Anytngbtordinary
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2004 21 October :: 5.40pm
I hate you.
Yeah thats right.
You...and you...with the funny face.
But esspecially you.
~*~
And we always say,
It would be good to go away, someday
But if there’s nothing there to make things change
If it’s the same for you
I’ll just hang
The same for you
I’ll always hang
Well I always say,
It would be good to go away
But if things don’t work out like we think
And there’s nothing there to ease this ache
But if there’s nothing there to make things change
If it’s the same for you, I’ll just hang
Hang- Matchbox20
~*~
Tuesday's horoscope
Jackie,
You may be feeling a bit too dry as you long for a deep emotional connection. The problem is that your nervous system has been on high frequency alert. It's like you've been taking an exam with only one question on it -- an unsolvable mathematical equation. Take the pressure off yourself and take an incomplete on the test. This is not a failure; you can come back to it later when you feel refreshed. This frees you up to attend to more important issues.
~*~
Yesterday
Jackie,
You have tools that allow you to go into deeper emotional realms than many of your friends. Now it is time to use whatever tricks you have in your bag as you dig further into the roots of your own needs to control emotions. As you discover the sources of your fears, you'll be able to better loosen up the blockages in your life.
~*~
Today
Jackie,
Tension arises from your own lack of clarity about your feelings. You are still feeling the intensity from yesterday's Venus-Pluto square, but now it's time to find your way back up to the surface. Even if your perspective is a bit clouded by your own fears, move past your uncertainty. Head directly into the mists of your own illusions, for it is there that you will find the blessing of self-forgiveness.
1 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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Toki
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2004 20 October :: 12.50am
Soooooooo I don't like this week. It started with tears and will most definitly end the same way, just for different reasons.
Tomorrow's going to be interesting.
I'm feeling a little more confident about the play now. It's a good thing. I hope.
I don't know what else.
Good night.
-Patrice
1 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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Anytngbtordinary
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2004 20 October :: 12.35am
List of things to give up this year for new years:
Quality conversations...the kind where you talk about stuff that is actually important and meaningful.
"Love" or the idea of it
Lonliness
Jealousy
Hate (or strongly disliking...)
Meat or possibly just cheeseburgers and fast food.
2 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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Toki
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2004 18 October :: 7.59am
The earthy Capricorn Moon helps you feel secure and you want to make the most of it by using the day to add stability into your life. You begin to think more about your long term goals, yet it can be difficult to separate them from your more immediate chores. Don't take on more than you can complete and you will make progress on both fronts.
Haha! I guess progress is dead. Man, am I screwed. :-)
-Patrice
1 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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mudpiegrl
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2004 16 October :: 8.13pm
:: Mood: pessimistic
:: Music: the soothing sounds of the dryer
can i just give up?
Recently, everything's been frustrating to the point where i just want to give up. The easiest would be Chuck E. Cheese. It takes more time than i have and im not planning on going anywhere near food service when im older, hence the pointlessness.
I also want to submit to jen. i hate being swept around but she wont see my side (which is not to spend more time with me than mushroom) and i feel like ive lost her already, which, i guess is good. i t wont be as hard when she leaves for college and i get stuck at CLC.
Neil would be the hardest. It'd be easier to get over rather than a sort of withering away. It seems like hed rather just get on with his life there rather than worry about my critisisims and hesistations. he wouldnt have to hold himself back on anything for me. yet i love him so much. i actually feel like he cares for me as much as i do him, all the while feeling as if he cant wait to get rid of me. i suppose even a tree grows attached to moss that decays it.
1 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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sandatthebeach
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2004 16 October :: 9.11pm
:: Mood: tired
Os ju sti medi ta bitur
Dudes. I did it. I made IMEA. I freakin' made IMEA. I was not expecting that. And I'm so happy.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I actually cried because I was so happy and shocked and excited and ahhh! Ask anyone in choir. I was shaking...it was kinda pathetic actually not that I think about it.
It was really bad this week because I was so doubtful of myself and I just didn't think that I would be good enough or I would majorly screw up....and I did....but I guess it wasn't as horrific as I thought. I gave myself such a hard time. And I was so pissed that night too.....I walked out of the room so mad at myself. Even the following morning, people asked about it and I refused to answer....I didn't want to think about it. And then OC said my name I was just in complete shock. ::Sigh:: I'm happy.
It kinda pissed me off when Kurt announced me being in District choir everytime he freakin saw me that day. I was finally like Kurt shut up. I'm not someone who takes compliments very well...and I don't revolve my life around them. Compliments make me uncomfortable. I often take them for sarcasm...that's how weird I am. Just, you guys, I don't want to be self-centered...and I'm not (or at least I don't think I am....PLEASE inform me if I am....I don't want to turn into one of those people) and I don't people to encourage that I guess....I don't know...I'm not sure what I want to say anymore. Blah.
Ok I'm off.
Always, Sandy
2 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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mudpiegrl
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2004 16 October :: 12.32am
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: volume one on the tv
oh, how horrible this hallmark holiday!
Today i took mushroom and campy to get sweetest day gifts for their girls. Not only are the two incredibly innovative, they are just plain cute. watching them ponder everything from the simple, generic yet romantic gifts to ironing the creases out of original ideas that would make any girl feel special and still make her laugh.
