spinoangel
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2004 28 April :: 5.20pm
:: Music: damien rice - "delicate"
yeah, i obsess.
first time i've ever left a question blank on a math test.
and i studied. i studied. i studied. i studied. i really did.
isn't that supposed to mean something?
=*(
i feel like i've fallen. and i can't even imagine ... i hope it works out. sniff.
it's not that we're scared. it's just that it's delicate.
so why do you fill my sorrow with the words you borrow
from the only place you've known?
and why do you sing hallelujah, if it means nothing to you?
why do you sing with me at all?
we might live like never before when there's nothing to give.
well how can we ask for more?
we might make love in some sacred place.
the look on your face is delicate.
1 <3 |
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alwaysfalling
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2004 27 April :: 8.48pm
:: Mood: weird
:: Music: 3lw
i should've sat on that bench for the whole night. i came home and i was like, "i should've just stayed there." i come home and my mom tells me something disappointing, i've learned to not believe anything she says anymore, like before i would've cried for something like she did today but i've learned to just brush it off. i wish i would've cried though cause maybe she would've understood that i was upset instead i just said, "whatever" and put myself to sleep. lately, i feel like my mom and i's roles have changed. i'm the one that gives her advice these days. last night i had to explain to her why it is important for her to take her thyroid medicine. she just stopped taking it and figures her body can function properly without it and she wonders why she is always tired...
on better notes, i have 6 b's and 1 a on my progress reports. a little surprised by that. i thought my grade in english was horrible... it should've been but oh well. he gave me a 170/200 on my research paper. i think he was half asleep when he graded that or just felt bad for me. whatever, i'll take it.
wisdom teeth pulled in 3 days. 2 days left in this school week para mi.
must study for stats. i have a 79.9 in that class and i hear the short answer is hard. avi came to get me out of english during it and asked me what confidence interval was.... lol.
3 <3 |
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dmlxoxo
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2004 27 April :: 8.00pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: two step- the dave matthews band
I LOVE LIFEEEEEEEE
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Celebrate we will, because life is short...but sweet for certain.
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2 <3 |
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lifesuxsodanz
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2004 26 April :: 7.06pm
:: Mood: depressed wtf...
Today was a good day this was a good weekend. What is my problem. Everything is going great but I have this feeling of the world crashing down around me. Its like I don't deserve happiness my mind is a hopeless cynnic that has to twist all good thoughts into negativity.
school was easy today did nothing basicall, my health project went well I didn't do too miserably on the government mock. I had my captain interview after school for eagle ettes. It went fine. Not like spectacularly amazing but I think I gave some good answers. I'm more worried about teaching my dance but thast in a couple weeks. Guys are...nonexistent this past week, I've been busy they've been moody w/e its not even bothering me.
Friends are....friends I don't even care. I'm in a loner mood all of a sudden, happy perky jessica wore herself out or something. I'm getting into one of those moods again where I just don't like people. Nothing suicidal this time dont worry (ifu even would) im just...apathetic I expect too much from people and I will only get hurt so I'm not going to expect anything and it will save me pain later. I'm shutting down again I feel it. I'm ready to close myself off from the world.
I was sitting outside of my interview waiting for michelle and the seniors to be done so michelle could drive me home. And I wanted human contact so I looked thru my fone book I didn't wan tto talk to anyone. I called jimmy cuz no matter what I can always handle him but he was at swim I think...left him sum long babbling message. Then John called cuz he needed sum1's number it kinda cheered me up but I wasn't really into talking to him either. Everythign is just so...dissapointing
like myself I dissapoint myself. I couldnt even stay sober for a few weeks until school ended I could have not drank on saturday just gone and not drank there were sober people there. I also didnt have to literally drink until I passed out even jimmy said I had to much and thats saying something. Do I really have a problem? I made such a big deal about not doing it I'm pathetic.
why can't I let myself be happy?
im sry none of this makes sense oh well...
~numb again~
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**yeah either danielle forgot to give briana my money or briana didnt write my username on the paper when she sent it in cuz I didn't get a message saying my journal was saved...NE1 know anything about that?**
5 <3 |
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lifesuxsodanz
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2004 25 April :: 8.43pm
forgot to say a whole bunch....much updating to do.
mall with Heather and Danielle so much fun so many laughs...
