Crimson Melodies

:: 2004 17 December :: 11.00pm
:: Mood: Emo
:: Music: Amy Lee- You

I are teh emo poet.
Since the other day
When I saw your radiant face,
My life has been in haze;
Obscured by your grace.

You make me feel like nothing is wrong;
You brighten up my days,
Like the harmony of a beautiful song
Singing out in wonderous praise.

I wish all my days
Could be spent like this-
When my smiles aren't faked;
When I'm in a state of bliss.

I haven't known you long,
But it feels like forever.
I can always tell you what's wrong.
Lie to you, I would never.

You have your little flaws,
Your addictions- they kill me,
But when I'm with you, they seem so small;
They're just so difficult to see.

I just want you to know,
That no matter what we go through
I'll never let go,
I'll always be here for you.

[/emo]

Goodnight, bitches.

PS- School dances suck. I wish I was black.

7 Executed Notes | Leave Note

:: 2004 17 December :: 5.10pm
:: Music: Disturbed- Down with the Sickness

For the love of God, and all things holy... MY ANUS IS BLEEDING!
Well, I have to say, I smiled more last night, then all the times put together in the past two weeks.

John and Randy have got to be the funniest people I know. I wish I could hang out with them more often.

I absolutely love these guys... It was great. John's frickin' crazy. A fake cow "gave him head", and he humped a giant nutcracker sign... Oh, and he made out with the Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas sign. XD Oh yeah!! And, I can't forget... He put his ass on the Abercrombie window.... :D

*points at sausage and laughs*
..Oh, and we mustn't forget..
*throws pack of M&Ms at some lady*
"I peed in your sink"

...And John... Wasn't it great walking out of the bathroom talking really loudly about your penis, to notice there's some lady with little kids right outside of the door?

Randy with his giant gumball... XD

But... about today. It was pretty good. Fraylor was at my break :)

Marcus, Jesse, and Fraylor aren't going to the dance with me anymore. ; ; (Fraylor might, actually...)

How about I'm going to beat the shit out of this dumbfuck? Tim pisses me off so bad, and has ever since elementary school... and today, he gets off calling me and Fraylor posers! (He had a messanger tell us this...) And when we got in his face about it, he was like "I didn't call you a poser, Freddie!

Tim, you're the one wearing about $200 worth of HotTopic clothes daily, talking about how you have money problems and how bad your life is...

You're the one wearing a fucking $75 trenchcoat that I got for about $20... (Yes, it's a girl's trenchcoat.)

..Talking about how you had it for 2 years. Bullshit. :)

I go now. Aisha Waisha is coming over. =D

:: 2004 15 December :: 3.25pm

I'm at school. We're doing some career thing. :)

I'm an ASR personality type, haha. ASSER PRIDE!!

Uh, I'm gonna be a singer I suppose...

John Livingstone is going to be a bus driver! Haha!

Today has been so funny. I'll update more later :)

:: 2004 14 December :: 8.15pm
:: Mood: Sick, but well.
:: Music: Phantom of the Opera techno mix ^_^

In sleep he sang to me, in dreams he came.
Another day gone by, and I'm still breathing. I'm hoping to maybe see people this weekend. Maybe get some Christmas shopping done. I have to go with Carly to voice lessons tomorrow, because we're singing in Asheville. -.-; I don't really want to.

Solo/Small Ensamble is coming up. Riel wants me to do a solo, I doubt that will go over too well. Maybe me and a small group can do the Phantom of the Opera song. I either want to do that, or Lullabye. :) Yay.

Had fun in a chat room today. I'm getting really sick, though. And I need to finish my notebook check... and some Science stuff. Haven't done my Math homework, but I'll copy someone's tomorrow...

*sigh* It's been a good day, I guess. I'm still feeling a wee bit down, but oh well. I'll get over it. I'm becoming more and more numb to this stuff. My heart is so callused, I'm beginning to just not care anymore. Really, maybe this is better for me... Those who I choose not to talk to, I will miss terribly, but I'll move on. I'm sure you will, too. It's not like I'm life-changing to any of them. I doubt they'll even notice the lack of conversation between us.

