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This is a story of a charmed life.

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swimfan14

:: 2006 15 February :: 9.36pm

Aww tonight was fun *smiles*.



lie awake


holiday

:: 2006 15 February :: 10.06pm

I don't know where to begin.
It's just sad.
People get replaced so fast.
A vendor my dad worked with, a really nice guy, was trying to plan a meeting for them to work out some stuff.
Thursday my dad calls saying he's kind of busy and if they can reschedule it for Friday.
Friday the guy calls saying he's not feeling too good maybe Monday.

Then he dies.

They buried him today.
My dad really didn't want to have to call the company, but they said they'd get someone to fix things.
Someone called 20 minutes later to take the other's place.
My dad felt really weird about deleting the guy's number out of his phone.

I would feel weird, too.
Everyone just gets replaced so fast.

I haven't felt very well today.

lie awake


anachronism

:: 2006 15 February :: 8.08pm

(I miss you all ready)
I am so happy. I can't get the smile off of my face ever since last night.

This is just what I needed.


brokenmentality

:: 2006 15 February :: 8.56am

Swirl was wonderful.... except for the whole music part. pshh.. who needs music right? I'm sorry, but if you go to a dance, expect to hear hip hop music, because you really cant dance to much else. a few here in there is fine... but when the majority of the dance is comprised of rock songs, it kind of ruins it. we were really dissapointed when we left. the decorating was sensational though. it was absolutely gorgeous!

before swirl i suprised keegan... finally i SUPRISED the man. (man... hmmm sounds so.. weird...) i told him we were going out for dinner, but i actually had my room all set up with candles and roses and chocolate covered strawberries. i set up a table in the middle of my room with a red table cloth and confetti and "sparkling grapejuice" and wine glasses (because we're cute and LEGAL like that) and i had the note book playing with no sound on my computer just for an added affect. it turned out wonderful. it was the best dinner we've ever had together as far as "romantic" goes. after the dance we came back to my house and fell asleep.... we had to get up early for the rampage game.

then on sunday keegan brought me to bobbys around like 10 (he had to be to the arena WAY early) where i went back to sleep (what a gentleman.... sleeping on the floor so i could have the bed) BUT i couldnt fall asleep because i was to "awake" by that point.. but bobby wouldnt wake up.. so i had a lot of down time. which was nice.

the game was awesome. we had really good seats (free seats i might add) the routine was even BETTER this week. and once again... i have the coolest boyfriend in the entire world. not to mention like a zillion other adjectives that would HARDLY even do him justice.





now... Valentines Day.

first of all, Stacy.... I could just DIE im so happy right now. I just want to squeeze you and hug you and be all giddy and jump up and down and rent laguna. but i'll refrain.


last night was so wonderful. i went home and took a shower, then keegan came over and whisked me away. (giggles... OH and while i was at school i walked into my senate office second hour and there was a flower arrangement with tulips and roses... my favorites.... from the flower pace and chocolates... i was so suprised. i didnt think we were getting eachother anything for valentines day.. then he goes and does that. how sweeet. i was shocked when i walked in there.. it took me a minute for it to click that he had brought me flowers.) we went to this restaurant in Grandville called Kobe, its an Ichibon restaurant where they cook your food right at your table.

when we got there we had to wait like 20 minutes so we ordered sushi.. and OMG it was the best sushi i've ever had. we've had the same kind (philadelphia roll... which has samon, avacodo, creme cheese.. and then of course in a hand roll, rolled in rice... for all you "eewww raw fish" people out there) at terriyaki and sushi.. and this stuff just blew it away! so then we get seated, and you sit around a grill with nine people and he comes out and cooks all your meals RIGHT there. its so cool. he lit the grill on fire to make it hot and it just exploded up into the air.. he cracked the eggs in the coolest way (which sounds nerdy.. but for real), he made a volcano with a pile of onions.. it was just incredible. and holllly cow i've never had food that tasted better in my LIFE. i like fried rice more than white rice.. the guy takes white rice and makes it INTO fried rice right in front of you. it was awesome. you REALLY have to go there and see for yourself. i warn you however, its really expensive... but WELL worth it.

so that was our valentines day.. we were gonna go to Cold Stone.. but they had already closed. nothing big, nothing spectacular.. just us being us.

