We're packing and I still feel like it's morning. Rueben went to go get my car from Don and Steve's apartment, and I'm taking a break from going through things.
After I got out of work last night I met Rueben at Don and Steve's and had a few. We ended up staying up the whole night talking and then went to Lil' Chef at 6:30. Then, Rueben and I came home and went to bed. Lil' Chef is six doors down from our apartment, so Steve drove to breakfast and we walked home. Rueben's gone to get my car, which has banana boxes in it from work so we can start packing. We also need to go do laundry.
I've realized that final exams week (starting tomorrow!) is actually going to be a relatively easy week, at least compared to what I'm use to. I have one big exam per day, and an eight page paper due on Thursday, but I think I'll be just fine. I could skip the exam in most of my classes and still pass with a C or higher, so I'm in good shape.
We're moving on Friday and I've started sorting through our food and planning what we need to eat until then. I still need to go start packing my room, and, of course, clean.
But I don't really understand why I should clean, they're just going to knock our building down anyway. But...I want my money back, so I'll do it.
I'm going to miss our little apartment...but our new one has a huge kitchen, a dishwasher, and Jessie.
"We'll get through somehow, this is only temporary/ Not now, but soon/ We'll be living in the future."
Today is my 20th birthday. I feel quite old, but know that I'm still one of the youngest people I know. How does that happen?
I guess I'm finally caught up to myself. People have been guessing that my age was 20 since I was 16.
I'm not about to do a year in review, I don't have enough time or motivation for that, but I will take a moment to make a few general statements for posterity sake (or so I say).
I'm a sophomore in college now, and that has made me a stronger, better person. Being a Brother in Kappa Kappa Psi has made me part of something larger than myself, and that's always something I had felt I was missing.
In the past year, I have become more liberal than ever, even toying with the idea of Socialism in the form of Democracy.
Unfortunately, I only watched Mrs. Doubtfire about 12 times (that's only once a month!)
I have met some amazing people that recognize me for who I am, and can understand that I am different people sometimes.
I have grown more responsible, less fearful, but more worried.
But, above all, I am here, and I made it, and that's something that I didn't think would ever happen four years ago, today.
I am delighted to let you know that your submitted photo has been selected for inclusion in the newly released fourth edition of our Schmap Amsterdam Guide:
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2007 1 December :: 9.36am
:: Music: CSS- My hot hot sex
I should quit watching I am legend trailers
I had a dream the other day. Zombies where attacking the world and I was the last person alive. I fended them off with a club I made from a tire iron. My hideout was Rivertown mall, especially Dicks sporting goods. I slept in the rafters in a canoe and climbed up there with a rope ladder. So if any of you become zombies.... stay away from Dicks sporting goods or else.
I saw the most ungodly beautiful sunrise on my way home from work this morning. I say 'ungodly' because it was actually pretty foreboding in a way. Even a bit malignant. The sun itself had a beam of red light that shot straight up into the sky, like some weird searchlight, and the clouds around it were just bathed in deep red, though it got lighter and more orange as time passed.
All I could think about was how much I wanted my camera right then. Sometimes I wish it were much more portable. =(
Okay, so I was driving down the road the other day when we actually had sunlight. And I saw my sunglasses laying there and thought I should wear them. So I put them on and I think, "Wow, these are fitting kind of wierd, I think someone sat on/kicked/stepped on, or otherwise maimed them in some fashion." (Yes I really think like that) and I just keep going for a while longer, then I notice they have a couple scratches on the lenses that make it annoying to look out of. So then I think, "Shit, these are like almost brand new, now I'm angry." And so I start looking at the scratches, and then I start looking at the rest of the sunglasses more critically, and I stop, and a realization hits me. "Hey, these aren't mine."
And so...the moral of the story is...I have someone's sunglasses in my car. So....If you are missing some sunglasses then let me know =]
And If you haven't been in my car in the past month or so... I know they're not yours. =]
this song gets stuck in my head. It plays when i read my woohu.
STREETLIGHT MANIFESTO LYRICS
"Point / Counterpoint"
I've got a gun in my hand but that gun won't cock
My finger's on the trigger but that trigger seems locked
and I can't stop staring at the tick tock clock
and even if I could I would never give up.
