oOoBuBbLeSoOo

:: 2004 10 August :: 4.26pm

What attracts people to you?
brought to you by Quizilla

:: 2004 10 August :: 3.47pm

things just aren't how they used to be...
kels7216: ok so y dont u stay single then
regulator420i: u want me too
kels7216: it doesnt matter wat i want anymore
regulator420i: to me it did

.........

:: 2004 10 August :: 12.24am
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: a sunday x jimmy eat world

as the drugs leave..as you lose me.. the haze clears from your eyes.. on a sunday.."

BlckTangldHrt35x: because u expect so much from me

Auto response from Haiz n Daiz: whats the defference between you and me?

BlckTangldHrt35x: so hold me so high like im something so great
BlckTangldHrt35x: and im really not
BlckTangldHrt35x: its like..
Haiz n Daiz: yes you are...to me
Haiz n Daiz returned at 12:04:36 AM.
BlckTangldHrt35x: everything that you say
BlckTangldHrt35x: is so..
BlckTangldHrt35x: permanent
Haiz n Daiz: BUT YOUR TO FUCKING BLIND TO SEE THAT
BlckTangldHrt35x: and that scares me
Haiz n Daiz: permanent?
BlckTangldHrt35x: and thats why i dont know
BlckTangldHrt35x: yes permanent
Haiz n Daiz: what do you mean?
BlckTangldHrt35x: like..
BlckTangldHrt35x: i dont know
BlckTangldHrt35x: im so afraid of commitment
Haiz n Daiz: then leave me to be
BlckTangldHrt35x: but i know that i should be with you
Haiz n Daiz: not if you dont want commitment
Haiz n Daiz: thats the only thing ill be with
Haiz n Daiz: i wont be used again
BlckTangldHrt35x: no i do.. its just im afriad that im going to fuck things up
BlckTangldHrt35x: or fucking
BlckTangldHrt35x: have you leave me
BlckTangldHrt35x: like every otehr commitment ive had
Haiz n Daiz: listen
Haiz n Daiz: would you cheat on me
BlckTangldHrt35x: no
Haiz n Daiz: are you sure?
BlckTangldHrt35x: yes
Haiz n Daiz: would you try to make me happy?
BlckTangldHrt35x: tahst all ive tried to do
Haiz n Daiz: would you comfort me no matter what actions i make?
BlckTangldHrt35x: within reason
Haiz n Daiz: thats commetment
Haiz n Daiz is away at 12:11:08 AM.
BlckTangldHrt35x: the difference between me and you

Auto response from Haiz n Daiz: whats the difference between you and me?

BlckTangldHrt35x: is that you know what you want right now..
BlckTangldHrt35x: and how to deal with them
BlckTangldHrt35x: i dream these things
BlckTangldHrt35x: and talk to much about what i want
BlckTangldHrt35x: but when the chance comes i never grab them
BlckTangldHrt35x: about fame and fotune and happiness
BlckTangldHrt35x: yet.. when i get the chance to record with jonjon.. but i never do
BlckTangldHrt35x: and that doesnt get me anywhere

--

The storm is bad tonight,
so how could I awake without you here?
Your picture's on the wall.
You haven't called.
But I'll wait for you.

To her own reflection,
she says, "I will hold on"
To her own reflection,
she says, "I will be strong"

The storm is letting up,
but it won't die.
If you weren't wrong, was I?
Your picture still remains,
but I wonder are you still the same?

To her own reflection,
she says, "I will hold on"
To her own reflection,
she says, "I will be strong"

Am I losing you?
Am I losing you?!
I've waited, I've waited til it's over
It's over now...

To her own reflection,
she says, "I will hold on"
To her own reflection,
she says, "I will be strong"

:: 2004 9 August :: 11.48pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Young Buck-Let me in

8.9.03

Happy 1 year < /3

:: 2004 9 August :: 6.03pm
:: Music: im not okay x my chemichal romance

new layout again

who is the person that keeps leaving me comments.. as if you like me and im just ignoring you.. why wont you leave your name? it would really be helpful...

bah

- manda

:: 2004 9 August :: 4.39pm

here are some of the backgrounds that i made.. hope you all like them

:: 2004 9 August :: 1.34pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Jimmy Eat World-"Sweetness"

What you wish for won't come true.
Live with that.

yea well im still trying to change this thing...but the pic i want as a bg will never fit and its drivine me incasne.. i leik this bg tho... soo tis not the big of a deal...

yea soo im a boring person who has nothin write in ther journal... atlest nothign ppl really want to read lol... but yea....

