This is getting fucking ridiculous. Would you all like it if we tiptoed around our fucking house while wearing headphones with 50 foot cords on them?! I've been living with strangers right next to me for three and a half years, and I've never had this many problems with them... COMBINED! It's gotten to the point where I'm afraid of throwing a birthday party here.

::pouts::

I turned the Bass Boost off on the main stereo... just realized that might be part of the problem.

Fuckin' dolts.

--conversation w/ Meru--
TaoMan1121 (11:42:16 PM): speaking of names, joe wants to know if your's has any meaning or significance
elentari malore (11:42:43 PM): hungover girl who eats all the bread
elentari malore (11:43:02 PM): at least that's what my history of theatre classmates have dubbed it

Still got a couple months left to knock a few of these out, but this is how things are shaping up:

Top 10 Movies of 2004
10. Fahrenheit 9/11
9. Shrek 2
8. Super-Size Me
7. 50 First Dates
6. Passion of the Christ
5. Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban
4. Napeleon Dynamite
3. Spiderman 2
2. Kill Bill, vol. 2
1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Not a horrible year for movies, if I may say so. Not a ton of high-quality flicks yet, but quite a bit of entertaining ones. I've only been to the theater 20 or so times this year...

Somewhere along the line, I developed a modicum of morals, values, self-control, and objectivity. Damn, and it was so much more fun going through life being a greedy little child. Nah, not really. I guess that’s growing up though.

Now if my earlier pictures weren’t enough “jizzable” for you, check this one out of Dana and Fox displaying my newest purchase.

I decided to update just now because I like being on top. ;-)

(edit 9:18pm) New layout. All Millennium, all the time. Best I've done in quite some time. ::toots own horn:: Rocky's gone... for now.

where i'm bound, i can't tell...
All those kind words (deserved or not), all those sweet sentiments, I have trouble grasping them from her. If I heard similiar suggestions from others, I might nod my head and quip, "Well, it's about time you came to your senses!" but from her, it's different. It's more of a Travis Bickle phenomeon (::looks around:: "Are you talking to me?! I don't see anyone else, you must be talking to me?!") (Was a bit forced? I suppose it was.)

Maybe it's the distance, maybe it's the intermittent reinforcement, maybe it's the still-wounded soul, maybe it's all of it, but I do realize one thing about it; it's another characteristic that sets her apart.





I really need to figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. I've got some big decisions ahead of me. I'm scared, to be sure, but I kind of like being the first to make it to this point; I feel like a pioneer.

cause all thats been left for me/is to fight to fill these empty spaces now...
I hate people who become what they hated before and said they were never going to become.

I think too often I confuse fatigue and boredom with depression and emptiness.

Yesterday sucked. My computer went haywire, and I ended up having to reinstall Windows. Actually, this weekend sucked immensely, with the exception of my Saturday evening w/ Ricci. Even then I was feeling rather ass-ish.

Time to get back on the wagon.

I bought "1984" and "GRE for Dummies" today. I like buying books; it makes me feel smart. :-P

Today has been a good day. Had my first mtg. for my other research opportunity. Should be a pretty interesting, valuable, and straightforward study. And I'll end up with another letter of recommendation out of the deal.

So in between periods of listening to my professors and participating in class today, I made another list, this one I got the item from Fras. Turns out I have a DVD/VHS to satisfy every letter of the alphabet, with the exception of Q. Consulting my list, I have an option (in order to complete my quest) of purchasing either Quest for Fire, Quick Change, or Quiz Show (none of which I want, mind you). So, anybody know of any good "Q" movies that I might like?

I'm feeling like a Monaco Breeze... it is College Night.

(edit 6:13pm... Christ, how is it 6 o'clock already?!) After all that spectulation about the Valley 3 cafeteria, I just found out from reading my Honors Connection that the Eldridge/Fox complex is actually closed for renovation. The interim Honors dorm is now Ackley/Shilling. Just thought I'd mentioned it in case you hadn't already heard.

