angel_bob
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2005 23 March :: 10.54pm
:: Mood: meh
My goal for the rest of the year (all 1 and a half months of it) is to get kicked out of Mr. Watson's AP Lit class.
I'm really beginning to despise both the man and the class.
Plus, I've never been in trouble for anything at school.
I might as well aim high.
I love you all.
P.S. I'm in one of those moods where I'm really tempted to delete everything in this journal and rip up every word I've written.
P.P.S. And slice up my arm but that's not going to happen.
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sweetyas
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2005 23 March :: 5.51pm
The Annual Book Review
Yasamin has read two books recently. APPLAUSE APPLAUSE.
Fade is book one by robert cormier. Interesting ending that just pisses you off. I dont like hte way the author tried to make it "fun". If you have read a book by cormier i suggest reading it, if not then do not read it and read another book by him first.
The Five People You Meet in Heaven. Very good book. i totally liked it. I totally love the idea of heaven in that book. i would be so happy if it was really like that. Its really a suprise ending. Its weird cuz im reading a book in french about sorta the same thing but its different.
DONT READ IF YOU DONT WANT ONE THING RUINED SORTA.
In the five you learn why your life was the way it was in french they go back and fix their deaths.
So Yasamin is finished.
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goose
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2005 23 March :: 10.25am
ah yes, so i ahve now been ":pushed out" or maybe shoved... People that i talked to, even at the beginning of this semester, even a few weeks ago are all of a sudden too good to talk to me because they have joined thier new click-y thing that i am not a part of...they get pretty annoying about it too. life is sucking right now. but i have no problem with solitude...this weekend should be fun. maybe ill get over myself and get over my depression problem and have some fire therapy, all this will be better in spring. Thats a fact.
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toki
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2005 23 March :: 10.23am
I don't want to update my journal. But I am. Woo hoo. Isn't this exciting?
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sweetyas
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2005 22 March :: 5.15pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: T.V.
Spring Break
So im going to puerto Rico for spring break. I'm sort of excited because i just want to leave the country. I lost focus. Stupid t.v.
give me a call, i want to get out of my house this weekend.
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angel_bob
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2005 17 March :: 10.11pm
I love you all, you know that right?
You all are totally awesome.
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toki
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2005 17 March :: 9.24am
:: Mood: angry
So…guess where I was last night? Guess….That’s right. I saw Les Mis. Quite sweet if you ask little old me. It was fun, but I was tired. Damn school is killing me.
This had been a weird week. Um…yeah. It went by surprisingly fast. I can’t tell if that’s good or not. I have to work tomorrow though and I really really don’t want to. I have to miss the poetry slam. :-( Urgh.
I’ve been in one of those moods recently where I’m insanely angry, but I don’t know why. Like…you know those days where you just want to get a box of expensive glass and throw it towards a brick wall? Yeah. So let’s pretend it’s Patrice’s birthday and get her glass objects to break. I would have a screaming party, but I can’t scream without coughing anymore. Poop. At least I’m getting better at holding my anger in. I haven’t exploded at anyone. In fact, I’ve been acting quite chipper this week. It’s not normal anger. It’s…I don’t know… it’s the kind of anger that slowly eats away rather then exploding right away. If that makes any amount of sense.
So I told myself I’d type up atlest some of my poetry today. But I kinda feel like writing an email to someone. Hm. I don’t know.
Watching Les Mis last night was crazy. Well, it was an awesome show to begin with. But the set had the windows like Melanie and I spent days on making square. And the music just brought me back to ushering and then to now and it’s crazy. Just crazy. Dude...Melanie...Les Mis was awesome. ::nods:: I know I’ve said this before, but we should go back to Les Mis. Minus a few factors. You know what I mean, ;-). Haha.
Okay dudes. I’m off to slack some more. Check ya later my supa fly G’s.
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angel_bob
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2005 16 March :: 7.03pm
I love this man. (I'm on a Smiths/Morrissey stint)
In October 2004, Morrissey released a politically charged statement urging American voters to vote against George W. Bush for President. Morrissey's statement was: "With all my heart I urge people to vote against George Bush. Jon Stewart would be ideal, but John Kerry is the logical and sane move. It does not need to be said yet again, but Bush has single-handedly turned the United States into the most neurotic and terror-obsessed country on the planet. For non-Americans, the United States is suddenly not a very nice place to visit because US immigration officers — under the rules of Bush — now conduct themselves with all the charm and unanswerable indignation of Hitler's SS. Please bring sanity and intelligence back to the United States. Don't forget to vote. Vote for John Kerry and get rid of George Bush!"