as the summer coems to an end its startin to suck ass... Katie is in nh for a long ass time... Jess is grounded.. this wed i have to go to nh for 3 days... and theres liek absoultly nothin to do in thid gay town.. it sux.. but yea.... w/e

I usually want school to come back... btu this year im nto ready for it yet... i realy dotn want to go back to school im still sick of school and havein no life or time to do nethin durng the school year...bah but w/e to that to lol... im gonna go shower... cuz i have no idea what im doin today

<3Lizzy

:: 2004 8 August :: 10.50pm

haha background made by Manda =)

:: 2004 8 August :: 12.08pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: Staind-Warm safe place

la la la

yeah well I don't think anyone bothers to read this lol cause its just a bunch of boring crap and no one really cares so I don't know what to write anymore..........yeah.......

3 commentz | you better fucking comment!!

:: 2004 8 August :: 1.52am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Your Star x All American Rejects

Turning to you is like falling in love when your ten...

yay new brushes.. yay new background :-)

Image Hosted by ImageWaiter.com

The six basic sleeping positions and the personality traits:

Sleep Position No. 1: Crouched in the fetal position: Shy and sensitive

Sleep Position No. 2: Soldier position flat on the back with arms at the sides: Quiet and reserved

Sleep Position No. 3: On the side with legs outstretched and arms down: Social and easy-going

Sleep Position No. 4: On the side with legs outstretched and arms outstretched: Suspicious

Sleep Position No. 5: Flat on the tummy with hands at the sides of the head: Brash and gregarious

Sleep Position No. 6: On the back with outstretched arms and legs: Unassuming and a good listener

Crouched in the fetal position is most common way to sleep, assumed by fully 51 percent of women. The most unusual is on the stomach with only 6.5 percent of respondents saying they sleep this way. Once we adopt a preferred sleeping position, we rarely change it.

3 commentz | you better fucking comment!!

:: 2004 7 August :: 11.17pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: heaven is a place on earth - the bangles

sometimes i dont understand me..
well.. ive been thinking alot about me.. about my friends.. about my life.. and about this life that everybody is living.. i dont know what to do.. i mean im not gonna lie in here and say everythings fine i mean this is where i spill my emotions where i tell it like it is.. ok so heres the deal.. meg and dave like eachother and its like dude.. why does everyone get what i want.. do i not deserve it? like am i not good enough? it kills me.. i wanna like scream out how i really feel but it wouldnt get me anywhere.. and trying to stop it is even more pointless.. because i am the one preaching about ppl not wanting me to be happy id be the hipocrite.. but im not one so im trying to be more mature.. meg tried talking to me tonight.. but i know whats best for me and what i need.. and thats space.. i need time away from her to think things over... to realize what im missing by being so stubborn.. they say you never truly understand a persons worth until youve lost them..

well on a happier note.. i got to see andre and kevin today for the first time in only god knows how long.. it was fun.. we went home like 6 times lol and baked a huggeeeeeee cake ;-) lol i love you kelsey and lizzy you girlies are the best

welllll im gonna write a poem because i have alot inside me i need to get out..

---

every night i wish on
the first star i see that night
a burning ball of mystery
shining big and bright
my hopes and dreams
flow into the sky
wishing for things
and reasons why
but life doesnt always
give me what i want
it plays with me
and likes to taunt
i get a taste of happiness
and its ripped away
just wish i could get over this
and be happy for a day
but as far as my stupid hearts concerned
ill never have a chance
ill never have a chance to be
in a true romance..
ill have to sit and watch them all
be happy with themselves
holding hands in tranquility
wish theyd go to hell
i cant sit back and wish them teh best
i hope im not out of line
but when i say im through with this
all i need is time
time to think
and time to heal
time to see whats fake
whats real..
a chance to understand my head
make sure that my heart
is not mislead
let me prove to myself
that this is what is best
to leave her now
in this time of great distress
walk away
and think things through
when time has passed
see if its true
ill look around
and see whats real
see whats needed
to be revealed
understand why things
had to be this hard today
and when this life
will finally go my way...

-----------

my new favorite song

This may be the last thing that i write for long
Can you hear me smiling when i sing this song, for you and only you

As I leave will you be someone to say good-bye
As I leave will you be someone to wipe your eye
My foot is out the door, and you can't stop me now

You wanted the best, it wasn't me, will you give it back
Now i'll take the lead, when there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again, you'll pretend you're naive, is this what you want
Is this what you need, how you end up let me know.

As I go, remember all the simple things you know,
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope, that you will miss me when
I'm gone
This is the last song

The hearts start breaking as the year is gone
The dream's beginning and the time rolls on
It seems so surreal, now I sing it.
Somehow I knew that it would be this way,
Somehow I knew that it would slowly fade.
Now i'm gone, just try and stop me now.

