toki
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2004 21 April :: 9.15pm
:: Mood: blah
Time goes so much faster when I'm not at crew.
I think I should be one of those monk pple who live alone in a hut in the middle of nowhere.
I'd have nothing to complain about, other then being bored. I won't be here and it could be like I'm just erased. Which I like.
Have you ever thought what things would be like if you were never here? I have, if I weren't here or if some of my friends. it's weird to think about.
I don't know, too much thinking, back to denial. Which is good, pretending things don't exist is good. Yep.
-patrice
1 smart person |
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toki
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2004 19 April :: 10.35pm
:: Mood: crushed
Today has just been one endless soap opera. I hate drama, I really do. I'm sorry, so incredibly sorry for anything. Don't think twice about it. I'll be okay. I've been through worse. Just right now, I can't take anymore.
I quit. Never have I meant this more. I just want to crawl up in a corner and die. Not die, just sleep for a long time. Until all this shit blows over.
I just don't want to care anymore. Caring only leads to getting hurt, which happens quite frequently in Patrice-land.
But tomorrow is a new day. Something good has to come of it. It has to. Things can't always get worse, right? They eventually have to improve...
Damn false optimism. Who am I kidding? It'll only get worse. I hate myself right now, I'm sorry.
So good night people, don't worry, I'm not insane. Just...a nutcase. So bye.
-Patrice
any ideas?
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toki
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2004 18 April :: 9.54pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Lotsa Songs
My foot hurts...
So, if you ever plan on walking in a swamp wear tennis shoes. Not sandals and not bare feet. And that's the end of that.
Ticks suck. The one thing I'm thankful that Iliinois doesn't have as much of that North Carolina is overpopulated with.
There's this tree in my backyard and it's so pretty. It has these white flowers all over it and the second you walk outside you smell it and I love it. I took pictures of and it and cut some off for my room.
You see, it only lasts for like 2 weeks out of the whole year. As soon as it gets warm outside, it blooms for about a week, then dies. And if in the time after it's warm, one day is cold, it freezes itself and dies. It doesn't start blooming until the next year. Which is sad. It better not get cold tonight.
Dudes, I really want to watch Beauty And The Beast.
I have to read gatsby...::sigh:: no more journaling. Good bye.
-patrice
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toki
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2004 18 April :: 7.41pm
Ticks In The Swamp
So Jill and I went on a field trip today. To the lake swamp area by my house, it was fun. We took pictures and such. Then we had to go see Spencer, who was parked in the worst place possible, so we couldn't just turn around...nooo...we had to walk right through the swamp to him. ::sigh:: Oh well.
Then I found a tick on my arm, but it wasn't deep in my skin yet, so it's all good. It was kinda gross when Jill's mom took it off and it danced and ::shudder:: Oh well. Lol.
So yeah, we washed off our feet and went in the hot tub. It felt nice.
And I just ate dinner and I'm now sitting here, realizing I smell of chlorine and swamp water. I should go shower and check my hair for more ticks. I hate ticks. But it feels like I'm back in good old north carolina. Wooo. So to my shower. Good bye.
-Patrice
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goose
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2004 18 April :: 1.39pm
i paid for my journal today! yay! you should all pay too yeah. its just $2.
1 smart person |
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toki
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2004 17 April :: 1.56pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Tiny Dancer
I'm glad yesterday is over. Today isn't amazing, but it's not yesterday and that makes me somewhat happy.
I got the pictures from turnabout developed. If your name is Jill, Jackie, Ashley, Corny, Hul, or Wender you can see them if you really honestly want to. Other then that....ewwww. I wore *pink*....::shudders:: Never again, no more pink.
So, wanna hear a funny story? My sister's a senior right? And she got asked to her junior prom and she was all "oh next year when I get asked again...." Blah blah...but no one has asked her yet. And she's probably not gonna get asked. Which makes me smile. I know it's mean, but it's the first guy-ask-girl dance that she won't be asked to and it's her senior prom. I feel kinda bad at the same time, because if it was my senior prom I'd be pissed, but I don't know. She had it coming. That's all I'll say.
I'm supposed to be leaving the house today. I'm looking forward to that. Unlike Jackie says, I need to be busy. Last weekend's laying on the couchness almost killed me. So I think I'm gonna go take a shower...I'm still finding woop chips in my hair.