Heather: omg...how did we get downstairs?!
Heather:...but sterling doesn't wear tube tops
Heather: yeah I was in the towncenter mall yesterday and it was so trashy..I was like why are there black people here?
heather's mom and grandma are also quite entertaining we ran into them a few times throughout the day. lol other funny things...aviator glasses, birds shitting on the sign, so much more I can't even remember it all.
lol danielle and I are big chubs and ate pretzal dogs when heather left (we had already had ben & jerrys) lol then we went into spencers to browse a bit lol edible underwear and such.... useful things at spencers.
I love prom dresses. Fuck prom I will just buy a million dresses and prance around my house like a princess. mmm loved the dominatrix dress too bad danielle broke it!! lmao.
yes...been talking to altan lately such an odd kid he is very dominic-like in the sense that he spews a lot of meaningless crap to every girl he talks to. I'm well hardened to such things so I can see it objectively...I see now how he makes them all fall for him tho it never did make sense. Danielle and I have a plan to fix him. muahahaha but I don't mind his conversation until then.
more from last night....I somehow got a hold of garys guitar and started playing it for darcy and her friend. lol they were either REAL messed up or I am sum sevant drunken muscian cuz they said it sounded like I knew what I was doing...I think idk maybe I imagined it.
My captain interview is tomorrow. I have to dress nice and such I'm a bit nervous I suppose. *cross fingers*
oh yeah danielle and I got a job application at 21 forever and are gunna look in2 working at aeropostale when it's open. That would be so great.
This was a good weekend...hangovers aside I feel good again. Happy and free and loved school is almost over just smile a little longer...
~no te pierdas el ahora~
(don't lose the now...)
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*edit*
Prom was this weekend didn't go got my 2am drunken fone call as promised so I felt like I was at the afterparty...so sad.
had a show on saturday morning I'm sure the seniors heads were all spinning with hangovers. Christina was in the audience <3 didn't see her when I left tho...prbly goign to see AJs sax quartet there were sum bandos there from atl.
lauren came over after to work on chem and our audition dances....much hilarity and strangeness ensued. "eat your fucking french fries!"...ahh good times good times
ok i'm really done now
~Jess~
5 <3 |
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bocaheath05
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2004 25 April :: 6.58pm
i just applied to be a chub, here's my application:
name: heather kinzer
bday: november 5, 1988 (15 yrs old)
C: most def, come on you know that
H: not really, but i prob will be... and i feel bad for them
U: i think i am..but who knows about others
B: oh hell yes my brother just said "heather" and i said "you know what brandon? i don't really care"
3 <3 |
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dmlxoxo
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2004 25 April :: 5.22pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: im shakin- rooney
FUCKING WEEKENDS GO BY LIKE ITS NOTHING AND THEN THE WEEK COMES ALONG AND DRAGS ON IN A MEAN TORTUROUS WAY---AHH I WANT ANOTHER WEEKEND, WHERE IS THE FAST FORWARD BUTTON ON TIME??
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well now that thats off my chest...
somethings been scaring me lately. ive come to learn that some of the people im friends with are so two faced its disgusting. its like, when they see you in the hallway they wave and smile and come and give u the hugest hug, then tell u that they love your new pants---but as soon as your back is turned they go up to another one of their two faced friends and say something like: omg can you believe what she was wearing today? it was absolutely the ugliest thing ive ever seen. as ive been paying attention to these particular people lately, ive noticed how mean they actually are. theyre all so judgemental with their comments and stuff, so quick to judge others even when they dont even know them....literally. and the worst part of it all is that its all rooted in their insecurities. can you imagine what life would be like if every time someone thought something it would be forced to come out of their mouths? or not even that, just imagine if the world was a place where everyone was themselves...there was no pretending, no insecurities. do you remember when we were little and we all used to pretend to be people we werent? we would dress up like mommies and put on makeup and high heeled shoes 8 sizes too big for our feet, and wheel our baby dolls with their arms falling off wearing stained clothes in their little plastic baby strollers, and we'd walk around the house on the "street" and talk on our pretend cell phones to someone named "honey" or "darling", bossing them around or complaing to them about how they'll be home late from "work". those few people who are still stuck in the past still pretend, but instead of putting on high heeled shoes 8 sizes too big for their feet and wearing clip on earings and a hat with a big bow that flopped down over their eyes so they could barely see, they put on a fake smile and cover up their real personality with a fake one that tricks people into liking them....even trusting them with information you know that they could use against you and then letting them, all because you thought that they were actually who theyre trying to be when theyre around you.
