mudpiegrl
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2005 22 October :: 9.22am
today, i really wanted to go to school. i left the house on time, but worried that i wasnt. i got down the street and realised i had absolutly no money. so i went back and grabbed a bag of quarters with about four dollars in it. i figured that'd be fine and i'd get money from the atm at the station for a ticket home (i only have one ride left on my ticket). But i got there and realised that i had no wallet, and in fact, i still have no idea where it went. i could have driven, but one dollar for a toll and six for parking...six that i didnt have.
so i came home, just like last thursday. but i made hte train on time. it's really frustrating because its mostly an online course, but my dad got mad at me last time something like this happened.
tomorrow i have to get my japanese textbook, because barnes and noble didnt order the right thing. i failed my quiz though, which is really pathetic. i just cannot memorize the symbols in hiragana. Considering im doing so badly at that, im not looking forward to having to learn katakana too. its hard because there is no latin logic behind it, which is why other languages are easier for me.
so thats my day so far and its not even ten o clock yet.
Are you a purple cow?
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sweetyas
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2005 21 September :: 11.15am
Calculus sucks, its tough shit
Chem 2 much to memorize (need to memorize like 92 elements and other random crap). Btw i've had 3 chem labs broke shit in 2 of them
Speech: is a bitch
Anatomy:everything i did in AP bio last year i've just done and wait there is more biology
Psych: you all lied, filthy liers psych is just a bastard. (ok college psych and Mr. mann psych i guess have to be different)
So basically this week i have a test, quiz, or speech in all of these classes. Damn it why aren't i business major they don't do anything, im serious! (yea i have a test at 1230 so just freaking out a tad)
Are you a purple cow?
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Anytngbtordinary
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2005 20 September :: 1.09pm
Well I broke.
I want to go home.
I don't even know why.
I'm too dumb for college.
I can't do things on my own...even going to the library to do a project scares me.
I failed my first exam.
Failed...like below average, and average was 62.
That means I'm failing a class already.
I'm that stupid.
I feel like sleeping all the time.
And thats scary because I guess a lot of people have mono in our dorm.
Great.
Just great.
Everyone has been home but me!
And why they hell did I choose zoology?!
Who was I kidding? I can't do this!
What a dumb career path!
What do I think I can do with this?
Everyone in zoology here is going into a medicine career.
I have a test at 2...its 1:14.
I'm going to fail again.
Why am I freaking out?
Everyones coming to me asking for help lately...and I want to help.
But now I'm flipping out.
URHGJDHG:LKAJSF
This whole alone thing...how do I feel so alone?
People are so awesome here....
But I don't know why i feel so alone and freaked out...like the whole doing things on my own maybe...
Whatever.
I dont get mitosis...and its on my test.
Bye.
~Jackie
3 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 20 October :: 12.36am
updated pictures. see previous entry for link.
so i went to arizona and i really wont say much cuz it wasnt that amazing...but twas fun.
went to my first party on friday...but didnt drink, no worries...i havent dropped my morals.
it presented me with an interesting question. why do people do so if they address the choice to not drink with such positiveness?
perhaps they feel it rids them of their stress because thinking further into it made me notice that responsibility and drinking are on opposite sides of a scale. those with loads of responsibility (hmwk, cleanliness, job) tend to feel that its ok with more vigor, versus those like me, who dont hold those things as high, hold that choice above opportunity. tell me if you agree or disagree...am a little theorist lol.
i should go to bed because i have school tmro...but its only 10:45 in AZ and am used to going to bed at 2:30am there.
in other news, jill asked why i hadnt been talking to her and i told her honestly. i dont feel bad because she asked and i feel i handled it maturely (with patrice to back it up), despite some bitchy, cold-heartedness, but i almost think it's expected.
"Unabashed honesty
would be ideal,
but a prophet did once say
that honesty's a lonely word."
~Have You Ever; Incubus
Are you a purple cow?
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sandatthebeach
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2005 19 September :: 9.18pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: IMEA music repeating in my head
Wireless Mouse
So yes, Senioritis has definitely hit me hard core. It's great. I only have two text books and they already seem like too much. Hahahaha.
I'm freaking out about colleges. I just had to make things way more stressful for myself by going into music. Because my admission is mostly based on my audition. If I fuck up on my audition, goodbye to that school.
So my top schools right now are DePaul and Indiana. Two really really really great schools, especially for music. Fuck. Lots of competition as well. I just want to be good, you know? Blah. But my heart's set on DePaul right now. The more I look into that school, the more I like it. It's in freakin Chicago and I've always wanted to experience the city life just once. My dream was to go to school in New York City but that didn't work out. Chicago will have to do. I mean, there's nothing wrong with Chicago either. I guess just because of the fact that I live less than an hour away from it just makes it weird but really...I don't know much about Chicago even though I've lived here my entire life. I was born there too. Well, not downtown Chicago but in the city nonetheless. Plus the Music school at DePaul is in the Lincoln Park Campus which is where I would prefer to be rather than the Loop. Being in Lincoln Park will give me the more tradition college feel than the Loop which is something that I want...and the city...all at the same time. It would be perfect for me.
