mudpiegrl
|
::
2005 17 July :: 2.12am
:: Music: fan.
I have this song/track in my head. it's called "Mecury Rising" by From Autumn to Ashes, a band I surprisingly like some of thier stuff.
It's really just a guy talking but I like what he says.
Every breath that I exhale is a sigh -
every breath that I exhale is a sigh of exhaustion.
[repeating throughout]
How sad - this is what your life has
been reduced to - a single room apartment containing no more than a mattress.
The strings have been removed from the blinds and all the outlets have been
painted over. The television screen is streaked with blood smeared from your
knuckles as you were trying to punch it out but you underestimated its
strength, or maybe you just weren't trying hard enough. Startled by a knock
at the door you rise for the first time in two days to answer, but you can
only greet the visitor with one short statement. Hello my first name is
distance and I really don't care if I never wake up again.
Are you a purple cow?
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2005 15 July :: 3.48pm
:: Mood: irritated
Bad day
Today has just not gone well at all.
What I was supposed to do:
10:00-13:00-Work at VHHS
21:30-23:16-Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Patrice, Sandy, Jackie, and Kristen
23:30-24:00-Harry Potter Party at B&N
But...I have to work from 17:00-22:00...soo...:
21:30-23:16-Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Patrice, Sandy, Jackie, and Kristen
13:30-15:16-Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Puddin'
But he had too many things to do.
So I came home and wanted to wash my car and make coffee smooties for Patrice, Ryan, and myself.
But my blender is soo shitty, it doesn't even come close to chopping the already chopped ice.
And the "drought" forbids us to use excess amounts of water.
So that all sucks.
Ama go get my wristaband for the book and my check from Chuck E. Cheese and go to the bank to get money for the book and come home and pack my stuff for our awesome sleepover, wherever that may end up being.
I think I'm too stressed because I made myself really mad by thinking about stuff today...rather than just pitifully mourning it. Have you (and I'm talking to anyone who would actually read this) ever listened to a song and thought it meant one thing to you but then thought about it at another time and then got confused and realised it's broader than you thought? "Short Stories with Tragic Endings" is like that for me.
Alright, am done whining for now.
Are you a purple cow?
|
sweetyas
|
::
2005 15 July :: 6.35am
:: Music: G. Stefani
OMG
Its only six thirty in the morning time is so slow. i wish i could do something. god damn.
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow?
|
sweetyas
|
::
2005 15 July :: 5.45am
:: Music: Foo Fighters
Movie Nights
So in these so called movie nights we no longer actually watch movies. Its sorta funny. But i actually like these movie nights better we just hang out pretty much. We just sit and talk.. Well yesterday we sat and talked and cooked it was exciting. i finally got my brother and his friends out of hte house but ofcourse he didnt come home till later but whatever. i dunno i have absolutely nothing to do. i just cant go to sleep and i've been finding this is happenin gmore and more often. alright nothing exciting is happening i get to work 40 hours for like three weeks now and so that just makes me tired. but in one week we had two people quit. The frirst perosn just never showed up saying he had research for school so my boss called him up and said show ulp or else you lost ur job and he never showed up. Ther other person just left a voice message saying she isnt coming ever again after five months of training her.
im done.
night. or actually morning.
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow?
|
sweetyas
|
::
2005 13 July :: 10.18pm
YOu know ur a loser when...
Theres a party at your house and ur not invited. I hate my brother for putting me in this position. I'm seriously considering taking up smoking, i hate him so much.
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow?
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2005 12 July :: 11.43pm
:: Mood: sleepy
so im staying up for justin to sneak out but am so tired its tough.
i dont have to work til one though so no worries. i dont hve to get up early.
but justin and i are just friends...i promise.
i painted spencers wall with the opeth symbol today....twas fun.
it took me three cds plus some time for that.
i just remembered i know yet another person going to columbia, with whom i actually might hang out.
i was thinking about social life next year....and if college doesnt bring anyone, sandy and patrice and kristen are still here.
and i need a new job so i can quit chuck e cheese. i need to badly.
alright i guess thats it. g'night, then.