Don't read this part.
Read more..
I love you all.
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angel_bob
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2005 16 March :: 6.19pm
I went to my first official play practice today.
I have three or four more scenes that I'm going to be in but I already have a line and a stage movement that places me right in front of everything. Oh, and I have a line with a bunch of the other faires too.
I'm Fairy 13. 13 is one of my lucky numbers, too.
This week is taking way too long to end.
I love you all.
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sweetyas
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2005 15 March :: 12.40pm
:: Mood: happy
Irony
I believe one of the greatest ironies of my life is the fact that i am subscribed to a librel interest group. I am beyond doubt a conservative with social issues yet every week i get a moveon.org newsletter informing me of injustices done by republicans. If i had the ability to vote in hte last election i would have voted for bush.
I also would like to say today was awesome. At first i got two flowers. I talked people into buying me flowers. it made me feel so special, even though i told them to buy htem for me. But still i got flowers. yaya for yasamin's pity flowers. Second is jorie's response to my last entry i read and i was like omg jorie my day is so much better.
So i was thinking a trip down to chicago fro my birthday. What do you think? I wont pay for anything (maybe train tickets) but we would all go down and hangout in chicago just for fun. It would be an open invitation type deal. maybe have a sleep over afterwards. i dont know. i want to go down to chicago, but it is a lot of pre-planning.
I think im still in shock of teh awesomness of my friends. i dunno its weird. but i dunno. i guess it finally feels like i have good friends. See taht was my problem when i moved to the hills. I didnt have any friends and no one wanted to befriend me. But before the hills in the ville i had a lot of friends nad it was easy. Arg forget this.
Im too lazy to erase it so just ignore it.
Night
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angel_bob
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2005 15 March :: 8.33pm
I had my Blockbuster interview today. They pushed it back to 5 because the managers had some meeting or somesuch.
It was short. Really short.
I made the worst mistake ever too because I was nervous. I sat down without being asked or told to. Bleh.
I'll know by Monday if I made the first cut.
Thanks for the well-wishes, everybody.
I love you all.
3 three drinks behind |
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Angel_Bob
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2005 14 March :: 9.49pm
I have an interview at Blockbuster tomorrow at 4.
I'm scared to death and really nervous.
It's my first interview ever.
Wish me luck.
I need this job so I can pay for half of my tuition.
And so I can have Nick's cat.
Bleh. I'm scared.
I love you all.
P.S. I laugh.
1 three drinks behind |
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Angel_Bob
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2005 12 March :: 1.30pm
:: Mood: calm
I got a part as a fairy
Last night, I went over to Ben's to hang out with him and Nick. Jackie called Nick's cell around 11 and asked if we wanted to rent a movie and watch it at her house. I was a little tired, Ben said he was going to fall asleep but we all went over anyway.
It was snowing a lot. You could not see the road. We got to Jackie's then went out again to Blockbuster and rented Invader Zim.
Nick and Ben fell asleep fast. I was supposed to be home at 1:30 but Jackie's mom called and said it was snowing very heavily outside and you couldn't see the road. She told Jackie that she didn't want anyone driving home and we were all staying over.
I watched Invader Zim until 3ish. Nick was out pretty quickly (he had to work this morning) and Ben fell asleep pretty fast too. I slept on Jackie's pull out couch bed thing in her basement.
Nick woke me up before he left for work.
I woke up and got up at 11. Jackie dropped me off at home a bit after that.
I tried out for the school play (Midsummer Night's Dream) on Thursday. I made callbacks and they said they'd call if I got a part. They called yesterday while I was gone. I apparently got some fairy part. I'm a little disappointed but a lot relieved because I won't have a whole bunch of lines. I'm excited for the fairy costume and fairy makeup. Yay!
I don't see how I got the part of a graceful fairy with my dorky hobo dance and this song Kelly and I made up about a cat:
There was a cat
(There was a cat)
And he died
(And he died)
But he smelled fish
(But he smelled fish)
And he woke up
(And he woke up)
There was a cat
And he died
But he smelled fish
And he woke up!
Nine months for Nick and me today. I was going to try to get people together to go bowling. Nick's wanted to go bowling for a long time.
I love you all.
