mudpiegrl
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2003 6 November :: 8.40pm
la la la "neil"
hi! neil wrote me a poem/song after i asked him if he wrote his own songs....yea...well its not great but the effort is sweet!
I’m there lying on my bed
Thinking about you
Though you may not believe
Love you I do
My life has been complete
Since you’ve been a part
Every time I'm with you
I know you’re in my heart
I don’t want to be without you
Don’t even wanna try
When I think about it
It makes me wanna cry
I’ll be with you
No matter what you do
All I know is
I wanna be with you
8 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2003 6 November :: 8.35pm
*Zoe Jane*
um...these are just lyrics to a really pretty staind song:
Well I want you to notice
To notice when I'm not around
I know that your eyes see straight through me
And speak to me without a sound
Chorus
And I want to hold you
Protect you from all of the things
I've already endured
And I want to show you
Show you all the things
That this life has in store for you
And I'll always love you
The way that a father should love his daughter
When I walked out this morning
I cried as I walked to the door
I cried about how long
I'd be away for
I cried about leaving you all alone
Chorus
Sweet Zoe Jane (x2)
So I wanted to say this
'Cause I wouldn't know where to begin
To explain to you what I have been through
To explain where your daddy has been
Chorus (altered)
So I want to hold you
Protect you from all of the things
I've already endured
And I want to show you
Show you all the things
That this life has in store for you
And I'll always love you
The way that a father should love his daughter
Sweet Zoe Jane (x2)
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2003 6 November :: 8.32pm
{broomstick girl}
this is a poem i found on the beingirl website...its by this girl who recoved from anorexia...yea i like it.
She's a broomstick girl in a broomstick world,
Sweeping the minds of many.
Her dustpan ways will collect
The days of happiness-if any.
What a girl wouldn't give to choose to live
The model life she leads,
To give up the desires
That hunger inspires,
To have no essential needs.
Her mirror only reflects the many defects
That put her mind through hell.
When the toilet flushes,
All her blood rushes
But she will never tell.
She's a broomstick girl in a broomstick world,
Envied by all of her friends.
When she's finally pleased,
She will fall to her knees,
Accepting her life as it ends.
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2003 6 November :: 8.30pm
la la la "issues"
~fyi: i dont understand some of these myself~
people have issues. yes i used the word issues. not only to describe the problems they face everyday, and thru the weeks and months and years of their lives, but to acknowledge the issues of magazines they could possibly publish with the problems they emit. people are like machines...other peoples thoughts, feelings, actions, and words are put in...and once mixed together, the things combobulate to create a problem. several of these are made, over working the brain and making one belive he has an awful life. but people have different reactions and feelings because they put things together differently. one may take a group of things and create a huge, unnecessary problem from it, while another may take out everything possibly positve, making the person happier. since when did people get so ignorant that you must put everything into odd relations to make them understand?
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2003 6 November :: 8.29pm
la la la "confidence"
Where do people leave their confidence? It seems as if they care more about what other people think than they do about making themselves happy. If you died, the one who criticized you would live on, and making a change would never matter to them. If it was the other way around, and they died, what would you feel? You would not believe those things anymore if someone told you the opposite. Why does it take so much to make someone believe you when you tell him or her a positive thing about him or her, but only once when it is negative? Who decides what is wrong with us? Why are someone else’s problems important in your life? They do not affect you in anyway that is life threatening. Why does it matter? People today need more confidence. It isn’t something you can buy at a store, and not just one person can give it to you. It has to be given, like wind, in small gusts. And the sunlight shines through like love, warming the surface. And the light of the stars shows mercy in the dark sky. If we all had what the earth does, would we be happy?
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2003 6 November :: 8.28pm
la la la "fear"
It is far beyond me to feel the wind lash my face, to hear the voices of the past in the silence, to feel the fiery sensation of youth and joy once again. Oh, if I could see the clarity the Sun once gave me, and feel the spark the dewy grass once more. The freedom I desire is just beyond my reach.
