xsilentxsuicidex
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2004 3 December :: 4.37pm
:: Mood: Blee?
:: Music: Anti Flag- Turncoat.
Well, it was a better day. This morning Taylor, Marcus and I all showed up at the exact same time. "You know what this means, right? We were meant to face the world together until the end of time!" Hah. <3 them. Mr. Riel told us how great we were... Did a worksheet with Zach in Yeoman's class... Some black dude stole money from me... and generally, I'm scared shitless of black people... I'm not racist, I just don't really like being jumped by like five of them. But Shiyana told on him. XD I won't be getting my money back, though. *fumes* I'm not even sure how much it was, though. There was change from when my sister went shopping. (=/ I guess I'll have to get over it.) Read a book in Mrs. Johnson's class. Failed a test in Mr. Moore's... Finished my project in Ms. Connor's, and got bitched at by Mrs. Glasgow.
Just because she has sand in her vagina, she shouldn't take it out on our class. For fucking laughing at something.
James and Taylor are joining chorus. =) Yayy. Should be fun-ness. 2 more guys. Bass and tenor I'm assuming.
Can't wait til Sunday. I'll update later or something.
Carly's gone... ;_; I miss her already.
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--Your Favorite--
Hair Color:: I prefer darker.
Eye Color:: Blue.
(Their)Music Genre Preference:: Uhm, it doesn't matter to me really. As long as they aren't hardcore country fans, I'm alright.
Height(estimate):: Taller than me?
Age:: Around the same age. (Or 17, haha Keely)
Personality Type:: They need to be able to make me laugh.
--This or That--
Older or Younger:: Older :)
Romantic or Horndog:: Romantic. (I'm a girl. What the Hell did you expect?)
Smart or Stupid:: Both, ha.
Fat or Skinny:: It doesn't matter to me.
Skinny but Muscular or Big and Muscular:: I don't care too much.
Punk or Preppy:: Punk, I suppose. I <3 little emo boys, though.
The Big Picture or the Little Things:: Little things.
Flowers/Candy or Big Expensive Present:: I don't need either.
Mixtape or Burned CD:: Either.
Love or Lust:: Both.
Emotional or Just Not:: Emotional.
Sincere or Jokester:: Both.
Hott and mean or Ugly and sweet:: Ugly and sweet.
Sexy or Just "cute":: *shrugs* It ain`t a thang, niqqa.
Arse or Abs:: ARSE!!! ...and abs :)
Hair or Hands:: I <3 long haired boys. And girls. :)
Dimples or Eyes:: Eyes. Eyes. Eyes. Eyes.
Biceps or Calves/Thighs:: Biceps.
Teeth or Nose(some people are just wierd) :: Eh, it doesn't matter too much.
Clean Shaven or Scruffy:: Scruffy would annoy the shit out of me.
Rugged or Prim and Proper:: Eh...
Countryboy or Cityboy:: Either. Just as long as they don't have a country accent, I'm down.
Date alone or With Friends: *shrugs*
Mama's Boy or Rebel Without A Cause:: Both, ha.
--Have You Ever--
Dumped a guy because he liked you too much:: Uhm, actually...
Loved a guy because he stalked you:: Naw.
Loved a guy because he hated you:: Well, it made me like him more?
Asked your friend's crush out:: No. Well, once. But she was telling me to, and wouldn't leave me alone until I did. He said no anyways.
Lead a guy on for kicks:: Nope.
Asked a guy out purely because he was hott:: No.
Flirted with guys even though you had a boyfriend:: No.
Lied about not having a boyfriend:: No. I've only had 2 boyfriends, and they don't really count.
Lied about having one:: Well, once to this stalker guy.
Cheated:: No.
Been Cheated on:: Kind of.
Had a crush on a gay guy:: Heh.
--Their Clothing(yes/no)--
Boxers?:: Uhm...
Briefs?:: Whatever floats their boat.
Hat?:: Most of the time.
Skater Shoes?:: Yes. Or converse :)
Pimp Shoes?:: ...Pimp shoes?
Band Shirts?:: Hawt. Unless they're dumb bands. Like Good Charlotte or something.
