the end is the beginning is the end

the end is the beginning is the end

:: 2004 16 December :: 4.25am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: chino's purring and some thunder outside

hanging out with an arab pea

AC (in reference to faisal hamada): call him to see where he is, and DON'T HIT ON HIM.
me: i won't!
AC: so i'll drop you off at marina with faisal and i'll go take care of business at the store, then i'll catch up with you guys. i can't believe i'm leaving you alone with him...
me: come on! don't you trust me?
AC: NO! not when it comes to penis!
me: yeah me neither.

it's ironic how close we are and how little we trust one another at the same time, eh? and this is us,

AC said a whole story, stuff and stuff, and i'm filling in the blanks.

so we're in the car, on the way to marina together because it ends up i didn't go hang out with 7amada unsupervised. well i call to make sure he's still there since he told us the guys were leaving soon and we didn't want him to hang around alone waiting for us, and a gruff, middle aged kuwaiti-ish voice says:

phone: alo
me: this is not person...
phone: alo!
me: do you want to buy?
phone: mino intay? (who are you?)
me: um...
phone: mino?
me: who is this?
phone: an ubu faisal. (i am faisal's father.)

whoa. shit. this is the part where i have complete cardiac arrest. almost. he must have forgotten his phone at home, and i called and his FATHER picked up. he is going to get into so much shit. whoa. shit.

phone: mino intay?
me: ana, um, ibsafa, oo abee kitab, umm... (i'm, um, in his class, and i need a book, umm...)
phone: laish intay ibnaya itdegeen 3ala wildee? (why are you, a girl, calling my son?)
me: um.... 3ami...(um... uncle*...)
phone: intay ga7ba? (are you a whore?)
me: ALRIGHT WHO IS THIS?!

if you guessed it was dzaner by now pulling kuwait's most terrifying prank, then you are correct. oh man. oh man i was scared crapless. terrified out of my wits. shit.

anyway, we get there, and some stuff happens, and someone's father is conspicuous, and then AC has a giant THE ONE mug of coffee and starts chain smoking because she's discovered the wonderful world of softpacks. tard. so i'm sitting there surrounded by 7amada, dzaner, AC, all chain smoking and drinking black coffee, getting jittery and hyper (except dzaner who gets really really relaaaaaaaaaxed), and i order myself orange juice. goody good. ugh.

any way, AC got hyper after downing her coffee and about a dozen fags. uh oh. the girlfriends and co get there and she starts going nuts, "let's do something fun!"

AC: come on! let's do something fun!
me: *looks in the opposite direction* ok ok i have an idea.
AC: *squeals* what?!
me: alrigh, go running outside, as fast as you can, and come around this side, see, and vault off the balcony and attach yourself to that palm tree outside**. then start humping it and make a wish.
AC: ...why?
me: because it's a big one and a magic palm tree that grants you wishes!

praise foofoo for magic palm trees.

she got the rest of the night pretty much covered, i just had to share some tidbits. the end.

*'Uncle', or '3ami' is used in place of 'Sir' in kuwait.
**THE ONE is on the second floor and we'd earlier discussed the big palm tree outside when dzaner told me how he was going to cut down a palm tree and decorate it for christmas. when i suggested he go for the giant palm tree outside the balcony, he said "I think I'd get fucked, a white guy hanging off a palm tree with a chainsaw in Salmiya."

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moana

:: 2004 15 December :: 8.52am
:: Music: sound effects of rain

You're 22 today! and on the 13th, 7amada was 17, and on the 14th, Sarah turned 21!
Happy Birthday. that's birthday number 3.

(three down, four to go.)

I just want to mention that it rained so hard all last night and all this morning and the roads are flooded. The school is practically desserted (is that how you spell that?). How appropriate is it that the police would turn cars back home because of how much it's raining on the day of Joe's birthday?

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whitepony

:: 2004 14 December :: 5.51pm
:: Music: Alexisonfire - Happiness By The Kilowatt

A Brief History of a Modern Day Crute
10th grade: History - Alex Camp

Alex: "Hey Joe, wanna write my essay for me?"
Joe: "Hell no!"
Alex: "I'll pay you $200"
Joe: "Alright!"
Alex: "Ummm.. how about $100?"
Joe: "Yeah sure"

*Joe waits until Alex pays him the money before getting started, which leaves him two days, busts it out, gets Alex a B"

*Mr. Skinner's notes on essay* "This looks plagiarized"

*Joe's thoughts* Mr. Skinner suspected it was plagiarized because Alex never did any good work in that class and all of a sudden he does a good paper, tisk tisk

12th grade: English - Kyle Lawler

Kyle: *frantic* "Joe! I really need your help! I'm close to failing my classes and I need this class especially in order to graduate. Will you write my essay? I'll pay you."
Joe: "Yeah, no problem man. But keep the money."

