mudpiegrl
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2006 10 May :: 9.18pm
Know what I love? Pressure. It’s awesome. Of course there’s the whole “do well in school” that everyone has. At least I’m in school, though, as opposed to some people. Then there’s the “you don’t do anything”. That’s fun, too, because when you’re never home, you’re clearly doing nothing. “You’re so messy. Why don’t you clean?” I’m sorry, am I impeding on your space? “When are you going to go running, Jorie?” Fuck you. I’m allowed to be a fat ass. After all, you are too. “You’re wearing that?” Yes, I am. I either don’t care or quite like it. Besides, I’m too fat for your fasionista attitude. “Hanging out with Q and Kristen are not going to help you get better.” Maybe not, but they’re my friends if it’s ok with you. “Don’t you have any friends at college?” No. I don’t like people at college. They have entirely different priorities, like being famous and experimenting with drugs and high school drama. “You’re not trying hard enough.” You’re right. I’m not. I’d love to spend all day doing artwork, but I have no means to experiment with the mediums I want. Nor do I have the time for it. “How are you going to pay for that?” With my money. From my job. That I actually have. “You’re never home.” Yea, I’m busy. “When are you going go-carting with us?” When I have a moment to be home/do homework/art/lose weight/clean my room and car. When I’m done with all that.
I love my family. They want me to be just like Tyler. They know damn well when he was eighteen he wasn’t doing shit. They don’t want me to be like him. They want me to be like twenty-five year old Tyler. Well, that’s nice and all, but I'm not Tyler. I'm Jorie. And I'm sorry that I'm not what you want. I'm not sorry I'm me for me. I'm sorry I'm not the perfect clone.
I'm sick of crying. I've cried nearly every hour of the day today. And I'm tired. I want to sleep.
Are you a purple cow?
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sweetyas
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2006 3 May :: 1.31am
:: Music: dance dance
So i dunno i havent written here in forever. u guys know i only write here when im either super excited or super not happy...depressed is not the right word cuz i dont know what depression is. Anyway...im just frustrated. im the type of person that when i go into a friendship or consider u a good friend (like best type deal) i tell u everything...im open like that. i dunno this week i just dont feel like my friends are like that adn it pisses me off...but i decided if someone doesnt feel comfortable telling me something then they dont have 2.
i mean its their choice. but w/e. im just havin a lot of trouble wit school and bein sick so everything is gettin to me...it wont be a big deal in like a week so whatever. i shoudl be writing a 1000 word ethics paper but honestly i dont care about st. aquanis!!! damn jesuits!! :) i was gonna somethin else but i forgot. OH...so i asked one of my friends to read my paper and edit it and she didnt. ive read atleast three of her papers...but w/e i wont do that for her anymore its not fair. she i dunno i understand where she comes from however im not a good writer not even close so
i hate people cuz i hate lettin them in...it always hurts cuz they will injury u at some point in time and its just sometimes not worth it. but i guess it makes u stronger and its nice to feel loved when u do! well. i really gotta write this paper.
:)
Yasamin
3 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2006 2 May :: 3.02pm
ugh. just like everyone else, am stressy. school ends next week and i have so much i should be doing rather than typing in here, but im not right now because i just got home from school and im tired. i have to finish my costume and get patrice's bday present before friday. i also want to go get new clothes but that wont happen until next paycheck. but also, we need to look for apts. patrices mummy is being nice and looking for us, so that's helpful. im going to ask brittany/yoshi/joey and q if they want to live with us because amanda decided not to and patrice is okie with it. that would make things cheaper, assuming they have jobs and could pay the rent.
in other news, i was called a neanderthal last night, see my xanga for more extensive info.
oh yea. i really want to lose some weight this summer. i really packed it on this winter.
2 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2006 27 April :: 3.20pm
I am so happy that Patrice is my friend. She basically rocks. Much better at rocking she is than me.
Poor me. If only I could be as rocking.
