godessalthena
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2009 18 February :: 6.25pm
i feel so much better than i did a few days ago.
i'm really tired though..
and i'm sick of work already..
but i bought some special treats with a gift card today!
so i'm happy.
<3
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angel_bob
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2009 17 February :: 10.10am
This semester I need 11 credits. I am taking 12 to be full time. I only have one required course left. It is, of course, the one course I cannot be on time to, ever attend or do the homework for.
I am hoping I snap out of this soon. This weekend I need to finish up my incompletes from last semester so I can get out of here on time. I also need to CLEP my French credits still.
I am lazy.
3 loves |
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godessalthena
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2009 16 February :: 7.24pm
FRIENDS PLEASE READ
ok.
i don't hate anyone. (except that fucking asshat dennis. sus would like to say hi.)
and i don't want anyone to move out.
i'm sorry if what i've been saying has been hurting anyone's feelings.
i don't think anyone involved understands why i was upset.
so you don't have to leave me alone.
JUST STOP SAYING THAT I HATE YOU AND I WANT YOU OUT OF MY LIFE.
because it IS NOT TRUE. and if you listened to me you'd understand that.
i'm sorry i've been being a shitty friend, but i need to put myself first or i will seriously HONEST TO GOD NO JOKE kill myself before august.
and i'm being completely serious.
so Lauren:
i don't hate you.
i don't think you ever "bother" me.
and I don't want you out of my life.
I just want you to understand I am going to be a shitty friend until i get a few paychecks under my belt and start rebuilding my credit.
to all of you:
the same applies as above.
i really hope it sinks in that i do love you, i just need some time to love myself right now before i slice my wrists open and bleed out in a warm bath tub. I AM BEING SERIOUS.
so. i love you. if you want to talk to me i'm here. i usually have my phone.
i'm unavailable monday thru friday @ 8am to 930am, 945am to 12pm, 1230pm to 230pm and 245pm to 430pm.
at any times not mentioned i am not in training and i can respond to calls or txts about anything you need or want to talk about.
again. I DO NOT WANT YOU OUT OF MY LIFE. I WOULD SIMPLY LIKE SOME UNDERSTANDING. as i will do for you if you explain what's going on.
if any of you are still confused about what i'm trying to say, please DO NOT HESITATE TO ASK ME ANY QUESTION AND I WILL ANSWER HONESTLY. and i will not blow up.
I PROMISE I WILL NOT BLOW UP.
(bold is for emphasis, not blowing up.)
i love you all. (except the douchebag named dennis)
<3 amelia
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godessalthena
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2009 11 February :: 6.27pm
i did my taxes wrong..
go me.
i'm so insanely stressed out.. i just want to crawl into a hole and never see anyone again.
but the nice thing is i'm too exhausted to really care about how stressed out i am.
i just really.. wish.. i never moved back to this black hole. i hate the people, i hate the boringness, the extreme weather, the music scene.. just everything about this place screams either boring or decay.
everything feels like an uphill battle.. i can't even sleep at night..
what's worse is i don't feel like i have any privacy anymore.. and the secrets i have.. (or rather had) are all out on the fucking table for everyone to look at with their fucking prying eyes..
i never thought i could feel like such a piece of meat.. but here it is..
me.
a big bloody mess.
and everyone poking their dirty fingers in it.
2 loves |
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godessalthena
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2009 10 February :: 9.23pm
so.. much.. stress..
and drama..
and i don't want to sound mean, but this is why i push people away..
i have so much on my mind, i don't need to have people whispering about me, even if it's nothing mean..
my bank keeps stealing my money and ruined my valentine's day.
my job makes me hate being myself.
i'm so.. just.. stressed out.
and i can't even cry without it being a big deal where only one person who hears about it actually tries to comfort me.
...
....
yeah...
idk..
can i give up yet?
2 loves |
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aerii
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2009 8 February :: 2.32pm
That's honestly the lamest excuse I've ever heard.