Holy crap I really really want to go there. I know my grades and test scores will get me in but I'm just worried about the auditon and fucking that up hardcore.
Ok..I'm starting to clear my head. I'm gonna go there. I will. I'm going to work my butt off until I get in.
I'm not applying to Northwestern. It's an amazing school and I'm in love with the campus but as an undergraduate student...I'll pass. The boy will be disappointed but too bad...my college choices, not his.
Oh the boy. He makes me really really happy. :-)
Ok, that was a brief rant about collges. There will probably be plenty more to come.
Always, Sandy
3 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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sweetyas
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2005 19 September :: 4.13pm
MY HOT SEXY PHONE
is back. SO call me (same number) so i can ahve ur number. If you guys are bored come visit me @ loyola, I really dont have anything to do....well there are classes but if i am not caffinated i fall asleep in those. Adios chicas. Oh btw i got my eyebrows threaded, a fucking bitch, but it doesnt hurt as much as waxing. OK. Adios.
yasamin
P.S. what is up wiht the ghost in the theatre???
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 15 September :: 12.31am
i have a photo bucket.
the pics from the carnival are on there...they're under attempts...for my lame attempts at photography...look at the one titled Toy Gore...its almost as if they meant for it to read that subliminally...
have fun woo! good day.
5 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 14 September :: 9.20am
:: Mood: calm
you know how everything is so stressful and then all of a sudden, everything's alright and calm. thats now starting yesterday. just everything...i think i realised that there is nothing to worry about. am in school, i have a schedule that i know how it works, am hanging out with people, justin issues are not pressing, and i've been doing stuff i want to do like take pictures and look at art. strangely, like always, its the opposite for everyone else. so sorry for anyone who has loads to do. ill read something for you. :)
that's really all. good day.
3 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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sandatthebeach
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2005 6 September :: 8.28pm
:: Mood: crappy
Crushed Pineapples
I'm so fucking insecure it's great. Maybe I'm supposed to be alone...forever...what if I'm supposed to be a nun for real? I don't know, I'm having issues with...crap. I fucking hate the way that I am sometimes...
Can you really fall out of love in a short period or time? Someone you've loved for so long...just suddenly decide hey, I wanna move on. I just, I dont' know, I think it's impossible to have such sudden change of heart. Or maybe I'm just a loser for taking way to long to move on, you know? I mean, it took me 3 years to get over someone....a few months? Is it possible? I don't know. I read some things that made me really jealous and upset all at the same time. Then I felt stupid and got really insecure and just wanted to lock myself in my room, hide under the covers and hide from the world. I think I'm pushing away everyone. I hate being alone yet I'm the one who puts myself in that position. I hate people but I don't. Maybe I'm just sick of me and my bullshit. I hate burdening other people with it so I just dwell on it...forever...until I crack.
I want to go outside right now and just screa really really loudly because I feel like I'm suffocated. Not because my nose is stuffy but just everything inside feels trapped and I want to take my brain out and just chuck it at a moving train then make myself a new one...one that doesn't think so much....I'm make a brain that only concentrates on school so I can be smart.
And that's my rant.
Always, Sandy
3 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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Anytngbtordinary
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2005 31 August :: 1.54pm
Woah... is it Jackie?
Nope.
Ok yeah...you caught me.
I had a lot more private entries on here than I thought man! They were private for a reason though and I shouldnt have even seen them. Boo.
Its weird too cuz they are like a year old.
Talk about needing to let go of the past huh?
Its just weird. One of them was a...erm...a story type dealie. I cant believe that all that jazz lasted until January 2005! Maybe a bit longer but wow...everyone told me it went on too long...but that long?! YIKES MAN! And i dont even think people knew it went up until jan/feb. Thats siiick! O.o I think I'm going to delete all those entries.
But when I was packing to come here a few weeks ago (dear god...its been 2 weeks already!) I found the oldest of old woohu entries haha. Wow... you guys...we had so much shit going on between all of us it was ridiculous!!!! Who did we think we were creating so much drama?! SHEESH. Haha. But yeah...wow...dont look back on the past...or old journal entries. Scary stuff that is.
I'm gonna go write a more fun xanga entry now because xanga is awesomely awesome. Just thought Id surprise everyone cool in here! Hehe bye!
~Jackie
2 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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sweetyas
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2005 30 August :: 4.30pm
:: Music: Church bells
Stupid Bells
I hate church bells my friends. They are a pain in the ass. i am serious. They ring like every half an hour for some random reason, i guess they have a meaning but every half hour is a bit much dont you think? Yea i have a headache and am a bit tired and my laptop sucks. Its going to die so im not going to write anymore. Classes seem hard i hope i do well.
