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2002 20 December :: 6.53 pm
FUCKIN DUMB ASS
Damnit. Why do i forget and forget. Because it s the easy way out. Thats why. Saturday (today)morning my mom sat there and yelled at me because I didnt clean the fuckin kitty box which caused her to even go on more about yelling. Shee stood there screaing in my face about how I'm not responsible and that i'm never going to make it in life because i'm stupid. Those were her exact words. Then she raised her fist..not her hand..her fist to my face and said "You ass" If she ever raises her hand to me again I'm fuckin out of here. I dont know where I'll go but i will not sit here and ignore the verbal and physical abuse. I tried not to cry but I couldnt help it. Then she said if i get a bad grade on my US history test that I'd never see the internet or any of my friends again.Thats not even funny. If she did that I'd fuckin run away for sure. I seriously should abuse myself for that fact for having to go through this torchure.
1 *KiSs |
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2002 19 December :: 6.51 pm
God...
Obviously I'm not online lol. yeah. .I'm thinking about trying to get my mom to take me to jc penneys because i need some formal black pants or a black skirt for a get together with all the family in B.C. I did what I said I'd never do again..Forgive and forget...I cant help it. Now that I look back at it. . I guess the whole thing was stupid. I dont even care anymore.
Life sucks and then you die so screw whatever was bothering me. God..i have so many issues.
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2002 19 December :: 6.46 pm
Sigh
Well..Continuing from yesterday- today I got to stay home to keep an eye on my dad because he had surgery. It wasnt that easy. My mom also made me clean the whole fuckin house. I did dishes, laundry, and other stuff. If she thinks cleaning is torchure or some kind of punishment shes a damn idiot. Its a piece of cake compaired to stuff I thought she would make me do. I also played video games and watched tv for most of the day. As far as talking to my mom..I really dont care but i'm not going to be friendly with her and act like nothing happened.. I've done that too many times. I didnt get a chance to sleep because i'm not allowed to. Sounds crazy i know.. I have to get back to folding laundry. I might possibly be on tonight. I highly doubt it though.
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2002 18 December :: 6.40 pm
God Dammit
This shal be night 2 of the internet grounding. My journals entrys will now be writen on paper and later added to my journal. Its 12:45 am. Just got home from the movies. Moms pissed because I was later and she said she sat up late worrying about me. WHAT GOOD TIMING. WORRY ABOUT ME JUST SO I GET BUSTED AND IN DEEP SHIT BUT YET DONT GIVE A SHIT WHEN YOU SEE ME SLOWLY SLIPPING AWAY AND TURING INTO A DIFFERENT PERSON. What perfect fuckin timing. I cry more than I smile when I'm at home. I hate to admit it but i think I might be becoming depressed. I went to a party tonight and hardly said a word to anyone. Not even the person who ment the most. Whats happening to me. I'm full of insecurities...lack of self confidence... and all i want to do is sleep and get away from the world all together. Who ever said life was good they are liars...I'm so afraid right now. I'm at the point where I'm sitting here thinking what it would be like if I wasnt here right now...gone tomorrow. I'd rather be dead than live with everything thats eating me up inside
-*Signed out- 1:19 am
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2002 17 December :: 6.30 pm
:: Mood: discontent
All the Shit
I havent been feeling well lately. Not only that but not feeling like myself. Too afraid to tell anyone. I know I have low iron but that doesnt explain the dizzyness and occasional 5 second blackouts. I know it sounds like I am anorexic but i'm not! I am not starving myself. My mom is nothing but a bitch to me. Wow, big surprise. She will never change. Tonight- got grounded off the internet for not cleaning the bathroom good enough. Tomorrow I'm going to that party no matter what and i'm going to see the movie and if she doesnt let me go than that is the last straw. I'm tired of having to go through this every fuckin day. I'm so fuckin tired of it. She makes me depressed, she makes me feel this way. If I wouldnt have forgive and forget all the stuff shes done to me i wouldnt be on speaking terms right now. I want to break this pointless cycle but its too painful.
I was happy until this happen today.
(writen in code so i can keep this moment to myself)
I cant believe I was so shaky!
