You just have to be happy. If you are everything else will fall into place.

You just have to be happy. If you are everything else will fall into place.

:: 2004 5 November :: 12.19 pm

funny convos.. more will be added all the time.. i need somewhere to keeep them, 'cause they make me laugh.
Read more..

2 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2004 5 November :: 12.38 am
:: Mood: tired.. but i can't sleep

I AM 59% ASSHOLE/BITCH!
I am abrasive, some people really hate me, but there may be a group of other tight knit assholes and bitches that I can hang out with and get me. Everybody else? Fuck �em.
Take the ASSHOLE/BITCH test at Fuali.com

yay.. everyone take this test, and leave a note with your results! yayyyyyyy.. wow, i'm bored.

5 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2004 4 November :: 7.13 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: ciara feat. petey pablo - goodies

blah blah blah.. i've been thinking. what makes jim stay with me? i mean really..

i'm a bitch to him all the time, so is my mom. the other night i yelled at him for something so stupid.. okay? still he's nice to me and everything. i mean why would he want to be with me.. i have a baby. we'll it's his baby to, but he can leave any time he wants. i told him that.. we've definitly been through our rough times and i've "broken up" with him plenty of times.. but none of it ever lasted. he would always call back or come over and we'd make up. i don't know; maybe he really does love me.

<3

6 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2004 3 November :: 9.45 pm
:: Mood: creative

so i just got done updating my profile.. want to see? click here.

yesterday was the free prime rib dinner at the bar.. jim and his mom came, they ate with kelly and i.. donna went to get jeff then he came back to the bar and he ate some wings, then she took gabrielle and i home around 11.

tomorrow i'm gonna try to go over jims.. but i don't know, it depends on if my mom stays home the whole day or not. *sigh*

bush won.. woohu.

cmnt.

:: 2004 2 November :: 11.19 pm

All I have to say is..

GO BUSH! Kick Kerrys ass!!!

3 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2004 2 November :: 9.09 am

Check out my blirtatiousness!

cmnt.

:: 2004 31 October :: 7.40 am
:: Mood: cranky

just some random facts
i'm tired, cranky, ect.

yesterday we [me and gab] went to the parade in bentlyville.

it was nice.

it was her first parade, she got her first piece of candy. some guy handed it to me.

jim was supposed to come, but couldn't get a ride.
both of his cars are broken.
*shakes head*, *sighs*

people are sluts.

i've been pissed off since friday. *cough* mom *cough*

it was my weekend off with the girls, and i didn't do shit except stay home.

kelly and i made cookies last night.

i was thinking that maybe i change things with my life/ect. so often because i'm insecure.

am i insecure? that's the question of the decade.

5 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2004 31 October :: 12.50 am
:: Mood: annoyed

I love you.

2 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2004 29 October :: 5.12 pm

ATTENTION!
Tw1st3dxDr3ams (5:12:23 PM): i thought a month would be from Oct 1st to Nov 1st.

yes becky.. you are right. i don't know wtf i was thinking. thank you for setting me straight!

gabrielle isn't a month old yet.

haha.. i'm stupid.

cmnt.

:: 2004 28 October :: 11.49 pm
:: Mood: shocked

i can't believe gabrielle is 1 month old today.

4 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2004 28 October :: 12.39 am
:: Mood: stressed

RULES: Write a statement intended for 14 different people. NEVER TELL which one is for who.
1. I HATE YOU.
2. I love you.
3. I wish you would just let me do what I want.
4. Stay out of my life!
5. I hope your gram gets better.
6. Just because I don't call you, doesn't mean you can't call me.
7. Thanks for all your support.
8. Things have changed.
9. I hate you for what you did to me.
10. I can't believe I ever liked you.. you're scum!
11. I love you so much more that I ever thought I would.
12. You're such a bitch sometimes.. I hate how you treat your kids.
13. Stay home more often, they need a mother.. not a sister pretending to be their mother.
14. I don't like you. And I really can't believe you thought he liked you.. lol.

