sushininja
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2003 8 September :: 8.03pm
:: Mood: tired...
:: Music: GYBE!
Visiting Doug at work is cool, kiddos...come in and get a free conversation with the one and only...yeah, at work today, Carmen stopped by, which was nice...when friends stop by, it makes work better, makes my day better...It was really foggy today, which made for an experience for getting to school...I found out that my auditions for being a sympho is the 25th, which gives me a while before that, even though I haven't got my music yet...I wanna beat out Dan this year, and I hope it is just Dan and I in symph, coz we work very well when it's just us two...the rest of school is pretty much blah, except for AS, which is pretty entertaining and fun, even though it is a lot of work...tomorrow, and Wednesday and Thursday, I will be in driver's ed, and then I will be able to drive soon...yay!!!!!!!!!!then I get to visit people at work...YAY!!!!!!!
Quote of the day:
"I laugh under the weeping moon"
2 heartless bastards |
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sushininja
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2003 7 September :: 5.31pm
:: Mood: tired/depressed...
:: Music: Opeth...
You know what I really hate? Kids...haha...I mean, no, but they aren't my favorite...I spent too much time today with kids, showing them how to fold paper...so fun...especially on minimal sleep, like 2-3 hours...that's what I get for taking a 3 hour walk last night with Carmen...yeah, which was fun, we just talked a lot about stuff, made me glad that she's my friend, talking is good...before that, we were at teh Baldwin's, watching a shit pile instead of a movie...not the greatest movie, I forgot how bad it was when I saw it in theaters...I ended up getting a bloody nose from Sara, coz she likes pounding on my face...we just kind of chilled and watched the dog Fornicate Under Carnal Knowledge it's bunny friend...yeah...an enjoyable time was had...
Quote of the day:
"Sleep while the sweet sorrow wakes my daydream
Sleep while you think of me with kindness, please remember former days"
3 heartless bastards |
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sushininja
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2003 4 September :: 8.13pm
:: Music: Bob Dylan
Chris is sweet...
and by sweet I mean random, like randomly coming to visit me at work today...it's been a long time since I've seen Chris, like, the end of last year, because I haven't ventured over to his humble abode recently...work was cool today, well, maybe not cool, but not so tiring and boring...I got done what usually takes me two hours in less than one hour!!! I am progressing at this job, which is good...These interviews I need to finish up...three, by tomorrow...at least I've got them all planned out...one is my uncle who lives in Charlotte, he is going to call me around 8:30...he works with the immigration sevice, so he might have good views on the American Dream...I am also going to interview my father and hopefully joshie, if he ever calls me...maybe I'll just interview my sister, sometime...school is alright, but French seems to dumbing up again...Atleast Coomes and Ian are in the class, and Lauren Gwark and Amanda Dever and some other cool people...yeah...chemestry is VERY easy, so easy...very very easy...it makes me cry, and yearn for a challenge...hopefully it touhgens up, or I'm going to have to whine to Britt...yeah...bet she can't wait...or maybe, I could whine to Megan or Sara also, bet they'd enjoy that muchly...
Quote of the day:
"...prepared in innocence to meet our king of glory
and so we have this
you have it in your secret windows
and you're understanding to understand it and to bring it forth
it takes minute detail
it takes a holy life
it takes emotions
it takes dedication
it takes dedication
it takes a death
and only god can allow it
and you couldn't do it if you're not the seed of god
and so the path through the great corridors
these are corridors unto his perfection
that is which the prophet and the oarman summoned has penetrated
that through this great sea of blackness
that i penetrated through these corridors
and i went through that last segment
where i went through these dark serpentines
i passed through that corridor
where they sat
where they are
and when you penetrate to the most high god
you will believe you are mad
you will believe you've gone insane
but i tell you if you follow the secret window
and you die to the ego nature
you will penetrate this darkness
oh yes there's many a man or woman
that's been put in the insane asylum
when this has happened to them
and they're sitting there today, people think they're insane
but they saw something that's real
and they see it when they're on drugs
the only thing is they see it
not through the light of god, and the way i show you
i show you to see it through the light of god
and the understanding of god
because when you see the face of god you will die
and there will be nothing left of you
except the god-man, the god-woman
the heavenly man, the heavenly woman
the heavenly child
there will be terror under this day of night
there will be a song of jubilee waiting for your king
there will be nothing you will be looking for in this world
except for your god
this is all a dream
a dream in death
and so i went through that window
and the tower of hell and the great serpentines of the highest order
and i went through that when i showed you"
4 heartless bastards |
crush me
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sushininja
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2003 1 September :: 12.23am
:: Mood: depressed...
