Live. Laugh. Love.

:: 2006 6 June :: 1.48pm

omg. the following news it utterly unbelievable.

my parents are letting me go camping with roman. i'm leaving tonight and coming back thursday to go to work.

hooray hoorah suck it losers.

7 spoke up | speak the unspoken

:: 2006 6 June :: 10.19am

God I dont' know what to do anymore.

I seriuosly can't handle living two hours away from Roman anymore. I can't handle not having the best friend I used to and her acting like it doesn't even fucking matter. I can't handle having this stupid open house that I haven't even prepared for AT ALL and I can't fucking handle Rosie's anymore because here's how my schedule goes...

I get my schedule 2 weeks ahead of tiem from Menards, then I take my schedule into Rosie's and the days I don't work at Menards I tell Rosie's that those are the days I can work and so unless Rosie's doesn't schedule me on the one or two days I can work for that week, then I work at Rosies. Which leaves me with like no time off at all unless I ask it off and a full plate and feeling tired and like nothing is getting done. Yeah it's good money but I am feeling so drained. I feel like I never want to go out and do anything because then I'll be too tired the next day at WORK.

Also, roman and i have tried to pick out a day that we both get off so we can see each other. It was tuesday but then when menards doesn't schedule me on tuesday, i've been asking to work at rosie's so guess what, I have been working on tuesday leaving no day for us. and yes, we need an entire day because goign to see each other requires four hours of driving. and when we see each other once every other week or so then we need to take advantage of the small amount of time we have so shut up!

and rosie's always makes me feel like they don't want me there anymoer because i can only work a few hours. I am really close to quitting because it's so pointless. they just make me feel like crap and keep hiring people so i feel like they are slowly pushing me out. ....ugh whatever i'm not going to get into it. the farm will be starting soon so i'll have that job again too. i guess i'm just prety sure i'm goign to quit rosies.

So far this summer and even before summer started there hasn't been a day at rosies that i've worked and havent felt like shit ... i'm not gonna get into it but it's completely true. and yeah, i can't really take that anymore.

bye.

oh but wait. i get to work at rosie's tonight at 3. yesterday omg, i worked at menards from 12:30 to 10:30 because the stupid hardware department made us help them with stock when every single night the cashiers have to stay the latest anyway doing returns and they get to leave!!! next time i'll be like hey bitches we helpecd you, you help us. but no, they'll just leave early like always. big suprise.

11 spoke up | speak the unspoken

:: 2006 6 June :: 1.27am
:: Mood: Tired and Burned

This Hurts...

:: 2006 4 June :: 8.09pm

oh and ps i'm totally done trying.

:: 2006 4 June :: 8.05pm

wow. are you fucking kidding me?

:: 2006 4 June :: 9.30am

Oh and in other news about myself instead....

the senior all night party was a lot of fun and when i got back from it , i met roman and he drove us to the apartment but we were early so just to simply kill time, we stopped at a garage sale that was on the same road as the apartment. we were about to get going, with me just buying a Pictionary game, lol, when roman spotted a sign that said more in back, Bedroom suite blah blah blah and so we asked about it and she had two different ones for sale. Long story short, we ended up buying a mattress/box spring/everything you need that's less than a year old, a headboard, a tall dresser, a night stand, and a huge vanity with a mirror and shelves on the side and a light over it It's SO NICE. ... for only $200!!!!! That honestly is such a good deal. we thought we'd be spending 200 for like only a mattress.

but this lady just wanted to get rid of everything because she had a son die or something so its sad but we got a great deal. yesterday my dad and brandon and i went to pick it all up and she sold me this whole dish drying rack thing filled with kitchen utensils like spoons and stirrirs and tongs and a nutcracker and spatulas for a dollar. AHH it was crazy!

so now we have everything we need for the bedroom except some sheets but some lady from romans work is giving him these brand new sheets she never used because she didn't end up buying a queen size for them. so yay

i'm so excited now we only need a table and a futon and we'll be good to go.

hooray
today is stef's shower so off to detroit i go...

:: 2006 4 June :: 9.29am

it's SO fucking stupid. be real. stop being so fucking FAKE!

:: 2006 2 June :: 10.56pm
:: Mood: dirty

Yes...

I am finally done.

I finally graduated.