You wanted the best, it wasn't me, will you give it back
Now i'll take the lead, when there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again, you'll pretend you're naive, is this what you want
Is this what you need, how you end up let me know.

As I go, remember all the simple things you know,
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope, that you will miss me when
I'm gone
This is the last song

And will you need me now, you'll find a way somehow
You want it too, I want it too.

As I go, remember all the simple things you know,
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope, that you will miss me when
I'm gone
This is the last song

4 commentz | you better fucking comment!!

:: 2004 6 August :: 11.47pm

New sn...
kels7216 --add it

So lay down...
the threat is real

seeing red again..
seeing red again..

chevelle

:: 2004 6 August :: 11.19am

http://midge.bloggage.com/readme/

6 commentz | you better fucking comment!!

SILENTCRIEZ

:: 2004 5 August :: 10.41pm
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: a sunday - jimmy eat world

^ download that song now bitches

What would we be doing if we were alone in my room right now?

Post this in your journal to see what people want to do with you

:: 2004 5 August :: 4.16pm
:: Mood: artistic
:: Music: my friends over you - new found glory

The course is set
im out of here
youve made me leave
made me see clear

my heart lay bound
in this heart shaped box
i wont forget
what i've been taught

chorus:
Dangers lie ahead for me
blinded by the light i see
no longer controlled betrayed and hurt by you
as this hazy rain flows into blues

The door's still open
the cigarette smoke cascades into the air
burning on with thoughts of you
still lingering there

the smell is sweet and powerful
intoxicating all of me
room is full of smoke now
i can bearly see

chorus:

I reached for you
but you werent there
i grabbed onto only air
no one to see the dress i wear
to smell the flowers in my hair
no longer will i be afraid
im not alone anymore

chorus

-----

I'm drunk off your kiss
For another night in a row
This is becoming too routine for me
But I didn't mean to lead you on
And it's alright to pretend that we still talk
It's just for show isn't it
It's my fault that it fell apart

Just maybe you need this
And I didn't mean to lead you on

You were everything I wanted
But I just can't finish what I started
There's no room left here on my back
It was damaged long ago
Though you swear that you are true
I'd still pick my friends over you

Please tell me everything
That you think that I should know
About all the plans you made
When I was no where to be found
And it's all right to forget that we still talk
It's just for fun isn't it
It's my fault that it fell apart

yay canobie lake park tomorrow :-)

:: 2004 4 August :: 4.34pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Yellowcard-Only One

I've made up my mind...
Now I just need to talk to him..
and I don't know what I'm going to say..

but that's good cuz I'm just gonna speak on impulse.. no planning ahead no thinknign no nothing.. from now on I need to deal with things as they come.. and no making assumptions or anything anymore.. NO ANALYZING no nothing.. I really need to stop.
and thank you to those of you who noticed before I did

krazykelc 1: you kno what i noticed
krazykelc 1: people dont hurt other people
krazykelc 1: people hurt themselves
krazykelc 1: if u dont expect too much from someone you cant get hurt.. its people who expect too much who get let down n thats how they get hurt
krazykelc 1: and u really cant be hurt emotionally unless u let urself.. cuz its not psychical pain its mental and u control your own mind..

its true, people only hurt themselves by expecting too much from others... if only people thought that way... then they would never get hurt

:: 2004 4 August :: 12.54am
:: Mood: upset
:: Music: Taking Back Sunday-New American Classic

you'll never be what I need
:-[ I dont know

I love him but I'm scared to give in to something thats just gonna crash down in weeks and leave me alone & hurt..

some say it's easy to believe someone when they are telling you exactly what you wanna hear.. well that only works the first time around. when you hear the same thing everytime.. it gets hard to believe its true.. and in 5 days it will be one year....

one year of trying too hard and holding onto something that was never there...
he was never there when I needed him... he only came when he wanted and left when things got bad

but he always came back to me.. and that's what made me hold on for so long. and everytime he returned it seemed he was more and more convinced he loved me.. now its been a year and I don't know what to do.. some say if you love with him then its worth any time you are able to be with him even if it does hurt.. and some say dont bother even for that short period of happyness..

I'm one of the people who believes you should take every chance at happyness you get.. because you only live ones and it's the times you were happy that you will always remember...

..and whether I go with him or not I'm gonna be hurting either way.. but for some reason I still can't do it. I told myself I would wait this time until I actually believed him.. but I don't know what to believe anymore because words just don't get through to me.. and I dunno what will.

4 commentz | you better fucking comment!!

