spud
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2005 22 September :: 10.05am
es regnet...
DONNER UND BLITZ!!!
translation of previous:
i have a medium-sized family. my grandpa on my dad's side is named Wilson. my grandma on my dad's side is named Mary Jane. my grandpa on my mom's side (deceased) was named Harry. my grandma on my mom's side is named Wilma. My dad's name is Marty and my mom's name is Roxanne. My parents are divorced, and both have 3 siblings. my stepfather's name is Bruce. my stepmother's name is Kathy. i have one sister, Libby. and also 2 dogs.
see? now YOU can learn german too!
2 Open Fire |
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spud
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2005 22 September :: 1.30am
:: Mood: zombie
:: Music: the sounds of silence (no, really...)
my boundless awesomosity
alright. so i finished Gargantua. i won't say it was a waste of time. but good gravy. they kicked everyones ass... then were really humble and gracious about it. everyone got what they wanted. and the monk started an abbey for hippies. and it went ON AND ON about what the hippies wore, and what they did, and the architecture of the abbey and whose butts they wiped with downy goosenecks in altruistic generosity...zzzzz. then the riddle about tennis. wtf? eh. i'll let it go. Rabelais was a heavy drinker. that's my reasoning.
but i'm most proud of meine haus-arbeite in Deutsch. okay. i don't remember how to say "homework". so sue me. i at least remembered enough to kick total ass on it. i had to write 8-10 sentences about my family tree. here 'tis:
Ich habe eine mittelgroße Familie. Mein Großvater väterlicherseits heißt Wilson. Meine Großmutter väterlicherseits heißt Mary Jane. Mein Großvater mütterlicherseits (verstorben) heißt Harry. Meine Großmutter mütterlicherseits heißt Wilma. Mein Vater heißt Martin und meine Mutter heißt Roxanne. Mein Eltern ist geschieden und auch haben drei Geschwistern. Mein Stiefvater heißt Bruce. Meine Stiefmutter heißt Kathy. Ich habe eine Schwester Libby. Und auch zwei Hund.
11 sentences. and i used a couple of words that WEREN'T ON THE PAGE!!!! meaning, i remembered them. and used them accurately. i just hope i spelled them right. well, i got hund right, obviously. i'm worried more about gescheiden and geschwistern. they're close.
she'll know what i meant. *blows raspberry*
aren't you all overjoyed at my success in multilingual endeavours?
i'm sure.
i'll go take a shower now. and i wouldn't oppose a nap tomorrow afternoon. but i'll be expecting a phone call sometime between the hours of 4 and 9... so, maybe no nap. that's alright. it's worth it.
i have to write 3 papers before next wednesday. it's only because i've put them off for this long. damn that procrastination.
if i played my music really loud, i wonder how long it would take Kelsey (my R.A.) to come yell at me. i passed her on the sidewalk today. i think she smiled at me. for some reason she's usually scowling at me. well. i smiled back. and bekah said hi today too. although, it's hard for her to not pass by every once in awhile... her room's at the end of the hall. and i've half given up on communications mystery girl (i don't remember her name). she seems pretty interested in Pat. not that i blame her. he's a fucking cool guy. eh. i was gonna ask her about the musical today, but she wasn't done with her test yet. so i just left. and i think Cara and i are doing the study group thing tomorrow. marcus seems kind of unreliable. i'm going to suggest the library. it's a good place to pick up on vibes and stuff. i mean, research things. and print things off. because the lappy hasn't miraculously started spewing printed pages out its front just yet.
sorry. i'm rambling.
shower time.
8 Open Fire |
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jayzulla
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2005 22 September :: 12.42am
so yeah, me b and craig just went to meijer. and guess what we saw. a fat white girl, sucking a black guys ding dong. oh yeah, it was in the parking lot, about 10 yards from the door. fucking nuts, and gross. no pun intended.
5 Open Fire |
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spud
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2005 21 September :: 10.15pm
:: Mood: tired.
