that is so retro

:: 2004 7 June :: 2.54pm

Hello everyone this is probably day 100 of Jessica's pathetic summer. lol I suppose I should make some effort to call someone but I am really far too lazy.

Yesterday went to see harry again with my mom then went to border's got a new book exciting stuff.

Lauren came home yesderday just got off the phone with her lol we are just...pathetic. Her car STILL isn't fixed! It's so annoying having to lie about someone else to my mom..."Jess did lauren get in an accident and you just don't want to tell me?"..."nope"

I can't wear shorts around the house anymore because my mom won't believe that the cut on my leg is from shaving. Everytime she sees it she asks and I look guilty everytime.

Talked to...well everyone last night danielle ashley p. altan lawerence Evan Jimmy...amusing stuff lol

Stitchless1221 (11:28:53 PM): lol. eww, jess. just because he is brad pitt doesnt mean his balls dont get all wrinkly

Stitchless1221 (12:11:56 AM): lol, yes! i am going to come and see you in my jessica shirt with my face painted that says "jessica brandi is my american idol. and i am going to have all these pins all over me with pictures of you and i will be holding you hit single "i am a bitch but at least i am loved and you are a loser that nobody likes to move to haiti

MisScarlet219 (12:22:59 AM): and she was like u know who u just looked like karen from will and grace
Stitchless1221 (12:23:48 AM): lol. well you are a drunken bitch that has brown hair and a big rack

MisScarlet219 (1:27:40 AM): thats y i watch the OC
MisScarlet219 (1:27:45 AM): im just like marissa
Stitchless1221 (1:27:54 AM): lol. at least you make things interesting
MisScarlet219 (1:30:32 AM): yeah
MisScarlet219 (1:30:45 AM): too bad im not rich and skinny and gorgeous like her
Stitchless1221 (1:31:37 AM): i dont know if you are rich or not. nobody really likes somebody that skinny. and you are wayy moe gorgeous than her

**lol if you ever need an ego boost talk to ashley**

Ottoman250 (11:24:46 PM): you are special to me, you truly are
Ottoman250 (11:24:57 PM): no woman can ever abuse me so bad like you can

Ottoman250 (11:41:23 PM): do u love him?
MisScarlet219 (11:41:55 PM): idk what love is

Ottoman250 (11:58:56 PM): you would look good with a tan i think
Ottoman250 (12:01:07 AM): i guess ur fair skin isnt that bad
MisScarlet219 (12:01:18 AM): lol oh it is acceptable to you?

Ottoman250 (12:30:08 AM): everytime i walk by i think hes like "haha im gay and i still have more girls than you altan"

**that kid is just so...odd there's no other words for it**

cheddarrump69 (12:36:52 AM): man i need to get a louis vitton hat

**no...no comment**

yeahh so Evan and I are...dating? again I never really know what it's called but whatever it is we are trying again...idk I told him he had to decide one way or another because I couldnt handle the back and forth thing I think this is gunna be our last shot hopefully it works out this time. We're going out friday anyway.

ok my fax maxhine is possessed it keeps ringing once...and then it stops I'm about to throw it out the window. Yeah well must go clean I'll update if anything interesting happens....or if I'm bored whichever comes first.

~love~

:: 2004 7 June :: 2.12pm
:: Mood: cramps
:: Music: with you

home all alone...its getting old
since mom is back in school and dad is working- i get to stay home and watch my siblings. what fun. reality check: i dont think i can get any more bored than i already am. and taking care of the house is no piece of cake either. but its only one more week! i can still go out..but it has to be certain times, dont have rides..just more complicated. but next week im free to do whatever my little heart desires. so you people better be ready to go out! lol. anyhu, im almost done saving my money for my very expensive phone bill. then i get to save it all again and finally buy stuff with it. its been hard trying to think of ways that i "spent" the money to tell my parents. oh well--never gonna go over on minutes like that again. hopefully not for a while at least. i need a job. badly. everywhere i thought was gonna work out- didnt. silly me for thinking that something might actually go right. is it too late to even get one now? i dunno. but i need money. i guess im gonna have to learn how to make it around the house. ha! i'll figure something out.