:: 2004 4 August :: 12.38am

RIP Gene White

Even though i didnt know you all too well, all of the times you drove us around and let us stay at your house and play video games and just hang out you were nothing but nice to me.. you were nothing but nice to everyone.. and nobody deserves to pass away at the age of 17... nobody deserves to miss out on the years you will never get a chance to live.. and the experiences of life and things that you will never get a chance to see.. i just want you to know that my deepest sympathy is with your family and you.. i love you

Sorry, I never told you, all I wanted to say.
Now it's too late to hold you. '
Cause you've flown away, so far away.

Never, Had I imagined, yeah, living without your smile.
Feelin' and knowing you hear me.
It keeps me alive. Alive!

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven,
Like so many friends we've lost along the way,
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.

Picture a little scene from Heaven.

Darling, I never showed you.
Assumed you'd always be there.
I took your presence for granted.
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared.

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven.
Like so many friends we've lost along the way.
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.

Picture a little scene from Heaven.

Although, the sun will never shine the same, I'll
always look to a brighter day.

Yeah, Lord, I know, when I lay me down to sleep,
You'll always listen, as I pray!

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven,
Like so many friends we've lost along the way,
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven,
Like so many friends we've lost along the way,
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.

Sorry, I Never told you, all I wanted to say

i was so proud of amanda today.. for being able to stay there.. for being so strong.. reading genes letter from freshman year made me think about all of things that he will never get to do with his life... and all of the plans he had for himself that he will never be able to fulfill.. and it just kills me.. my heart aches for you...

- manda

:: 2004 3 August :: 10.03pm
:: Mood: contemplating..
:: Music: Yellowcard-Only One

I Love You <3

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

:: 2004 3 August :: 12.20am
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: Jewel-"Foolish Games"

hmm

Here i go wiht another on of my random thoughts....

i was jsut thinkin.. sitting in my room bored outta my mined... that u cant base life on guessing games.. or wishis,... u cant life life thinking that what u wish on a star someday will come true... i can admit that sice i knew how till this day i wish on the first star i see in the sky and i make a wish.. and i wish soo hard it hurts.. i wish on everythign possable to wish on.. but i think i quit... im teired of not haveing my wishes come true... i wish soo badly that they would and if they did my life would b everyhtign i want it to b... but its not thats easy.. noting is ever easy.. and it sux... but if u think abotu it... just becasu u liek wish forsome to love u on a star or somehtin ther gloing to... what kind of love is that neway... lvoe u have to wish for... thats not right... love is somehting u both have to fell and u both have to wish for for ti to work... if only one of u is wishing on that star ur only half way there.. and thats y it never comes true... wishign on stars has been the basis of my life since i can remebr.. but since i can remember none of my wishes have come true... but idk y... i know its stupid to wish on a star if u think abotu it... but idk the little bit of hope left in me tells me maby that other person is wishing for u 2... and thats what keeps me going... my stars...

:: 2004 2 August :: 12.14am

ok call me a geek.. but like...do you ever watch buffy the vampire slayer??

well.. i dont ususally but like everytime i randomly do it just always happens to hbe the same exact episode...and the episode just happens to be the one that made me so scared when i was younger...

its like about these fairy tale monsters.. and they like come to the town and steal their voices.. so that they cant scream and these creepy guys like float they dont walk and they have these liek mental patients who kill ppl and like they have to get 7 hearts or something.. and no1 can talk or scream or anything

lol am i the only geek who sees this episode all teh time??

------------------

I wander your halls
question where youve been?
you been hanging your head
trying to hide..

but you cant run away from,
all this pain in your life
fairy tales
only go so far..
its you whose gotta get up tomorrow...

its you who has to make your choices
dont go trying
to blame anyone else
dont question what life has to offer
of the qualities of which youve been dealt

emptiness grows liek moss
much quicker now
enveloping a dark empty past
a new day will open
a new way of life
and a chance for me to walk away..

-------

In this room I hear the echoes of a recent battle. Lost and wounded as the faded cries begin to settle for the night. The echoless room begins to fill with feared emotions, petrified sensations, they envelope me. Although I am alone in here, I am not deserted. I can feel eyes, piercing my skin. This deafening silence forces me to my knees. As my delicate toes diligently creek the floorboards, thoughts swirl through this brain of mine. No rhythm to the twirling thoughts just meaningless expression of how I feel. These walls seem to be closing in on me. Alone physically and mentally. My mind becomes more paranoid by the minute. Pacing faster now, around this desolate house. Blank, vacant, and lonely, each piece of furniture sits waiting to be used. Abandoned, this house waits, engulfed with beauty hidden beneath sheets of dust. Coughing lightly to dispel the years of loneliness from my lungs. I breath, taking in every emotion felt, every smile shown, each tear drop fallen to the ground, without a soul to catch it. I am swamped by emotions, this whirlpool of fear drains away. Leaving me once again alone, in this exiled home. Everything that might have been, could have been, and should have been, wallows deep within the belly of this house. And I am struck with a blow from the back of a fist, I am completely and utterly alone.

