Black roses and Silver tears

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Black roses and Silver tears

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:: 2003 27 October :: 9.08pm

Stargirl page 135
"That's not what I mean. I mean you don't care what people think."

"I care what you think. I care--"

"I know--you care what Cinnamon and Se�or Saguaro think. I'm talking about the school, the town. I'm talking about everybody."

She sniffed around the word. "Everybody?"

"Right. You don't seem to care what everybody thinks. You don't seem to know what everybody thinks. You--"

She broke in: "Do you?"

I thought for a moment. I nodded sharply. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I do know. I'm in touch with everybody. I'm one of them. How could I not know?"

"And it matters?"

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

:: 2003 27 October :: 8.57pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: "her ghost in the fog" by cradle of filth

me happy!
i got a new screen name and a journal! weeeee so happy now!!!

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 27 October :: 5.58pm

And the sad thing is...

this hurts.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

:: 2003 27 October :: 5.39pm
:: Mood: crying

I updated my not-so-secret journal if any of you care.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

:: 2003 27 October :: 3.33pm

Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli pages 123-125
I blurted, "Are you running for saint?"

I regretted the words as soon as they left my lips. She just looked at me, hurt in her eyes.

"Sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to sound nasty."

"How did you mean to sound?"

"Amazed, I guess.

"At what?"

I laughed. "What do you think? You." I laughed again. I stood before the steps, facing her. "Look at you. It's Saturday. I've been with you all day, and you've spent the whole day doing stuff for other people. Or paying attention to other people. Or taking pictures of other people."

She looked up at me. The hurt was gone from her eyes, but not the puzzlement. She blinked. "So?"

"So...I don't know what I'm saying."

"Sounds like you're saying I'm obsessed with other people. Is that it?"

Maybe it was the angle but her fawn's eyes, looking up at me, seemed larger than ever. I had to make an effort to keep my balance lest I fall into them. "You're different," I said, "that's for sure."

She batted her eyelids and gave me a flirty grin. "Don't you like different?"

"Sure I do," I said maybe a little too quickly.

A look of sudden discovery brightened her face. She reached out with her foot and tapped my sneaker. "I know what your problem is."

"Really?" I said. "What?"

"You're jealous. You're upset because I'm paying all this attention to other people and not enough to you."

"Right." I sniffed. "I'm jealous of Peter Sinkowitz."

She stood. "You just want me all to yourself don't you?" She stepped into my space. The tips of our noses were touching. "Don't you, Mr. Leo?" Her arms were around my neck.

We were on the sidewalk in front of her house, in full view. "What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm giving you some attention," she cooed. "Don't you want some attention?"

I was losing my battle for balance.

"I don't know," I heard myself say.

"You're really dumb," she whispered in my ear.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Why do you think there're eighteen pebbles in my wagon?" And then the last remaining space between our lips was gone and I was falling headlong into her eyes, right there on Palo Verde after dinner. And I can tell you, that was no saint kissing me.

8 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 27 October :: 1.20pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: fiona apple

dreams
yup...am sick...sorry i didnt go to school today guys. i feel awful ::blah:: i want to rip out my ears/throat/ nose. well anyway, am here to find the stories that i need to make up stuff for lit. and to write my half-dreams. it was weird. i first was trying to go to sleep and i started thinking about faults and how they are the depths of hell if you couldnt see the bottom of them...like the seven stages of Dante's inferno and thats why you couldnt see teh actual fires, because they were so deep...and then i got up cuz jennifer rang the doorbell...i called her but her phone was off...i came back to bed and started this dream, but it was like a movie. it was written "DIABLO" and then the scene was this kid and she started to rip up meat for her kingdom, who was all vegetarians, but it was her sixteenth birthday and so she got to make one decision that changed everyone else as well. so the meat was fed, and the parents refused to eat anything but fruit (imagine thier diarrea). there were curtains, with a sufficient amount of space between each, like in theatre...and someone went behind one for something and immediately turned around saying that something bad was there...so a knight went behind the curtain and came back partially singed and the girl, i think, grabbed a gun and tryed to shoot at it, which knocked it down to a puddle of black blood on the ground, with steam of a reddish orange colour coming off of it. the party resumed and the voice spoke, resulting in the rows of tables to turn thier heads. the black things began to grow into a somewhat human like figure, and strangely enuf, thats all i remember. okie well anyways, off to land of hmwk....

Are you crying?

:: 2003 27 October :: 6.21am

Well. The high school has busses again which means I sadly won't get to school at the crack of dawn. *sigh* That was fun.