I think this is the one time..the one and only time i've been this way.
I'll never get over this obsession its not a fling.
I've never felt or acted that way.
It was so damn amazing.
Blow me a... |
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2002 17 December :: 6.30 pm
:: Mood: discontent
All the Shit
I havent been feeling well lately. Not only that but not feeling like myself. Too afraid to tell anyone. I know I have low iron but that doesnt explain the dizzyness and occasional 5 second blackouts. I know it sounds like I am anorexic but i'm not! I am not starving myself. My mom is nothing but a bitch to me. Wow, big surprise. She will never change. Tonight- got grounded off the internet for not cleaning the bathroom good enough. Tomorrow I'm going to that party no matter what and i'm going to see the movie and if she doesnt let me go than that is the last straw. I'm tired of having to go through this every fuckin day. I'm so fuckin tired of it. She makes me depressed, she makes me feel this way. If I wouldnt have forgive and forget all the stuff shes done to me i wouldnt be on speaking terms right now. I want to break this pointless cycle but its too painful.
I was happy until this happen today.
(writen in code so i can keep this moment to myself)
I cant believe I was so shaky!
I think this is the one time..the one and only time i've been this way.
I'll never get over this obsession its not a fling.
I've never felt or acted that way.
It was so damn amazing.
Blow me a... |
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2002 15 December :: 7.21 pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: Life House- Spin
God...
Why does she have to be so fuckin bitchy. She even drives my dad away. She has so many standards and she has to have everything done a certain way. She complains about everything there is to complain about..always looking at the negatives instead of the positives. I'm sick of it. She wonders why we get mad at her. God...Cant she just be normal for 5 minutes. Just 5 mins is all I ask. She doesnt try to relate to me.. she just doesnt understand. She sits there and just bosses me around. She tells me everything i have to clean and how to do it while she sits on her ass for no reason. Then shes all complaining about my dad to other people over the phone and my dad is the best dad I could ask for. Shes the one with the problem not him. She tells me when i have to go to champion. I can pick what days i want to go if i want to its not the end of the fuckin world. IF i want to go tuesday I'll go fuckin tuesday I shouldnt have to get her permission to go. Thats fucked up. She cant controll her own damn life so she grips her hands around mine? Its not fair.. it doesnt make any sence. I try to be the practical daughter sure..but I get nothing in return. She acts like she doesnt care. She tries to be funny but its not...not after all shes done. She cant get her way out of this one. I'm forever pissed. When I'm 18 im getting the hell out of here getting a tatoo and my tongue pierced. lol..seriously though i want my tongue pierced. I cant stand living here any more. The only thing i look forward to doing when i get home is sleeping or just watching tv with my dad. He has surgery this upcoming wednesday so hes gunna be taking me to school for a couple days XD thank god. On the lighter note- I made Chocolate chip muffins and blackberry ones too.. They will be yummy.
1 *KiSs |
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2002 14 December :: 7.19 pm
:: Mood: It smells like corn in here...
:: Music: Tommy Lee- Hold me Down
HOLY JESUS! I FORGOT ABOUT THE SNOKONES!
How COULD I FORGET ABOUT THE SNO KONES! OMG WHAT KIND OF PERSON AM I! MM..winter watermellon sno kones are the best! WELL ANYWAYS! I HAVE THE WHOLE FUCKIN HOUSE TO MYSELF! WOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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2002 13 December :: 6.27 pm
:: Mood: DUDE!!
SCORE!! I found some sites that have music waves.. I should have a schweet song soon.
Blow me a... |
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2002 13 December :: 6.17 pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: Creed-Weathered
WOOO!
Just becasue the subject says WOOO! It doesnt mean that the post will be exciting lol. Well......let us see here. I saw kyle at champion and he saw me but dint think it was me lol. Yeah...I think saturday we're going to try to meet up there somehow. Kyle is cool, he would be a very good friend. Uhh..whatelse. I lost 6 ibs lol. Uhh....