Hopefully ryan isnt an idiot and remembers the day. patrice deserves so much. Oh damn it! i have chocolate on my shirt...grr!
today really wasnt that great of a day. again, i dont feel that well, but i got through the day. I just wanted to go home and lose myself in the sims and the new downloads from yesterday...and campy and mushroom wanted to do stuff...cuz they were bored. We decided to eat but my gas light went on so i wnet home for the card. not there...i called my dad so that he could meet me at the gas station (halfway between our current locations). got gas; forgot gas cap. went to jewel. no details. jen might read. no present yet. the basic back and forth for money was frustrating. jealously...holy jealousy.
am lucky to get neil to stay on the phone with me for twenty minutes, never mind spend four hours on a project just to make me smile. come to think of it, ive only recieved cards on holidays nad birthdays....stuffed animal on christmas and birthday...poster and book...also holidays. oh and fucking flowers for dances, which after twice i told him to stop: they just die. Why cant anything be just because. im not asking for three hundred dollar stuff here.i dont know. the most creative thing hes done was just recently. he recorded "i miss you" on my voicemail played by his guitar.
odd that someone who misses me would take his video games and football games over his girlfriend on the other end of the phone or in the hotel down the street.
so theres this part of me that says, "break up. whats the point?"
Pro: sweet wehn i actually see him
Con:It's rare. two weeks turned into a month, which will soon be more.
Pro: someone ive built a relationship with who i feel actually cares for me in return.
Con:i wonder if he cares as much as i think...or am i trying to convince myself. what proof do i have?
Pro: there is none to this.
Con:video games, friends, football games more important.
Pro: says "i miss you" and "i love you"
Con:has also said "i cant miss you"
Pro: i wonder, is he also trying to convince himself that its not that bad, distracting himself?
Con:why cant he just show me he cares!?
Pro: cried before he left.
Con:for family, friends? most likely not jsut me.
to breaking up:
Pro: it'd be a hell of a lot easier to deal with. i'd get over him quicker. otherwise he's slowly ripped away...like a bandaid...less painful the faster.
Con:oh my god it makes me cry to think about it.
so my conclusion=none.
i dont know im lost and i wish someone would help me.
but then i just sound like im complaining. and who's going to listen? jen is having too many issues with mushroom to care. patrice is going to be too stressed with dracula by time i get to her and i dont even know hwo to explain it. sandy's good but i always feel bad cuz i get the answer "i wouldnt really know". Q just depresses me when i try to ask him a question like that. jill sort of forgets i asked a question and continues talking/thinking about whatever preceeded the question.
oh i love being lonely.
im just going to go play sims now
after i walk the dogs
they're the coolest people.
1 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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Anytngbtordinary
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2004 13 October :: 6.59pm
:: Mood: good
Today...was today. Pretty good. Wow did i say that? I used the word good to describe my day...whoa :-).
Lunch was cool...but strange because i had to spend it with people i dont usually talk to. I had to be there for NHS and yeah... the people are nice...but like i said i dont really talk to them...maybe i should start. This years the year to just be friends with like everyone.
I'm eating way too much fast food...i'm going to give it up this new year i think...and get soda back...maybe if i still like it.
Senior pictures are fun...but people can be jerks about them.
"You look really good! I'm impressed! Crap...didnt mean it that way. I'm bad with words..." (that was funny though) then i got this:
"Wow!!! You should look like that everyday!"
Ouch... I told my mom that and she goes:
"See! You really should try to look good each day and wear cute clothes instead of the crap you wear..."
thanks mom -.- damn it. Everyone else found that comment as mean as i did then my mom has to go and back that comment up. Arg. Am i really that ugly?
Man windows media player is playing crappy music right now...its picking all the wrong songs.
I have to babysit soon for a camper and her sister. Yeah money!
I woke up at 6 this morning....maybe thats the key to having a good day...waking up early and taking some time to get ready instead of doing it in 10 minutes...
A ton of people asked me if i got my hair cut...i just had it down because i had time to leave it down. That sounds weird...but i did... i had time to straighten it and crap.
In psychology today we were asked to say who we thought we were. Thats a hard question to answer...let me tell you.
If anyone cares to respond, tell me who you think you are. I want to read it!
I said "I am me. I like to think i think deeper than people think i do. I like being with people, not alone. And i hate being home because then i become lazy and I am on the internet for ever...worst form of communication...well other than text messaging i guess. I'm organized through disorganization. " After that i was kind of lost. Its really hard to figure out who you are. I constantly have moments where i ask myself "Who the hell am i?" Ever have that? Where you feel like you are just a complete stranger to yourself? Its really strange.
Well thats it. I have to get ready to go.
Bye!
Have a nice night.
~Jackie
2 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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sandatthebeach
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2004 11 October :: 8.08pm
:: Mood: perturbed
My cranky ass side it coming back. My super negative side is starting to show as well. I'm just stressed and blah.
TOM's an asshole. He can go fall of a cliff and drown.
2 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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mudpiegrl
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2004 11 October :: 7.54pm
:: Mood: accomplished
i smell clean.
after a weekend of hell-like painting (or painting like hell),i can finally relax
oh and another good thing is that this is never read so i dont have to put it private.
and sweetest day is the sixteenth.
im gonna go buy neil a card.
i hope jen continued exercising while i was gone. i couldnt wake her up; i could hardly get up.
i miss neil...
good news: incubus is in november and i get to go down to see him!
bad news: that's over a month away. and he's not coming to see dracula. :(
my face itches...im gonna go find lotion and buy a card and hopefully get ahold of jen. i wrote her a letter and i want to know what she thinks. ill post it in here.
later
2 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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