::
2004 26 April :: 7.40pm
:: Music: songs in my head...
You
[edit 9:23 This means war]
It was always you
For me
Nothing could change it
Me
Was there ever me
For you
It's always changing
Sometimes I wonder if reality is indeed reality. What if none of this exists? What if it is all in my mind? What if all my friends are nonexistent?
It's kind of scary.
Anyway, we had the stupid MEAPs today and it was, well, stupid. The day went by really fast though since we only had three classes.
The test today was Social Studies. They'd give you this article about the health benefits of cheese then ask you questions about your freedom to dance in the street.
It was weird.
I had English, History and Chemistry.
English was stupid. We read some article on race ratios in sports and were supposed to answer questions about it. I just wrote about how sexist and racist the black guy who wrote it was.
History blah blah chemistry blah.
Yeah. This is really boring.
Some we're holding up too high
So you're sorry now
So you need me now
As if I ever loved you
My life is pretty okay. It's sort of just going. I like it.
I didn't sleep well last night. I got in bed at midnight and finished The Da Vinci Code at around 1.
Then I fell asleep and woke up at least twice every hour until my alarm went off at 5:50.
Then I took a shower because I was too tired to take one last night.
The water was cold.
I'm being boring again.
Sorry.
That's it. Life's okay. I'm okay. Everything's pretty alright.
I was hyper today.
I love you all.
So I'm slipping out of your head
While you'll stay put in mine
another day of school >.>
well its another day of school....but today is a special day, last night robert told me that this girl named j.j. told this ashley girl i was gay, and she has a loud mouth, so today should get rather interesting....*nodnod*
right now im running through the house...looking for my mathbook so i can do my math homeowrk at the last minute >.> so i dont fail...
feh, so i guess i'll update again later *nodnod* im out for now...
ok i guess im having problems with my other journal, i cant log in cuz my username is too long, but i dunno how i got that username in the firstplace if its too long... gah i dunno i guess im just saying dont expect any updates there, ill write them all here now cuz the other one just sucks. poop.
::
2004 25 April :: 7.42pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: The way- Clay Aiken
weeee updated ^^
i updated the layout...once again! ^_^ isnt it cute? i love it. it took me forever to get the posts to move to the left so i can put that sessy piccy there, but hey, i finally did it^^ *cheers to himself*
yay for me!
i need to redo all the music though >.>....feh...i had to reset my journal...so it has no tunes right now >.< hopefully i can fix that soon *nodnod*
i went to see 13 going on 30 yesterday! ^^ it was soo funny^^ and there was 2 people i new from school who were there, it suprised me... tyler B. was there, and so was natalie ^^
we like all went into the same stores after the movie..it was creepy, lol
well anywhos im talking to kaley right now...and yeah...tommorow is school, and im actually happy to go, because i was rather bored this weekend besides the movies *nodnod* i talked to my loving bf though ^___^
love ya frans ^^
well anywhos im gonna stop writing now, before i get too carried away here...so im out..,
Joe
oh and btw, i didnt delete all my previous entries, you just have to hit "view past entries" to see them *nodnod* i changed it that way, so that my backround doesnt tile all the way down...it looks wierd that way..
i just went back all the way to my first entry: 7 july...almost a year...
maybe ill just get a paperback copy cuz then i dont really need to print them cuz this is my life this year...last year was endless papers and memories and letters and drawings and this year i havent drawn much and everythings in my head and its the only thing i could put for this year...
from there, ill just write it on word and whatever...maybe ill get a money order...sound good?
cuz i really dont write in it much anymore
:: 2003 1 September :: 2.34 am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: "colours of the wind"~Pocohontas
[ edit | delete ]
HIyA!
am going to homecoming! erm...i dont know if im excited or nervous or scared or what...well let me explain~am excited just cuz i got flowers, well basically anyway. half of it is surprise...i had no idea he was going to ask so soon. its six weeks {as stacey so kindly just informed me ::bows to stacey::} until then, and i really hope we stay together until then. am sort of worried that jackie will be mad at me, or pretend shes not yet making it so blatently obvious she is. stacey has already said "i wish i was going to homecoming", which, it is also true that she will be asked sometime during the next six weeks::again, bows to staceys time lapse statement::. I want Q to ask trixy really bad; i think they would make a cute couple, although, trix, if you are reading this, i will nto tell him to. its his decision, ive already said i think you guys would be cute together, and i explained "our plan" and he laughed, in agreeance i suppose. ooo btw, jackie and benton and i got our zoo pics today! they are really funny! well anyway. Jackie is going to get asked by benton, because wender will give way to his power, although benton may hold off as an effect to wender. ::shrugs:: eh! itll work itself out. sandy...well...i think well get her someone...i think kyle and lisa are set, even though they arent doing too well, they are too attached to break up...spencer and jillian too...i dont think they are done yet. sandy, wender could take or benton...depending...chris broke up with jenny, so he'll have to find someone! ::gasp:: am helping fritz with creative ways to ask his girlfriend...but i cant think of any...she swims which he might be able to do soemthing with...o well...post any suggestions...::sigh:: yesterday i bought a four by four piece of wallboard. am drawing a load of disney characters on it...twill be loads of fun! and then i will paint them! woo! i think i will give it to jackie or jennifer...jennifer because of her new house but jackie because she loves disney. [HammeTrucci: i was just telling him how it was perfect that i asked you out today and i was going to ask you to homecoming
battlestarre: and what did he say
HammeTrucci: yeah said "beautiful"] well...gnight...