Are you a purple cow?
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2005 11 July :: 10.02pm
:: Mood: nothing
I'm being childish. Today should not have gone the way it did.
I'm going to give Melanie her present and say I have to leave because I really just don't want to be around people.
I launched an attack that ended in massacre. Damn flies. I swear they are in the vents.
I got in a fight with my mum. I was fine until she started yelling at me about how my teeth cost too much. Why does she do that? It really isnt fair. I've calmed down now, which is why this is hardly a rant.
I saw Neil today. We talked for about an hour. About nothing. Like always. I'm such an idiot. I'm doomed in terms of a husband. He'll be just like my mother. He'll be an idiot and smoke and get drunk every night and mistreat his kids. Or maybe that's me.
I'm going to the park now. Work tomorrow.
2 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2005 11 July :: 1.50am
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: hummmm of comp
Jorie's Lament; Track 7, 32 minutes.
I'm sorry if you're actually reading this. If you don't want to hear me complain, I suggest you stop now.
I wrote this yesterday, well, I guess two days ago considering its nearly two AM.
My mum was talking on the phone:
I can't stand listening to her talk. Maybe becuase it's slow and unitelligable. "um...if you want something...um...to...um scare you, then it's not to see."
She talks about Shaun and how my accomplishments couldn't compare. Maybe I don't like unitelligable company at all. Brenden didn't impress me and Bobby and Mike are just annoying to me. I treat Gayson like shit but how could I not?
If one can open his mouth and tell things that no one cares about so often, he deserves it. He's nearly as self centered as someone else I know. More annoying than everyone else that I've ever been annoyed by. I'm just turning in,hiding things from even my best of friends. I scratched out just because that makes the request sound simple. Not someone, just for myself, but some who I don't feel like I'm intruding thier life when I talk to them. I work a lot. I should actually work more. I don't think I'm making nearly enough. Forty hours sounds right. What if I worked Chuck E. Cheese 6-Close four nights?
It ends. I started doing mAtH with how much I would make. It's really frustrating because I feel incredibly limited and so therefore I'd rather just work. There's this odd balance in which you can't spend too much time with people because they'd either prefer to spend it with someone else or they have no one else to spend it with and therefore you just get aNnoYeD. Regardless, here's the other that I just wrote about twenty minutes ago. We've had mass amounts of flies in our house lately, and everyone's frustrated but my brother asked my mum where they're coming from considering she's the only one ever home and she took it as he was blaming her. I spent the next twenty minutes chasing flies. I killed seven.
She is the furthest from fair. Not to mention her inconsistent and horrible parenting. If I'm grounded for two weeks, that's how long it should last. Not until the alcohol wears off. A curfew one night, and then not until two weeks later. I'm sick of getting blamed for everything, too! "This is because of your room! You don't tell me wehre you're going or when you'll be home." Yes, I do. You don't listen or remember! You don't even know when I'm home. My whole life I've had to do things for myself because I couldn't wait around for you. A minor should not need two jobs so she can buy shampoo because it takes you two weeks to read the fucking list. And then, when I cry because something in my social life isn't right, something which I'd rather piece together and deal with myself, and you won't let it float away because you want to know why. Maybe I want you to care when I'm hungry or when I hate my job or I did well in school. Maybe it'd be nice to be prided and SHOWCASED every so often. Not excessively, but like you care. Like you're not jealous. Like you know I'm goining places you never did. Maybe you could leave your jealousy behind for ten minutes and notice that my shelves are perfect and organized but the things on my floor have no place on them, and that I am not the one hosting flies in my room. I want to tell you how much I hate you, but at the same time, "you're a butterfly under the glass; beautiful, but you're not going anywhere." I want you to be in a HOSPITAL because I want you to get clean and live again.
The flies are hosting on you. You are the only decomposing meat in this house. Everyone else bustles about at high speed, but you sit and rot in your garage with the dog waiting patiently beside you for your heart to stop so she can actually be fed on time.