:: Music: GYBE!
Music Boxes...
I've been working everyday after school, and I can say it feels good to have a few days off...Today and tomorrow with no work, and all play (hopefully...) Football game on Friday was fun, and one of the tubas quit, and for that, I am glad, because I did not like him as it is...Saturday night, I went and saw Northfork with coomes, and I'd have to say that it was a fucking weird movie, but a good one also...We watched Stairway to Heaven which was also good...we then played the joyous conception that is Soul Calibur 2 for the rest of the night, and far into the morning also...I stayed there till 4, and then came home and went to a party at the Codding's...I had a Brat and a hotdog, and lots of other food too...It gave me bad indegestion/stomach ache, and ended up making me take a B.M. at Stevies...speaking of which, it was an okay time...wish we could do that every night, it's fun to hang around with friends and just be lazy oafs...we watched TMNT3, and the end of LOTR part 1...played some *ahem*truthordare*ahem* and just sat around and were lazy...so freaking lazy...just because a cactus isn't sharp doesn't mean it doesn't stick into you...
Quote of the day:
"Rain is pouring down my (now) shivering shoulders
In the rain my tears are forever lost"
2 heartless bastards |
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sushininja
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2003 27 August :: 8.03pm
:: Mood: stressed, tired...
:: Music: In Flames/Testament/whatever is playing...
You never know what's going on nowadays do you? I called the other day to set up my damn driving test, but I need to complete driver's ed before I can set this up...I seriously regret waiting so long for my liscense...hopefully I can get it before the end of September, so I can...hmm...I've been working this week, 3 hours after school...it's going fine...today, Emily walked into the library and said hi to me, which was cool...I also saw Sarahp out of the window and power armed her...it was good...indeed...power arming things are good...that is sort of my calling card now, or whatever, trademark pose...yes...whenever I see her in the hallways, I power arm it up...yes...
School is alright, kind of boring and drab starting off...American Studies has been fun...yes...I think...French hasn't...Sara gave me a ride home today...maybe I should apologize, because I was being lazy...
Quote of the day:
"Curse of the Legions of Death"
wonderful quote, eh?
3 heartless bastards |
crush me
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sushininja
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2003 23 August :: 12.24am
:: Mood: eh...
:: Music: opeth
Hmm...first football game, and they lost...I've been working for three days now, and it's going pretty smooth...my swelling has gone down, but the area turned dark purple, which probably isn't the best thing to have happening...I have some medecine now, to help the swelling go down and to color to return to normal...hopefully it works and nothing else goes wrong...tonight we had a birthday party for Stevie, and it was fun...we kind of just sat around and talked...had cookie-cake, drank pop, etc...
Don't you just hate it when you like someone, and you are afraid to ask them out? Or more likely you are hindered by not being able to drive, and are afraid that...
Quote of the day:
"She rose, screaming at closed doors.
Seductive faint mist forging
through the cracks in the wall.
I shant resist.
In tears for all of eternity."
...after all you might have a slight chance?
3 heartless bastards |
crush me
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sushininja
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2003 20 August :: 10.17pm
:: Mood: eh, hard to tell...
:: Music: Crimson Glory
swell with joy (or bee babies)
Hmm. Wednesday, and I'm already updating...what?
Band has been quite dumb recently, making me all sweaty and all...yesterday, I mowed the lawn, and got stung by a be right above the ankle while doing so...well, there were no effects of it on Tuesday, but today it started to swell a whole lot...it is all red and puffy, and etremely warm...yeah...hopefully it doesn't get too bad...
Today I played some band football, and made two touchdowns, one for about 100 yards...I'm the biggest guy out there, so I just plow through everybody...it was fun...