::
2004 23 April :: 10.26pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: Iris by Goo Goo Dolls
I don't think that they'd understand...
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
This song is one of my favorites.
I want to apologize to all of you. "I am not as I have been." And I'm trying to get back on track.
This song makes me sad. I just want you to know who I am. I just want you to know that I love you. And I'm very sorry for not being me.
I guess all I can say to you is that it's about time. I think you're the only one who hasn't been mad at me or hated me yet and I've known you the longest out of everyone in the group.
I like to think that I don't care. Everyone has said that I shouldn't care about people hating me or being pissed at me because I can't please everybody. Then I don't care and everyone freaks out and tells me I should.
I think it's because I'm pretending.
I do care. But you have your reasons and as I said, I guess it's your turn anyway.
And you don't seem to understand...
"And even though all my friends hate me, I still feel pretty good."
By my troth, I'm losing. I've lost.
And I'm sorry. I may seem like I don't care but I do. It sort of really sucks having someone you laugh with one day totally ignore and avoid you the next day.
Don't do this to Katie too. She had nothing to do with it. It was all me. You can ignore me and be pissed at me all you want but you cannot be mean to Katie. Please don't. It was all me.
The path is too narrow
The way is too steep
Count it a blessing
That you're such a failure
Your second chance might never have come
Jillian and Jorian won the name that play contest, yay. we're awesome. but casey sucks cuz he beat us. poop.
so yeah um im bored i kinda dont wanna type for my book but i should since im really far behind and ill forget everything soon but blah i dunno. yea these are my random thoughts... hey whos keeping their jorunal? i dont wanna be the only one that stays here. everyone pay!!! pleaseeeeeeeeeee! i need to read and comment to ppls! yea ok so everyone keep ur journals, cept spencer cuz you just suck and never update anyway but yeah journals are fun. unless ppl say bad stuff then i dont like that. ok im gonna stop now bye bye
ok so i obviously have all my entries under private but im considering putting them back on noraml...yea i dunno
so crying, its supposed to make you feel better right? yea i guess it sorta does, in a way. But then afterwards you have a terrible headache, the worst kind of headache ever and then you eyes hurt and theyre all puffy and red and ppl notice and then ask you whats wrong and you just finished crying and forced yourself to get over it and then you explain it all over again and cry all over again and then its jsut crappy. Yeah thats what i was thinking about last night... i dunno. care to add?
A public service announcement from your friends at 'I Don't Have Fred, I Can Be Pissed Whenever I Want Inc.'
If you can be mean or pissy without an explanation or excuse, so can I.
Everyone is being stupid and angsty.
I feel like slapping you across the face.
Smile. It's not the end of the world. It's far from it.
Today is yesterday's tomorrow. It's the only tomorrow you're going to get.
So fucking smile and stop being so angsty before I haul off and kick you in the beanbag or whatever.
to my friends...
i want to tell you all how beautiful you are.
physical beauty is nothing in comparison to what i have learned of you in the short period i have known you.
this is to:
jen
Q
mike
patrice
jill
sandy
wender
spencer
neil
chris
cathy
hul
...im sorry if your name isnt listed... you're in there too...i just didnt think relaly hard...
i want to tell you all how beautiful you are.
some people i have told....but recently...
hearing your voices and watching your movement...
seeing your tears fall and your mouths crack open into careless laughs...
your hearts are pure...some are corrupt...
but as they were born pure, they remain pure.
youre strong, whether you can lift 250 or if you have suffered all your life...
your pain is like carbs turned into energy...it turns into strength.
the pain you feel will one day help you to not fall vulnerable in the most important situations.
you are like buds....so ready to burst...but it isnt time yet....
when you do emerge...
slowly but surely....
your beauty will become apparent...if it is not already blooming...
someone will pick you and love you, stare at you day after day...smell you and smile at you...
and even when you die...
you will be remembered...
as the girl who survived so much in her childhood...
as the kid who suffered so much from one person and still was optimistic...
as the girl who cryed herself to sleep so much from loneliness, but still listened to whines of stupid things....
as the person who kept what was close in the hardest times...
::
2004 19 April :: 3.20pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable
:: Music: Let That Be Enough by Switchfoot
Let me know that You hear me, let me know Your touch, let me know that You love me and let that be enough
These kids on bus 30, the bus right ahead of mine after school, keep calling me a hooker.
It's annoyingly hilarious.
They've got to be middle schoolers.
It started on Friday with one of the kids saying, "Hey, hey you! He says you're a hooker!" And I just smiled.
Then today the kid just says "Hooker!" over and over not bothering to blame it on any other person. I just smiled and laughed while showing him "I love you" in sign language.
I'd like to say I handled that well but I didn't. I'm still mad at those kids...