Then there's the few people who I would cease to breath without. My family (though it's somewhat tough at times), Aisha, John, and Keely. There are other people who are very dear to me, but these people are the most important people in my life right now, and I have love for them so deep that it can not compare to anything.

Carly, my sister is just great. I'm so open with her, and we can just be so stupid together. =) She makes living in this house so much more fun!

Aisha, who is hilarious. She seems like a little innocent kid, then she makes comments about ripping Eli's nuts off and feeding them to him... I've only known her for about a year, but it seems like forever. (Over-used line ^_^) ABC's during the hymns, haha!

Keely, my goth godess. Haha, just kidding, dear. We've been through some hard stuff... But we're still tight, although you don't talk to me that much anymore. Maybe we'll be closer again in High School...

John, I haven't known you that long... But I have to say, I can tell you anything. I love you so much, and I hope we stay friends for a very long time. Even though you're pretty far away, I feel so close to you. I don't get to see you much, but you're one of the best friends I've ever had.

And now, I realized that I'm not in a good mood. At all, really.

It's funny how that works.

:: 2004 13 December :: 8.01pm
:: Mood: Fuck.
:: Music: Brand New- The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

Andrew.
Well, yeah. Today was good, up until about 5 mniutes ago.

Graded how we did in the concert for chorus. Made brownies in Mrs. Yeoman's... Went outside for Mrs. Johnson's. Mr. Moore is always lax. Then Mrs. Connor's class was sooo funny. John was just like "pubic hair" right when it got quiet, and Megan goes... "Would you like to tell the teacher what you just said?" and the fire alarm went off. :) Then, in Mrs. Glasgow's, we had a sub. It was great. My class is fucking crazy. I'll probably be in trouble tomorrow, though.

Got home, talked on AIM for a bit, and when I went downstairs to clean the kitchen, Carlos called! We watched SpongeBob, haha. It was great.

Then, we went to dinner at Friday's. There was a weird lady wearing a green boa and reindeer antlers, and a shirt that said "vixen". She was like late 40's-early 50's... it was weird. She kept staring at me, and I kept looking back at her all wide-eyed. Then Carly, Calvin, Eli and my dad left me. So I rode home with mom, and talked to her about how things are going with school and stuff...

Then, I talked to Andrew. I haven't seen him in weeks, and well, I've had quite a few dreams about him lately. So, I told him. And his response was, "Oh, you do realize I'm back with my ex, don't you?" Well, no one had told me this. He completely misinterpreted what I meant about having dreams about him... Ugh, I can't believe him, though. No "I miss you, too" or anything. Just "Me and Blake are together again". I don't like him anymore, but it does hurt. All that time of "I'll never get close to anyone ever again" and "I'm not going to be with another woman all through High School" stuff, and rejecting me because of it... It really kind of made my heart sink. Whatever.

I'm just going to start getting people out of my life. Like Michael- I don;t belive I'll ever speak with him again, unless he iniciates the conversation. Right now, I don't even care about my CDs still being with him. Sure, I thought he was such a great friend, but he's so deceptive... (Michael, if you read this, then talk to me about it. I have alot to point out to you, my friend. There's a 1 to a million chance that you'll read this, though.) ...And Andrew. He just makes no effort to be my friend anymore. I try to start conversations with him, but he just never responds. And he never opened up to me. I spilled my heart to him, and he never told me anything about him.

These people are very special to me, and I will never forget them, nor will they leave my heart. I just can't take being caused so much pain, I really can't. It brings me to tears that I'd just stop talking to them completely, but I've lost all hope. I give up.

Are you fucking happy?

I need to talk to John. Bitch never updates his woohu. Nor does he comment in mine. ;_;

Well, fuck. Time for me to actually get some homework done... =/

:: 2004 11 December :: 6.41pm

Well... I need to get this down.