Vintage shirts?:: Totally 80's, dude!
Southpole/um..other thug clothes..?:: Johnnn! Wigga, please.
Dixie Outfitters/Big Johnsons?:: What the...
Independent/DC?:: I don't like DC so much. Their shoes suck. They're too expensive and they fall apart really easily.
Skavenger/UGP?:: ...
Fox/Thor?:: I don't care much about clothing.
Jeans or Shorts?:: Jeans.
--Be Honest--
Would you ever date a guy for his money?:: Nope.
Would you ever date a guy for his social status?:: Nope.
Have you ever liked hanging out with your bf's friends more than him?:: What the Hell? I'm confused.
Have you ever pretended to like somebody to make them feel better?: Er, no. I don't believe I have.
Have you called a girl a whore, when you were screwing lots of guys?:: Oh yeah let me tell you. I was banging 6 guys at once, and I called this one girl up and called her a whore. (Note to the slow: sarcasm is your friend)
Do looks matter?:: Well, if you've seen the guys I've gone out with, then you know that's a big N-O.
Are you honestly scared of being dumped?:: No. Not really.
Does size matter?:: Not really, because I'm not banging people yet. Ha.
Do you avoid 'situations' with ugly guys?:: What do you mean by "situations"? (No, I don't avoid ugly guys. Unless it's Wade or Tim. Ew.)
Are you ashamed to be seen with your ugly friends?:: No.
Are you ashamed for being ashamed?(you better be):: I wasn't ashamed in the first place.
Do you hide things from your crushes/guy friends/bf?:: Uh, no. Nothing important.
Do you lie about masturbation for attention or false innocence?:: No.
Do you really want a guy to say if those jeans make your butt look fat?:: No...
Are you dissapointed when your bf doesn't say I love you right away?:: No.
Wanna be a virgin till marriage?: Uh, I guess that'd kind of be neat, but I doubt it.
Do you really love the guys everytime that you say it?: Yeah. Loving someone and being in love are two different things.
Do you dream about your crushes/bfs/guy friends?:: Yeah. Alot.
Would you makeout with a guy friend just to get it over with/curiosity?:: Been there. Done that.
Does this survey suck nuts?: Monkey nuts!
Yes, I'm bored.
No, don't complain. Bitches.
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Curiousity screams
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ImUgly
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2004 2 December :: 5.52pm
:: Music: no one knows(queens of the stone age)
f u
i have a really really long post i need to post. so instead of typing the whole thing, im just gonna c&p what ive already told sumone.
my parents made me quit taking violin lessons. i was supposed to have one today, and they called my teacher and told her im not taking anymore. i hate them for that. and i never wanna see them again. last night they woke me up at like 1145 to give me this stupid 2 hour lecture on how, since i have money, i should provide for myself. and then, they came up w/the great idea of not taking any lessons at all, cuz theyre not willing to invest in me anymore, that they shouldve given it all to my brother, who, out of all of us, has become the most motivated, and has never even taken a guitar lesson(and is still better than anyone out there right now). its like their cutting off my education. so i guess im not good enough for them. that 4 years of work, to them, means nothing. and i cried last night(something that doesnt happen often, only once every 6 months). and they think that i spend my days on the computer or watching tv. well how would they know that when theyre not home half the time? plus, we dont even have tv, so how is that possible?! yesterday i spent 2 1/2 hours trying to write an essay on a question that makes no sense at all. see, taking away violin lessons would be a good thing for them to do if they wanted to kill me. last night i woke up 5 times crying, cuz music is the reason i live, and if you take it away, what is there to do but die? of course, i can still play, but they cant expect me to get anywhere with it. so really...if you look at it hard...theyre punishing themselves.
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2004 2 December :: 4.49pm
Well, my good mood is completely gone. And the butterflies are only making me feel lonely.
About an hour after I posted last night, my dad called me and my sister downstairs. Mom was lying in bed. She was incoheirant, and I could barely understand what she was saying. She's been taking a "friend" of her's medicine. Yeah, some friend. Beside the fact that it makes her speach slurred, and completely not understandable, she takes it with alcohol, which is really dangerous.