With a vest on my chest, a bullet in my lung
I can't believe I'm dying with my song unsung.
And if and when I die won't you bury me alone?
'Cause I'll never get to heaven if I'm singing this song.
If there was something wrong would you be oh so strong?
Would you do what it takes to move this hollow life along?
I'd like to think I would, you know I'd like to think I would
but I can guarantee that what you see is not reality
and every time she makes a point, I make a counterpoint
She said it's easy but in the end you'll have no choice
and you know that's only just the way that it goes
You said it right man, That is just the way that it goes
And the days, and the days they seem like forever
And the days, and the days they seem like forever
But forever isn't ever enough!!
I'd like to sing a song
Promise you won't be long!
I'll try not to be long but I don't want to get this story wrong
There was a kid who never cared about the little things
Don't even bother because I'm tired and I'm sick of it
And every time she makes a point, I'll make a counterpoint!
She said It's easy but in the end you'll have no choice
And you know that's only just the way that it goes
You said it right man, that is just the way that it goes
I've got a gun in my hand but that gun won't cock
And my finger's on the trigger but that trigger seems locked
and I can't stop staring at the tick tock clock
and even if I could I would never give up.
With a vest on my chest, a bullet in my lung
I can't believe I'm dying with my song unsung.
And if and when I die won't you bury me alone?
'Cause I'll never get to heaven if I'm singing this song.
Oh, you don't know where I've been!
Oh, you don't know what I've seen!
If I did something right
Would you give up this fight?
Would you say you were wrong and maybe someone else was kind of right
I'd like to think you would
You know I'd like to think you would
but I can't guarantee that what you get is an apology
Jump back to the day we met
I never thought that it would end this way
If ever I let you down I want to ask of you
To take it down a notch and we can talk it on through
And the days, and the days they seem like forever
And the days, and the days they seem like forever
But forever isn't ever enough!!
I'd like to sing a song
Promise you won't be long!
I'll try not to be long but I don't want to get this story wrong
There was a chick who never cared about the little things
Don't bother 'cause I still don't give a shit
And every time she makes a point, I'll make a counterpoint!
She said it's easy but in the end you'll have no choice
And you know that's only just the way that it goes
You said it right man, that is just the way that it goes
I've got a gun in my hand but that gun won't cock
And my finger's on the trigger but that trigger seems locked
and I can't stop staring at the tick tock clock
and even if I could I would never give up.
With a vest on my chest, a bullet in my lung
I can't believe I'm dying with my song unsung.
And if and when I die won't you bury me alone?
'Cause I'll never get to heaven if I'm singing this song.
Oh, you don't know where I've been!
Oh, you don't know what I've seen!
So tell me friend, how's it going to end?
When the shit goes down and there's no one left around to get your back
You'll crack
You'll smile and agree with everything they say
They'll try to tell you that it's all okay
But it's not and you're shot and you're bleeding pretty bad
And you can't stop thinking about the things you never had
Like a wife and a kid and the things you never did
You're running around
You're living a life that's empty in the end, my friend
No, you'll take back all you've said
Oh, when the regrets fill your head
Trust me I've been there before
I would not wish it upon my greatest enemy
What irony!
Once friends, but I find
You'll have to learn this lesson on your own
So I waited by the phone but that phone never rang
and I sang so loud so I wouldn't hear the bang
When the bang never came and I never got the call
Fuck It! Thank You! I Love You All!
Some are going to say that we're doomed to repeat
all our past mistakes
Great!
But that's not me
and even if it was I would always disagree
Because in the end I always get the better of me
I've got a gun in my hand but that gun won't cock
And my finger's on the trigger but that trigger seems locked
and I can't stop staring at the tick tock clock
and even if I could I would never give up.
With a vest on my chest, a bullet in my lung
I can't believe I'm dying with my song unsung.
And if and when I die won't you bury me alone?
'Cause I'll never get to heaven if I'm singing this song.
Oh, I'll take you where I've been!
Oh, I'll show you what I've seen!
I've been working so much lately. Yesterday was horrible at work. "Black Friday" makes me want to kill someone, or a lot of people.