I dislike such immense lament toward anyone, but in a surprising turn of events, everything seems to be going so crappily right now and I'd rather this summer just end so that I can learn and meet new people in college. I was thinking about taking some classes at CLC as well so that if I decide that aRt is not for me, I can try to be a teacher. I think English would suffice, considering people get so frustrated with me for correcting them.
I really don't want to complain to anyone because they'll want to tell me to shut up because, really, my life isn't so bad. I do have a job and friends and a home and food and money to buy things, but socially, I'm currently sucking, and even one job is dead , the other has about a month and a half left.
I learned about Caesar's invasion of Gaul today and am going to continue my "Into the West" and learn about buGs tomorrow morning. Then I'll go to the dentists. Woo!
Sweet dreams of larvae invested liver and puky sugar water. G'night.
Are you a purple cow?
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2005 5 July :: 5.31pm
two months...i've liked this kid for two months. i have to ask him if theres a chance because hes so confusing that i just dont know now.
Are you a purple cow?
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2005 5 July :: 5.19pm
so life hasnt been extremely interesting although i did just type this giant thing on kristens comp so ill post it just because i dont have anything interesting to say although it is quite fun to type again! i miss it much!~
I wanted to write you a story. I thought of what I could write about, and my empty head was soon being drilled by the pulsating ringing that is made by the computer beside my head. It’s difficult to pick a topic that isn’t cliché, mostly because cliché is what has been written about before again and again. That’s what life is though; what people know.
So, in my quest for a great idea, I thought about my life. How interesting is my life, though? It’s a mess of memories that have been heard. An alcoholic mother, a dad who’s been away more than around, a brother who would beat up on me and now we get along. Yet another soap opera. Soap operas, of course, are the essence of life. Junior high, high school, home life, college days, days at the office, your pathetic minimum wage job. If it isn’t a soap opera, it’s an eternal comedy sketch, depending on your perspective of life’s ridiculous quarrels.
Let’s explore the not so common experiences. Say your life is like a horror flick. All lack of probability excluded, you’re out with your friends and oh, my! The news report on the radio station that you never listen to but happen to stop on while flipping through the channels informs you of a serial killer on the loose, which, by the way, would never happen, considering teenagers have every station they’d ever care to listen to memorized by heart, unless, on the rare occasion, they’re on a road trip, in which case, they would have a tape or CD. Johnny says he has to pee and the pathetically paranoid girl decides that everyone must fret about the escapist. “Oh, dear,” says Johnny, “I’ll hold my pee for three more hours while we run around town from this stupid man with a knife, who in all likelihood, would probably trip on his dumb ass and kill himself before he would actually catch you. Besides, why in God’s name would this man you’ve never met decide on you as his prey. Honestly, killers usually have an idea of who they’re going after as a form of revenge, not hostile ideas like those exemplified in Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. Even he has a motive, which is the wall that needs blood to keep it thick. Of course, his hatred of humanity allows him to continue rather than just to move from the house. Regardless of motives and ideas, have you ever noticed how the highest rating movies are those of such impossibility?
People are bored with their soap opera lives, so much that they will watch others pretend ones for hours on end. Obviously, they are pretend and a half ass actress with a name for her character from an ancient tribe in Peru could have all the family problems of you and your seven friends on her own because her mother married Todd’s brother and she happens to be going out with Todd but then his kid is Jessica’s but she was a whore at that time but it’s all in the past but it’s not because then Jimmy comes back from the dead. How realistic.
Every so often though, you’ll run across a good book that doesn’t only play on human stupidities but goes in depth to the human psyche, which is a difficult topic for anyone to understand. However, you are still only reading into one persons opinion and a good majority of people will buy into that authors ideas as well and two others and therefore focuses in on a very close minded opinion of whatever it is. Rarely, you’ll find a person who can read the underlying meaning of those books and piece together their own opinion, both absorbing and disposing of the ideas that have been written down. These are intelligent people. I am not one of them.
That’s my spiel. It’s really not that great but it’ll entertain you about as much as a five hundred page romance novel. Good day!