She's been drinking more, and smoking about a pack a day. I'm afraid to get in the car with her behind the wheel. She's under the influence of something everyday when she picks me up from school. I remember about 2 months ago. She'd cut down sooo much. She was down to like two cigarettes a day, and she cut out drinking all together. I was so proud of her. But she's just let herself be influenced again.
This morning, we had a 3 hour chorus practice. I cried when we were out in the seats. A bunch of preps saw me. They thought it was because I got bumped off the solo...
I guess that's part of the reason. I just wanted to show people I was good at something. This was my one time to be recognized. But instead, he gave it to a seventh grader, who gets recognized for her swimming acheivements all the time.
Carly, my wonderful sister... I look up to her so much. I wanted her to hear me. I was going to put my whole heart into that few seconds of singing, but of course, that just won't happen.
All day, there were tears in my eyes. Once again, my chance to be seen was taken away... and I fear for my mother's life. There have been many times before when she's almost died because she was intoxicated. She may have to leave for rehab. A month without a mother....
Wow.
I don't see why I have to watch so many people be ruined by drugs or alcohol. No matter what I say to them, it means nothing. I can never get the message across. I've seen this happen too many times before...
Fucking tears me apart.
2 Open this door |
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2004 1 December :: 9.01pm
:: Mood: Bleh.
:: Music: Slipknot- Vermillion Pt. II
Yes, yesterday was a great day...
But to think I fooled myself into thinking everythign would automatically get better again. I am still in a slightly better mood than I usually am in, but I am dreading tomorrow.
I might get bumped off the solo. Mr. Riel says he wants some 7th graders, too. Although last year he only wanted 8th graders. Which isn't fair. We've waited our turn, just to get bumped off? No. This is really unfair.
My one chance to shine will most likely be taken away. Mr. Horrell will be there. I want him to hear me sing... (Mr. Horrell is the chorus teacher over at the High School). Why can't Mr. Riel just leave things like they were before?
Meh. I won't let it get to me.
...Or I'll try not to.
I still have those butterflies. It's weird. I have this feeling like I'm floating or something.
=) I kind of like it. Even though it makes me feel even more lonely, there's just this... nice sensation to it.
*falls back and sighs* :] Wonderful.
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2004 1 December :: 7.20am
*twirls around* I feel so uplifted right now.
I finally got a decent sleep last night. 7 hours. :)
Yesterday I sung my solo. Three times. I didn't sound wonderful, but then again, I didn't mess up. My mom, dad, and brother came to hear me. Dad was so proud of me. I'm so glad I finally did something right. I'm so happy that he has pride in me for this. I'm just overwhelmed at the fact that now I'm not just "wrong". I finally did something he approves of.
Went to the mall for Carly. She needed to get stuff for New York. So I was thinking when I walked in "I don't care if I look like shit, it's Tuesday at 7, I won't see anyone I know here." Of course, right when I turn the corner, there's John and Randy. I immediately went into my 'love struck, butterflies in stomache mode.' *sigh* It was so nice seeing them again. I didn't realize before really how beautiful John's eyes are...
Off to school now. Later, gators.
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2004 29 November :: 6.18pm
:: Mood: Twas a good Monday..
:: Music: Slipknot- The Blister Exsists
Today was a good Monday.
Chorus//Mr. Riel went with the seventh graders to the Festival of Trees. I'm going tomorrow. ; ; I desperately needed today for practicing. Oh well. Wish me luck on my solo tomorrow. ^^; I'm soooooo nervous. GAH!
Family/Consumer Science// Sucked. Bob and Rhianna are great. Jake is always covered in foam particals from art. Get that foam off your shoulders.
Science//Told the class about how people got stabbed on Thanksgiving... Also we talked about how Mrs. Johnson cleaned her collards in a bathtub with a rag. XD Wasn't too excruciating... ;P
Social Studies//Mr. Moore was in one of his flip-floppy moods. We talk about slavery too much. Rashon said that we should've asked the slaves to do the work politely, instead of saying "WORK NIGGA, WORK!!" XD I'm surprised Mr. Moore didn't get mad, hah.