-me

cruel intentions
sealed with a kiss
untold stories
of a love just liek this
one lover bleeds
and another lies dead
the sweat is till salty
in the sheets of his bed
memories of you and i
flashing quickly by
the feeling of you
when you were inside
connected
this love once so sweet
now so bitter
and full of deciet
liek the petals of a rose
this bud has wilted and begun to die
burning this image
in my brain of you and i
your flawfully perfect
upon my knee
kiss my lips
and tell me you need me
disaster
striking with the back of its fist
cremating the image
of our first kiss
like the lick of the flame
this heart is put out
smother me
i wont dare shout
take this ecstacy
i tell you im feeling
and strip it dry
angony beyond healing
project this faux happiness
i pretend is bliss
examine this vision
of our final kiss
drive your car
down to the end of the road
what unfathomable secrets
these somber waters hold
cruel intentions
sealed with a kiss
untold stories
of a love just liek this
one lover bleeds
and another lies dead
the sweat is till salty
in the sheets of his bed

:: 2004 1 August :: 3.36pm

i believe i am getting sick to my stomach with this life im living right now. this routine life that never changes. and when it does it is always for the worse. im trying to think of something good thats happened lately. trying to convince myself that others do have it worse. but i just can't. not with things the way they are right now. i think im ultimately upset with just the fact that life has thrown me a major curve and i DONT know how to handle it. and i just want to be deeply and truly loved by someone. i want that someone to love every ounce of me and not care what i dress like or if i wear my hair weird one day. i want them to not care at all what im wearing or how i wear it- becasue they would love me, and that would mean they would love my style and how i talk, how i move, how i smile, my presence, the way i smell- nothing about me would ever get old to them. and i want the same for me. i want to love someone with that much passion. that nothing ever grows old. even though time passes so quickly and i grow old msyelf. i want change. i need change. but the changes that have been occuring lately are not very good. i dont know if i can handle it any longer...i cried so hard last night. i stopped. but it wasnt becasue i was done crying- it's because i made myself stop crying. i had a breakdown. probably the worst breakdown i've ever had. and i can gradually feel myself breaking. is that possible? can a heart really ache? is it true that when you figure out every thing there is to know about life you die? i guess sometimes i've felt invisible. and then at other times i feel im in the spotlight...and dont know what to do about either one. so either way- it's uncomfortable. im not a miserable person. im usually happy. i dont want others to be sympathetic for me. i just want to know they care. and i believe there are people who care for me. im not some hopeless depressed person. but sometimes- you forget. you forget how much you're loved and how many friends you really have and you convince yourself somehow that you've just become invisible. and sometimes you just need a reminder to come along, tap you on your shoulder, and bring you back to life again. that is what i need. that is what a lot of people need.

- lindseyethatsme-

:: 2004 1 August :: 3.11pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: All American Rejects-"One More Sad Song"

hola

Purple Rain

I never meant 2 cause U any sorrow
I never meant 2 cause U any pain
I only wanted one time 2 see U laughing
I only wanted 2 see U laughing in the purple rain

Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain
I only wanted 2 see U bathing in the purple rain

I never wanted 2 be your weekend lover
I only wanted 2 be some kind of friend, hey
Baby, I could never steal U from another
It's such a shame our friendship had 2 end

Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain
I only wanted 2 see U underneath the purple rain

Honey, I know, I know, I know times are changin'
It's time we all reach out 4 something new, that means U 2
U say U want a leader, but U can't seem 2 make up your mind
I think U better close it and let me guide U 2 the purple rain

Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain
If U know what I'm singin' about up here, come on raise your hand
Purple rain, purple rain
I only want 2 see U, only want 2 see U in the purple rain

la la la!! u know i was just thinking... u know i dont regret nehting iv evendone cuz when i did it i wanted to and y would i regret somehting i wanted to do?? but if the world was commign to an end i would regret somehting... i would regret doing all the things that i passed up... not nehtign i had done.. what i didnt do but could have... lol idk i guess it kinda goes wiht the point that life is to shoert soo u gotta do what u can when u have the chance... u never know what ur really missing.. yea thats my random thougth of the day....

im excited it looks like its gonna rain today!! i love rain sooo much!! idk what it is but i love each and every drop of the rain... lol so im excited....

its 3 oclock and i got up liek an housr ago
lol its great to sleep all day.. excpt fior the fact that i get home from going otu at 10 and thne i stay up till liek 3 am and im bored outta my minde sitting online talkgint o ppl abotu basicly nothign lol....but hey im goann keep up the tridtion and go get ready to go out...

im off to see the wizard....
the wonderful wizard of Oz....

