::
2004 2 July :: 5.52 pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: nothing at all
humm just wonderin
Do this and post it back to me in a comment...
What Would You do if...
I cried:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got in a fight and you were there:
I got dumped:
I pissed you off:
What Do You Think Of My...
Personality:
Eyes:
Face:
Hair:
Clothes:
Voice:
Humor:
Choice of music:
Mannerisms:
Family:
Friends:
Decisions:
Would You...
Be my friend:
Tell me the truth no matter what:
Lie to make me feel better:
Spread rumors about me:
Keep a secret if I told you one:
Loan me some cash:
Hold my hand:
Take a bullet for me:
Keep in touch:
Try and solve my problems:
Love me:
Have Sex with me:
Ditch me:
Use me:
Date me:
Rape me:
Beat me up:
1 ~*::star |
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2004 11 June :: 4.07 pm
:: Mood: scared
:: Music: whatevers on the tv'
I'm alone in my own home. I'm afraid I turn up the T.V. to drown out anyother sound. In the back of my mind theres still a silence and a realization of another sound. I constantly feel like someones watching me. Not to long ago I woke up with a sence of something wrong. A mans hands lie at my window sil pushing up my window I lay still calling out my friends name. I only had it open a little waiting for my friend to come. The next day I called her the answer already in my head the one I knew she'd say "no I wasn't at your house last night". The scarey part is the evidence. There was something by my tree outside where he ran I never told anyone about I never went to look at it. At least not that night. It wasn't the fear that stopped no no that wasn't it the fear came later. I think it was my intelligence. I senced him still lingering. I stayed up that night with my window and all the doors locked with a large knife in my hand. I'm sure...... I'm sure he's been in my house before because you know that feeling you get when someone has been in your house who wasn't suppose to be there maybe you only know it if something like that happened to you, but I feel it every day. He's been in here and I'm sure he knows my house quite well. You say I'm crazy or I'm making it up, but you will believe whatever you want until the day it happens to you. When you have to constantly look over your shoulder. Even in your own home. So when you hear the whispers and the breathing in the back of your mind wake up get up get ready and go. The night the man was at my window I didn't get scared not at first. The fear came later because I knew I had to defend myself scare him worse than he scared me. I took a knife from my kitchen the biggest one we had. I would have killed him if he came near me I felt that strength. I only knew because my cat meowed and meowed. My cat meowed, but I knew he had before everynight when he got locked in my room so I knew I was already awake when I heard that. Details are usually not remembered from those incidents unless they are lies, but this is truth because when something like that happens something that is a big deal to me I remember every bit I can. I think it was my nieghbor from a few years ago Danny he broke into my house in 1999 I was 10 I remember that because I was grounded for my birthday for stealing from Albertson's and we went to Danny's Birthday Party, his 5oth the same day as my birthday it was sometime before summer. My mom and him got very drunk and they talked until they were both very sober. Soon after that day, I came home from school and police were all around my house. I thought my mom was dead or they came for me. but luckily they werent for me and my mom was smart and called the police. My cat saved her in a small way he stalled Danny while my mom was on the phone. I never stopped blaming myself for that day because I left the backdoor unlocked just like I fell asleep with my window open. So both break-ins' were technically my fault. I wish you could forget things like that, but I can't I can't stop thinking my mom might have died I might have died. I can't stop thinking how lucky I am. Its the irish and the intelligence the way we act and not react and the sence of something wrong.
Live life like theres no tomorrow because what if there isn't. I don't want to have to go threw life doing something that I'm for the end of I want to be able to liv threw it and enjoy myself.
L.O.V.E always
e p e a
g e r s
s n y y
5 ~*::stars::*~ |
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2004 10 June :: 4.06 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
You Should Cook: Wickedly Wonderful Wings
Spicy enough to set the both of you on fire...
And a touch of honey to ensure a sweet life together.
Plus, with protein and vitamin B - you'll have plenty of stamina
Here's how to make it:
2 t vegetable oil
1/2 onion, finely chopped
1 garlic clove, crushed
1 T clear honey
2 T ketchup
2 T Worcestershire sauce
1 t mustard
1 t chili sauce
4 chicken wings
1 T flour
salt and pepper
Heat the oven to 400F. Heat the oil in a small pan, add the onions and garlic and fry for 5 minutes, or until
softened. Stir in the honey, ketchup, Worcestershire sauce, mustard, and chili sauce. Cover and simmer
gently for 1-2 minutes.
Put the flour on a plate and season with salt and pepper. Turn chicken in the seasoned flour to coat
evenly, then brush liberally with the sauce from the pan. Place chicken wings on a baking tray and cook
in the oven for about 30 minutes, or until browned and cooked through.
Serve piping hot.