Math//Sooo teh funneh. Substitute teacher-ness. We were doing our symmetry projects, but I got like nothing done. Oh well. We made sex noise, and Carlos kept yelling "Let's get naked" in a hight pitched voice. XD
Language Arts//Fat, old substitute teacher. Haha. Took 10 minutes "in the bathroom" before class. Haha. Came back, didn't do any work. Rashon got a referral so I walked her to the ISS trailer. XD Drew stuff on people's arms, then copied Alex's answers.
Sang Britney Spears in front of Mrs. North's open door. :) Talked to Jesse. He looked pretty good today. I'm still undecided on my view on him, hah. I went ninja on Taylor's ass.
So, it's been a B-E-A-UUUUTIFUL day.
2 Open this door |
Curiousity screams
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ImUgly
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2004 29 November :: 5.00pm
:: Mood: sad
im sad. i forgot what we named the fishies at fsu. the memories are fading...
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2004 28 November :: 12.20pm
:: Mood: Sleepy.
:: Music: Hawthorne Heights- Dissolve and Decay
Well, yesterday was one of those really fun days.
Went to the mall with Renee. Got Aisha's Christmas present... And some Elmo armwarmers :D. There were actual Abercrombie models at Abercrombie and they were charging money for people to get their pictures taken with them. XD I laughed at them.
Later, we had a bunch of people at the Blockade Runner (hotel) for the Flotilla (a bunch of boats with Christmas lights on them, heh.) Aisha came over at around 2 or 3, and we headed over there. We hung out in the room watching TV and eating (XD) for a few hours, then other people started showing up. Amy, Stef and Calvin came. Aisha and I went and watched Life As We Know It while the boats were going by, then we went and sat in the closet and ate pineapple. A bunch of people came in the room so we tried to be really quiet in the closet so we didn't have to explain it. Heh. I burped really loud, though. And I laughed at Aisha's joke. "What do you call a gay person in a sleeping bag?-- A fruit roll-up." There was this really hot guy in two rooms down from us. We kept seeing him around the hotel. We ran outside in the rain, and some lady bitched at us. There was this band playing down in the lobby and there were drunk old people everywhere. It was great. Then we got in the elevator, and guess who was in there! The hot guy! So we started talking to him for a bit. We asked him which boat was his favorite. His face lit up, and he accidentally blew a spit bubble when he started talking about how cool the John Deere one was, it was strangely kind of cute... Then we went back to our room and threw stuff out of the window. We were on the top story, haha. We shook up a soda and threw it down on the sidewalk. It was so cool. Later on, we were hanging out in the hall, and there was the hot guy. We started talking to him, and he came out and hung out with us. His name is Justin. He's a BMX biker. Lives in Raleigh. Heh. So we hung out for a while until some bitch with sand in her vagina came out and started yelling at us about how she had to wake up at 5 in the morning.
Aisha, Stef, Calvin, Carly and I all slept in the same room... XD It was fun.
Had breakfast, and now we're here. And I'm in desperate need of a shower.
1 Open this door |
Curiousity screams
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ImUgly
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2004 27 November :: 10.48pm
yesterday i went to the cinny w/Austin, Kelli, and Guy(cant remember his name). we saw the grudge. the movie was pretty dumb. it wasnt even scary. but hangin out was fun.
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2004 27 November :: 1.10am
:: Mood: Meh.
:: Music: Brand New- Sic Transit Gloria
You know, it's times when you're up alone at 1 in the morning that you get to thinking.
I've never really been wanted. People in general have never liked me. Never. Preschool and elementary school are supposed to be carefree days. I came home with bruises, scrapes, and bad memories. You're supposed to just be happy; Not care about what anyone else says or does. By the age of 7 I had and extremely low self-esteem. So many days went by when I came home crying. People always called me fat or ugly. Kids would push me into clover patches, and make me eat them. They'd push me down on the sidewalks. Why? I'm not sure. I dreaded going to school. Still do. My tears and screams of "I don't want to" or "Stop" never phased them. Nor did they reach the teacher's ears. This is the reason why I tend to stay away from crowded places. I fear humans. Since those days I've usually kept to myself, and never really tried to make friends with anyone, for fear that they would be like everyone else. Now things aren't quite as bad as then, but I still get made fun of occasionally. I just hate being out in public. I hate being seen.