Joe watches Kyle walk down the aisle and get his diploma, a single tear falls (Not really but wouldn't that've been cute?)

Wednesday December 10th, 2004: Philosophy - Kyle Lawler

Kyle: "Hey man, I really need your help. I have tons of shit to do for finals and I need to do a damn essay for philosophy. It has to be 5-8 pages and its due on Monday. Will you do it for me please? I'll pay you"
Joe: "Sure thing, but you don't need to pay"

Joe: *spends all weekend writing paper*

-The difference between the past two incidents and this one is I was actually in those classes so I knew the material and I had done the assignment myself, so I knew what was up, I just needed to switch it up a bit. But I've never taken a philosophy class before nor had I ever heard of existentialism or Friedrich Nietzsche. So this was the hardest essay I had ever written. But I did it out of kindness and friendship and because I love to write. If I can do this for Kyle, imagine the possibilities for the rest of you. Ask and you shall receive. I mean it, I'm here for all of you, or there, whatever the case may be. You all mean something to me, the degrees may vary depending on how well I know you, but still, I care about you.

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nerdalert

:: 2004 13 December :: 10.32pm

Christmas break
well break is going to start tomorrow!!! woo! semester over! well i have one more exam tomorrow, but whatever. i hate that class and i think i have like a 2.0 in it right now :-/ damn you latin american histroy, you gpa wrecker!!

so tomorrow i will be home anywhere between 6 and 7. Then i will proceed to do laundry for the rest of the night and the next day. Then we have youth group where we will play basketball hopefully. then julia and sarah are coming to spend the night at my house so they dont have to drive as far on thurday when we go to BLUE MOUNTAIN to go SNOWBOARDING. I am soooo stoked for that you have no idea, like 4 whole days of snowboarding and drinking in Canada.

then get back from that sunday and have a week to do whatever i want, and on the 23...go snowboarding with rachelle at pine knob....right? then christmas! then YAG!

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moana

:: 2004 13 December :: 4.21pm
:: Music: everclear - afterglow

You're the Tortured Intellectual!
Take What sort of Hipster are you? today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.

You're sensitive, you're emotional, and you wonder why everyone else in the world exists on a different plane. You cannot eat, breathe, or sleep without analyzing each action to death. You're usually sombre, lethargic, but you can be overly glad from time to time. You wear whatever you can find on your cluttered bedroom floor. You carry books, notepads, reading glasses with you wherever you go. You have friends, but only a few who truly get where you're coming from. You frequent coffee shops, libraries, and the less crowded bars. You're obsessed with past people, past ideas, past lives. You wish you could die and be reborn as Jack Kerouac.

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moana

:: 2004 13 December :: 3.47pm
:: Mood: full
:: Music: goldfinger - superman

so here i am
my mom's watching a retarded soap opera on Tv, days of our lives or something, and there's a girl dancing like she has a wedgie on. i'm disturbed.

in other news! chorus class today. last period. was one of the most fullfilling experiences of my life.

(andy helped me make the distinction, it wasn't pleasurable, but it was definately fullfilling.)

guess what was just lying around in the open, exposed to all, in the middle of choir?

blag's drumset. oh yeah. his love. his life. that piece of musical equipment worth more than 1800KD, which comes roughly to about $6000. he could never love a person the way he loves that drumset. he could never love anyone or anything, the way he loves, adores, worships, that drumset. out in the open. exposed to our choir class. oh yeah.

it was beaten. it was hammered. it was battered. it was kicked. oh man. oh man oh man. and there he was after school, standing around with his posse, pretending to be too cool to notice i was like five feet away from him. jackass.

i so wanted to just go up to him and be like "i'd check on my drumset if i were you." i wanted him to know i was there, cheering, calling out encouragment. i wished i could go up to him and tell him how i wanted to beat the drumset with the other one's guitar. their music is their life. their instruments are the source of that life. i wanted to destroy it.

am i evil? oh yeah.

do they deserve it? oh yeah.

oh yeah they deserve it. he totally deserves it. i hope life screws him over so i can go up to him and go, "hey blag, how many guys have really been down your pants?"

omayya was wearing his perfume. it drove me nuts, missing him that is. bastard.

chorus class. last period. more fullfilling than anything he ever did for me.

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nerdalert

:: 2004 11 December :: 12.43pm

why study when i can do this.......;-)

You're the Rock Star!
Take What sort of Hipster are you? today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.

Fuck college, fuck a "real" job! Music is your life! You're a hometown hero! You're in at least two local bands and are thinking of forming a third. You sleep on your friend's couch, eat your friend's food, and borrow your friend's car. You frequent the dark city bars and hang with the other rockers and groupies. You wear dirty jeans, well-worn t-shirts, and your hair is a mess. You're sinister and mysterious and look as if you don't give a shit. You worship the Rolling Stones, MC5, and your older brother's band. You're gonna make it big one of these days, you can just feel it.