1 love |
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godessalthena
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2009 8 February :: 11.45am
i love music.
tomorrow is my first day at work and i'm terrified.
but w/e i'll live.
i just hate new social situations.
did you know i cried every time on the first day of school until i was 15ish?
that's how much i love meeting new people.
valentine's day is soon and even though i don't have any money to do something nice, sus will love his present.
and it will be a good day finally.
i'm tired.. and stressed.. and my medicine makes me so bi polar it isn't funny.
and! we're already on season 3 of battlestar and that's no good :( that means soon we won't have anymore to watch and we'll have to wait to watch it every week.. UGGGHH and with commercials.. GOD.
haha..
w/e
8 loves |
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aerii
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2009 7 February :: 10.55pm
holy jesus fucking shit fuck.
LSDJFOWEJRLSKDJFOSDIjflskdfjoSDF
LJSOdifjoaskdfjlasdkfjlsdkfjsoafiejaslkdf
I think I pee'd a little...
Oh my god, today might be the best day of my life.
5 loves |
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angel_bob
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2009 6 February :: 12.21am
My sister turns 18 later this month. I feel old.
We're both graduating this year. Crazy.
1 love |
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aerii
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2009 5 February :: 4.40pm
Uh
I found 20 dolla.
stokage.
1 love |
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godessalthena
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2009 4 February :: 5.21pm
i hate how everday, i step out of the shower and i see myself and the first thought i have is "oh my god, who is that ugly woman?!"
2 loves |
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godessalthena
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2009 4 February :: 2.48pm
i hate this.
i hate how i always feel like utter shit.
no matter what.
and nothing can fix it.
and i'm a total bitch to everyone
and all i can think about is dying or eating.
i just want to cry.
i hate my life sometimes.
mostly because i make my life a living hell.
i don't want my birthday to come.
i don't want anything to come.
i just want to crawl in a hole and fall asleep forever.
then i wouldn't offend anyone.
or hurt anyone's feelings..
or anything.
i would do nothing.
4 loves |
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angel_bob
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2009 31 January :: 3.04pm
:: Mood: bitchy
Dear Life (formerly of The Cereal, now Comma My),
Thank you for the awesome birthday week. It was great to have dinner with my parents at a delicious Indian restaurant and I'm glad you let me drag Nick along while he suffered through the terminal stages of Extended Man Cold™.
I am blessed to have awesome friends that wished me a happy birthday all week long. Although work has become super lame since you decided my favorite kid needed to get fired and you brought my arch-nemesis back from Spain, it was great to have to work on my birthday and celebrate with the people I have been stuck with for the past four years. You made me look forward to graduation and leaving this town so much more!
I've got to say though, the coolest part of this birthday week has to be all the plans you decided weren't awesome enough to actually work! Instead of going ice skating with my boyfriend, you gave him a cold and death cough for a week and a half more -- just long enough for him to be whiny, unbearable and asleep by eight o'clock every night of my birthday week. It was also really nice of you to give my roommate a great car, tempt us with a Sonic located closer to us and then decide that her car needed a new alternator the day before the planned trip, trapping us at my school for an hour and a half longer than we really wanted to be there. That was great.
I have one thing to thank you for though. For my birthday weekend, I will pay rent, pay all overdue bills (most likely on my own) and get a haircut then be unable to eat or do anything for the rest of the week. Thank you so much! This is even better than the time you tempted me with seeing the friends I hadn't seen since May and then decided that all six backup plans wouldn't work. And I thought that was awesome. Oh man, I didn't even know you were going to get me a birthday present!
I guess I wanted to just say thanks. Now I know that I really should never plan anything ever again.
However, if you want to come to my graduation, I was just planning on becoming poor and homeless afterward. I don't need a new car, we only need one door to be able to open really and who doesn't love scraping off the outside and inside of the car? I also was just planning on staying in Michigan and never getting a job with my bachelor's degree. Maybe I should plan on drowning in all my debt? Alone? Because I'm planning on never being engaged or married and I never truly wanted kids.
