i think of you and everything's alright.

:: 2004 6 July :: 5.51pm
:: Mood: giggly
:: Music: Why-Jadakiss

meli..i can't believe u finally told him girl!!..go you!!
yay!!..im happy for melissa..everythings gonna turn out great!!..we're planning to chill on friday..go to don carters..play some pool..me, emir, eric and meli..can't wait..only i ahvent played in foreverrr..so i hope i dont end up lookin stupid..lol..saturday i got cheer gym..cant wait..finally gettin back on track wid tha cheer stuff..we leave in a week!!..going to tampa..imma have fun..im gonna miss all my peeps tho!!..:(..gotta chill wen i get back tho!!

alwaysfalling

:: 2004 6 July :: 2.14pm
:: Mood: optimistic
:: Music: ashlee simpson - pieces of me

i can hardly catch my breath, i hope it lasts

it's good.
crushes die hard, but i've learned to get over them.
you guys are going to hate me i have a feeling, but you should be happy for me.
i might keep this one.

north carolina was wonderful. i love my dad's family more than anything in the world.

i hate trying to find a job. no one wants to hire a teenage white girl. only if my parents would understand that and just let me get my license, so i can drive and see all you people, because i miss you, you and you.

<3 that's all for now.

rbf thursday night.
danielle crowd surfing.
be there, ashley cline will be.

:: 2004 5 July :: 4.32pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: I'll make love to you-Boyz II Men

I'm backkkkk..::evil laugh::
hey guys..havent written in a while..friday my dad picked us up..we went to boomers cuz datz where jon wanted to go..hung out there..a fight broke out in boomers..omg..it wuz tha funniest thing..deez ghetto white gurls..u kno how derz alot of em in boca..lol..they started bitchin at each other n den started a cat fight..it was funny.. den me n my aunt left my brother and my dad at boomers while we went to muvico so she cudd get him some movie passes..thats wen mel called us..she got into another car accident..she was all worked up..i can imagine..damn..she prolly wont ever wanna drive agen..den we got the movie passes..i saw marcus fraiser..woo..sexiness..lol..then i saw meli..wid ricarda n omar..im so happy for u gurl..lol..keep it going wid eric!!..hopefully things will happen wid me n emir..saturday we went to the marlins game..I GOT TO MEET MIGUEL CABRERA..wow..we got autographs n everything..he signed a ball..lol..n i was der all excited..wid his number written on my face..i think he was scared of me..lolol..the game was alotta fun..marlins lost to the devil rays 6-1..lol..my brother was happy he was going for the other team..every1 around us was gettin pissed at him..i thot we were gonna get jumped..lol..after the game they had a really pretty fireworks show..then after that wen we were gonna go home and we cuddnt find tha car..funny stuff..lol..yesterday we left n went camping..it wuz fun..kinda scary after emir told me all about jason..lol..there were soo many bugs tho..n u all kno how i do wid bugs..i got bit up so bad..ugh..we went canoeing..and jon was saying he was gonna tip tha boat over..kidsss..but yea we went camping boca style..lmao..we had tha RV..jon made us bring his tv and ps2..we had tha grill..lol..it was funny..me n my mom kept crackin on jon and pat for it..lol..and we had no marshmallows..:(..and no s'mores..so still havent tasted one guys!!..lol..we got back a lil while ago..today's jon's bday..happy 12th to him..we got ice cream cake!!..looking foward to it..yumm..lol..guess thats it for now..back to work 2moro..gotta make that paper!!

dmlxoxo

:: 2004 5 July :: 3.41pm
:: Mood: exhausted

wow its been a while for me....
hm, i could swear that i havent been here this long already, but ive been at the beach for almost a week. i must admit, ive had my doubts about july with my two best friends who i hang out with every night not being hre, but its been working out pretty well so far---and better yet, i may have found what i needed all along. 16 years old, tall, dark, killer smile, his names mike, and hes really cool. we'll see, not gettin my hopes up for this one, god knows that i just hurt myself when i go and do that. lets see, anything else on the boy front.....ah yes. joshs friend henry who i hung out with that night called me the other day and was like, i think we should hang out sometime. definetly will do, hes a cutie and seems very gentlemanish lol. other than that, im livin the fire island life, not too much goin on. work during the day, town at night, day after day after day. i could get used to this. today was the first day of camp, disappointing as well as relieving. disappointing in that i didnt get into the group that i wanted to be in in terms of head counselors, i wanted dan and lindsey, both awesome college kids, and since they like me, i wouldnt b bossed around :), but i got into the other 7's group which is okay since 7A and 7B pretty much travel togetehr in everything, so i get to spend my time. the kids are "totally chilled out" as dan would say, which is absolutely a blessing, i dont know what i would do if i had to deal with another group of crying, pants wetting boys for 2 years in a row. first day was good, hope the rest of the summer is too. love to all, im hittin the shore for now.
xoxox- danielle