For the longest time I thought the taunting had stopped. I really let myself believe that people would just leave me alone about how I look. But, I guess, once again, I was wrong. I mean, I've known people have continually made comments about how I look, but not to my face. Recently it's been pretty bad. Sarcastic comments such as "good looking girls like Dana" have been made directly to me. There are two Dana's in my class, and she's referred to as the "skinny Dana" or, I'm the "ugly Dana". I'm just getting sick of it. Some of them don't even realize that I know they're making fun of me. That's even more of an insult, because that means they also think I am dumb. I can't wait to get out of that fucking Hell hole. I really hate it. Maybe things will be better at Hoggard. I really, really hope so. If not, then I'm not sure what will happen to me.

I really wish I wasn't so sad all the time. Why is it that every night pretty much, I'm either crying, or on the verge of tears?

:: 2004 11 December :: 3.32pm

Well, today I hung out with a bunch of 10-year-olds at an elementary school...

And that's all I have to say.

:: 2004 10 December :: 5.52pm
:: Music: Thrice- Blood clots and black holes.

Wouldn't it be funny if someone fell...
DYLAN'S BACK!! I told you guys, teachers lie all the time.

I sang my solo this morning for the entire 8th grade. It wasn't that good, because I was sooo nervous. But, whatever.

Nothing else good really happened... Until after lunch. We were waiting to get in the trailer for Math, and JT was sitting on the railing, and he fell. XD It was so funny, because, I had just been talking to Megan about how funny it would've been if someone feel.

Pretty good day. Got home. My trenchcoat was here :)

But then, I had a yelling match with my brother. =/ I hate how he thinks he knows more than me. He thinks he's so cool and badass... But I guess we all go through something like that around the age of 10...?

Blah. It looks like I'm not getting a new cell phone anytime soon. (My cell broke. ;_; It was like 5 years old.) Oh well.

I can't wait forever.

:: 2004 9 December :: 9.51pm

Sttillllle nacht
Well, alot of stuff happened today, and I can't really think of it because I'm zoning out...

Well, I read my journal entry from last night. I don't realize what I write when I get in one of those moods. I meant every word of it though, which frightens me a bit. I'm sure I won't go by it. I always give in. My weakness is that I care too much.

Chorus this morning. Mr. Riel informed us that we would be performing with the band tonight, so we had like 30 minutes to learn the part we had to sing. (Didn't go too well. Like no one showed up so like no one was puttting out any sound.) Some weird dude with really thick glasses and a Hawaiin shirt on was sitting on the risers with us... XD We're performing Firefly Darkness tomorrow... I'm nervous, because it's for the 8th grade. I hope I can be able to look at Mr. Riel while I'm singing my solo... It helps me alot.

Had a sub in Yeoman's, Johnson's, and Moore's. I looooved Mr. Moore's substitute. He was crazy.

Connor's and Glasgow's went surprisingly well. So it's been an alright day. I got like 4538247 billion hugs : ) Yay.

Listen to me...

I'll wait for you.
But I can't wait
F o r e v e r.

:: 2004 8 December :: 9.19pm

Well, I had written something that completely spilled my guts, that I put my heart into, but I'm not sure if I want him to read it anymore. Right now, I don't know how to feel.

Maybe useless is the right feeling... Whenever I try to help anyone, they just shrug me off their shoulders. I'm fucking sick of people and their bad habits. Then again, maybe anger or sadness would be the proper emotion. Maybe all three.

I fucking refuse to speak with anyone if they're intoxicated or under the influence of something anymore. I can't fucking take it. I'm sick of seeing the people I love fall apart because of this shit, and when I try to tell them that, they just forget it completely. I make no influence on them, because they think it's just fine.

I hate fucking sitting here in tears, knowing what will happen, and not being able to fix it... To see someone you love so dearly becoming an addict, it gets to you.

Just don't even fucking try to talk to me when you're messed up anymore.

I wish it was easier not to care.
I wish I could just forget about it still...

Why do I care so much now?