<3

boricuababy

:: 2004 7 June :: 11.38am
:: Mood: ehh
:: Music: my way-usher

my mom is mad at me..
my mom just called me from her job and she didnt exactly go off on me but it was that kinda tone momz get when there pissed..so imma have to deal with that later..::sigh::

newayz yesterday i hung out with my dad and my brother..i cudda had more fun if people werent in such a bad mood!! ugh..i hate that when someone is in a bad mood they bring everyone else down with them..so we went and had dinner at fridays..then we went to boomers..i wuz hoping to run into sam and amara but that didnt work out..so i tried to convince my dad to go to muvico..but he said no and was still grumpy..i swear he's bipolar..i gave all my tickets to jonothon and he ended up with lie 10,000 tickets..no lie..so that made his day..lol..he got a whole bunch of crap with his tickets and got me a set of those chinese balls that mr.morone had that a supposed to relax you..we went on the go karts about 6 times..it wuz fun..now im here at home..bored..not doing anything

2 . | <3

:: 2004 7 June :: 12.43am

CDs i realized i love and can't live without.
in no particular order. <3

1. charmbracelet // MARiAH CAREY
2. take off your pants & jacket // BLiNK 182
3. blink 182 // BLiNK 182
4. in the zone // BRiTNEY SPEARS
5. the writing's on the wall // DESTiNY'S CHiLD
6. in this skin // JESSiCA SiMPSON
7. coverage // MANDY MOORE
8. the spirit room // MiCHELLE BRANCH
9. the eminem show // EMiNEM

check back... i'll edit later <3

spinoangel

:: 2004 6 June :: 9.21pm
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: jamisonparker - "your song"

no one to talk to... where is everyone? don't tell me EVERYone went to go see the darkness. hmmph. guess i'll just be with myself tonight. or i'll cross my fingers.

always nothing more to say.

tonight i'd rather be in love. i'd rather it was you flowing through my blood, scraping through my veins, my everything. and you cling to every thread that clings to me. i live in notes and photographs and everything i'm holding back, but you're the words that weren't enough. you remind me of a song i used to love.

:: 2004 6 June :: 6.10pm
:: Mood: pissed
:: Music: the sound of yelling..heh..not music

cant wait til amara gets here..
went to ashley's filipino festival thing yesterday. she danced. she did really good! then i watched haunted mansion. cute movie. then some other movie on abc family. i liked it a lot. today i didnt do anything. and guess what..our air conditioner broke! hot as hell man! but im about to go out with amara to see mean girls. shall be fun. just wish my kaila could go. :(

alwaysfalling

:: 2004 5 June :: 10.59pm
:: Mood: hot

hi woohu people.

i haven't done much.
beach, tanner than usual, chilling, movie watching, waiting, shopping, chilling, being bored.

yeah. it's been boring for the most part, but i'm loving all this time of doing absolutely nothing. i need to find a job so i can drive the barney car.

<3

:: 2004 5 June :: 3.52pm

Boring day...sittin at home read some more of the english book. I'm supposed to be dropping off an application at aeropostle but...I over slept so no one could take me oh well do it later.

last night was blah too talked to jimmy bitched about harry potter lol told him the good news about being allowed to hang out with him again that was nice.

got bored called evan...for the record not doing that anymore fuck it i'm finished.

Talked to Jenn and Danielle Harder miss danielle mucho im just bored more later

~love~

bocaheath05

:: 2004 5 June :: 3.33pm
:: Music: fly by night

omfg. longest Lj entry ever

www.livejournal.com/users/swamp_inthe_sky

:: 2004 5 June :: 12.16am

Life goes on...
hung out with michelle today...so sorry for the near heart attack I almost gave her last night *hugs*

went out to lunch...since we both have some handicap that prevents us from making decisions we picked fridays just because...well it was friday lol

power went out so we waited FOREVER for the check. Patrick our waiter was starting to annoy me almost as much as Dan from maccaroni grill lol (though I did refrain from stealing a spoon this time)

thenn we went to see Harry Potter wooohoooo lol we are losers but yeah fuck you I know you all went to see it or are planning on it in the near future. We opted for the later movie so we got THE perfect seats in the theatre lol we were the 1st ones there...so so pathetic. The movie was pretty good but there were sooo many discrepancies from the book I was getting extreamly angry lol I probably bitched through a good 90% of it. Overall though I have to say they did a good job my mom is making me go again with her on sunday and she doesnt read the books so I will have to explain all of the things that are wrong lol.