*smiles... i am by far the luckiest girl in the world. i have keegan.... and nobody else can say that except for me. sure we argue and sure there are times we drive eachother crazy.. but there has NEVER been a time that we even considered breaking up. we're stronger than that. we bring out the absolute best in eachother.

:) you're the greatest.

1 shooting star | lie awake


swimfan14

:: 2006 14 February :: 11.30pm

I can't sleep.
I don't even know what to say. I really think you lied to me. It doesn't even make a difference though. You'll get what you wanted. I wont. End of story.

Well I've heard it all before and i'm tired of all the lies.


You definitely dissapoint me. So much.

I guess now I know how you feel.

Sorry.

4 shooting stars | lie awake


holiday

:: 2006 14 February :: 8.46pm

Turn out the lights. My life, on standby. :-(

This weekend was different. Saturday Charlie and I drove all the way up to Gaylord to go to this restaurant called Legends on the Hill. It's at Treetops resort. Three hours away. It's where I wanted to go for New Years but we couldn't. He said he never forgot. And that felt really nice. When we got there it was totally different than we expected. Freezer paper tablecloths, the works. I just laughed. I don't think we needed a bigger sign that said "We're not from around here". But I laughed. The ride was nice. The talking. The silence. The laughing. Everything. All the gas stations we had to stop at so I could pee. Haha. It's a beautiful relaxing town that looks like Switzerland. I asked him to pull over on the way back so I could give him a ring that I'd gotten him.

Monday I spent the night there and waited up for him to get home from work. I stopped The Big Lebowski and jumped out of bed to greet him at the door with a hug. But he was upset and held on tight.

His mom has cancer.

But I have this feeling and I can't explain it. I've been praying so much for her to get better. I just have this feeling like it's not her time yet. How could I know such a thing? When I told him "It's going to be okay." He asked "How do you know?" And I had no idea. I just feel like how could God take such a wonderful person away like that. Maybe it just doesn't feel real. She has so many people who love her. And a new grand-daughter. She feels that our lives are pre-destined so she doesn't want to get treatment. I don't know. But I feel like she's going to be okay. I hope so. :-(

5 shooting stars | lie awake


holiday

:: 2006 14 February :: 8.20pm
:: Music: HH- Life On Standby

I need you now, more like yesterday, the last day I could see you smile.
It's felt more real than ever before.
Waiting. Waiting.
Till I could hold you.
I'm sorry. I wish I could take it all away.
I just know
It's going to be okay.
There's too much sadness.
It's going to be okay.

lie awake


swimfan14

:: 2006 14 February :: 4.44pm

The things I thought you'd never know about me were the things I guess you always understood.

lie awake


jennapie

:: 2006 14 February :: 10.35am

Is it really totally pathetic if I am completely unmotivated, and can't seem to force myself to do anything that I should do? and yet, I'm totally willing to do everthing that I shouldn't? I think it's pathetic, and I'm sick of it. And yet, for the life of me, I can't make myself change it! So I guess I'm just going to have to continue being a bum and not get anything accomplished that I should, and continue not caring. It's so easy.


Happy Valentines Day Everyone! I'm having a really really good day!!! even though I have over two hours till my next class........grrrr!! after spring break this will be better! I have to go to Meijer's today. I've been saying that for a week now, and I still haven't gone. SEE!! totally unmotivated!!! I don't know what's wrong with me!!! I just don't care! Maybe I'm finally sick of spending money, but that's doubtful, I think I am just sick of going to school. It gets in my way of doing stuff that I wanna do. Oh, and I'm sick of being told what to do. I wish so bad that I was more independent. Seriously, it's completely unfair the things that I still have to do. Maybe I just think so because I'm the one who has to do them, but it seems to me that once everyone on this planet is in college, and have a job, and pay for their own stuff, have a little bit more freedom than I have. I don't know, maybe it's just me.

But anyways, I got the best Valentines Day present this morning when Jake picked me up. It was the most thoughful present I have ever gotten. It means more when it's completely done to make you happy, and you know that every piece of it is honest and true. Ahhh, I am the luckiest person on this planet. I know that's what everyone says when they find someone to love, but honest to God, I am, we are the most perfect couple I have ever seen. I don't know, I can't stress enough how much he means to me, we've tried so hard to find the words that make what we feel for each other seem enough, but the words don't exist. We feel and mean more to each other that no words would ever be big enough, or have enough meaning to make it seem as big and important as it is. I LOVE JAKE MELLEMA, and that doesn't do it any justice.

