:: 2004 25 February :: 7.28 pm

Ok, well it seems like some people have decided to grow some balls. First of all....Venita.... In all honesty.....you need to shut the hell up. you dont even know what your talking about. YOU werent around when my mom left. and dont you dare make it sound like my mom abandoned me....because SHE was always there. I was with JUST my dad for 3 years of my life... my mom AND dad watched me till i was five ( which according to my mom, my dad was gone most the time anyways ) and then i moved out when i was 7.... hmm.... 5, 6, 7....OMG thats 3 NUMBERS!! and then i was with my mom.....for....7 years... then i came back and ive been with my dad for 3 more year... MOM- 7 Dad_6...looks like my moms been there longer...... doesnt take anything more than a little bit of math sweetie. I know my dad loves me, but it doesnt mean he didnt have a past of doing bad things that he didnt wanna tell me about.....just like his other daughter.... he never told me about her either.....so how do i know he didnt keep everything else away from me! And another thing dear STEP mother... YOU DONT KNOW ME!! you think you know exactly what your talking about and you think you always know what im thinking. but you dont. the only people who know anything about me are my mom, andrea, and tony. Youve changed ya know.... you used to be cool. you used to hang out with me and chel and you went out and bought us mikes hard lemonade and when my dad said we couldnt have one you still snuck a drink down to me.... and i know chelsea wont back me up cause shes a frikin pansey...but ahh well what can ya do. but i guess you can shut the phone off now, cuz you guys dont use it...thank god for the aye? all you people are crazy....and hey....for once your right about something dealing with me, i dont like having people telling me what to do....woohu go you, do ya wanna cookie? and FYI... i have rules where i am now and i follow them. ive been doing my homework everyday.... and all that "good perfect kid" stuff that you always wanted from me. and you wanna know why.....CUZ THEY PAY ATTENTION TO ME AND TAKE CARE OF ME!!!! wow, thats a difficult concept for you to grasp huh? and one last thing..... you really suck at trying to make yourself feel better by calling me fat... and dont say you dont cuz i can back that up. speaking of "backing things up" MY MOM said those things...and dont go getting a big head and ranting about how your a ghetto street fighter who can kick anybodys ass.....cuz my mom would lay you out. no contest.
And andrea.... THANK YOU SIS!! youve always been there for me and you are SO right about what you said..... they are the adults, but they dont act like it. venitas the one who "cant do the dishes cuz theres a cut on her finger" and makes fun of teenagers to make her feel better, and always says how she can kick everybodys ass. i love you andrea.. and im glad your hear for me. and mama putt says " its bull for them to think that thier the adulst cuz my dad called her a flake and a freak and a push-over and stuff....and she has done nothing but been nice to them. their acting like the children here. im more adult then them. im living life to the fullest and standing up for what i beleive in...just like my mom and dad always taught me.

22 You're So Vogue | Bishoujo

:: 2004 24 February :: 9.06 pm

Well, i didnt feel like writing this in the comment part, so im writing it here...in response to chelsea's comment....yes i was talking about your mother. My mom told me that A LONG TIME AGO when your mom and my dad hung out in the bar, and my dad made my mom go too, she always heard your mom and my dad talking about going and getting high together, my dad, your mom, and venita, and who ever else. and my dad did do drugs....thats why my mom divorced him, and she wouldnt lie. and she said he is acting the same way now that he was when he was doing drugs before. and my mom thinks that venita is the one who got my dad back into it. So i think my dad IS still doing drugs. cuz im pretty sure my mom knows my dad more than you. i wouldnt assume. there are alot of things my dad has kept from me. i dont even know him anymore.
And in response to andrea.... i love you, and im not planning on going back to lakeview. im so happy here. and yes, senior year is gonna be so freaking awesome!! i cant wait till that day.
Now, i just want to let you all know. i am here, livingat tonys forever, this is my house now. so.....your all gonna have to call me here.