then as happy as I was to be out of the house I came home. We ordered italian food and rented Stuck on You on pay per view. It was cute actually. Things are pretty much normal but I can feel my mom jump from rooms away whenever I so much as move I know she's not getting any sleep and I still catch them looking at me funny.

Part of our "talk" last nite was some negociation I just might be allowed to have jimmy in my life again extended my curfiew to 11:30 (eh) um gainsville is still in a period of "review" I'm hopefully getting my liscense july 3rd and if all works out I'll get my dad's car at the end of the summer and they will buy a new one. In return I have to go to therapy and family counseling stop throwing up and threatening them and try to be respectful and such...it all seems good for now I don't trust good things because I usually fuck them up but...we're good at the moment.

~love~

:: 2004 4 June :: 11.20pm
:: Mood: cheerful

i assume this will be a long entry. lets make it short. <3
i'll post the most important thing first just in case u get bored of reading... i got a new screen name, add it to your buddylist. HCOblonde31 anyways....

last night i was up til' about 5am talking to jonah online.

earlier that morning i counted my money in my wallet. $168 total. i hadn't spent any of it. that night around 3am. i randomly counted it to see what i could spend at the mall today... but somehow i went down to $148. $20 missing.

went to bed, woke up. accused my mother while helping her clean out the kitchen cabinets because some guy is coming over to redo it. my mom didn't take the money. asked my sister... she didn't take $20 from me. but why would she, she's only 10. my brother walked into the room. says he didn't take it. called my dad, he didn't take it. my brother has a record for stealing things and not admiting to them.... perfect example. s0o my dad said he will replace it for me. he accuses my brother, but will not say anything without proof. i accuse him as well.

s0o my mom, at that instant, knowing that i couldn't trust anyone with my money in this house.... took me to the bank to open an account. should be getting my ATM card in 5 business days. lucky me. i also saw justin weis there. deeper voice. rather nice. tells me i am shorter than he remembers. not a good thing <3

came home. got on the phone with jonah while my mom went to pick up tommy's girlfriend & her friend. now why will my mom do that but she won't take me to the movies to simply see my boyfriend? who knows. grr. my brother showed off as usual. but not in a way that any girl would be impressed. calling his sisters sluts. talking to my boyfriend over the internet thinking he could make fun of him without getting shot down. trying to beat me up for no apparent reason. idk whatever he thinks is cool.

so anyways i jump in the shower & him & his girls leave. i get out, get ready to hit the mall. jackie comes over. we enjoyed shopping <3 miss her. look what i bought:

ae <3

hco <3

hco shirt // victoria's secret undies <3 something i was in need of. lol

i came home, got redressed and went out to dinner, looked for new kitchen appliances for after we get out kitchen redone. <3 now i'm home just chillin' hehe.

i'm not as red as i was yesterday from the sun tan that alex & i got, but i still slightly hurt. *shrug* idk. imma bounce.

i miss everyone. <3 call me.

:: 2004 4 June :: 4.06pm
:: Mood: BoReD
:: Music: dilema

man..i scare easily!
so last night kaila texts me saying that scream 2 was on fox..so i watched that- tv versions are a lot worse than the real thing. i think im getting better with "fears" lol. watching all these movies lately. but thats not what scared me..these guys came to our house at like 10 last night, saying that they were lost and they needed to use our phone. so my mom started freaking out, which got me scared..and the whole time ashley is on the phone. trying to scare me. yeah- it worked lol. then around midnight i guess..my mom started saying how she heard noises outside and that she saw someone run past the car, mind you- this is all right by my window. so i was chicken shit. and ashley only made it worse. what a night, what a night. then today was extremely boring. i did nothing. carlos called but i missed it. and now im gonna start some bio homework. its come to that. so im gonna go. ttyl. x0x0.

