sameen
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2004 21 April :: 6.51pm
i cant fuckin do this nemore. it's not fair. no one understands.
3 <3 |
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spinoangel
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2004 21 April :: 6.21pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: seether f/ amy lee - "broken"
tiredness.
i just feel tired of life in general. i don't feel like i really have anything to live for. well, maybe my weekends. yeah, i love those. but regular life, in school, no. frustration? ... not cool. i have lots to say and i have no idea what to say.
____ is the bane of my existence.
everything else, i feel so secure with. i just... i'm gonna be so happy when i know i'll never have to set foot in that classroom ever again. although i feel a little better lately about it cuz now all we do is dbqs and as long as i dont have to listen to him lecture about stuff i dont understand, i'm good. that movie we watched last class made me emotional, i was gonna cry when the soldier shot the vietnamese man. it just reminds me of my grandpa or something. (he fought in the war... not for the north though.) i just hope that i can raise it to an A. and pass the AP exam. i gotta start studying. sometime.
social life? eh, let's ignore that for a while.
wish list = win a date with tad hamilton, chasing liberty
may 1 = happiness (hopefully) for kat, sunfest with gavin and michelle
after school is done on friday, i am OUT. to texas. just living until that day comes.
i like this song.
i wanna hold you high and steal your pain away.
i kept your photograph and i know it serves me well.
i'm broken when i'm lonesome and i don't feel right when you're gone away.
the worst is over now. and we can breathe again.
i wanna hold you high and steal your pain away.
there's so much left to learn and no one left to find.
cuz i'm broken when i'm open and i don't feel like i am strong enough.
i am broken when i'm lonesome and i don't feel right when you're gone away.
!!!!!!!
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dmlxoxo
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2004 21 April :: 5.51pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: empty apartment- yellowcard
"take you away from that empty apartment..."
i got my report card in the mail today. god, if theres one thing that would fuck my week up, i shoulda known it was that---not that it was bad or anything, it was totally fine, just not up to my parents' "standards". my first b+ in spanish ever---they almost died. my mom was yelling at me like crazy, it was awful...and the stupid part is that she makes me believe that thats what im worth....a b+, and even though thats a good grade, she makes me feel stupid---both of them did. and with math, nothing even happened with that grade, i have my solid b for the whole year so far and they were disappointed in that one because they "thought i was going to get a b+", which all of a sudden had become acceptable to them. and in global, i have an a-, which is awesome, but to them, its not acceptable because its less than my usual a. i mean sure, i was a little disappointed when i saw some of my grades dropped, no one likes when that happens, but i wasnt dissatisfied with them, they still managed to stay in my acceptable range, but they didnt exceed my parents' expectations. god that makes me sick, it was awful when my mom was yelling at me....i cried. i dont know why, i wasnt disappointed in myself, but it just reminds me of that day when i got a b on my math test [once again, not bad], but my dad said "you have to do better" and stared me down---once again, even though i saw it as acceptable, the way he said it and how he looked at me made me feel so stupid, like "how the fuck could u get a b and not be distraught danielle?". im not perfect, i dont get a's in everything, and im okay with that, i dont know why they cant be....
.......and what makes me feel even worse is that as all parents do, they see me as perfect, so i know it kills them even more when the imperfections surface.
2 <3 |
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bocaheath05
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2004 21 April :: 5.24pm
just saw christina's journal and noticed she said she was watching cluless last night....HAHA i was too, i totally love that movie.
i think that i am like cher because we both have guy problems and stuff. i so want to be her. clueless has seriously changed my life.
last night i tried to help alex with his algebra, i forgot it. he was so stoned, maybe i knew this because he kept saying "heather, i'm so stoned"
oh, how i can love certain people and hate certain people at the same time
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boricuababy
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2004 21 April :: 5.19pm
:: Mood: blahh
i am so0o confused and i dont like it..anyways
"i exist in the depths of solitude pondering my true goal trying to find peace of mind and still preserve my soul..constantly yearning to be accepted and from all receive respect never comprising but sometimes risky and that is my only regret a young heart with an old soul how can there be peace..how can i be in the depths of solitude when there are two inside me..this duo within me causes the perfect opportunity to learn and live twice as fast as those who accept simplicity.."