12 You're So Vogue | Bishoujo

:: 2004 23 February :: 10.23 am

Yea, so my dad kicked me out the other night...he came in my room after a couple minutes of yelling and swearing at me and told me "to pack my shit and be gone by tomorrow" so i did...and now im living with tony. my mom came and picked me up last night and drove me there with all my stuff. then around 8:30 or so my dad calls there. he says that he never told me to leave and he never kicked me out and that i needed to come home, so i told him i was home...i was at tonys. that made him so angry. he was like "well you give the phone to this...mama putt person" so i gave her the phone and he said that if i wasnt home by 9:00 that he was gonna call the police and have them come get me and mama putt was totally calm and said " well we will have her mom call you cuz shes the one who dropped her off here and wants her to be here, she signed a paper saying she is to live here with us and go to school." so i called my mom, told her waht just happened, she called my dad and now my dad is super pissed..... but today after school, i have to call my mom and she is gonna pick me up from school and me, her and my dad are going to dinner to get this all worked out. and i am NOT going back to that man's house. not after the things my mom told me about him. and not after i have all my stuff unpacked .... im not leaving. im where im supposed to be. they take care of me.
My mom thinks my dad might be using drugs again... AGAIN! i didnt know about the first time!! but i guess..according to my mother who i beleive completly....said that he used to sell..and use...and thats why my mom divorced him.....and the way he is acting now is the way he was acting when he was using. and my mom thinks it was venita who got him back into it. cuz my mom said that she used to hang out with my dad at the bar, and he was friends with venita's sister...and venita and her sister were in the bar and my dad and venita and her sis were talking about getting high. so mmmhmmm....allergies.....riiiight.... ok thats why your dead from the smoke now right?? grrr.....thats another reason i dont wanna be there. i cant stand drugs or people who use them...and i wont be around it. and i cant stand the way im treated, or anything. i know they love me, im their kid.. its manditory....but still.... they dont care, and its obvious! so yea, thats all, i just opened up to the world!

2 You're So Vogue | Bishoujo

:: 2004 18 February :: 9.41 pm

God I want out of here. I PRAY that my mom says yes tomorrow. I cant stand it here anymore. theres just so many things wrong. And i guess i have a bigger heart than i thought...either that or im just stupid, but after the way my dad and venita treat me...im still worried about hurting thier feelings. ( my dads actually ) but that is not gonna stop me from asking my mom about it. i AM moving out of here and im going to be happy. It will be great. I can just see it..... i pack up my stuff....(at least the important things) and im out. gone for good. and my new family is going to be a hell of a lot better. Now, im going to tell you who im moving in with..... but i dont want to hear any crap from anybody. because, just so you know... i am not moving in just because i want to be with this person. it is because his family treats me better than anybody ive ever known. Im talking to my mom tomorrow to see if she will take custidy (sp) over me. then once thats done she lets me move in with the Putt family. I know right about now my friends are prolly in a frenzy...but if you knew what was going on here you would understand why im doing this. Im not taken care of here....

*i dont get any breakfast
* i dont get lunch money and they WILL NOT fill out the form for me to get reduced or even free lunch
* when im sick they tell me to go to bed early...no medicine
*Venita makes fun of me and rubs it in my face that shes thinner than me
*my dad is totally brainwashed by venita now and doesnt even know me anymore
* I get blamed for everything
* no one cares about me when i cry...they just tell me "nothing can be that bad"
* every time i cry its because of them

and the putts are the exact opposite MAMA PUTT is the one who gives me lunch money. MAMA PUTT is the one who goes out of her way to drive me medicine when im sick MAMA PUTT buys my cat her food THE PUTTS would never make fun of me OR make me cry. they are the perfect family and my mom knows it. and trust me there is alot more than what i typed above.... i made a list of i think its 40 reasons (right now) of why i shouldnt be living here and should be with living with people who care about me....the putts. (oh just to add another thing...the putts arent alcoholics like my dad and venita)
yea well thats about all.... oh and dont forget to read the entry after this. i wrote these both today ( i had a rough day )

8 You're So Vogue | Bishoujo

:: 2004 18 February :: 10.28 am

I've come to realize....there are people out there i dont even know...that ive never even seen before.... i dont know what they look like or sound like or act like....and i HATE them. And thats because of people who have mentioned them and all they mentioned was their name. but the way they talked about them...even tho nothing bad was said about them....makes me hate them with everything inside of me. i dont know if i sould feel bad or not.
And there are people who just write things in these journals..... more people i dont even know... and jsut they way they type... the way they seem to sound so....perfect...drives me insane. And lately ive been saying very violent things just randomly. like i see someone i dont like walking up the stairs and im whispering "trip, trip, trip" or i see someone i dont like who has a broken bone now and i laugh. And strangly enough, i dont feel bad. because i dont like them. and the way they do things and the way they treat people makes me think they deserve to trip, or break their finger, or even worse. Specially one person inparticular. One person who... i dont know where she lives, what she looks like, what she acts like, how she treats people...i dont know ANYTHING about her.....and i want her gone. i wish she was never born. Im so angry im drawing pictures of a stick person with a bullet in thier skull and there ligaments cut off bleeding all over the place....pretending its her. and i dont think its enough. who knows..... maybe she doesnt deserve to die. maybe im the one who does. shes obviously a better person than me by the things people say. maybe its her who sould be shooting me and cutting off my arms and legs. Heaven knows i feel like she already did...but like i said... i dont even know her.