Oh well, I'll have to live my life one day of Peter Frampton after another.
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2006 25 April :: 12.29am
:: Music: new pornographers, nada surf, belle & sebastian
this was begun as a result of a past entry here that begins "this is a rant about god". ServusDraconis: The one big gripe that I have with "The Three Religions of the World" is the arrogance of their creators and followers.
battlestarre: i keep thinking of stuff
battlestarre: omg me too
battlestarre: they all say that there's only one god to worship in entirety, but then say that theirs is the only one and tell you your religion is wrong
ServusDraconis: Well, I was mentioning the fact that in Islam, Christianity, and Judaism, the idea that all living things are subserviant to man.
battlestarre: i hate the whole prospect of religion. it's interesting and definatly plays a huge part in our actions and history, but i really do only think it was something we created to feel like we arent alone.
ServusDraconis: But you're right there as well.
battlestarre: yea.
battlestarre: theres a george orwell quote...
ServusDraconis: And Christianity is a breeding ground for irresponsibility.
Auto response from battlestarre: All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.
George Orwell
battlestarre: it applies to every arguement alive
ServusDraconis: Mainly because there is no idea of cause and effect.
ServusDraconis: There is wrondoing, but no equal and opposite reaction.
ServusDraconis: Just wrongdoing, and then...
battlestarre: yes, agreed.
ServusDraconis: repent!
battlestarre: more wrongdoing, in retaliation
battlestarre: pf...it's just so you feel better about yourself though. if it's truely a sin, there is no repent
ServusDraconis: So you can commit all the sins you want, because Christ died for them, so he's already payed your dues as well as his.
battlestarre: yea, exactly.
ServusDraconis: I like to think that I'm an open minded person, but this is the general trend that I've observed.
ServusDraconis: And the more I read, the more this view prevails.
battlestarre: see, this is what i mean. even my friend, who is hardcore christian...the second person who defends me...agrees that humans have played the idea up so much and it's more worshiping an idea of selfishness than an idea of a presiding being
ServusDraconis: Oh, wow, I'm confused.
ServusDraconis: I need to actually read this posting instead of simply screening it.
battlestarre: the thing that frustrates me the most abotu that persons response is that they were like you're wrong, but im not saying your wrong
battlestarre: and they also said, you need to look more into it...as if i randomly state something i've heard and have not thought about
battlestarre: even worse because i spent so long at a catholic school
ServusDraconis: Yes.
battlestarre: and while it's quite the coincidence that cultures tend to follow the same trends within their very different religions, it doesnt mean it's true.
battlestarre: nearly every culture in the world has pictoral dragons in the history, but that doesnt mean they're real or were ever real.
ServusDraconis: All I can say is that, when asked who the wisest man in all Greece was, the oracle at Delphi simply stated, "Socrates."
ServusDraconis: Yet, when asked Socrates stated, "I am not wise, but at least I know that."
ServusDraconis: Well...
battlestarre: :-). thats why he's wise
ServusDraconis: Dragon theory is a specialty of mine...
ServusDraconis: Exactly.
ServusDraconis: Which is why when asked about my religious beliefs, I always state that I am man, and such things are beyond my understanding.
battlestarre: hm.
battlestarre: i guess i have a very scientific view on things.
ServusDraconis: In what way?
battlestarre: and you know, it's strange because religion is a theory. science is a theory. math is a working theory. history is a story created with theory. life is a theory...and to say you believe so strongly is something so pliable, so subject to change...its so strange.
battlestarre: well, i see humans as being created just the same as anything else...and not by some dirt and gentle hands but by evolution, survival...because the idea is not just reminiscent in our everyday lives, but relentlessly pounding on our backs
ServusDraconis: They are all theories.
battlestarre: i see no creature as more advanced as any other, rather, adapted to it's surroundings.
