sugarmouse0587
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2003 23 December :: 10.56pm
:: Music: cardigans-lovefools
oh it's so very good. do you think the attachment stage has set in yet?
no, nevermind i don't think that would make me feel giddy.
..you can tell everybody this is your song.
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sugarmouse0587
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2003 23 December :: 7.53pm
i saw that lady again. funniest thing to happen all day
big boy wasn't so bad. even though i am dying and i don't have any sucky candy for my throat.
1 sung. |
..you can tell everybody this is your song.
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sugarmouse0587
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2003 23 December :: 2.07pm
:: Music: billy joel-two thousand years
i think i need to find my spice world cd. asap.
i want to go to the gym but have decided against it since i don't feel good and i've done enough driving today.
and i think i'm going to stop going to Synagogue with Dad and start going to church again. I don't really like it. maybe that will end some turmoil.
_______________________________
the mayans were wrong. or maybe it was the aztecs.
1 sung. |
..you can tell everybody this is your song.
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Tbaby92588
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2003 23 December :: 12.08pm
:: Mood: cheerful
It's a wonderful life.
"What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey, that's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon."
"I'll take it. And then what?"
"Well, then you could swallow it and it'd all dissolve, see? And the moonbeams'd shoot out of your fingers and your toes, and the
ends of your hair. Am I talking too much?"
5 sung. |
..you can tell everybody this is your song.
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thedarkerside
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2003 22 December :: 7.37pm
:: Music: Three Days Grace- Home
Today, Yesterday...Blah Blah Blah
Yesterday Carinna and I went to see LOTR ROTK at like 9 and didnt get out till around 12:20. We had to wait behind some weirdos and sit by weirdos in the movie theater but it was all good we had a good time and the movie was kick ass. More kick ass than ever. I loved that movie. Like seriously I felt like I was in there for like 8 hrs. I like long movies that make you forget about life itself.
Then she spent the night and basically stayed the whole day here. It was nice having someone over so I could get away from all the other shit even know I'm still home. We went to Target in the morning and I got the Three Days Grace cd. Its a good cd. I want to get puddle of mudd, and linkin park hybrid theory for stocking stuffers if my mom buys them because I dont know if I want to buy them my self or save my money for clothes. I know I'll spend it on clothes in the end. Always happens...always does.
Well, thats really it i guess...for today that is.
2 sung. |
..you can tell everybody this is your song.
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thedarkerside
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2003 20 December :: 7.14pm
I think I'm going to target tomorrow..or monday. I want to get Linkin Park-Hybrid theory and Three Days grace cds. I will get the Live in Texas cd probably after xmas....yeah.
I dont understand these antidepressant pills. I don't feel any different. I still feel kindof sad. I still have this hatered. I'm probably hoping for too much out of this. I didn't hope for anything in the first place. Again, none of this would have happened if it wasn't for my sister. I still hate her for that and I always will. Making my life a hell, how could I not be angry.
Ugh, I'm not going to get myself any more angry than I already am. I need to find something to do before I drive myself crazy.
..you can tell everybody this is your song.
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sugarmouse0587
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2003 19 December :: 11.11pm
:: Music: switchfoot
oh goody goody gum drops. i am not abandoned.
and today didn't suck. sure, it wasn't party central, but i found that i wasn't annoyed with anyone really.
i was even reluctant to leave because everyone was in such a good mood.
and i have my bop it pen.
..you can tell everybody this is your song.
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thedarkerside
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2003 19 December :: 8.04pm
:: Music: WGRD online Eve 6-Think Twice
Finally...
Finally school is over. Finally.
I don't want to know when I'll get my anti-depressants. I still blame my sister for all of this. She could have come to me and talked to me about it before she went and blabbed to my mom, causing unwanted and uneccessary reactions and domino effects. The situation in itself could have been avoided. But look where I am now, Fucked up.
I got out of school at 1:15 then went to the doctors, came home took a nap, ate, went online like I am now. I didn't feel like going to the game. I know I can't spend the night at Carinna's tonight. Tomorrow I might go with Arie to go see LOTR Return of the King. I need to spend some time with Arie. Even if we aren't talking about "problems" she always has a way of making me feel relaxed and that everything for the moment will be actually ok. She brings me happiness. She knows how I fell. Its like a relief being with someone who knows how it feels. She relates to me more than anyone else can or ever will for now.