<3Lizzy

:: 2004 1 August :: 1.20am

Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
Category Your Score Average
Self-Lovin' 65%
Explored the pleasures of the flesh 65.1%
Shamelessness 64.3%
It takes a couple of drinks 79.4%
Sex Drive 78.9%
The Pope is envious 77.7%
Straightness 35.7%
Done the nasty, but not creatively 44.9%

Gayness 92.9%
Repressed, are we? 83.7%

Fucking Sick 87.6%
Refreshingly normal 90%

You are 71.36% pure
Average Score: 72.7%

Take The Ultimate Purity Test
and see how you match up!

Excuse me but can I be you for a while
My dog won't bite if you sit real still
I got the anti-Christ in the kitchen yellin' at me again
Yeah I can hear that
Been saved again by the garbage truck
I got something to say you know
But nothing comes
Yes I know what you think of me
You never shut-up
Yeah I can hear that

But what if I'm a mermaid
in these jeans of his
with her name still on it
Hey but I don't care
cause sometimes
I said sometimes
I hear my voice
And it's been here
Silent All These Years

So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thougts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts
Boy you best praya that I bleed real soon
How's that thought for you
My scream got lost in a paper cup
You think there's a heaven
Where some screams have gone
I got 25 bucks and a cracker
Do you think it's enough
To get us there

Cause what if I'm a mermaid
In these jeans of his
With our name still on it
Hey but I don't care
Cause sometimes
I said sometimes
I hear my voice
And it's been here
Silent All These...

Years go by
Will I still be waiting
For somebody else to understand
Years go by
If I'm stripped of my beauty
And the orange clouds
Raining in head
Years go by
Will I choke on my tears
Till finally there is nothing left
One more casualty
You know we're too easy Easy Easy

Well I love the way we communicate
Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape
Let's hear what you think of me now
But baby don't look up
The sky is falling
Your mother shows up in a nasty dress
It's your turn now to stand where I stand
Everybody lookin' at you here
Take hold of my hand
Yeah I can hear them

But what if I'm a mermaid
in these jeans of his
with her name still on it
Hey but I don't care
cause sometimes
I said sometimes
I hear my voice [x3]

And it's been here
Silent All These Years
I've been here
Silent All These Years

and again...
fucking im all alone
all alone..
again im all alone
broken bleeding
hiding at home
but still im all alone
bleed this blood
crimson and clover
break my heart over and over
smash my mirror
break my face
but still im all alone
cold and lonely
break my bones
still you leave me all alone
wanting out
of this pointless life
writing lyrics
to a song ill never sing
and still im all alone
i can hear you
hear them
they never shut up
tlaking about me
and still im all alone
cracked
and bruised
swollen cuts
rivers of tears overflow
and still im all alone
i think some thoughts
which sink me below
this deep dark lake
and still im all alone
and again...
fucking im all alone
all alone..
again im all alone
do you hear me
angels have given me a voice
wings
to show you who i am
and still im all alone
years go by
and i choke myself again
theres nothing left
because im all alone
and again...
fucking im all alone
all alone..
again im all alone

--

revised

(chorus)
again im all alone
sitting by the fone
again im all alone
waiting for your call

again im all alone
just wished youd come back home
again im alone
waiting for you here

you break my heart
into a million peices
tore me up
and appart
left me defeated

i cared just for you
you told me youd be true
i fell for you too
but now im just...

(chorus)

you ripped out my heart
and put it the blender
you gave it all away
after i surrendered

waited for me to
give it all to you
i gave you everything
and now im just..

(chorus)

im crying here
dying here with open arms
gave up everything
ive seen all you are
waited for the time
when what was yours was mine
just when i felt safe
you threw it away...

(chorus)

im bleeding here for you
wont you kiss me sweetly
is it just a game
you just wanted to beat me?

waited for me to
give it all to you
i gave you everything
and now im just..

(chorus)

4 commentz | you better fucking comment!!

:: 2004 31 July :: 1.21pm

get out a sheet of paper and write down..