<3

2 . | <3

:: 2004 4 June :: 1.33am

ok everyone...I probably shouldnt post this here but...fuck it I don't hide things from my friends.

I couldnt really tell you how it all started but its not important...today was just the last straw.

came home after fighting with my mom she left again i dont know where. I got into one of my...moods felt like shit emptied some pills out onto the counter cut a lovely little scar into my thigh. started drinking my parents wine again I needed something no matter how ineffective. I called the only person I could think of who could snap me out of this.

All Jimmy said was how hard he was going to hit me the next time he saw me. I kept talking made him tell me normal things while I cleaned everything up. I still took about 20 advil in hopes it would...idk numb me or something...casey was right it does give you a major headache.

It did kind of knock me out though and I was asleep witht he door locked when my mom came home and she started banging on it and screaming and then she came in and started throwing away all of my stuff and telling me I was changing schools and just saying all of this stuff until I broke down into tears and told her to take away everything because I only had to take one thing from her and it would kill her.

She told me that I can't just threaten something like that lightly and called some crisis center or something about putting me on suicide watch or getting me baker acted. Which is staying in an institution for review basically. And since my parents just switched jobs we dont have insurance yet to get me in2 a youth facility so I woulda had to go to the county institution with all of the major psychos.

so yeah michelle called in the middle of this and i answered the phone hystericlly crying I probably scared the crap out of her. my mom made me hang up but i wouldnt talk to her and I couldnt stop crying. My dad came home and they tried to decide what to do with me I just felt like such shit. My mom said if they didnt send me away she was leaving because she couldnt handle me.
I had to get out I got my fone out of my moms room grabbed luckys leash and took her for a walk...this was around 11:30 I guess. I called jimmy again to clear my head soon I was laughing and myself again I felt all of this weight lift once I got away from the house and the reality. My dad came out looking for me and walked the rest of the way home with me.

I had to talk to them if only to keep them from sending me away. My mom went through some of my emails and found some of the poetry I wrote and it scared her. A lot of it was how I dont care about anything and I stopped loving them etc and of course about suicide. Therapy isnt a question anymore but we talked some shit out. idk im just glad tonight is over. And Im glad to be alive...if only for my friends because I love you all more than you know.
<3

~Jess~

5 . | <3

:: 2004 3 June :: 7.58pm
:: Mood: relieved
:: Music: burn

*...HOLY CRAP...*
as you all know, i lost my tiffanys awhile back. well i dont know if i told you the part where my sister was wearing one a few days later. and she made up this whole elaborate story of how it was her friends. but i KNEW it was mine. it was just one of those gut instincts. like how a mother knows her child lol. thats how obsessed i am over my jewelry. anyhu, i let her go because i figured i was just being stupid and crazy. and i still never found it after tearing my room apart and everything. well, today, for some reason i decide to talk to her little friend. turns out- her friend doesnt own ANY tiffany jewelry. so i told my mom. and she got my sister..so of course she changed the story up a little bit..thinking i wouldnt realize. honey please. so i asked her friend about all these other people- NONE of them own a tiffanys either. so i busted her. and she made up this story of how she found it in the laundry hamper, put it in her room, then somehow it was gone by the end of the day. bullshit is all i have to say to that. finally, after a lot of arguement..my parents made her search her room for it until she found it and if she didnt she would have to replace it. luckily, she found it under her dresser. good thing for her..because i would have made her buy me a new one. trying to make me think i lost it, then lied about it. too bad for her..she doesnt know how to lie..she made it too detailed making it easy to figure out. (my mischievious skills are coming out lol) well..its back in my hands- where it belongs!

but through the whole process..i gave my sister a little bit of attitude..and I got in trouble. geez. did i not have the right to be pissed?? parents just dont understand...for the most part. heh. had to get it out. and i feel better now. so im out. x0x0.

...and i dont want you to think that im being a spoiled little brat...im like this over anything..and its the principle. had to clear the air.

