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2005 19 November :: 10.55am
:: Music: Fugazi
I've got, this epic problem, this epic problems not a problem for me
And inside
I know I'm broken, but I'm working as far as you can see...
~
I love this song.
So yeah, chances are likely, and probably around July 26th, 2006. I feel like there's never enough time. :-( I have all this stuff I want to get done and it just never feels like there's any time. This sucks. Break should go well though, except that I have to work on projects. Blahhhh what do I write for an All About Me essay? You'd think this wouldn't be that hard. I hate it.
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brokenmentality
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2005 19 November :: 10.06am
the play is going really well.
and if anyone ever goes to eat at the IHOP on the beltline i will personally kick your ass for being stupid. im sure ashley will too. that place can burn....
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 18 November :: 11.45am
where did i go wrong? i lost a friend
I really want to do something. I want to go on a missions trip or something. Feel worthy and maybe useful. I've been thinking about going out of state but you know. Things hold me back of course even though we have the resources so it's completely stupid, really. I could do it I guess just as easily as I'm doing what I plan to be doing... if that makes sense. But... there would be too many complications. Where would it leave us? I don't know, and so I will probably never do it.
Is that holding me back? I don't know. Not really I guess. Because it's also my door to absolutely everything. I wouldn't even be if it weren't for it. So I guess I can't say it's holding me back . That wouldn't make any sense.
How many times are you going to redo it? Kind of ridiculous.
I never knew people who had babies could afford such expensive clothing for themselves. Is that how you do it? Gawd.
I miss Roman like, really really badly. I haven't seen him for too long. Like a week. Almost. Really you're my strength babe. I'm going to see him early tomorrow. And then of course the day has to be brought down by work at 5. That's so stupid. I've worked every single day this week. Tired. Is what I am. Just tired. And then I have to work tonight of course at 5. We probably won't be busy at all and when you're a waitress, that really sucks. Getting paid $2.65.... come on. That's so stupid. I think I'll just leave if it's dead because it just is so pointless. And oh, I work Sunday as well. At 4. So I have worked every day for a week. What a glorious week.
When will something new come? I need.. not change but solutions. I hate this situation. I hate it.
I'm glad I'm fast typer. HA.
No love,
jess.
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 18 November :: 11.22am
jess dont block your comments please cuz then i can't say anythinggggg :0(
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holiday
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2005 17 November :: 9.49pm
Man. So tired. Class went pretty well. Char and I hung out. It was sooooo nice. And we laid in bed and snuggled while it was cold out. It felt so good. So yeah, we may have some big news here.
I'm so in love.
Oh yeah, this morning, on my way to the expressway, I took 18 mile to shaner instead of 17 mile cause there was a crash, and I pretty much jacknifed my car near the intersection and almost hit a stop sign. My car spun sideways. It was really scary! Tomorrow Becca and I are meeting for breakfast then driving to class.
G'night :-) <3
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 17 November :: 9.40pm
we bit our lips, she looked out the window...
fuck this stupid so-called "family" what the fuck am i doing concerning myself with other peoples' happenings? i need to get my own life outside of SCHOOL??? and work. Rosie's babysititng and lazer skate and roman. that's my life.
then again, what is life when you're seventeen years old. It doesn't begin until you move out of your house. So when is life going to start for me. Hopefully sooner than we all think.
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 17 November :: 9.07pm
what the hell. i hate food and it needs to stay away from me. dammit i just got a papercut. fer real.
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 17 November :: 8.56pm
i really want to and i know it will decide absolutely everything.
i miss you
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 17 November :: 4.55pm
:: Music: Ben Folds - Emaline
"sometimes I dont know what she's saying. but i know what she wants to believe"
Ugh what a long, stupid and pointless day... And now I have to work in an hour.
I wish we could go to that one place jess tonight. Don't you? Jess? Don't you?
Sometimes, when you have a headache especially, pre-schoolers just AREN'T the cure for anything. But other times they just make you feel so good. They are so cute and innocent.
i'm glad i will never have to go through all those things again. ha.
"oh i wish I was a pretty girl why can't i be a pretty girl like her?"
you drive me nuts baby but i absolutely love you . What would I do without you? i'm sorry.
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 17 November :: 1.42pm
yeah okay cool people are so important. i must know everything about "them"
f ucking dumb.
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brokenmentality
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2005 17 November :: 8.55am
yesterday was the first snowfall of the season... which marks the day keegan asked me to be his girlfriend.... it may not be the technical date... but its the symbolic day. I can't wait till the 24th when we can finally wear our rings engraved "the first year". just a symbol of our relationship.. not promise rings, just a symbol.