Who are they to call me anything? I'm not a hooker, am I?
Bleh. Today is just not a good day temperament wise.
God, give me the strength to not kick those kids in the beanbag. Or even think about it.
I'll be a beautiful letdown
I woke up early (7) today to go to a biotechnology workshop (at 9) at Grand Rapids Central Catholic High School. Which could have a longer name.
It was pretty fun but I'm really tired. I got maybe 6 hours of sleep. Uck.
I am most definitely going into some field of biotechnology. I'm morally against cloning and stuff like recombinant DNA but forensic biology sounds pretty fun.
I got home at 4 and at 4:30 I went downtown to see Joe. After forgetting where he lives, I hung out with him for less than an hour. Not nearly enough.
He broke his toe. Witness me shake my head at boys.
He smelled really good.
I should get on memorizing my Japanese script sometime this weekend. I have to present on Tuesday and I don't want to have to rush to do it on Monday night. I also have to make "visual aids".
I love that class, I just hate our presentations.
I took this quiz that SuzakaWaterWings (one of the handful of my friends who might be leaving Woohu) made.
[edit 6:27]
Since people don't like links, here's the poem I linked to last night. I swore in it, sorry. I was a little upset.
Anyway, read or don't read, I don't really mind.
Love you.
A girl doomed to look and never be
Watches life pass her by
She sees the past overlapping the present
And watches as the mistakes she made
Are made by others
She watches
Not participating
As her friends fuck up
Just like she did
Her life plays out in front of her
Over and over
With no adjustments
She watches everything fall
As it did for her
And she prays that it will change
She prays that something will work out for someone
But everything comes up again
She hopes that the past can be amended
And that her friends
Remaking her past with their present
Can mend the wounds time has wrought on her
So she hopes
And so she dreams
And so she prays
As the past becomes the present
As the future is erased
As all is as it was
All mistakes are repeated
And everything comes back
Still she watches
Maybe the second time things will change
Maybe the fourth time they'll change
Maybe the tenth time the choices will be different
Maybe this time she'll be able to move forward
But the future is gone
And the present is nothing
So she sits
Staring into space
Alone but not lonely
Watching
Always hoping
For a better tomorrow
And a different past
I was going to make this into some big exciting event or something but I decided against it since I couldn't think of anything cool enough.
So I wrote a poem and made a silly picture. It's called Trying to Outrun the Storm.
Happy thousand entries to me!!!!
I just want to tell you all how much I love you. You've always been there for me when I needed you most. You've always been able to make me laugh when I didn't want to or make me smile when I was sad.
Thank you.
I've been through a lot in a thousand entries time. It's been one year, three months and six days since I first joined Woohu. I met a lot of people in that time and made a lot of new friends. And enemies.
I've grown to love you all as much as I love my friends.
I love you.
Here's to another thousand entries of teenage angst.
Hello mother, hello father,
fleas, ticks, mosquitos really bother
thanks for the package,
thats why im writing
k9 advantix quickly stopped all the biting!
swimming, hiking, and tent-pitching
they're not biting!
im not itching!
cant wait to show you
all my new tricks!
thanks again for sending me k9 advantix!!!
Fishnets and shoeses
If you haven't noticed yet, Andy got the money yesterday. So everyone I paid for is home free.
My mom just came home. She bought me some new shoes (because my other ones are falling apart) and fishnets. Hell, yeah! Who's going to have the boys falling all over her? Me!
Right, I'm not going to be updating for a while so I can draw out my 1000th entry for as long as possible. And so I can think up something good.
I don't have much to say. I'm sort of meh-ish. Right now, I'm okay though. I'm more worried about everyone else than anything.
I haven't been eating much lately. The thought of food makes me queasy. The smell of it makes me ill.
Yesterday I had a bagel. That was it.
Today, I'm not hungry at all.
I haven't had much sleep either.
I'm hoping that means nothing. I'm hoping it's just stress.
Oh well.
Since I have nothing to talk about and I'm bored, I'll post this thing that Alex had on her journal:
I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions. Anything you want. Then go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.
Would you take my candlelight away from me?
Because Jackie asked and I'm a weirdo, here's the list of people I paid for. Yes, I paid for you and Matador, Jackie, your cries were all for naught.
I'll put their Woohu names because it's just easier.
Angel_Bob
hoshi-ko
45h35
my "private" one
KTHPKC
kurzHaar
another one of Katie's
ears
another one of Tom's
Beretta
kuso_dude
iron-cipher
1010101
ThresherShark
another one of Kyle's
Shinigami
kamron
deloric
Viper15
bunnyblood2
Homsar
seaofsorrow
im-sorry
So yeah, that's all of them. I'm back to just having around $10 in change. Which is pretty cool because now I can just drop it all in the hallways at school.
Oh, there's a teachers vs. students water polo game on the 30th at 7. It costs $5 but I think it'll be worth it just to see some of the teachers (Mr. Downs, Mr. Nelligan, Mr. Modderman, Mr. Story and some other miscellaneous ones) float around in inner tubes.
So if you want to go, tell me and we'll all meet up or something.