:: Music: Genesis - nursery cryme
blehg, etc.
is it wrong that i just want to crawl into bed.
i need to at the very least finish my German HW. and i really should do the rest of Gargantua... so that way i can get machiavelli out of the way tomorrow during lunch. i hope that's enough time. then tomorrow night i need to write my paper for Professor Eick.
in other news, we got the drive flanges back on the donor transmission - with new seals, of course. and i halfway disassembled the drivers side inner CV joint, due to contaminants in the grease. i couldn't fully disassemble it without removing it from the shaft, so i just did what i could. so, i have grease for packing on friday, once the new transmission is in. it'd be silly to pack them sooner. and i have new fluid for friday, so i can flush the system once. and then i'll run it for awhile, then put the primo fluid in, as soon as i can find the shit. i figure the cheap stuff won't hurt for a couple thousand miles anyway. and i'm pretty sure this transmission doesn't have an LSD. gar. oh well. i'm not about to tear it apart now. i'll just crack the other one open when dad gets a shop. hopefully it won't become any more urgent than that. and i'll need to find a home for the bad transmission until such a time that i CAN crack into it.
i think friday's going to be a huge PITA, because i'll need to realign all the motor mounts and everything. i'd like to try and clean things up a bit down there too... but that probably won't happen. and i'd like to swap out the shift lever while i'm in there. but that might have to wait. it'll just be nice to have the linkages properly aligned again. and *cross your fingers* have a full fluid reservoir. that would be fantabulous. i still need to roll the fenders and maybe raise the front end a little bit. hector shyed me away from that. he's a big fan of the low center of gravity... obviously. but at the very least, i should at least sure up the exhaust while it's up in the air. and i'd like to get that floor pan taken care of. but i've monopolized karl's garage for long enough. the car will be out and rollable by the time i leave friday. i don't care how long it takes. it's getting done.
but sadly, my homework isn't; not with me prattling on, here, now is it? well, i bid you all a fond adieu. and with much ado (of course).
love and stuff. < i'm awaiting your call... :-) >
[x]
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rayray
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2005 21 September :: 8.08pm
I'm moving out.
Jim's being kicked out.
The cops may come.
Fuckin' yay.
[x]
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spud
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2005 20 September :: 9.01pm
:: Mood: pissed. at myself. like always.
:: Music: Genesis - selling england by the pound.
Gargantua and Pantagruel...
so. that was a brilliant way to waste three hours. because i have SO much spare time...
i'm a moron.
and after it all, i still didn't save any fucking lives!
and on the walk back i heard the snares practicing late. god i miss it.
i seriously think i'm going to try and get into the pit. if there is a pit.
it's late. i have a quiz tomorrow. and a test. and. ugh.
i totally fucked myself this weekend. and next weekend is filling up incredibly fast.
saturday:
- car to billy's / board from billy's.
- jackie party thing... (permitting i'm still invited.)
sunday:
- tunnel park BBQ. which i may have to scrap. but i really don't want to.
and i need to figure out when i can do coffee with mle.
i do it to myself.
that's probably why it makes me so mad.
5 Open Fire |
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rayray
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2005 20 September :: 7.27pm
Went to Mackinac with Justy and Bethy Saturday night. Arrived back home about 9 Sunday morning. Sunday I went to his open house, and then slept for a few hours on Kaylieghs couch. Then went to work. Went to Brians after work, and we cuddled by the fire eating s'mores. Then slept all day. And then went to work. Today I went to leave his house. I get about 5 miles from his house, and just my freakin' luck. I have a flat tire. So I send text messages and try calling him. I have NO service. I'm in the middle of fucking no where. No service. Thankfully he got the first text message and came looking for me. I call my mom from his phone, and she starts bitching at me. I lose signal. Service kept going in and out so she kept trying to call. So she's pissed off. But tomorrow I'm getting new tires. I have to have an MRI. Brian is going with me, so that I don't have to go alone. Then thursday after work, he's helping me move to Kaylieghs.
2 Open Fire |
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spud
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2005 20 September :: 10.38am
:: Mood: ... okay, i guess
:: Music: BnL - the wrong man was convicted
fer teh fil!