What Sexy Meal Should You Cook?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
3 ~*::stars::*~ |
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2004 7 June :: 10.39 pm
:: Mood: artistic
:: Music: to zion
once upon a dream ...i woke up
Once upon a dream...I woke up to somehthing~livable...never satisfied when i'm happy, or when I'm sad I'm always happier with me. People should be satisfied with happiness and a good life. I guess I'm better off sad and lonely. It's my comfort zone it gives me something to think about to dwell on to change. When I smile I mean truely show I'm happy I feel guilty like I don't deserve to be happy or to smile. I left a place I call home and apart of me was left there alone. Now here I am half-n-half two lonely parts one here. Another there floating further away on a big yellow raft. My body separating forever. Yet is that really me don't you see....I'm not my high cheek bones, my smile, my eyes,my slim arms and legs. Is that me? NO!, those are just my features my exterior, what protects me, but my only protection from me and everybody is the brick wall I built up around me. I am my realization of being. Which lies deeper than bone, muscle, and skin. It flows more deeply than blood and is more than my mind. Its a connection between me and everything that is who I am. I'm an individual and the only reason why you can't understand this is your blinded by ignorance. You can't read more deeply into the print and follow your heart and instinct rather than your mind and logic to see who I really am or maybe you don't give a damn. "Whatever" it doesn't matter I never really expected anything from anyone anyway.
*Wond3R*FuLL*
I once wondered how and why. I wondered where and when. Once this wonder started I wondered when it would end. I wondered long and hard how could I pretend and then I finally realized there wasn't any reason to try and mend a broken past. I wondered why forgiveness was so hard to recieve and now I believe it's because we can't completely achieve forgetfulness and move on although we may want to. I wondered for awhile and never really stopped. I still wonder to this very day why and then soon after I give up finding no good explanation for why.
LOVE always june...
~*::shooting stars::*~ |
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2004 6 June :: 10.04 pm
:: Mood: distressed
:: Music: sugercult underwear
Dream ... Truth / Dream...Crazy is it a Dream or Reality?
Many people throughout my life have told me many things about myself and about life. One of the most frequent things I hear is you don't always get what you want or this one good things happen to good people. Well one thing I want is to have ended the year with the friends I had in the beginning and the new ones I made throughout the year. Well yes you may not always get what you wanted, but what if you are the only one preventing that. What if the reason is people don't know exactly what they want because they don't know the consiquences. In my opinion dreams and reality are only one step away from one another to get to the other all you have to is go to sleep or wake up. What if you never went to sleep or woke up what if you just appeared to have.
If you can get everything you want in dream why can't you in reality and who's to say this isn't a dream. Who's to say you can't have it all just because it's not logical. Who's to say we have to die' just like dreams we created our own reality. We create our world and who we are and will be. Dreams might be an unbelievable reality, and reality might be a believable dream. That doesnt make them anything, but what we ourselves make of them.
*SORRY PERSONAL THOUGHT*
I know I'm a wierdo to anyone who doesn't understand.
~*::shooting stars::*~ |
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2004 5 June :: 11.58 pm
:: Music: none
My Dad and I don't see eye to eye...
My Dad and I don't see eye to eye... There's opinions we have and they are so different. He so worried about one person himself and then his family. Me on the other hand I'm worried about the people who need my help. Some say I'm a good person and they don't know why. I didn't realize until recently, but it's because when it comes to my friends and people who need me I put myself last to help someone else. Honestly answer this: If their was a building and it was on fire and you only had one escape the stairs and they were about to burn down and there was another guy in the building and one of you would live the other would die would you go or would you save him? Let's just say you were happy with your life everything was gong okay you had kids would you want them to think that you scarificed yourself so someone else could live or would you want them to think you let someone die?Let just give the story another twist this guy is a bum would your answer change? If you said you would save him he lets you go because you already told him about your family and he has no one and firefighter come and save him later hes just fine and so are you. If you said you would save yourself firefighters come and save him but you were knocked out and burn to death on the stairs for selfishness will be the end of you. At least thats what I believe... that everything happens for a reason even if you let him go first you may still have died but at least you did what you felt was right. Well I can answer that easily I would save the other guy. I know it may sound stupid, but to me it's the right thing to do. Well just like that I think you need to let kids go and experience things for them selves. You can't forever hold them hostage. Why? am I stating that your, a kid too if your reading this and you probably feel the same. Some of you will change become over protective and some of you won't. I think some parents care so much they smother their children and other don't care enough and some care just right and others care in all the wrong ways. I care. I think everything has a cause and will happen if its suppose to. I believe we should help each other. I believe the way we are and turn out has everything to do with the way we are treated at home and by others. Some people have their heads so far up their asses they can't see both sides of things so they believe what they want to. Some are so concerned with popularity that they don't realize it won't