3 Executed Notes | Leave Note

:: 2004 8 December :: 11.46am
:: Music: Sick. ; ;

Skeet skeet!
Well, I'm here at home...

I came home sick.

Went to the Orchestra concert last night, and I didn't see Bethany!! ; ; Sad, sad Dana. I swear, we'll make something work, Bethany! But yeah, I ate a cookie with green icing. It made me happy. And I saw Kiwi, Aisha and Ry-Anus (aka Rhianna).

It looks like Dylan's not coming back to Roland Grise. Maybe he's in juvy or something, but what could he have done to get there?

Woke up this morning, I was really sick. Went to school anyways. In Chorus, Mr. Riel got mad because I was late. But I went to the chorus room, and the band people were in there, so I had to get all the way over to the Band room. He was like "Well, I've been telling you guys it was in the bandroom today and tomorrow for the past week." and everyone stood up for me and said they never heard him say it. =) He said that we had selective hearing. Pssh.

We mixed stuff to make brownies in Mrs. Yeoman's. Brian's not in my group anymore!! ^_^ We're actually making the borwnies, Friday, though. We mixed the sugar and flour and stuff. The dry ingredients.

Then in Science, Mrs. Johson was extra Johnson-y. I found out that nearly half of the team is failing. Mrs. Johnson does not teach us SHIT. I swear, I haven't learned anything about Science in her class all year. -.-

Then I went to the nurse and my dad came to pick me up. As we were leaving, Mr. Hatch told me that I had a great voice and that I was very talented... Then on the car ride home, dad was talking about how I should spend more time on homework, and how I should change the way I look before next year. He said "We love you fine just the way you are, but you might have some teachers who discriminate against you... Because, well, I don't know if you notice this, but you have a little bit of a gothic... or punk kind of image." -.- He said he wanted me to head toward a "preppy" direction, because "preppy" originated from people who went to prep school and blah blah blah. -____________________________-; Whatever.

I think I'll go nap or something now. I'm exhausted.

The Almighty Dana

:: 2004 6 December :: 8.40pm
:: Mood: Meh.
:: Music: Evanescence- Tourniquet

I HATE BLACK SUBSTITUTES!!
First off, I'm not really racist- I can explain my title. I just don't feel the need to.

But, for your enjoyment, I will anyways! ^_^

Well, we had a substitute in Math today... So we walked to the trailer, and looked in the little window before we walked in. Ethan turned to a big group of us and said, "Oh God, guys... it's that mean black lady." So, Rashon, Shiyana, and 'Los were walking up, and I yelled "OH GOD, I HATE BLACK... *looks at them* ...substitute teachers."

Yeah, my class is pretty close and cool. I'm down with the brothas and sistas. Ha.

Well, interesting things that have happened lately...

Nothing.

Although, if you walk up to Trevor Whitcomb and ask him if he likes girls, he says "I haven't reached that stage in life yet." What a cool kid. (He's in my Family/Consumer Science group. With Rhianna... and this kid Brian, who picks his nose sometimes... We're making brownies.. >.>) IF BRIAN FRICKIN' TOUCHES MY BROWNIES...

[/end angry brownie rant.]

I thought I'd treat you guys with a nice long entry. :]

Even though, what... two people read this? Ha. How cool am I?

So, anyways. I like to have jolly holidays in Canada. RIGHT, JOHN?

...Uhm, I wonder if you even read this. JOHN IF YOU READ THIS....

Then leave me a comment, nugget.

Erm... Yep. I think I'm done for now. I feel like I'm forgetting something, but if I am... I'll be sure to update later. I'm sure you care sooo much, though.

SHA! Oo noo mah yeah,

The Almighty Dana

:: 2004 5 December :: 3.08pm
:: Music: Christmas Music. GAH!

Well, it's been a pretty lonely weekend. Carly's gone. ; ;

Didn't get to see Bethany today. I miss her dearly.

So what's happened- a whole lot of nothing.

Pointless post :)

:: 2004 3 December :: 4.37pm
:: Mood: Blee?
:: Music: Anti Flag- Turncoat.

