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Black roses and Silver tears

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angel_bob

:: 2004 25 September :: 7.41pm

An update of epic proportions
I never update anymore.

Ben got a new car. I named it Julio Hernandez because Julio, according to him, wasn't cool enough for such a kick butt POS.

Ben and I were supposed to do Race for the Cure today but we got lost. Well, we knew where we were, we just didn't know how to get to the mall.

So at 9, we finally ended up where we knew we were but it was far too late to drive 40 minutes to be late, not run and get free food.

We went and woke up Katie at 10:15. I pounced on her bed. She miaowed. It was great.

For a long while, we sat around not doing anything. I played with Ben's hair and gave him a lazy back massage. Katie gave him a non-lazy back massage and we both just laid around Ben.

Ben and I headed back to his house since Katie needed to get up and do chores since her German buddy Janina came today.

Ben's mommy (who I lurve to death) made Ben and I PB&J samiches and Ben and I went to see Without a Paddle because we were up and about anyway.

That is an odd movie. I liked the mountain man. Dr. Hobo-esque.

Ben and I headed back to his house, played on his computer and watched I Love the 90's before he had to go to work and took me home.

I ate brownies that Hannah and Buddy made, ate dinner and just got done watching Smoke Signals so Ashley and Kelly don't kill me on Monday. That's a good movie. I hope the book is half as good.

I have to write 9 (handwritten) pages on any book or whatever for AP Lit by Monday. I have a paper for Japanese due Wednesday. I have some Physics Concepts crap due Monday but I forgot my Physics book so I'll have to do that on Monday morning. Shayna and I are going to try to get together tomorrow to practice our stupid Japanese crap. Our presentations are stupid fashion shows like we did in French 1. I dress up on Wednesday and Shayna describes what I wear. Shayna dresses up on Thursday and I describe what she wears.

Blah blah blah.

I don't update much anymore and I'd apologize but it's not important and I don't care. I don't comment much either but it's not important and you shouldn't care.

You know I love you, you know I care about you.

Amanda broke her ankle. It makes me sad. I don't see her much. I wonder if she can drive...

Nick's working until 10, Ben's working until 9:30/10, Janina (which is a beautiful name) is here so Katie and her family are probably all busy fussing over her.

She comes to school on Monday. Rock hard.

I'm going to go to the Homecoming football game probably. Not the dance unless Janina wants to go maybe.

Blah blah.

I love you all.

How do we forgive our fathers?
Maybe in a dream.
Do we forgive our fathers for leaving us too often or forever when we were little?
Maybe for scaring us with unexpected rage or making us nervous because there never seemed to be any rage there at all.
Do we forgive our fathers for marrying, or not marrying our mothers, for divorcing, or not divorcing our mothers?
And shall we forgive them for their excesses of warmth or coldness?
Shall we forgive them for pushing or leaning, for shutting doors, for speaking through walls or never speaking, or never being silent?
Do we forgive our fathers in our age or in theirs?
Or in their deaths?
Saying it to them, or not saying it?
If we forgive our fathers what is left?

6 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 24 September :: 7.43pm

Morrissey is dreamy in the "he's old enough to be my dad and is almost as old as my mom" dreamy way.

Plus he's of an undefined sexual uh attraction.

And he's Morrissey.

He's dreamy.

Are you crying?

mudpiegrl

:: 2004 24 September :: 6.33pm
:: Mood: frustrated

i just told my mum how frustrating it is when she walks out when someone says something or plugs her ears or starts yelling back. she yelled but even you guys who dont live here know she doesnt really listen but she wants us to listen.

she started telling me to go do my homework. i cant believe she had the nerve to tell me to do that when everyday ive come home and said i cant talk i have to go do my homework. how can she say that when i come home and tell her how much i love school.

how can either of my parents tell me to clean my room or say its too messy when im doing more things than both of them put together.

i try to be so patient with them but i get yelled at for not being home for dinner.

on the other hand, i think im losing weight, but im sort of worried about it. i havent been sleeping adequetly enough nor have i been eating much...im always hungry and when i do eat, its not healthy. neil said i looked thinner and my pants are much loser than normal.

i really want to go run because ive been meaning to...but im too tired now although i still might...and in the morning i dont get up early enough. normally i dont have a moment at home. im awake here only about two and a half hours any way...and most of it is getting ready for school or work.

im really happy with how well my life has been going lately, contrary to how i was feeling the last month and a half or so. i hated myself and idndt want to do anything. now im fine but no matter how much i want to clean my room (its difficult to walk through), i dont have time or energy. i dont understand why my parents care so much, in fact, i figure they dont care. i think they have nothing else to complain about and so figure that its the only imperfection. im not sitting at home like mum, im not asking for significant amount of money to spend on nothing like tyler, im successful in what i want unlike my dad...and so i figure they dont know what else to say. im not around enough for them to pick apart my character and dont give them the opportunity to critique my life. all they know is that i am doing better than any of the rest of all my family did in high school, regardless of my lack of grades.

im feeling better now...this is a good destresser.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 23 September :: 6.20am
:: Mood: content
:: Music: The Piano Has Been Drinking by Tom Waits

A perfect song to describe my mood right now
Read more..

