home | profile | guestbook


breathe. keep breathing.

recent entries | past entries


holiday

:: 2006 16 February :: 1.05pm

Oooooh. I think I heard thunder.

Yeah. I'm not going to class today. I'd probably get stuck in GR when the storm hit.

.


holiday

:: 2006 15 February :: 10.28pm

I've never been so tired in my life.

.


holiday

:: 2006 15 February :: 10.06pm

I don't know where to begin.
It's just sad.
People get replaced so fast.
A vendor my dad worked with, a really nice guy, was trying to plan a meeting for them to work out some stuff.
Thursday my dad calls saying he's kind of busy and if they can reschedule it for Friday.
Friday the guy calls saying he's not feeling too good maybe Monday.

Then he dies.

They buried him today.
My dad really didn't want to have to call the company, but they said they'd get someone to fix things.
Someone called 20 minutes later to take the other's place.
My dad felt really weird about deleting the guy's number out of his phone.

I would feel weird, too.
Everyone just gets replaced so fast.

I haven't felt very well today.

.


holiday

:: 2006 14 February :: 8.46pm

Turn out the lights. My life, on standby. :-(

This weekend was different. Saturday Charlie and I drove all the way up to Gaylord to go to this restaurant called Legends on the Hill. It's at Treetops resort. Three hours away. It's where I wanted to go for New Years but we couldn't. He said he never forgot. And that felt really nice. When we got there it was totally different than we expected. Freezer paper tablecloths, the works. I just laughed. I don't think we needed a bigger sign that said "We're not from around here". But I laughed. The ride was nice. The talking. The silence. The laughing. Everything. All the gas stations we had to stop at so I could pee. Haha. It's a beautiful relaxing town that looks like Switzerland. I asked him to pull over on the way back so I could give him a ring that I'd gotten him.

Monday I spent the night there and waited up for him to get home from work. I stopped The Big Lebowski and jumped out of bed to greet him at the door with a hug. But he was upset and held on tight.

His mom has cancer.

But I have this feeling and I can't explain it. I've been praying so much for her to get better. I just have this feeling like it's not her time yet. How could I know such a thing? When I told him "It's going to be okay." He asked "How do you know?" And I had no idea. I just feel like how could God take such a wonderful person away like that. Maybe it just doesn't feel real. She has so many people who love her. And a new grand-daughter. She feels that our lives are pre-destined so she doesn't want to get treatment. I don't know. But I feel like she's going to be okay. I hope so. :-(

5 . | .


holiday

:: 2006 14 February :: 8.20pm
:: Music: HH- Life On Standby

I need you now, more like yesterday, the last day I could see you smile.
It's felt more real than ever before.
Waiting. Waiting.
Till I could hold you.
I'm sorry. I wish I could take it all away.
I just know
It's going to be okay.
There's too much sadness.
It's going to be okay.

.


holiday

:: 2006 13 February :: 1.13pm

I'm giddy like I used to be. I think that's a good sign. I haven't been giddy in a while. I feel a lot of love.
Today we went to the Amway. It was pretty cool getting to see what goes on behind the scenes. I almost forgot about the tour today. Then I took a test. I think I did pretty well.
~~~
Quit coming up with excuses you're going to blow us all off anyway. You already have.

.


holiday

:: 2006 12 February :: 3.51pm

Yesterday was a lot of fun. The ride was long but it was nice. :-)
He never forgot. It felt good.
He means more to me than he will ever know.
It was a good day.

.


holiday

:: 2006 9 February :: 11.19pm

Today was a really good day. Had some fun with my good ol friend Becca. Took a test that I think I did fairly well on. Talked to my love. He makes me so happy. I played the guitar a lot and actually learned a whole song and it sounds good. I love it. Tomorrow's going to be really nice too. And fun. And awesome. I'm excited. :-) So yeah, that's what's been going on. The other night at work, we did a bridal tasting where all these brides come in, along with all our vendors, and we just make a bunch of fancy stuff. It was pretty neat. We had our Choc. fountain out too. Yummy. Works been going well.
Anyway, that's about it.

.


holiday

:: 2006 6 February :: 10.57pm

Am I sleeping with my eyes wide?
Am I alone?
Will I wake to find you waiting by my bedside?
Will I wake to find you waiting by my side?
~~~~~

I really didn't go to class today. Test too. I missed it. I didn't write my paper for Survey but we can miss one so that's okay. Tomorrow I have class then work. Hopefully I only have to do prep so I don't have to work too late. Wednesday I have to get up early and go to class. Then breakfast with my Char. Then mommy's birthday. This is going to be one carazy week. We shall see.