Hello my name is (blank) and i am a really cool kid. Whats your name? Would you like to go get some icecream on the beach?

and sign your name in cursive
then write your name in cursive

1. Are your Us and Ws rounded on their bottoms? You're sensitive and maybe poetic.
2. Do you cross your Ts in the middle or at the top? The lower you cross your T, the less ambition you have.
3. Do you loop your Cs at the top? Then, to quote Carly Simon, you're so vain.
4. Are your As and Os tightly closed? Perhaps you're hiding something.
5. Do your letters slant every which way? If so, then yikes. Only 10 percent of the general population has a wobbly slant--compared with 70 to 80 percent of convicted felons.
6. Do you have the "felon's claw"? It's another hallmark of the criminal, and it occurs when you bring a letter straight down, then attach a claw-shaped curve to its end--say when you're writing the lowercase y.
7. Is your signature different from your regular handwriting? Then perhaps you're putting on an act.
8. Do the connecting swoops between your letters droop? Maybe you have a martyr complex, and are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.
9. Is your handwriting spiky and angular? Relax. There's no need to be so tense.
10. Are your letters a bit squatty? If they're biggest in the middle zone, and don't extend much up or below the baseline, then you're perhaps a bit childish. The Disney logo, based on Walt Disney's

:: 2004 30 July :: 11.38pm

so..

gay gay gay gay gay

\no offense to homosexuals...

s'just shits been gay lately.. my heads fucked up and i feel like eveyrhting is just crashing down on me..and everythings fucked up...

idk i went to robbies tonight and watched training day.. it was weird.. i was with katie lizzy robbie and cozzy KELSEYS BACK yay :-)

well.. my tummy hurts i must go..

bye

:: 2004 30 July :: 8.57pm
:: Mood: bummed
:: Music: Led Zeppelin-Black Dog

Home from Maine...
it was fun. I hate vacation but I love Wells and I've been there almost every year I've been alive.. and it was good to get away from here for a few days and spend time with my family..

:: 2004 28 July :: 10.44pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: Jewel-"Foolish Games"

Your tearing me apart

LOl today was an intresting day...... it started off wiht a gay ass doctors oppointment... but when i got back i went to megs house wiht jess katie & manda... then we met up wiht robbie and jimmy lol and ate some cupcakes (while i waited to get a call form fill.. but my fone didint rigth soo i missed his calls... im sry) lol then jessica and i switched pant in one of the little booths at the highschool lol wiht help from katie who help up stuff so noone saw us ahahaha... lol yea jess we diked it out in the little booth!! LOL... then we procited dt to go get food.. lol wehre jess and i had to change pants out in the fuckin open ahahaha... just a little weird....then aftetr meg manda kaite and jess left i walked home wiht james and reberto who i love deeply.... not very exciting lol but its better then sitting on my ass all day....

How I wish, how I wish you were here

5 commentz | you better fucking comment!!

:: 2004 28 July :: 4.00pm

Image Hosted by ImageWaiter.com
hahaha yes that is me petting a racoon..
and yes it is tame lol its sarahs

hollz726 is away at 3:24:52 PM.
BlckTangldHrt35x: undisclosed: she was like "o r u friends with lizzy and manda and them??" and i wa slike yeah i friends with lizzy but not like really good friends with manda but shes nice to me lol" and she was like " o she despises me"
undisclosed: and she goes "o well idk, we just stopped being friends"