I just hate it when people get offended when I don't want to go places with them. "Are you embarassed to be seen with me?" No. Maybe if some of you read this entry, it will clear some things up for you... But not many people read this, so I guess this was somewhat pointless.
Mijime Da.
2 Open this door |
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2004 26 November :: 7.24pm
:: Mood: Bleh.
:: Music: Hawthorne Heights- Ohio Is For Lovers
Today//Woke up at noon... Miserable. I felt sick. Sat around for a few hours. Went to the mall with Carly and Amy. Got the Hawthorne Heights CD. Cane home to get bitched at by my dad. He yelled at me. He kept blaming stuff on Michael. I was yelling so loud, there were tears in my eyes. I honestly don't know why I stick up for him. -.- I hate having fucking yelling matches with my dad. He told me I made him wish he had used a condom, and that I tear the family apart.
Don't want to get into it.
4 Open this door |
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2004 25 November :: 5.45pm
:: Mood: Tired...
:: Music: Slipknot- Vermillion Pt II
Holy shit... I love living here. It gets old always being in the house after awhile, but I love looking out the window at night and seeing the moon reflecting of the ocean.
I live for things like these.
The simple things.
Yesterday//Keely and Aisha came over! Took pics that sucked, because my webcam is shitty... But they're on my photo album now. [[ photos.yahoo.com/xeuphoricsoulx ]] We dressed up (Yes, childish, I know.) in skirts, and stuff. It was fun. I got my green knee high argyle socks and my Ninja Turtles shirt. :D Yayyy. No Dave. Mr. I'm-too-cool-for-You was not online and would not answer his phone. So he missed out on the Aisha+Keely+Dana webcam experience. XD They went home ( ;_; ) and I stayed up until almost 2am on the phone with John... Couldn't really sleep, but what else is new?
Today//Woke up at fucking 7am. That's too early for a day I don't have school. -.-;; Showered and whatnot, then got in the car and drove to Sanford... Of course my family cannot sit together in a car for 2 hours without a few arguments breaking out, but whatever. Got to my grandmother's house. She was crying. Her condition is terrible now... It's very depressing to see her always so worried. Tammy doesn't even do much to help her. All she does is make sure she takes her medicines... It hurts to see my Grandma how she is. She's sooo weak and you can like see her bones through her skin. It was nice seeing all my family down in the south though, heh. Went to Judy's and saw Lea and Tyler. Was nice... Got in the car and drove back home... I was pretty happy. I forgot about the lonely feeling for a while... Then my brother had to hit me in the head witha bottle for singing. I usually have a high pain tolerance, but that broguth tears to my eyes. Just got home. Head still hurts.
Happy Thanksgiving.
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Long Friends Survey | Created by lovekills and taken 822 times on bzoink! | | Smartest | Probably Keely. | | Dumbest | Taylor Shaw. | | Funniest | ...All of them are pretty funny. | | Morst Boring | None of my friends are allowed to be boring. | | Most Popular | Aisha, or Taylor. | | Quiestest | Bethany. | | Loudest | Taylor. | | Laid Back | Hm... | | Outgoing | Michael. | | Sweetest | Not sure... | | Evilest | Michael. | | Prettiest | Keely. | | Ugliest | Me. | | Best Parents | | | Worst Parents | Renee. | | Best Dressed | Uh, probably Aisha. | | Worst Dressed | Dylan... XD | | Biggest Pothead | Dale. Or Christy. | | Prep | Aisha. :D | | Goth | ...KEELYYYY | | Punk | Seth or Taylor. | | Geek | Keely. "I could be doing homework right now!" | | Most Annoying | ...Most of you probably know this one, because I complain about her alll the time. | | Most Loveable | Keely. | | Sexiest | Dave :D | | Hotest | DAVEEEE :D | | Loves Money | John. Haha. | | Most Depressed | Hm...Not sure. | | Wants a Cow | SHAMMEH. | | Knows everything about you | John. | | Wants to know everything about you | ...Don't know. | | Has the most siblings | Hakki. XD | | Best Eyes | Iku. | | Best Smile | Dave has a pretty smile... | | Follows You | Rhianna. :) | | You Follow | Taylor. | | Ignores you | Eh... All of them at times. Dave