mudpiegrl
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2006 16 January :: 7.54pm
alright. im cleaning things out. im going to go through my journal and anything about justin is going to be printed and read. ill reassess my stupidity and consider dropping him. in fact, liking him has been considered by far. i dont think i care to drop him as a friend right now, although it's probably going to happen if i move to chicago with patrice ::crosses fingers and hopes really hard::
im angry. the library doesnt have any bright eyes or the other interpol cd in right now and best buy doesnt have bright eyes at all. :(
I think im broken
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mudpiegrl
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2006 15 January :: 3.19pm
:: Mood: hungry
:: Music: "mistakes"-godsmack
last night i spent the night at patrices, which i know i've written about in here. it's always an awakening/realisation/relaxation/hope refiller. patrice is just great. i love her so much.
we discussed how awful it'd be to be stuck in a college campus with only college kids. we discussed moving downtown together. it'd be loads of fun and we could get along and stuff, as proved by our week at ryans.
it's sad. i realised that if i wanted to stop hanging out with justin and zak, id be left with kristen and patrice, which i dont mind. but it'd mostly be kristen, who i also love, but when it's only two of you, it's your ideas just bounced back and forth and no reformation after a while because you tend to adjust just to each other. it happend with jen and i kinda hate it. and there's patrice, but her and i have the same issue. she hates when ryans not around cuz it's like she's invading my space, which it doesnt feel like at all, but it's the same with me. i'd feel badly cuz i always feel like ryan doesnt want me around, even though i've been told otherwise.
i suppose it's a self-esteem issue, but everyone has those, right?
i talked to some friends from grade school recently. it makes me really glad i stopped hanging out with them. some of them are so shallow and others conceited and others so confused with themselves that they dont know which way to walk to their bed when it's right in front of them.
i suppose im the same way though. i know i can be egotistical and forceful and controlling and shallow and evil and soulless...but at the same time i know i cant be so awful because people still talk to me...im sure they arent that desperate.
so thanks for putting up with me, guys. im going to hang out with the buttface and ryan now. we're going shoe shopping! woo!
g'day, then!
3 broke me |
I think im broken
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angel_bob
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2006 13 January :: 8.51am
Today is going to be a long, long day.
One without lunch.
I'll update about my classes when I'm not tired/have time/think people care.
I think im broken
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angel_bob
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2006 12 January :: 8.06am
Girl things
My period came last night. Four days ahead of time.
I have horrible cramps and a class at 9:25 and one at 10:50. Then I have work from 1 to 5.
Oh, and we're all out of pads. And I can't find a tampon (not like I'd use one anyway). The rule states that if you use the last one or few, you're supposed to tell someone, HANNAH!
I think I'm just going to stay home. There's no way I can go anywhere bleeding and cramping. I'll go to work at 1 maybe.
Ug.
1 broke me |
I think im broken
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mudpiegrl
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2006 11 January :: 3.03pm
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: Avenged Sevenfold-"Bat Country"
Hello.
I've been watching videos. Currently, the used "in love and death" and it has clockwork orange references! :) And I like my chemical romance videos. You should check out bright eyes "bowl of oranges". And I hate simple plan. A lot. You should list to Interpol, though. I’m listening to evil now. I like their lyrics and his voice.
I’m going to go buy some pants at Carson’s, assuming I can find some for less than twenty dollars...it's sort of a pointless search, eh? Oh, well. Something to do.
So we've discovered that Justin has an insane amount of jealousy when I go near another guy. I love knowing when someone cares, but you know how easy it is to say and show it? It’s so much harder to hide it...it's nice to know he cares. It isn’t even just other guys. He’s so protective of me, as if he's afraid ill get hurt. And he gets angry with anything he doesn’t like...and Zak pointed out that he expects a lot more from me than anyone else. By the way, this isn’t me getting my hopes up so much as feeling this strange sense of victory.
It seems kind of bad to feel like I’ve won something, but I seem to be altering the people with whom I’m hanging out. They’re just tiny things but it's satisfying to see some ramifications streaming from me. It makes me feel like I have some importance.
Of course, that also means that I’ve been changed. But I don’t mind so much; I honestly don’t think I could come out of a friendship unchanged. And contrary to what some people think, I don’t think that they are all bad changes. And I’m also not the only one changing. I think it’s a fear. As if changing the places you go and the people you hang out with isn’t enough, changing habits and beliefs is tough to accept.
I just realized: I don’t even know what complacent means. It’s okie. Ill look it up before I post. Yes, I’m right.
Goodbye.