Dear Christopher,
I would be happy to talk with you. The first thing I think you should do is come down to a Symphony rehearsal at DeVos Hall. See what your schedule is for next week. We can do sort of a job shadow thing. I would recommend next Thursday evening. That is our dress rehearsal for our next Classical concert. I could talk with management about you sitting up on stage with us. also our recording engineer will be there and you can meet him and talk with him. In the mean time my phone number is 446-XXXX. I would ask that you do not give that out to anyone since it is my cell phone. I look forward to talking with you.
Sincerely,
David Gross, Principal Timpanist
Grand Rapids Symphony
3 Open Fire |
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jayzulla
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2005 20 September :: 12.08am
If anyone has an extra code thing for the free journal and wants to give it to me that would be great. brenton wants a woohu. thanks cats.
anyways, incase you havnt heard b and craig now live with us. gravy moved out and they took his spot.
oh yeah, and that rumor about ramiro hitting the bike is bullshit. and whoever started it/talks about needs to stop. the bike hit him. iv seen his car, and the back end is fucked to shit. so stop, its not true.
oh yeah, i started playing pokemon again. ^^.
poke fucking masta
4 Open Fire |
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spud
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2005 19 September :: 10.48am
this is dated january 18, 2005
Dear Mr. Gross,
i'm not really too sure where to start, because my request is obscure, and my story is equally bizarre. i guess my best bet is to just give a brief rundown.
my name is Christopher Best. i am a senior at Cedar Springs High School. when i took my SATs i got a 750 in math and expressed an interest in music. the Peabody Conservatory received these statistics and sent me a mailing advertising their Recording Arts and Sciences program. every single thing i read in the letter really seemed to nail my situation. that mailing is practically the sole cause of my interest in peabody. i have, since i received the letter, applied to the peabody and have scheduled an audition. an audition which is in a little over a month. i've been asking around about what i can expect, because i've never done this before, and have been disappointed. what can i say? Cedar is the farthest place in the world from culture, and my family is useless. i've always had a knack and a passion for music, but i lack an extremely formal education. i'm in school band, i've been to Blue Lake, and i dabble in my spare time - of course i'm always LISTENING to music - but that's really about it. i believe i have the capacity and potential to do great things in music, but i'm also extremely afraid i got in over my head. i expressed this fear to my M.S.W. , and he suggested talking to somebody from the Symphony. a phone call later i was provided with your email from the 'personnel manager,' i believe it was (he was exceedingly cordial). so, i'm just hoping to get to talk so somebody sometime, or at least get some feedback from a person who knows better what the heck is going on - because i'm a tad bit lost. for all the 'help' and 'career advisement' that i've been offered, they really left me hanging.
anything at all that you can offer me will be beneficial, even if it's consolation for being delusional. i was just looking for some straight talk from anyone who had the credentials to give it.
i have also sent an email identical to this one to your associate, Mr. Hall.
many preemptive thanks,
Christopher Best
... wow.
a lot has changed. my home. my girlfriend. my college. my lifestyle. everything.
in under a year, my life has undergone a total revamp.
and yet i'm still the same guy i've always been. nothing special. nothing fancy. wow.
just amazing. and i never would've guessed it.
5 Open Fire |
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spud
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2005 18 September :: 11.06am
etc.
well. i picked up the transmission yesterday... it was filthy. so i took it back to karl's and bathed it in mineral spirits. it's still ugly... but it's a darn sight better than it was. now i'm going to flush it out with brakleen and try and get the exterior nice and pretty. i might even repaint the end cap thingy. that cool fluorescent green. mmm. anyway. oh, i also pulled both of the driveaxles. so, next phase is to get fluid, brakleen, new axles, maybe new seals for the donor tranny. hector's supposed to be showing up soon, so i'll ask him about the next phase of the operation. and i thought it was really interesting that karl had the bentley for a '79 rabbit. i was disappointed i didn't have access to it sooner. because i would have used it like crazy on the blue bunny. speaking of which, i finally found someone to take it.
bruce and i went to buses by the beach last night, and i talked to billy. next saturday we're gonna trailer the blue bunny over to billy's house. i give him the rabbit and 250, and he gives me a really nice 24 channel, 4 buss, Mackie board. SCORE!!!! not only do i get rid of my old crap. which i will miss dearly. but i also get newer cooler crap. always awesome.
yeah. that's all. i mean, i haven't done any homework... but at least i'm making some sort of progress. it's a very refreshing sensation.
but i still smell like grease and mineral spirits. it feels good.