If you want to ruin those plans, go ahead.
Love,
Rachel
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aerii
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2009 30 January :: 6.48am
This weekend should prove be interesting.
One for the history books, so to speak..
Ahaha.
I wote a bitchin' paper on "Hills like White Elephants" by Earnest Hemmingway.
You should read that story btw.
It is also pretty bitching.
I've got to get back to outlining a shitty rough draft for my psych class :S
1 love |
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aerii
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2009 29 January :: 5.35pm
"These days, living alone in Spokane, I wish I lived closer to the river, to the falls where ghosts of salmon jump. I wish I could sleep. I put down my paper or book and turn off all the lights, lie quietly in the dark. It make take hours, even years, for me to sleep again. There's nothing surprising or disappointing in that.
I know how all my dreams end anyway."
4 loves |
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godessalthena
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2009 29 January :: 5.11pm
things are looking up.
i'm insanely sick, i sound like i've been smoking for 30 years non stop and i can't breathe..
but man, brooke has a job and i have a job and rent is seemingly paid!
that means, with my next paycheck i might be able to go on a date (my first date since sometime in september) man i am excited!
and i didn't even need to talk to my parents..
yay!
well.. i don't really have much to say.. but i'm excited that things are going ok.
and that i'm not dead yet.
woo
....
......
i cannot fucking wait to move back to seattle.
1 love |
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angel_bob
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2009 28 January :: 12.08am
AT 9:25 AM (8:25 AM CST) I WILL BE 22 YEARS AWESOME!
I LOVE YOU ALL!
4 loves |
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angel_bob
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2009 25 January :: 3.52am
Hey.
So.
Nick needs a paintball gun.
Tips?
I do not want to spend a lot of money. He's just going to play with people at work once it warms up.
If it is ever not winter again.
Does he need protective gear? I know nothing about this...thing.
Thanks.
I love you kids.
7 loves |
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godessalthena
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2009 24 January :: 3.35pm
Man, emotional rollercoaster.
it was so nice to see and hang out with my family.
i can't wait.. until things are happy and better again.
i hate how things are sometimes.
i also hate how i am so easy to read.
and how well i wear emotions on my face.
because honestly, i thought i was doing a good job not looking like i was crying or dying on the inside.
oh well haha..
I got a job. Making $12.75 an hour. soooo yeah! happiness.
3 loves |
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aerii
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2009 24 January :: 11.12am
I'm not worried.
It feels good.
2 loves |
<3
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angel_bob
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2009 22 January :: 1.28am
My birthday week began today (Wednesday) and will continue through the end of the month because it's my birthday week and I say so.
I don't know if everything will go as planned but here's the outline (which will completely change now that I've said it):
Wednesday - THE BIRTHDAY
Dinner with my parents and Nick at some restaurant that I haven't chosen yet. I'm wavering between two Indian restaurants and Chinese food.
Sometime later that week
Ice skating at Patterson ice center/rink down the street. This is the ice skating rink I met Nick at. I got ice skates for Christmas and I've wanted to go back to there for a while now.
At some point Nick's family wants to get together at Jess' house but I haven't heard anything about that in a while.
Friday, Saturday or Sunday
Mini road trip to the new Sonic in Kalamazoo!
Monday or Tuesday the week after next
Logan's with roomies.
I am pumped.
P.S. Nick mentioned that when Obama leaves office we will both be 30. I mentioned that we will also be married and have one or more child. We both commenced freakouts.
6 loves |
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aerii
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2009 21 January :: 3.06pm
I don't get it.
Would you please explain yourself?
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godessalthena
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2009 19 January :: 11.45am
so...
i need to ask my parents for help.
or else my bills and credit card payment will be around a month late.
and that is all of my bills. like.. power, cable and phone.
but!
