makes $155 a week, $620 a month, minus taxes, but it's still good for rent. heck yes! plus, i'm planning on aquiring another job for the weekends... :-D

any ideas?


mudpiegrl

:: 2006 25 July :: 12.58am

im sorry i threw a fit tonight.


i didnt want to.


i wish that people would understand that when im upset, i should be left alone, because otherwise, i get more upset.


::sitting by self::


"what's the matter?"


"i'm fine." leave me alone


"no, you arent." i wont be if you dont leave me alone.


"dont worry about it."


"well, im going to." then im going to start crying soon.


"please dont."


"i do. im your friend." funny, now you are? you were so excited to see me and then didnt talk to me all night and now that im upset, you're my friend?


wow. that's great. i have great friends. ones who always stick up for me when im in trouble...they're really great at pulling me out of the mud.


and yes, i know how accessible this is and yes, im doing it on purpose.


this is why i hate doing anything with "couples". not because im lonely but becuase you pay attention to no one but yourselves. you might as well go nowhere with anyone else and drown in each other.


so that's really it. im sick of work. im sick of everyone here. i cant stand home, watching my mum deteriorate. im ready to leave.


so goodnight. i'll do something that i actually want to do in the morning. like the fact that tonight, i wanted to go to Ra with coworkers...like i do every sunday. but i didnt because i was asked to do something else, something with people i was told really wanted to see me.


what a fucking lie.

1 smart person | any ideas?


mudpiegrl

:: 2006 16 July :: 12.14pm
:: Mood: guilty

Sorry, it's long. It's interesting...
My grandpa died, so the last four days, I was in Vancouver. We left on Wednesday to see the relatives we hadn’t seen for at least eight years, depending on the body. The beginning was strange...like reassociation.
If you didn’t know better, Nanny seemed like nothing had happened at all.
The memorial was on Thursday, and it was like being in the geriatric wing of a hospital. Three of his four kids spoke, one’s wife, and my brother in place of my dad. My brother actually cried, for what, I believe, was his first time since finding out the news. He acted fairly unaffected until then. Bernice (the youngest kid, our aunt) cornered Tyler, questioning him about our mum’s drinking and what we were doing about it. She said that no one had recognized when she arrived at Christmas. When she had left them then, Grandpa put his head down, shaking it, saying, “We’ve lost that one” and Nanny said that she’s a lost cause.
During the socializing part of the service, the cousins (Brooke, Cory, Rayden, Tyler, and me) planned to meet the next day for the BC Lions football game. We planned to pick up Cory and her boyfriend at their house to see it and then meet at Brooke’s for an hour or so, because it’s about ten minutes from the stadium. That night we went to a Greek restaurant, where I had the best lamb I've ever had.
But Rayden ended up picking us up at the hotel and took us to Cory’s house, where I saw the largest quantities of pot I've ever seen: filling a thirty gallon plastic bin. (It’s legal in BC; you’re allowed eight plants. It’s well-known enough that it’s called BC’s Best here.) They’d ordered a limo to pick us up there. Cory’s friend Twig and his girlfriend, Randy, showed up late, along with her boyfriend, Ryan. The limo was there at six and they weren’t ready yet. There began the wonderful limo ride.
The lady was strange immediately. The one rule was they couldn’t smoke, which they all do, as you could imagine. She said the sun roof had been bolted shut and the front window didn’t go up. The side container had rotten beer and mass amounts of fruit flies in it. These were all complaining points. We stopped at a liquor store (the age is 19) and everyone but Tyler and I got out to smoke and to buy. Then, because they had taken so long to get ready and get in the car, our hour was nearly up. It was a hundred dollars each way, and she tried to tell us that if we picked up Brooke and her boyfriend, Rory, that it would be another sixty dollars, rather than fifty. That didn’t go over so well. Once we had reached Vancouver, Rayden lit up…and she knew it. She threatened to kick us out. When we got to the pavilion, she said she wasn’t coming back. Ryan got $135 back (we originally paid $250) and we went in the game, dreading Cory, Ryan, Rayden, his girlfriend, Twig, and Randy joining us. In fact, Brooke, Rory, Tyler and I feared we’d be escorted out because they’d cause trouble. After the game, we went to a nearby bar. Rayden and his girlfriend left early, and Twig and Randy got in a fight where Randy ended up catching a cab herself. So Twig, Cory, Ryan and we goodfour were left. Brooke and Rory went home, because it was ten minutes away, but the other five of us had to try to catch a cab. The first one we found said eighty dollars to fit us in a normal size car. We attempted to get a van, which only took four. We ended up getting someone to do it for a hundred: seventy for the company, thirty dollars tip. We took them home from the hotel. Tyler and I walked in the hotel room at ten to three. My mum was up, making phone calls, getting her flight changed to the twenty-first. She hadn’t asked anyone, so the next morning when Nancy (my aunt by marriage) arrived at five-thirty to say goodbye to us, she was surprised to find out she had to take my mum back…to a family who was not prepared to have her for another week. She called Tyler and I as we arrived in Dallas, telling us she’d be home the next day.
The airport was yet another adventure that neither of us was prepared to face after two and a half hours of sleep. We arrived at the airport at seven-thirty and rushed through everything we could, thinking our flight was at eight o’clock. At security, I got chosen to be patted down. It got us through the line faster and she told us that the boarding was at eight o’clock. We got breakfast and jumped on the plane. We shared headphones and watched Ice Age 2 on the flight, which Tyler fell asleep at the very end. The both of us had really rough sleeps. We arrived in Dallas with two hours left, so we went to Friday’s and got wings and chips and dip. I passed out for a good hour on the Dallas-Chicago flight. Once at Chicago, we both checked one of our bags. But they weren’t at Claim 9, as they’d said they’d be. In fact, half of our flight’s bags didn’t make it there…or to Chicago at all. Nor did half the flight’s before us. Nor did some of Salt Lake City. So of course, the baggage claim was full of angry people, screaming at employees and bitching to each other. We’d arrived at six forty-five, twenty-five minutes early. We didn’t walk out of there until two hours later. Then we had to wait for the bus to take us to economy parking lot F. Then we had to buy toothbrushes and deodorant.
I came home with the responsibility my mum had agreed to previous to the trip. I had to take the neighbour’s two dogs out as well as ours. Now they’re at our house.
It was an interesting trip.
It makes me really sad that my grandpa died thinking knowing he had failed as a father with one of his five kids.