LOVE! PEACE! SEXUAL INDISCRETION!
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rayray
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2005 17 September :: 11.22pm
Someone go to mackinac with me. I want to see the sunrise..
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rayray
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2005 16 September :: 1.11pm
:: Mood: *blah*
:: Music: *to make you feel my love - garth brooks*
*never thought it'd hurt this bad. never thought i'd feel this much pain*
Calling into work tonight. Have no strength left. Im so sick. I think I have mono. Or I am just really worn out. From all the crying, from all the pain, from everything thats going on right now. I keep getting short of breath. Wednesday I have to have an MRI.. (for my knee) The 30th I have a re-check appointment. Im sick of doctors. The only reason I have all these fucking doctors appointments is because of Brian. I should force him to go with me to have the MRI. I hate them. I'm afraid of them. I get scared and freak out. Who the fuck knows. yay I have cramps too.. This week couldn't get any better if I tried.
Did I tell you the best part? Mom and Jim got in a fight. She was strong, she was going to get rid of him. Do you think it happened? Fuck NO. He was nice to her. He sucked his fucking retarded ass up to her. And she caved. So we have dinner at smyrna last night. And he treats me like shit. We get in a heated argument. And who's defended, definately wasn't me. We get home, and about an hour later he starts telling me to tell Brian he wants to talk to him. And saying all this shit about what he's going to do to him for hurting me. And he starts crying.
My pain is from being here. I am fine when I'm not here. This is not a home. It's not a family. It's a box of pent up anger.
Once again, I found myself crying as I drive 65 on a curvy road in the pouring down rain. Almost lost control this time. Kind of funny how I wasn't scared. It was like I wanted to lose control. Just to see what would happen. To see if I'd make it out alive.
Someone come hold me.
My address is 519 James St. Belding, Mi 48809.
Put it in mapquest.
Drive here.
Hold me.
Please.
You know you want to.
I don't care who.
1 Open Fire |
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spud
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2005 16 September :: 10.15am
:: Music: the verve pipe - ominous man
was ist das wetter heute?
es regnet. und kühle.
i think one of my current favorite words (there's a running tally) is this:
mêlée.
just because of the crazy accents.
i love these headphones. and recording at 1 Mbps.
sleep is better, though.
lederhosen auf der tische. i think i've said that one before. or is it dem tische? fuck.
4 Open Fire |
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spud
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2005 15 September :: 10.45pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: DMB - so much to say
Wie geht's? gut?
some people 'round here seem to have taken an upturn. some a downturn. so i guess we'll call mine a.... funny turn.
"i once had a bad turn in a booth."
oh, james bond, you heartthrob. what'll i ever do with you? aside from contract syphillis...
i'm sick of being an ass. and i'm sick of being unjustifiably tired. not exhausted. just a little sloth. enough to make me useless. but for no good reason.
i dropped the car off today. tomorrow i meet hector to pick up the bentley. then i'm off to detroit on saturday to pick up the new transmission. then saturday-day i'll attempt the swap. permitting nothing is screwy. which, it very well may be. gah. i don't want to think about all the potential catastrophes.
i think tomorrow night i'm going to go to buses by the beach with teh MUB (Mutter und Bruce). hopefully i can talk to billy about the mixing board. assuming he hasn't sold it already. i got sick of calling. i felt like he was avoiding me. this way i'll have him cornered.
and i wanted to call jackie tonight... but i didn't get home until 10:30 or so. shit fuckers. i guess it'll happen tomorrow. i hate this. i shouldn't have to just squeeze her in. it's just plain wrong. i should have all the time in the world for her. well, i do have lots of free time. it's just between 10am and 1pm. and she's busy during those hours.
it has switched to Heart - Dog and Butterfly.
i love WMA shuffle...
too bad defragging the hard drive takes about 6 hours with all that shit on here. i actually had to take some off, just for enough free space to defrag properly. geh. i'm gonna do homework now.
