LOSERxDORK
|
::
2004 16 April :: 8.50pm
:: Mood: horny
:: Music: story of the year
bunch of things cause im bored
can you tell im bored? i need to do something!
.to me.
|
silentcriez
|
::
2004 16 April :: 4.40pm
I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions. Anything you want. Then go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.
2 .from you. |
.to me.
|
cocopuff
|
::
2004 16 April :: 4.39pm
I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions. Anything you want. Then go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.
1 .from you. |
.to me.
|
|
silentcriez
|
::
2004 16 April :: 6.59am
All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why
[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me
I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind
[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell
.to me.
|
|
silentcriez
|
::
2004 15 April :: 8.30pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: i'm alright - twiztid
u only saw the outside... u never knew what i was feeling
i dont know what to say.. i guess i feel as if i am already out of words to profess to u how i feel.. i just wish there was some way i could figure out how i honestly feel and project it fluently and freely woithout it sounding reheresed.. i cried liek hell today with liz n kels at johnson... talking about my issues... which there are many... i guess i just dont understand how a mother can walk out on her kids. i hope that i am never as self centered as her. i want to talk to her honestly i do but i know it would kill me if i ever really did. i would go to pick up the fone and here it ring listen to her answer.. in her overused secretary voice and hang up after a couple seconds of silence... i fel as if there is so much to say yet so few words to explain it. iw ould just freeze or start to cry i mean i dont understand how i feel i dont get it
i mean im not talking to her because she doesnt udnerstand at all that what shes doing is wrong it makes me so angry because she leaves me these messages like "this is dumb its been 6 months wee need to talk" making it liek im teh one at fault. when its really her fault we dotn talk..
its fucking almost my birthday and im not even really excited.. how sad is that.. ill prolly just end up spending the day cryign my eyes out wishing mom would come back.
i have been having trouble sleeping lately ill lay up and i see this image of myself spinning in my head when i lay in bed at night and its just me looking at myself in a picture.. liek one of those big pictures that they put by ur casket at a funeral.. and i look at it and the eyes are closed. teh portals to my soul... gone liek i was blind to everything and theres like this voice in the back telling me whats going on.. so then i walk over to the casket and i look in and its me laying there pale and white and i bend down to kneel like u do at a wake.. and the body reaches out and grabs my wrist and starts to cry. and i ask it why its crying and it says nothing...then the image fades out and theres leikt his huge movie screen projecting fuzzy black words and i cant read them so i run forward trying to make out what it says and i get close enough and it says time.. and the letters crumble to nothing and i wake up.
i dont know exactly what this means... it kinda scares me.. im afraid of what i am becoming and why i am the wya i am .... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr why cant things be easy i want so badly just for things to be ok... just for once be ok...
iceyhott1769: its like u think you're running out of time
iceyhott1769: i told my shrink all about it
iceyhott1769: they said "you fear you are running out of time with the things you love the most and your life is about to take a drastic turn, you just dont know what the future holds and you're afraid"
*theres a voice inside my head telling me to get some sleep because tomorrow might be good*
this dark pain
this empty emotion
it flows within my heart and beats violently...
the rain washes away the tears
but these scars remain forever open
every night i rip them open violently...
senses unleashed in the heat of the night
lust enveloping my every move
you rip my clothes of violently...
as thunder claps
and lightning fills teh sky
my world is shaken violently...
these pale eyes will be awaken
with the dawning of the day
my sleep is broken violently...
in depth you speak
and your words cut like a knife
they peirce my skin violently...
---------------------
im frozen here in front of you
bleeding for all to see
wont you love me?
and kiss me too...
ill pray for lust to shine on me
my kisses arent enough for you
werent good enough
for what you had in mind
you took a taste
and walked away
but im still in your veins
dancing upon your skin
frozen like the crystals floating in the air
patterins so detailed
not one is the same
is my heart the one at fault?
am i teh one to blame?
i guess its my stupidity
shouldnt have trusted you at all
i should not have counted on you
to capture my fall
so freeze me and foregt me
preserve me for another day
in my dreams well be together
hurry, before i melt away
-----------------------
these roads begin to spiral into eachother
can you feel the wind in your hair?
wandering freely
the blue bird lurks there
feilds and medows
tainted with the sins of teh past
sun once so bright
stains skin red
withe the blood of the night
dripping with envy
feinding for hate
segrigation has found me
knocking upon heavens gate
love me for a moment
for once let me smile
kiss my lips...