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holiday
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2005 16 November :: 11.28pm
Ahhhhhhh SLEEP
Tummy. Ow.
Tired. Blah.
Today. Ah.
Can't. Talk. In. Full. Sentences.
Eh, whatever. Today was boring. Saw Charlie for like, 30 minutes. Worked on our Menu project for like, 4 HOURS. I'm sorry I didn't call Jessi, I just realized and I believe it's too late now :-( I am sorry :-(
Time for sleep.
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 15 November :: 11.40pm
ugh
i want to go back
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 15 November :: 1.40pm
Gunnie, i think we're doing a page in yearbook about online journals and stuff and i was wondering if i can interview you sometime. maybe we could also incorporate some hanging out time into that. cooooooool.
let me know buddy
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sugarmouse0587
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2005 15 November :: 12.18pm
here's a warning for everyone. don't hang out with AARON DANIEL COHEN. not only does he listen to the backstreet boys and billy joel, he has really dumb ideas and makes people cry.
but only i can say that because he's my dumb brother and i love him*
*sometimes.
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 15 November :: 7.51am
So i kinda forgot about how i said you wouldn't see me ever again so look stupid me i forgot to run away. i would totally go right now but i have to babysit after school anyway which is totally stupid.
I don't know if i'll be able to take anymore of life.
what do you have to offer because i dont know if i want it.
F uck this stupid place and everything else. i think i want out k.
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holiday
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2005 14 November :: 9.42pm
:: Music: Ima Robot
You were the best love I ever had, you hit me high, you hit me low
Time doesn't slow down for those who dream, I wake only to hear this scream.
~
Yeah, so... Today was pretty alright. Everyone stopped in at Art & Bev's which was cool, thanks guys! Chef told me ice cream would be on him. That was cool.
Then I hung out w/Charlie <3 <3 <3 I seriously can't wait to get married. His sister and I are going to start looking at bridesmaids dresses and everything. I love his family. Which is cool. It's definitely not a monster-in-law thing. His family is awesome.
I got my neice some cute little things. A cute little tigger hat and mittens as part of her Christmas present. She was tigger for halloween. She's almost 16 mos.
Things are definitely happening. It doesn't feel like last time though. That's what confuses me. But people say it's different every time.
I should definitely be drawing the layout for my group's resturaunt. Or studying for tomorrow's CA 112 test. Or something. But no, I'm exhausted. And I'm going to sleep soon. After I read Star/In Touch. Gahhhhhhh stupid addictions. Better than drugs though. Aw who'm I kidding?
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.
j/k.
G'night.
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2005 14 November :: 3.35pm
number one: I definetely totally and completely love Roman and
number two: I DEF TOTALLY HATE SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL FUCKING HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mugggggggggggggawereereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee does anyone love me? because i'm running away and living with roman forever and you wont ever see me again so say goodbye loves.
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sugarmouse0587
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2005 13 November :: 10.44pm
I wanna be I wanna be like that mountain
I wanna stand taller and bigger than rest
See I just wanna be a guy who wins all the time
I wanna be a big star a king and rule my own life
And God I know that it's wrong
So please just make my heart right
Inside and destroy my pride
_the rocket summer
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holiday
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2005 13 November :: 10.40pm
hehe. i just ordered some birkenstocks. hehehe. wow i'm tired.
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holiday
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2005 13 November :: 10.14pm
:: Music: Devil In The Details- Bright Eyes
Oh holy crap.
Today has gone so fast. The power went out earlier. I was supposed to work on a project but it got kinda dark. It's okay now. My parents saw my tattoo today and I had to tell them it was marker. Ugh. Whatever. Dad talked about Char and I and the wedding today too. My grandma called and said she saved some things from a wedding she went to last night for some ideas. THAT is so cute and cool. She's excited. I'm trying not to test early because I know it's still early. But I feel compelled to. It's so expensive though. Something is happening, for real. We'll see. If I test then I can get rid of this one and then I'll have to wait to test again.
Charlie took me to see the Teddy Roosevelt thing at the museum yesterday. hehehe. we're such dorks. Sitting by the fountain was cool. I love him.
I have to sleep soon.
Hm. I haven't gotten hours from work in quite a while. Hm...
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holiday
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2005 9 November :: 7.51pm
Little cloven hooves that make it kinda hard to ski...
Ahhhhh CRAZY. I love Charles James Shick. AHHHHH. So much.
Maybe a surprise we'll find out tomorrow. I dunno. Or like, in a week or two. Eh. I love this picture
~~~~~
Fucking bullshit, I would never be caught dead in...Georgia. Like, omg.
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 9 November :: 4.17pm
why do you have to be such a jerk about nothing? i do a lot okay.
why do we both have to be jerks like all the fricken time?