I love you all.

6 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 22 September :: 7.26pm

...I'm a poster girl with no poster...
I just had my first webcam whore moment.

I dropped a chocolate covered raisin on the computer chair. When I stood up, I saw that it melted.

Someone was watching the webcam which at that moment was pointed at the keyboard.

And I was afraid I had chocolate on my pants.

So I tipped the webcam down far enough that they hopefully didn't see anything.

And took off my pants to check.

It was exciting.

I love you all.

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

mudpiegrl

:: 2004 22 September :: 12.54am

Your Dream: job interview squirrel goose geese car

Words like job: Work on fulfillment. Frustrated or satisfied with life.

Words like squirrel: To see squirrels in your dream foretell you will acquire a few new friends and there is happiness in the home.

Words like geese: They might bring an extensive journey surrounded by good fortune.

Words like car : Personal power. Ego.

i think thats good...

Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 21 September :: 4.35pm
:: Mood: meh

I feel.

That's it.

Nothing more, nothing less.

I love you all.

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 20 September :: 6.18am

Ah, Mondays.

Tomorrow we have a presentation thing we have to do for AP Lit.

I have to burn that Feminist CD. It's all arranged, it just needs burned.

Nick and Ben beat Fable already. Nick beat it in two days. Ben beat it in five. Granted, Nick stayed home from school and work on Friday.

I don't know how many times I have to warn people but I'm Typhoid Mary. When I get sick, I'll be sick for a few days then I'll make everyone else sick and they'll be sick for a week or so.

I hope you all have a nice day. Or at least try to.

I love you all.

Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 17 September :: 1.04pm

I'm researching Kabuki right now.

I want to be home playing Fable. The best game out right now and the second best game this year.

I wish I had my CD player with me. I need some French pop music.

CHOPUSTIKU FIGHTU!

I'm just bored. This is boring. I am boring. This is bored. Boring. Whatever. I'm so bored, I don't even know how to say it anymore.

Someone/something sells like smoke. Smells, I mean.

I'm not on drugs.

I have one test left. One hour left. Psych. Katie says it's easyish. Multiple choice and stuff.

Taco-san is talking about Kurt Cobain and Courtney "I'm so nasty just saying my name makes Rachel want to puke" Love.

I want to make a triptych. Triptych cubed is a cool band.

I want to be home playing Fable!!!!

I love you all.

P.S. Read more..

P.P.S. My journal smurfing rocks!

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 16 September :: 11.14pm

We have Fable now!

I'm trying to figure out where the Tattoo Parlor is.

I'm going to be sexy.

I love you all.

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 16 September :: 4.10pm

Some people need to stop breeding. This guy is afraid that the "witches" in his neighborhood are after him and homeschools all his kids so the witches won't get them.

Smurfing wow.

I'm going to print that out for Ashley.

I didn't go to French club because I'm tired.

I have three tests tomorrow. Well two quizzes and a test.

I love you all.

7 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 15 September :: 9.50pm

Boredom breeds layouts
New layout sort of.

I should be more specific.

New central theme to my Angel_Bob journal.

New ED picture called oh, that's why.

New title: Pourquoi? Which means "why" in French.

New icon/picture/thing from the ED picture i hate it when people lie to me. Because I do. And I'm trying to stop lying.

Song lyrics on the status bar down there from the song Black Dresses by The Spill Canvas.

Song lyrics on my comment links from the song The Tide by The Spill Canvas.

I think that's it.

Theme: every bad thing has something good you can get from it.

I guess.

I don't know.

I love you all.

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 15 September :: 5.56pm
:: Music: Simpsons Halloween specials

Yesterday Ben called me around 5:30 and said he pre-ordered Fable at 4 and was going to pick it up at 6.

So my little brother and I went over and hung out with Ben and Katie. We watched him play Fable and tried to give him some advice.

Fable smurfing rocks.

We might get Fable this weekend.

I got my picture taken in third hour today for being the "queen of algebra". I only got two problems wrong, three points. Mr. Hess lets us retake tests so I'm going to retake it for 100% on a math test for the first time in my life.