Prayin' mannis!
Well, it was a better day. This morning Taylor, Marcus and I all showed up at the exact same time. "You know what this means, right? We were meant to face the world together until the end of time!" Hah. <3 them. Mr. Riel told us how great we were... Did a worksheet with Zach in Yeoman's class... Some black dude stole money from me... and generally, I'm scared shitless of black people... I'm not racist, I just don't really like being jumped by like five of them. But Shiyana told on him. XD I won't be getting my money back, though. *fumes* I'm not even sure how much it was, though. There was change from when my sister went shopping. (=/ I guess I'll have to get over it.) Read a book in Mrs. Johnson's class. Failed a test in Mr. Moore's... Finished my project in Ms. Connor's, and got bitched at by Mrs. Glasgow.

Just because she has sand in her vagina, she shouldn't take it out on our class. For fucking laughing at something.

James and Taylor are joining chorus. =) Yayy. Should be fun-ness. 2 more guys. Bass and tenor I'm assuming.

Can't wait til Sunday. I'll update later or something.

Carly's gone... ;_; I miss her already.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

--Your Favorite--
Hair Color:: I prefer darker.
Eye Color:: Blue.
(Their)Music Genre Preference:: Uhm, it doesn't matter to me really. As long as they aren't hardcore country fans, I'm alright.
Height(estimate):: Taller than me?
Age:: Around the same age. (Or 17, haha Keely)
Personality Type:: They need to be able to make me laugh.
--This or That--
Older or Younger:: Older :)
Romantic or Horndog:: Romantic. (I'm a girl. What the Hell did you expect?)
Smart or Stupid:: Both, ha.
Fat or Skinny:: It doesn't matter to me.
Skinny but Muscular or Big and Muscular:: I don't care too much.
Punk or Preppy:: Punk, I suppose. I <3 little emo boys, though.
The Big Picture or the Little Things:: Little things.
Flowers/Candy or Big Expensive Present:: I don't need either.
Mixtape or Burned CD:: Either.
Love or Lust:: Both.
Emotional or Just Not:: Emotional.
Sincere or Jokester:: Both.
Hott and mean or Ugly and sweet:: Ugly and sweet.
Sexy or Just "cute":: *shrugs* It ain`t a thang, niqqa.
Arse or Abs:: ARSE!!! ...and abs :)
Hair or Hands:: I <3 long haired boys. And girls. :)
Dimples or Eyes:: Eyes. Eyes. Eyes. Eyes.
Biceps or Calves/Thighs:: Biceps.
Teeth or Nose(some people are just wierd) :: Eh, it doesn't matter too much.
Clean Shaven or Scruffy:: Scruffy would annoy the shit out of me.
Rugged or Prim and Proper:: Eh...
Countryboy or Cityboy:: Either. Just as long as they don't have a country accent, I'm down.
Date alone or With Friends: *shrugs*
Mama's Boy or Rebel Without A Cause:: Both, ha.
--Have You Ever--
Dumped a guy because he liked you too much:: Uhm, actually...
Loved a guy because he stalked you:: Naw.
Loved a guy because he hated you:: Well, it made me like him more?
Asked your friend's crush out:: No. Well, once. But she was telling me to, and wouldn't leave me alone until I did. He said no anyways.
Lead a guy on for kicks:: Nope.
Asked a guy out purely because he was hott:: No.
Flirted with guys even though you had a boyfriend:: No.
Lied about not having a boyfriend:: No. I've only had 2 boyfriends, and they don't really count.
Lied about having one:: Well, once to this stalker guy.
Cheated:: No.
Been Cheated on:: Kind of.
Had a crush on a gay guy:: Heh.
--Their Clothing(yes/no)--
Boxers?:: Uhm...
Briefs?:: Whatever floats their boat.
Hat?:: Most of the time.
Skater Shoes?:: Yes. Or converse :)
Pimp Shoes?:: ...Pimp shoes?
Band Shirts?:: Hawt. Unless they're dumb bands. Like Good Charlotte or something.
Vintage shirts?:: Totally 80's, dude!
Southpole/um..other thug clothes..?:: Johnnn! Wigga, please.
Dixie Outfitters/Big Johnsons?:: What the...
Independent/DC?:: I don't like DC so much. Their shoes suck. They're too expensive and they fall apart really easily.
Skavenger/UGP?:: ...
Fox/Thor?:: I don't care much about clothing.
Jeans or Shorts?:: Jeans.
--Be Honest--
Would you ever date a guy for his money?:: Nope.
Would you ever date a guy for his social status?:: Nope.
Have you ever liked hanging out with your bf's friends more than him?:: What the Hell? I'm confused.
Have you ever pretended to like somebody to make them feel better?: Er, no. I don't believe I have.
Have you called a girl a whore, when you were screwing lots of guys?:: Oh yeah let me tell you. I was banging 6 guys at once, and I called this one girl up and called her a whore. (Note to the slow: sarcasm is your friend)
Do looks matter?:: Well, if you've seen the guys I've gone out with, then you know that's a big N-O.
Are you honestly scared of being dumped?:: No. Not really.
Does size matter?:: Not really, because I'm not banging people yet. Ha.
Do you avoid 'situations' with ugly guys?:: What do you mean by "situations"? (No, I don't avoid ugly guys. Unless it's Wade or Tim. Ew.)
Are you ashamed to be seen with your ugly friends?:: No.
Are you ashamed for being ashamed?(you better be):: I wasn't ashamed in the first place.
Do you hide things from your crushes/guy friends/bf?:: Uh, no. Nothing important.
Do you lie about masturbation for attention or false innocence?:: No.
Do you really want a guy to say if those jeans make your butt look fat?:: No...
Are you dissapointed when your bf doesn't say I love you right away?:: No.
Wanna be a virgin till marriage?: Uh, I guess that'd kind of be neat, but I doubt it.
Do you really love the guys everytime that you say it?: Yeah. Loving someone and being in love are two different things.
Do you dream about your crushes/bfs/guy friends?:: Yeah. Alot.
Would you makeout with a guy friend just to get it over with/curiosity?:: Been there. Done that.
Does this survey suck nuts?: Monkey nuts!