My social anxiety frustrates me to no extent sometimes. You think after all I've been through, all of the opportunities to extend my abilitity to function in situations where I might feel uncomfortable or off-guard, I'd be more adept at it. Hell, even my undergrad work here at Western, specifically CfA, has prepared me for meeting new people on a regular basis. But for me, when there's a structure, a build-up, or a power hierarchy attached to the situation, I have a strong tendency to clam up. I always go through with the situation (i.e. I see my responsibilities through), but I don't always accomplish it effectively. Yet, I'm sure this is me being too hard on myself... but the instant I hear that quiver in my voice, it makes me second guess the next statement I'm going to make, and it all windfalls from there. That sticky feeling sticks with me for a while, and it contaminates everything I think about or attempt to do for a short period of time.

It just goes to show you, if you think about something too long, and you are going to fuck yourself with it.

Eh, I'm already feeling better and I'll be fine on Friday. I can take some solace in the fact that I've learned to, at the very least, get over it quickly. There's no time to dwell, anyway, I've got a lot to get done.

A couple news items on IMDB that struck my fancy today:

“Netflix And TiVo in Partnership

Subscribers to the Netflix DVD rental service will soon be able to download movies onto TiVo personal digital recorders instead of receiving them by mail, Newsweek reports in its current issue. Details of how the service will function were sketchy. Newsweek suggested that it will likely employ software developed by a recently acquired company, Strangeberry, that allows a DSL or cable modem to be plugged into a TiVo recorder to receive content from the Internet. Reporting on the development, Newsweek commented that it "could shake up the media world." Both Netflix and TiVo declined to comment on the report.”

Now this is the rental development that I’ve been waiting for. It molds the strengths of pay-per-view with the strengths that Netflix has going for it. And number two:

“Cruise Could Make $360 Million from 'War of the Worlds'

Movie superstar Tom Cruise has become the highest earning actor in Hollywood history after signing a deal that could earn him a staggering $360 million for his role in War Of The Worlds. Rather than agree a set fee for his part in the Steven Spielberg-directed epic, Cruise will earn 10 per cent of the film's box office takings plus a share of profits from DVDs, video games and toys. Experts predict the film - based on HG Wells' classic novel about a Martian attack - could make $1.8 billion at the cinema alone, of which Cruise's share would be an incredible $180 million. And, if he stars in the two planned sequels, Cruise's earnings will double at least. A Hollywood source says, "No expense will be spared. Spielberg wants to make it the film of the decade - the one that everyone talks about and rushes to see."

Wow. Enough said.

Shifting gears, I was looking through my schedule today, factoring in my two research opportunities, my three classes, and my part-time job that has been giving me near full-time hours as of late, and it occurred to me that I’m not going to have a life this semester. On the upside, I’m optimistic that this semester will finally teach me to hunker down and get the work done as it’s assigned, instead of just bullshitting my way (albeit quite effectively) through it all. I’m actually attempting to read all the selections for my Brit Lit class; hell, I’ve ever reread a couple so far. If I don’t take this opportunity to expand my study repertoire, I’m going to be absolutely fucked when grad school rolls around.

Evidently, Lynda and Ross recently had a discussion at work, and they have deemed me “most dateable” of my department. They cooked up such adjectives as “smart,” “reliable,” and “predictable” to describe me. Evidently, these are necessary qualities for a guy that they might hook their family members with (when Lynda me that Ross said he was the type of guy that he'd want his daughter to date, I replied, "Yeah, but isn't she like 6?!" I was partially amused and partially befuddled when Lynda informed me of all this, but either way I felt very humbled, as, at this point in my life, those are entirely appropriate and kind adjectives to describe me. So for that, I thank them for their recognition. It got me thinking though, after the conversation, are said adjectives mutually exclusive from ones such as “alluring,” “exciting,” and “charming”? The one set certainly doesn’t imply the other, but I guess I’ve always been one for defying categorization.

Another issue I've been pondering: I stated recently that lately I’ve been keeping the larger picture in focus. True, I had done this more in comparison to earlier this year, when my primary objective was attempting to merely survive from day-to-day, but I don’t think I’ve given myself enough credit for prior to that. I’ve always looked at my life in a long-term sense in addition to my day-to-day concerns, which is saying a lot for a person who doesn’t have a strong intrinsic reasoning for looking at the big picture (i.e. I’m not religious, I don’t believe in a larger plan). My main value to keep me going is my notion of love, a value which incidentally, though thoroughly tested and maintained, has nonetheless lessened its impact and become simply another goal or objective in my life, notwithstanding a very reinforcing and important one. But I am sure that’ll change once someone new comes along; the fact that, in some senses (though not many), I’m not waiting for that next endeavor to come around, speaks to how weird, or at least how fresh, these new set of values are. Forgive me though, I’m getting off-track from the thrust of my entry, which climaxes with the question of, “Has all this planning and concern for my future in any way affected my ability to enjoy the present?” I think in some senses it has, for example, in causing too much anxiety over the years. But in the most important implications, such as “Have I really lived my life to the fullest up to this point?” I think I’m safe.