<3

:: 2004 3 June :: 1.42pm
:: Music: jesus walks

i saw jeepers creepers 2 last night. yeah- worked myself up and planned on getting really scared..but the only time i screamed was because the thing popped outta no where. other than that..not scary with really bad effects. next time, next time. then today my mom decides to have "summer cleaning" day. lemme tell you how much fun this is. but i've finally convinced her to let me re-do my room the way I want it. what a relief. cant wait for it to be done! she said i can start in about two weeks, because right now shes back in school..sorta. hehe..im excited. i've already looked online for my comforter. i think i found it. yay. well im gonna get back to my oh so fun cleaning adventure. lol.

<3

:: 2004 3 June :: 1.31pm
:: Mood: odd

danielle and I stayed up until 4:30 in the morning because we are fucking amazing. We found the meaning of life and love...or we tried anyway. And tag...why are we so afraid to be it??

I'm home alone and I'm trying to be happy I can't seem to find my happy thoughts....

**edit**

yeah so I sat around like that for about an hour until I said...fuck this shit lol. Got out my bathing suit and my cd player and headed my ass down to the pool. It was awesome just me alone with my thoughts soaking up all that vitamin D that my skin has been deprived of since as long as I can remember. Even the screaming children there didn't bother me I just turned up the music and focused on reading " House of the Spirits" which actually isnt that bad so far. I'm probably going to be burnt as hell since I didn't bother with sunscreen but...eh red is a color at least even if it's not tan...

I'm thinkin I'll do this everyday until summer school maybe I won't be so white...plus nobody seems to be calling lonely little me so it's something to do...

must make a date to go see harry potter tomorrow...think I'll call michelle.

ok kids, must go rinse off and get dressed before mi madre gets in. Goin to register for dance classes at southern and probably go out to dinner. peace

~Jess~

1 . | <3

:: 2004 2 June :: 9.47pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: pieces 0f me // ashlee simps0n

today didn't turn out s0o great. but 2morrow will.

i had plans t0o g0o to the jason mraz concert. BUT j0nah mentioned g0ing 2 the m0vies. s0o i figured my m0m w0uld be nice enough t0 take me. s0o i went t0o ask her & she said, "yeah" and then followed s0mething i did n0t wanna hear. "but i'm n0t driving u 2 b0ynt0n." ir0nically... the m0vie theater was in b0ynt0n. s0o that was a n0o, n0o. by then, it was 2 late 2 grab $3o outta my wallet and get t0o danielle's h0use 2 catch a ride 2 jason mraz, cause it was ar0und 5:50pm. s0o then i called daddy... asked him if he w0uld take me driving cause he said "bri, this summer i plan t0o give u a lotta practice, and by the end 0f summer, u can get a car." well... he said he WOULD take me, but instead when he got home.... he sat 0n the c0uch & entertained himself with sh0ws 0n the discovery channel. g0o fish.

2morrow i've g0tta g0od plan th0. alex is gettin' dr0pped off & we're g0nna chill @ my c0mmunity p0ol & get o0o s0o tan til' like 3pm. theN... idk what i'm d0in' fr0m there. but yeah. @ least i'll be 0utta my house.

friday aftern0on, jackie & i g0t planz 2 hit up the mall. then h0pefully since m0mmy is OFF she will let me see mister j0nah. i miss him s0o much. 1o dayz til' 0ur 8 m0nth anniversary. phew. l0ng time.

but anyways. i'mma head 0ff t0 d0o... nothing i guess. lol well maybe change w0ohu cause i really d0n't agree with the summer background thing. s0o ttyl xoxo

:: 2004 2 June :: 9.13pm
:: Mood: sad...

Today I went out in hopes of taking control of my life...I drove my dad around got in some highway time because fuck if my mom is not letting me get my liscense on July 3rd when I'm supposed to.

I went EVERYWHERE looking for a job. I only ended up filling out a few applications considering my new most hated phrase is...we only hire over 18...I don't care I need money! Hopefully someone calls.

While I was in the mall getting the same old story from every goddamn store my dad decided he wanted to meet the american eagle manager in boynton so I ended up buying a skirt a shirt and a pair of shorts with my nifty new 40% discount. That cheered me up.