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lifesuxsodanz
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2004 20 April :: 10.12pm
Notes:
*practice canceled wasted half the afternoon sleeping
*did bad on the AP mock I know it
*barely finished my spanish project due tomorrow
*Have another project due thursday....have yet to start
*I'm getting sum IB chick to tutor me in chemistry...I don't even want to bother
*hopefully going to the mall with heather sunday
*HOPEFULLY going to danielle h's post prom night party on saturday
*show on saturday morning
*it hurts me when he hurts himself...it hurts when he hurts me....he made me cry again
*I don't cry
*drugs are bad for you
*I need some desperately : \
*my friend tried to kill himself....i think...he upsets me too
*I miss the simple happy times
*I miss the beach at night
*I love Gilmore Girls
*OC tomorrow more therapy (the show that is)
*someone had sex on danielle's bed
*Government test thursday.....no
*A Kiss Kan Kill......
*I'm dying here
*Jess*
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spinoangel
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2004 20 April :: 9.30pm
:: Mood: uhhhhh.
watching clueless
has made a lot of my frustrating feelings go away.
watch it.
"we're friends because we both know what it's like to have people be jealous of us."
*everyone will wanna look just like me. cuz i'm gonna look so beautiful. i'm gonna be a supermodel.*
it makes me smile. =)
3 <3 |
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Lizzy
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2004 20 April :: 9.20pm
quick update:
life's been good(ish). today practice was canceled and my mom and i went shopping for upcoming birthdays for mis amigos. i like spending time with my mom :) love.
2 <3 |
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alwaysfalling
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2004 19 April :: 11.41pm
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: ben folds - the luckiest
thank you for the compliments on my journal and yes pretam, i do cut the grass, thats how i get the little muscle that i do have, i even have a hill in my backyard that i have to push that thing up.
i love being awake when no one else is. it gives me time to sit online and just think and wonder. tonight, i thought about guys and who they affect my life. i've come to this:
"boys, sometimes i girl just needs one..."
i've never been dependent on a guy, nor do i ever plan to be. i do plan on falling in love with one though. i like being independent in my own ways. i always thought that a boy is just someone to come along on the ride though and be there when you need him, a good friend. i still think that. i like living in my own world, where disney is real, so any guy that is willing to deal with that then i say you can come with me, just leave me alone when i want to be free. who knows. if you have no idea what i am saying, just ignore that.
lets see what else i thought about, oh yes, religion. lately, i've been thinking about it a lot. i'm still "finding myself" and when i'm finished, i'll tell you exactly what i am. right now though, i'm just clueles, i believe in God and know that I am a christian, now i'm jsut wondering what kind of christian i am. my parents are both catholic. my dad is still practicing, my mom says she is but hasn't been to church in over a year. *shrug* i don't see myself as being a catholic though, some things in that religion i just disagree with.
memory lane is so much fun, jessica and i took another stroll down it tonight. we realized how much things have changed in these past few months. look at homecoming to now. what the heck happened? things i guess. remember that night? i mean i know there were some bad moments, but remember the good? remember the beach? the glowing moon, the waves, the sand, my baby boy dance, the cool breeze? remember the dancing? the laughs? when at least more than one person gets a car, we need to make that trip to the beach again and experience.
i wish people were more content with life. life is so wonderful. live everyday as it was your last, for you and only you. regrets are not fun. my cousin has this thing on his profile it says, "don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive anyways." so enjoy, and experience the bittersweet.
and if thats all bullshit.... you only have 27 more days left of school til summer.
<3 love.
11 <3 |
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spinoangel
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2004 19 April :: 8.16pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: nothing.
so fucking angry and frustrated today. for once, i don't wanna be at home. i just wanna be GONE. wish adam could just pick me up and i could LEAVE. dammit. i just get angrier with myself and with crap.
sigh. thanks to ashley cline, as always for finding some sort of outlet for me. usually a song, but this video is absolutely heartbreaking yet uplifting. thank you again.
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/shii.php
!!!!!!!
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lifesuxsodanz
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2004 18 April :: 10.37pm
:: Mood: ahhh
Thought:
IB band-aids for school inflicted wounds. My mind is in shambles it will manifest upon my flesh soon enough.....