6 spoke up | speak the unspoken

brokenmentality

:: 2006 2 June :: 4.31pm

i was just reading some of my old entries. i should have seen this coming, and yet how naive i was to still be so happy.

:: 2006 2 June :: 5.49pm
:: Mood: exhausted

Ok, so the other night I didnt really go swimming with Katie naked but I did go skinny dipping the day after.

Simply put, Jess Sly and I decided that we were bored swimming in our suits so we took them off in broad daylight. She ended up losing her top in the lake which was rather hilarious. Anyway, we swam like that for at least an hour and eventually the boys came out and joined us briefly. Abbey and Vicki joined us later topless but nothing more.

I had the most wonderful time that I have had in a while. I have no problem getting naked cause I have learned to be content with the way I look.

"If I could run around naked without being severly penalized then by all the green grass in Ireland, I would."

jayzulla

:: 2006 1 June :: 5.42am

Tall Guy leaves in under two months now. probley wont ever see him again. off to make video games, and live it up in oregon. lucky fuckin' bastard.

Well here it goes. I didnt really want to do this but meh.

Craig, you need to chill the fuck out. You make it sound like i cant drive. i can drive. iv drove myself to work. i just cant drive legally. thats all it is, which changes in aprox. a week and a half. Im not going to be an asshole to you, im not going to egg you on. I dont even know why your sooo pissed at me. i didnt horseshit to you. i looked at your woohu one day and you were ripping on both b and i. and i hadnt done shit to you. you and brenton were not on good terms, but i had nothing to do with that. seeing you add me to a bad friend list set me. you need to light a cig, and think right now, while you're reading this and ask yourself, "what got jay involved." was it that you and b were fighting? no, that doesnt make me angry, you and brenton and everyone else that isnt me has the right to hate anyone they want. i had nothing to do with what was going on. then you post about the both of (despite the fact that i had stayed out of everything, and remained unsided) of us being bad friends, and how we make you spend money when we want to hang out with you. i never wanted to hang out with because i wanted you to spend money on us. thats what faggots do. no one sees their friends to try and get the to spend money on them. i know this probley isnt going to do shit, or change anything but i dont give a fuck. it needed to be said.

4 spoke up | speak the unspoken

:: 2006 31 May :: 9.35am

okay i am so excited.

my apartment is SET. number 212. That's gotta be lucky because 2 is my lucky number. it even faces the pond which is exactly what i wanted because that pond is so super cute. on the second floor like i wished and requested. i am so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and the only bad thing is her office is closed tomorrow so we can't come see it and roman still hasn't even got to view it so now we have to wait longer... well at least it will give us more time to decide on what colors we want them to paint it because i still haven't been able to decide.

if anyone has suggestions on what color we should paint a kitchen with no window, a livingroom with a big sliding door window/patio, a small bathroom, and a bedroom
...let me know please

me and roman are moving in!!! like i said, my trunk is just filling up with odds and ends we need. tomorrow, we are going shopping and browsing for more things we need. stef and paul have been so nice giving us a ton of stuff we'll need. and gave us a GREAT deal on a tv and tv stand. we already had one but it wasn't too great and now we'll have two if want want one in the bedroom.

i'll be starting college 2 weeks after we move at davenport. roman and i have both put in our transfer requests and should be able to smoothly transfer to the clyde park location. i am so excited.

ahh this is so great

Yay i'm so happy. the rest of the deposit is due sometime this week and i am so excited!!!

Tails

:: 2006 31 May :: 3.09am
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: The Dresden Dolls - First Orgasm

Little bits And pieces of clouds.
Its been raining all day. on and off. then steady. now its raining.

I fucking love the rain it allows you to stop and think.
i went to the park alone and sat (not morely) a cop came up behind me and asked what i was doing out here.

Me: "trying to clear my head"
Cop: "troubling isnt it?"
Me: "yes it really is, especially when you cant decided on whats worth leaving and whats worthing taking"
Cop: "maybe i should just take your I.D. run it and let you sit"
Me: "that would be nice"
Cop: "ill be back"

(She runs my I.D. and all is well)

Me:"Thank you officer, Have a good night"
Cop: " you too matt, and remember something for me."
Me: "yes?"
Cop: "Whats left to lose?"