1 You're So Vogue | Bishoujo

:: 2004 16 February :: 9.49 pm

*sigh* i honestly have nothing to say...except that...and that.....and..yea... wow im bored. i hate being at home. it sux. as soon as i walk in the door i get random talks about how its not normal for a teenager to be out all the time and hang out with my friends all the time.... hmm.... im 16..of course im gonna go out and hang out with my friends. you can tell who grew up with onyl the ocws to talk to. sheesh! well i guess it turns out i did have something to say. heh.... cool. well..... im going. love you all. bye

4 You're So Vogue | Bishoujo

:: 2004 13 February :: 7.46 am

OMG! Its Friday the 13th!!! No wonder I couldnt make those Freakin CUPCAKES!! I HATE cupcakes!!!

6 You're So Vogue | Bishoujo

:: 2004 11 February :: 10.03 am

Hmm.... i find it amazing.... im sitting here IN SCHOOL....typing in woohu. maybe im just lucky. The assembly i just got out of was boring, but time consuming....which is good. I have no clue how i got in this site during school. maybe they unblocked it. hmm...well i dunno. im nervous.... my moms flight leaves in 2 hours. **scared face** i hope she makes it there and back ok. ok well, away i go.

3 You're So Vogue | Bishoujo

:: 2004 10 February :: 9.50 pm

Hey everybody...whats up? nothing here. im so bored. tomorrow is the last day of school this week. thank god. speaking of which.... andrea....chelsea...tony...and anybody else who doesnt feel uncomfortable praying.... pray for my mom and dan SUPER hard tonight. and again around NOON TOMORROW. they are flying to Texas to get married and my mom is majorly worried. **fear of flying runs in the family im thinking** so just do me a favor guys...even if you think its silly to be worrying about planes crashes.....PLEASE pray for them. i dont know what i would do if i lost my mom. she is what keeps me stable. i prolly wouldnt be able to talk for like....... months...and i would be crying everyday!!!! so please...do this for me guys!! love you all.

3 You're So Vogue | Bishoujo

:: 2004 8 February :: 10.08 pm

Hey all. I had a blast at swirl. words cant even explain how much fun i had. it felt so good to get outta the house. i hope those of you who went had as good of a time as i did. My parents are being dumb again ( by parents i mean the dad and stepmom i live with) they are bitching at me for no reason. And IM the only one who will stand up for myself. no one backs me up. grrr.... well i know if andrea were here she would back me up. *muah*

6 You're So Vogue | Bishoujo

:: 2004 7 February :: 3.51 pm

Hey, me and Chelsea are here at my house! were having so much fun. We are waiting for either venita to get home or 5:00ish to come around so tony can come over and i can do his hair and outfit and make-up and stuff. then me, tony, and chelsea are going to swirl. its gonna be a blast!! yea..... look for me there ppl, my outfit is gonna be freaking awesome! So is tony's

4 You're So Vogue | Bishoujo

:: 2004 4 February :: 7.48 pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: My December: Linkin Park

4 You're So Vogue | Bishoujo

:: 2004 3 February :: 8.30 pm

Oooooh!! I am SO pissed! AHHH!!! my hands are shaking so bad right now so....my appologies if this is difficult to read!
Anyways!! ive reached my breaking point with my precious step-mother. shes pissed me off so bad this time....
so i was talkin on the phone with tony and she was like....
************************************
V- youve been on long enough
M- ive only been on for 20 minutes
V- well im gonna get rid of the phone anyways cuz me and your dad dont use it. we dont need it its a waste of 50$
M- I USE IT!!
V- you abuse it.
************************************