I think that's it really.

We had anime club today. King of Bandit Jing smurfing sucks. Don't watch it unless you can stand deus ex machina.

I have a Psych test on Friday and maybe a Physics Concepts test on Friday too. I'm going to French club tomorrow.

I love you all.

P.S. My mom got me a "job" at her work that I'll only have for three or four weeks. But it's nice experience and it's money.

P.P.S. My kitty is okay.

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 14 September :: 4.49pm

Quote of the day:
Commerce and art are always trying to make love with each other but sometimes commerce fucks art and leaves it feeling somehow cheapened.


My day was okay. Nothing really important to say.

My Intro to Algebra 2 teacher does this thing where the girl and the guy with the highest grade on a test get their picture taken wearing crowns and they become the "king and queen of algebra".

Guess who got the highest score?

We didn't have time today, so tomorrow me and some kid will get our pictures taken and Mr Hess'll hang them up on the wall until the next test.

I'm a little surprised that I got the highest score since math, especially algebra, is my worst subject. But it's just Intro to Algebra 2 and it was just a sort of review test anyway.

Blah blah blah.

I called Nick during lunch and left a message on his cell phone because I'm a dork.

In conclusion: I suck.

I love you all.

5 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 14 September :: 1.04pm

I'm not updating during school when I'm supposed to be researching for Japanese class.

I'm really bored. This is boring. I could get this all done in an hour.

Bored bored.

Kabuki is interesting though. Well it was for about five minutes.

I saw Brigitte in the hall this hour. We talked for a while.

I'll write about school when I get home.

I love you all.

Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 13 September :: 7.55pm
:: Mood: crying

I hate Mondays
My kitty is sick.

My Mickey.

My McHenry.

His fur is all greasy. He isn't cleaning himself and he's got kitty dandruff.

Remember when I talked about this before?

Well I mentioned it to my mom back then and she's noticing it a lot more now.

She said he's eating a lot and not gaining weight.

So she called the vet and made an appointment for tomorrow.

And googled his symptoms since my family hates not knowing.

We think he has hyperthyroidism.

A pill a day for the rest of his life or radiation something.

So of course they're thinking a pill a day.

And today my mom's car's check engine light went on.

And we're having trouble paying the bills.

So my dad said there's got to be a cut off point. We can't keep shoving money onto the cat. We did it once before when he had to have surgery.

So if it does end up costing a lot, we can't pay it.

So we might have to put him to sleep.

My kitty.

My McHenry.

The cat we got a few months after we moved here.

The cat I named.

The cat that went missing for a few days.

The cat I love.

The cat everyone hates.

We might have to put him to sleep.

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 13 September :: 3.37pm

School is tedious.

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

mudpiegrl

:: 2004 13 September :: 1.12pm
:: Mood: crappy

i was going to put this under friends only...and then private...but i figure no one reads this anyway...not only that, but maybe everyone should read this.

a few days ago i meant to post a letter i wrote to everyone. i just forgot to bring my notebook with me. it apologized because im taking opportunities from my friends and people around me that deserve them more than i do. and so for that i apologize. i dont feel as bad any more because those opportunites are coming around to them.

last night i upset neil, again. as well as sandy. and for that im sorry too.

just dont listen to me.

i dont think ill visit neil this weekend. i promised i wouldnt call him all this week. he watns to miss me.

you probably shouldnt talk to me this week either...because i can almost guarentee i wont be in a good mood.

so im sorry for all of that and whatever else i should be.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 12 September :: 2.34pm
:: Mood: content

I have a lot to say and I don't know if I'm going to remember to say it all.

Today is three months for me and Nick.

Last week, after our open house at school, my mom e-mailed my counselor saying that my Contemporary Lit class was really stupid and she was wondering if I could get out of it.

On Thursday during sixth hour, I got a counseling pass and after going down to the counseling office, a sheet that I needed my potential teacher and my Contemp Lit teacher to sign. After school, I got Mr. Watson to sign it so I could switch into AP Lit with him second hour. I don't really like Feeley so I delayed talking to him until Friday.

Friday morning. I went to see Feeley and he silently reprimanded me for not getting a purple sheet from him or talking to him about switching out. I took the sheet down to the counseling office and my new schedule.

To christen the schedule, Ben ripped off my locker number and combo from the top. I was supposed to start AP Lit that day and I did. Second hour, my first day in AP Lit, I took an in-class essay on a poem I read once before we had to write about it.

Looks like it'll be a fantastic class. Kelly, Nicole, Shayne, Ashley and a thousand other really cool and nice smart people are in that class.

