mudpiegrl
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2004 24 December :: 12.52pm
yay for my dad!
he went theatre college searching and found this funniness.
if you are not involved in the techie half of theatre, i fear you will not understand...
The Tech's Files
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mudpiegrl
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2004 24 December :: 12.06pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Mannheim Steamroller Christmas Extrodinare
christmas eve eve
i want to go back to writing. i miss it. and drawing.
i saw finding neverland tonight with the sandy kim and trixy. it was really good. i cried.
i love spending time with them. they made the day not crappy, which, had i gone to festivus, it would have been. but instead we went to stunkels and movie and made cookies and opened presents. it was a party! really, it was the bestest "festivus" minus wrestling and confessions ever!
everyone got me zim stuff! yay! i love this show.
two minutes before christmas eve.
and the incubus dvd "alive at red rocks".
apparently, im predictably obsessive.
im going to drop neils present off in his mail box.
then leave a message.
no need to see him apparently.
so much for ice skating.
he's upsetting. i hate how you can have the most wonderful days and then come home and all the bad stuff rushes back to your head as if tomorrow will never come with more time to think about it. you dont get the opportunity to bask in the goodness of one day.
i hate home.
i'm going to re-read this journal some time from now and realise how odd my life went. how much i changed and what went wrong in things.
ill remember what i never wrote because i didnt need to; still having photographic evidence in my brain.
yay for not caring to scrapbook. scrapbooking captures only good times. people always are smiling in the pictures. they make you miss people because you remmeber how funny they are/were. but a journal remembers your emotions toward that person at certain times, and correctly dates (sometimes) the events, therefore organizing them chronologically.
im going to go to bed. goodnight and sweet dreams of a person you know you cant have.
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mudpiegrl
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2004 22 December :: 11.33pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: who cares?
there are so many of those moods that i am. very indifferent to all the presents people are giving me. i love them but then the situation's still the same so its like a momentary high. im frustrated with my mum. i just want to be left alone because its not something anyone understands apparently. they tell me to talk to him but how am i supposed to talk to someone who tells me "dont be mad at me"? so im angry at that and sad cuz he's not being a boyfriend. ive seen him three of the six days he's been home, which hasnt been since thanksgiving. festivus is clearly more important than getting his gift. i promise i wont call him until after christmas, except to say merry christmas to him and his family.
my lips are dry and hurt. my body hurts and im exhausted. i just want to sleep, but the more i think about neil, the more prospective all the above (or below) listed guys sound. i want to persue jeramiah, even if only for a week in january (he lives in rockford). stunkel'd be fun too, but i wouldnt want to leave him at home. it's too tough of a situation. matt smith is by far the hardest to pass up.
today i went to his house and he's so comfortable and gentle, yet playful and not nervous. he leaned over me to look at the cd that i asked him a question about cuz it was on the table, and i just wanted to kiss him. im really having difficulty.
neil didnt even try to get me to the door to say goodbye. i dont think he cares that im being distant. either that or he hasnt noticed.
hm...where'd that come from? i think i drooled on my pants.
goodnight. im going to work tmro. i sort of like not having a life. relationships dont change in your head if you dont keep up with them.
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mudpiegrl
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2004 21 December :: 3.51pm
:: Mood: working
:: Music: was Nightmare b4 xmas
im bored. shonsky's fixing the vcr-reciever-tv-cd connection. not for me to do. yay...cheerleaders...
its a video from two years ago. a senior video.
so last night i sort of flipped out and stunkel, mushroom, and campy were there. i feel bad but my mum was being super bitch again. she wouldnt believe that i was at the mall. she thought i meant that i had been there from ten in the morning until eleven at night. had she looked at the book that i gave her of all the things i have planned, she would have known that. also, had she just asked, she would have understood. i originally got mad cuz i have never done anything to give her a reason not to trust me. i dont drink, smoke or drugs, i dont steal, i havent gotten a speeding ticket, im doing better with my grades.
so now it's 1:26am on 22 december. im no longer at work. im even more exhasted now. i went to allstate, and then worked....and worked, oh and guess what? worked while other people were partying where i work. this is the second time im typing this cuz i hit something and it all went away.