.


holiday

:: 2006 6 February :: 4.35pm
:: Music: Copeland

Quiet now, your voice seems miles away. Yet somehow I hear your song resound, A little bit softer each day,
And from my tired heart, a little bit farther away
~~~~
It's got me wishing for the past and hating myself. I love you, now stop it. It's going to be just fine.
~~~~
"I’ll sing along
The whole day through
Just do your best to hear me
It’s all you can do

You have my attention
Like you’ve had all the while
Since that first day when you made my heart smile
With loving eyes and tired sighs that flow
You have my attention
Like a shout through an empty sanctuary
Speak but a whisper"

5 . | .


holiday

:: 2006 2 February :: 12.15pm

Let's go now, into the darkness of your thoughts.

Asleep with one eye open so i can see you breathing, I follow your chest.

2 . | .


holiday

:: 2006 1 February :: 6.22pm

It's a crazy world.

1 . | .


holiday

:: 2006 31 January :: 10.02pm

Ugh. I don't even care! Pfft.

.


holiday

:: 2006 30 January :: 4.08pm
:: Music: Aiden- See You In Hell...

Got up at 6. Went to class. Went to Meijer to get some food. Slept. Grandma called from the Greenville Hospital. Grandpa's in there. Someone hit them. BAD. Grandpa's hurt. All because of some stupid person who probably shouldn't have been driving in the first place. He's got 4 broken ribs and they're keeping him overnight. Grandma's shaken up and bruised. The Tahoe is TOTALED. I'm glad it wasn't worse though. But I'm really upset. Grandma was so happy to pay off the truck, too. Now they have nothing and they're hurt. I love my grandparents so much that makes me so upset. :-(

I'm making Char birthday dinner tonight. Stuffed shells and black forest cake. Happy Birthday.

.


holiday

:: 2006 29 January :: 10.25pm

Yesterday was a blast!
Char and I went to Townsend Park and it was really pretty out. WE went to eat at The Melting Pot. FONDUE! hahaha. Then we went to look at houses in East GR. Then we went back home and hung out. I got tickets to Arenacross for Char's b-day :-) It was soooooo fun and our seats were really really good. About 3 rows up from the tarp. haha. So we could see everything. The best part was when the 7/8 year-olds raced. It was so adorable. Char and I are convinced we need dirt bikes now! oh yeah!

.


holiday

:: 2006 29 January :: 10.20pm

You can only say yes or no.

You are not allowed to explain anything.