I took a walk somewhere once, and upon my journey, I found a dog and a cat. The dog was a sharpei puppy and the cat an old Persian. They walked side by side, sometimes farther from each other, but all the time next to each other. The two walked and I followed closely behind. At one point, a frog emerged from the woods. The dog jumped and yelped in fright. He began to whimper and retreat from the path he was about to take. The cat pounced on the frog, not killing it, but upsetting it enough to return to the forest. They soon came to a stream. It’s common knowledge that cats do not like water. The dog continued to trot until the water’s edge. He stopped and lay down, allowing the cat to climb on his back. The cat braced herself for the unwanted trip. The dog swam faithfully across the river, tolerating the cat digging her claws into his head. Arriving on the other side of the river, the cat withdrew from the dog’s head by descending on the nicely made ramp by the dog’s sitting position. No words were spoken (in their language, of course), no nods exchanged, no acknowledgement of anything ever happening was illustrated. That night, I went home and wondered, why are people so insistent on payment that we must thank them for something they offered? What world do we live in that we must always fend for ourselves? We have fears, and our fears are not the same as others. We are helped by a friend, and expected to give them a word that means nothing. By saying “thank you”, you are doing nothing other then just speaking a phrase. It is returned with another phrase, also meaning nothing, used to acknowledge the supposed gratefulness and to tell the person that they didn’t mind. Yet, if the action was done, it was obviously not minded, and the words of gratefulness should be expressed in saving the person from their fear. By avoiding the frog with some help, you overcome obstacles you would never encounter had you not crossed the path of the frog. Once you see how to conquer the river, you may go on to demonstrate the same to another whose fear is the same as yours.
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2003 6 November :: 8.26pm
:: Mood: busy
:: Music: perfect circle
the past is haunting me...
...actually, i just need to empty out shit on my comp! lol yea...so i found some stuff and i put it on a cd but ill put it here too so thats what the next some many entries will be you dont need to read them. :-D
Are you a purple cow?
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sweetyas
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2003 5 November :: 10.57pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: B96
lkadjf eondklsaf eji
I think im going to blow up. I dunno why, it just feels like it. Like im loosing friends (my arab amigas) like i cant relate to tehm anymore and i gave up on trying. Its like everytime i try to talk to them or saying anythign its like NO, i dont wanna talk to u. I was trying to talk to one of them online the other day, and i couldnt get a convo going, so i just gave up and i was like AHHH, and i blocked her. Its easier that way. Then teh other one just changed so much, before she was all like nice adn friendly but now shes turned into an evil bithc, and i dotn want to loose her as a friend. I think i already lost her but i cant do anything more, ill survive. OMG Khadijah's leaving, shes really going to california, im going to miss her so much. I havent takled to her much, but omg i mgoing to miss her and her sister. Shes someone who knows whats going on and isnt stupid. Knows right from wrong adn gets ppl personality but she doesnt always do the right thing. Im gonna miss her mucho. Ramadan started, i love this month. Its liek teh best time of the year, i just feel so 'clean'. i need to define my boundries. Yes, its a thought btu if i knwe what i wanted adn where i wanna go then wouldnt i make the right choice and not go through the whole thinking process? Um, lets start with friends. Have freinds but not "best friends" or ppl liek that cuz htey ALWAYS disappoint u one way or another. Guys: no need, ill just go to Iraq adn find a guy there. Religion: Be me, learn more about what i want ot learn, do the whole sunday school thing, adn TRY to pray 5 tiems a day on tiem. Work: go to work learn and come back. School: i want and need straight A's ( i shud do my lit h/w). Brother: I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. hes such a freaking jackass adn he knows it. Ppl r liek why do u let him treat u that way? I know him, hes not that bad. Ignore him maybe? no i cant do that, ive tried it never works. Just deal, fight when i have to fight, and ignore when i can ignore. Paretns: just listen to them, dont say what u think or believe ull get knocked down. HOuse: just clean what u want and dont celan what u dont want. Hmm, im probably missing osmething. i dotn feel like im going to explode anymore. PHEW. Ohh, i watched this islamic show, it was decent, i saw for like the fisrt tiem in my life a cute arab guy ( his nose was of decent proportions). One of the signs of the day of judgement is a rose in the sky. Well some people think they saw it, u guys have to be willing to see it. http://www.dr-umar-azam.com/aspects_of_islam/
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2003 5 November :: 6.32pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: Disney!
ahh~!