3 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2004 25 October :: 10.10 pm
:: Mood: happy

mrs. baker came today for homeschooling.

blah.

1 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2004 24 October :: 11.10 pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: wheat - i met a girl

friday jim and his mom took gabrielle for a couple hours.. i had to stay home and watch my sisters- and then i got in trouble because my mom told me that she wasn't allowed to go with them.. so we got into a big fight over that.

saturday morning at 2:42 am, gabrielles umbilical cord fell off.. she's growing up so quick!!

then around noon, donna [jims mom] came to pick me up and we went to see her boss, jims sister shelly, went to the mall and out to eat- then i came back here around 7:00 and went to work. my aunt loraine watched the baby. around 11:00 that night jim and his mom came to pick me up at the bar and took me home to get gabrielle then we went back to his house and stayed the night

today [sunday] jim and i woke up around 2:00, we ate jims sister shelly came over, then after she left his gram and cousin rachel came over for a little bit.. then we ate, sat around for an hour or so; then went out to see jims other sister kim and his dad. i got home around 9:30 i think.

it was a great weekend. (:

<3

p.s. kathy- if you're reading this.. i left the address to that handwritting anaylsis after the last note you left me in that entry. just in case you didn't know!

4 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2004 21 October :: 11.12 pm
:: Mood: infuriated
:: Music: juvinille - slow motion

i dont know..
why does everything have to be so difficult?

hmmmmm, i wanted to go over jims house this weekend so i asked my mom and she basicly said no. so we got into a fight about how i always have to watch my sisters. i haven't talked to her since last night. i locked my bedroom door so no one could get in.

blah blah blah. it all just goes in through one ear, and right out the other.

<3

5 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2004 20 October :: 7.40 am
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: our lady peace - clumsy

"you will be safe with meeee.."
i love that song.

anyways, yesterday i went to this thing in upper st. clair. it's called People to People Student Ambassadors.. a group of kids get to go to another county for 20 days over the summer.. my mom and george think this is a great oppertunity for me, and that i should apply for a position to go. i don't know if i want to leave gabrielle.. 20 days is a long time. :( i guess you had to be nominated by a teacher/adult to get a letter from this program.. i wonder who nominated me? it's bugging me..

gabrielle kept me up til 2:00 last night, i think she's sick, or getting sick- but i hope not.. she woke up at 6:00, i fed her a bottle and she went right back to sleep. but i stayed up.. i'm not quite sure why. i'm going to be very tired later.. i'll probably take a nap or something, i don't know.

i guess my mom is staying home the whole day today.. she might actually make.. dinner!!!
..whoa, what's.. DINNER???
we usually eat a bowl of ceral or some toast.

ya know, breastfeeding is a lot harder than it sounds. i tried to breastfeed, but.. i don't know, i guess it's wierd to have to go to a different room just to feed gabrielle. i don't like that.. it's not the fact that it hurts a little bit, it's just that i don't like feeling that i'm making everyone feel wierd when i do it in the room. i don't know, it's hard to explain.. i don't really know what even made me think of it.

*sighs* i'm so weird sometimes.

11 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2004 20 October :: 1.29 am
:: Mood: tired

my handwritting analysis.
Here is your analysis.

Jena exaggerates about everything that has a physical nature. Although she may not intend to deceive or mislead, she blows things way out of proportion because that is the way she views them. She will be a good story teller. This exaggeration relates to all areas of her material world. Jena allows many people into her life because she is accepting and trusting. She is sometimes called gullible by her friends. That only really means that she trusts too many people. Jena has a vivid imagination.
Jena has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.
Something is incomplete in Jena's life. She feels frustration relating to her physical needs and desires. Somewhere in her life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Jena's sexual needs.

One way Jena punishes herself is self directed sarcasm. She is a very sarcastic person. Often this sarcasm and "sharp tongued" behavior is directed at herself.
Jena is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Jena basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach." She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.
In reference to Jena's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Jena slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project. She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Jena can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Jena is not facing something going on in her life today. She is deceiving herself about it. Often, Jena's opinion of herself is different than those around her. This trait gives Jena the ability to deny anything that does not agree with her "truth." This trait is not always something negative. It is only a defense mechanism allowing Jena not to face some reality in her life at this time.