Today in band, we had a water balloon toss, where the furthest group apart wins...I was with Stevie, and we didn't do too well...Britt even beat us! Haha...
Quote of the day:
"I am the Lizard King
I can do anything"
4 heartless bastards |
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sushininja
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2003 18 August :: 12.50am
:: Music: Beck
Well, the weekend was fun...Saturday, I finished up my driving time with the instructor, and then I hung around with Xiao the whole day...I also hung out with Coomes, James, Eric, Alex, and more!!! It was quite enjoyable...Well, today, I went and saw "Open Range" with Brendan and his father...it was quite good...we had ribs for dinner, along with corn on the cob...we played Liars Dice after that, which is fun...yeah...I had a good weekend...
Quote of the day:
"Beware my eyes'll find you
And see into your heart
And if you hold the evil
I'll rip you all apart"
crush me
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sushininja
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2003 13 August :: 10.23pm
:: Mood: nothing really...
Well, my aunt's doing better...she had the ventilator removed, the tube out of her throat...the surgery took out 100% of the cancer!!!!!! She is cancer free, so yay...
Band camp has started up, and it isn't very exciting for me, because all we do is screw around...Tubas that is, because we have no attending Freshmen...not much else to say about htat...band sounds well...kinda threw a girl into the air tonight...friightened me, that maybe I hurt her...But I didn't, so I'll be more careful next time...
Sunday I purchased Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together for the PSX, at $40...expensive yes, waste no...IMHO, it is one of the best games ever...I just need one more Ogre saga game and I will have them all...March of the Black Queen...which is quite fun...yeah...LUCT is hard though, very very hard...I love it though, and it is sapping my soul...
Also this week, I have started training for my job as a page at the library...I get paid for these 8 hours of training, so yay for me...I also have straightened out the Driver's Ed problem, as I am doing my driving with instructor time this week, and will be finished up class next month, September 9, 10, and 11...yay for me...and also, Xiao is coming to town...yay...
Quote of the day:
"I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
That the dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had"
2 heartless bastards |
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sushininja
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2003 10 August :: 12.15am
:: Mood: depressed...
:: Music: Dave Brubeck
Why does everything fucking suck? Ever wonder why/how something you would consider a "great friendship" could deteriorate within half a year, to the point where the person can't even stand to be around you? I find it highly depressing...do you ever get that feeling that maybe you should piss everybody off, and then you wouldn't ever have to worry about what the fuck they think, because you no longer give a flying fuck about them and their demon spawn? Just let them go and never think of them again, and be better off that way? Why, oh why, do I get so fricking depressed? Why cannot I find eternal elation? Not even eternal elation, but someting to the extent of lasting happiness, not something that comes and goes, coming very rarely?
I purchased Donnie Darko today, which is one of the greatest movies that exists on this earth...hmm, what else has happened...my aunt has had her surgery, and is in the ICU, but seems to be doing very well...all that fucking smoking she did is coming back to bite her in the ass isn't it? I wouldn't call it irony, but I don't really call it...I've been looking for a damn Opeth cd for awhile now and it seems as if I shall never find it...oh well...I'm going, piss off...
Quote of the day:
"Oh how I love you
The pain won't go away
Oh when I need you
You're always so far away"
3 heartless bastards |
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sushininja
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2003 2 August :: 1.48am
w00t!!! Tornado warning, massive storm...it's great...Also what is great, is that today I finished up the castle so that children could play in it...I bought Still Life by Opeth today at Finders...I am on my way home and Dan asks me if I'd wanna grab a bite to eat...so we went to Subway at the mall...I came home and just hung out, and then the storm came...I would've been outside but my parents had yelled at me...oh well, at least it is still storming...and to think, I practically drowned the flowers today when I watered them, because they hadn't been watered in a while...I went to Josh's after the storm calmed, and hung out there till 1 this morning...
On a more serious note, my Aunt Ellen has cancer of the asophogus, and is undergoing a 7 hour surgery...My father is going to go up to Appleton to be with his brother while his wife is operated on...The surgery has a high success rate of inhibiting the cancer, if not terminating it...however, due to my aunt's smoking, she has emphesyma and this surgery will prove to be hard on her lungs...please keep her in your prayers on Wednesday night and Thursday...I would be most grateful...