ServusDraconis: And each theory, being molded of differing points, is tested within its own bounds.
battlestarre: a giraffe is no better than a camel because he is taller
ServusDraconis: However, theorists seem to think that their particular method of testing ought to be applied to all theories.
ServusDraconis: Indeed.
battlestarre: it frustrates me a lot when people talk about how humans are far more intelligent.
ServusDraconis: I know.
ServusDraconis: I've held conversation with animals.
battlestarre: and for the longest while, i simply believed that humans had, in fact, been regressing in their dependence on automation
ServusDraconis: They're very intelligent.
battlestarre: agreed. as've i.
ServusDraconis: I fed a snapping turtle yesterday, and was effectively communicating with him.
battlestarre: but recently i've come upon the fact that all animals have evolved and adapted to what they have. some are just happier with sticking to what they know works for them.
battlestarre: :-)
battlestarre: which is apparent everyday in the human world
ServusDraconis: All animals stick to what they know works for them.
battlestarre: humans have this consistant idea that innovation will progress them, but they still have incessent dependencies on everything that surrounds them.
ServusDraconis: I do believe humans are more beautiful than other animals in that they often pursue wholeheartedly things that, according to the laws of survival, don't work.
ServusDraconis: Yes.
ServusDraconis: It's a tragic beauty that only the best of humans have.
ServusDraconis: Though nature would call it stupidity.
battlestarre: and yet, i find it intimidating and admirable that creatures such as socrates and shakespeare and gandhi and dali and mozart have existed...to create such unnatural but beautiful ideas
battlestarre: (music and art and writing are just as much a philosophy as philosophy itself)
battlestarre: (or as i see it...)
ServusDraconis: Yes.
ServusDraconis: Indeed!
ServusDraconis: There are four areas of the human intellect.
ServusDraconis: History, Art, Science, and Philosophy.
ServusDraconis: History is the actual.
ServusDraconis: Art is the possible.
ServusDraconis: Science is the probable.
ServusDraconis: And Philosophy is the desirable.
battlestarre: and despite how i despise the insistance of progressiveness, i admit i am a part of it and contribute to it. i abhor anyone who simply lives only for themselves. but that is only appropriate for what we have been taught in such a young society.
battlestarre: i often wonder, in fact, believe that animals have similar societies, however, they feel it's unnecessary to actually build durable homes. they're intelligent to see that avoidence of natural disasters is impossible, and they're, in fact, necessary for the ecosystem to thrive.
battlestarre: i get the feeling they're laughing at our insecurities about the ability to live, the fact that we keep our weakest alive.
ServusDraconis: Yes.
battlestarre: and that we would attempt to sabotage ourselves while we live in such a pillowed world.
ServusDraconis: I admit I would do almost anything to avoid death.
ServusDraconis: Define progressiveness.
battlestarre: "life must be nice when you dont have lions chasing you ten miles til you drop from exhaustion." "yea...too bad they forgot what that's like."
battlestarre: that's the thing. is progress what humans have created? or is it keeping the creme of your species alive, creating a stronger, more resilient species?
battlestarre: it's a question i constatly struggle with.
battlestarre: constantly
battlestarre: society commonly defines "civilization" or the building of buildings and creating of interlocking residences and businesses as progress
battlestarre: however, while we are finding more ways to defend ourselves from the "wild", we're also ending up wiht mroe ways to harm ourselves
battlestarre: humans can be defined like the rings placed ceremoniously around a woman's neck in some african tribes. they build until they are hte only support, and if you took them off, the neck, which was once made solely for supporting, can no longer do even that.
ServusDraconis: Philosophy fascinates me.
ServusDraconis: Yet I try to leave it to the philosophers.
battlestarre: i dont even see it as philosophy. it blends in with sociology and psychology and science for me.
battlestarre: and you cant have any of that without history.
ServusDraconis: I'm just trying to help as many people as possible to live rich, meaningful, lives.
battlestarre: that's why i love learning
battlestarre: and art without history doesnt exist, nor history without art
ServusDraconis: I am the same way.