I don't really have anything to update about. Nope, except that we have busses and I hate it, nothing.

Maybe I'll find someone who can drive me or else suffer again on the bus...ug. I hate that bus.

I love you all.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

:: 2003 26 October :: 6.38pm

Heh.

trust
Look for a brown- eyed beau or belle! You want an
honest, simple person to be with for a long,
long time. You'll trust each other wonderfully,
I'd say!

What color of eyes should you look for in a lover?
brought to you by Quizilla

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 26 October :: 11.35am

For Katie...
Heh, Katie, this reminded me of what you said earlier in the summer.

This is an excerpt from a bright pink journal of a girl saying she is so goth.

Note the spelling and grammar. Also the lack of punctuation. I almost went blind and mute at the same moment.

"omg we hav news lyk at skool dere was dis goth gal we wanna b frendz wit jus came up 2 us and sed y we r gothz we sed bcoz were born dis way and she was lyk not as a trend??/"

"she wos rilly nice i guess shes a poser coz goths cant b nice dey r mean and deprassed dats kewl but lyk she wasent"

Yes. This is sad.

I love you all.

11 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 26 October :: 11.20am

Mrs. Dudka taught us...

aimer: to like

adorer: to love

My handy dandy French-English dictionary says...

aimer: to love

aimer bien: to like

adorer: to adore, to worship, to love

But the English-French part of it says...

like: aimer

love: aimer, adorer

So? What is it then?

Crazy French.

I love you all.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

:: 2003 26 October :: 10.49am
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Kind of Perfect by Armor for Sleep

The things you notice when you sleep in
I woke up, looked at my watch (it was 11:38) went to the living room, got on the computer, looked at the time again and all of a sudden, it's 10:40.

Wow. I really despise going from daylight-saving time to standard. Usually I remember that it's coming and I'll mess with the clocks the night before. Since I didn't this time, I'm really confused.

Yup.

Well I haven't updated about my life lately so here it goes.

I went to Beno�t's house yesterday. Watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Watched Family Guy. Ate. Watched Harrison's Flowers. Almost cried. Went home.

I want to be a war photographer. I don't know why. I just want to go to those little war torn countries and take pictures to show the world what's going on and how we shouldn't take advantage of peace. I want to show everyone the evil things that go on in the world right next to us. But I wouldn't even know where to start to become one. What classes would I need? What about college? And every night I'd cry.

But for some reason I really want to do this.

I love you.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

:: 2003 26 October :: 12.13am
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Sous la lune by Paris Combo

I love this song
Sans rancune, sous la lune
On applaudit les somnambules
Pas trop fort, juste un r�confort
Pour leurs efforts
Dans la nuit, juste un bruit
Celui de leurs pas sur les toits
Cible, � sensible, tu t'immobilises
Au bord de l'ab�me

Trois pas en arri�re
Que glacent nos art�res
Trois pas en avant
Pour prendre le temps
D'imaginer la chute, mais chut...

Sans rancune, sous la lune
On applaudit les somnambules
Pas trop fort, juste un r�confort
Pour leurs efforts
De tous ceux qui, dans la nuit
Sans se soucier vivent un r�ve
Et leurs yeux, leurs yeux grands ouverts
Ne voient pas le danger

Une ombre mena�ante
Ab�me dans l'attente
Juste un fil dans le vide
En suspend, l'oeil livide
Est-ce l� le moment de la chute, mais chut...

Sans rancune, sous la lune
On applaudit les somnambules
Pas trop fort, juste un r�confort
Pour leurs efforts
Dans la nuit, juste un bruit
Celui de leurs pas de goutti�re
Qui s'effacent, sans en avoir l'air
Dans l'�crin d'un bon lit...
!(&$(*@&(*$&(@$(@)*$()@*@()*_!@*_@*@
Without resentment, under the moon
One applauds the sleepwalkers
Not too much, just a comfort
For their efforts
In the night, just a noise
That of their steps on their roofs
Target, o sensitive, you stop yourself (I have no idea what they mean by that line)
At the edge of the abyss

Three steps behind
What freeze our arteries
Three steps ahead
To take time
To imagine the fall, but shh...

Without resentment, under the moon
One applauds the sleepwalkers
Not too much, just a comfort
For their efforts
Of all those which, in the night
Without worrying, live a dream
And their eyes, their large eyes open
Do not see the danger

A threatening shade
Damage in waiting (or abyss like they used earlier...Je ne sais pas)
Just a wire in the vaccum
Uncertain, the livid eye
That is there the moment of the fall, but shh...