which didnt bother me too much, but it still started to piss me off that what I want in our house obviously doesnt matter! but the thing that really pissed me off.... and i almost wanted to kill her no lie..... i was planning on calling my mom to see what time she was pickin me up tomorrow.....and i started dialing and then.....
************************************
V- are you getting on the phone again?!?
M- yea. im calling my mom!
V- well if your calling your mom then you only get 5 minutes!!
**Thats when i blew**
M- WHAT!?!?! WHY!!! THATS SUCH FRIKIN BULL!!!!!
V- well youve been on the phone all night and all your gonna do is bad talk me to your mom and.....
**thats when my mom picked up**
************************************
CAN YOU BELIEVE HER!! she has NO right to tell me how long i get to talk to my own mother! omg im so pissed! i want out of here so bad! i cant take it. but i tell you what....my mom is PISSED!!
************************************
My Mom- Hey sweetie.
M- Hey mom, i guess im gonna have to cut this short cuz *starts yelling* I ONLY HAVE 5 MINUTES TO TALK TO MY OWN MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mom- and whys that!?! whats going on?
M- * i could barly talk cuz i was shaking so much and crying from being so pissed* cuz VENITA says i can only talk to you for 5 minutes...* explains entire story i just told*
Mom- im your MOTHER! you can talk to me for how ever fucking long you want!! wheres your dad??
M- at practice
Mom- does he have his cell phone?
M- yea
Mom- well im calling him! this is it!
M- what are you gonna say?
Mom- im gonna tell him the same exact thing he told me when you were having problems with Bob ( who is her ex husband).....she isnt your parent! she cant tell you how to live your life and she cant control you!!!
************************************
and so on with my regular conversation to her. and then venita come out here while im typing and i had "Last Resort" by Papa Roach on and.....
V- turn that down!!
M- **sits there and does nothing**
V- erica i said to turn it down!!!!!!!!!!
M- **turns it down to hear what shes screaming**
V- listen you may be mad at me but it doesnt mean you have to crank your radio!! if you can keep it down im getting rid of the phone and the computer!! all well have is the cable!
M- oh goodie! that means you and dad can sit around all day and get drunk and watch football on ESPN!! WOOPIE!!
V- WHAT DID YOU SAY?!!?
M- YOU.,....DAD....DRUNK.....ALL DAY......WATCHING FOOTBALL!!!!
V- I DONT WATCH FOOTBALL!!!
M- well thats nice but still.....
V- i dont need this.... you get mad at me and then you call your mom and talk shit about me!!
M- no i just told her what happened
V- well i wish people could get my side of the story sometimes!!
M- why would yours be any different i didnt lie!
V- well does she even know the good things i do like buy you dresses and stuff?
M- she knows you got me my dress
V- ok well i feel better now
************************************
she says it like everything is a big inconvenience for HER! pssshaa!! what ever! well im done ranting! i jsut wanted you all to know that i hate being where im at and i have no where else to go.........so im stuck!

6 You're So Vogue | Bishoujo

:: 2004 2 February :: 6.49 pm

Well its time i play the role of the "publicity whore" again. Even tho i guess some say that isnt the proper term for it..... oh well, thats what i call it.....getting back to the subject.... me....publicity whore.....here i go...

************************************
clearly blind
LASTTUESDAY
LOOK MA!
forever december
----------------------------
At KENT THEATRE FEBRUARY 26th!!!!
ONLY $5.00!!!
************************************

anyways.....yea you all should go. itll be rockin' Well, foreverdecember will anyways, i havent heard any of the other bands. but i bet they will rock too!!

wanna know what i found out that totally pisses me off. there are people out there who dont like me because they think i changed myself for Dusty! HA! i find that all quite amusing! i dont change myself for ANYBODY!!! not even him! sorry people..... YOUR WRONG!! NAH NAH NAH BOO BOO!!!
ok well, thats all..... **coughcough**gototheconcert**cough**
:) BYE!!

2 You're So Vogue | Bishoujo

:: 2004 1 February :: 9.58 pm

Hey yea, so this is my new journal. I figured it to be a tad innapropriate to have "ditzy_BLONDE_gurl" as my name seeing as how, im not blonde anymore and i dont plan on being blonde again anytime soon.
so yea. enjoy.
Umm.......ive been feeling alot better...so thats good. im jsut happy i have all my friends to pull me thru all my shit. thanks guys i love you.! **MUAH!!**

4 You're So Vogue | Bishoujo