I think im broken
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Angel_Bob
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2006 11 January :: 7.22am
I don't know what this semester's going to be like.
I have math homework due tomorrow and no math book.
I have reading to do for my Cultural Anthropology class and my Principles of Business Management class but I don't have the books for those classes either.
I'm trying really hard to get by without buying the books. My family's going through a hard time financially and I don't want to ask them for money.
I'm going to go to the bookstore today and copy my math problems out of the book then see if I can borrow/read (while standing around in her room) my friend's books for anthropology. I guess I'll see if I can borrow the business book from a girl at work.
Or I could try to get by until next week.
I definitely need the math book though.
I'm stressing out.
5 broke me |
I think im broken
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2006 2 January :: 1.37pm
2005 taught me that friends won't always be there.
(happy) new year, everyone.
things don't feel any different. probably because they're not.
i have no resolutions. even if i did, i wouldn't go by them.
i never do.
stay classy, san diego.
1 broke me |
I think im broken
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Angel_Bob
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2006 1 January :: 10.20pm
Hey, kids, remember:
IT'S ABOUT THE LOVE, NOT THE LOVIN'!
4 broke me |
I think im broken
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Gideon
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2006 1 January :: 1.12am
Happy New Year
1 broke me |
I think im broken
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mudpiegrl
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2005 29 December :: 11.22am
and yet another dream this morning.
i went to a small shop, boutique like, somewhat like i remember all the ocean-side shops being in florida. i couldnt even tell you exactly what it sold...but i couldnt find wht i was desperately searching for. it didnt worry me though, so i just browsed. i remember old people sweaters and shiny leotards being sold. i watched some guy for a bit...then walked over to a middle table. the guy who worked there asked if i needed help. the scene changed; i was working there. i was fixing some stuff and then he said i should go help them. them was ashley grebe and a couple other people i didnt know. ashley was on a ladder putting something on the wall, which at first i thought was a display, until a guy took down the shelf to dust it off. ashley had been standing on it, however, but rather than falling, she held on to...the wall. i asked how she did it and she said, im just holding on. when she eventually came down, she shook her fingers through her hair which i thought would make it puff, but it just went back to pretty curls. i think that's about it.
I think im broken
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mudpiegrl
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2005 28 December :: 10.49am
:: Mood: blank
i dont remember the two when zak was over,
but then the night before last:
i was walking up a grassy hill with a chainlink fence to my right. i looked over the fence and (on the other side, the hill fell about three stories) there's a road. on the other side of the road was yet another chain link fence, which then led into the depaul campus. i came upon a tree on my left, and i was looking at all the buildings of the campus. they had blue roofs. i saw a bottle of laundry detergent hanging on the tree (All brand). i got angry that someone would put it there and so threw it over the fence. i watched it almost hit one of the group of girls standing outside the campus, then quickly backed away because i knew my white shirt would be seen. i started to run, but i couldnt go fast enough. i figured it was just the grass, so when i got to the asphalt and it wasnt any easier, i took off my shoes. the running didnt get easier. but soon, there were a lot of cars in sight and the ocean. i was coming to a dock. but then i woke up.
Then this morning, about a half hour ago:
i lived in a dorm room with 4(?) other people. i woke up and my roommates told me that we'd had some people who think they live in our room. soon enough, they came in. they're all black, girls and guys. the first comment that is made by one of them is a derogatory white people comment (i dont remember it). i got angry and was like "woah, buddy. if we're going to solve this problem, we have to get something straight first". i held my arm up to his and began to tell him that "colour is not an issue, because there are different shades even within our own races" and the picture changed to his friend and that guys girlfriend, who're laying on the couch together. He agreed, and we began to discuss the dorm itself. we argued that we had been there first, and they had just arrived. he said, "yea, but we've definatly made home". picture switches to a picture frame with the lot of them in it. so we worked on figuring out how they even got a key. they were handed it and i made the brilliant connection that they were going to kick us out, which we knew the reason for, but i cant remember now. so we were happy in the room and whatever. then the dream switched to another room. i was in the back, against a wall, but there was music playing and people dancing. i acknowledged the fact that only white people were dancing until shannon green got up and joined them. i started to try to text someone but i couldnt get a signal and once i had chosen my recipient and typed the message, i decided to change recipients.
I think im broken
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mudpiegrl
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2005 26 December :: 2.14pm
Okie. so we've finally finished opening presents! This is what I received!Read more..
THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH, EVERYONE!!!
I think im broken
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Gideon
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2005 25 December :: 1.47pm
Merry Christmas
1 broke me |
I think im broken
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