Yes, I'm bored.
No, don't complain. Bitches.

:: 2004 2 December :: 4.49pm

Well, my good mood is completely gone. And the butterflies are only making me feel lonely.

About an hour after I posted last night, my dad called me and my sister downstairs. Mom was lying in bed. She was incoheirant, and I could barely understand what she was saying. She's been taking a "friend" of her's medicine. Yeah, some friend. Beside the fact that it makes her speach slurred, and completely not understandable, she takes it with alcohol, which is really dangerous.

She's been drinking more, and smoking about a pack a day. I'm afraid to get in the car with her behind the wheel. She's under the influence of something everyday when she picks me up from school. I remember about 2 months ago. She'd cut down sooo much. She was down to like two cigarettes a day, and she cut out drinking all together. I was so proud of her. But she's just let herself be influenced again.

This morning, we had a 3 hour chorus practice. I cried when we were out in the seats. A bunch of preps saw me. They thought it was because I got bumped off the solo...

I guess that's part of the reason. I just wanted to show people I was good at something. This was my one time to be recognized. But instead, he gave it to a seventh grader, who gets recognized for her swimming acheivements all the time.

Carly, my wonderful sister... I look up to her so much. I wanted her to hear me. I was going to put my whole heart into that few seconds of singing, but of course, that just won't happen.

All day, there were tears in my eyes. Once again, my chance to be seen was taken away... and I fear for my mother's life. There have been many times before when she's almost died because she was intoxicated. She may have to leave for rehab. A month without a mother....

Wow.

I don't see why I have to watch so many people be ruined by drugs or alcohol. No matter what I say to them, it means nothing. I can never get the message across. I've seen this happen too many times before...

Fucking tears me apart.