Without resentment, under the moon
One applauds the sleepwalkers
Not too much, just a comfort
For their efforts
In the night, just a noise
That of their steps in a gutter
Which are erased, without seeming
In the writing of a good bed (or maybe marriage...this line doesn't make any sense either)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's a good song. I translated that with the help of dictionary.com, my skillz due to French I, II, and this year, III and my French-English dictionary.

Pointless links...those are always good.

I love you all.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

:: 2003 25 October :: 11.34pm

He wakes to the sunrise
A broken glass upon the floor
The salt dried upon his cheeks
We've seen this all before

Let it go
Let it go
Let it go
Let it go

Up and down again. Bah. I know I shouldn't let other people affect me but it makes me mad how some don't listen.

And I hardly ever get mad so that makes me sad that I yell at everyone.

Grr.

Are you crying?

:: 2003 25 October :: 11.18pm

KYLE'S HOUSE! NOVEMBER 1ST! 6:00! BRING FOOD!

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 25 October :: 10.53pm
:: Mood: more than fine
:: Music: Dream to Make Believe

The one person that won't ever forget me....
This entry is dedicated to all of you who are doing the worst thing you can do on Woohu and the one thing that labels you an annoying n00b right off. What I'm talking about is asking how to put pictures or backgrounds on your journal. Because this annoys me so, I'm going to teach you some things.

One: Do not ask a question unless you have exhausted all the resources available to you.

Two: When you right click on a page, in the little menu that pops up, there's an option that says "View Source" It'll make Notepad pop up and it will have the HTML coding of the site you're looking at. That's how I found out the very little HTML I know.

Three: Never EVER ask Andy how to do something on Woohu. He won't answer and it'll just put you on his "People that annoy me" list.

For setting up backgrounds on your journal, look at the stupid Woohu forums. That's what they're there for. DO EXACTLY WHAT ANDY TELLS YOU. DON'T BE AN IDIOT AND ASSUME YOU KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT. DO EXACTLY WHAT HE SAYS.

For putting pictures in your journal, refer, once again, to the Woohu forums. THAT IS WHAT IT'S THERE FOR, SMURF IT.

Don't you dare ask another question unless you've exhausted all the resources. This is the internet for goodness sake. If it doesn't show up when you google it, it doesn't exist.

Also, webmonkey's HTML cheatsheet is pretty good if you forget how to do something. And I'm not saying that just because it has monkey in its name.

Or am I?

I haven't updated much of my life in here lately because...I don't know why really. Because it's been the same old thing.

I love you all.

9 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 25 October :: 12.21am
:: Mood: lethargic
:: Music: Sous la lune by Paris Combo

...sous la lune....
I downloaded that cow song, Kelly.

I think they're playing a trumpet underwater in this song.

Je t'adore.

Um. What was I going to talk about?

Oh, yes. Because I want to be truthful with everyone and because I do not want you to find out from anyone else, I shall tell you why my arm is red.

Last night I was really sad for various reasons...blah blah blah...and I scratched it. Yup.

That's all I think. I'm feeling very...I don't know...spiritual.

Psalm 23

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

My cup overflows.

I love you.

5 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 25 October :: 12.05am
:: Mood: annoyed

Just realize that I know how...you feel now...
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

Are you crying?

:: 2003 24 October :: 11.42pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Make Friends with Time by Last Days of April

How I hate all the arms...around my throat till I choke...breathe in and breathe out
I chugged some kool-aid that I "modified" with some sugar so I was really hyper. Now I'm tired.

I was popping keys off of the keyboard because they were dirty (once you pop, you just can't stop) and the "End" key flew somewhere.

I felt really bad about it so once I finished talking to Ben I called up my mom and said I lost it.

She found it in the space between the CPU and the floor.

It took her less than a minute.

Bah.

And I guess Lil Ben's meeting with that one chick didn't go that well.

Well, I have some thinking to do. I'll update more in a few.

I love you all.

Are you crying?

:: 2003 24 October :: 7.35pm

Currently in the process of processing an attempt to make a stab at maybe trying to suceed at writing a story
Yes.

I am writing a story about a girl. Her father is a rapist and he sexually abuses her.

I think it's off to a relatively good start.

Relatively.

I started off with a poem. I'll continue it whenever I can. It's on Fiction Press if you really want to find out how she deals with it.