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next week is the pediatric aids kids for kids fair and i CANNOT wait. its gunna b crazy, i hope the weathers nice, it really was icky 2 years ago, that sucked. wow i cannot wait, its gunna b waaaay fun!
---danielle morgan
3 <3 |
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spinoangel
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2004 25 April :: 12.15pm
:: Mood: lonely... yeah yeah yeah so is everyone.
:: Music: billy joel - "she's got a way"
it's my turn.
watching disney movie, "ring of endless light". i guess mischa barton was always good at getting mad at the boys she likes. i see why she was casted for OC. she's great at being emotional. this movie even makes me cry too.
so that part when she and that guy were on the beach, dancing, and they kissed. and then later, she went inside and said "... wow."
yeah... i.
i miss that feeling.
i have nothing to do today. my parents are going to some friends party and i am left home alone with leftover chinese and no one to talk to. oh well. i could start on long-term homework. but will i?... not unless i'm SO bored that i can't stand it.
i wish i knew that someone felt about me like how the lyrics in this song are.
she's got a way about her.
don't know what it is, but i know that i can't live without her.
she's got a way of pleasing.
don't know what it is, but there doesnt have to be a reason anyway.
she's got a smile that heals me,
i don't know what it is, but i have to laugh when she reveals me.
she's got a way of talking,
don't know what it is, but it lifts me up when we are walking anywhere.
she comes to me when i'm feeling down, inspires me.
without a sound, she touches me, and i get turned around.
she's got a way of showing me,
how i make her feel and i find the strength to keep on going.
she's got a light around her,
and everywhere she goes a million rings of love surround her everywhere.
she comes to me when i'm feeling down, inspires me.
without a sound, she touches me, i get turned around.
she's got a smile that heals me,
i don't know what it is, but i have to laugh when she reveals me.
she's got a way about her, don't know what it is.
but i know that i can't live without her.
4 <3 |
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lifesuxsodanz
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2004 25 April :: 10.26am
:: Mood: tired as hell
:: Music: shhh quiet please
so much for being good...
Still a bit drunk from last night...I had fun while I was concious. Last party before all my seniors leave (unless her parents go out of town over the summer) but still it was sad.
Joey Gomez was there b4 it got started dropping sum1 off it was weird. Ashley's cousin Zach was also there...He's cool so that wasn't weird but still it was weird.
Steve went out and got us plenty of stuff the twins were there. lol I had so much trouble keeping track of which was Alejandro and which was Alberto. Elon came he's hilarious...almost ended up sleeping with **NOBODY**apparantly. Chris was there for a bit I was so mean to him I was like get drunk or get out.
I stuck with Jose all night (lol no not another spanish guy just my bf jose cuervo <3) after about 10 tequila shots I was dead to the world I blacked out on the couch and woke up in the same position the next morning...I'm such a light weight.
Zach and that guy Gary were playing guitar and every1 was singing it was fun. Elon dancing on the patio was hilarious...me and alejandro having balancing competitions very amusing I think he let me win once out of pity cuz I didn't see him drinking at all.
Well I'm meeting heather and danielle at the mall in a few hrs...must sober up...take a shower take a nap...I'm exhausted
~have a good weekend~
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boricuababy
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2004 24 April :: 10.29am
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: bling bling
ugh..
yea my dad didnt show up last nite to pick us up..itz nutten new..but i wuz countin on him to take us out somewhere..i havent done nething in like forevvverrr..cuz im still grounded and all..blahhh..so dat made me kinda pissed..so im home..bored..he sed he wuz gonna pick us up today wen he getz off from work which is aroun 4-ish..so itz juss me n jon..mom n pat had to work overtime today..bcuz the company is movin into another building and they hafta help..sucks for them..i can tell already that 2day is gonna be a lazy bum day..watchin tv in shit.. ehh..oh well..x0x0
3 <3 |
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lifesuxsodanz
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2004 22 April :: 9.21pm
:: Mood: happy
Half day today, turned out pretty good. !st hr was...well english who cares about english. The government test actually didn't seem that bad considering all I did was read the outline 5 minutes before the test we'll see. Health we had a sub and she left no work. I was NOT in the mood to sit in a room with those people for an hour so I got out an old pass told the guy sum shit about a rehersal and headed for the dance room.