1 smart person | any ideas?


mudpiegrl

:: 2006 3 July :: 3.14pm

im in between workings. i just returned from the studio and now am going to yardhouse.

i hate how everything is right now. i want to be able to just sit and talk to someone. but the only people i ever want to talk to always have someone else with them wherever they go. or dont call me back at all.

my mum went through the table. of course, she was drunk...what else is new. so it's broken; im surprised she isnt.

so i really wnat to make a trip to the hospital...take a gander at opportunites for detox for her. she needs it badly.

work time.

1 smart person | any ideas?


toki

:: 2006 1 June :: 9.06am
:: Mood: Tired/stressed

So, my world forest final. The one he said will be a short paper wrapping up the year. 8 fucking pages. Death. I'm not too happy about this, to be honest.

I'm uber tired right now. I drove with Ryan to the airport last night. He got to sleep on the way back, but me being short got me stuck in the middle seat with no head rest and no way to rest my poor tired eyes. I had to fight to keep my eyes open. It was bad.

I'm here now with 5 hours of sleep under my belt. Ryan got to sleep in today. What a poo-head. And I don't think he knows how to walk me to the door when he drops me off or wait for me to get inside my house before he drives off. Urgh. Most times I don't mind it. But when I'm falling asleep while standing up and I can't find the key my mom left out for ten minutes, I do kind of mind. I don't know. I'm a nerd.

Anyhoooo, I have to go start this paper now. I have uber journal entries to do as well. O.o;; I am so done with this shiznit.

2.5 days left. 2.5. 2.5. lakjfkjsldfkjheruladf'39'sdfjklsdf.

any ideas?


toki

:: 2006 30 May :: 1.00pm
:: Mood: Sick

Ahem.

Done with my english paper. Just revise it and bibliography. ::sigh of relief times ten infinity::

I can do this week, I think. Here's my schedule....just to keep me in line and thinking...

Tuesday: Chapter summaries [done], Blues presentation[done]

Wednesday: English paper [done.]

Thursday: Religion paper [85.6% done.]

Friday: English paper [done], 20 journal entries [0%done]

Tuesday: Religion Final

Thursday: Blues paper due [80% done]

I think I might have another english and a world forest paper somewhere in there somewhere. Oh well. I can do this. All of the big things are mostly done. Eh? ::nods:: I can do this.

Oh yeah...3 more [regular] school days! Three more times taking the metra by myself for three hours a day. ::sigh:: Then I'll start running and by the end of the summer, I'll be pretty.

Shit. Completly forgot about Columbia. Hm. I should really send my transcripts in. And get that letter. Eeeeeep. More stress. Oh well. I am a beast, no?

any ideas?


mudpiegrl

:: 2006 22 May :: 2.08am

im going to cathy's mum's funeral in five hours. i made her a book.
it made me cry. it always makes me cry when i come down to thinking about my friends. the good ones, anyway. because i realise how special they are. and how i would miss them if they were gone. and what i would have missed without them. and how i love them now and will always. thats why i dont make those things often. it's tough to put it just right. to capture precisely how i feel. but i can guarentee that if you're reading this, you deserve one.