It was so hot outside I wanted to die but the highway can calm anyone's nerves. I love how you can just drive and drive and not go anywhere...it was so beautifully pointless get on...get off get back on again...just drive.

I can't wait to drive off on my own. Far away from everyone and their problems and the saddness that is my life I just seem to keep losing things, losing people just losing everything. Just in the past 6 months it's...incredible it's terrible but most of all it's painful. But I'm coping the best that I know how, which is probably not well at all but that is besides the point.

btw I'm falling in love with the cure...the 1st thing I do if I ever get a job is buy new CDs.
somebody told me this song described how he felt about me...I don't think it matters much anymore but...idk I really don't here it is anyway.

~Jess~

Id do anything to have her to myself
Just to have her for myself
Now I dont know what to do, I dont know what to do when she makes me sad.

She is everything to me
The unrequited dream
A song that no one sings
The unattainable, Shes a myth that I have to believe in
All I need to make it real is one more reason
I dont know what to do, I dont know what to do when she makes me sad.

But I wont let this build up inside of me
I wont let this build up inside of me
I wont let this build up inside of me
I wont let this build up inside of me

A catch in my throat
Choke, torn into pieces
No, I dont want to be this

But I wont let this build up inside of me
I wont let this build up inside of me
I wont let this build up inside of me
I wont let this build up inside of me

She isnt real
I can't make her real
She isnt real
I can't make her real...

boricuababy

:: 2004 2 June :: 7.09pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: what's happenin-ying yang twins

hey guys..i juss wanted to thank all ya'll for your concern and comforting words..love uuuu!!!

well..im startin to feel better bout things and cheerleading helps me relieve my stress..except of course when coach erin has one of her titi attacks and goes off on everyone..lol..its all good tho..im starting to catch up on everything..i took my chem exam this morning which was a bitch..and then i found coach clark and he was mad that i made him give me my test..so i took the weight training exam too..im taking mrs.douglas' exam tomorrow morning..and then all thatz left is the spanish exam..only i dont think imma take it since mrs. french is now in the hospital getting hip surgery..yea..mr.epstein told me that..i saw alotta teachers today..and they were all alot nicer to me than they ever have been..i guess its cuz most teachers become nicer when they kno u aren't a student any more..neways..i been working alot more recently..i work tomorrow..and for the rest of the week..cheer practice was fun 2day..we had little competitions wid the usher dance..lol..it wuz koo..well guess thats it..more updates laterrrrr...buhbyez..x0x0

:: 2004 2 June :: 5.53pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: slow motion

UNDER CONSTRUCTION...

i re-did woohu! hope ya'll like it..

<3

3 . | <3

:: 2004 2 June :: 3.03pm
:: Mood: dunno...

BEEN A LONG TIME..
yeh- my comp. had a virus..so i couldnt write.

HAPPY SUMMER EVERYONE!! its finally here! so far so good. and now that im all relaxed..i can go out! yay for that. so call me up if you wanna chill.

dont really feel like writing..so i'll ttyl.

:: 2004 1 June :: 11.06pm

I want a boy...

a new one...all pretty and shiny

with all the latest features

one who wont hurt me

and won't confuse me

and the instructions are right there in the box

in ENGLISH

he should already be put together

I'm done picking up broken pieces

no assembly required

I don't know just what makes him tick...makes him work

I shouldn't have to figure it out

batteries included

He doesn't have to last forever

as long as I have my

extended warranty

a money back guarentee as well

because we do invest a lot in these things

to have to live with the defects

~where does she come up with this stuff~

1 . | <3

lizzy

:: 2004 1 June :: 2.54pm

hehe

hello woohu, long time no see.

6 . | <3

:: 2004 1 June :: 12.35pm

summer...kind of sucks so far

sunday was great spent the day at brittney's with kate jeremy and thomas I feel like I havn't seen them in forever. lol ok well I see jeremy in school all the time but still...we don't get a chance to hang out very often but when we do I can always forget everything and just be happy

spent the day catching up on each other's lives told britt and kate all of my latest crazy stories...the world has become increasingly fucked up since we used to play together as little kids. Our lives have changed so much it's kind of scary when you put it into perspective.

