Will elitists ever get over themselves?
Honestly I don't think they will. They act liek everyone else is so inferior to them. They won't even look at you let alone give you the time of day. Of course for sense for all of you out there dealing with elitists in high school, it gets better. Most people are friendly, if there not you can always avoid them. Mostly because they don't seek you out to mock because why should they care about your insignificant life? Well at least that's the way that they see it.

Life views just rock, especially when they are going good. I have no qualms anymore about having a relationship. It is not going to happen, but it has just given me reason to look back on my past relationships and look at them in a new light. And by following the "Only Connect" theory, it all makes sense. Pyschology, Lib studies, Crystal, small group, all connects to make me look at the relationship that I was in. The fundamental fact that the relationship was so out of balance, that seeking balance is everything and we were too concentrated on the passionate side of our romance was not healthy. We had good beginnings for the rest of the relationship, but we concentrated too much on that.

Why does the muscle under my eye keep contracting? who knows.

What if the elitists actually lost everything and realized they were so much inferior to the rest of us?

I know painful isn't a mood but......
The left side of my jaw aches. I think it's because my ears are pluggged, more so one the left side than the right.

What a beautiful day outside. Too bad we're spending part of our marching band period inside. It's the best weather that we've seen in a few weeks.

So I have to sign up to be a lab rat for graduate pyschology students. But the website that you use to sign up for it, sends you your information to log in a couple hours after you submit your info. It's not instantaneous or anything. Then, if you don't log in within three days your password expires. And as of now, it's giving me some error message about how I can't log in. I hate some of the things people come up with.

I came up with a new yelling cheer when we're on defense at teh football game. Since we all have to yell very loud to distract the opposing offense, I had been screaming my tuba name, Frotch'dy B'Jay (in short, Frosty). But Saturday night I came up with a new one: DON'T FORGET ABOUT THE PURPLE MONKEYS! As if the purple monkeys even care about a football game but I con't guess a situation where invoking their presence would not be beneficial.

I wonder if I can make it through this horrendously long day. Wake up @ 7am, drive here, have class from 9am-9pm. After that I drive to work. Work from 10pm~1pm. Go home and go to bed. So that means when I left home @ 8am that I would not return for 17 hours. Not only that but I have to get up tomorrow and be to work at 10am. It don't get much better 'dan 'dis.

How many times is life ironic? Let me count the ways.........
1. The girl I fell for is engaged.
2. The largest influence in my political science class is from the left. This being in a largley conservative community, with me, a conservative in the class.
3. I come from a town that celebrates red underwear, yet I've never owned a pair in my life.
4. Despite all appearances, maturity is an overall mindset and not a brief glimpse.
5. Life can be summed up in a few words. But a few words will never make it through life.
6. Love and hate are on an equilibrium. If you love something too much in the beginning, you will hate it even more when it ends.
7. Why does it take a conscious effort by a group of women to be successful (feminism) when men have just stumbled upon it?
8. When human worth is measured in terms of dollars, it is said to be evil. When populations are viewed in terms of new markets, it is called economics.
9. How come politicians and lawyers are labeled evil for playing the game of politics when stock brokers earn more money from playing the game of monopoly on a grand scale?
10. And isn't it ironic that there is a black fly in my chardonay?

I like boots. Boots are nice. I wear boots everyday. My boots are my best friends. They are my best fashionn accessory I except for my hats. What I really like about boots is when girls where them. Yes, definitey. Especially the ones with teh big heels on them when their wearing a skirt. Yeah, I definitely like those boots. Yeah. Yeah.

Is it true. Is everything that seems to be so apparent to me, apparent to everyone else too. Everyday I feel like I am losing the sense of who I am, what I am, and am being gobled up by larger groups. Instead of being defined as an individual I am defined as a member of a group.

Maybe it's just the general direction my life is heading in. I'm in a hurry all the time, but not in a hurry for certain things. I do want to take things slow and I'm glad, from what I have observed that the idea is mutual.

Monday, not another Monday. Our History prof promised to have our papers back to us today. No papers, we'll get them Wednesday. He's a bigger procratinator than his students are.

It will be so nice when this semester is over. No more mraching band, no more Saturday class. Just Monday, Wednesday, Friday. That and I can't wait for the break in between. Time off will be so nice.

Props to seniors. Last competition. Kind of a wierd instance but you'll be glad you're done. Just being there Saturday was special for me because you guys are the class I never had. The group of people who dominated every section of the band, except tuba and trumpet, and who I was able to make beautiful music with. I hope you all realize what talented muscians you are and what beautiful people you can be.