I stood stunned and in complete and utter awe at what just happen.
As she walked back to her car and took off all i could to what sit there and stare into the fucking trees as the rain picked up and fell warmer.
It was like i had been trapped in a fucked up movie.
it was perfect. It was honestly the answer i was looking for for so long.
But who was she? Why did she tell me that?
Why would she say that?
Why wouldnt she just be like get on out of here or something else rude and cop like?

Why did she tell me that profound truth?

Maybe she was sent to me from something or somewhere.

either way it was interesting and felt great to sit in the rain and think alone and clear my head of thoughts with a little assitance

BTW Becky, Run with the passing of the torch my dear. Run fast and dont stop.

3 spoke up | speak the unspoken

3 spoke up | speak the unspoken

:: 2006 31 May :: 12.27am

So this is how it rolls: List ten (10) things you want to say to ten (10) different people. Do not state who these people are. Do not confirm or deny any 'comment speculation'.

1. You hurt me.
2. It's all a joke.
3. I really like you. Honestly, I love you. I'm sorry I lie to you and I want to be what we should be.
4. I don't think I'll ever forgive you and I don't think you are as great as you seem to think you are.
5. One day you'll realize that being so 'good' isn't good.
6. Stick in there. Deep down I know you and I are a lot alike. And I believe that you'll be really successful when you grow up so don't worry.
7.I never tried. And also I cheated a lot.
8. I'm not as great as you think I am.
9. I don't deserve it.
10. I wasn't lieing when I said I didn't like myself.

4 spoke up | speak the unspoken

:: 2006 30 May :: 10.20am

nevermind, i guess.

:: 2006 30 May :: 12.10am

i hate myself.

:: 2006 28 May :: 12.25am

you just have to revive me.

you're the only one who can do that, jess. everyone else just pisses me off.

aww well isn't that sweet. being in love is just the best isn't it.

I am getting kinda excited for stef's wedding and i'm happy that she is with a good guy and that everything is good for them and i can't wait for the baby makin. wait, that sounds wrong. i can't wait for a baby to be made. Yes... lol. i dont really care how it gets done, just do it. lol i want a little nephew. yes , a nephew not a neice. if it's a niece they can have it back. girls just bug me.

i am also THRILLED to be moving in august!!! YAY moving in with my best friend/ boyfriend lol. i love him and can't wait to like, own our toilet paper lol. we will own everything in that little apartment and it will be ours! yay! i am so excited. i can't stop buying little things for us for the apartment. my whole trunk is almost full to capacity and soon the backseat probably will be too. i only need a few more things really. it seems like a lot but it's probably not that much.. i duno. and stef and paul are giving us a bunch of stuff after their wedding gifts which is awesome of them.

i'm so excited! and i love my baby! not literallly baby. not like i'm preggy baby but like my baby darling roman r to the o to the MAN roman banana shana fo fanna foman. roman.

love!

:: 2006 27 May :: 11.23pm
:: Music: Grey's Anatomy Soundtrack

Why...

I am such a horrible person I cant believe it. I have fucked up so many times that it isnt even worth trying to fix. Now that I look back I have broken so many hearts just because I could but I never thought twice about the person that I was doing it to. Like with Jimmy. I really did like him alot and I dont know why but I dropped him for Zach and why I did that I dont know. I think about Jimmy all the time and when I look back on it, I find that I have made a humongous mistake. I should never have let him go to be with Zach. I find that is the biggest mistake that I have ever made. I called him a while back but I dont think it helped any. I wish it did. He was the first person that I really truelly felt for since my first heartbreak which was terrible. Usuallly after a while I have a neutral feeling about things like this but it has been almost a year and I still wish I hadnt been such a bitch because I am really not like that. I wish I could go back in time and change it all. I wish so badely. But I can wish all I want but it isnt going to happen. I only knew him briefly but I really fell for him more than I thought I did at the time.

I wish
I wish
I wish
I wish
I wish
I wish
I wish
I wish
I wish

If it were only that easy.

liz	:: 2006 27 May :: 10.07pm FUCK thanks jessa I heart you still wish I could have seen our twins grow up ill bet they arent as cute as clementine though. 1 spoke up \| speak the unspoken

:: 2006 27 May :: 5.12pm
:: Mood: exhausted

Fuck