So, that went WAY longer than I had planned it, and I apologize for loquacious writing style this evening, but hey, I’m a brainy mood, and there’s no sense in letting these talents go to waste.

For the first time... well, this year, I find myself looking at the larger picture of my life. Instead of just living day to day, riding a rollercoaster than fluctuates and brings my mood with it, I realize that not everything has to be, or will be, accomplished today. I'm playing a larger game, working for a larger goal, and best of all, I'm not lying to myself about anything.... or to anyone else. The words are coming easier, and I'll tell you the motivations behind my actions.

I'm sorry that things didn't work out how I thought they would tonight, but I don't think it would have changed much had they did. All I'm trying to do is starve myself off, try and hold myself off for a little while longer. What I want or need, I'm not sure, it's a long ways away, and until then I'm going to have to satisfy (or fool) myself through other means.

After hours of painstaking and useless tweaking w/ the MM layout, I abandoned and went a different route. I love the picture, and I think I like the layout as well. Please offer any suggestions to make it better. I want to find on I'm really satisfied with and leave it alone for a bit.

Work was good, then bad, then weird, then surreal, then confusing, then bad again, then it leveled off, then it just got exhausting, and then I raced Joe back home. If only it would just decide once and for all if it was going to consistently suck or consistently do the opposite, at least I would know what to expect.

I live off morsels now. A little nibble here and a bit there, just enough to keep going. I wouldn't know what to do if someone sat a meal in front of me. Probably gorge. I'm really frickin' hungry.

I like living with myself. I keep things interesting.

Joe: "They're squeezable, just like Charmin!"
The great thing about being single and hanging out with other people that are single is that you get to knock on other people's relationships. Seriously though, I look around and am hard-pressed to cite a relationship that I'm impressed with. More so, one that I don't think is dsyfunctional or damaging or just plain wrong. The ones that I do respect are the ones that have been together for such a long time that I think to myself, "Damn, if they've been together for that long, something must be working."

I'm going to try and get some pictures online here pretty soon. Y'all should see my "Wall of Media." It will blow your mind.

I have Andy's girlfriend's boobs as my desktop right now. Thanks Alicia.

This is one example of why I'm not rushing into another relationship (of course, those growths on my shoulder aren't helping either)...

I'm warning you right now, this is disturbing and sick (as well as hilarous). Those with a low tolerance for sap should turn away right now.

My, how we change in a few scant months...

As much as I've accomplished in the last couple weeks of summer, I still feel there's so much left to do. Two steps forward, one step back. Time has become perhaps the most precious commodity in my life right now, and though I know I'm not squandering hardly any of it, I think that's part of the problem. Life is fine, but save from a party or a trip home here and there, I'm not having enough fun. I'm so goal-orientated, and it always seems as though I'm the one who has to make the calls and orchestrate the plans.

Still, I figure if I keep chipping away at it, eventually I can get the responsibilities down to a reasonable amount and enjoy the rest of my time.

(edit 12:15pm) - By the way, I've got a pretty new layout in the vein of Modest Mouse, so check that out. I slaved over it a bit too long last night, tinkering to make everything symmetrical. I'm having a problem though... for some reason, the width on my friends page is all out of wack while it's where I want it to be on my journal page. Anybody have any ideas? ::winks at Rachel::

Lost The Plot
I hate when I try to find a wallpaper online and can't get what I'm looking for. I would have thought that by this point, they would have created a wallpaper for just about everything.

I started class today. I don't usually like the little blurbs about individual classes (who really cares if your teacher is cute, annoying, etc.), but since I only have three real classes, I figure I won't waste much of your time:

Organizational Psychology - This looks like this'll be my most interesting class of the semester. I like the professor a lot; he's actually good friends/graduated with the professor who is on my Honors committee and I worked with through CfA. Intrinsic interest in the subject helps.