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toki
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2005 11 March :: 9.40am
:: Mood: Restless
No pressure
Yes. I am quite restless. I can’t sit still. I need to do something. I don’t want to go to band today. I have to tell Lestina my decision about orchestra. And I don’t know what to do. Honestly- right now- I don’t know what the hell I want or who I am or what is going to best influence my future. Lestina gave me a speech yesterday about how every decision I make from this point on is going to shape who I become. Uuummmm…. Is he aware of who he’s talking to? Let’s make this decision a little harder on you and tell you that your future character depends on whether you stay in orchestra or not!!! Sweet! No pressure. Okay. I don’t even know what college I want to go to or what I want to major in or if I want to stay at Rivertree or what I want for lunch. Most of those are life altering decisions. Let’s add orchestra to the list of life altering decisions that still need to be made. Good. I did need more things to not worry about.
Now remember…no pressure. Don’t make yourself crazy over these things! I mean, it’s just everything. But still…don’t drive yourself crazy over them. But the decision needs to be made… right now. Don’t worry though. If you get it wrong, you won’t have another chance. You only have one life. But still…no pressure. No pressure. Patrice…let’s do this. I won’t pressure you, I swear. But I’ll sit here and beg until you say yes. I’ll listen to you…as long as it’s the answer I want. Otherwise there has to be something wrong with you. What’s wrong with you? Nothing? No, it’s not nothing. Tell me. Don’t worry. I won’t get mad. There’s really not nothing wrong with you. Of course I know you better then you know yourself! I can just tell these things. Tell me…but really…no pressure. What? Did you say yes? Sweet. That must mean everything’s okay. Like I said…no pressure. Why do you look sad? You should have said no. Why do you worry like that? You think I won’t want to be with you anymore? Well it’s not true. That doesn’t matter. What? You tried saying no? Well…I’m sorry. Now I’m sad. Please don’t be mad at me. I don’t deserve to be forgiven. What? It’s all good. Okay, good. Like I said…no pressure. Patrice…come talk to me! We haven’t talked in ages! Did you do your homework? Yes?! That’s your only answer?! God! You never talk to me! Never! But I understand if you don’t want to. If I’m really that bad of a mother, it’s fine that you hate me. Really. No pressure. What? You’re tired? You want a day to relax? Well…I understand. Quit your job! Really! We’ll pay for everything! We told you we’ll only pay for a part of college…but hey! Who needs to pay tuition?! Like I said…quite working. You don’t need the money… Really…no pressure. What? Me? Depressed? No way! I’m happy now! In two minutes though, I’ll be sad again. And it’ll probably be your fault! Why? Why not! Because if I didn’t have kids, I wouldn’t be in this situation, I wouldn’t be married. I would be happy with my life. And you guys just keep bring me further and further down as I realize how much you hate me. But really…be honest with me. No pressure.
That probably makes no sense at all. But the bell’s going to ring soon and my eyes feel like they’re about to light on fire and fall out of my head.
PS- I’m insane. Just so you know.
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toki
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2005 10 March :: 9.23am
:: Mood: exanimate
Nazi Librarians
News of the day: Xanga is officially blocked on school computers. Gasp. I know. How am I going to be updated on everyone’s lives?! It’s a monstrosity. Wow, I spelled that right on the first try. I truly am a god. But really…what’s it going to help blocking Xanga from us? Because if you have a Xanga you probably have a billion other journals which aren’t blocked. So I guess it’s back to woohuing for me. ::shrugs:: It’s more fun anyways. Plus I know the thousands of you that read this journal will need updates o my life as well. :-P
So. I feel stupid. You want to know something? I’m a bad person. I’m a bad friend, a bad girlfriend, a bad sister, a bad daughter. Ryan got mad at me last night for not being…what’s that word? I don’t know. For being the one who sits and waits for him to say or do something. And the thing is… I know I do it. And I’ve known that it bothered him. Why do I do it then? I’m scared. God, I’m so scared. If I take the initiative, what if he doesn’t want to return it… you know? I know. I’m being stupid. But…god. He was telling me all these things that I don’t do and how it kind of bothers him. Simple things that should be completely obvious to me. Which they are, I just am evil and terrible and do nothing about it. What he said makes sense and I feel bad.
But, I don’t know. He got mad…well not mad…annoyed because I’ll be hugging him and then I’ll lose my balance and you know me…I’m a klutz. Plus…he’s taller then me. So to hug him I stand on my toes sometimes. Don’t ask me why. Then he’ll move and me…leaning on him while standing on my toes.... isn’t aware that he’s going to move, so therefore I lose my balance. I don’t know. Everything he said makes sense. But I’m clumsy beyond belief. After seeing a movie I can’t walk out of the theatre without tripping over my own feet. It’s not like I mean to lose my balance so often. So I don’t know what to think.