matter very much later on . Some are so stuck on being so different that they turn out to be just the same theres only so much orignality you can have anymore. Some are so stuck on being the same that they hide who they really are and actually distance themselves. Everyone should be proud of who they are enough to accept it take chance and not think about what others think or say. I can wake-up in the morning put a smile on but that doesn't make it real. I can wake-up in the morning put a smile go to school wearing that same smile and in the end someone will smile back and make my smile mean something and feel real. Sometimes I see things I think others don't sometimes I judge myself and over analyze myself to much and I start to self destruct all because of what someone else might think. Well here it is I don't care what anyone thinks anymore. I'm going to do what I want when I want and I'm not going to let anyone hold me back I'm not going to be unhappy with myself later because some people are unhappy with me now. If you don't like me for who I am how can you like yourself for who you are? I'm not saying anyone has to like me or accept me I'm just asking for a chance. I'm not the trendy one I'm not the possuer I'm the outcast the individual do you know why? Unlike so many I'm no longer tring to please the crowd by doing the trendy thing. I'm going to do the right thing. I'm going to do what makes me happy and not let others influence or effect my life negatively. You set standards for yourself for things you want to achieve each day well I want to be set apart from others by my maturity. I like me I actually do. I'm not conceited, but I like the way I am I like the way I dress and express myself. I don't like the way I look I don't like some of my habbits I don't like letting others down and I don't like making myself feel bad because I don't think I'm good enough or up to other peoples standards. Forget others standards like I always say I'm living for me I have a mind of my own I know I'm smart. Don't put me down because you don't think so put yourself up realize that you are just as good as me because you are. I'm not putting anyone down I think everyone needs a self realization maybe I can help maybe I can't and maybe you'll take in what I say and maybe it won't mean a "Damn" thing to you.
Love yaz all !
p.s
PLEASE DON'T >>>>
Don't judge me or
put labels on me.
Don't order me or
classify me.
Don't asess me or
compare me.
Don't conform me or
try and break me.
Don't lower me to what you
think you are or what think I should be
raise yourself to who you and what
you could be.
Don't think about me or
wonder why you'll never
really knw for sure.
Don't talk behind my back
its a pointless waste of
time, energy and your
breath.
Don't discourage me or
tear me down.
Don't try and make everything
I do have a logical explaination.
Don't torment me in
incantations.
Dont destroy me or
my name.
Don't understand me
well I'm not the one
to blame for that anymore.
Don't be ignorant
open your eys and you
will see.
Don't make untrue
assumptions about me.
There will be some who take offense to this but that only because they are guilty of the thoughts or doings above.
We all judge I know but not all of us allow our judgements to stick.
2 ~*::stars::*~ |
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2004 3 June :: 6.29 pm
When?
When you change
I can't change with you.
When you leave
I can't follow you.
When I changed
I understand why you did not persue,
but don't you see although I have changed
I'll never change my love for you.
When you said good~bye
I thought my world would fade and die.
When you told me to fuck off!
I stayed and laugh it off.
When I said it was over
I never really meant it
I just needed to believe it to avoid my own pain again.
When you walked away
I wondered if it was the end,and then I remembered circles never stop spinning.
When you told me
I was worthless I really felt I was.
When I finally got strong
I destoyed everything, and it all came out wrong.
When it was all over
I was heartbroken and I think you were too.
When it was over
I asked if you were and no reply came from you.
When all this happened
I assumed you had to stay strong and keep a smile on like everyone, but me expects of you.
When you cried in front of me
I felt like you never cried in front of anybody.
When I think about it
I wonder why you did, and feel greatful because I saw the softer side of you.
When I look back
I wonder now was it ever meant to be between you, and me, and then like always i realize what you'd say ...no it wasn't meant to be.
I'm hoping maybe I'm wrong, but you don't give straight out answers so I guess I'll never know and it wrong for me to assume, but I don't know if you've noticed, but I changed for the better not the worst, but i guess this relationship is cursed.
When will it be okay for you, and me?
*Questions forever can you answer them*
love always june
~*::shooting stars::*~ |
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2004 30 May :: 9.45 pm
:: Mood: pleased
:: Music: Creed six feet from the edge (fitting for the situtation)
dont you see it yet
Im a person with feelings. I know most of you don't give a rats ass, but to the few that do thanks. I don't know how some people sleep at night knowing they did nothing to help someone. They just brought them down into misery with them. Misery oh boy does she love company well I try to avoid bringing people down with me. You want to know what I do? I tell people the truth about them selves its their choice to take it in accept it and change it or make it better. I just want to help because thats who I am.I want to be there because thats how I am. I say I will always be there because I know I always will be even after death I will be in the hearts of all those who my memory stayed alive in. I swear it forever I will never walk away from someone in need if I can help even alittle. I won't just walk away with out a fight. You think I'm crazy, you think I'm wierd, you think I'm different, you think Im lifeless, you think I'm odd, you think Im unique, you think I'm all of this and your probably right but at least I accept what I am and embrace what do you do run from it well I'm not afraid I don't give a damn what you think about me. I'm not afraid to be different and admitt what I am are you?