I cannot ask them for help.
do you know why?
because ever single time i ask them for anything it turns into a huge lecture about how it's my fault that i'm in this situation and that i'm a petulant child and i shouldn't have done it in the first place.
which really isn't a good lecture.
or one that i listen to anymore.
so i'd rather ruin my credit and what not than acutally ask for help..
how sad :(
i cannot wait to move back to seattle and settle there and live my life..
i just want to make it to 24 so I can get loans and start my life.
i really just need to make it the next four and a quarter years.
then i can really do it on my own.
so i guess at this point it's time for me to sit back and enjoy my life until i'm able to get it started.
4 loves |
<3
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godessalthena
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2009 17 January :: 10.28am
I have an interview on Monday! Which I'm super excited about, but also very nervous about. I can barely remember individual incidences of my customer service because I talked to so many people every day! :/
But if I get this job I would be soooo happy! 14 weeks of training! Starting wage of at least $12! And a chance to transfer to the same job in Seattle! I can't really imagine a better job. And it's all inbound calls.. man.. I really hope I do well!
The one downside is it doesn't start until the 9th of Feburary.. :/ Which means I wouldn't get paid until the 4th week of Feburary :/ Which means I still will have bills and rent and stuff that I don't have money for.
Stupid economy. I wish I could have just stayed in Seattle and saw a doctor there instead of having to move over here. Grr...
Oh well..
Maybe this year I'll be an independant since last year I provided over 51% of my own income. Then I can get loans and go to the school I want to and get the career I want. Wouldn't that be grand?
HAHAHA like that's going to happen.
1 love |
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angel_bob
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2009 15 January :: 10.24pm
KHAAAAAN!!!
I don't know what to do with myself. It's like when Kurt Vonnegut died all over again.
Sigh.
1 love |
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godessalthena
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2009 15 January :: 11.41am
well...
i really don't know what to say.
i'm really just practicing typing to make sure i can still type since i don't do it all that much anymore.
i'm watching a show on history channel about drugs. and it is so ridiculous what the government ignores because it's a bunch of old rich farts who have everything they need to be happy and what to make life shitty for those who are poor. for example: in the eightys many many therapists were using estacy for therapy in couples with marrige issues and having great success. then someone decided to sell it to bars. and because of that, there was a court hearing about whether or not the drug should be banned. the judge ruled there was no proof that it should be made illict and ruled to keep e legal. the federal government didn't like that and over ruled the judge, forever banning e and any future studies of it.
totally fricken retarded.
w/e old farts.
i'm sooooo done with winter. and i'm soooooooo done with being unemployed.
god this sucks.
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godessalthena
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2009 14 January :: 12.22pm
it's funny how fast things can get better.
espcially with a little honesty.
i need to stop being so afraid all the tine.
life is worth living.
it's just hard to remember at times.
<3
3 loves |
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aerii
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2009 12 January :: 2.43pm
i want to do arts and crafts.
3 loves |
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godessalthena
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2009 11 January :: 11.32pm
this really sucks there is so much stress in my life.
and my head is so messed up.
i hate the way my life is moving right now.
and i hate how it's been moving for the last year really.
last two years..
three years.
since junior year in highschool i have really disliked how i've been taking my life.
no choices i make seem to be right.
nothing is making me happy enough that i can sleep well at night.
things are just piling up and it's my fault.
and i hate it.
i hate a lot of things right now.
and i wish i could just stop for a while and pretend like i don't exist.
but that's impossible.
and life has to suck for it to get better.
bleh
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godessalthena
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2009 6 January :: 1.51pm
oh man last night was fun.
oh man i want to get a new job.
oh man i really need to find a couch before the party.
ooohhh man i want some salmon sushi..
and some smoked salmon and cream cheese..
oh man that sounds good.
why do i love fish sooo much??
i can't wait to see my frijoles on saturday!
8 loves |
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