Are you a purple cow?
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goose
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2005 29 August :: 7.20pm
:: Music: Emo raido station
This weekend was purdy good if you were wondering...
Friday i only had one class :) then i just took care of some stuff i'd been meaning to do, and worked a wee bit and then went hot tubbin with that kid...
Then saturday i partied hard with Elisa when we went to visit david at school and couldnt find him cuz he went home so we just went to this random frat party...lol funny joke...yeah i compleatly convinced matt that all of that was true, david came home for real and the 3 of us hung out for a while, but yeah i was joking around with matt cuz he was with ben and asked where i was and somehow he believed me...then david went over to his house, we thought for sure he'd figure it out but he just said hey jill davids over...so i said ha! thats why we couldnt find him. He kept thinking it was weird that i left the state and didnt tell him...hehe. then i walked into his house and just stood there. it was so funny. yeah but you had to actually be there. yeah...
im listening to yahoo radio, the emo station its sweet... hehe they play jimmy eat world and fall out boy. jill likes. :)
woo theatre class tomorrow! I am not going to tell you how much of a dork i am because you will laugh, because even my mother laughed at me when i told her what i did, so i will keep this to myself now...hehe
2 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 27 August :: 11.40pm
im excited because i finally registered for classes. i did things people said i wouldnt. my mum said id never graduate high school. my brother said id never get into college. too bad that i did, eh? so i've found that i can take a language, no matter what it is...its a new language that will help me decode anything i run across. i'm finally done with trying to please them, and that's why i did well last year in school. so i'm happy making myself so by doing things that please me and make me proud. i found someone who has pride in me for at least my excitement and determination for learning language and it seems like ill almost start working for him soon enough. it's like when you normally like a guy and you'll do things simply to impress them, only the things that impress him are also the things that make me happy.
they dont think im responsible at all and that i have no respect for anyone, including myself, which is ironic if you know them. maybe it's because they want me to fill in the gaps that they are too old to complete now. i know i will succeed, because ill allow myself to be let down by me. i think i have a strength a lot of people dont, which i suppose is thinking very highly of myself, but it keeps me going in my head, believing that ill end up alright.
so now, im not all that excited about college at all, although earlier i was so excited just to have the opportunity to learn japanese. i think that it will be great, but i have no desire to prove anything to anyone.
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 27 August :: 10.57pm
i dont really have much to update. ill post something i wrote a few days earlier...although am not going to reread it just for authenticity becuase then i probably wouldnt post it.
went to another wedding today...he liked some of the pictures i took....now if only i could learn to focus it right...
nada nuevo con la nino. que triste.
i dont know what to do for my bday. it seems lame to turn eighteen and do nothing fun. like even just with friends. patrice cant on monday cuz of school and everyone has school btu then theres the evening...but why just chill. i wnat to do soemthing but its beginning to look like a lot of nothing.
i also want to do something because im turning eighteen and i dont know if my dad'll take me skydiving but we are going to the race track sometime next week. thats the best thing considering im doing nothing with cigars or porn.
the masks i painted are no longer satisfactory. they're too simple and not original enough. that means ama have to do another one and i have an idea.
ama paint it like the muscles in ones face. i dont know how well it'll work, in fact, im fairly confident it wont...but oh well because no one ever really ahs to see it.
know what sucks about having your bday close is that everytime you get the urge to say "i want..." or "it'd be so great if i had...", you know everyone's tuning in...and youd rather they didnt bother in that case...because its just a spur of the moment and something that'll probably end up in the garbage three weeks from now. besides...that was the whole reason i didnt want to have a party. i hate when people get you stuff cuz you feel like you have to get them something in return...but then theres that curiousity that you'd want to know how inventive people have gotten from last year...or if they were original at all.
oh and the reason i dont like flowers. i found it out. not because neil always got them but because they were so easy to get. they are either the "shit i didnt do something and i need to" last minute...or "i didnt even try" worthless attempt. but no matter. that can stay in here, eh?
g'night. dont spend money on me, kie? my room's messy enough as it is.
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 26 August :: 4.18pm
I GAVE BLOOD TODAY!!!
so the government gives grants to families with a lot of medical problems and not a lot of money, especially those with cancer patient children and such. and donors give blood and platelets and marrow and hair to those patients, just as you can give your old clothes to salvation army for people who arent as well off. you pop your kindness on a tax return sheet for the clothes and it gives back, partly so you actually go through with it. it helps so that the people can get jobs and get off of welfare, costing the government less in the long run. so why, if the govenment is giving grants for medical, should blood and other donations not have the same effect? except this is the problem: you can't say $3 worth of blood, $9 hair like you can with pants.
so, ama write a letter to mr. congressman, blajoavich(?), and whomever else passes laws and see what happens. usually, i get ideas like this and dont go through with them but i have nothing else to do right now cuz someone's not responding to my text so ill get right on that.
Are you a purple cow?
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