Jena is moderately outgoing. Her emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, she can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. She has the ability to put herself into the other person's shoes. Jena will be somewhat moody, with lows and highs. Sometimes she will be happy, the next day she might be sad. She has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because she is in between. Psychology calls Jena an ambivert. She understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, she will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." She doesn't sway too far one way or the other. When convincing her to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to her. She puts herself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet she will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Jena is an expressive person. She outwardly shows her emotions. She may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story. Jena is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. She weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when she finally has to. She basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.
People that write very large tend to be very social and friendly. It seems Jena has this type of writing. This indicates a need for people and a particular natural ability to socialize and be the life of the party. Now, if Jena also has specific fears (like fear of criticism or fear of trust) then she will deny she is the life of the party, because fear has overcome her natural inclination to be social. People with large handwriting tend to be effective at anything that requires interaction with lots of people. she is a people person.
According to the inputted data, Jena has a stinger shape inside the oval of her a, d, or c. This might be hard to visualize, but if this little hooklike shape is present, then Jena has an unresolved "issue" with strong members of the opposite gender. An occasional appearance of this stroke could indicate a simple "loves a mental challenge" which can manifest in playful linguistic conversations and being attracted to a lover who isn't always available. However, if the stroke is severe, this means the individual has unresolved anger at the oppostive gender - which usually started with the person's childhood relationship with the opposite gender parent (Mom or Dad.) If the writer is a woman she will be attracted to strong challenging men. If the writer is a man, he will find the girl who is "hard to get" most attractive. In a nutshell, people with stingers in their writing tend to have challenges in their romantic relationships. For more information about this "stinger" trait, visit this webpage: http://www.myhandwriting.com/analyze/hlltrt5.html. Remember, it is only negative if the traits occurs often and is quite pronounced. An occasional stinger can be no problem.

hmmm.. that's all very true.

3 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2004 19 October :: 1.08 am
:: Mood: touched

i was sitting here earilier today flipping through the channels while gabrielle was sleeping, and i turned on Maternity Ward on TLC. there was a women in labor.. i remembered when i was in her place, sitting in the hospital getting an epidural. having gabrielle was the most wonderful experience of my whole life, and i know it will be for the rest of my life. i just hope that when you [the person that's reading my journal] have a child, you'll feel the same. it's amazing how much i love her. i never thought i could love anyone this much. and i mean it's a totally different kind of love from the way i love jim.. i don't know it's hard to explain. one day when you have kids, you'll think back and say "hey, that one chick said i'd feel something like this.. now i know what she means." *sighs* okay, i'll get off my soap box.

gabrielle just fell back asleep.. but i'm not really tired; so i thought i'd rant on here for a bit.

today i didn't do much, took care of the baby, jim and his mom stopped down for a bit and visited. kelly came over to, then we went over her house to get something to eat and watched sixteen candles. that movie is so cute. *smiles* ahhh..

anyways.. it was raining all day today, it was miserable. i think i'm getting a cold.

so sometimes i get bored and i go into chatrooms on aol. i don't talk, i don't really do anything except read the convos in the room [they make me laugh.. haha] but anyways, if someone IM's me; i'll talk. then as soon as i say something about me having a baby- they stop talking. now why is that? is it a scary thing to have a baby? do i scare people now? haha; it makes me laugh.. i just thought i'd share that with everyone.

hmmm.. i have to get a costume for saturday.. it's the costume party at the bar.. i'm waitressing. so i'm thinking of ideas.. help!

kelly, if you're reading this in school- leave me a note telling me what time your computer class is so i can get online to talk to you!

well, i'm off to bed.. gonna try to get some sleep before i have to get up with gabrielle.