Quote of the day:
"Someone told me long ago There's a calm before the storm,
I know; It's been comin' for some time.
When it's over, so they say, It'll rain a sunny day,
I know; Shinin' down like water."
3 heartless bastards |
crush me
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sushininja
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2003 31 July :: 10.07pm
:: Mood: depressed, I believe...
:: Music: Nectar
Well, today I finished painting the castle...tomorrow, I go and clean everything up so the youngin's can go in and play...how joyful it will be for them...they will be so happy...I mowed the lawn today, and that was about it...Didn't go to the fair because I was tired and I didn't really know of a good reason...Hung out with Josh a little bit today, and had pizza for lunch with Daniel...here ends my day...
Quote of the day:
"I arose from the lullaby
Enduring yet another tale
You tempt me again
With your embrace, so tainted
Within the night you beckon
Cursing me with every glance"
crush me
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sushininja
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2003 30 July :: 12.26am
:: Music: They'll need a crane...
Well, I have been working a lot at the Library...I was interviewed today, and I am going to get a paying job there around the start of school...hopefully, this works out for me...Today, I went to the fair for band, and ended up having a good time (after band, that is...) Chrispy was there around 9:30, so I hung around with him and Carmen and Josh and Coomes...I had a good time...Let's see...today, dan and I went to Britt's Great Uncle's visitation...
Quote of the day:
"Love sees love's happiness
But happiness can't see that love is sad
That love is sad
Sadness is hanging there
To show love somewhere something needs a change
They need a change"
2 heartless bastards |
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sushininja
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2003 25 July :: 9.27am
:: Mood: tired, elated...
:: Music: Sleep
Back in boring B.G.
I've not been home since Sunday...Why? Because I was at Wooster band camp, on the campus of the College of Wooster...I had a great time...I made top band, and we made some good music...Wow, and I think I've improved greatly over last symph season...maybe I'll even beat Dan out for once...Not that it matters or anything...I just had a really great time...Winston and Ian came this year, so it wasn't just Brendan, Alex, and I...we were all in the basement of the dorm, which was sweet...we had somewhat of a posse this year, always hanging with the same people, people not just from Bowling Green...we had three others in our group; Brittany, Jessica, and Katie...We also had a few others hang out with us off and on...Yeah, I had a great time, played a lot of pool, ate a lot of popsicles...if ya want to hear the music, just ask to listen to the cd if you want...
Today, Friday the 25th, Xiao is supposed to be in town, so hopefully I'm going to hit it up with her today...w00t!
Quote of the day:
"There is a destination a little up the road
From the habitations to the towns below
A place we saw with the lights turned low
The jig saw jazz and the jet fresh flow
Pull jizes and jamboree handouts
Twuo turn tables and a microphone
Bottle and cans, just clap your hands"
1 heartless bastard |
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sushininja
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2003 19 July :: 1.16am
:: Mood: depression...
:: Music: Sleep
So, I was talking with someone...about my damned relationship status...I am always alone, always lonely...why can I not find someone who likes me as I do them? Why is it so hard for them to like me? What do I do wrong? What does every single female I have ever liked find wrong in me? I wish I knew, so maybe I could be happy...maybe they just think I am some sex crazed freak...which couldn't be further from the truth...I don't give a shit about sex or anything like that...call me what you want, I don't give a fuck...but all I would like to have is someone to console and to care about, someone to have good, quality times with and not be worried about anything...to have someone that has an effect upon you that just melts all the cares of the world away and all you feel is pure elation...I need someone to love, truly to love...I don't care if I get my dick sucked or not, or if I get into her pants, because that is not what is really important in life...it is not what is important to me, not in the least bit...it isnt what makes the world go round, it wouldn't make me happy...I'm not depressed because I'm sixteen and have never been kissed, nor laid...I'm depressed because I am so alone...
"the sun don't shine
the wind won't blow
when you go hide
without your love
i'm lonely
deep inside"
2 heartless bastards |
crush me
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sushininja
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2003 16 July :: 8.28pm
:: Mood: Hmm...
