My Bitching Grounds

:: 2003 28 February :: 10.23am

I would contend that because of the many factors that influence our lives, we do not have free will.

We do not have free will out of neccessity. The physical, psychological, social, and genetic factors, are necessary conditions for existing. We are suppossing that we are influenced by all these factors. These influences are a necessary conditions for existence. If it is true that we are influenced, it must also be true that we cannot control those influences because they are natural. Therefore it is a necessary condition of existence that everything is determined.

2 Kiss Asses | Kiss My Ass

:: 2003 26 February :: 10.22pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: nothing at the moment....but soon some song will start running through my head

something new and smelling good...wooo!
okay, here's the lowdown. i went tanning today, got a little pink so i put on my sweet pea lotion to ease the pain :)...ahhh....yummmmmm it smells sooooooooo good! i think i'm going to use it more often.

i need something new in my life. something new to wash away these winter icks for a bit. i actually would like a new friend. guy or gal...it really doesn't matter. so if any of you know a good person to befriend, leave me a comment and we'll be in busniess. or....if you want to be my friend then feel free to leave a comment as well. it would be nice if the person lived in like a 25-30 mile range and no more. i've never really had much luck with long distance friendships/relationships/whatever else you want to call it...bleh...

yup, tanning, lotion and new. i think that's it.

oh yeah...hey wind ensemble people.... really how well do you think we'll do tomorrow at the pre-festival?
1 2 3 4 5 .... remember... 1 is best, 5 is worst. we'll have to see... i really hope it comes together because if it doesn't, i really think we're going to be screwed. at least it's pre-festival.

good night :~)

6 Kiss Asses | Kiss My Ass

:: 2003 26 February :: 3.40pm
:: Mood: artistic

To my darling
Your eyes glow brighter than the light of a thousand stars.
Your hair shimmers like a still lake in a beauteous sunset.
You skin is as soft as the finest silk made in a foreign land.
If given the chance I would worship you.
I would fall upon my hands and wash your feet.
I would serve you and follow all of your commands.
I would be only so lucky to taste your sweet nectar of life.
And if only for a short time I were to give in to my desire,
I would lose everything that I have worked for.
Why He would give me a desire like this, I will never know.
If it is only for me to desire Him, in the same way I desire you so.

2 Kiss Asses | Kiss My Ass

:: 2003 25 February :: 3.58pm
:: Mood: not as good as i'd like it to be

something tells me that life could be so much better. i try not to think about all the things that should be thought about because if i do, then my head will just explode like it did last night. bleh.....i cried myself to sleep.....again. major sucks ducks.... bleh

alkjfdaklsjklsdg lkjblksjkldjfas flkasjdfkjeoj aflkjdslakfjalksdjfls lkblakbh blbhelbheblkaejoraj alkjf aldkjfalkjf!!!#$@#%#$jfs jdsjlsjdfkajdfkls....

that's all...

:: 2003 24 February :: 10.30pm
:: Mood: sleepy and worn, a little incomplete too
:: Music: mock morris is suck in my head for some reason...

it's been a while. oh well, frankly, i don't really care how long it's been. time doesn't and shoudn't really matter to me. i really don't like time. it can make you anxious, uncomfortable, and sad. it always goes by too fast when you're having a good time and it always goes by too slow when your life really sucks. it might make you feel a little better, or worse, depending on the circumstances. time seems to be quite pushy too. everyones life revolves around it. it's unfair to some and too generous to others. it treats no one equal. so yeah, all in all, time sucks. it's probably my second worst enemy next to distance. but we'll save distance for a later day when i'm not so tired. do you know how lucky you are?

:: 2003 20 February :: 8.52pm
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: "Blue on Black" Kenny Wayne Shepherd

Haven't they made a movie about this already? Well maybe they should.
- A guy that spends his whole life watching an internet journal site observing other peoples lifes by what they say. Of course, the never update, so he goes forever being completely withdrawn.

- A guy who works in a fast food resturaunt, but is really a genious, except no one knows it because he seems to be so inept at his job.

- A musician who gets into the real world and realize he's not as good as everybody says he is. However, he stays true to himself and is never really successful, but is happy with his life.

- A guy who spends his whole life in a bar, however has never had a drop of alcohol in his life.

- A guy who doesn't trust women any farther than he can throw the race collectively.

- A kid who's parents go to bed every night really early and kick him off the internet because they are unwilling to run a phone line to his room.

3 Kiss Asses | Kiss My Ass

:: 2003 12 February :: 10.20pm
:: Mood: gloomy
:: Music: Lone Star- Amazed

aekjagklejkesjfkdsngsdkfs
ehhh.... first this is needed..