GUYS I FEEL LIKE SUCH A RETARD! i cant find that girls journal and it made me smile to see it so i really wanna find it...too bad you cant keep your comments like you know, sent mail...yea.....::sigH:: i gotta work on my paper...i watched some of nemo in spanish today twas exciting!
4 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2003 4 November :: 9.56pm
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: "everybody wants KUNG-FU FIGHTING"
its eight fifty four!
what does complacent mean anyway? i dont know i just picked it...it sounds like its content, but you have stuff going on but you are just like ::shrug:: btw..i dont know if it is "everybody loves or wants" i cant figure it out.....i never really cared til just a second ago. um....yea...i like my subject! the time is never right on the journal so....like it says nine now...but tisnt! yes...ive been random journal searching.....i mean, doing my history project...::hums:: oo the song changed...its bambi~ on my disney mix! um....anyway...i was going to say that this one girls was super awesome! first, it was GREENand it had eeyore EEYORE! and her title is "Further Down the River", which unless am just nuts, is an incubus lyric! woo INCUBUS! ....okie well i was gonna type more but neil is here....talk later bye.
2 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2003 3 November :: 5.57pm
:: Mood: annoyed/playful/dazy
:: Music: PERFECT CIRCLE!
its a rainbow!
Greetings Virgo
Here is your horoscope for the week of November 3 through November 9
Both the Sun and Mercury continue to move through the sign of Scorpio, and both are making you aware of the need to communicate, and of the important things you need to say to certain people. This is highlighted by a Lunar Eclipse in Taurus, which puts the emphasis on your connections abroad, higher education and legal matters, as well as travel and vacations. A trip to another country could bring some crucial and exciting changes into your world, as could a person from another culture.
creepy how true it is...
erm yes....today i hardly had class! twas awesome! first period i fell asleep..second was a movie en espanol...third was group...fourth i got out early cuz another girl got a pass too ( was leaving fifth) and he just let us both out at the same time, so i wandered for a half hour...fifth, i was gone to lunch with tyler, sixth we did homework after quick notes...seventh i got a nine of ten on a letter i wrote for our group, fifteen of fifteen on a diary entry for Hester in The Scarlet Letter....so that was unusual...and eighth we started a new project so it was simple as all hell....for printmaking (if you knwo what that is) i am doing a spine....it looks cool. erm...have just been talking to jill, solved (i think) the halloween matter, then again, you can never know for shur what someone else is thinking; hell you cant even understand some of your own thoughts! trix i need help with this backgroundness...yup...candy is yummy too..erm....yes.....la la la!!! if you have time, or are bored or whatever....dL some perfect circle songs....theyre yummy! i personally like number three and nine on The Thirteenth Step....yes....okie loads to do ....later
Are you a purple cow?
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sweetyas
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2003 3 November :: 1.12pm
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: IRC sound
really good quote
see i was rereading my entries last night, just to see what chnaged in me and like i was OMG, the chnage within a week was like WOOOO. Yea, so anyway i reread myideas on perfection, and this quote came up today so im writing it:
"I have always been waiting for something better – sometimes
to see the best I had snatched from me."
--Dorothy Reed Mendenhall
2 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2003 3 November :: 1.18am
TRIX YOU ARE SO SHOWING ME HOW TO PUT ON A BACKGROUND IVE TRIED NEAR EVERYTHING BUT WAHT I NEED TO! HELP ME! OKIE SWEET DREAMS ALL....