Question your self always .
*loves ya much*
1 ~*::star |
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2004 31 May :: 9.17 pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: pennywise- victim of reality and My own way (perfect song right now)
god damn fuck it fuck it fuck it
God....!!!! All I ever wanted was to be what my parents wanted me to be. I wanted them to be happy and then I realized this is my life not theirs. They can disown me now I don't need them anymore. I'm sick of them complaining about me. I'm sick of the constant teasing. I'm sick of the judgements and assumtions coming from them. I wish I could just wake up and do nothing have to deal with nothing. I wish all my social anxieties were relieved. I wish I could live again. When I was younger you couldn't even make me feel a little bit ashamed about my self because I didn't know what shame was. Now that I do I wish I could once again be ignorant to it unaware of its exsistance. If I could do my whole life over again I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to relive hell. I wouldn't want to live with malisious parents again. I don't need the constant pains in my heart waking up. I don't need the constant let downs. I don't need them anymore. Fuck it! Fuck it! Fuck it!. I should just leave but I can't put them threw the shit they put me threw. So I deal again another day I put up with all their bullshit all the insanity for what ?? To make them happy once again. I need an escape some XTC would be nice.
i don't know what i want.
i want nothing i want it all.
i don't want you im so confused.
i need you here.
i want to push you away.
your my everything.
i don't know what to expect.
i want you to know how i feel.
i don't want this hurt anymore.
i need you to feel just how i do.
i want you to understand.
your nothing to me anymore.
standing there i'm all alone.
i'm reaching out frustrated
and you'll never understand.
you look at me and you see
a niave little girl.
you only see what you want
to see not what is actually me.
so wake up look a little deeper.
you hear it so offten well i
mean it looked deeper i'm
not as shallow as you think.
You were my world now all
i want is for you to
get the Fuck out of it.
i love you peoples
how i can still say that i dont know
~*::shooting stars::*~ |
::
2004 29 May :: 11.07 pm
Do you ever get those feelings like something happened to you, but you don't know what and it completely changed you. No one seemed to notice the difference except you. You were broken torn from the outside in. You felt it was your fault and could not be forgiven.You hid the truth inside of you. You as though you were weak and it was your fault, but it wasn't your not to blame. You can't change the past or forget things of importance, but you can move on and make the best of things, and be strong. You can't help what you do or don't do for that matter you can only try. You can't make you self feel something you don't. You can't walk away although it may seem so easy.I waked away so many times before and behind me slamed each door until walls were built up around me. I'm afraid in here alone no one can reach me I feel nothing here but lonliness ugliness shame and frustration. All I ever asked for was for people to listen not like me, but listen just put yourself in my shoes for a day and live my life. You don't know what imprisonment is like until you hold yourself captive afraid of who you are. Afraid of what you have done. Your pieces of everyone you have ever met or thought about. I'm pieces of you because no matter what you say everyone contributes to who you become whether or not you realize it or except it. I wish people looked at me and saw the truth or maybe alittle bit of themselves I wish they could feel, feel it so I wouldn't have to try and express it theres no words to explain me or who I really am. You think you know understand or comprehend I'm not saying you can't I'm just saying theres so many who are unwilling to. John theres no need for you to leave a post to this I already no what you will say. You will say what I dont want to hear at least not from you cause I have heard it alot and already know how you feel and I'm happy you like me enough to make me happy that way but its ok this time I need someone else to agree with you. You will say I'm incredible and great you'll say I'm pretty and I know you'll mean it and thats wonderful, but this time I need to hear from someone anyone else, but its not even that. I need someone to care who never cared before to wake-up realize and have me touch a part of them so deeply it burned a hole and they remebered these words and it meant something to them it meant so much that although they may have hated me they wanted so much not to hate the more they read, and they gave me a chance talked to me and wanted to understand. I don't know maybe I'm one of the few who is actually good at that or maybe there are others who are good at it lots of them its just I'm not afraid to admitt I'm wrong, but I'm also not afraid to be right to speak up when others have something to say and they won'tsay it. I'm not afraid to tell people the truth and I'm not afraid anymore of being me. I'm not ashamed although I should be according to so many .I'm me, but I want someone to understand the truth in me someone new and someone true.
i <3 u john
i <3 everyone
please leave a post if you give a damn if not than fuck the hell off i don't give a damn what you have to say cause it'll only break me down more & fuck with your conscience.
1 ~*::star |
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2004 28 May :: 7.46 pm
this is so me and john
gaaaaa
i heart u john i had so much fun at the beach today with u mr flannigan was so not wanted maybe he was him tho.
hummmm.
~*::shooting stars::*~ |
::
2004 26 May :: 10.45 pm
:: Music: commercials on the radio
Babysitter's Club... OH! BOY!