SSSIIIGGGHHH......

big blehhh... all over the place :)

i'm just feeling icky. you know... here's why..
1.ryan keeps popping into my head and my heart is being an ass about it. sometimes i hate my heart for that... it just pushes me into things i don't want
2.i don't have a valentine.....again. what else is new? i've never had a valentine, what's going to change this year?? NOTHING!
3.i need to get my algebra 2 grade up
4.SSSUUUUMMMMMMMMEEEEERRRR!!!!!!!
5.i want to be at wolverine band camp right now!
6.grandpa is in the hospital, and isn't coming out....soooo yeah that says enough
7.things just suck!

oh well... if you want to be my valentine, contact me by clicking the small word entitled "wow" on the bottom of your screen (however, if you're reading this on a friends page, it won't be wow...it will be something else, but you get the idea). thanks :)

PS...HAPPY BIRTHday TO BEANSY ON SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOO!!!!!!!! THE BIG ONE SIX (16)!!!!!!!! YES!!! :D

3 Kiss Asses | Kiss My Ass

:: 2003 12 February :: 6.12pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: "Youth of the Nation" -POD

My take on the CSHS v. Woohu.com situation
To my fellow Woohu brethren,

Today we see a mounting threat aimed at shutting down a part of our lives that is absolutely integral. Something that a year ago, many of us knew, or even cared about. Now, at this juncture, fate has placed us here to defend that which is so important to us. We cannot allow the evil educators who we come into contact everyday to continue to wage war against our community. We must stand up in a great rebellion. We must repulse there threats against us and come back with more of our own. We know what is best for us, not those who claim to educate us. The are righteous and pious, we must reject those values. We must save our language, our slang terms and profanity laden thoughts must not be allowed to be extinguished by their "proper" English. We must bond together to make this community a rally point against their ideals and morals. Instead of letting them turn us into supposedly educated and widely accepted individuals of a diverse and respectable society, we need to fight them. We need to struggle for our communal thinking. Our cause will never be defeated.

Your Woohu.com brother,

Charlie Campbell

:: 2003 11 February :: 10.09pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: africa- from camppppppp

Which Season are you?

said in a desperate like voice... "ssssssuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr.......... I NEED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1....... HHHHHHUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYY!!!!!!"

SUMMER=CAMP
CAMP=RYAN
RYAN=FUN :) :D
FUN=FUN

good night

:: 2003 7 February :: 11.47am
:: Mood: snowy, not pristine white, but muddy, dirty brown
:: Music: "Picture"- Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow

Lavity
SO I woke up this morning, sat up in bed and the whole room was spinning. I had no sense of equilibrium at all. Because of this I began to get sick. So I laid back down, it went away. Got back up fifteen minutes later, same thing. Told my mom I wasn't going to my first two classes, laid back down and slept for another hour. I think my body was trying to tell me something. I am working 30+ hours this week, but I've missed one day in each of my classes except Concert Band and Philosophy. Something has got to give. Either my classes, my social life, my spiritual life, or my job have to come out of this stagnate period. If Berkeley was right, and were all just minds that exist and everything that we experience isn't really there, it's just a pattern that is the same to all of us, then everyone has reacted the same way. No one seems optimistic about anything. This season is going to drag on and on, the economy is not going to get any better, were going to war that we won't win right away, my education will be stagnated. My interest in everything except sleep has dropped to zero.

The keys to a successful relationship: Homogeny. Homgeny in everything. The same societal viewpoints, the same aesthetic level, the same socioeconomic level. That's why Cinderella is such a fairy tale, it will never happen in real life.

Some lady spilled pop all over herself yesterday after I had handed her her drink. She asked to see a manager. I almost lost it. I almost broke down and started bawling for like fifteen minutes after that. I don't know why. I don't cry much. When I do have an outlet of emotino its because something has been building for awhile, but I don't know what that is. Nothing is frustrating me right now. I wish it was. I wish there was something that was bothering me, at least it would be interesting. But there isn't. Everything is so slow and so dead right now, there is nothing.

The sun overhead warms my heart,
Yet my body remains cold.
My eyes see the light,
Yet my body remains dark.
I feel the sweat in my brow,
Yet I feel no work.
I hear the pounding in my chest,
But there is no urge.
Then I come to a conclusion,
The light you cast is not for me,
But for another I can never be.