i spent the day with stunkel on monday. he is so fun, he makes you feel good. he makes you laugh so much you forget everything else in your life. now that i think about it, thats why i want to go back to allstate. i am so busy, within three straight days, i thought about my family and shitiness for a whole ten minutes. thats 10/2160 minutes. matt smith makes me feel good about myself. he knows the right thing to say and he's not afraid to be close. jeremiah is at allstate. he's sooo cool. i almost wish i didnt have neil just so i could flirt and joke and not feel bad about it. i actually dont that much anymore. angela and laura killed the ultra flirtiness; now its just fun. all these guys are smart and can figure out that girls dont want to be ditched for certain stuff, other things of which they could be taken to and be included. or even be ignored.
btw, i think neils ignoring me. granted, he's sick. but when im sick, (and everyone i know), i want to be around someone special, just to be held. but he told me not to come. and he didnt come to my show. and he wont come to the other. he wont come to stunkels because he's going to festivas. so ive seen my boyfriend 2/5 of the days he's been home, when i havent seen him since thanksgiving.
jens sort of getting the point, but i know she still has more interesting things to think of. i should have been telling her all my frustrations last night, but shes never there for me anymore...not that she was ever easy to talk to.
my horoscope today said basically that because ive been "doggedly persueing my future", a get-together would "make [me] realise how much [i] really mean to people."
it makes sense. i still feel sad though. i dont want to be like YKW.
i want to go ice skating. i wanted to go with neil, but i dont know if that'll happen. i dont want to finish his xmas present because i got him and i matching rings. i want to get frames for our homecoming and prom pictures. maybe ill just get an xbox controller (used) and be done.
im exhausted. g'night. sweet dreams of "the one hiding under your stairs with fingers like snakes and spiders in [his] hair!"
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mudpiegrl
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2004 20 December :: 1.00am
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: nightmare before xmas
allstate...again...
so today was not all that bad...a few things went wrong on the show but eh, what can you do? hopefully downstate, stage left will know whats going on...
People Who Were Supposed to Come:
Mum
Dad
Elaine
Steve
Dorthea
Bernard
Jen
Mushroom
Neil
Natalia
Campy
Who ACTUALLY Came
Jen
Mushroom
Mum
Dad
i was really upset
neil didnt come. jen didnt comment on much
neil most likely wont go to the performance in champaign
i figured jen'd forget, but im proud of her for not
but i have to say that im sad she didnt even critisize, almost as if she fell asleep.
it's something thats really important to me. like normal shows are important, but i would hope that my closest friends and neighbours and such would care enough to come. oh well though.
one good thing came out of it.
my dad said that we have to talk about this school thing next year. he said "you cant go to CLC and actually go somewhere. you arent going to be focused on theatre, you're going to be too involved in other things. you know how you are."
I'm sort of happy about that.
i dont know.
the ISU kids were sorta mean about my portfolio. i have to redo pretty much everything, and the things that took the most work and i was most proud of just went ::woosh:: while they fell off the page.
neils sick
elaines sick
dorthea threw out her back
dogs still in pain from her "removal"
and jeramiah is perfect; a secret obsession, i guess.
if you care to ask, ill let you know...
or if im in the mood, ill tell you anyway...
sleep now...work tmro.....and the next day.
this break sucks so far and we're three days in.
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mudpiegrl
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2004 17 December :: 8.38am
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: ::type, type, type:: of patrices computer
Friday morning in the library
In a much better mood today. Patrice made me laugh. Shes good at that. The kid sitting in front of me has a duck on his shirt¡Kthat¡¦s weird for a boy. I suppose it depends what it says though. He¡¦s looking at cars online. And typing something. Then there¡¦s people who are writing papers and this is one of the few times I can stretch out and say ¡§ahh¡Kno papers to do.¡¨ It¡¦s freeing really. You should try it.
Today is the last school day for a while. I have to leave early for allstate. It scared me this morning when Christine came to my door and rung the doorbell.
I don¡¦t want to leave. Im going to miss frouny. And I kinda like school. ƒ¼
Oh well I guess. Preview of summer I suppose.
Neils coming tonight too. Which I should be excited about, but oddly enough, im not. In fact, im only scared and extremely nervous. Look my arms shaking¡Koh¡Knevermind¡Kthat would be the fact that it hurts from typing.
Patrice is typing in an orange box.
Last night I called neil, which I know I shouldn¡¦t do. I think ill take his name off my phonebook just so that I don¡¦t. I know it by heart though¡Kits okie I can second guess myself if I don¡¦t just press four.
I did my best not to complain. He told me I wont have a life if I work all the time but I told him its okie cuz id just be bored otherwise. I don¡¦t think he knows what its like to be idling in between friendships and stages of life. He¡¦s a boy who doesn¡¦t do too much paying attention. I feel like a car¡Kidling.