2 smart personsmart people | any ideas?


mudpiegrl

:: 2006 18 May :: 10.33am


This person is basically my hero.Read more..

any ideas?


mudpiegrl

:: 2006 11 May :: 10.12am

"[T]he question actors most often get asked is how they can bear saying the same things over and over again night after night, but God knows the answer to that is, don't we all anyway; might as well get paid for it."
Elaine Dundy

"For an actress to be a success she must have the face of Venus, the brains of Minerva, the grace of Terpsichore, the memory of Macaulay, the figure of Juno, and the hide of a rhinoceros."
Ethel Barrymore quoted in George Jean Nathan's The Theatre in the fifties

any ideas?


mudpiegrl

:: 2006 10 May :: 9.18pm

Know what I love? Pressure. It’s awesome. Of course there’s the whole “do well in school” that everyone has. At least I’m in school, though, as opposed to some people. Then there’s the “you don’t do anything”. That’s fun, too, because when you’re never home, you’re clearly doing nothing. “You’re so messy. Why don’t you clean?” I’m sorry, am I impeding on your space? “When are you going to go running, Jorie?” Fuck you. I’m allowed to be a fat ass. After all, you are too. “You’re wearing that?” Yes, I am. I either don’t care or quite like it. Besides, I’m too fat for your fasionista attitude. “Hanging out with Q and Kristen are not going to help you get better.” Maybe not, but they’re my friends if it’s ok with you. “Don’t you have any friends at college?” No. I don’t like people at college. They have entirely different priorities, like being famous and experimenting with drugs and high school drama. “You’re not trying hard enough.” You’re right. I’m not. I’d love to spend all day doing artwork, but I have no means to experiment with the mediums I want. Nor do I have the time for it. “How are you going to pay for that?” With my money. From my job. That I actually have. “You’re never home.” Yea, I’m busy. “When are you going go-carting with us?” When I have a moment to be home/do homework/art/lose weight/clean my room and car. When I’m done with all that.
I love my family. They want me to be just like Tyler. They know damn well when he was eighteen he wasn’t doing shit. They don’t want me to be like him. They want me to be like twenty-five year old Tyler. Well, that’s nice and all, but I'm not Tyler. I'm Jorie. And I'm sorry that I'm not what you want. I'm not sorry I'm me for me. I'm sorry I'm not the perfect clone.

I'm sick of crying. I've cried nearly every hour of the day today. And I'm tired. I want to sleep.

any ideas?


toki

:: 2006 7 May :: 9.58am
:: Mood: Meh

Birthday
First birthday party since forever last night. It was fun. Everyone shows up two hours late...not so fun. But that's okay. Because I got a nice fatty dinner followed by nasty marshmallows.

And there were only a few awkward silences! Which is nice. Those are always quite horrid. I'm good at creating those.

It was awesome seeing people though. And I'm glad John was invited last minute. Definitly my favorite friend of Ryan's there. And Hul and Kyle showed up, which I didn't expect at all. Very cool.

Anyhoo, I got a free massage and money to get more cool shorts from old navy. :-) Awesome. Uber excited for both.

Birthday dinner with the 'rents tonight. Amanda just invited her scum of a boyfriend, which pisses me off. This is his first family dinner and it's my birthday. Meaning it's not gonna be my birthday. It's gonna be "so, Tony, tell us about yourself....." >.< Urgh.

Alas, we are going to Pappadeaux. Mmmmm...excited.

Shower time. Then estate sale. Then clean out garage. Wooo?

Bye fools. And thanks time ten infinity for attending my par-tay last night if you could. :-)

any ideas?


toki

:: 2006 3 May :: 11.12pm

Birthday in 2 days! Woooo!

Excited?!
Yessiiir. I like parties. Hate getting old. Uber excited to see peoples though. Woooo.

any ideas?


sweetyas

:: 2006 3 May :: 1.31am
:: Music: dance dance

So i dunno i havent written here in forever. u guys know i only write here when im either super excited or super not happy...depressed is not the right word cuz i dont know what depression is. Anyway...im just frustrated. im the type of person that when i go into a friendship or consider u a good friend (like best type deal) i tell u everything...im open like that. i dunno this week i just dont feel like my friends are like that adn it pisses me off...but i decided if someone doesnt feel comfortable telling me something then they dont have 2.

i mean its their choice. but w/e. im just havin a lot of trouble wit school and bein sick so everything is gettin to me...it wont be a big deal in like a week so whatever. i shoudl be writing a 1000 word ethics paper but honestly i dont care about st. aquanis!!! damn jesuits!! :) i was gonna somethin else but i forgot. OH...so i asked one of my friends to read my paper and edit it and she didnt. ive read atleast three of her papers...but w/e i wont do that for her anymore its not fair. she i dunno i understand where she comes from however im not a good writer not even close so

i hate people cuz i hate lettin them in...it always hurts cuz they will injury u at some point in time and its just sometimes not worth it. but i guess it makes u stronger and its nice to feel loved when u do! well. i really gotta write this paper.

:)

Yasamin

3 smart personsmart people | any ideas?


mudpiegrl

:: 2006 2 May :: 3.02pm

ugh. just like everyone else, am stressy. school ends next week and i have so much i should be doing rather than typing in here, but im not right now because i just got home from school and im tired. i have to finish my costume and get patrice's bday present before friday. i also want to go get new clothes but that wont happen until next paycheck. but also, we need to look for apts. patrices mummy is being nice and looking for us, so that's helpful. im going to ask brittany/yoshi/joey and q if they want to live with us because amanda decided not to and patrice is okie with it. that would make things cheaper, assuming they have jobs and could pay the rent.
in other news, i was called a neanderthal last night, see my xanga for more extensive info.
oh yea. i really want to lose some weight this summer. i really packed it on this winter.

2 smart personsmart people | any ideas?

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