Yesterday Ben was bored and wanted to do something so I asked my mom if I was still grounded. She said no but my chance of going depended on whether I was feeling sick or not.

I wasn't feeling that great but I wanted out of the house so Ben and I hung out doing basically nothing really. But it was nice to get out of the house. Katie was going to hang out with us but couldn't. Nick stopped by after work and for a long time we all stood outside talking and hanging out.

It was nice getting out of the house.

Today I woke up with cramps and Fred. Joy upon joys.

Gabe's (Penny Arcade) wife had her baby on Thursday. Gabriel Aiden. Very cute.

I think that's it.

I'm not grounded anymore so if anyone wants to do anything, I'm definitely up for it. Just not today.

I love you all.

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 11 September :: 1.44pm
:: Music: Not Done Yet by Superchick

Halloween...
I'm going to be Angel Bob for Halloween.

Read more..

So it'd be easy peasy. And me. All I really have to do is figure out what crazy dress Katie pictures when she draws me. It looks like my gray blob dress with the thingies from my Chinese dresses. I think Katie is on drugs sometimes. But I still love her. I'll have to get together with her and figure out what the heck she's drawing and how I can make it.

Any other ideas are very very welcome.

I love you all.

14 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 11 September :: 12.56pm
:: Music: Je cours by Kyo

September 11th
I don't care what you say about the French. I love them.

RadioFrance had this on their main page.

Read more..

We're such arrogant jerks most of the time. I'm happy that other countries, especially France, still feel sympathy for us.

My dad was overseas in Taiwan on September 11, 2001. Random people, strangers, would come up to him on the street, ask him if he was American and say they were sorry about what happened. We have two Hong Kong newspapers from that day.

I don't know if I had a point. But if I did, it'd be that I hope a year from now we'll be less arrogant and more deserving of the sympathy, the empathy that other countries give us on this day.

I love you all.

Et je saigne encore, je souris à la mort
Tout ce rouge sur mon corps
Je te blesse dans un dernier effort

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

mudpiegrl

:: 2004 8 September :: 10.05pm
:: Mood: calm

so tonight i went to the BEAT (Bringing Education About Tobacco) meeting today.

it was fun actually. im really starting to be able to get out ideas so that'll be a help in those horrible officer meetings where i cant come up with any good ideas.

erm...i didnt bring my notebook...i wrote what i wanted to post next in here...ill go get it.

Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 8 September :: 8.03pm

All hail the heartbreaker
I just finished up my first paper of the year.

It only took me an hour and didn't even really count as a paper. It only had to be two pages long. Double spaced.

So rock, yo.

I'm sick. I'm hoping this weekend I'll get over it. It's not that bad, my nose is running/stuffed up and I can't hear people or how loud I am talking. I'm feeling okay, just extra tired.

That was pointless.

Nick got promoted to manager. He'll train up until he turns 18 and then it's official.

Which reminds me, his birthday is coming up fast.

My day was cool. Mrs. Phillips, my psych teacher gave us a quiz today but there was a fire drill and afterwards she just threw the quiz out.

Yeah. That's my highlight... not having a quiz count for a grade.

I have a psych and math test on Friday. Icky. My first math test of the year.

73h end!

I love you all.

Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 7 September :: 4.19pm
:: Mood: calm

I DROVE.

My brother left his math book at school and my sister and I tagged along for fun.

When my mom was out of the driveway, I said, "You should make me drive."

And she did.

And it was okay.

And I wasn't scared. At all.

I was shaking a little when I got out of the car, but it was okay.

I wasn't scared.

Smurfing wow.

I think, that if this keeps up, I might like driving someday.

It's like a sign of the apocalypse!

I'm going to try to drive everywhere starting soon. Well not today. School's open house is tonight (I'll be going with my mom as always) and I can't park worth smurf. Plus I'll freak everyone out with my slow driving. Actually, I just might drive there tonight.

I don't know.

My mom was freaking out. Not directly. But she was talking louder than she normally would. It's like people do during an "awkward silence" (which don't exist by the way). She just seemed nervous. You could tell.

I'll tell about my day maybe later. I want to do some, if not all, of my homework before we leave. Plus I have a paper due Thursday and I want to at least get it started if not finish it. I can work on it afterwards though since it ends around 8:30.

Nick's at work. I was going to call him to see how his first day of school went but we left to go get my brother's book. By the time I called, his mom said he went to get a haircut then found out he had to work from 4 to 10. On a school night... He'll be exhausted.

I love you all.