1. Taken a picture naked? yes

2. Painted your room? yes

3. Kissed a member of the same sex? yes

4. Drove a car? Yes

5. Danced in front of your mirror? yes

6. Have a crush? Yes

7. Been dumped? Yes

8. Stole money from a friend? no

9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? no

10. Been in a fist fight? no

11. Snuck out of the house? No

12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Yes

13. Been arrested? No

14. Made out with a stranger? No

15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? Yes

16. Left your house with out telling your parents? Yes

17. Had a crush on your neighbor? no

18. Ditched school to do something more fun? yes

19. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Yes

20. Seen someone die? yes

21. Been on a plane? Yes

22. Kissed a picture? yes

23. Slept in until 3? yes

24. Love someone or miss someone right now? Yes

25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yes

26. Made a snow angel? yes

27. Played dress up? Yes

28. Cheated while playing a game? yes

29. Been lonely? Yes

30. Fallen asleep at work/school? yes

31. Been to a club? no

32. Felt an earthquake? no

33. Touched a snake? Yes

34. Ran a red light? Yes

35. Been suspended from school? no

36. Had detention? yes

37. Been in a car accident? Yes

38. Hated the way you look? Yes

39. Witnessed a crime? yes

40. Pole danced? No

41. Been lost? Yes

42. Been to the opposite side of the country? yes

43. Felt like dying? yes

44. Cried yourself to sleep? Yes

46. Sang karaoke? no

47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes

48. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? yes

49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? yes

50. Kissed in the rain? yes

51. Sang in the shower? Yes

52. Made love in a park? no

53. Had a dream that you married someone? Yes

54. Glued your hand to something? no

55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? No

56. Ever gone to school partially naked? No

57. Been a cheerleader? yes

58. Sat on a roof top? no

59. Didn't take a shower for a week? no

60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? yes

61. Played chicken? No

62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? yes

63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? yes

64. Broken a bone? No

65. Been easily amused? Yes

66. Laugh so hard you cry? Yes

67. Mooned/flashed someone? yes

68. Cheated on a test? yes

69. Forgotten someone's name? Yes

70. Been to a bar? Yes

71. Anyone offer you a drink? no

73. Blacked out from drinking? no

74. Played a prank on someone? Yes

75. Been to a late night movie? yes

76. Gone skinny dipping in a pool? yes

77. Failed a class? yes

78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? no

79. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? no

80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? no

81. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? YES ;-)

82. Thrown strange objects? no

83. Felt like killing someone? no

84. Felt like running away? Yes

85. Ran away? no

86. Did drugs? yes

87. Had detention and not attend it? yes

89. Made a parent cry? no

90. Cried over someone? Yes

91. Owned more than 5 sharpies? no

92. Dated someone more than once? yes

93. Had/Have a dog? Yes

95. Own(ed) an instrument? yes

96. Been in a band? No

97. Drank 25 sodas in a day? No

98. Broken a CD? yes

99. Shot a gun? yes

100. Had feelings for one of your best/good friends? no

.


holiday

:: 2006 28 January :: 12.01pm
:: Music: Panic! At The Disco- Nails For Breakfast, Tacks For Snacks

Prescribed pills to offset the shakes...to offset the pills you know you should take...um...take it a day at a time...
AhhHHHH
Yesterday I was stranded at Best Buy so I walked to Char's. AHHH!
I bought The Office! YAYYYYY
and I bought The Notebook.
Tonight's going to be fun!!!!
Birthday surprise for Charlie-yo. <3<3
~

Fix a vice with a vice

.


holiday

:: 2006 26 January :: 11.37pm

haha
you make me sick!

3 . | .


holiday

:: 2006 26 January :: 2.01pm

So I finally got around to seeing the Notebook. Wow. I haven't cried so much during a movie before. It's just so sad. :-(
I have class today but I'm sick. I must be dying or something. I've been in a really really good mood and I enjoy being at home. I'm not annoyed with my puppies, they're actually pretty fun :-) And I am making dinner tonight. I just enjoy taking it slow right now and taking everything in. Like I said...I must be dying.

2 . | .


holiday

:: 2006 25 January :: 4.52pm

I'm really happy with life right now. Everything is great. For once it just feels like things are balanced.
I'm proud of what I've accomplished too. I can't believe (it seems) like my first year is almost done. It just feels like it's going fast. It's a good feeling though, I'd like to get out as soon as I can. But I really like it. I've paid off my own car. $5000. That felt good. I've got a great job and am gaining more and more experience. I made the Dean's list. I like being home and relaxing and actually have time for that. I'm with the man I love and we've got a great future ahead of us. I have great friends. I love my classes. I'm just overall very satisfied.

I went to Spectrum today and learned a lot. I guess there's a job opening, but it's third shift. I may take it...who knows. It'd definitely be an experience. But until my classes are over I'd only get 4 hours of sleep w/both my jobs and classes. That wouldn't be so great.