Yay¡Kone minute.
Happy holidays to the school¡K
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mudpiegrl
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2004 16 December :: 4.14pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: the furnace
frustation
I'm in latin. i want to write this to jen, but i9 know it is something so futile to her that she won't care. She is enveloped in herself and mushroomness.
Today, at lunch, we had a "family meeting". We discussed my needing to clean, tyler's unspecified grocery list, mum's patience, and the family's drinking habits. We were pretty objective through the most of it; it was a meeting to tell mum we are worried about her drinking. I began by saing how i dilike drinking so much and how it's embarressing that even my friends dont respect her through all her drunkenness. She says shell cut down. Who believes her but herself? Tyler proposed extracting all alcohol from the house. Dad offered an appointement with this counsler with whom he had to sort out his D.U.I. She denied it all and said she'd figure it out on her own. She said she needs a month to sx weeks. By 16 Januar, we will be rid of alcohol, if all goes accordingly. It wont through. But i think im the only on who kmnows that.
Th other uncoverd issue of my pathetic exhistence is my fear of neil breaking up with me. i think he's sick of dealing with me...
then again, in the bathroom i was just thinking how jen had me to care for her and now that something new has come in, she forgot about what i might need in return from her. and then thinking neil doesnt want me.
its odd, because both my brother and my pasts were very independent, at least mine anyway. we dont know what its like to have soemone genuinely care about us and the things we do. So the slightest bit of not paying attention lands me in exactly the same spot i hate people when they're in.
i've been talking to patrice which is good...i dont have to depend on neil, the kid who would rather talk to his floormates and play video games, or hope to talk to jen in the next week. not that patrice is a last resort. i try to leave people alone as much as i can. patrice hates being left out too and so id rather hang out with her than someone who is included and doesnt care to talk about depressing subjects, or rather, listen to me at all.
i figure ill be in trouble for this one, too. but then i figure i'd rather than not say antyhign. i think ill just write in this from now on because its a hell of a lot easier than trying to incorporate emotion into a conversation.
jen is no fair and i dont l,ike it. some best friend i guess...
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Aaron
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2004 5 December :: 7.02pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: The hollow, A Perfect Circle.
ALex G. is coming over for a while. this should be cool. anywho. Now for my new favorite song.
Run desire run
Sexual being
Run him like a blade
To and through the heart
No conscience
One Motive
Cater to the hollow
Screaming feed me here
Fill me up again
Temporarily pacify this hungering
So grow
Libido throw
Dominoes of indiscretions down
Falling all around
In cycles
In circles
Constantly consuming
Conquer and devour
Cause it's time to bring the fire down
Bridle all this indiscretion
Long enough to edify
And permanently fill this hollow
Screaming feed me here
Fill me up again
Temporarily pacifying
Feed me here
Fill me up again
Temporarily pacifying
PS: Tori, call me!!!
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mudpiegrl
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2004 5 December :: 4.00am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: 90.1
1.) Copy and paste this into your journal:
<*font color="yourusername"> <*b>yourusername<*/b> <*/font>
2.) (Eliminate the asterisks)
3.) See what color you are
mudpiegrl
battlestarre
woo funness...
today i went to caribou with patrice...
my plan for today was
1) buy slippers for mum for xmas
2) go to caribou, get coffee, work on paper
3) babysit
but patrice called as i pulled into target and i picked her up from her three hour "break" and i got slippers and we spent an hour in caribou, then i babysat...the paper worked itself out of it...
we talked about a lot...im glad too...
i know im going to be in trouble for this one, but she has this connection that i miss having. i had/have it with jen, but its rare i talk to her. same with sandy. and patrice. but it felt good today just to spill, and listen to her spill. with everyone else, its either one or the other, or just laughs and games. i could talk to patrice forever though. so many late nights.
babysitting was soo fun. the girls were the next door neighbours of the first people i babysat since i moved here in seventh grade. they recommend me. yay. ive never babysat just one child. two is the lowest and its gone up to five, which isnt as much as jen...but still never just one. there were two girls, both very imaginative and active. three and five and a half ( i remember when you were "five and a quarter", it was so exciting; life gets boring when you get old). they were fun. the parents were surprised that i made them clean up. they said i might possibly be the best babysitter they've ever had.
ama go sleep now.
g'night.