Mlee updated her LOTR story so I'm off to check it out.

I hope you enjoy my first chapter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Feeling his hands touch me.

Again.

Grabbing, searching, yearning.

Seeing his eyes glint greedily as he finds what he's looking for.

Screaming, yelling, crying.

No one can hear me. The music drowns out all hopes and fears.

Blasting through the house.

It�s not my house.

I�m on the floor stuck beneath him.

It�s not my floor.

Fighting, struggling, praying.

I give up.

Again.

Letting him take me. Letting him take all I am. He takes all I have left to stand for and leaves me as an empty shell.

Broken, bruised, bleeding.

I'm dying here all alone.

The music still blares as he cries into the night.

As my blood soaks the carpet and the tears run down my cheeks.

This time it doesn�t stop.

He�s gone and I am here.

On that white, white carpet.

The blood soaks the carpet around my legs and runs out of room to spread.

My tears turn to blood, soaking under my neck, flowing into my hair.

I scream.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

:: 2003 24 October :: 4.22pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: All These Things by Benton Falls

Was I too eager? Or love you too much?...I love you too much...
Just a song and bzoink! entry. That's it. Skip it if you want to, I guess.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I promise that I won't fall down
I promise that I won't skin my knee
Like you promised you'd always be around
To take good care of me

And I remember
You standing behind that white picket fence
With a white peaked face
Trying hard to embrace my youth
Before it escapes
Before it's too late
Clutching the fence she said
"How have I hurt you?
What have I done?
Did I desert you?
Or spite with my tongue?
Was I too eager?
Or love you too much?
I love you too much"

And now that I'm all grown
I'm feeling so alone
Why have you brought me here?

You say all these things I say
But it's not the same
I'm feeling so alone today
Alone and numb
I'll ice my thoughts
I'll ice my mind for now

It's not your fault
You did what you could do
For this I will love you for always
You hold my heart and my tiny hand
Thank you for all these things
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

+ Basics +
Are you emotional :: Yes
Do songs make you cry? If so, name a few :: Yes...Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon...Sad Like Winter Leaves by Benton Falls...Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls...Ashes by Socialburn
What about moves :: moves? As in moving? Or did you mean movies, Andy-kun? Either way, yes.
What emotion do you usually feel :: happiness or joy
+ Sadness +
What does it take to make you cry your heart out :: Not a whole lot
How many times have you done that :: A lot more than I wished to
Where do you cry :: In my room...on my bed...my head on my pillow...music blaring...or curled up on the floor
Do you hate crying :: No, I love it
Do you like it when others cry :: No
Do you think tears make eyes look pretty :: Yes
Who looks goo when they cry :: Goo? wow, Andy. You need to look this over. Um, I can't say anyone does...just their eyes
How else do you express sadness :: Tears
Are you sad all the time :: Not normally
+ Anger +
What does it take to make you mad :: A lot
What do you do when you're angry :: Cry
How short is your temper :: Very
How long does it take you to calm down :: Five seconds and my good friend Ghandi
What's the worst thing you've done when you were mad :: Scratched my arm...scratched my sister's arm
Do you freak out when others are angry :: Yes...*cough* Kristy *cough*
Has anyone ever recommended anger management to you :: Not yet
What's the worst thing someone's done to make you mad :: The infamous dead body stunt.
Do you anger people :: I try not to but I probably do.
+ Joy +
How often are you happy :: Almost always.
What makes you happy :: Myself.
What do you do when you're happy :: Smile.
How optimistic are you :: Very.
Do happy people make you mad :: No.
What's the worst thing someone can do while they're happy :: Diss people...label people...
Ever been so happy you were dying to tell everyone :: Yes.
Ever been so happy you cried :: No.
Do you smile a lot :: Yes.
Kiss people a lot:: Not really.
Who really makes you happy :: Me.
Do you like doing things for people when you're happy :: Yes. I like doing things for people when I'm sad too.
+ Fear +
What do you do when you're scared :: Cry.
What scares you :: Moving...not knowing what's coming...not knowing what to do...
Do you like scaring people :: No.
Do you like the trill of being frightened :: No, I think that's quite stupid.
Does fear accompany anger in your case :: No.
Ever been so scared you couldn't breathe :: Yes.
How often do you panic :: I used to a lot. I don't so much anymore unless I'm stressed.
What's the one thing that scared you more than anything else EVER :: That big storm we had a while ago. It was when I was in fifth grade I think. Oh, and sometimes when I think about dying or my friends dying.
What do you do to calm your nerves :: Breathe...listen to music...cry
Do rollercoasters scare you :: No. Well, I've only been on one so I can't say.
+ The strongest emotion +
What song never fails to get your strongest emotions going :: Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon...Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls...24 by Switchfoot and On Fire by Switchfoot.
Movie :: Amelie...Rudy...
Commericial :: I don't watch TV
Person :: I wouldn't know...
Thing :: I wouldn't know...
Sight :: Sunset...sunrise...a rainbow...rain
Sound :: Je ne sais pas
Food :: Heh
Thing you're looking forward to/want :: Inner peace
+ What do you do +
When the emotion suck :: An "s" there would be dandy but okay...Ano, I cry.
When the emotion rocks :: I smile.
When there's no emotion :: I cry.
+ Would you rather +
Never feel again :: No.
Feel loneliness or anger for the rest of your life :: Yes.
Be happy forever and never experience bad times :: No because then I'd never know it.
Cause misery :: No.
Feel misery :: Yes.
Be alone :: Depends.
Be with everyone you know :: Depends.
+ Who +
Cheers you up more than anyone else :: Myself.
Angers you more than anyone else :: Myself.
Scares you more than anyone else :: Myself.
Makes you think about your emotions more than anyone else :: God.
Makes you really care about how they feel and what they think :: Nobody.

