Anytngbtordinary
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2005 2 December :: 11.30am
So I feel like being creative but its hard because laziness is over-powering my creativeness. Damn.
I did start writing a new story in chem today though. I figured it was a better-much more entertaining use of my time. I've completely given up on chem...its a waste of time to even try to learn it. It can go fuck itself.
But yeah i've been thinking a lot about what I want/need. I realized that I don't like myself- nothing new there but that perhaps what i'm looking for relationship-wise is someone who can make me like myself.
I think its basically impossible. I've doubted everyone i've dated...in my mind they had no reason to like/love me, my explanation was just that they didnt know me or they didnt realize that they didnt really love me or what not. But then again that could just go back to me believing that I'm not worth being liked/loved...its quite the strange circle.
::shrugs:: I'm pretty calm today...those are just recent thoughts you know?
This is only in here because this journal (dear lord i almost spelled that "Gernal"!) is relatively safe...i think.
In other news, i'm getting sick :( My tummy hurts mucho...ever since yesterday and its not going away :(
In better news erm um...not sure.
I lose.
Heh.
Alright bye.
~Jackie
Are you a purple cow?
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Anytngbtordinary
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2005 28 November :: 5.09pm
Long time.
I'm wasting the few hours I have left before I MUST study. EUHGURH
I hate chemistry!!!
So this journal is much safer than xanga. I can easily guess who may read this one...xanga, everyone knows about it so its not somewhere that i can really trust.
Thanksgiving break was amazing, though it did suck that I didnt see everyone I wanted to or get to spend much time with everyone.
Then there were the people I did see that I kind of wish I didnt...
Nick is the perfect example haha...
Its hard even to put my thoughts in here... scary.
I need somewhere to sort things out but how many times do I have to sort this issue out???
I've spent the last few years dealing with it and stressing over it and exploding over it
How ridiculous am I???
Very. Boo.
College was supposed to make it go away...
I was so sure it would.
But nooo...i still make dumb decisions that affect things at home and make me go...wtf was I thinking???
Blah. I need dinner.
~Jackie
3 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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pixeldot
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2005 26 November :: 1.52pm
My life is empty while songmeanings.net is down.
Then again, my life is pretty empty anyway, considering I've spent the last 8 months dwelling on how absolutely ecstatic it makes me to see him smile.
Oh well.
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 24 November :: 2.23pm
:: Mood: angry
that turkey on google taunts me. he has pie and cranberry sauce in front of him. i want all that and mashed potatos and sweet potatos and green beans...a normal thanksgiving dinner. ive been so excited about it. but, no. we're having appetizers...cheese and crackers. i was more full last night when we went to red robin!
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 23 November :: 11.43pm
im so jealous of her.
she has someone to protect her, someone to guide her, and someone to love her.
i dont think she sees it, though.
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 22 November :: 11.10pm
i shouldnt be writing in here. i need to do my paper.
kristen was talking about stunkel and la-te-da...
she told me dont give up on justin...
but i love him. too much to lose him.
zak says otherwise now...
"if he had wanted you, dont you think he would have gone for you? he went for a freshman and not you"
ouch. but why couldnt anyone tell me before. before eight months had rolled around? before i started this ridiculous emotion.
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 20 November :: 9.45pm
hello! the last few days've been interesting. friday we went to a concert and took dagi and kristen, and that was fun...funny, too, cuz they were frightened a bit...until they started to participate. :)
Read more..
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 17 February :: 10.20pm
:: Mood: aggravated
as if i dont do so enough, am going to bitch. and of course, among common topics, about my parents.
Read more..
Are you a purple cow?
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pixeldot
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2005 17 November :: 12.43pm
I haven't updated this in a while. Wonder if anyone actually looks at it.
Theres nothing better than sitting in study hall, jammin' to Carmina Burana, and updating your online journal. This is the climax of my life, seriously, it just all goes down from here.
I'd like to cosplay Aerith.
http://ffrejects.tripod.com/aerith.jpg
http://neogurus.net/images/Final_Fantasy_VII/images/aerith.jpg
(PS searching for aerith on google images during school is a piss poor idea. I forgot how much fanboys adore aerith... and adore seeing her naked =/)
Shes so sweet. I think it'd be fun.
In creative writing, conroy showed me the pamplet for a FFXII demo he obtained. He said the demo honestly wasn't that great... that it was alot like X-2. But the graphics look purdy =3
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow?
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sweetyas
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2005 16 November :: 3.16am
The reason the last entry just said AHHHH is b/c u can't scream that in a dorm and have ppl think ur normal. So i had to write it out...the stress is killing me...not really but i hate having 17 credit hours thats a bitch and a half...it kills. im gonna take easy classes 2nd semester im excited. Ok adios girls study hard.
Yasamin
PS ok this is hilarious and when i see u i will do it wiht a good accent but some random homeless guy said this to me ( i was wearing my bright pink coat):
"Damn...Damn...Damn...cute as a button!!!!!!" (add the accent its hilarious). I <3 chicago!
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow?
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sweetyas
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2005 15 November :: 12.57am
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH im pissed at me. thats all. im done. need 2 focus on school. A lot of shit on my shoulders. needs to get off.
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 14 November :: 11.30pm
:: Mood: melancholy
you know, i dont know if im really melancholy...but it's such a pretty word.
strangely, life seems to be fated ironically. the jealousy of my love for another flipped into my envy for his action with another.
Read more..
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 9 November :: 10.41pm
i know if you're reading this, you're sick of hearing about justin. because i almost am.
kristen does not see the appeal in him. understandably. the thing about spending a lot of time with someone is the fact that you can pinpoint perfectly what his or her biggest issues are.
Justin's issues:
I. CONTROL
there is no doubt about it; he wants to be in control of the situation and the people involved because if he's in control, then no one can make him do anything.
II. DENIAL
he claims he is one way, and is definatly another. classical idenity confusion.
III. SUPERIORITY
most people work themselves up in competition; there is the all out defeating someone, and the sabotaging their progress to fuel your own. he's the second one.
so, with all that, the guy that spoke at the school a few weeks ago said that first there is infatuation. then there is the problem discovery and that seems to be the stage within which i am.
i got some pants and boots and so that's happy. ama go to kohl's tmro though to exchange the pants (they're too big).
4 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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sweetyas
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2005 3 November :: 4.03am
I Failed i cant study for that test....ill get up early...yea right!
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow?
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