Today I babysat three really sweet and cute boys.....(don't worry john your still my number 1) Ne*way I had to feed them shower them change there dippars play with them dress them the whole shabang. It was actually fun though. Their mom is really nice she fed me paid me and it was so easy there was only one problem Mathew threw sand in Bobby's eye but he was fine.
**Wellp thats about it for today im to tired to add on and stuffs**
One day left John!<33
I love everyone bye bye
leave a non hating comment and if you
must leave a hating comment leave your name pussies...or your journal link.
1 ~*::star |
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2004 25 May :: 8.49 pm
Today Brandi, John and I all hung out. I think John would have rather been alone with me, and I felt the same, but I couldn't be a bitch to Brandi.We basically talked and last saturday the 22 of May was mine and john first kiss at about 11pm oh yeh.... I like him alot I wish he knew how much. He's such an awesome person ohp he iming me gtg bye bye ....loves ya guys
10 ~*::stars::*~ |
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2004 24 May :: 10.25 pm
Little Hiden Secrets ....The Truth is Now Revealed
You never really realize how much you know and have gained from all your losses until you write down all your problems and flaws and then it dawns on you.You didn't learn the majority of what you know from you parents, but from you experiences. Like me you already know if you have been following up my moms a drunk and somewhat abusive and my dads abusive and although until recent I feared telling people I stopped feeling the need to hide thanks to two very great people recently taking the time to get to know those people are Erica and John. I'm so thankful for them to me Erica is like a sister I told her everything about my life my problems with coping with my grandmother and step sisters death my drugie aunt my suicidal mother whos attempted not only to take her own life, but mine as well my dad beatings and words and his attempted rape incident I told her it all in detail. Things I wish I could tell John, but as much as I know he won't reject me I'm still afraid of the reaction and generally him hating my parents for it. I found a way to forgive forget and move on and now I feel its time to stop hiding and keeping secrets. Iuse to cut don't be alarmed it was once over a whole lot of shit and I gave in and it was stupid and i wish i hadn't because now I look at the deeply indented scars and I don't wonder why, but yet another question creeps in which is how. How could I and then i think the best way to quit is resolve the prolem deep down and tell others why they shouldnt do it soooo.... Don't pitty me please I don't need it nor do I want it don't tell me your sorry for me I'm fine and still living life and everyday things get a little bit better new friends and relationships are formed and old ones kept. Life seems flawless in the present with two new found friends although Erica seems more to me like a sister like I personal need her in my life for a reason and John I "heart" him and need him he's making me so happy with me and my over all life thank you guys and Kristi and BBMAK and Joey and Nicole and Jamie and Laura you guys have helped me through alot and given me second chances so thankz. Now you know a little bit more about the world in which I live in.
Worlds apart
separately
common grounds
come between you and me
and we see somewhat eye to eye
we relate
and yet you never
noticed it before
not like I did not
like I knew
I saw
in something I needed
and I will never forget
how you forgave
and forgot
I will never forget the second chance you gave me to get to know me
I will never for get the
good words you have said to me
although the bad are far
behind me now and
all I can think is how much I care about you and need you like I never would have thought
I never knew someone who
I thought hated me and could never change that opinion of me
could understand me so well
and have so much in common
with me I'm thankful
I'm thankful for you
and everybody who's
touch me in a special way.
*Dedicated*
mainly to Erica, but also
includes the other people
named above thankz
much to all of you. you've
helped me threw so much
and made my life more
livable so I lovez ya 4 that...!
2 ~*::stars::*~ |
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2004 5 May :: 6.17 pm
another day another piper high stabbing
another day another stabbing .... piper high schools isolated insidence are turning into once a year type thing. Piper high is turning into the death bed of children. When they say you'd be lucky to get out of high school alive usually its a metaphor but piper takes that saying to a literal context. I wonder why piper can't keep the student population under control? Maybe its all the extra minority from hollywood that should even be at our school. Could that be it sence marjority of fights stabbings and stealing is usually with the minorities not to say I'm prejudice just to say they are pride loving look at them the wrong way and you've got a fight on your hands. Good thing I'm pretty much a stay to yourself type and i get along with most anyone.
hate hate who do we appreciate?
obviously no one anymore.
we turn around and slam the
doors clean up do our daily chores
but what do we get nothing for it.
we learn to hate we're born to love
we walk out when we're needed
the most and walk in unwanted.
our lives are short and others
tend to make them shorter.
you ask my opinion on whether
the glass is half full or have empty
assume what i will say is empty.
Look around and all you see is death
the old are dying the young are
just trying to survive and you
ask me if we are alive im not going
to lie we're all going to die.
so how are we to even try to fight
another day another night .
bye love yaz
4 ~*::stars::*~ |
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2004 9 May :: 1.44 pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: Techno/Trance
Fatherly Fued.... Forget-me-nots
Today I got hit again.... by my dad I still feel the stinging although it was hours ago.