Ich studieren die Kommunikationswissenschaft. Wunderbar.
auf wiedersehosen...
1 Open Fire |
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rayray
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2005 15 September :: 7.50pm
And the pain just keeps piling up. Physical and emotional. Lungs are still telling my body to stop breathing. Heart is still saying give up there's no use. Physically I have stopped crying. Mentally/Emotionally it's all I'm doing on the inside. Is it wrong that I am going to him to find comfort? Some of the pain has been caused by him, but he makes me smile. He makes me happy. He makes all my pain disappear. I talked to him for two and a half hours today. I told him that I made a mistake. That I didn't want to tell him not to tell me anymore that he loves me. And he said he was tired of not being able to say it. I miss him. When he hugged me this morning after work, I didnt want to let go.
Fuckin A already. Give me some answers. Other than moving on.
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rayray
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2005 15 September :: 6.01pm
"Misery"
I cry myself to sleep again tonight
'Cause I cannot hold you tight
I wish I could see you again tomorrow
To take all this sorrow, sorrow
I'm hollow
When I touch you
Can you feel it
When I need you
Can you give it
When I look in your eyes
Can you see me
When I fall, fall
Will you catch me, catch me, catch me
[Chorus:]
Misery is what I feel
When you're not around
So I can't heal
Misery is what I feel
Is what I feel [Repeat]
These tears on my face
Are for you
I wish that I could hold you
Touch you, feel you
My heart is bleeding Can't you see
I wish that you could hold me
Touch me, feel me
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spud
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2005 15 September :: 12.21pm
:: Music: WMA shuffle...
Sex...
i think it's funny... but there we are.
i still can't speak german. but two of my vocab words will be difficult to forget.
dick = fat.
schlank (with an 'ahh' sound) = slender.
so, you might have a dick dick. or there are those of us with schlank shlongs.
i just had to get that out of my system.
3 Open Fire |
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rayray
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2005 15 September :: 8.00am
I'd like to explain everything right now. But I can't. I'm not strong enough. I completely lost it, trying to explain to my mom what was wrong. I'm not strong enough to get through this on my own. So he's helping me. Probably not the best of ideas, considering he's part of the reason I'm hurting. I cried from about 7:30-9:30 last night as well. I had tears in my eyes until my lunch at work. He knows the pain I feel. I don't have to tell him. He can see it. He wants to help. I talked with him on my lunch. And on my last break. By my last break I was so drained. My body was shutting down. I looked so sad and weak. I am. When my break was over, I said "Well have fun, I am going to go die from all this pain" and just walked off. I didn't mean it literally. He came running over to my press, which was at the other end of the factory and goes "think of how shitty and sad and depressed and worthless you would feel if your mom were to tell you that jim was your real dad... because thats how I felt when you said you were going to go die from all the pain." and left with tears in his eyes. And of course I started crying. Thankfully he came over on his break. And he's going to call me today so we can talk somemore. He told me that when he comes to work sunday night he expects lots of pictures of bunnies, dogs and rainbows. (long story). I made a huge mistake telling him that I didn't want to hear him tell me that he loves me. Its why I keep crying. This weekend the only time I am leaving my room is to go to Justy's open house.
2 Open Fire |
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rayray
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2005 14 September :: 6.13pm
Cried from 5:30-12:30. Slept from 12:30-3. Cried from 3-4ish. Now I just sit in silence trying to keep myself from crying. Work shall be a fucking blast.
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spud
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2005 13 September :: 4.33pm
:: Mood: hungry hippo
:: Music: Heart - Even it up.
why i love hector...
"I have been preparing various parts of the site for the chat room. Preparations A-G have all been completed. The Chat room is Preparation H and I think it is to the point now where it feels good to use, on the whole."
the man is hilarious. and this isn't even his best work. but it makes par. which is good enough for me.
i think it's about time for dinner. i've had 2 pop tarts and a granola bar.
it's good to be home. but it's still missing something... i'm still missing someone...
love and stuff, guys.