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mudpiegrl
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2004 14 November :: 7.20pm
:: Mood: bored
so im going through my away messages...
Andrew Warhola was born into a blue-collar family in Pittsburgh. He grew up, moved away to New York, became a graphic artist, and pretty much gave birth to the Pop Art movement. He made a name for himself painting Campbell's soup cans. He might be best known as being the guy who predicted: "In the future everybody will be world-famous for 15 minutes."
Would you like to meet this hot guy? Click HERE.
There are so many, many bad things in the world, but for some weird visceral reason, cannibalism is considered just about the worst. Depending on your point of view, it rises above even such criminal abominations as pedophilia, Rape and Genocide, but in the final analysis, it's what's for dinner.
Then again, we live in a culture in which people would run vomiting to the bathroom if they saw what went into making their McDonald's hamburgers, in which a cow is brutally killed with blunt-force trauma, its innards are outered, and then the whole thing is ground up into a mealy paste, intestines, feces, bones and all.
For more on this fascinating topic, click HERE.
...his insistence of removing portions of patients' bowels that he thought aided in spreading disease (due to rotten food overstaying their welcome within a body) and an amusing procedure wherein yogurt was given to both ends of the digestive system simultaneously.
His Cornflake idea, one of several "health foods" he developed over time, was taken by his brother Will and formed the base of the Kellogg's cereal empire. Dr. Kellogg wanted nothing to do with this bastardization of his invention and naturally went bazoo when the Kellogg's company started sugar-coating the flakes. A lawsuit ensued and the two brothers never spoke again. For some reason, neither the Kellogg's Cereal Company or the historical keepers of the name of Dr. Kellogg like to mention this.
~for more info on this appetizing topic, click HERE.
Dr. Jack Kevorkian, the Suicide doctor, should be getting more attention from the mainstream media. Instead, he rots in a prison cell, his only crime was to end the suffering of those who wanted to die. Perhaps he should not have flaunted his methods by videotaping the process and distributing the result.
Think of love as air...it surrounds you, but unless it blows in your face, or destroys soemthing close to you, like your house, or your friend, or you head, You dont know its there...and despite all the evidence we can produce in our minds to prove it non-existent, it is there.
In 1914, veteran conman Henri Landru hatched his all-time greatest "get rich quick" scheme. He placed a singles ad in the Paris newspapers.
He planned to seduce a wealthy respondent, con her out of her fortune, and kill her. It worked like a charm, and proved to be extremely lucrative. Over five years, Landru received more than 300 inquiries from interested women, out of which he pursued ten.
All told, the enterprise necessitated the deaths of 10 women, a young boy, and two dogs. He used poison to kill them. Then he cut up the bodies with a handsaw, incinerated the pieces in his stove, and dumped the ashes in his garden.
Landru's story later became the basis for a number of films, including Charlie Chaplin's 1947 dark comedy Monsieur Verdoux.
Want more on this lovely "widower"? click HERE.
"There was a machine designed for shredding plastic," she told the group." Men were dropped into it, and we were made to watch. Sometimes they went in head first and died quickly. Sometimes they went in feet first and died screaming. It was horrible. I saw thirty people die like this. Their remains would be placed in plastic bags and we were told they would be used as fish food. On one occasion, I saw Quesay (a son of Saddam) personally supervise these murders."
For more on this wonderful way to die, click HERE.
There was a mother who had a little boy who was very loveable and she worshipped him above everything. It happened that he became ill and died and she could not be comforted and wept day and night. Soon afterwards wehn the child had been buried it appeared in the places where it had played; and if the mother wept it wept also and when the morning came it disappeared. However the mother would not stop crying it came one night in the little white shroud in which it had been laid in its grave and with its wreath of flowers round its head and stood on the bed at her feet and said "Mother do stop crying or I shall never fall asleep in my coffin for my shroud will not dry because of all thy tears" The mother wept no more. The next night the child came. "Look, my shroud is dry" He then slept peacefully in his grave.
its snowing...its snowing...its snowing...its snowing...its snowing...its snowing...its snowing...its snowing...its snowing...its snowing... make a song and sing it when it snows...bounce around your house waking everyone up!