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moana

:: 2004 11 December :: 7.11pm
:: Music: dave matthews - an' another thing

I love this song
I want to say something important. But I don't know how to say it. I'm not sure who I'm saying it to. So now I'm confused.

It's not fair. I worked hard, harder than my brother, and he just happened to be born with a penis so he automatically gets to do whatever? He graduated highschool with a 2.3 GPA. I have a 3.4. I hate this country. I hate everything it tries to teach me and everything it tries to force on me, and I hate everything it taught my father and everything he's forcing on me, and I hate the fact that we all know it's a shit country, but just because it's MY country, I have to stay put and make it better when all I wanna say is fuck it, I hope it goes to hell with all its dirty politicians, theiving royal family and sexist men. I don't want to make my country a better place when my country won't let me be a better person.

That was it. The important thing I had to tell you, all of you, is that my chances of ever getting out of here are slim to none.

I may never meet you.

Read more..

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WhitePony

:: 2004 10 December :: 5.45pm

You Are a Prophet Soul

You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone.
Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people.
Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run.
No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way.

You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle.
Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings.
A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning.
You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer.

Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

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WhitePony

:: 2004 10 December :: 5.27pm
:: Music: Sparta - Air

DUH

You're the Rock Star!
Take What sort of Hipster are you? today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.

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WhitePony

:: 2004 9 December :: 10.10pm

The Sponge
The sponge soaks in every mess around it. It just gets more and more full, taking in all kinds of burdens. It can't get rid of any of its burdens, because as soon as it tries to push some of it out, it just falls back into a different pore, rejoining the other burdens. The only release for the sponge is to do a full wring of itself, draining itself. I am the sponge.

I hate being the nice guy. Every favor, despite the adversity to my own well being, I accept. I am not free of worry and stress, I have my own, yet I willingly allow others to throw theirs onto me as well. And even when they're not throwing their burdens, I take it upon myself to grab those burdens and heave them onto my back along with the rest. Everyone else's are on there, why not add yours? Why can't I just say no? Why are people compelled to walk on me because I'm nice? Its because they know I won't protest. I won't confront them. I just sit back, hold my tongue and twiddle my thumbs, pretending that everything is alright. Well, y'know what? Everything is not all right. You're killing me. Each footfall that drives me deeper into the earth, each burden that weakens my back, eventually it'll kill me. But I will never tell you this, I will never show this on my face. No, instead I'll put on a fa�ade. A bright mask with a big smile on it, letting you know I'm happy and I'm here for you. Because I am. I am here for you. I am here for everyone. I am not here for myself. No, that'd be selfish. Shame on you, never put yourself before others. This makes you happy but it doesn't make them happy? Well fuck that, that can't be, you mustn't be happy at the cost of others! Now lie on the ground so I can use you to wipe the shit off my shoes. That's all you're good for anyway isn't it? You're not beautiful. You're not talented. You're not worth it. Be proud I chose you as my curb. Why are you so surprised? This is how you've lived your life for the past two decades, nothing is different. You're used to it. You accept it. I accept it....... I accept it.

Here's the part where I critisize this whole online journal nonsense. I've lain dormant because I view this journal as not a place to express how I feel about things but rather as a stage to entertain. I look for laughs, or "awwws" or reminiscence. I need an outlet, but its hard when I feel as if everyone is staring at me all at once. I need one on one time to expose, but this opens the doors to countless others. I go through this in my head daily, but clearly its not enough if its a daily occurrence. I needed to put this down, tear it off my chest. But please, as a favor I'm asking of you, don't ask me about this the next time we talk.

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nerdalert

:: 2004 9 December :: 12.22pm
:: Mood: sleepy

doin it up, last wednesday in LBN for the year
well it was a fun night, went out with my housemates for next year. we went to ato...thats dereks frat, but i only saw him for like 2 seconds. i went to jamie's room at like 1030, and had some beer, and then we went to ato, hung out with a few people for a while and then went into the basement where there is normally dancing. well there really wasnt, only a couple people were. then as were all standing there, these two girls come up to me and are all hittingon me and shit. and after a while, im being nice and all, bc im not gonna be mean even though im way homophobic im not going to be mean to someone theyre like lets dance, and im like "i dont really like dancing" blah blah blah making excuses why i dont want to, and theyre like grabing my arms and trying to get me to dance. they finely give up and they send this guy over and he;s like "those girls told me to coem dance with you" and i seriously just didnt feel like it because we were about to leave now. but he just started like dancing with me anyway, so we danced for a while and then jamie saved me, and we went up stairs, but campus safety came and we had to hide in a random room, but whatever. then we left and i came back and talked to janet for two seconds and it ended with me saying "bye bye" so yeah, last wednesday in LBN for the semester, did it up right (minus some added unexpected things)

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