<3

4 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2004 17 October :: 1.25 pm
:: Mood: cold.. i don't think that's a mood, but oh well.
:: Music: the river runs through it [a good movie]

i'm so cold, my fingers hurt. *turns up the heat*

we went to the doctors on friday for gabrielle. she now weighs 9 pounds, 13 ounces.. she gained a pound and 2 ounces in a week and a half.. goodness! but everything else is okay, she's a healthy little girl!

i went to the mall friday night and bought her the cutest outfit from the gap.. [i spent all my money, because they're so expensive there..] but it was worth it, because it is so cute.

today i think jim is coming to get me and the baby around 5-6, then we're going to get a crib for jims house out his dads. we'll see.

4 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2004 14 October :: 10.23 pm
:: Mood: grumpy

so, jim the baby and i were supposed to go to the mall, but since jims car is broke.. he had to find a ride to meet his probation officer.. and he couldn't get a ride back, so we didn't go. my mom, the baby and i went. i bought myself some new clothes. :) i looked to buy gabby some things, but i didn't see anything that i liked. so after that we ran to wal*mart, then we went home.

*yawn*

cmnt.

:: 2004 14 October :: 6.21 am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: jim talking in his sleep.

yeah, i'm tired.. this is the 2nd time tonight i've been up. *yawn* but anyways, gabrielle just fell asleep. i just got done feeding her her bottle. i layed her on my bed right next to me- i'm scared she'll wake up if i move her into her bed. earlier tonight when i was burping her i went and sat on my couch and i fell asleep with her on my shoulder for an hour and a half.. haha. uh-oh, she woke up.

i better go before she starts crying.. update more later, lots to tell about yesterday.

[EDIT 6:35]

okay, i'm back. well lets see. yesterday was pretty boring after jim left.. i just waited for him to get back over here. i gave up on him coming over around 7:00, and took a nap because i had a migrane. thank goodness the baby was sleeping. i woke up about 5 minutes later to my cell phone ringing and it was jim. i was grouchy and we hung up. then the next thing i knew he was over here. *sigh* i love him.

well me, being the pig that i am was hungry for pizza so i called up the mingo twist n shake at 8:47 to order something (they close at 9:00!) but noooooo.. it was "too late" wtf? i was so pissed off. so jim made me order something from kuzins. [and of course i got a large chicken ranch pizza.] so he left to get it, and i went up my aunt loraines. thank god i gave him my cell phone to take with him.. because his car broke down. *sigh* sooo- my uncle don, donnie, jeff and myself went to pick him up. when we got back matt and jim went to get it towed [thanks a lot matt!!] so today hopefully matt can get off work to help with the car. so here i am now, bored, tired, and not able to sleep.

today, jim has to run to cokeburg to get his paycheck, get that cashed, come back here to look at his car [or maybe do that the other way around.] then go get the parts to fix it.. and then we're [jim, gabrielle and i] are going to the mall. awww.. i can't wait!

okay, well i'm gonna go brush my teeth then get something to eat.. *yawn* then if gabrielle doesn't wake up, i'll get some more sleep.

leave some comments, [even if you don't have a journal!!] i get bored!

[/EDIT 6:45]

<3<3

3 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2004 13 October :: 1.50 pm

i think i might re-do my journal again..
yes, i have no life- even with a baby.

my inspiration is..

this green dot.

on another note.. seven springs was okay, i had some fun, strolled gabrielle around the hotel. everyone was like "awwww" i was thinking to myself "stfu, leave us alone.." haha. anyways, we got home around 5:30 yesterday. i took a 4 hour nap and my mom watched gabrielle.. i felt like i got the shit beat out of me. i was so tired and weak. it was a long day. i woke up at 6:30, and then we walked all day til 4. meanwhile i was in pain because i'm still not completely healed from labor.. blah. i was a mess yesterday.

but i feel better now.

jim stopped down for his lunch break. :) that made me happy. he's gonna come back after he gets off work at 5 or 6.

*yawns* time to give gabrielle her bottle.

<3 you all.

2 cmnts. | cmnt.