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jayzulla
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2005 13 September :: 4.16pm
my prof. is one funny ass guy. crazy talk.
1 Open Fire |
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spud
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2005 12 September :: 11.47pm
:: Mood: sleepy
shit. i miss her.
and i just realized... shaney now has a picture of me with james on my lap. i think that's some sort of inescapable induction into the family.
not that i'm trying to escape. in fact... for some reason, i'm trying to get in. yeah, you know the reason. and yes, i still miss her.
"kids these days... it's always 'sex, sex, sex' all the time..." - life of brian.
i need to stock up on lube. that shit is not cheap.
oh well. we won't ever have the opportunity to use it anyway.
"yeah, and monkeys fly out of my butt."
10 Open Fire |
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rayray
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2005 11 September :: 1.44pm
Today I spent a good $300 at Best Buy. Got a digital camera and 512 mb memory card for it.
yay me. I feel sad and splurge on myself.
1 Open Fire |
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rayray
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2005 8 September :: 8.14am
:: Mood: *tired*
:: Music: *if - butch walker*
*ask me if i care and i will give you the answer that will make you dance*
So I first get to work, and we play musical press'. Didn't want to be on 23, Melissa didn't want to be on 18 and 19 and Les wanted to so Sonic Weld. Les gave in and traded me. Melissa traded Nelida, not caring what she thought. Nelida traded Christine. So Christine got the shaft. And I got the shaft by ending up doing Sonic Weld with Melissa and stinky bobble head boy. However, a piece of the press broke off. So it was down for two hours while they welded the piece back on. Yippy fun!. I felt bad for pretty much making Les trade me, so I went over and filled out labels for him. I get home from work and everything around my house is strange. I walk into the kitchen to find a large mound of flour on the floor. And my mom tells me that Jim was sleep walking again. So I get something to eat and was then going to clean the pete, seymore, and igby's cages. Well in the process of cleaning the birds cage and feeding him, I managed to dump the entire thing of bird food on the floor. When cleaning the bunnies cage, I'm dumping the pan into a bag outside, and a fork drops out. Now I know that bunnies can't shit forks. So my only guess, is that Jim put it there. I come back inside and he's awake so I tell him of the mess in the kitchen he has to clean up. Of course he gets pissed off, but does it anyway. Now I am sitting here, because I have a dentist appointment at 11, and if I go to sleep then I won't wake up. That and I have to start gathering around my laundry so that I can do it when I go to Brians. Plus I am waiting for someone to get online, because he told me last night he wanted to tell me more of his honest opinion of me to try and help me better myself. Kind of weird if you ask me. But he is a little different. What kind of friend tells you that he'll get up early so he can talk to you before you go to the dentist...
My sister and future brother-in-law are coming up saturday. Hopefully I get to see them. If I don't I'll be sad. But I will understand. As of right now I'm not scheduled to work this weekend, but that is liable to change. Yep. I wish that my only clean sweatshirt wasn't in my car, because I'm kind of cold, and my car is a long way away.. Oh well..
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jayzulla
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2005 7 September :: 6.43pm
well, first class today was pretty cool. the prof. was pretty cool.
anyways, having a little shindig at the apartment tonight, call if you're interested.