Emotions brought to you by BZOINK!

I love you all.

Are you crying?

:: 2003 23 October :: 11.01pm

why are the things you want to forget the easiest to remember?

Are you crying?

:: 2003 23 October :: 6.09pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Sad Like Winter Leaves by Benton Falls

This song makes tears fall down my cheeks
Tired
He stood in line at the grocery store
A bottle of wine and nothing more
An empty apartment to go home to
It'd been that way since nineteen seventy-two

A line on his face for every year she'd missed
A scar on his arm for every time he tried to follow her
A tear in his eye for every day gone by
Going home to no one and still you could hear him cry

If I brought you down
If I caused you to drown

He's sad like winter leaves
But she won't leave his mind tonight
He stares upon her picture on the wall
And then begins to cry

Let it go
Let it go
Let it go
Let it go

He wakes to the sunrise
A broken glass upon the floor
The salt dried upon his cheeks
We've seen this all before

Let it go
Let it go
Let it go
Let it go

I love you all.

Are you crying?

:: 2003 23 October :: 5.27pm

You get to suffer through quotes from an interview with Gabe and Tycho of Penny Arcade.

Or you could skip it if you want to be that way. I found it funny.

(*^(*#&(%&)(#*@)(*@)(&%&()~&()&~(&)(~&(_**_@*)($@*)(~*)_~*_)*(#)!*()$&(*&

When will you release the next book? And if one is not planned why don't you just put all the comics on a DVD viewable as photo gallerys. Then you could have commentary and a making of video, or day in the life of PA feature.

Gabriel: We are actually in the middle of a heated legal battle over the first book. We had a little disagreement with the publisher. We thought he should pay us and he thought he should keep all the money and move to Alaska.

Tycho: I have nothing to add to that. He has accurately described the situation.

You once mentioned you get sued monthly. How often does Penny Arcade REALLY get sued and how often are the charges serious? (from Tombrazelton)

Gabriel: In our Five years of making comics I'd say we've only had two or three serious legal issues we had to deal with.

Tycho: Serious, as in, we required the services of a lawyer to resolve them. These days, we've started actually reading the contracts before we sign them, which I think will help.

What ever happened to the [girl] who owned pennyarcade.com? Why don't you guys buy that domain from whoever owns it now?

Gabriel: The people who are in control of that domain are crazy. We have had all kinds of conversations with them and I honestly believe they are insane.

Tycho: The original owner died, actually. That's not black humor or something, I mean she's actually dead. Maybe that domain is bad luck.

Do you two ever have differences over what to do the comic on? If so, how often, and who usually wins?

Gabriel: Every so often that happens. We each have the power to veto an idea if we don't like it. I may think something is super funny but if Tycho says no then we drop it or try and rework it. The same goes for me. He's always coming up with stupid shit and I have to tell him to throw it away.

Tycho: It's all true. Often I will want to do a bad comic, and he will insist that we do a good one instead.

I love Penny Arcade!!!

Are you crying?