mostly? | | Lies | Amy. | | Honest | Hmm... | | Most Kinky | Kinkaju. John. XD FUZZY HANDCUFFFSS | | Most Self Centered | Hmmm... | | Most Giving | John. | | Most Caring | ...John? | | Richest | ... | | Poorest | Hakki. | | Biggest Ego | Riley. | | Smallest Ego | Rhianna. | | Smallest House | Hakki. (Actually, I haven't seen his new house...) | | Biggest House | Hmmm... | | Lowest Self Esteem | Me. | | Most Confidence | Marcus. | | Flirtiest | ...Taylor or Marcus. | | Hits on your Girlfriend/Boyfriend | KIM MILLER!!! >:| | | Watches cartoons too much | Keely. XD | | Most Hated | Hmm... | | Most Loved | ....Hm. | | Hates People | Me. | | Would go goth | ...Eh? | | Most Obessive | Rhianna :D | | Corniest | Dylan. | | Tallest | Probably Andrew. | | Shortest | Rhianna. My wittle midget. ORRR Alek. :D | | Nicest | I don't know. | | Meanest | *sigh* | | Deepest [thinker] | ...Probably me? I think TOO much. | | Shallow | ...I am not at liberty to say. | | Best for Advice | Keely/John/Aisha. | | Worst for Advice | ... | | One you'd date | John, probably. | | One you'd screw | ...XD | | Known the longest | Alec Romulus. | | Met most recently | Jesse. Although he's not really my friend yet. | | Worst Taste in Music | Hmm... | | Best Taste in Music | Lots of them. | | Worst taste in Clothes | ... | | Worst Taste in Clothes | ... | | One you couldn't live without | Keely, Aisha or John. | | One you could do without | ...*cough* | | Clumsiest | Rhianna. So graceful. | | Most Prude | ...Not sure. | | Most Perfect | Aisha is a perfectionist big time. | | Most Slutty | ..... | | The Badass | Taylor. | | Best Personality | Lots of them. | | Worst Personality | ... | | Most Talented | Eh, donno. | | Would Die for | Keely, John, Aisha, Rhianna... Pretty much all of them. | | Would Let Die | None of them... | | Can always suprise you | Uh... | | Most Mysterious | People have said I'm pretty mysterious. | | Gives you the Lamest Gifts | No one really gives me gifts... | | Seeks Attention | Hm... Rhianna. :D Well, she used to. XD | | Most Guts | Are you calling me fat?! | | Want to be Closer With | Bethany/Dave | | Starts Arguments | Bleh. | | Solves Them | Me. I glock the muthafucka. | | Goes to You for Advice | No one likes my advice, although I'm good for venting to. | | Bitchiest | Heh... heh heh heh. | | Most Fememine | Michael. -.- Or Aisha Waisha :D | | Most Masculine | Keely... XD | | Blondest | Carly.. :D | | Most Creative | Aisha... or Keely. | | Most Musical | Hmm... probably Carly. | | The Pimp | Probably Taylor. | | The Whore | ... | | Hurts you the Most | Physically- Renee... Emotionally- Well, I don't want to say. Someone's feelings might get hurt. | | Loves you the Most | I don't know. | | Best Student | Keely. | | Worst Student | ...Taylor. | | Would Like to Take it to the Next Level With | ...Um... | | Most Annoying | Heh... | | Drama Queen | ... | | Most Immature | They all are at sometimes... | | Most Mature | ...Psh. | | Most Talkative | Uh, Aisha? | | Most Athletic | ...Riley. | | Most Snobby | Amy. | | Most Original | Hmm... | | Would Change for You | I don't know. | | You've Kissed | Michael. | | You want to Kiss | Dave. | | Can Trust with Deepest Secrets | John. | | Can always Cheer you Up | John/Keely/Aisha/Dave. | | Can Always Bring you Down | Anyone can. It's not that hard. | | One you love the Most | I love them all alot. | | Gayest One | ...XD Not saying. | | Nicest Hair | Probably Michael. | | Crys the Most | ...I don't know if they'd like their name right here. | | Eats the Most | ...Aisha XD | | Homophobic One | Andrew. | | Best Body | Haaaaaaaah. Marcusssssssss! | | Most Likely to Get Drunk and Bang Someone | ..Andrew. | | One who can Party the Most | Hmmm... | | Best Listener | John. | | Unique | All of them are unique, bitches. | | Neediest | ...Hm. | | Motivated | I don't know anyone's motives. | | Innocent | Wittle innocent Aisha Waisha. | | Guilty | Hardy har har. | | Spoiled | BWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH | Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink! |
1 Open this door |
Curiousity screams
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ImUgly
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2004 25 November :: 11.29am
:: Music: of gods and monsters(atreyu)
...