Are you a purple cow?
|
Pixeldot
|
::
2005 23 June :: 8.06pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: World at Large - Modest Mouse
---
Ice age heat wave, can't complain
If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan.
Gone to find another place, maybe one I can stand
I move on to another day
A whole new town with a whole new way
Went to the porch to have a thought
Got to the door, but then I just couldn't stop
Don't know where, and don't know when
But I've still got my words, and I've got my friends
Walk on to another day, work a little harder, work another way
Well uh-uh baby, I ain't got no plan
Gonna float on, maybe would you understand?
The days get shorter and the nights get cold
I like autumn, but this place is getting old
Pack my belongings, and I head to the coast
It might not be alot, but I feel like I'm making the most
The days get longer and the nights smell green
I guess its not suprising, but its spring and I should leave
I like songs about drifters - books about the same
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane
I walked on off to another spot
I still haven't gotten anywhere that I want
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?
Moths beat themselves to death against a light
Adding their breeze to the summer nights
Outside, water-like air was great
I didn't know what I had that day
Walk a little farther to another plan
You said that you did, but you didn't understand
I know that starting over's not what life's about
But my thoughts are so loud, I just can't hear my mouth
My thoughts are so loud...
----
This song really reminds me of Stunkel. Anyone who knows him well enough would agree, I think...
Are you a purple cow?
|
goose
|
::
2005 20 June :: 11.58pm
Im going to Mexico tomorrow...i wont be around for a while, bye everyone, if that matters
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow?
|
sandatthebeach
|
::
2005 16 June :: 11.25pm
:: Mood: determined
How about making a new friend today? Seriously, look around. Even better -- look outside your comfort zone. A new, interesting friend might be just the lift your spirits need.
I'm actually somewhat social at work...yay for me!
I suck at this game :-( Life isn't fair sometimes......oh well.
Always, Sandy
Are you a purple cow?
|
pixeldot
|
::
2005 11 June :: 9.36pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: Feel Good Inc. - Gorillaz
I've had a dream about Stunkel every night for the past 4 nights. No bad dreams, nothing with him dumping me or being mean, every dream has been about us getting back together or going on a nice date.
I found riding in the back of Jorie's car on the way to the Kays Place concert to be extremely hard, because my mind associates it with reaching over and grabbing his hand. And while part of me was shaken with the realization that I may never feel that again, another stronger part was really happy that I was able to experience that kind of joy in the first place.
Its taken a while, but I think I'm finally coming to terms with it. Thats not to say that I'm not going to hope that when he feels ready for a relationship that he'll turn back to me, or that I can even find anybody else right now even remotely desirable (Honestly, most of the time I have a mental list of people I'd say yes to if asked for a date, but right now I wouldn't consider *anybody* but him.) But I'm coming to terms in that I'm able to smile at the past.
Are you a purple cow?
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2005 6 June :: 9.11am
just wanted to annotate the new boy intrest.
of course, like the others, i dont believe its going anywhere.
kristen disagrees.
stunkel decided he's celery, because of peanut butter.
how ridiculous.
some people are furious at stunkel but hes just a kid, i dont know how people dont understand. havent they heard him make up stories? he lives in his world where things are his way, probably so he doesnt have to face the world. we all do it, but different ways. some people focus on the unimportant and whine about it a lot and others just ignore it and some mope about it and still others rub it in peoples faces that thier lives are worse and some just get frustrated after a while and take it out on someone else.
i dont think i could ever be mad at stunkel. the thing i love the most about him that ive never seen anyone do is that he can be so utterly disappointed in himself and depressed, but he will do his best to make everyone around him smile, whether they're already in a good mood or if they're not doing so well.
i'd hate to compare him to a dog, but its really the easiest because cats dont like people. sometimes he barks a little too much and it makes you say "shotzy, be quiet, mummy's doing her tai chi"(see that 70's show), but he plays with you an has endless energy and is a companion and through your blurry vision, you catch a glimpse of his tongue as a warning to close your eyes when you're sad. and he just makes you feel like at least someone cares.
i wish everyone could see that in him. but some people dont see much good in anyone.
Are you a purple cow?
|
|