jennapie
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2005 16 October :: 12.35pm
home alone.............again...............
do you love me?
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lynds4090
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2005 16 October :: 12.54am
wow... i'm really stupid. why was out searching for someothing new? i dind't need it. i was just trying to fill a gap. i can live w/o seeing him everyday. i know we still feel the same. honestly today... wow one of the best days in along long time. it was simple and short. it was like anyother day. i loved how it doesn't have to be blown out of proporation... wow. i just wish we could see each other more often, but i know it is mostly because of me. i accept that.. i have to. in a way maybe ishouldn't of saw him today... it will be like we are starting from scratch agian.. having to say good bye agian... not knowing exactly when we will see each other. i'll live. i'll manage. i must. so yeah. i guess you can look at this as a good or a bad thing... i'll decide later.
made 47 bucks tonight doing absoultly nothing.. oh wait i painted my nails :)... gotta love babysitting.
parents coming home tomorrow.. we'll see how i can manage until when the go to flordia.. i just have to keep my distance. it is what i keep telling myself. if we don't talk we can't have an argument right? lol. j/k.. i'll talk to my mom.. just about pointless and stupd stuff.
going to bed night!!!!!
do you love me?
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 15 October :: 11.30pm
i feel so ........ like... like a major failure. I guess we did really bad today at the competition and i wasn't even worried about it at all and didn't even care if we got a bad score (that doesn't mean i didn't try though, becuase i did try to do well) but then when i hear we did bad, wow it just makes me feel really bad. i feel like such a failure but hey when don't i ? I really think if i was a neonatel nurse and i help a baby return to health, i will feel realy accomplished. i think it's what i really want.
i hate being left out and i hate not having fun with everyone else. i hate that feeling. andi hate being away from roman when everyone else can just walk down the hall if they want to see him. i have to drive 40 minutes.
i really need to brush my teeth and stop getting fat and eating ice cream.
seriously, when do I get to have some fun? Be crazy? anything....?
oh i almost forgot about the crazy lady and her fricken HOOLA-HOOP rings. which are oinion rings. she orders a full order of rings. then tells me i can send them back to the kitchen and take them off the table and her bill. i ask whats wrong and she yellls about how it's not a "HEAPING PLATTER of HOOLA HOOP rings" and how Jerry wrote her an email about how it's a HEAPING PLATTER and how a basket is NOT a platter. Well guess what lady?! Jerry knows nothing about the food or anything else. And i dont her that. "jerry doesn't know what he's talking about" She was a bitch so i didnd't even care. They left me 2 bucks. Whatever bitches. Who writes a restaraunt a freaking email asking about their oinion rings anyway?! freak. UGH.
I am not in a good mood. I wanna go cry or something. i'm freezing too. time for an electric blanket and some sappy music.
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brokenmentality
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2005 15 October :: 12.42pm
i guess its about time i update about homecoming. prom probably takes the cake cuz of everything we did before and after... but dancing wise... this one was the best!
me and keegan clashed, but at the same time looked really good together. the green and purple ended up looking very nice. i couldnt have been happier with my dress. it looked perfect, it wasnt to long, it fit wonderfully... *smiles. so anyways, me, keegan, stacy, brad and brandi went to timbers for dinner... i got meatloaf... heck yes! but then i made keegan trade me his steak.. giggles.
the dance turned out VERY nice. the decorations were awesome and i loved the theme. the seniors did a kick ass job.
we got our pictures taken right when we got there, hopefully it turns out good. we're not your average couple, and poses just dont work for us... so we did our own thing. thats what we usually do though... we always do our own thing...
but yeah.. the dance was great.. i danced with keegan all night.. almost as if nobody else was around. and the last song they played "you look wonderful tonight" is one of our songs.. so the night just ended perfectly. i got really good pictures, AND when keegan started break dancing... i didnt even get pushed the back of the circle... laughs.. i could actually SEE! its so cool that he does that.. i feel so cool dating him. *laughs again* i've never felt this way before.. or have ever thought that my boyfriend was cooler than me... its just amazing to think... wow, im dating keegan. i have to tell myself that from time to time...... he's so incredible.. and we're incredible together.
after the dance we just went back to keegans house and went to sleep. we were to tired to go bowling... and just feeling him close to me is all i need to make the night perfect... i know im overusing that word... but its the only word that fits.
the other day we went to klackle orchards and got pumpkins, donuts, apples, and gourds. it was so much fun. we got to ride in the "enchanted" pumpkins out to the pumpkin patch. keegans pumpkin is HUGE and mine WAS perfect until SOMEBODY broke the stem off. pshhh. but yeah.. that was a really fun day.
then last night after i got out of work we rented Crash and Call Me... we only watched Call ME cuz there was no way we were stayin up for two movies. it was ok.. but it really should have been classified as porn. lol. it was a BIT graphic to say the least. ahh well... what can ya do right?