Remind me to tell you about my dream if you care, it was nuts.
-Patrice
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toki
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2004 15 April :: 8.57pm
:: Mood: Ahhh
:: Music: Hanson-I Will Come To You
I don't want tomorrow to come. It's freggin friday, it's not supposed to be stressful. But I have two big tests that I am going to fail and the stupid light thing and that stupid contest, which I really just don't want to do. I don't mind band, it's right after school, but damn orchestra....damn damn damn damn damn! Ahhhh! I quit. yeah. I quit. I didn't want it anyways, you can have it.
They don't need me. No one needs me. I'm ok. Blaaaaah. ::screams::
It seems so earlier not being at crew. I kinda like being home. It felt good, even thought I got barely anything done. Oh well.
I have to go bull shit a half a page on the mood of the lighting in this stupid picture, then answer the history things, and then make a notecard, then chemistry, then shower, then die.
Then be up so I can be at school by 6:30, cuz of my damn sister. :-P Fun. Poo heads. I'm going now. No more disturbing you. Good bye.
-Patrice
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mudpiegrl
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2004 15 April :: 6.37pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: K9 Advantix!!!
so theres a k9 advantix commercial and its awesome...i love it it sooo adorable!!!
have fun!
Hello mother, hello father,
fleas, ticks, mosquitos really bother
thanks for the package,
thats why im writing
k9 advantix quickly stopped all the biting!
swimming, hiking, and tent-pitching
they're not biting!
im not itching!
cant wait to show you
all my new tricks!
thanks again for sending me k9 advantix!!!
1 smart person |
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toki
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2004 14 April :: 3.23pm
:: Mood: rejected
So usually my two horoscopes are so far from me and each other it's funny. But today it was weird. They're too much alike...it's hauntingly creepy.
Horoscope #1!
There are two distinct voices coming at you today. One is enticing you to dance -- and we are not talking ballroom dancing. We're talking the dance of relationships. This voice is encouraging you to move out beyond yourself and to have fun with someone else. Meanwhile, there's another voice telling you not to make any sudden moves and to stay within your own internal fantasy world where it is safe. Safe, yes -- but it is also lonely.
Horoscope #2!!
You're torn in two directions -- you want people to know who you are, but you also don't want to call too much attention to yourself. Are you a poet or a comedian? Only you can decide.
Well, Don't take them completly literally. I don't know, I see connections. Oh well, I'm one of those insane people who find meaning in anything super natural.
Blah blah blah. I quit, it's too hard.
-Patrice
any ideas?
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mudpiegrl
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2004 11 April :: 11.27pm
:: Mood: confused
this is weird...er....
battlestarre: neil.
battlestarre: how much do you miss stef.
battlestarre: ?
battlestarre: like is it only a friendy kinda miss...
battlestarre: or do you miss being so incredibly close to her
battlestarre: ?
HammeTrucci: actually, i dont really miss her that much
battlestarre: oh.
HammeTrucci: yeah, i miss my old group sometimes
battlestarre: but just a friendy kinda miss...thas different
HammeTrucci: but like, i have new friends now
battlestarre: yea.
HammeTrucci: yeah, i miss hangin out with them
HammeTrucci: not really the connection
battlestarre: oh. okay.
HammeTrucci: the only one i really miss is ben
HammeTrucci: he was my best friend
battlestarre: okie.
HammeTrucci: yeah, how come u asked?
battlestarre: um....cuz
HammeTrucci: ok, its all good if you're curious
battlestarre: not that
battlestarre: cuz...its kinda weird telling you, although i have no issue saying so other than your possibly jealous reaction
HammeTrucci: i think the best thing about our relationship is how we can talk about things
battlestarre: i totally dont wanna upset you
HammeTrucci: itskinda weird telling me what?
HammeTrucci: im kinda confused now
HammeTrucci: sorry
battlestarre: cuz.
battlestarre: okie ... well...the reason i asked is cuz ...
battlestarre: i miss hul....and its weird because its not the same kinda miss that i miss spencer, which is a friendy miss...
battlestarre: i miss him the same way, although not as much as i did you when i left.
battlestarre: and its more long term..
battlestarre: and i dont wanna tell you cuz hes your friend and its weird
HammeTrucci: that's understandable
HammeTrucci: its ok babe
HammeTrucci: he was your first real boyfriend right?
battlestarre: yea i guess.
battlestarre: but i was his too....well girlfriend...