Went to the pool...the clubhouse at olympia is ridiculously huge lol just like something out of the OC we shut our eyes and pretended there was a beach on the other side of the fence. Then we went back to the house ordered pizza went to blockbuster. Our idea of babysitting her sister and her friend was sending them upstairs with uptown girls while we stayed downstairs and watched thirteen. lol we really must finish that one day.

all was good until I got home and my mom started with me again...I don't take any shit from her anymore and I pay for it I scream and curse and tell her exactly whats on my mind and I get to her she was up until 6 in the morning because she let me get to her so bad. But I'm supposedly grounded for the week and I can't go to Jason Mraz with danielle on wednesday. idk I have bigger problems to work through at the moment.

All of the depression and the schitzophrenia is flooding back the eating disorders suicidal poetry the morbid thoughts and logic. It's like falling into a trance where everything seems so clear and death makes perfect sense then I snap out of it and realize I could never do it. I can only hope that next time I won't do something stupid before I have a chance to wake up...

That aside I hope everyone's summer is going well...

~Jess~

alwaysfalling

:: 2004 31 May :: 10.41pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: red hot chili peppers - under the bridge

this summer has been fun so far. gives me hope for the days to come which is always good.

saturday - cleaned out the barney car, made it all spiffy, cut the grass, and the rest of the night i sat being bored out of my mind.

sunday - spent the day at my grandma's in melbourne. drove up watching peter pan, came back watching brother bear. oh how i love sitting in the back of mini vans watching disney movies, it just makes you feel like a kid. we found out my not so little boy cousins are kissing girls. everyone is growing up. so cute. came home and called briana over to spend the night. had fun.

today - woke up and met ryan at the pool. spent a little time there and then left and went to aunt and uncle's house to celebrate memorial day. went swimming, ate, got tan, drank pina coladas... started the summer off right with the family. came home and went back out to briana's. her and ryan and her pink room. woah. too bright. hung out, watched music videos... dip it low, met up with JB and decided to go swimming after about an hour of deciding what to do. had fun playing categories and marco polo in the pool... "fish out of water!". lol. and now i'm sitting here, the only child now, feeling bad for forgetting to call zach and ashley today. i hope they got to tallahassee safely.

this summer isn't looking that lonely after all. i found a boy, friends to have fun with, and no brother, what else could be better?

where is tina? i miss her. she's supposed to be home by now i thought.

<3 love.

enjoy summer.

:: 2004 31 May :: 10.15pm
:: Mood: amused

summer has been treating me g0od since the last update.

sunday i worked. it sucked tho.
then at 11pm i decided to sleep over danielle's house. s0o many laughs, & talks. g0od times.

today - (monday) - woke up at 12pm. went to the pool with danielle & ryan. left at 2pm. then i went home. showered. was a cam whore... took pictures cause i was bored. talked to jonah. then ryan came over. and then we waited for danielle. then danielle & i got ryan's car keys. unfortunately we couldn't keep them because he stole my house key. fuckerz. then we walked to mike's house... got his lazy ass up & went to the pool again. swam, hung out, had fun... being our retarded selves that we used to be like last summer. hopefully it will be fun.

anyways... now i am on the phone with jonah. holler if u wanna do something this week. <3

5 . | <3

boricuababy

:: 2004 30 May :: 1.19pm
:: Mood: not so good..but feelin better
:: Music: it's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday-boyz II men