But, I did get some humor out of it all. I was doing a Western Union Transfer for a lady, and one of the other people at the desk asked for my help and the lady was like, "No, you need to do this for me now, I'm in a hurry."
So I said, "Okay" and went as slow as I possibly could. I am normally very fast at typing and processing the transfer, but I made sure to look over everything a few times before I sent it. Then, when I gave her the receipt, she ripped it out of my hands and tromped away.
I hate my job.
And people at the desk are dropping like flies. One guy went to the pharmacy two weeks ago, and another girl found a new job. She said she'd come in for her last few shifts (Thursday through this Sunday), but she hasn't shown up yet. This is not the season where you don't show up to work.
Ah, well, the semester is almost over, only two more weeks and then exam week.
Rueben and I are moving into another apartment on the fifteen of December because the people we're with right now are giant assholes. But, Jessie is coming to Central and we'll all live together in our four bedroom town house happily ever after. Yes.
I have to write and give an after dinner speech on Wednesday. I have nothing. I guess I'll just wait for the last minute, like always.
except i felt intimidated while going into the church.
I walked in and the cathedral (is this the right word for it) was huge!!! there was this giant statue of jesus on a cross and it just didn't seem like a happy place, they played the orgen and it sounded depressing. the pews we're hard wood and we're built in an angle so that your back began to hurt after sitting in them for awhile. when the paster/priest(again, i dont know the proper term) started to speak his voice echoed through the giant room. it was extremely intimidating. then everyone else knew "the lords prayer" and all this other ritual stuff.
Death has become a common thing with me lately, in the past month I have lost 3 people i knew. It makes me think about my beliefs, question them, question if there is a god or not.
in one hand i think "hey, there is no god its just a big myth"
then i look at it as "why would people dedicate their lives to something that doesn't exist, something has to be there"
i'm just in a state of confusion lately.
dunno.
at least i got my exercise today though "stand, kneel, sit, stand, kneel, sit"
I gave myself the morning off from classes. It felt so good to SLEEP. They gave me thirty hours this week, and next week. I don't know how I'm going to be handling that, but I guess I'll find out.
Papers to write, but I have four hours now, so that shouldn't be a problem. I need to take some time off more often.
Yesterday I spent a good portion of my afternoon, and evening at the hospital.
My grandmother was admitted for observation because they still weren't quite positive why she quit breathing. They think it may have been a mini stroke.
This is already a hard time of year as it is.
6 years ago wednesday my grandfather passed away. (it was the day before thanksgiving that year as well).
3 years ago my grandmother passed away the day before christmas eve.
It's Monday morning and I've had a very long weekend. I worked last night until eleven, went home, and wrote a paper for this morning. I didn't write the other paper that I needed to, but I'm sure she said something about we can wait until Wednesday to do it. I hope, at least.
I'm working thirty hours this week. Although I don't have school on Thursday or Friday, it's still going to be hell. I'm going home on Thursday so Rueben and I can go to his family's Thanksgiving. Then we're driving back up the same day so I can work on Black Friday. Ugh.
Now, off to Communication Theory, which strangely, I've come to enjoy.
You don't have to read this.
I am uber-depressed. This shit sucks, bitches.
I am still having serious trouble readjusting. I am not going to class, slacking off when I actually am in class, not writing papers until late or not at all...it's like work is the only thing I am doing. And I latch onto that to get me through the day.
It's like after four months of vacation, I can't do anything but be very lazy. It's a good thing I'm not the only one feeling like this or I'd think I was crazy.
I can totally see how that girl who went to France a few years ago dropped out of school and wasn't able to make it through. I just feel like I can't do this. And this is a thousand times easier than being in France.
It's like I can't do life anymore. This is so frustrating.
I went to help with the study abroad orientation and the coordinator of the program asked if any of us were having or had trouble with reverse culture shock. We said yeah and then she asked how bad it was. I said it was just as bad as adjusting to France but it's not. It's much, much worse. I've been home for longer than I was gone and I'm still having trouble. No one cares about my pictures, my stories, I have to work, pay bills, write papers, go to class, be in Michigan, talk to people on a consistent basis.
Oh, and the cat we were going to get died the weekend before we were going to get him.