6 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

mudpiegrl

:: 2004 6 September :: 10.22pm
:: Mood: angry/exhasted/sad/tired/rushed/accomplished/sick/

i just finished a three day, non-stop working weekend.

building and painting...

im not trying to do my homework and find time to go get my work clothes for tmro, my first day of work.

wed. we start crew and thurs. im training.

i have a job, im in all-state, im an officer, im trying to do my homework, im making friends, im not a total idiot, im in two anti-drug programs...

this is better than anyone on either side of my family, yet im not good enough.

im still getting yelled at for my room...

who the fuck cares? no one sees it, not even me!

all i wanted to do this weeked was see neil because i miss him so much.

but all i go to do was use ten gallons of paint in ten hours.

woo.


im tired and i want to sleep.
i have a headache.
my gums/teeth hurt. (wisdom teeth are moving in)
i wasted my weekend with people i dont know.
i have so much to do.
and have done so little of it.
my voice is gone.
and my body hurts.

all i want to do is sleep.

but this is just my break and then hello to another day with only a few hours of sleep

so if i look tired tmro.

that's why.

goodnight.

Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 6 September :: 7.25pm
:: Mood: tired

We've no time for later, now.
Oh well what you waiting for?

Are you crying?

cradleofilth

:: 2004 6 September :: 10.42am

i may not be updating this much, but when i do, it'll be friends only, because of some asshole who has nothing better to do but to piss people off......i have an lj now, if ya want it, ask meh

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 6 September :: 1.38am
:: Mood: tired

I don't know. It was good until I started typing...
I'm a cynic. I'm an optimist. I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm a pessimist. I'm open-minded. I'm hopeful. I'm dreary. I'm sad. I'm happy.

Of all the falling in and out love. Of all the breaking up and making up. Of all the kisses and the hugs. Of all the dreams made and hopes crushed. Of all the promises spoken and hearts broken.

It doesn't really matter.

You'll go back and forth.

I hate love.

I love love.

I hate you.

I love you.

And it's all worth one single moment of happiness.

You may not think it now as you cry in bed.

You may not think it now as your teddy bear seems your only friend.

But in the end, when it all comes down to it, it's worth it.

You need to have your heart broken.

You need to love and hate.

You need to be the one to end it.

You need to have it ended.

I'm sorry.

But it's all to help you. It's all to build you up until that final one.

The one.

It's all to help you learn. It's all to help you know people. It's all to help you know yourself.

It's to help you learn how people think. It's to help you learn how you think.

It's to help you learn what you want.

It's to help you learn what you need.

But you need more than one try.

You need more than one tear.

You need more than one heartbreak.

You need more than one day.

And you'll need more than one lesson.

I'm sorry that it's hard. I'm sorry that it hurts.

But it's all to help you.

It's never futile. It's never a race while standing still.

You'll never learn all there is in one shot.

And it's not going to be easy.

You're going to make and break a thousand promises.

You're going to meet and leave a thousand people.

You're going to learn and love a thousand things.

You're going to cry and die a thousand times.

You're going to end up right where you belong.

But not without trying.

Nothing comes easy.

Would you want a horrible relationship that you just had to blink an eye for?

Or would you want something that was painstakingly perfected through trying and failing and crying and dying and heartbreak and loss only to end up better than anything?

I don't know. I don't even remember my point anymore. Or if I even had one.

This all sounded fantastic in my head but once I put it down....

Blah. I don't know.

I guess what I'm saying is: don't give up. It's not the end of the world, it's the beginning. It's another step up the ladder.

I'm sorry. It hurts. I know. But you can't just stop. You can't just give up.

You'll never get there standing still.

You'll never be happy if you keep crying.

You'll never start walking if you don't stand up.

And you'll never find the perfect person just for you if you don't step out the door and try.

They're not going to fall into your lap. They're not going to fall from the sky.

And they're not coming right away.

There are over six billion people in the world and one of them is just for you. They aren't all going to come knocking on your door.

And the first one you meet isn't going to be the last.

Don't give up.

You need to try.

I love you all.

J'ai versé une larme dans l'océan, dès qu'elle sera trouvée, je cesserai de t'aimer.

5 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 5 September :: 11.22pm
:: Mood: bored

This is the best thing I've read in the past week.

Read more..

I found an icon too. It's awesome.

I'm slightly VERY tempted to hand out flyers like this at school. Or post them in the hallways.

It would be funny. Cruel and sardonic but funny.

I love you all.

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

Angel_Bob

:: 2004 5 September :: 9.04pm

Whatever Nick says, I am not on drugs.

If you were a hot dog, and you were starving, would you eat yourself?

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

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