This time I'm not resorting to self-mutilation but silence. I'm not speaking to him until he appologizes. He became that monster from years ago to take out all his stress on me to make me feel sorry like everything is my fault like I deserve it when I dont.*tear*
love every1 alwayz ....june
This is why so many of my peoms
start out like this.... Broken apart
laying there on the floor. Torn to
pieces inside and out. Father you
are my reason don't scream and
shout. You ask me what's wrong
why am I crying again. My answer
is simple its you again. Your not my
father your not my friend. You leave
forget-me-nots all along my lifes'
bend. Your breaking me shattering
my whole. I don't respect you I fear
you there is a difference you know.
I don't love you I fear you so... I
just pretend day after day. I have the
cuts the bruises the welts the nail
indentations the only thing I don't have
is your sorry for all of it, but your not
sorry because its my fault again
didn't it feel great to take out your
stress on me guilt free at least some
one gets the luxury. At least someone
finds me useful for something I can
only wish for something alittle better
to comfort me eventually maybe.
~*::shooting stars::*~ |
::
2004 6 May :: 3.53 pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: none
irony
Isn't it ironic .....the way things turn out ? I like a boy at my school named John. He knows I like him but the ironic thing is we met before at a bus stop at sawgrass. According to my friend he told her he liked me then and want to get to know me thats why him and his friends invited me to drink. Me being an idiot said no and supposely he thought i was scared i wasnt though, but to get to the real point we have the same forht hour i turned out liking him and now he has a girlfriend ohh well i doubt he still likes me. May i still have chance but i doubt it I think he likes Diana my friend Katies cousin. Its always nice to hope though.
To me .....John is one of the nicest and coolest and funniest people i like and we have a hate in common we both hate Aaron and think he's an idiot ... Yesterday we were talking and i wish i told him Iliked him but he already knows that and I wish I told him i wasn't proud of my cuts but the scares remind me of why Ihate it so much and that i don't do it anymore and i never did it for attention I did it because of my dad and i know thats stupid but it wouldnt be if you knew the depressing details... Any way that all I have to say someone please comment and please don't leave a pathetic hate comment.
7 ~*::stars::*~ |
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2004 3 May :: 8.55 pm
hey guyz wellp heres whats up im in a situation again only this time its with guys which one i should go for john mohawk i doubt he likes me or my friend katies boyfriends brother ..... shes tryin to hook me up with him .... i got 80 dollars stolen it was my b-day money it got stolen out of my ourse during lunch ..... ahhhh im so mad but im taking it well no more money at school but the only reason i brought it was i was suppose to go shopping directly from school what ever the person who stolen looked like that needed it more than me ...
i hate liar and thieves and cheaters oh well nothing i can do now...
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2004 1 May :: 7.10 pm
¶pathetic inresponsible sheltered afraid lost wanders. blank minded unintelligent children. thats what they think when your their own child. brave courageous responsilbe why cant you be just like your friend. intelligent open minded accepting children that what others think of you.....¶
¶broken thoughts every where
lost in the seas of shouting and
pointless fighting im drowning
it out with the flush of water
running over me everywhere is
a place to run to but mylife is like
running threw an endless white
box with nowhere to hide im
stuck.¶
¶The weekends use to be my get away and grounding use to drive me crazy. Now i could careless. I can't fix the past i can only hope I won't make another stupid mistake like skipping school. I wish my parents would just let me off I wish they could forget and let it go. Well friday was the best i have had in awhile i made alot of new friends and over came fear the funny thing is it was in my own class. I should have been friend with these people for awhile but i was to scare to talk to them.¶
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2004 28 April :: 10.34 am
im sitting here at school with two idiots playing hand games ....ooooo lala (nooooo sicko not those hand games) miss mary mack and i went to a chinesse restrurant .. humm sound like an 80's flash back jam ... wellp im bored and this girl hilary just asked me if i was a virgin and sara asked me if i smoked both yes ...... so yeh ohh yesterday was interesting i got my boobs measured and paid to make p with sum girlie ..... and oiiii i dont remember the rest .... wow this moron thought i actuaclly got my boobs like measured with a tape measure.
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2004 27 April :: 6.03 pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: theme song to knock first
new
poetic justice, justifing yourself doesnt make it right it doesnt even really justify whats wrong . You've given me your answer justified it but my belief in what you say is lacking. You portray a fake person with lies all around so why should i believe you now why should i believe your justification justifies what you have done....
humm...
i never write about shattered love i never had i never write about depressed moments i never lived i never hold on to memories that didnt exsist i dont hold your hand even tho we kissed i missed u so much even tho your reason for leaving is the same as the one for you staying every tear i cried all because of you dont u c it i loved you empty feelings nobodys home all alone an unchosen predicament left here to weep...
-undedicated
love lost symphony broken record still playing in my mind for things replaying unstopped they just seem to get to the end and rewind ... everything here is broke i wish i could step threw the mirror to the other side where the grass is greener and tears i no longer have to hide...memories are just left behind to remind you of screw ups to pain people and cause another rebuilt heart ache...why...............??