2 . | .


holiday

:: 2006 21 January :: 1.05pm

Yikes.
Hmm....
Work in 2 hours. :-/ my elbow hurts for some reason.
Oh, driving was so crappy this morning. I got home around 1:30 or so. It took me FOREVER and I took all back-roads cause I didn't want to crash on the expressway again. So scary.
So I watch the news and it was so funny. They were showing a livecam of the s-curve and how bad the roads were. Then they said that it hasn't stopped people in grand rapids from enjoying their night. And they showed this clip of a clerk getting robbed! Whoops. hahaha they go "Oops, we'd like to apologize that was the wrong clip!"
2 papers to write tomorrow then Monday we have a tour of Spectrum Health.
And tonight I get out at midnight or later. whoo!

3 . | .


holiday

:: 2006 19 January :: 6.24pm

Oh my goodness! AHHHHHH It's killing me!
I just got a letter from GFS (Gordon Food Service) asking for chefs to work in their test kitchen. That was the job I was striving for! And get this:
$20/hr.
For only 4 weeks of the year, we choose which weeks. For 10 hours a day.
Add that all up, that's $1000 a week! $4000 a month.
And so I'm writing them back. I would love to work there. But I don't have all my years in yet for the requirement. But I'm writing them anyway so they keep me in mind for the future. I would've been able to work both jobs, too.
Dang.

2 . | .


holiday

:: 2006 19 January :: 2.46pm

i don't know. ugh. i don't feel good enough. tonight's going to be fun though.

.


holiday

:: 2006 18 January :: 8.42pm
:: Music: Death Cab For Cutie- Passenger Seat

Wow. Crazy stuff happened today. I feel kinda bad... Oh well.
Char and I had fun today. It was just overall a really good time. I think we needed to laugh more. So that was good. :-)
We're in love. It's nice. I got some pics developed today, here's a creepy one I took...

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

1 . | .


holiday

:: 2006 17 January :: 9.34pm

Tomorrow class is at 7:30. AHHH. Then Charlie and I are going out to breakfast together. Yippers. :-)

.


holiday

:: 2006 17 January :: 3.00pm

I am bored. Oh so bored. blah blah blah blah blah blah

.


holiday

:: 2006 16 January :: 10.53pm
:: Music: Hawthorne Heights- Dissolve and Decay

Man I love you Charlie. <3

Today was kind of relaxing. I feel bad for not really working or anything...
Got up at 6 though (i haven't gotten up at 6 in almost a year!) Went to class, (i can tell Intro to Hosp. is going to be GREAT!), then got out of class around 8:10. Went home and slept then went to Charlie's and had a lot of fun :-) Now I'm watching the Bachelor. hahaha.

.


holiday

:: 2006 15 January :: 8.09pm

THIS IS OUR NEW CAR
I'm really excited! It's coming in 3 months! They'll start working on it in 3 wks down in Bowling Green.
The new Z06 is the fastest GM car. And it weighs 300 lbs less than the Ferrari 430, which is pretty awesome. Sorry, Char and I went to the Auto Show at Devos today and I got really really excited. I love cars.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

.


holiday

:: 2006 12 January :: 1.36pm

waiting to leave for class. boring! I'm all ready to go! hahaha. I just want to get it over with. it's survey of Am. Govn't and it'll be boring. I'm hungry I guess I could eat. Wow. What an update!

.


holiday

:: 2006 11 January :: 11.52pm
:: Music: Elliott Smith- Say Yes

Have you watched the news lately?
Seriously, this world is awful.
It's just.... awful.

I'm just really upset.
"My job is one of the most emotionally fulfilling jobs..." -the "Abortionist"

And the whole thing going on with the body in the landfill. I was talking to my hair lady about it and she just said "Well, I mean, it's going to get disgusting with the birds and the tractors running over it..."
And that is NOT what I'm thinking about. I'm thinking, How can those 3 kids leave their FATHER there, in that landfill. Does he honestly deserve to be there? That is awful. He wanted to be cremated, but of course they don't care. Doesn't he deserve something better?

People just amaze me. It seems they're completely guilt-free.
Damn.

.

Woohu.com | Random Journal