so right now shelby has a bunch of little friends over because she turned 5 on monday... *tears.. she grows so fast* so todays her little birthday party. i have to go to work tonight... which i dont want to do... but when i get out we'll probably watch that other movie.
the good thing about having people over is that it forces me to clean my room. usually its a disaster, but my room is seroiusly the coolest room i've seen in person.. .not trying to be conceited or anything... but its pretty kick ass. so when people are over i always gotta show it to em. scott came over with keegan today... so in otherwords i was cleaning all morning. aww it was so cute. keegan came over to do some flips for all shelbys little friends. he's just so damn cool! *giggles
bad news though.... i cant drive my car anymore. we brought it in to get the breaks checked out and they said the front and back brakes are totally shot and it also needs new brake pads and roters and all that other stuff that me, being a girl, doesnt know anything about. but yeah, the cheapest they could fix it for is 650... and my mom doesnt think its worth putting that much money into. so i think we're gonna look into getting a different car.. possible an explorer. but i'll be out of a car for about a month im guessing... not like it matters.. i dont drive very often anyways. .maybe once or twice a week... if that. but yeah... thats my story.
yeah.. so i havent updated in awhile.. as a result this entry jumps all around and sounds kinda odd... but at least ya'll got the jist of my past week. alright... bye loves.
do you love me?
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Tails
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2005 15 October :: 1.24am
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: Death Cab For Cutie - Steadier Footing
it was then
I miss alot of things about my highschool life...i most of all miss the summer before junior year...and the summer after junior year...when life wasnt so fucking hard and things were kinda fun...i miss the way i was and the way i used to think about life and its hardships and its mysterious things...i miss the darkness and a way too early cerfew being enough to stay alive....god damn i miss my heart. and i miss my old true friends...the ones i dont talk to anymore because im always so tired or in class or working and i make up these lame excses when i know even if i cant move my muscles i should still call them to hang cause thats why friends do...but im afraid of how they might have changed without me. Do they still want me around at all? am i welcome near their new lives? a half a semester has passed without me in it....im sure alot of thigns and people and faces have changed...stuff cant stay the same forever. im scared
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jennapie
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2005 15 October :: 12.30am
I almost went to your house tonight. For one reason and that was to kiss you. And I know you don't believe me, and that's because I've convinced both of us that I would never kiss you, but tonight, I would have. I guess I just needed a reason, and that's something that I didn't get.
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do you love me?
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 13 October :: 7.04pm
oh my gosh so the one day i'm scheduled during the wekk they send me home and then now i realized i could have gotten to the FAFSA meeting. wow i was actually in a good mood and now. wow. aa;lkfjas;lkf grrrrrrr.
2 love me |
do you love me?
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jennapie
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2005 13 October :: 5.25pm
ok, I'm going to tell you know a sad story about a girl who wasn't paying attention.
There once was a girl and her name was....let's just call her Jenna....well anyway, Jenna was a happy-go-lucky type of girl and her carefree ways often got her into trouble. One day after a particularly long day, she was walking through her living room, and started to stumble on her pants. Her mom started yelling at her to pay attention to what she was doing, but it was too late. Her pants won and Jenna fell into the stone fireplace. Undoubtedly bruising her butt, and now has to put a band-aid on her elbow that immedietly started bleeding. So much for not having any bruises for once in her life! Jenna was a little bit upset, but the strong survive, and she knew that she would persevere! The End!
*true story*
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wierdo
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2005 13 October :: 9.37am
:: Music: Def Lepard-when love and hate collide
Well lets see........i haven't been on here in a while.
My weekend was pretty fun. I went to the football game friday night, and then i think....i went home. Saturday i took Becky and Jessie out to dinner for their homecoming dance, so that was pretty......interesting. Then saturday night i was hangin out with a few friends and i stayed the night there. That was a lot of fun too. I got to spend some time with a certain someone. I kinda liked her before hand, but after saturday night it turned into a lot. Hopefully me and her can spend more time together and make something happen. I think we would both be happy with it. I'm hoping that she feels the same way though. Anyways, umm sunday i went home and just sat there and didn't really do anything. I went golfing, and then i went to tyler's house later on that night. But other than that, i work every day and try to make plans to do something when i get done every night.
I finally talked to my mom the other night. It was the first time i talked to her since my birthday back in April. But then again it kinda made me sad. I was hoping to hear some really good reason to why she hasn't called in so long, but her reason was she is too busy. Good to know she is too busy for her two kids. She can't stop for 15 minutes out of her busy days to call her kids that live 2,000 miles away? When her son just graduated from high school, and her daughter just had a baby and got her own apartment. So it was good to talk to her, but just sad to hear her say...."i've just been really busy."
So yeah, but anyways i should probably go now. Somebody give me something to do today and leave me a comment so i can read it. lol
Kevin
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brokenmentality
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2005 13 October :: 6.51am
just what i want to wake up to.
every day just keeps getting better and better.
do you love me?