3 shooting stars | lie awake


lynds4090

:: 2006 13 February :: 6.10pm

oh man... i'm so tired and burned out but yet i still keep going.

so tomorrow is v-day.. what a great day.... hmmm...

2 shooting stars | lie awake


fallenfaces

:: 2006 13 February :: 2.06pm

You're my distraction.


holiday

:: 2006 13 February :: 1.13pm

I'm giddy like I used to be. I think that's a good sign. I haven't been giddy in a while. I feel a lot of love.
Today we went to the Amway. It was pretty cool getting to see what goes on behind the scenes. I almost forgot about the tour today. Then I took a test. I think I did pretty well.
~~~
Quit coming up with excuses you're going to blow us all off anyway. You already have.

lie awake


eddy

:: 2006 12 February :: 5.58pm
:: Music: John Mayer

Snowcoming!
Woo. Snowcoming was so much fun! XD (TC's equivalent to Swirl) I got a little bummed at then end, as Jessica and Mindy know why, I won't say anymore. But I still had tons of fun =D and now for some pictures!! Yay!! I know, I still have to post some from Spring Hill. Ugh. I'm so lazy T_T

Everyone at Katie's house beforehand

We all went to Chinese to eat before the dance

Chelsea and Alex
Jessica looking confused
Alex choking on his food
Chelsea...being Chelsea
John enjoying his ice cream
Mindy doing the same
Ashley!
Me, you can see John in the rearview mirror, lol
Lauren! With Katie in the background enjoying her ice cream

I seem to have a lot of pictures of people enjoying their ice creams. (yes, ice creams) What does this mean I wonder?

Quote of the evening:
John: "Hey Alex, guess who I saw today?"
Alex: "Ummm (someone's name, don't remember)"
John: "No, you don't know him"

4 shooting stars | lie awake


fallenfaces

:: 2006 12 February :: 4.40pm
:: Music: Bob Dylan

Today was such a weird/emotional day.

First, I went to church. I try to avoid it as much as possible. Not because I am Agnostic, but because it brings back bad memories. I stand there knowing that the person who used to stand next to me will never stand next to me there again. Or anywhere for that matter. The person I loved is gone and we'll never step into that place together like we used to. Growing and learning as one. Then I looked at my brother's wife, singing in the choir and my brother facing her singing in the crowd. They are such an amazing couple. They are so incredibly strong and in love. And they'll never divorce, cheat, or lie. They truly don't care about negative things or make them a part of their life. Yeah, they do bother me with their God stuff sometimes, but at least it works for them. At least they're happy. At least they are in love, and neither of them ever have to worry about lying between them. They are so strong, it's insane really.

I am happy for them, they're going to live a life I wish I could have.
Maybe I will some day.

Then we went to their apartment and my mom started talking about my dad and how he had some sort of attack the other day. He's dying and she said she's actually going to miss him. For so long she wanted him to die and now that he is, she wants him to live. She started crying and it made me feel horrible. After all the things he's done to her, us, and the entire family she still loves him and doesn't want to live without him. She loves that man so much and I have no idea why. Actually, I do...because once you love someone you can't stop. It doesn't matter what they've done or who they have become. You just love them. Just because.

I know, because I am there now.

The church service today was sad enough as it was. It was all about how to be good to your partner and how to get back to love if you're not in it now. Everything really hurt to hear, because I know our relationship could have lasted if only we did those things. If only I tried harder and he didn't do the shit he did. If only he wasn't who he truly is.

That's the only thing keeping me strong to not ever be with him again (not that I have a choice. He decided that for me a while ago). He cheated on me, he lied to me, and hurt me all of the time. And that's just who is he. He loves things too much that I can so easily live without. And that's where we differ. That's where I finally see that we would never make it. We're too different to ever exist as us.

That makes me want to cry.
But, at least I know now there has to be someone else. I can't stay stuck on someone like that. I will for a while, but my mind is too strong to go back to it.

If I knew he would never lie or cheat on me again I'd go back to him. I'd move to wherever the hell he ever ends up. But, I don't know and I'll never know anything. So, it's over and that's sad.

But, that's just me; sad.


holiday

:: 2006 12 February :: 3.51pm

Yesterday was a lot of fun. The ride was long but it was nice. :-)
He never forgot. It felt good.
He means more to me than he will ever know.
It was a good day.

lie awake

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