4 Kiss Asses | Kiss My Ass

:: 2003 7 February :: 9.03am
:: Mood: hungry and a little nervous
:: Music: honers band cd

well, in just a few minutes i'm off to go get my wisdom teeth yanked from my face. eep! i can't eat anything before, so i'm so hungry right now! haw haw haw... anyways, wish me luck, pray for me ect...

umm...not much else going on at the moment. ryan and i are trying to work out a day when we can get together for the benifit of all people. haha... so no one will have to listen to us wining how we miss each other. but you have to agree, i've been pretty good lately. maybe because we're just friends? bleh...i don't know. anyways, hope everyone has a good weekend. i'll probably be just laying in bed in pain, so feel free to call or stop by and see me all puffy. :) tomorrow we're going to lansing though, it's been planned a long time now to go see phantom of the opera, so that should be fun. heh.. i'm going to be so tired. heh... cya guys :)

4 Kiss Asses | Kiss My Ass

:: 2003 5 February :: 11.30am
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: None

People
"Get it now, Valentine's Day is almost over." Can society get anymore stupid? Valentine's Day is one day, Valentine's Day is still nine days away. Why is there this emphasis?

I was listening to NPR last night and I heard something that demonstrates how stupid Americans are. A guy actually said that Colin Powell is the most pwerful African-American in the world. Wouldn't Colin Powell be the most powerful African-American in America? Things have been so desensetized and racized that we can no longer call people black. It was obvious that the context in which the idea was meant was that Colin Powell is the most powerful black man in the world. However, we wouldn't want to offend anybody.

It's kind of like the two girls sitting next to me. Several people have come by looking for a computer to use. Yet they consider to sit there and carry on conversation, not using the computer. This seems like terrible stupidity. No consideration.

Maybe the stress is getting to me. Or maybe I'm just making up the stress. Everything seems like a constant hassle. Going classes that are boring and redundant, working a job that makes me have to deal with incompetent people. Home is fine, but there is always that concern that if I don't do something right that I could get kicked out. So I just try to be gone as much as I can and then maybe I won't get into any fights.

Maybe I'm just sick of winter. I want all this to be done. I want sunshine again, I want fishing again. So am I yet another victim od SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Even though in psychological terms it doesn't really exist I think I am. I'm tired of the bad roads, the death, the lack of sleep, the abundance of darkness.

I look into the light
And what do I see?
A little bird peering down at me
Graceful as a dove
As fast as a falcon
I pray it will carry me to heaven.

:: 2003 3 February :: 10.14pm
:: Mood: bleh...

okay, so today i was supposed to get my wisdom teeth yanked out of my mouth. at the last minute we found out that the oral surgon's son or daughter had to go to some emergancy ward last night and couldn't come in to rip the suckers out. ehh...so now i go on friday. at least i can work tomorrow-thursday. good.

so today kind of sucked. i didn't really like being home. it was really dumb. skipping school isn't as fun when you do it all the time. it gets boring. bleh... i must be the biggest flamer for saying that. haha..oh well

oh yeah, yesterday mom spent practically all day on the phone trying to plan our vacation to mexico. now we're not even going. bleh... that sucks. the weeks the condo was open we couldn't get airline tickets and the week we could get airline tickets, the condo wasn't open. major suckage. so i guess now we might be planning a trip to california for spring break. my aunt lives near san fransisco. that would be really really fun. i guess anywhere but here would be really fun. i hate it right now.

winter just sucks. everyday i find myself longing for summer even more. i just love summer, it is without a doubt my favorite season. oh well, it can't come fast enough for me, it never can. whatever, i tried on freaking bathing suits and sun dresses today when mom took me shopping, i ended up with a pair of socks with smiling music notes on them. wooo...i'm so much of a band dork i can't hardly stand it.

yep, and my last rant is i'm lonley. i haven't really told many people, but i am. i really am. i'm just really missing something in my life and i know now, it isn't faith. my faith is better than it ever has been now. it's not my friends, my friendships are so strong right now and i know they would do anything for me, well, almost anything :) and they all know i would do anything for them. but i really think it's my love life. my love life stinks right now. i mean...bleh!!! other than the fact that ryan asked me to marry him yesterday, i have nothing! heh... that sounds really contradicterary. i slaughtered that word, the idea is there. whatever. ryan is 3 hours away, i might be engaged to him (we're getting married in the big wedding at camp this summer with all the other couples), but he's not here when i need him. that is what sucks so bad. oh well, there's really nothing i can do. if any of you know someone that fits my profile (good luck), feel free to contact me.

other than that, i think i'm good for a while..if you have any questions, you know what to do :)

good night

1 Kiss Ass | Kiss My Ass