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rayray
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2005 7 September :: 3.20pm
Maybe it's not a 'special gift' that he can tell whats wrong by looking into my eyes. Maybe it's the fact that I show so much emotion through my eyes. I make it bluntly obvious whats wrong. The way I act hints towards it so much. When I'm hurting, in a round about way, I let people know and I just wait for them to try and help me. Most of the time they don't realize it and just carry on about their ways. But he's actually taken the time to help me when I'm hurting. To get to the bottom of things to try and make me feel better. When we hug, I feel like I have just said everything thats on my mind. I feel so refreshed and relaxed. I've grown so attached that I'm afraid to let go. If he were to leave me, or I were to get scared enough to just give everything up, my world would crumble. I feel dependent on him. I don't like that feeling. I'm not okay with that feeling. I feel like I am trying to talk myself into telling him goodbye and removing myself from his life. I only feel that way because my family is so against it. The family that makes me feel uncomfortable to be around. The family that is judgemental and hardly gives anyone a chance. The family that dislikes everyone I hang out with or talk to. The family that tells me they are proud of me, yet will sit there and make me feel like I am not good enough for this family or to do the things I want. The family that makes me feel neglected and like I don't belong anywhere. The family that has never actually felt like a family. The family that has hurt me more than anyone. They don't care about what I want or what makes me happy. They care about whether or not it makes them happy or makes them comfortable. They don't understand me at all. Not a single person in my family understands me. No one has ever tried to understand me. If they don't like one of my decisions they give me the third degree, and lecture me. They won't take the time to see my side of it. There are several reasons as to why I created the 'one month rule'. (1) To keep myself from getting attached to someone so much that I actually love that person and then get hurt or hurt them. (2) Fear of finding that one person and spending the rest of my life with him. (3) I made myself easily scared. I locked myself up so much that I was just a shell with a short fuse. (4) Because my family made me feel like they weren't good enough to give a chance. That I could do better than someone who made me happy. That their looks weren't good enough. Or their personality wasn't good enough. Or just something about them wasn't right. I never gave any of the guys I dated a chance. I'd find something about them and let it annoy me. I'd find reasons to break up with them. Or I'd make myself so unloveable they'd break up with me. With Jay, I gave it two weeks, and ended it for reasons I don't remember and because I was so hooked on Brad. I gave Ben two weeks as well and I was still so hooked on Brad. Adam I gave 2 months, and everything was fine when I broke up with him. I got close to Ramiro, but never gave him a chance. A.J. got the longest out of me, but only because I was so distant from him. I hardly saw him, I never opened myself up. We hardly talked. I started to open myself up to Ryan but I pulled back. I pulled back enough that he broke up with me. And I made him hate me. With Jason, I couldn't stand that he lived with his ex who he considered his best friend. With Shaun, things were fine. And I could have gotten over the fact that he constantly interrogated me. Now I realize that he only did it because he cared. He tried to get me to open up to him. He tried to get me to love him. He tried so hard and I gave him nothing. It was so hard for me to get myself to break up with him. But I don't regret it because now I have Brian. I have given him my all. I tried to distance myself and pull back. But he pulled me back in. He wouldn't let me. I'm not going to get my hopes up thinking it's going to last forever. In the back of my mind, I feel like it's not going to last much longer. But I hate having that feeling. I'm going to try my hardest to make it last. I'm trying my hardest to keep myself from getting scared and running away..
Thats all for now..
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spud
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2005 7 September :: 10.01am
Ich spreche Deutsch! (und lieben sie...)
1 Open Fire |
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spud
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2005 6 September :: 11.26pm
What I usually do is buy another tranny, referb the seals and swap them out. Then you can referb the one you yanked out for when the one you installed goes out, which usually takes about a year.
I can meet you after work anytime you want in GR with the Bentley. Good luck, trannys suck.
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Hector VonDub
::MIVE-->Webmaster-->Photographer-->Pervert
¨€¨€¨€2000 GTI VR6 ¨€¨€¨€ 1989 Cabby ¨€¨€¨€ 1984 Rabbit GTI
this doesn't bode well.
shit.
2 Open Fire |
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rayray
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2005 6 September :: 8.50pm
My mother treats me like I'm still in high school. She treats me different from how she treated my siblings after they graduated. She keeps trying to tighten down on me. I'm sorry but I am not going to come home just to do hers and jims dishes. Last I knew, they were both capable of doing dishes. I'm not going to help fold clothes when my laundry isn't even in there. I do my own laundry. I'm sick of living in a house where I don't feel comfortable. Where I am expected to do this and do that right fucking now, just because mom said. I need out.
I told her saturday that if she bought anymore baskets for the house, that I was moving out. Which I was very serious about. She comes home today, with like 6 more baskets. And I say "I told you that if you brought home anymore, I was gone.. I already have a place in mind so I'll be calling on that and hopefully be able to move in this weekend." But she doesn't think i will. And part of why I am so anxious to leave is because she doesn't think I will.. .
What to do..
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