Spanish 101 - I'm sorry, I understand many people learn at different rates, and few brushed up on their Spanish this summer (except for me of course, let's hear it for Immersion Learning!), but I swear to god, if you are in a second year Spanish class, youi should know how to say your name in Spanish in a full sentence without missing a beat. I was also disappointed that the majority of my class is all guys. That rarely ever happens, and with Spanish being a pretty social class, it's especially disappointing. The instructor is one of the least-threatening people I've encountered in recent memory, but she seems like she'll put on a decent class. She's from Colombia and has a pretty thick accent, so it's quite a departure from the twenty-something Kalamazoo native hottie we had last year, but I digress.

Brit Lit II - Looks as though I'll have another subpar professor this semester for part deux of this class. It's too bad, because it demonstrates how much the teacher can affect your interest in the subject. ::glares at Meru:: He seems like a nice enough guy, just doesn't leave much of an impression (maybe it's 'cause he's short), and he covers some stuff that should be completely obvious by now (like study habits), but maybe that's just me.

Overall, it's looks like it'll be a satisfactory semester. I expect to keep on top of things quite well this semester and finish up my undergrad with a flourish.

Total amount for books this semester = $104.82. Nice.

Why do I have an almost automatic response to start off every journal entry with "so"?

I am so done with carrying shit up the stairs and into my apartment. If I did the amount of heavy lifting every day that I've done this past weekend, I'd have a nice set of guns in no time. The apartment looks really good, the biggest hole right now is a coach/futon. I'm all ears if anybody has any good leads, otherwise Joe and I are taking a trip to Art Van.

I was playing around trying to print some of my trip pictures and I figured on a whim, I'd scan for available networks, see if any of my neighbors didn't secure theirs, and sure enough, that's how we got here. (Sorry for that insanely long run-on sentence). We are getting internet hooked up tomorrow morning. And then I have class at 9:30. Then work tomorrow evening.

It amazes me what my roommate can fall asleep to. Open invite to everybody: come on over. Sooner rather than later. We are itching to show this place off.

So, the move went extremely smooth. Couldn't have done it without my the help of my (biological) parents. I love the new apartment, things are coming together quickly, and I've got an insanely comfortable recliner from my mom to sweeten the deal.

Things I don't miss about the old place:
1) The nasty ass carpet, with it's puke and "period" stains.
2) The little annoying black children (that's not being racist, I saw maybe 3 white kids the entire year I was there).
3) Those goddamn speedbumps.
4) The creepy old guys who sit out on the front porch.
5) That "no turn on red" sign at the corner of Gull & Sprinkle that I won't have to deal with at the new place.
6) My old roommates.
7) Having three to four sets of everything in my kitchen.
8) Having sprinkles hit my window at 2 o'clock in the morning.
9) All the shit I'm getting rid of.
10) Having to drive to my mailbox.

I have a pool again at my place of residence for the first time in like 6 years, and the make-up of the residents at the complex seem a bit closer to our age bracket... and a hell of a lot cuter to boot. ;-) We have a great view, thanks to Joe (there is a funny story behind that one, but not here), and I think we both feel a lot more freedom now that we are in this new place. Another instance of going out and getting what I want and being satisfied with the results.

I am so ready for school. This'll be fun.

So after the fourth time around, turns out you get pretty good at the whole school preparation thing. Got my parking pass and prices for my books in record time today before work. Since I only have three real classes this semester, and I already have the necessary materials for Espanol, I only have to buy for two classes. One huge book for Brit Lit II and two(!!) coursepacks for Industrial/Organizational Behavior. Probably about $150 altogether.

So I've got a number of places that I still have never been to in this town that I really want to check out before I leave:

Water Street Coffee Joint
Wayside
Pasta Pasta
Lunchtime Cafe (down Gull Rd.)
The Philosopher's Stone
Downtown in general

Damn, I know there's more... oh yeah, Rent's coming to Miller in January, anybody interested in that as well?

I/we move tomorrow. I'm excited, but I/we are so not prepared. Sunday, I'm taking my stepcousin out and showing her KZoo.

'Night.

I never, in my wildest dreams, could have imagined that tonight would have turned out as well as it did. It was what I least expected, but it was a pleasant suprise. What a great time. I guess, with some people, you don't realize how much you actually missed them until you see them again.

I see such an aged and mature look when I look at myself in the mirror, especially when bathed it moonlight. I see something completely different, it's amazing.

But seriously, I had a really good time. Thank you.