lifesuxsodanz

:: 2004 2 July :: 10.05pm
:: Mood: emotional

And they never gave up once....
they never fucking gave up and they grew old and died together and they were in love why can't that exist? The question isn't where are the prince charmings it is where are the love stories. Where is the devotion and the passion that makes people twist circumstance to make it through the hard times and reach the happy endings. The stories aren't perfect...they are perfectly sad and real and painful but beautiful all the same. I dont even know if I have teh capacity for such things but I'm now sure I believe that they exist somewhere in some willing hearts. I also believe it to be perfectly unattainable....I feel so lonely I just wish I had someone to scream at in the rain just scream and cry all the way into his arms where it can be all better again. I want to lie down and dance in the middle of the street I want someone who loves me enough to tell me i'm a big pain in the ass 99% of the time which I know I am and want me all the same....god it was just a movie but still.....just *sigh*

Catch me if I fall
I'm losing hold
I can't just carry on this way
And every time
I turn away
Lose another blind game
The idea of perfection holds me
Suddenly I see you change
Everything at once
The same
But the mountain never moves
Rape me like a child
Christened in blood
Painted like an unknown saint
There's nothing left but hope
Your voice is dead
And old
And always empty
Trust in me through closing years
Perfect moments wait
If only we could stay
Please
Say the right words
Or cry like the stone white clown
And stand forever
Lost forever in a happy crowd....

~The Cure~

:: 2004 2 July :: 11.25am
:: Mood: smiley
:: Music: 99 problems-Jay Z

wha do u think??
i re-did my woohu!!! i got bored..lol..as always..well my dadz gonna pick me up in awhile..so imma chill wid him and jon for tha weekend..i guess he wants to do a lil party for my brother's bday or sumthin..i havent really been gettin along wid him agen..wha elz is new??..den on sunday we leave..going camping..yesterday tha funniest thing happened to me..lol..at around 10-sh last nite..i went to tha back yard to take roxy out before i put her to bed and all..so yea..i was really dark..n she started barkin..so since it was kinda late i didnt want her making noise..ya kno??..so then stupid me..i went into tha grass to go get her..and by the way..im barefoot and in pjz..cuz i was juss bummin out and chillan..den a frog jumped on me..not those lil frogs that im scared of..but the freakin big ass frogs..toads..or wutever..lol..ok..yea so i freaked out..n screamed..lol..yea im deathly afraid of frogs..not kermit tho..lol meli..

:: 2004 2 July :: 10.13am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: All I Need-Mary J Blige f/ Method Man

wha to do..wha to do??
well letz see..last nite i went to mary ellen's house for that meeting..i went ok..we're gonna start going to the Boca Cheer Center on wednesdays and saturdays of july..wednesdays from 3:30-5:00 and on saturdays from 11:00-1:00..they aren't mandatory tho..but we all gotta start going..we are soo behind on everything..chudnei's the only one who went to camp..she bought the dvd wid tha dances and the cd wid the music and all..so she's gonna be captain since she knowz everything..and we're gonna have sleepovers and stuff so we can learn it..that shudd be fun..and these sleep overs shudd bring us all together..camp usually does that but since we couldnt go..yea..lol..meli and emir confused tha hell outta me yesterday..wow..lol..they we're im-ing me from the same screenname..i dunno wha they were doing but i wuz definately confused..lol..meli..call me wen u get a chance i wanna kno wha happened last nite after i signed off!!..lol

sameen

:: 2004 1 July :: 10.42pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: cassidy- get no better

leavin tomorrow
hey guys,

what's up?? i'm leavin 4 bangladesh tomorrow. excited. the plane ride there will be long. about 2 days. at least i don't have 2 travel alone tho.. don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing lol. we'll c. i have 2 take my summer assignments tho [ the bio packet and the eng book- it's not that bad, but it seems like it's gonna move really slow. we learned about the author in spanish- isabel allende. i think that's her name at least--- don't quote me on it. so i did all my packing today. had 2 go run errands 4 my mom. the whole excitement of driving independently has worn off. i had 2 pump gas, which i don't like doing. the gas nozzle is broke so it takes two ppl 2 open it lol. one person 2 hold the button and the other 2 get it 2 open. how annoying. o well- there r worse things in life. packing's crazy tho. goin so far away and everything. it costs a lotta money too.

well im gonna go now. i dunno when i'll get a change 2 update.. so we'll c.