wow..this has been a really hectic week..on monday my aunt chavi one of tha twins called me and told me that my other aunt..her sister maria passed away..she died last saturday nite in surgery..so me and my mom took tha first flight out to new york which was on tuesday..we left madd early in tha mornin..when we got there it was really cold..and then we went to my grandma's house in brooklyn and dropped our stuff off and took tha train to east new york for tha wake..wow..it wuz really sad..i wuz really close to my aunt so it really affected me..i got to see my other grandma..ev and chavi my twin aunts..and my dad..my biological dad..that wuz interesting..i dont really wanna get into that tho..so yea den wednesday wuz tha second nite of tha wake..and we went to that..more tears..it wuz even more sad because her baby aj..he's turning two kept going up to the casket trynna wake her up..that broke everyone down..me included..toward the end of the night chavi read the poem henry wrote..imma type it at the end of my entry..and she started to break down a bit..me too..everybody did..u'll see why..thursday was mass..that really got to me too.i cried the most then and then we went to the crematory..so it wuz a really tough week..kuchie (that was her nickname) meant alot to me..we were madd close..she always helped me out with everything..she had the biggest smile..and touched everyone she met..she wuz tha sweetest person and everybody loved her..she wuz really funny and had the best personality..she always wanted me to meet my dad but always respected the fact that i wasn't ready to..she always had my back..we would always chill and hang out during the summer when i would go up to new york..me, her, ev, chavi, luis, and joey would always hang out..i got to see alotta people i haven't seen i like two years but still you kno??..everyone was hurting, grieving and in pain..im glad i got to go tho..it helps alot..iight so here's the poem...

.. A Lost ..
Trying to accept..that you passed away...
Trying to cope..wondering the reason..why??
Im just here wishing..this day would have never come...
You left too soon...
You left too early...
Now your baby is going to be raised without a mommy...
But don't worry...
He has a big loving family to watch him for you...
But you can watch him too...
From where you're at now, sky's above...
Heaven..you're his angel..
Like he was yours
Send him your guidance; send him your love...
As for us...
We will have to understand...
It was your time to go...
But..it doesn't feel right...
Feels so wrong..so cold...
All this hate and anger building up inside...
Don't know what to do..
Just cry, cry, cry...
Miss you...
Keep thinking...
That at anytime you'll be walking through the doors...
What I'll give to just hear your voice...
To say anything...something...HOLLA..Booger Butt..just once more...
To see you smile...to hear you laugh...to hold you in our arms again..
I...just don't believe you're gone...
A daughter, a sister, a mother, an aunt, a love and a friend...
A beautiful person like yourself should have not went...
But they say...
God knows what's best...
God knows what he is doing...
God only takes the good...the best...
Miss you...
Now you're in Heaven, sky's above...
Looking down upon us...
Like a star...shining bright...
Breaking through the clouds...like a ray of light...
You might be gone in physical form...
But you're still here...
Forever alive in our hearts, minds and souls...
We miss you...we love you...
I will not say goodbye...
But I will say...
I'll see you later Booger Butt..
~by: Henry Fabian Gonzalez-May 23, 2004

Rest In Peace: Maria "Kuchie" Flores
October 22, 1970-May 22, 2004

4 . | <3

:: 2004 29 May :: 10.07pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: bills bills bills // destiny's child

updating woohu for summer. <3
more details... later. xoxo

[[edit]]

today was harsh. went to bed at 4am after being on the phone with jonah & spending the last night with my kitty. woke up at 9:30am & said my final goodbye. cried myself to sleep & then woke up around 3pm. ate some cereal. went back to be til' 6pm. went to the seafood store & publix. came home, baked cookies, muffins, and a cake. ate dinner... talked with jonah... took a shower, redid woohu... now i wanna get some sleep. its been a long day. i miss my kitty.... crawling on my back & head to fall asleep. clawing me everytime i walked passed her... knowing that i would never pass her up without petting her. bringing home dead birds & snakes & lizards. eating my pizza or sticking her nose in my cereal. making my bed & making her part of the bed by putting the sheets over her. dancing & hugging her. meowing back at her like i knew how to speak her language... she always seemed to meow back at me...? when she used to nudge my hand while i was writing & she would draw pictures. when she would run away from my sister and come to me. her waking me up on christmas eve cause she knew she smelt her treats under the tree. sharing the same birthday. she was 17. i've spent my whole life with her. its so unusual not seeing her around my house. =`(

r.i.p. 5.29.04 -- mookie. i love u with all my heart. xoxo ur the world's greatest kitty.

mommy is sleeping... i have no shoulder to cry on anymore & i don't want to bother anybody about my whining. s0o.... off to bed i go, but enjoy my new woohu. xoxo

4 . | <3