If you so must leave, %n, then i wish you chocolate-covered, candy-coated, cotton candy flavoured, bubblegummy sweet dreams!
dont cry, heres why:
~1 beautiful people dont cry
~2 its only for emotional show
~3 it wont make things better
~4 it might dehydrate you
~5 it only makes your cheeks wet anyway
"A hidden truth is more dangerous than a spoken lie." ~Frounfelter~
What makes the Walt Disney World theme park so interesting is not so much the park itself, with many extensions of the original plans of Disneyland and its incredible popularity as a destination spot, but all the amazing aspects of the Reedy Creek Improvement District, the government set up by Disney (which continues to this day) that was originally intended to govern EPCOT (the Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow) and give it the ability to live out Disney's dream of a perfect society.
Hm...continuing your deep thoughts, yes....
so...hello
~look outside....is it:
~snowing?
~raining?
~dark?
~light?
doesn't matter.
~the time is %t...
~kinda sux that time rules our lives, eh?
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mudpiegrl
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2004 13 November :: 1.56am
:: Mood: thoughtless
| Outgoing (E) 72.22% Withdrawn (I) 27.78%
Imaginative (N) 51.22% Realistic (S) 48.78%
Emotional (F) 52.63% Intellectual (T) 47.37%
Improvised (P) 57.89% Organized (J) 42.11%
| | You are an Inspirer, possible professions include - conference planner, speech pathologist, HR development trainer, ombudsman, clergy, journalist, newscaster, career counselor, housing director, character actor, marketing consultant, musician/composer, artist, information-graphics designer, human resource manager, merchandise planner, advertising account manager, dietitian/nutritionist, speech pathologist, massage therapist, editor/art director. | | Take Free Career Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
| Global Personality Test Results | Stability (67%) moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.
Orderliness (45%) medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun.
Extraversion (68%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.
| Take Free Global Personality Testpersonality tests by similarminds.com
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mudpiegrl
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2004 12 November :: 4.23pm
:: Mood: bored
so not much is happening now...erm...yup
later
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Aaron
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2004 8 November :: 10.46pm
:: Mood: Accomplished
:: Music: Lateralus, tool
I'd be honored if you'd fight along side me...today, now, forever.
YES! HA HA!!! YES, YES, YES!!! THIS IS SO AWESOME!!! She's so close to joining us now...so close to believeing. I can feel it... I can feel it in my blood, my bones, my very soul. This is just evidence that if you believe without any proof, proof will find you. God does keep his promises. But I musn't get cocky, the fight is far from over.
On a more solemn note, I must send my heart out to you, Tori. I have to say I'm proud. Proud of all you've conquered. Of all I know you can and will conquer. I'm deeply, deeply sorry for you uncle. May Lucipher be damned as soon as possible. Until then, I'll give him hell. And I would be honored, as would my father and king, if you would join me.
Forever live Jehova and his children.
Aaron.
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mudpiegrl
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2004 8 November :: 7.25pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Shrek II music in my head
sick, again
so now i want the soundtrack to shrek II.
im sick again.......how odd...ear infection i think. i think i can sense it and the doctors dont see it until its actually an infection. i wish they'd see it the first time.
i also wish the nurse at school would be nice and let me in just to check my ears. no. "you need a pass."
so my throat hurts and my ears and it hurts...
um all is well....im sooo excited to see the noo noo...he's coming on thanksgiving. i have to work tmro and wednesday.
i have a trig test tmro and have to pick my author for contemp fiction.
i think ill do E.L. Doctorow. he wrote ragtime which im supposed to read anyway. if not ill see if i can do gregory mcquire, but i think he's just a novelist. if i can do neither, ill pick one from the list. i have an idea because of stories we've read in class already.
::shrugs::
im liking the lazy week, although im slacking off more...oh, bad jorie. it's okie cuz once things start up again, ill do more homwork. :).
makes no sense eh?
now off to do forty five minutes of trig and read two more chapters of ragtime....
adios to all!!!
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Aaron
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2004 4 November :: 11.11pm
:: Mood: Argumentative
:: Music: Lateralus, tool.
Theism or evolutionism?
The question of god? What is there to question? It's a matter of intuition and heart. I hate it when people believe they can scientifically prove a belief of origins. It's impossible. It can't be scientifically proven unless it's observable repeatable or measurable. The origin of life is non of those things. sorry evolutionists. your theory of "if science can't prove it, it isn't true" doesn't work. if that were the case, then there would be no origin in which case we do not exist in which case all this world is in our non-existent heads. So.
I embrace my desire to feel the rythmn, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow. To feel inspired to fathom the power to witness the beauty to bathe in the fountain to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human
Spiral out keep going
spiral out keep going
spiral out keep going
spiral out keep going.
Later.
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