Sry bumping sister coming
Yeah...lol. I am so bloated...too much chicken poppers....ahhhhhhh...gunna ...explode.I burnt my finger. it hurts. lol. I'm trying to find a new song for my page thats funnkyyy yeah! I'm not tired but I can feel my eyes drooping and they sting when i close them. I'm not tired though. Dammit I so have mono lol.
Blow me a... |
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2002 11 December :: 7.29 pm
:: Mood: Bloated and Cold lol
:: Music: None.. i forgot we have kazaa now! yay
Noffin
Yeah today was pretty boring. I got home and took a hour nap besides the fact that i should probably do my U.S. History homework even though its not due tomorrow.. oh well...Then i had to take my kitty to the vet. Hes getting declawed and nudered. Then my daddykins gets the rest of the week off because he has to have surgery soon so GUESSS WHATTT ...I GET TO WAKE UP AN HOUR LATE AND HES TAKIN ME TO SCHOOL TOMORROW!! YES! I LOVE MY DADDY! I wonder if he will make me breakfast? lol I never eat breakfast even thought they say its "the most important meal of the day" yeah...who cares. I'm bored and tired and cold. BUT comfy..i have my pjs on..of course. I have no clue what i'm wearing tomorrow that bugs me. I like clothes lol. I like sleeping. I like cheese also. Welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll thennn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I donno if theres anything else to say. I think i had something important to say but i dont remember.
2 *KiSses |
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2002 8 December :: 7.07 pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: Puddle of Mudd- Blurry
Ugh!
It's just so stupid!! There are like a million and 1 things that I dont want to keep doing but I dont sit there and bitch about it. "WHY DO I HAVE TO KEEP TELLING YOU GUYS BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH..." she says. Maybe because exaderate every fuckin thing. We do alot. I DO alot. You do nothing but bitch and sit on your ass. God..I dont know how anyone can stand her.
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2002 7 December :: 8.56 pm
I dont think the people at East are bad, I'm just refuring to the people who arent my friends. I guess you have to really know me before I came to east. I was so use to having all these guy friends and hanging out with guys. I didnt have many friends who were girls. I just miss all the people who I grew up hanging out with. The guys I hung out with were so funny.. I mean I'd come close to the point were i'd seriously shit myself from laughing so hard. I havent laughed that hard since...like forever. I want to be like soooo happy... and I know I can be. I just wish I had them here with me.
music codez
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2002 4 December :: 9.31 am
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: none
i donno
Some people have really strong opinions about things... I donno. Just some I dont like.....I've gotten negative responces from some people because they dont like the way I deal with things. If i be too specific it would be too easy to define what i'm talking about so i'm no going to go into it much. If you dont understand what i'm sayin just re read maybe 4 time it may come to you lol. I'm just kindof frustrated with some people. Today at lunch I'll probably go in the stairwell with Ashley again. It gives us time to catch up on the 4 years that we havent really talked to eachother much. I really wished she wouldnt have moved. We were such good friends. I miss everything about her. The bon fires, roller chairs lol, hot tub, the sleep overs we would have. I wish she still lived by me. It would be so awsome if she could move back.. although her old house isnt up for sale lol. Just because she moved doesnt mean we cant hang out. I think I'll spring for the oppertunity to become friends with her again. We need to hang..like old times. Anyways, I'll probably go to champion Thursday and friday. Or..I'll go to the North game on thursday and go to champion on friday. Is there a north game??? UHH...i dont know...lol *shows up at north and no ones there*lol that would be funny though. I have the perfect plan on what i'm going to do to him when i see him LOL....ITS GOING TO BE SOOO FUNNY!!! HAHAHAHHAAMAUAHAHAHAHAH. Maybe this plan is tooo.. perfect. I'll probably be to chicken to do it anyways but it was a good idea...lol. *slaps herself* COMMON GET WITH IT!!! Wooo! I need to draw more pics with megan for the poisonivy site. I know on the site I spelled poison, p-o-s-i-o-n because poisonivans was already taken..thats quite odd? lol
Well.. I best be going .... I have like 7 minutes before the bell rings..oh yeah i'm at school right now lol. .. Soo yeah.. bye.. I wont be online till Thursday. SHucks.
1 *KiSs |
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