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brokenmentality
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2005 12 October :: 10.02pm
i'll just set aside how pissed i am for the time being. its not going to do anything any good... and if i open up and say what i REALLY feel.. i'll have to hear how it hurt someones feeling... so yeah, i'll just pretend everythings fine and im ok, because im a fucking doormat.
before i get into homecoming.. i gotta vent. deal with it.
i understand that im short and blonde and tend to smile alot. does that mean that im perfect?! if i flip out on somebody... its like "oh damn, erikas pisssed" WHAT am i not allowed to show some irrational emotion? just because i hide how i feel in school to avoid added drama... doesnt mean i dont HAVE unneccesary drama. if i were to be totally honest with myself and most the people i surround myself with... i wouldnt have many friends. im not judgemental.. i just cant put up with peoples shit very easily. Grow the fuck up. we're seniors for gods sake. im counting the days before i get the hell away from all these people. we grew up together, we'll see eachother at reunions, pretend we were friends "back in the day" and move on with our lives. and i may or may not marry somebody from around here. im certainly not gonna plan on it. im 17 years old. why would i want to be tied down to love and commitment? am i happy with my relationship? yeah, because its a healthy relationship. we dont center our lives around eachother. thats a bit pathetic dont cha think? i seriously wish i could just go up to most every happy person in the hall and slap them and be like what the fuck is wrong with you! the world sucks! *laughs.... god im glad i can find humor when im so PISSED.
first times..... yeah.. unforgettable right.
just like i'll never forget the first time you put a recreation before me, or the first time you hung up on me, or the first time you just left me... because its not like i've never been abanded before right, or the first time you called me a bitch, or the first time i'll go to bed upset with you, or the fact that YOUR first time is with someone else. that ones my favorite. i hate that about you. HATE it. to bad you'll never have to experience that. physically feeling your heart break every time you think about, and at the same time wanting to vomit. maybe thats love, maybe thats what we're waiting for and this is just a preview.
*ahem* Love is never fully being happy, but settling for a great person with just less than what you expected. oh yeah, and throw in the... "its not fair" part and maybe the "drive eachother crazy" part.
i honestly am scared to death that i'll never fall in love with anyone. im to anal about love, im to picky... i know exactly what i want. but it doesnt exist. and that doesnt say anything bad about my relationships or future relationships... it just tells me that its time i take my head out of the clouds and think realistickly.
i dont know. im so irrational sometimes. i dont know why he puts up with my bullshit. tonight hurt... but so did yesterday. it never gets easier. it makes me wish we were in love so at least in my lowest moment i could tell myself "but its ok, because he loves me" and it kills me that i cant... but its not just that. its me too. im not ready for that. like i said... who knows if i'll ever be ready. ive encountered first hand love due to my mom and her divorce. i would rather go to hell then relive the events we suffered through. i honestly think chris was satan. but he didnt start out that way. man he fooled us. i dont want that to happen to me. and i guess im just scared to death that im gonna open myself up, become totally vulnerable to pain... and be fooled.
ok.... i took a break from the last paragraph and went to talk to my mom. she always makes me feel better. but now im just depressed.
im so fucking selfish. and i know that. and i can admit that....
maybe i'll get to homecoming a different day. i'd like to be happy when i update about such a great night.
this is one of those nights where a tiny part of you hopes you never wake up, even though im not suicidal.... eternal sleep just sounds so good sometimes.
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do you love me?
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.j.e.s.s.
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2005 12 October :: 9.32pm
This entry is not goign to make any sense. but i am going insane. i dont have to prove my love to anyone but roman. and i mean no one else needs to see anything. that's as far as i'm going to get into that. i am going crazy. college i dont even know what i want to do or antyhing anymore. i feel like i've basically been told i should not go into nursing. my brain is so crazy i can't even type a whole sentance without backspacing 8 times. i feel like i'm running around with no stopping. i'm constantly forgetting about things. i feel like the only time i get i need to scoop up for myself. i am broke and i dont know what to do. i need to enroll for college for duel enrolling and i dont know what class to take. i need to take the freakin act's . i need to apply for fafsa.
i have so much to do but i dont know where to begin. i want to just lie down and sleep with you and never get up.
and i can't shake the thought and i want it.
do you love me?
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Tails
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2005 12 October :: 9.09pm
:: Mood: Scared
:: Music: creepy sounds from the attic
best time of the year
Anyone know of any truly scary shit going down around our side of michigan this halloween season? dont say the haunt cause everyone knows that i just want to know if there is anything else thats supposed to be scary as shit? if you know of anything please tell me...also anyone having any kicking halloween partys?
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do you love me?
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brokenmentality
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2005 11 October :: 4.42pm
noo, god im just so fucking mad...... its just a multiple entry type of rage i guess....
what the hell is your problem?
do you love me?
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brokenmentality
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2005 11 October :: 4.39pm
im done with this.
i had a rotten day, and the one thing i was looking forward to taking comfort in cancelled on me.
i could very easily take comfort in something else.
1 love me |
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