He deserves much better then me. In my eyes at least. I really really don’t think I deserve him. He’s so nice to me and I freak out about the stupidest things and he puts up with it. Holy hell. I just sound crazy now. You know what? I’m just really bad at showing that I care about him. You would think the girl is the one who gets annoyed because her boyfriend shows no emotion. But no. It’s quite the opposite in Patrice land. Quite scary, eh?
I just feel bad for not being good enough. And that’s my story. So it’s official. I’m heartless and cold and I need to be unselfish. ::nods::
I just took this allergy stuff to make me feel better. On the bright side…I can breath. The darker side…I can barely stay awake. Gov is going to be good fun today. ::commands you to sense the sarcasm:: But I am getting a smoothie after school maybe. Which rocks my socks which are really my brother’s but I ran out of socks today so I’m wearing them. My mom wants to get me tested to see if I’m anemic. But every time I think of that I word I say ameobic. Like amoebas. Hm. I want to write an email to someone. I wonder if aol works on these Nazi computers.
I still have the Kimis and her Smithis in my binder thing. It’s weird. Remind me to take it out. Just because it seems that I have a Kimis obsession. Which…as you all know…I do. But I can’t show it. Pish. Urgh. My eyes are starting to hurt. So this is where I stop. Adios mi mejores. (What does that mean? I don’t know either…)
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sweetyas
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2005 9 March :: 10.55pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: Nelly-Suit
Getting depressed AGAIN
You guys i hate this. I know i dont have depression and im not suicidal. But this random feeling of overwhelming sadness is killing me. Did u know i cried last night? Yea i dont cry, ever. I hate crying its an evil bitch. But i just couldnt handle life. I know i have it really good right now. I have pretty much everything i want. But im so damn lonely. I think a big part of it is that i dont express my problems with people.
Let's just be honest, i'm lost. I feel like i have to make my friends hang out with me. I'm having issues with melanie and just cant tell her. Omg does that girl not know me. i totally missed up my college applications. I so shud have applied to UofI but didnt. It would be the only college i could dorm at.
My parents hate me. Not me hate them, thye hate me. i cant get along with my brothers. i just wan tt o leavet hsi stupid country. i want to go alone somewhere. I want to do my awesome dream trip that will never happen. I wanted to go to the middle east thsi summer, but as we get closer i can see that im not going. I was so excited. But my mom had to do the trip last month during school/hell week. Now, when we talk about the summer trip its like we might go, maybe. not sure. And im just so pissed.
im screwed for life. im going to end up in a loveless abusive marriage with three kids and working in a job that i hate.
I aint lying, i'll see you in ten years.
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Angel_Bob
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2005 7 March :: 6.33pm
I love my mommy and her Lexapro
I'm not one to take drugs and I tell myself that no matter how I feel, there's no way I'm going to pop a Motrin for a gosh darn headache.
My momma. My mom has this thing (I have it too but I'm brushing it off as teenage jazz until I'm 22) where she gets depressed two weeks or so right around when she gets her period. But my momma had this miraculous thing called surgery and she don't get no Fred no more. She is now in that state that all women dream about: menopause.
But she still gets depressed. I know I've talked about this before. It's not like slit-my-wrists angst depression. She just doesn't want to go anywhere and doesn't want to do anything.
This is the momma I grew up with. I got used to that momma.
But now! My momma is on these pill things called anti-depressants. They make my momma not sad! My momma wants to do things! I love this momma!
So drugs are good. Especially when they make your mother even cooler than she was. Which, frankly, is darn near impossible since my mom was pretty awesome to begin with.
I heart anti-depressants.
I love you all.
3 three drinks behind |
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angel_bob
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2005 6 March :: 7.31pm
Dolphins...and the s-word
Not safe for Kyle.
Read more..
I love you all.
2 three drinks behind |
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Angel_Bob
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2005 6 March :: 5.12pm
Our computer is completely messed up. Ben came over earlier to see if he could figure it out. He couldn't. Nick said he wanted to see if he could figure out what's wrong so he took it for the night.
In other news, the xbox seems to be doing fine.
I love you all.
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Angel_Bob
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2005 6 March :: 3.01am
So it's three in the morning.
I think I'm going to go to bed.
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Angel_Bob
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2005 5 March :: 11.38pm
Sylvia Plath rocks
And his blood beating the old tattoo
I am, I am, I am.
1 three drinks behind |
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angel_bob
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2005 5 March :: 11.37am
So I'm awake.
I was thinking of going over to Kristy's because she offered free food but then I realized that Ray was probably going to be there.
And I'm not never in the mood to deal with him.