release love toxic and vile
1 .from you. |
.to me.
|
krazykelc1
|
::
2004 15 April :: 7.54pm
:: Mood: just one of those terrible moods.. wats new :-(
:: Music: Twiztid-Your the reason
I love you but you don't care...
what the fuck else is new....
today after school Liz Amanda and I had a very deep and emotional conversation at Johnson. haha. we sat there for about 3 hours and just rambled on about whats been happening lately. All of it just made me think about how lucky I really am. I used to think that lil song that went something like "everything means nothing if I ain't got you babe.." was soo true, but after talking about things the whole afternoon it made me realize how selfish I am. I really do have it all... although there may be one thing/person I am without, that doesn't mean my life is as shitty as I make it out to be. I'm just one of those people who focuses on the one thing they dont have rather than the great things that already surround them... like friends and family.
Maybe if I didn't take things for granted as I have so far, then things would work out better for me.
My girls... I love you sooo very much, I don't know where I would be without you. <3
Show me the reason why
we do the things that we do
Show me the reason why
Take a chance with me, I won't let you down..
Tomorrow.. last day before april k-shun :-)
5 days.
3 .from you. |
.to me.
|
|
loserxdork
|
::
2004 14 April :: 11.52pm
:: Mood: horny
:: Music: led zepplin
fun day
well, today was good after i got out of school. i gave nicole a ride home and then my mom took my to ruby tuesdays to get something to eat since i hadnt eaten all day. after that we went to pet smart and got my cat some catnip and then we went to bed bath and beyond. i got :
1.a whole new bed set
2.a box of the jelly belly chocolate candys and
3.2 boxes of sour apple altoids.
after that we went over to marshalls and i got:
1.a pretty skirt
2.a short slutty skirt
3.this adorable tube top
4.a fubu zip up sweatshirt that was normally $108 dollars but reduced to $18.
and thats basically it.
THEN i went to see my mentor and we talked and blah blah and then i went to national wholesale liquidators. there i got:
1.3 thongs & 1 pair of boy shorts
2.cool sheets and teddy grahmn sheets :-P
3.a hamper
i got soo much stuff today and i had fun :)
derek got his phone and computer taken away :-/
7 .from you. |
.to me.
|
|
krazykelc1
|
::
2004 14 April :: 5.39pm
:: Music: Puddle of Mud- Blurry
have you ever jus sat by the window and thought about life
jus thought about all the shit
and you say you had enough
but never change
then you find yourself in the same postition
feeling guilty cause you didnt listen to yourself before
try waking up every morning
wishing you didnt
jus cause you have a problem you cant fix
no matter how hard you try
nothing will work
anyone relate to that at all.. ?
5 .from you. |
.to me.
|
|
krazykelc1
|
::
2004 14 April :: 4.51pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Trapt-These walls
Nothings changed..
There's too much drama in my life at this point. I can't say things have never gotten this worse, but they are quickly sliding downhill. Whoever said it was right, I've got to stop assuming things. No guessing, no risking, no straying outside of the lines. It's my own fault things fall the way they do. Problems don't work themselves out..don't assume they will.
This afternoon was all about thinking for me... But sometimes I think I do a little too much thinking. I need to stop trying to pick apart every situation I find myself in. And stop trying to find the reasoning behind everything... why the hell can't I see things this way all the time is beyond me... I have an odd way of portraying certain things.
I read old conversations once again this afternoon. It only made me that much sadder. <- is sadder a word ? :-\ *sigh*
I wonder if he ever thinks of me....
Poetry time...
I can almost hear the tinkling
as my heart shatters to the ground
I can almost hear the rain
as my tears fall without a sound
I can almost feel the sizzling
of your anger burning me
I can almost feel the truth
in something that could never be
but now I feel nothing
not the pattering of rain
just the constant sensation
of ever thrumming pain
and though the clocks keep ticking
it's just a waste of time
forever spinning round and round
because I know you wont be mine
hate burns you like a fire
as my tears fall like the rain
putting out your fervent blaze
as you fill me up with pain
a hundred lies like cutting glass
pierce my heart so deep
blood flows like a river
from behind my mask it starts to seep
night falls like a shadow
but your eyes are bright as day
I speak to you like I'm a fool
because I dont know what to say
and I cant go on pretending
my heart is strong as stone
but I'm too afraid to tell you
cause I dont wanna be alone
Sober for 4 days if you're counting saturday night. Countdown: 6 days. // shouldn't be too exciting for me anyways, but we'll see what happens
.to me.