BlckTangldHrt35x: pshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
BlckTangldHrt35x: your kidding yourslef if thats what you think happened
BlckTangldHrt35x: its more like...
BlckTangldHrt35x: you turned into everything you said you hated
BlckTangldHrt35x: fuckl your ugly boyfriend all the time
BlckTangldHrt35x: and left ppl who actually cared about you
BlckTangldHrt35x: but hum... maybe for a onesided bitch you were close
hollz726 returned at 3:29:23 PM.
BlckTangldHrt35x: who the fuck visited you in the hospital and called you like eveyr night just so youw erent lonley.. its just so funny what ppl give up for all sorts of fake aquaintences
BlckTangldHrt35x: and ppl who couldnt give a shit less about them
BlckTangldHrt35x: but if thats what makes you happy GREAT have a fucking party.. but dont you dare act like any of it was my fault
BlckTangldHrt35x: when you damn well know it wasnt
BlckTangldHrt35x: ARE U GONNA FUCKIN SAY SOMETHING
hollz726: i never said any of it was your fault
hollz726: i just said you didnt like me anymore
BlckTangldHrt35x: "o well idk, we just stopped being friends"
hollz726: we did
BlckTangldHrt35x: YOU stopped being my friend holly
BlckTangldHrt35x: YOU
hollz726: alright then i stopped being your friends
hollz726: *friend
BlckTangldHrt35x: it was you..it was you who changed.. im still the same old me
BlckTangldHrt35x: but i guess that wasnt good enough for you
BlckTangldHrt35x: its all good tho
hollz726: ok people change
hollz726: im ahppy with myself so everything is all godd
hollz726: *good
BlckTangldHrt35x: cuz now i know who really cares about me.. and i would rather surround myself with ppl who actually give a shit then ppl who care more about how theur hair llooks
hollz726: me 2
BlckTangldHrt35x: heh its funny tho..
BlckTangldHrt35x: your doing the exact opposite
BlckTangldHrt35x: through your eyes you think were all the same.. through your eyes where all the same...
hollz726: back then i judged the people that i hated to quickly
hollz726: i didnt know anyone that i hated back then, and now i do know them and there not bad ppl
BlckTangldHrt35x: i never said they were bad..
BlckTangldHrt35x: they never left their friends
hollz726: i never said you said they were bad
BlckTangldHrt35x: im through talking to you
BlckTangldHrt35x: you can shut up now
hollz726: i said they were bad awhile back
hollz726: and you say im a bitch
BlckTangldHrt35x: MUTE
hollz726: right manda
BlckTangldHrt35x: :-D
BlckTangldHrt35x: yepppp tahts how it is
hollz726: :-)
BlckTangldHrt35x: i dont listen to hipocrites
BlckTangldHrt35x: so bye bye
hollz726: everyones a hipocrite about something
BlckTangldHrt35x: and you are the biggest one of all
hollz726: if thats what you think fine
hollz726: i dont really care
BlckTangldHrt35x: how could u leave.. your BEST friend lizzy like that do you have any idea how bad that hurt her
BlckTangldHrt35x: opr do you not care
BlckTangldHrt35x: cuz your happy now
BlckTangldHrt35x: and tahst all that matters
hollz726: sorry im happy, and why are you still bring this up...move on
hollz726: im sorry i hurt her
BlckTangldHrt35x: i highly doubt that
hollz726: but you know i moved on it happens
BlckTangldHrt35x: your so sad..
BlckTangldHrt35x: good luck in life
hollz726: thanks you too
BlckTangldHrt35x: you dont realize a good thing when you see it
BlckTangldHrt35x: u know.. i used to stick up for you when jimmy and robbie made fun of you
BlckTangldHrt35x: but im glad i dont anymore
hollz726: ok\
BlckTangldHrt35x: becuz to me..your lower than scum

:: 2004 28 July :: 12.49am

i cry
and the sting of my tears
hits my swelling wrist
i cringe and run the blade
over my already mutilated arm
i cry out in pain
but nobody can hear me
they dont wanna listen..
dont wanna hear what i have to say
these crazy thoughts im thinking in my head
Are just pounding now
and my head its about to explode
im dizzy sitting here
holding the deadend phone
i look into the mirror
touch my hair
touch my face
pick something to smash it
just wanna start over
wish that i could erase..
my eyes they peirce my skin
they reflect right back at me
looking straight through me
i am hollow
and useless
wishing to be lifeless
i hate beauty
and i hate you
my mind its working over time
projecting images of your face
shooting thoughts into my mouth
i too quickly speak them
without thinking..
and i hurt myself again
i thrust this cold blade
into my lifeless pale arm
and sudenly my anger drifts away
soon to return...

---

i cant help but feel like
something is wrong here
is it me?
is it you?
do you look right through my deep brown eyes?
do you see nothing?
so many questions unanswered
i walk down this empty road
rain pouring on my head
thinking to myself every word that you said
every tear that ive cried over you
washed away now
i want them to be gone
but they pour down this face
like the rain beating heavier
and i feel your kisses on me
and i see your eyes in my mind
and all i can think of is me liking you..
what can i do to make this change
how can i change?
can i make me better?
can i get over you?
so this is it..
its over before it began?
you never gave me a chance to show you who i am..

---

Won't make the bed up straight
I always stay out late
I never take you out
Ask what you're all about
I always smell like smoke
Everythings just a joke
I never look at you
When you come hear me sing
These are not all of the
Many simple things
You can find wrong with me
Once would you tell me please

What do I do, What do I do
What do I do, What do I do...Right
What do I do, What do I do
What do I do, What do I do...Right

I never talk to you
be who you want me to
My music's way to loud
My friends are all so proud
Say I'm just wasted hope
I could not thread the rope
More than my pocket's broke
And you don't see a ring
These are not all of the
Infinitesimal things
You can find wrong with me
Once would you tell me please

What do I do, What do I do
What do I do, What do I do...Right
What do I do, What do I do
What do I do, What do I do...Right

Never wanted to play in this game
Yes, You're right
but losing the game doesn't mean
that we're losing the fight