ServusDraconis: Yes.
...
ServusDraconis: Did you know that General Eisenhower didn't go to college, yet he read all kinds of books and educated himself.
ServusDraconis: And his mastery of the battlefield was gleaned from reading things like Thucydides and Caesar.
ServusDraconis: He believed that he was re-incarnated from warriors who fought and died in these battles.
battlestarre: no, but that's interesting. if we didnt need the fuckin' paperwork to get good jobs, i wouldnt go to school either. i'd rather learn faster tahn we do in school
ServusDraconis: Yes.
battlestarre: school is now purely an institution to instill behaviour that is appropiate to society.
ServusDraconis: I agree.
ServusDraconis: It used to exist to create a societal elite, but no longer.
ServusDraconis: Not since "capitalism" and "socialism" took over.
ServusDraconis: Now everyone is the same.
battlestarre: i disagree, to a certain extent.
battlestarre: everyone has the same ability to learn. honestly, i dont believe that the majority of people who have learning disorders really do, it's just they weren't taught to "learn" the same way the other half of the kids were.
battlestarre: i think everyone has the right to learn, despite the fact that it's a strictly vain attempt at progressing.
ServusDraconis: Yes, and by giving "everyone" that right, it drains much of the sustenance of the idea of higher education.
ServusDraconis: Because the masses take advantage of it, and pass the system's requirements without actually becoming more educated individuals.
3 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2006 24 April :: 10.49pm
so tonight kristen and mushroom came over. we were sewing...or trying to for a bit. my mum and brother decided to get sushi...and decided to have a family dinner...so they went home...
well, lemme tell you about this family dinner...
mum wouldnt let us talk because she wanted to watch twenty-four...so tyler and i were laughing about that. he asked, "so where's the part where we talk about our days?"
then they were talking about someone they saw at sushi masa, the restaurant we got our food at. and my mum didnt understand that i knew who she was talking about and that it's the same person's family who owns silk manderin. so she kept talking about it and tyler was like...ok, she gets it. watch twenty four. and she started talking about how she was going to go in the garage, but the reaosn we were watching in the house is because it was tivo'd there as opposed to the garage, where it was over. so she started throwing a fit
and left the room. what news, eh?
but whatever.
my monologue went strangely. i was so worried that i had underprepared and i didnt know it well enough, but strangely, i was in the group of more memorized ones. one girl didnt even try. she was avoiding it because she's terrible at memorizing...which is the most ridiculous excuse i've ever heard. why wouldn't you even try? the fact that it was more difficult made me try harder to get it down...because i know im not so great at memorization.
regardless...it was just the first thing and we have to continue working on it for the rest of the semester. woo. mine's depressing as hell, too. oh well...i actually just found a few things to relate to my own life and character. interesting, i suppose.
amanda finally gave me the bright eyes cds...but neither of them have bowl of oranges on them...and just hearing his voice made it get stuck in my head. but dont worry...i found it on radio blog club.
so i'm mostly carefree right now...im just paranoid that someone's mad at me or i did something wrong...it's a bit guiltifying, really.
kristen and i have been working hardcore on our costumes...it's going ot be fun. and im going to come back saturday night for patrice's party. it's going to be an awesome weekend.
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2006 18 April :: 8.30am
i haven't actually made a real post in here in forever.
class was cancelled. life is busy but boring. wake up-drive-yellow line-purple/red line-class-class-red line-yellow line-drive-home-eat-change-drive-work-break-work-eat-drive-sleep...start over. Read more..
i dont even know what time my next class starts. 9:30? 10?
click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click
but iuno wha to put there you could put a blue background just a ... hah hah ha h ah
clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack
.............inhale............exhale
click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click
.....zzzzip................................................rustle
.................bing bing.......................................bing bing
..............................vvverer vverer
life is interesting in the library...