I also noticed that my life can be so unpredictable. It's nice not to have fallen into a patern or a set of people. That keeps me afloat and looking for new ideas. My guess is that every tie to home is ever increasing because of what has been going on. That's where my friends and my family are and that is the one place where I believe that I can relate to people the most.

Political surveys. I took a couple for my poli sci class. One said I was a libertatrian leaning left. Is that right? Or the other one that said I was conservative leaning toward authoritarian. How 'bout those beans? You tell me. My judgements are biased.

Wow, these drugs really work good. It's just my Claritin, but after having a runny nose all day yesterday, I took some this morning and my nose if clear as a bell.

Is this long? Too bad. It think by talking about absolutely useless things that it will help me figure out who I am while at the same time confusing the rest of you about what is going on in my life, possibly. Too many questions. I get answers and I just get more questions.

To think it's been just a little over a week. My questions about that were answered and as evidence by the five hours we spent on the phone that we both know what would be going on, and it's not going too fast, but it seems to have stagnated a little bit, which could be good considering the turbulent and swiftly moving nature of my only other relationship. I do not know, therefore leave me to myself, or drop in your own ideas.

Today, Tomorrow, and the Following Week
Last night was good. I thank God so much everyday that I was able to get into a small group like that down here. Last night we talked about taking one day at a time and not looking forward for ways to serve God. But asking everyday how can I serve Him today. A lot of times that is what I need to da because I'm so caught up in what needs to be done in the future that I lose perspective of today. When I lose perspective of today then I will not enjoy what I have now. I do not think there is anything in my life that I would change right now. It is not that I would not welcome change if it came, as it appears it might soon, but I do not seek it.

The two entries below this are just ideas that I'm getting together for my paper for my Lib. Studies class that I have to have done by Saturday.

As for answering some of my questions that I had concerning Crystal, she answered most of those last night. Now my only concerns are going too deep. For developing a corporial relationship that will separate me from my spiritual one. I guess I'll grapple with that some more, but I'll probably have to figure it out by tonight.

Yeah, really I should be in class right now. I'm skipping my freshman seminar class right now, actually I forgot about it. It only meets on Fridays, the teacher isn't even a professor and she say "yeah, mhm, mhm, yeah" whenever you are trying to give an answer, she assigns stupid pidly crap that I learned how to do in seventh grade. Last week we learned different forms of note taking, yeah. Like i haven't TAUGHT that to all the kids I've tutored. Other than that I had my History midterm today. It was only hard because all of the writing in such a short period of time. I can defintiely tell that I am too used to doing my writing on computer now because after about fifteen minutes of writing I started to lose feeling in my fingers because of the nerves being pinched off at the elbow. I got down to the third and final question about Hamiltonian programs and I almost forgot about the tariff plans so that would have brought my grade down considerably so it's a good thing I remembered.

I was so happy to see Crystal yesterday. Hopefully there not to busy at work and i can see her again today. I know that the rumor mill is going to get even bigger about the two of us. I don't see anything happenning in the immeadiate future, but I feel a connection with her. A connection that I haven't enjoyed with another person since June when I was talking with Jessica. It was nice seeing you too, Shari. You seemed a little shy. Anyways, everyone have peaceful weekend. I'll be doing band stuff Saturday, ugh. But I'll seeya'll around.

God Bless.

So I'm sitting here doing absolutely nothing. My nine am history class got cancelled today because the prof was sick. It really sucks too because we were suppossed to get our papers back today and go over what's going to be in the mid-term Friday.

Is it just me or have most of the things that have been wrong lately are all the sudden going right. There's no more mystery about Shari or Jessa being mad at me so that makes things a whole ton easier. Now I'm just waiting to be on at the same time Jessa is (if my stupid msn messenger starts working again), get am email from Shari (hint, hint), still waiting for "the" email frome Brianna, and I need to pray for Crystal. But despite all of this, I still have found no one in college to really hang out with. It sucks not having any friends here except in band. Everyone knows how crazy I am about music and how it makes me do wierd things so they only see that side of me. Hopefully we go on another away trip so we can stay up til all hours in the morning talking again. Oh well. The bonds to home are always strengthening.

And to add to the curiousness......
Friends seem to be more than friends, and other friends seem to be less so. Ties that were there are weakened and severed, but strengthened again. Life when it is bleak, now is so bright and full. And love by any name, if it is love, is still the same. The sole act of love keeps us from heaven, but also saves us from hell. Those who remain anonymous, have no voice, yet can be heard. History repeats itself, but life changes everyday.