christini

:: 2004 1 July :: 7.22pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: switchfoot

ive decided to start alternating between here and eljay now, it seems like less people read up here. i like that its more.. hidden, i guess.
things have been really weird lately, i feel something else everyday. no consistency whatsoever.
emy and i broke things off i suppose, im happy/sad about it ,
happy cause, well, all we do is fight anymore, and it seems as if lately all hes been doing is provoking me and TRYING to make me mad, and just been getting on my nerves and hurting me left and right, and i just need the break.
sad , cause, well, as much as i dont want to, i do love him. and whenever i get lonely all i want is to be in his arms again. and, thats always gonna be there. until i have him back or until i fall for someone else. thats just.. how it works i guess.
it seems to be a mutual decision now, cause we've gotten to the point where its not really anything but a physical relationship now, and well, it used to be so much more. we used to be best friends.. and now, i feel like we dont know the first thing about eachtoher. and that only makes it that much easier to fight, when you dont know someone . so, maybe since we have that whole, physical aspect down pat, if we swerve away from that for a while and just not allow it, and work on the friendship we once had so well, maybe one day things will turn out the way ive wanted them. but maybe not. who knows. maybe one day we'll be such good friends that we wont want to ruin it again. maybe we'll get back together. maybe he'll fall in love and ill be heart broken. maybe we'll drift apart even more. maybe we'll hate eachother. i really dont know anymore. but im just , sick of hoping and dreaming and wishing on stars for him. whatever happens, happens from here. im done planning it out. cause that leads to nothing but disappointments and feeling of failure. and im really sick of that.
all i can hope for is the best. and that one day ill truely be happy.
hey, it could happen.

i just really want to get away for now. even if its just a sunny getaway with my parents. itd be nice to just go someplace i dont know and lay in the sun and listen to music and read books all day. i havent had time to read a book ive wanted to read in, ages. i never have time for me anymore. and from now on, thats my first priority. cause before i can find what i want in someone else i have to find it in myself. hopefully that getaway will come soon enough.
summer school may be over today for me, idk yet. cause even if i get an A, it might drop my hpa as it is, cause i think this class is only on a 4.0 scale. so it wouldnt make sense. plus i dont want to wake up early anymore. and i dont pay attention anymore, so , there really is no point. shrug. i guess i'll just decide by monday night.
someone wanna take me in for the fourth of july? i dont really wanna stay here. but dont really wanna impose upon people. maybe ill light some sparklers and just dance around my room. but then again that could be a fire hazard. we'll see. :/

now on to that me time.

6 <3 ~~| ~~!!!!!!!~~~~

spinoangel

:: 2004 30 June :: 6.42pm
:: Mood: curious
:: Music: where you are...

these are my confessions.
wow, havent posted in so long.

summer school is like almost over. sort of bitter sweet. this friday i have to clean the house majorly for anne (my moms best friend)+ her family are staying at our house. friday night is steph wu's birthday dinner party. still have to get a card/present.

but anyways. what was i getting to... i think the purpose to this entry in my woohu to get out the way i feel lately. only like in the past few days. i haven't gotten an email reply from altan since last friday, and feels like forever since then. i take naps after school very often so i dont just sit there and start thinking about how empty i feel right now. without any of his words, the love slowly fades. yeah thats not supposed to happen. thoughts dont hold up much lately though. especially when i'm surrounded by such sweet boys in school. i swear, i have mini crushes on every guy friend i have. like... is that wrong? its definitely wrong. definitely definitely wrong. i dont like leading on people, but it seems like it just happens naturally. i dont know. i need therapy.

i was reading the notebook last night before i went to bed and i read until they finally gave in to each other and made love again. then i set down the book, turned off the light and cried one tear before i fell asleep. i always go to bed hoping that in the dream world, something i want to happen will happen. but nothing really exciting happens. i just remember one dream, it was the first day of junior year. and altan was in the class but i wasnt aware. and then he walks up to me and hands me this long (like 2 pages) note and he just holds my hand. weird thing was, it wasnt altan, it was some kid i knew from middle school. very weird. but ... i dunno.

i dont know anything.
someone please hug me and never let go.

dammit where the hell is danielle when i need her. oh yeah. nc. frickin family and frickin vacation. i need her HERE.

BiGmAc daDdy y13: u know what i have noticed about u
FallenNGAngel: what
BiGmAc daDdy y13: u have three guys wraped around ur fingers and u have no idea what to do about it
BiGmAc daDdy y13: its great

excerpt from altan's most recent email.
i miss you a lot. today he took me to a cafe on top of this mountain that over looked the city. it was beautiful. i wish you could be here with me. i wanted to hold you and watch the sun set with you. i miss you terribly. i love you so much, i think of you day and night.