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2006 16 April :: 8.37pm
im going to rant about god. im going to lay it straight out: i believe god is an idea that humans created to explain exsistance. it's straightforward, i think. i have yet to have someone really full-out argue with me. i think we've reached a point in our culture that it's completely acceptable to "believe" in god, but still doubt the idea. outside of church anyway.
patrice and i were discussing fate. some people argue that god has control over everything and from the moment we're born, knows our mistakes and successes and the moment we'll die (q related this theory to playing the sims ::click:: write rant about god ::click::). however, there are other's who believe god only initiates life, which would be the domino effect; flick the first and watch the rest fall.
the thing that kinda gets to me is not the indecision among the human race, nor the insistant denial by those i've talked to (because, as i said, most agree), but the fact that someone can say...yea, i suppose i look at it the same way, but later, in the same sentance, can say...im going to church, but im probably going to burn when i walk in the door.
do you sense the confusion in this person's head? sadly, this happens a lot.
8 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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goose
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2006 12 April :: 2.52pm
why did i bother coming to this site today? why am i bothering to write here? the only people that know about this, and could possibly read it all hate me. so why am i here? dont know... there are a lot of things i dont know.
i do know what im doing right now and i know what im going to do next, and for the rest of the evening. that i do know... i dont know why i haven't called kathryn back yet either. i told her i would and i want to but i just havent...
i really dont know why im writing in here... you all hate me anyway no matter what i do
Are you a purple cow?
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sandatthebeach
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2006 10 April :: 12.26am
:: Mood: disappointed
...
Maybe I'm the only person in the entire world who thinks that it's a good thing to be untouched.
But it's ok, it'll be ok, life moves on...and my brain fries so that I can't think anymore.
KABOOM!
There goes my brain. No more thinking.
Goodnight ladies and gentlemen.
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2006 2 April :: 4.31pm
sleeeeeeeeeeep would be reaaaaally nice...
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 29 October :: 2.54pm
No where is safe. they're like cheering zombies, squeezing between and smashing against each other mindlessly, collecting confettis from the ground and watching in amazement as paper falls. PAPER! Covering everything, like snow! and screams and yells fill the spaces not yet occupied by the adreniline filled bodies. and all around me they are eating! Stuffing their mouths and talking of victory as an army would, unconcerned with decency.
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2006 24 March :: 1.06pm
it's strange, hanging out with my brother. i quite like it, but it's weird. i feel bad because everytime, i dont have monies and so he pays. i plan to pay him back though. im going to take different bills and fold and roll them and create a little city of htem. it'll be super awesome.
patrice and i took a road trip and ill put the story of that up as soon as im done with it. that's pretty much it.
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2006 14 March :: 6.15pm
i went back to smdp on friday wiht my mum. i went because i got free lunch out of the deal. for once, i felt like my mum was proud of me, however, not for the sake of being proud but rather to prove everyone wrong about me. they knew i got bad grades and was always late, so in an adult's eyes, i was not going anywhere. my mum took liberties with the short sentance "she sold a painting". surely, it's an accomplishment, to an extend, but it was bragging. i purposely try not to brag cuz i hate it. my old math teacher is now the principal and said he has a whole wall to fill if i want to paint him something. "something religious", but even mr. lally isnt religious...and if i did do something religious, i can guarentee it would not be a happy baby jesus or symbolic suffering.
beside that though, my week was hectic as hell. just trains being late and leaving late and locking my keys in the car at a parking garage and bleeding all over my pants so that i had to leave right after my first class. but my midterm was easy and this week isnt too bad, just lots of stuff to do.
spring break is soon. im working during the weekend and during the week im supposed to go apt shopping with trixy and make cheese and peas with her, too.
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2006 12 March :: 5.24pm
Carl Jung, within his archetypal theory, posed that the self holds more importance than any other archetype. He illustrated this by several symbols originated worldwide represented the self because, when looking at these symbols, one's eyes are drawn to the center. Read more..
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