On the way there I heard the familiar sound of "Jessica Brandi is such a skank" from somethere above. lol I looked up and saw alicia and hillary and some other seniors I kinda knew just chillin outside of their english class. They were supposed to be doing work or something but they were'nt so I went up there and sat and chilled with them until they had to go in. Jimmy had been a skank and left me messages from home laughing at me for being in school so I called him and talked to him for a bit. lol I love how when your in the annex you can do whatever you want. When they had to go in I did make my way over to the dance room and watched a few minutes of Chorus Line with the class in there until the bell rang.
Went to stats...actually pulled an 81 on the AP mock...couldnt have done it without logan but eh what can ya do. lol spent a lot fo time making fun of Dave's soccer trophy considering half of my dance ones are big enough to eat it.
I had caught michelle in the hallway earlier and asked her for a ride so I met her in the annex after school and we made r way over to her car. Hillary was parked next to her so we decided to go out to lunch. We got a lil held up though because Hillary decided to be nice and give this girl in the parking lot a jump when her car wouldnt start. lol I was a little scared they were going to blow sumthing up since no1 knew what they were doing. We ended up getting like 5 people to help. After a wonderful meal at burger king (lol I only had $5) we went to michelle's house to chill. Finally got to see her brother even though it was only for a few minutes. We sat around and looked at pictures for the eagle ette slide show messed with the computer a lil...it was good times. I came home and fell asleep for about 4 hours then woke up for dinner. Now I'm talkin to CHUB and co.
I want to go to prom so bad!!!!! I'm so jealous they are all getting a room at embassy suites where shariffs party and sum other ones I think are going on. They all wanted me to go but going home after (which I would have had to do) would have been pointless plus I'm broke, dresses and updo's are expensive. eh Next year...to bad they will all be gone : (
I'm going to cry at banquet....
I'm not going to get captain or co- captain I know it I'm so nervous about my audition and my interview whichis on monday eeekkkk!!
ok well that was pretty damn boring for you all I'm sure....again fuck you no one makes you read it. : )
~Jess~
3 <3 |
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spinoangel
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2004 22 April :: 5.51pm
:: Music: konstantine
just doing the daily past time
=*(
i'm sooo tired and i'm so fucking pissed. and crying. and i feel like shit because i wanted sleep but every single time i was going to fall asleep, my mom calls me to go downstairs and do something.
it was a nice day with adam and danielle though. they make me smile a lot.
i'm soooo... it hurts so much. the tears just wont stop running down my face because my eyes and body are so tired.
tripping. hyperventilating.
i don't wanna be here in the future.
i don't wanna look much closer.
all this hope i sent into the sky had crashed.
2 <3 |
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boricuababy
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2004 22 April :: 1.54pm
:: Mood: pain
:: Music: where tha party at??
ouchhhh..it hurtssss..:(
i got a major fuckin beat down in P.E today..lol..carlos hit me wid tha basketball twice..he sed sorry but i got really mad..not at him tho..juss because of tha fact that i got hit and because i got hit in tha face..u guyz kno how i am bout stuff like dat..well tha first time it hit me like on my neck/ear/jaw area and i heard a snap in my jaw..wooo..dat freaked me out..i thot like i broke my jaw or sum shit like dat..lol..den i checked my earring and it got dented!!! omg..dat pissed me off..der my NAME EARRINGS!! i wear em all tha time..hopefully i can get it fixed..but dat got me more mad..and den i got hit on my back..lol..but yea..datz wha happened 2day..
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bocaheath05
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2004 21 April :: 9.16pm
i forgot to add that my quarter was stolen by this black girl in the lunchline. she came up and asked if her taco could be rang up with my chips, and i gave a dollar ( the chips were $0.75). never got my quarter back.
fucker
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