HammeTrucci: yeah
battlestarre: and he doesnt really get it.
HammeTrucci: so there is always gonna be a connection between you twwo
battlestarre: but it makes me nervous.
battlestarre: cuz hes your friend
battlestarre: doesnt that bother you at all.
battlestarre: ????/
HammeTrucci: its kinda weird but it bothers me less because ive known him for a long time
battlestarre: that would make it weirder for me
battlestarre: i think id rather not know stef if you did have a slight attraction to her than know her...
4 smart personsmart people |
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mudpiegrl
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2004 11 April :: 11.05pm
im sorry if you havent had a bf...maybe youll still know what im talking about...
i miss hul so much...and its not the same kinda miss as a friend...cuz i miss spencer in a friendy kind of way...its the same kinda miss i missed neil with when i was gone, only not so powerful...
and he knows what i mean...only i dont know if he really does......erm......
battlestarre: hul i have a personal question for you
personofthasun00: ooo fun
battlestarre: you dont have to answer, obviously
battlestarre: lol
personofthasun00: obviously
battlestarre: once youve broken up wtih a girl, do you miss them?
personofthasun00: in certain ways
personofthasun00: but i think you meant to ask that to wender
battlestarre: no, i totally meant it to you
personofthasun00: oh
personofthasun00: okay
battlestarre: do you look at them and go...man i remember why i liked her so much...
battlestarre: and almost start liking them again?>
personofthasun00: kinda not really
battlestarre: ::sigh::
battlestarre: im hopeless
personofthasun00: you're hopeless?
battlestarre: yes.
battlestarre: do you want to know why?
personofthasun00: i suppose your going to tell me
battlestarre: only if you want to know...if you have no intrest, ill make neil listen...lol im kidding
personofthasun00: tell me
battlestarre: okie
battlestarre: because when i hang out with you...i am like wow...he's such a sweetheart...and like i almost wish that it had gone longer, just because i would like to see what it would turn out to be like...and like i love neil and all...dont get me wrong, im not about to break up with him because old feelings come back, but its just confusing and i was sort of wondering if youve had the same about stacey or me
battlestarre: cuz i guess i was wondering if its normal
battlestarre: its hard to talk to neil about it; he can only bring up stef and it makes me jealous
personofthasun00: yeah ive had thoughts like that
personofthasun00: stef?
personofthasun00: thats weird
personofthasun00: but yeah its normal
battlestarre: ::sigh::
personofthasun00: sigh indeed
personofthasun00: its just cause we dont hang out anymore
battlestarre: i feel kinda um....not loyal...i cant remember the word
personofthasun00: well as much as we used to anyways
battlestarre: no...its not..its every time i see you
battlestarre: so youre saying its just cuz i miss hanging out with you?
battlestarre: then how come i dont miss spencer? i used to hang out with him lots too
battlestarre: like i do, but not the same way
personofthasun00: u did?
battlestarre: yea.
battlestarre: i always used to talk to him online and stuff too...
personofthasun00: i dunno
battlestarre: its just weird...oh well...i wont bother you with it anymore...probably's kinda uncomfortable
personofthasun00: well everyone kinda seems to be goin their own ways
battlestarre: yea, of course...thats the way it always goes...specially since you guys'll all be shipping off soon...::sigh::
personofthasun00: its not that uncomfortable cuz your cool bout it
battlestarre: i wanna hang out with you all so bad but if i do i dont wanna miss you more than i already will
personofthasun00: weird
battlestarre: that uncomfortable...lol
personofthasun00: whatever
personofthasun00: i find its best to bottle emotions up inside
personofthasun00: and let them all out when you are forty
personofthasun00: serenity now
personofthasun00: haha
personofthasun00: i know ill just start being a jackass
personofthasun00: i just cant help being so hot
personofthasun00: haha jk
1 smart person |
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mudpiegrl
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2004 11 April :: 4.28pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: disney
its weird...my toenail is bruised....like purple...but it doesnt hurt.....
oh well...
~The only way to get what you want is to become a human yourself...
*can you do that?
~my dear, sweet child...thats what i do...its what i live for...to help unfortunate merfolk, like yourself...poor souls with no one else to turn to...