ive started drawing. last night i was feeling depressed cuz everyone hates me, so i took a mechanical pencil and drew. i drew weird things. like...the entire backgroung will be all random shapes and shades, and then there will be a door(no one know where i leads, thats the point). or a ripped up heart with bleeding eyes. or a dead tree with and abandoned nest(mostly cuz it looks pretty cool in pencil). and at 2 this morning i drew a horse, and if you look closely, you can see the word 'weakness'. i found out i can also draw impossible things, like the joy of sorrow(i havent figured how yet, but it sounds really cool). like if i gave you the word...raw, the first thing that comes to your mind would be an example of sumthing raw(such as a decaying cow), but it wouldnt be raw itself.
Curiousity screams
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ImUgly
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2004 25 November :: 11.26am
:: Music: the crimson(atreyu)
liars...all of you...
my mom said we're not doing anything today. yeah right! now we're having like 15 of her cousins over. i dont even know them. and then we're going to my brother's girlfriend's house for dinner.
i shouldve gone to new york like i was supposed to.
Curiousity screams
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ImUgly
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2004 24 November :: 9.08pm
i hate my entire damn family. except ryan.
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2004 24 November :: 7.20pm
:: Mood: Alright.
:: Music: Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Maps
Rhianna: Man, I love emo boys...
*Brennen walks up*
Me: Speaking of which, Helllllooooo, Brennen!
XD
I feel so lonely all the time now... I guess I'll have to get used to it, because I don't think the feeling will be uplifted anytime soon...
Wait... they don't love you like I love you.
I want to hang out with Aisha and Keely...
But then again, I also want Dave+Luis+Ian pr0n. XD
All in all, boring day... Bernard's tall tale was the greatest.... "Rumor has it, Mrs. Blobson's chins swallowed a kid whole once.."
So it's been an alright 3-day week...
I feel like... love. I don't know how to describe it. Meh.
Incredibly 3m0,
CHICKEN GEOOORRGEEE I'M YO PAPPY!
1 Open this door |
Curiousity screams
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ImUgly
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2004 24 November :: 5.11pm
:: Music: klavier(rammstein)
drags down
there was something my friend alex was telling me a long time ago that popped into my mind just now. he was saying that alot of these so called 'friends' will leave you to burn in hell, that you gotta find people you can take with you the rest of your life, that'll raise you higher. and at this point im not sure who goes where. but im pretty sure most of them are dragging me down.
Curiousity screams
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ImUgly
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2004 24 November :: 12.01pm
:: Music: love is illness(atreyu)
my heart burns only for you
i hate it when my clock lies to me. i woke up and it said 105 so i was like "oh good" and i get up, super-tired, and i go to the kitchen, and the real clock says 1035.
then i was making cornbread muffins for breakfast, and i put them in the oven. the istructions said 'cook for 15-17 minutes', which actually means 'if you want black muffins, cook for 15-17 minutes. otherwise, 12 will do just fine'. so i put it in for 12. 12 minutes later, i get them out of the oven, and the effing hell is burnt out of em.
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2004 23 November :: 10.33pm
:: Mood: Meh..
:: Music: Jack Off Jill- Strawberry Gashes
It has come to my attention that RGMS has absolutely no prettyboys. ; ;
All my pretties live far, far away... It saddens me.