-undedicated
unappreciated repremanded unconcerned typically lacking understanding unexplanitory worthless*?'s*
new poems and stuffz
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2004 22 April :: 2.37 pm
today i got two hot kids numbers and yesterday i got asked out by this black dude not that im rasist but i said no and he kept asking and threatened to tell my crush i liked him so yea ...ne wayz im still ground and bored and i got str8 c+'s surprising sence i skipped 19 days lasy quarter...big mistake i thought it was less but its on the report card..my b-day is in 4 days i cant wait so yea....jamie doesnt hate me as much ne more so im a happy kid ...ohhh and i think this kid joey maybe likes me it seems like it but i dunno i think hes just a flirt ....cheeee ;)
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2004 17 April :: 9.17 pm
dont judge me .... unless you know for a fact what im about thank.dont leave comments unles you think i will care and dont bother with saying i label myself when i dont and if you think im 12 fuck u get the fuck outta here with that shit no no dont even bother reading my shit just get the fuck out!!!!o yeah and im sorry i dont exactly read what i write and check for errors i just sort of type endlessly and lose myself in a thought so yeah basically this is for me and a few close friend to look back AND REMEMBER THE PAST AND STUFFS...
kk bye loves ya
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2004 16 April :: 11.02 pm
day before
a basketball shoot in to a hoop can it determine whether you truely love someone or not because i shoot hoops the other day and i said allowed "do i love jamie" and i made the basket everytime so does that mean im good at baskets or i was so determined to prove i truely did that i made it in three times until i started asking other questions i dunno i guess it wierd or maybe it was luck but im not good at shooting baskets so i dunno ... i also asked do i love my friend jess and i made it in everytime also so yeh everyone that i care about i made it in for so i guess maybe if your truely determined to prove something if its that true you'll make the basket on the court or in life ... so yeh
determination
takes people so far
not all have it which is true
by far some lost it over time
others born with it and some
that never had it .
determination
its worth so much to me
which is exactly why
i work so hard to get what
i want and to get what i need
some call it stubborn i say why
settle with less than the best.
determination
it not easy to achieve
its not easy to believe in
yourself to complete
what your determined to do
it may take sweat
it may take tear or a fake
smile but if your determined
you'll complete your
goal and prove what you
set out to,
determination.
i heart ya
3 ~*::stars::*~ |
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2004 14 April :: 4.31 pm
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You Are Not a Gold Digger
You go out of your way to take care of everything in your life.
Including money - which you've got plenty of, thank you very much.
And you have no intentions of being a trophy girlfriend for some bald guy.
Just make sure that hottie you met isn't scheming to be your boy toy!
As a successful woman like you knows, gold digging goes both ways these days.
|
Are You A Gold Digger? Take This Quiz :-)
Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Your Seduction Stye: "Fantasy Lover"
You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you!
Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter.
You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you
You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable
Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life
By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover.
Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives
Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours
No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.
What Kind of Seducer Are You?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
i dont really think its to tru but hey i was honest
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You are Ready to Date Again
If you're not out there already, you should be.
Your ex is long gone from your heart, and you are ready for another relationship.
Any guy you meet gets a clean slate - and no emotional baggage.
Congratulations, you've gotten completely over him.
Now, on to a better guy :-)
Are You Ready to Date Again?
Take This Quiz :-)
Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
|
You've Got Guys Lined Up Around the Block
While your little black book isn't as thick as Paris Hilton's...
You get the most dates of any girl you know
It's your whole five star package that attracts men -
Your looks, your charm, and your ability tie a cherry with your tongue.
|
Are You Attractive? Take This Quiz :-)
Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.
hahaha thats b/s i can say it myself
~*::shooting stars::*~ |
::
2004 14 April :: 4.01 pm
every thing happens for a reason thats something i have been known to say alot ... and sometimes things happen to make things better for u even if they seem to be getting worse...it easier tho to just move on instead of trying to make things better its easier to give up when thing seem to have lost there worth but it doesnt always make things better... things happen to make you wiser to show u how to deal...everyones got problem no one worse than the other just different and although you in pain now or your mad sometime its best to grin and bare it and sometime you need to get things off your chest... i finally did when i told jamie what i told her but the thing i found it is i was more mad at myself than anything else and i needed to vent i vented to the wrong person and things were said and everyone got hurt because of me ... and people think i pretend to be a better person than i am but i actually am a good person so i apologized and although she hates me i feel better that i tried to fix things with us and that we are talking again... im happier now that we went through the transition we went through it thought me alot about me and people ... do ever wonder where you would be if u went the other route if u chose a different direction i use to i dont anymore ...every mistake i have made i made because i needed to because there was a reason and something for me to learn from it ... soooo that leaves me here with experience on so many different choices to help other people if they need or want it... so loves ya leaves ya
poem
if this is where my path
leads then i will follow it
the whole way down but
if im meant to take another
route turn me back around
set my feet in the direction
im meant to follow and i
will follow it the whole way
down i wont stray until the
day my path is meant to go
another way i need my freedom
so let me go and i will follow
my own path set my own way
but i will follow it the whole
way down until things
change again and i have to
cut a new path in the
road of life but i will follow
my path the one set for me
the whole way even if it
changes even if turns show
and even if i dont know or
cant see where im about
to go i will follow my path
the whole way down until the
end because even the
straightest roads bend...