I admit that in the past ive been a nasty
they werent kidding when they called me well, a witch
but youll find that nowadays, ive mended all my ways
repented, seen the light and made the switch,
true? yes.
and i fortunatly know a little magic,
its a talent that i always have possessed,
and dear lady, please dont laugh,
i use it on behalf of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed
pathetic...
Poor unfortunate souls, in pain, in need
this one longing to be thin and that one wants to get the girl and do i help them?
yes indeed.
Those poor unfortunate souls, so sad, so true
they come flocking to my cauldron,
crying spells that they need,
and i help them, yes i do.
Now its happened once or twice,
someone couldnt pay the price...
and im afraid i had to rake 'em 'cross the coals,
yes, ive had the odd complaint,
but on the whole ive been a saint
to those poor unfortunate souls!!
~now have we got a deal
*if i become human, ill never be with my father or sisters again...
~but...youll have your man...life's full of tough choices, i'nt it?
Oh! and there is one last thing...we havent discussed the subject of paym-
*but i dont have any-
~im not asking much, just a token, merely trifle...what i want from you is...your voice...
*but without my voice, how can i-?
~you'll have your looks, your pretty face...and dont under estimate the importance of....body language...ha!
the men up there dont like a lot of blabber...
they think a girl who gossips is a bore
yes, on land its much preferred
for ladies not to say a word
after all, what is idle prattle for?
com'on they're not all that impressed with conversation,
true gentlemen avoid when they can
but they dote and swoon and fawn
on a lady who's withdrawn
its's she who holds her tongue who gets her man
com'on you poor unfortunate soul
go ahead, make your choice,
im a very busy woman and i havent got all day
it wont cost much, just your voice
ya poor unfortunate soul
its sad but true:
if you want to cross a bridge my sweet
you've got to pay the toll
take a gulp and take a breath
go ahead and sign the scroll
flotsam, jetsom, now i got her boys
the boss is on a roll!
these poor unfortunate souls!!!!!!!
(crazy spell here...)
...the winds of the caspian sea!!
la voche to me!
~now sing!
*(sings)
~keep singing
*(sings more)
::pretty music::
2 smart personsmart people |
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toki
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2004 11 April :: 10.15pm
:: Mood: lonely
Yeah, I'm all alone. It's not a bad thing entirely. It's good to be alone sometimes. you think about things, you know?
I just haven't talked to anyone other then Jackie all day, which isn't bad either, because yeah, I never get phone calls and that was exciting.
I just wanted to go online and see if pple were online to talk to, but my computers screwed up, my dad's blocks every pop up, so I can't do aim express so I'm mad. Grrr. That's me mad.
I figure that no one would be online if I went on anyways. And because I'm not there, people will be there to talk to. It's just the way it is. Lol.
I should just sleep. I didn't eat sugar before bed. My mom's gonna have my liver. Okay, to the sugarific food then to the sleepage. Night.
any ideas?
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toki
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2004 10 April :: 6.15pm
:: Mood: Sick....again
:: Music: Beatles
Blah
So if I ever tell you I'm too sick to eat, make me eat something, ok? I guess a mix of being sick with a cold and a stomach thing then not eating any meals for 3 days caught up with me. Yeah, this morning (well, 1 pm) was bad. I'm kinda happy though, cuz I just might be able to get out of church. I know, twisted logic but it works. Hehe.
My sister's funny. She makes me laugh. She was telling me how her friends go up to her and say "Your oldest sister is so hot, but your other sister, she's kinda mean. I don't get it." I don't know, I think its funny cuz I've never really talked to any of her friends before. And the people her age who I have tell me I'm alot nicer then her, so it makes me laugh. So according to the stereotypical 8th grader who only looks at appearances, ugly means evil. Hence, I am oh so mean. :-) And "hot" means they're nice. I'm not saying pretty people aren't nice, but stereotypes like that just amke me laugh.
Hmm...I'm bored. I watched White Oleander again today. I really like that movie.
last night we saw the prince and me. It wasn't a bad movie, just very...sameish..as all the other movies like it. Ah well, it was fun.
Yeah food. I need to eat. I really do and I have to force myself to eat with the family tonight. It's gonna suck. :-\ my dad's already flipping out and telling my mom to take me to the hospital. He's an idiot. Oh well.
Ok then. To the..ummm...not doing anythingness.
:-( bye..
-Patrice
1 smart person |
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