I'm in no certain mood at the moment. Preps squealed left and right at the sight of my hand that I stitched up and left in the entire day...
We had substitutes in Math and Language Arts...
I still feel so lonely...
There's like, this empty tingling feeling in my chest that won't go away... It stays there all day, and until I fall asleep. I hate it.
I wish this feeling would go away.
In the words of Mrs. Johnson,
DON'T GET OUT OF THIS BOAT!! DON'T DO IT,
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2004 22 November :: 7.56pm
:: Mood: Mediocre.
:: Music: Skindred- Nobody
Well, all in all, today was alright.
Got the Firefly Darkness solo. Content with it. I'm scared I'll mess up, though. It'll be my first time singing by myself for a large group of people.
Sewed my fingers together again, but this time with a cool diamond pattern. :]
Staci likes Bob. I will feel like the ugliest person in the world if they end up going out. Which I doubt will happen.
Got another CD from Dylan. :]
Made a webalbum. There's only like 7 pictures on it. No one comments on here anymore... I guess someone might still read it, so here it is...----> http://photos.yahoo.com/xeuphoricsoulx
Yup. All is well with the world.
BETHANY JUST SIGNED ON!!! :D
Yay. I go now.
I want Dave =O,
3 Open this door |
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2004 21 November :: 1.45pm
:: Mood: Alone.
:: Music: Breaking Benjamin- So Cold
I'm fucking sick of being alone..
I hate sitting here, on the verge of tears. I wish it wasn't so fucking hard for me to be happy.
I wish I was beautiful... It seems my looks tend to be the center of my sadness. It's wrong to hate yourself, but it has been that way for me my entire life. Even in my care-free elementary school years, people taunted me, and called me fat or ugly on a daily basis. Hell, I even remember being called ugly in PRESCHOOL. This was the beginning of my downfall. It's sad, how something so seemingly innocent as a group of 8-year-olds can turn someone into a person like me... Being alone makes me feel like I am nothing. Being alone makes me feel ugly and unwanted. I want more than a day to go by where I don't have to fake at least one smile. It's pathetic.
Why is it so fucking hard for me to be happy?
1 Open this door |
Curiousity screams
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ImUgly
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2004 21 November :: 11.11am
:: Music: pinball wizard(the who)
you people....
you know....some people are really dumb. last night i was at best buy for an hour and a half waiting for them to bring up my account so i could exchange a cd player. as i was sitting there, these guys walk up to the counter saying they wanted to exchange their cd for a different one. but the lady said they could only exchange it for the same one, new, because they had alrady opened it. and they were like "aw damn...we got this like 2 hours ago. its the wrong cd". they mustve REALLY been dumb. they could exchange that one for a same new one, then come back later and exchange the new one for a different one. it just that simple. i guess some people just dont have an intellegent mind like mine.
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2004 20 November :: 10.39pm
:: Mood: Lonely.
:: Music: Eminem- Just Lose It
Well, today. Woke up, and straightened my hair. :D I like it.
Talked to Dave for a long while about some nice Dave on Luis on Ian on Ville Valo on a whole bunch of other guys action. Noice.
Then Steffeh came over and we hung out. And the Melosh family came over for dinner, and then Amy's in from Connecticut. I think Calvin's spending the night.
Right now I am veiwing Dave's webcam. I freakin' love this kid.//Plus, he's wearing eyeliner from his play earlier. ^___^ Squee.
I think I'll go for now. Just updating my journal 'cause I'm bored...
And I feel lonely... =/
I'm so tired of being alone...
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2004 20 November :: 1.28pm
:: Music: Trust Company- Downfall
Wen to the Hoggard game. Without Andrew.
I'm sore. I got pushed off benches 3 times. Each time, I landed on my back. I think I might try to straighten my hair right now. I guess I'll update later.
Had two weird dreams, which scared me because I sometimes have premonitions. I don't think they'll happen, though. I really hopel not.
Curiousity screams
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jessieslifeadayatatime
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2004 20 November :: 9.32am
this journal is officially for the use of me posting random bullshit and cool links to stuff. and html pics. i have a livejournal now and its friends only and i will be very picky about who can read it.
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Curiousity screams
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