So my day's free. What do you want to do?
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goose
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2005 3 March :: 9.07am
dudes the play last night was amazing it was sooo good. It made me wish i didnt quit gymnastics...they were really good. Sandy and i laughed a lot, but sandy was uber loud. The tour was cool too because we got to go on the catwalk which was awesome. It amazed mye that they ;only had the 2 running crew members and the assistant stage manager and then the 5 cast memebers helping them out. They did "scene changes" i guess you could say while alice was still on stage but while she was doing rope acrobatic stuff... yeah it was really cool i was really glad i went plus, i got to scope out aparments...right blair? lol anywho i must depart to write a technical analysis on how to succeed in business without really trying.
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angel_bob
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2005 2 March :: 10.42pm
I recognized a song in a commercial. Couldn't remember who did the song.
Thank goodness for Tivo. Replayed episode, went to commercials, turned up the sound.
Googled lyrics.
The Postal Service - Such Great Heights.
I knew I recognized the song. Joe gave me their CD for my birthday. Technology is awesome!
I know what I'm listening to before I go to bed.
I love you all.
3 three drinks behind |
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angel_bob
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2005 2 March :: 4.03pm
I got a blogspot blog. I don't know why. I don't know what I'm going to do with it either.
My mom wasn't going to go to my conferences but my dad "doesn't think it's fair" that he goes to my sibling's conferences and doesn't go to mine.
So I'm quickly running through everything I might get reprimanded for. My dad is strict school-wise but my mom doesn't really mind as long as I don't fail, do my homework and do my best.
I have to write a paper for Psych 2. It was due on Monday but I stayed home from school so I'm turning it in tomorrow. I am, of course, finding the smallest reasons to procrastinate.
I also have to make a poster and print out some pictures for my Japanese presentation. I was supposed to present that on Monday. I should rewrite my script too.
I'm thinking of actually doing my Physics homework too. Oh, that's something I'll get lectured for not doing. I forget sometimes. I'll do it if I have time, which I will.
I'm going to go find reasons to not do my homework. I'll probably start it in an hour or so.
Maybe.
I love you all.
3 three drinks behind |
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Angel_Bob
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2005 1 March :: 8.16pm
So we had a snow day today.
My day was pretty cool. I woke up at around 11 because Nick surprised me by coming over. He is the best person in the world. He has only enough money for gas to and from school for the next week or two. I wasn't expecting to see him until I found a way over to his house somehow. It was really sweet of him to come over here and cheer me up when I'm sick.
I'm just sitting around waiting for House to come on. I don't have much to do really.
I'm feeling a lot better. I'm to that annoying part of my cold. I'm just congested and my nose is running a lot. Sorry for the information.
Anyway, I'll see you at school tomorrow. Half day!
I love you all.
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goose
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2005 1 March :: 8.59am
I can wirte when im angry, my writing is so much better when im angry in the past 2 days ive written 2 songs and 2 poems and im working on another...feels good
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angel_bob
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2005 28 February :: 4.27pm
:: Mood: bitchy
Stayed home sick.
I'm still feeling horrible. I'm starting to finish my Government views paper thing.
I might just go to the first three hours tomorrow. I have to go to Government even if I'm puking so I get free food and don't have to write a paper. Stupid mandatory attendance days.
I'm fine. Thanks for asking.
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toki
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2005 28 February :: 9.22am
:: Mood: lazy
:: Music: Is it really a brotherhood?
Yes sir..A brotherhood!
This weekend was overall coolish. Strike was fun. The fan club will never die. And neither will my space contacts. Tehehe. Oh man. I wish I was a freshman again. Wouldn’t that be fun? I think it would. Much woopage to the Sandy Kimis. ‘Tis soooo cute. Haha. Okay, really. I have to stop procrastinating. Poo Pooo Poooooo.
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goose
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2005 28 February :: 9.20am
woo happiness. Dont know why. I think it was just cuz the show is over and i got to hang out with people last night, it was fun. I havent done that in a long time, and in an even longer time with Jackie Jorie and Sandy. And i did have a hot fudge brownie sundae for dinner...lol. So im going to go to bed tonight! I have to remember to do fafsa too...thats due march 1st i believe. I applied to clc today, even though i got accepted into millikin yesterday. Still need to do an interview. Im cold
I had a very good birthday, it was very good thank you.
and many people are saying that the cast party sucked, well i think it was the best one yet. And i do know why that was, it was fun. except when sparky dropped me, me elbow still hurts and so does my eye but only when i touch it so i just wont do that.
I have a typewriter with earrings hehe
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