:: Music: Danzig-Sistinas
Argh...two games of baseball where all I do is sit the bench...This can really hurt a man's confidence and self-esteem...but oh well...I saw fuck it, and that is what it's left at...tomorrow (Thursday) my family (bar me) is going to Cedar Point for the day...I'm gonna volunteer at the library, and then go work for Norman Chambers...yard work...then I've pretty much got the house to myself the rest of the night...ya, that's right ladies...Doug the Thug is free for the night, come and get some...yeah, and if that actually happened...
Quote of the day:
"Last night I had a dream about you
In this dream I'm dancing right beside you
And it looked like everyone was having fun
The kind of feeling I've waited so long
Don't stop come a little closer
As we jam the rythm gets stronger
There's nothing wrong with just a little little fun
We were dancing all night long
The time is right to put my arms around you
You're feeling right
You wrap your arms around too
But suddenly I feel the shining sun
Before I knew it this dream was all gone
Ooh I don't know what to do
About this dream and you
I wish this dream comes true"
1 heartless bastard |
crush me
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sushininja
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2003 14 July :: 1.17am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: The Rite of Spring
The Rain Elates Me
The eve of destruction is upon us
The torrential rains pounding down
The lightning splitting the ground
The thunder tearing the drums of ears
Great riots now surge across the planet
Looting, adultery, the pawns of Satan now rule the earth
Not I though
I am not one of the mindless
I fear nothing now
For the rain elates me
Quote of the day:
"Don't you love her as she's walking out the door?
Like she has one thousand times before..."
1 heartless bastard |
crush me
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sushininja
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2003 8 July :: 3.23pm
:: Mood: What? Happy?
:: Music: In Flames
Lonely Bench
A man, Incomplete
Looking out from his bench
He laughs as he cries
For it is a beautiful thing he sees
Seeing this man’s tears
She comes and wipes them
For this is what she does
She rights all wrongs in him
She makes the sun shine
Though the tattered clouds that are him
Life has changed for him,
In a way he will never know
For she meant the world to him,
And all he ever did was watch
Quote of the day:
"I'm gonna love you,
Until the heavens' start the rain
I'm gonna love you,
till the stars fall from the sky"
3 heartless bastards |
crush me
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sushininja
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2003 7 July :: 3.34pm
:: Mood: happy, for once...
The meaning of life...
The other week, Hoov asked me what the meaning of life was to me...I told him that to me, life really has no meaning...instead, I believe the true mystery lies in death...what if life is only a "bridge" unto death...Imean, look at it...you come from nothing, and then return to nothing...ashes to ashes...We are so uneducated about death, it could be that death, or what is after it, is the true aspect of living, like I've heard before, "you only live once you're dead"...same with "you only live once," could it be that we aren't even living yet? That we haven't even dipped into the cup that is "life," that true splendor is after this...such as "eternal life" promised by God and Jesus, in the Bible and other holy manuscripts...What I'm talking about is not eternal life, but perhaps step two (or three, however you wish to look at it) of our journey to be with Him...
That brings up another subject...the subject of death...what will I be doing when my time comes? Well, I know for one I will not be cowering in a corner, afraid of Death's cold embrace...I will meet it, with arms open, no fears left in me...now, does that mean I'm going to go commit suicide right now? No...does it mean ever? No, becuase that would be cowering in the corner...I'm just saying that I'm not going to be in tears when it is near, not wimpering and saying "I don't want to die"...therefore, I will not be wasting my life waiting and fearing death...
Quote of the day:
"Daybreak
At the bottom of the lake
It's a hundred degrees I can't breathe
And I won't get out
'til I figure it out
Though I'm weak like I can't believe"
2 heartless bastards |
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sushininja
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2003 2 July :: 10.29pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: Jethro Tull
Hmm, I promise I will start updating more, but as of now, I really don't have much to post...I've not been doing well in baseball, and that's about the only thing that changes in my life...this morning, I volunteered at the library, doing odd and ends jobs around the facility...tomorrow, I am going to watch Old School with Emily, so that should be very fun...so yea, so much for an update, maybe something good will happen to make it a good read, eh?
Quote of the day:
"With their jock straps pinching
They slouched to attention..."
2 heartless bastards |
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