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stinko
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2005 9 November :: 12.30pm
class, class, class
i don't want to go. government is boring.
blah, blah, blah
i want to go home. homework is calling.
bah, bah, bah
i am a goat (or a sheep). i like eating.
zzz, zzz, zzz
i am sleeping (or a bee). i like buzzing.
mmmm
bop
dipdopbadoapdobiedopbopbado
yeayeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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sugarmouse0587
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2005 9 November :: 10.55am
so this is one of those days where everything feels kind of crappy and i can't work up any gratefulness.
andrea and alli got me to skip aerobics. that's okay with me as long as i don't do it next week.
but seriously. i woke up in such a bad mood this morning.
my roomate is so dumb.
she woke me up no less than five times last night. it's usually only twice.
but here's the deal. every tuesday my floor goes out for chicken strips at the roadhouse. i don't like to go because they come back to late and i have to get up at 7 on wednesdays. so i'm up in my bed reading and you can't see me very well from the floor. chuck comes in and wonders asks where i am and christian says the lounge because she knew i didn't want to go. i thought she was just covering me like a good roomate.
but maybe she's just stupid and didn't know i was in my bed. she's like that. so she leaves to somewhere, i don't know where and i didn't really care. except that she left the tv on which is why i don't think she knew i was there, but you never know. she's pretty rude.
then i called her to see if she was coming back. but she didn't take her phone. i decided to turn the tv off anyway.
i went to bed around 10:45
at 12:30 ish i get a phone call. from ole' roomie. i didn't answer it because i was sleeping.
But then. . .i hear my voicemail from my room.
ummm?
Then christan starts talking and leaving a message for her sister on my phone because she thought she got a new phone.
we don't even have the same area codes. and my voice mail says 'this is sarah'
so this means she isn't paying attention to my phone ringing or hear sarah or reconize an area code and she didn't put my number in her phone when i gave it to her a month ago.
and then she calls again so i turn my phone off. and then she woke me up from moving around and lights and stuff like that.
i'm being so mean. but i don't even care. she drives me crazy.
And then this morning we had to have a debate in english about globalization. does that make sense? everyone was just making stuff up and one person in my group didn't even understand her topic and was getting all mad when the judges called her out on it.
Here are some good things though
I made my schedual early because they still think i'm in the honors college
i love jake huizenga
i don't think i even have to write paper five in english
that's it.
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2005 9 November :: 8.31am
You took away the one thing I felt okay at. You took everything I thought I'd earned. Obviously none of it mattered, but it mattered to me. You're a biased pig and I hope you regret it. That's why I'm not there. And you act like everything is okay. It's not . You're an idiot.
I hate being here. This year of school is entirely pointless to me. There is probably one class I feel might be beneficial to me. The rest are just junk to fill up my schedule. And not that they are easy classes, they aren't. But they sure are junk. They are complete crap. The teacher has no idea what they are talking about and it is a total waste of my time. I hate being taught by someone who you know is dumber than you in certain areas. That should never be a teacher. Go back to college or something because I don't want to waste my time listening to your babble. Like you know anything. You don't. I could easily learn more by just reading the book without ever having to see your face or hear your pointless voice. I am counting down the days until I am out of here. I can't wait. And it's not even like that. I just want to feel like I'm not wasting my time.
I want to go with you. This place is ridiculous.
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holiday
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2005 8 November :: 11.19pm
Maybe I'll try to not care so much. Sometimes that helps. Inside I still care as much or even more, but if I don't show it, it takes aways some of the pain. That's not healthy but I don't really know what else to do and I have to feel better. I may just fall off the planet for a day (tomorrow). It's been a long day. You aren't helping.
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 8 November :: 8.37am
i am so happy. my GPA has gone up a lot and also H hasn't even changed my fricken grade yet so things will be even better. i got an A on my last chemistry test and yeah well that makes me super happy. i hate school but i'm not sucking at it.
score.
oh and last night was so fun and great. LOOOOOVE YOU
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 8 November :: 8.31am
I decided I'm going to do everything in my power. I talked to Jalyn and she's right. I need to do what I need to do. I don't think I'll regret it.
I hate being here. I want to be with you.
scholarships....?
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holiday
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2005 7 November :: 10.58pm
I wish you could just not be friends with that jerk. It's so not respectful. What's hanging around him going to do to you? Friends do think alike. Oh well. There's nothing I can do but sit back. And....hurt.
On another note, I should have written my english paper tonight but eh. Laguna Beach. And hanging out. LC BETTER not get back with Jason. UGH. And my puppy ran away today but then he came back. Long day tomorrow. . . g'night.
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