:: 2003 23 October :: 12.06am
:: Mood: Determined

Just incase anyone actually decides they care, I'm joining the army. I've thought about it, and decided that this is my path, my road to be what I want in life. I am already being bitched at about it, so if that's what you intend to do, then kiss my ass and go to hell. I don't want to hear it. I've made up my mind, and nobody will change it. I hope you guys choose to support me in my desicion, but I don't know who I can count on anymore, so oh well. I've got me, and that's about the only one who will always be there... Wether I want to be or not. I guess I should stop depending on anyone else from now on, since I'll be leaving you all soon anyways. Should anyone choose to respond to this, a phone call would be much preferred to posting on this, since I can hardly ever get online.
Take care
Enjoy life
Be happy
I Miss You All

:: 2003 22 October :: 9.06pm
:: Music: Dream to Make Believe by Armor for Sleep

...I wake up and think dreams are real...I sleep so I don't have to feel...
I just met Andy! BOOYAKA! I MET THE GENIUS BEHIND WOOHU! I must mark my calendar now...

Heh, Beno�t came over too. He just had gone over to D&W to buy pop or something and decided to stop by.

Hn. Lil Ben says hickeys take an hour to show.

If you gave me a hickey, Ben, I swear...

Anyway. I met Andy. Yes. I gave him a hug too. I don't think I'll shower for a few days ;p I also got a Woohu sticker. I think I'll donate to Woohu and get lots and lots of stickers or something.

It is an awesome sticker.

I think that's all.

I love you all.

5 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 22 October :: 7.51pm

I keep trying to shrug it off....

because maybe if I keep doing it...

I'll start to believe that I really don't care...

Are you crying?

:: 2003 22 October :: 5.22pm

Letting go is my life
I'll be on my way

Are you crying?

:: 2003 21 October :: 10.37pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: Pointless Forever by Armor for Sleep

And you can't deny that I'll be the one mistake you carry forever
Yeah.

I have a lot of things to talk about but I'm in a 'Rachel sucks and maybe that knife looks a little friendly' mood so I'd rather not go into details.

No worries. I'm not planning on slicing my arm unless I find a reason.

If things keep going as they are, I might not have to. But people can change their minds quickly.

Hmm. Looks to be another cry yourself to sleep night. Last night didn't work out too well. I fell asleep before I could manage to think about things.

I really hate these moods swings I get into.

I feel like not good stuff but there's no one around or awake that I feel I can spill my guts to.

Ah, so I fall again.

I can't help anymore. Seems like my job is over. I've been fired.

I'm going to have to find something else I'm good at since I no longer can suceed in that area.

I'm good at crying.

Sounds like a good idea.

What do you think of Mexicans?: They're good with soy sauce.
Jews?: We're studing Judaism in World Religions and I must say I love Jews.
Do you like Canada?: Yessir, I do.
I just got my own way, instead of you getting yours. Are you pissed?: No. You're discriminating against my way only because it's mine.
Does Britney Spears turn you on?: HA! That's like saying "Does that keyboard make you feel a little horny?"
Have you ever gotten suspended or expelled from school?: No. I'm an angel.
If so, what for?: ---
If you had to,would you kill the love of your life, or 30 strangers?: How about...no
What's better? An amusement park or a water park?: Both. Wait. I wouldn't know.
Do you like cats?: I love cats. J'adore les chats.
Kruisenga's an ass, isn't he?: Who?
On a scale of 1-10, how much do you like your parents?: Is one low or high? Either way, I don't like my parents, I love them.
What do you think of retards?: They're normal people like you.
What do you think of fat people?: They're normal people not like me. I wish I was fatter.
Fire = yum: YES! FIRE! Wait...does that say 'yum'? What have you been drinking? Since when is fire a food?

Your opinions and such. brought to you by BZOINK!

I love you all...whether you care or not.

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 21 October :: 6.38pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: Pas Si Simple from Amelie

Pas si simple (not that simple)...the name of my journal, too...
SMURF YEAH!

I know the birthday of every single person on my friends list I do believe. I double checked it and if you had your birthday in your profile, then I know it.

Heh.

Now who has a birthday coming up/before this year ends?

Let's see...

October - 28:1i1y,
November � 1:Aerii, 8:Beno�t, 20:Tom
December � 7: tadilau, 19:Brett

Yup. If you didn't put up your birthday in your profile, I missed it/have it wrong and it's coming up or even came and I have it wrong, please tell me.

I love you all.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

:: 2003 21 October :: 6.29am

I try to say something right and I mess things up.

I can't even help people anymore.

Smurfing...

I don't know what to do.

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

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