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2003 2 November :: 11.44pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: PINOCCHIO
la la la
so i was absolutly right about dinner....but its okie cuz after that we played cards...and that lasted forever and a half...but twas fun...loads of swearing...yea...um....til tmro!
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2003 2 November :: 7.08pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: radio shit
happy fuckin thanksgiving to you too
my brothers in....and i forgot, half on purpose, because everytime he comes in i already have a thousand things to do and i dont get to see him hardly except for a hug when hes leaving. so finally, i told everyone no am not doing anythin to spend time with him and he kept doing other stuff so i got pissed and came up stair so i didnt blow up on anyone and we have to have thanksgiving cuz he cant come in for thanksgiving or christmas so were having family time. i got bored up here and couldnt hear him anymore so i went downstairs and asked if i could do anything and started the cranberry sauce...my mum had cards so i asked if we could play...so we start playing and she was teaching me this game and my dad starts talking...about christmas and vacastion and shit...and i listened, i definatly heard, but hes telling me that we can either go to vancouver, which he isnt fond of to see my entire extended family, or we can go someplace nice out of the country. i want to see my family so bad but he doesnt want i dont give a shit waht the weathers like....he probably doesnt care because its not his family and wahts left of his family, his mother, sees us twice a year nearly...its so fucking pisses me off...i cant decide that...so i didnt answer nor did my mum because how do you decide between your family and a nice vacation on the spot like that? and so two minutes later my dad goes "omg theres a mouse in here" and so am thinking oo is a gerbil...myn cuz she got out the other day...and he goes "that got your attention" am like you ass! you want me to choose that? waht am supposed to say? and earlier jill was tleling me to do my paper! everyone i understand tha i need to do homework but i cant do it..i start and if i force mysefl to write a paper, it is shit, so much that i might as well not even bother turning it itn...i hate when my friends get on my back about it...its like there is no escape from nagging and shit....arrrrgggggggggggggg and neil is coming to dinner
i dont want him to come...i really dont....its hard enuf to talk to my brother and now ama be left out cuz the four of them will talk about cars...or at least the three of them and my mum will eat....or somehow join....or my mum and dadll talk about something and tyler and neil will talk about music....and ama be left out cuz am patient and i dont change the subject if i dont understand it....am an idiot but if someone is talking about something am not going to ruin thier fun! arrrrrrrrg am soooooo mad....ama fail all my classes! ama be a fucking loser living in my parents house til am thirty and not go to college and die by drugs or some disease...am sorry to nick am sorry to jackie its really hard to accept people right now cuz am just so frustrated with myself so once someone is out its a little more relieving like i felt so relieved when hul broke up wiht stacey and it seems stupid to base emotions on other people but its true because they come and talk to me which i dont mind but sometimes i wish they would listen too! the only way you can people to listen is cry....or when they ask how you are tell them you feel like shit. i feel bad for neil cuz sometimes i get so pissed off about everything that i just cry and he doesnt know what the hell to do with tears! its like giving a tiger a fork! this week i have been crying so much i cant help it the littlest shit brings tears to my eyes...like last night wehn jill assumed i was going with laura and that i was calling her as a second rather tahn because i was scared i was going to not go...when we had fucking plans and if neil didnt have sandys number or she hadnt said that thats why jill was mad i wouldnt have gone to do something that i really wanted to do all week. my costume was so fucking wet by the time i got it on cuz i was so upset then i thought neil forgot about me cuz after he said he was coming it took him like an hour arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggg! i know people arent against me but i just want to be free i guess. of responsibility of everything. my dad just came in "mum needs you to set the table" 'k, be there in a minute' "you okie?" 'yea am fine' "you dont sound fine" 'am' "you shur" 'just leave me alone!' i cant stand it! he jsut finished being an ass, the reason i ran upstairs and hes trying to be all sympathetic......??????? arrrrrg ama go set table .........more later, am shur
Are you a purple cow?
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