*bye love yaz muah*
~*::shooting stars::*~ |
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2004 9 April :: 11.03 pm
i wish i could point out
just where it hurt tell
someone whish boo boo
to kisss and make better
but i cant figure out where
the pain started and
im not even close to
meeting the end.i wish
i could say just how to
fix it and where the
fixing is needed and
i wish people understood
and didnt judge just
because of there
ignorance ...ignorance
is the cause of all this
temptation and lack of
communication started
it i just wish things
were different .........
1 ~*::star |
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2004 9 April :: 11.01 pm
another entry another convo
another convo
iw1sh000: hey
iw1sh000: katie was just here
madisduna: whos this?
madisduna: ?
iw1sh000: junie foo
iw1sh000: mrs sam
iw1sh000: foofi
iw1sh000: pick one
madisduna: o0o hey juney....where r u
madisduna: mrs sm
madisduna: *mrs sam
iw1sh000: home
iw1sh000: getting ditched being grounded
madisduna: o0o awww im sry...dont worry i kno how it feels
madisduna: im freaken bored out of my mind
iw1sh000: hehe id never ditch u my mr sam
iw1sh000: i miss u soo
madisduna: same here
madisduna: amen sister
iw1sh000: lol
madisduna: so how much longer r u grounded for...and why
iw1sh000: hey madi did i tell u im cominnnn backkk toooo theee heaaaarrrt offf worshippp
iw1sh000: i duno and bcuz i skipped
madisduna: huh.....that sucks
iw1sh000: yeah
madisduna: u started goin to church or something
iw1sh000: no u dont have to to believe
madisduna: i kno that
iw1sh000: cheeee:-D
madisduna: lol so wuts been new wit u my juney foo
iw1sh000: nothing
madisduna: o0o
iw1sh000: sadess
iw1sh000: sadness**
madisduna: awww why
iw1sh000: lonely
iw1sh000: and alone
madisduna: same here dont woory ur not alone
iw1sh000: they dont seem so different but they are
madisduna: whos they?
iw1sh000: lonely and alone
madisduna: ?
iw1sh000: they is lonely and alone and they arent so diff
iw1sh000: are***
madisduna: ya they r
madisduna: well........maybe not
iw1sh000: alone choosing to be by urself but lonely ,lonely is when u dont choose to feel alone or lonesome
madisduna: tru tru
iw1sh000: people just shut u out and stop listening
iw1sh000: thats me
madisduna: awwww i will never stop listening juney......never
iw1sh000: lol thankz
iw1sh000: me and jamie are kinda fighting so i wrote this to her
iw1sh000: iw1sh000: i wish i didnt feel so distant from you i mean i wish thing were back to the nor and the fight was over and that i didnt feel like i was in another rhelm and no one cared i sad jamie i truely am because i know for a fact that i screwed up big time i wish youd respond to this i/m but u prolly wont and i wish u felt the same maybe u do and are hiding ur emotions like u always do i dunno whos stronger me for showing my emotions even tho its considered a weakness or u for hiding them to seem strong maybe ur breaking down inside and maybe both strengths are equal they both break u down and tear u apart inside
iw1sh000: maybe we are all actors waiting to put on the big show and this is just a rehersal but whatever it is i wish it didnt hurt so much to get to the big finish
iw1sh000: waiting<<
i wish ...
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2004 9 April :: 4.50 pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: tv
oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
friends who are back stabbers people who say they care and dont ... fuck off ...you know what really gets me liars who say they are honest guys who mess with mind o yea cant forget the girlies too im sick of caring about people id rather just cut off the fucking world no one would give a shit ne way and to tell u the truth its easier but im not usually the one to take the easy way out o well w/e if u wanna respond u can im not in the mood for b/s and i wish i knew who my real friends are i guess i do bbmak and kristi theres a few others that sort of come and go as they please but what can u expect not much not much at all
buh bye love ya guys ne way
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2004 9 April :: 3.48 pm
Payments Due and Already Done
oi i finally paid i sent out the money today even tho im really against i guess me and jamie are sort of talking again i wrote a journal entry a couple of days ago for her and i hope she reads it its important to me i want her to know how big a mistake i made and that i still like her even tho i know she doesnt like me and i didnt mean to flip i just dont like the on hold sort of feeling id rather lick a toilet seat o well bye bye thank for reading
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