:: 2004 30 June :: 5.26pm
:: Mood: hungry
:: Music: cant i get a-jay z

hey pplz!! whaz happenin?? did u guys see tha BET Awards??..Mo'Nique hosted again this year..she wuz off tha chain hilarious..in tha beginning she did her own version of the crazy in love dance..lmao..that was tha funniest thing ever..and u guys kno Mo'Nique from tha Parkers shez a lil on tha heavy side..in a Beyonce outfit..funny shit..lol..and Kanye's performance was tight..he did jesus walks and yolanda adams came out..it turned out pretty good..i liked usher's performance alot too..he tore it up wid 'yeah'..newayz..enuff wid that..tomoro mary-ellen is holding a cheer meeting at her house..hopefully all goes well..i hope we can end up cheering this year..maryellen and courtney's moms are takin over so things shudd be good

~~!!!!!!!~~

bocaheath05

:: 2004 28 June :: 8.11pm

more love, less handle
woohu is good for venting when i don't really want anyone to know about my situation. i mean i know some people read this but i think the people i don't want reading my journal read my livejournal...well at least i think.

i'm still completely upset about the current situation. i mean he loves her. love is so....big. it's like "i love you. marry me!" i am just so fucking angry. why can't he love me? oh right, because i am just the girl he has feelings for, can't be the one he loves. but you know what? maybe it is good he doesn't love me. cause like i said, it's love.

ok. i take that back. i totally want him to love me.

i want to hate him, but the more i want to hate the more i think about him and, as weird as it is, like him.

i am going up north on thursday so hopefully i will start to forget all the conversations we had. all the times i dreamt about him. the past days of crying. it's just, depressing.

when i'm gone IM me cause i'll have all my IMs forwarded to my phone.

<3

dmlxoxo

:: 2004 28 June :: 12.15am
:: Mood: tired

fresh
new look for the summer
jeez, i hate this beginning summer thing, people i love are leaving, and as much as i want a break from them, i will miss them so much. seems like a lot of things make me sad lately. god, i hope im not having one of those "sad" things like a had at the beginning of the year, i really hope summer brings love and happiness, because for me, im thinking love is whats going to bring me the happiness. update when i get to the beach on wednesday, for all who are going/leaving whatever, write me:

danielle litoff
p.o. box 621
ocean beach ny 11770

lifesuxsodanz

:: 2004 27 June :: 9.22pm

this might be long....
Hey everyone I haven't really updated in a while...for me anyway. School has been ok as has the weekend. Only 6 more days to go and then i'm off to gainsville woohoo...well hopefully anyway we are having trouble setting exact plans because hillary doesnt know when she is going to be up there or down here I had a dream last night that the day we were supposed to leave michelle came to my house all pissed that hillary changed her plans again lol it's something that I could see happening and we all know how my dreams are.

Anywhoo I'm looking forward to that I miss hanging out with richelle and hillary and michelle and danielle and eating odd combinations of food laughing at anything and everything richelle did or said being delerious and drunk at 3am and all of the random spanish guys we would hang out with and all of our attempts to be spontaneous turning out horrible but making the best of it anyway. That is the high school I will always remember fuck everything else.

My mom has made me a proposal...if I go on this diet with her and keep working out and such we will go to NY for a long weekend so I can go school shopping on 5th avenue and at the boutiques and vintage stores in soho and the village. It's really because my mom just wants an excuse to get away...we can't go on a family vacation because my dad cant take time off. But really...how fat does she think i am that she's willing to go to such extremes. It's the perfect bribe because I have been whining that I miss shopping and it's been so long....it sadly is my therapy. Money has been tighter lately tho so I've had to forgo my weekly trips. idk I suppose she's just trying to prevent me from going bulemic again. It sounds aweful but being slightly unstable (or moreso) can work to your advantage sometimes.

Yeah so yesterday my mom and I went to cityplace to see stepfor wives...she loved it but i wasn't too impressed maybe I would have enjoyed it more with my friends but I was a little bored idk. We ate at legal seafood then we went shopping! like I said it has been forever so I was happy I got a really cute new outfit from anthropologie its kida different but I like it I got shoes to go with it at gap I'm still in search of a purse. I also got a cute top at this other boutique there that I never usually go into they have some really cool weird stuff but it was all expensive as hell I'm suprised my mom even got me the one shirt. Then I went to barnes and noble to buy the AP bio book which will hopefully help with all of that summer crap I have still refused to start.

talked to john this weekend which I havent done in a while I miss our conversations just dissing each other back and forth in creative ways. I always write these little stories about hsi future and he ends up either gay or with a 400 pound black woman or with a woman who is really a man so since it was his bday I promised i'd write a nice story where he got to have sex with an attractive straight woman it turned out pretty good if I do say so myself. It was nice talking to him though because he always gives me good relationship insight. He actually listened to me whine about my whole lost love situation...*sigh*

....thats all I can say about evan....*sigh* and I miss him like you wouldn't believe. I really did have good reasons for leaving him he was a big asshole to me but I can't seem to remember what hating him felt like. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder i suppose. you tend to romantisize things that were nowhere near as ideal as uyou remember them.

Danielle is in North Carolina : ( I miss my chub and her crazy conversations and living vicariously through her with her boys.

well this has gone on long enough I have school in the morning....bleh

~goodnight~