|
|
loserxdork
|
::
2004 14 April :: 11.47am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: bleeding through
in school
im in school and im bored, its lunch and i feel like shit
2 .from you. |
.to me.
|
|
cocopuff
|
::
2004 13 April :: 9.22pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: none...
im teired of being alone
i hate it, im sick and teired of being second best... i don't get y but i guess thats as good as ill ever b.... im sick of being alone and i was hopeing that would change but i guess not, im sick and teired of things not going my way... what did i do to never get nethin i want, i don't everything all the time but i would liek to just once get what i want more thne nehting... im sick and teired of it all.....i hate u!!!... y?y did u even bother if i was only second best... IM SICK AND TEIRED OF BEIGN SECOND BEST!!! y can't i mean nething more then just sex to someone?? is that all im good for? if it is then y do i waste my time falling in love with ppl who could care less about me... i guess i should have learned my lesson a long time ago, thats im nothin to ne one and i never will b... its sad but its reality, and u know what reality sucks... but im sick and teird of hiding my feelings to make everything go away cuz trust me shit never goes away, and it always comes back to hit me in the face... what did i do..... what can i do to b more then 2ed... ill do nething.. but its like u don't even see me nemore..... im still here!!! LOOK AT ME!!! I FUCKIN LOVE U!!!! but i guess thats not enuf for u... Its never eunf and im sick and tried of that too... im soo sick and teired of everything... i don't understand y god loves to see me unhappy cuz believe it or not under all my happyness thats you see is the pain iv felt for years and today and for now on im not goin to hid it cuz it gets me nowhere way to fast....and u know im soo sick and teired of not gettin the love i deserive.. im sick and teired of it all, im sick and teired of being alone, im sick and teired of only being second best... but most of all im sick and teired of loveing you
1 .from you. |
.to me.
|
|
krazykelc1
|
::
2004 13 April :: 5.44pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: none
Muppets on Drugs™
Kermit the frog on Weed
Oscar the Grouch on X
Elmo on Acid
Big Bird on Mushrooms
Cookie Monster on Crack
Ernie & Bert on Opium
Miss Piggy on Angel Dust
-Jess & Kelc
.to me.
|
|
LOSERxDORK
|
::
2004 13 April :: 12.32pm
:: Mood: loserish
:: Music: eh, nothing.
i cant believe myself!
i can't believe that i actually forgot to tell everyone that i picked up daniellie too when i picked up leigh! aww i looove her
3 .from you. |
.to me.
|
|
LOSERxDORK
|
::
2004 13 April :: 12.16pm
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: the ramones
not a bad night
soo last night i went to fridays to dinner with my mom and then she took me to sherri's and sherris dad took me,sherri,and doug to the club. we stood out in the rain for like 5 minutes and my hair got SO MESSED UP! well, we got in the club and guess who i saw? emilio! lol, he ignored me and i got really really pissed. THEN i saw sam who i haven't seen in a longgg ass time because she went to kellenberg :-/ aww. i also saw some girl who i go to school with. then when i was standing on a speaker some kid tapped me on the shoulder and was like 'my friends wants to dance with you' and i was like 'nahh' and they were really annoying! ughhh. then they opened the VIP room and it was really cool. they had a hot tub filled with pillows and me doug and sherri sat in there. we started getting bored so we left and walked to the gas station where i proceded to call [brian & rich and leave derek a message]. the guy started staring at us so we walked over to some closed nail place and stood there. i called [matt] because i was bored. my mom came and picked us up and while we were going to drop sherri & doug off derek<3 called me back. we talked for a while. after i dropped sherri & doug off we picked up leigh and i hung out with her. now im with leigh and we are going to get ready and then wait for rob & tom.
i<3dereksofreakingmuch!
.to me.
|
|
LOSERxDORK
|
::
2004 13 April :: 9.23am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: fallout boy
im not a sexual person after all!
My outercourse activity is snuggling!
Which Sexual Outercourse Act Are You? (with pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla
exactly, i'd rather cuddle than anything
.to me.
|
|