~This stress is beginning to break skin~
1 <3 |
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dmlxoxo
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2004 18 April :: 9.43pm
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: sic transit gloria- brand new
you know, its funny...how movies can make you think. the other night i saw the weirdest movie, it seriously was one of the weirdest movies ive ever seen. it was sad and depressing, and also disappointing to see how some people actually live. it was about this innocent girl whos life became corrupt because of this new lifestyle she decided to try out. she would steal stuff and smoke and drink and do drugs and have sex and lie and cheat and cut herself and she let her family life go down the tubes. she was in 7th grade. her mother would tell her that she loved her and she would tell her to "fuck off you stupid bitch". that absolutely killed me, but it was 10 times worse when she would say those things because all i could think of is how much it must hurt to open your heart to someone by telling them that you love them, and not having that love returned, i know that the first time i experience that im going to cry. just watching it happen to that mother in the movie made me want to cry. and the worst part of it all is that every time that scenario would happen i would see me and my mom. not like i tell her to fuck off bitch when she says i love you to me, its just that a lot of times when she says it to me, i find myself saying "thanks". it makes me feel horrible now, i mean i cant believe i say "thank you". i cant even imagine how horrible that must make her feel. im not doing that n e more, just because me and my mom dont get along all the time doesnt mean i should be so cruel. uggh god, i need to get my act together. i feel so awful.
-danielle
4 <3 |
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alwaysfalling
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2004 18 April :: 5.14pm
:: Mood: satisfied
:: Music: switchfoot - you already take me there
finished the journal, take a look at it and tell me what you think.
so today is sunday, last day of the weekend. i'm ready for school tomorrow because i'm ready to get school over with for this year. the weekend was nice. friday night went to watch the chicas dance. they did a great job. i really wanted to be on that stage dancing with them. after the dance show, we went out to the movies and saw the punisher. saturday i went to city place with my mom to eat lunch and walk around and then came home and went to a 4 year old's birthday party with tina. today i woke up and cut the grass and that was about it. hope you all are having a nice weekend. see you tomorrow.
love.
5 <3 |
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spinoangel
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2004 18 April :: 12.05pm
:: Mood: calm
procrastinating.
uhhh. altered my journal only a little. to fit "title and registration". it's supposed to be playing on it. and.... it plays on my comp. but i assume it doesnt on yours. i got so frustrated last night i just stopped trying to fix it. can you hear it? =\
today = sun, art, love
edit
had a good day. a little guilty though. sigh. not enough time to write what i want to!
2 <3 |
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lifesuxsodanz
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2004 17 April :: 11.37pm
mmmm dance show day 2...went pretty good we were all sore and tired so maybe not as good as friday night but eh...me and brittney's duet actually did look good tonight neither of us fucked up and we were all on count so I felt way better about that.
After the show I was so tired I just wanted to go home, brittney nicki and jenn were going to bostons i think and hillary richelle and co. went to fridays, Jessica went home like a loser lol I had an exhausting day.
woke up at 7:20 took a shower got dressed and did my makeup for delray affiar michelle picked me up at 8:30 we drove around looking for a parking spot forever and finally found one abotu a millon miles away from teh stage. So then we walked and walked and pondered what the hell we were doing up this early. So yeah did the show and it sucked cuz we were all too sore and tired to care lol.
After that michelle and lauren came back to my house to work on lauren and my captain audition dances we have to teach the squad. It helped a lot just having some1 there to give me opinions I choreographed a lot more and michelle helped me fix my formations. And we filled in sum holes in laurens dance. lol were not really competing against each other we just want to be captain and co captain together so we have to beat every1 else. crazy dance politics its ridiculous sumtimes. I want co captain next year I don't think I can handle captain but idk they mite not even give me that. ahhh this is stressing me out so bad I just want banquet to be over so I know.
lol lauren michelle and i have to be the oddest human beings on the planet. It is so funny when we are together. Michelle losing her car keys in the lining of her warmup pants at subway...well either u take off ur pants or we hang u upside down and shake until they fall out.....lauren having the nerve to be a backseat driver when her car is totaled. lol another odd yet nice day.
talkin to jackie myers shes so cute...lol I think shes gunna try out for EE nxt year and danielle was considering it i think...that would be fun if they made it..well my children I think it is sleep time or something of the sort I shall see you soon.
~so much love~
Jess
1 <3 |
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