1 sung. |
..you can tell everybody this is your song.
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graffiti
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2003 19 December :: 3.33pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: [ Rochester Phiharmonic ] : Carol of the Bells
Poll:
Have you been naughty, or have you been nice?
Comment!!!
8 sung. |
..you can tell everybody this is your song.
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sugarmouse0587
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2003 18 December :: 10.41pm
it's all over for the ideal. that's the only reason we stay.
if it doesn't happen, i don't know. i guess i'll throw up.
i hate the phone.
..you can tell everybody this is your song.
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sugarmouse0587
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2003 18 December :: 10.19pm
:: Mood: very sad
being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up
ahhh
still. i my weekend will be ruined AGAIN. fff.
it makes me wonder if sabatage is in the mix.
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the nhs party was so much fun.
and what do you get for the girl who needs nothing?
a bop-it pen.
friday should be enjoyable.
..you can tell everybody this is your song.
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thedarkerside
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2003 18 December :: 7.38pm
Oh life is wonderful.......
Wednesday I went to this counceling thing. It was ok I guess. I kindof felt like I was there because I had a problem or I was some kind of freak though. I didn't really feel at ease at all. I beged not to go but my mom doesn't care what I want out of this. All she is concerned about is how we can do it her way. Why do they call it counceling when it feels like your at a shrink? You walk in there and there's a 2 chairs and a couch for you to either sit or lay on. When you talk about things that bug you and problems you have all they ever do is go "Uh huhh" in that simpathetic tone. This is their job. I don't think they give a shit about their patients. They want you to talk only so they can tell you that your a "sad/ depressed angry person". Damn right your going to be angry when you've been through this kind of shit.
Anyways, Tomorrow I have to leave school eairly like 1:15 to go to the doctors to get my prescripted anti-depressant and I have to exercise everyday because its supose to make me "happy". I went to champion after school and it did no good. Exercising isn't going to solve anything except for maybe dropping a couple pounds. That's not going to change how I feel or who I am. These shrinks get paid too much..It's like they make up their own diognosis and solutions to everything. I have to go back in January..ugh. Maybe this time I won't cry.
Tomorrow I plan on leaving my house ASAP to get away with Carinna and maybe others to go to LOTR The Return of the King. I hear its a 3 hour movie so that will be good. Then I'll probably spend the night at Carinnas and probably stay there forever lol. Ya right, I wish.
I was given all sorts of some form of rules or something that irritatied me.
*I'm not aloud to not talk because I'm being a bitch to everyone in the house
*I have a feeling that i'm not aloud to stay home alone
*I can't hold a grudge against my sister or I get in trouble of course.
* and if i'm rude to anyone I get everything taken away from me.
How is this supose to help me again? And what pissed me off the most is when I got up and walked away my dad goes "Shes only mad because she got her internet taken away." YES THATS FUCKING IT DAD. I GET MAD AND GO CRY AND WANT TO PUNCH THINGS AND WHAT NOT JUST BECAUSE I CANT GO ON THE INTERNET THATS EXACTLY HOW IT IS.. BOY YOU KNOW ME PRETTY WELL I GUESS I'M JUST THAT FUCKING PREDICTABLE. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. And I'm mad because.....? This is what I have to go through they dont care what I have to say. Even if I say something they dont listen to it. Tonight I talked about going somewhere for like 10 minutes to my mom then I said something about it again like 5 minutes later and she said "you never told me that" She didnt even listen. Even if it was important she never listens if it is anyways. I don't want to talk to you people can't you see that. My skin crawls just living with you. But guess what? I'm going to put on a happy face just for you. I'm not going to put up with you fucking my life more than you already have. I'm done with it I really am. Don't expect me to be happy. I want to see your faces if I tell you that your the cause of all this shit. I bet they totally shit all over the councelor parent interview...I know they did.
2 sung. |
..you can tell everybody this is your song.
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graffiti
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2003 18 December :: 3.19pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: [ Red Hot Chili Peppers ] : Under The Bridge
I liked it better then. When everything was actually real.. There was no forced laughter or fake smiles, or false respect towards one another. Being carefree, but not to the point where things would go wrong. Just, not overthinking things. Which is exactly what everyone does now. I used to look forward to getting up in the morning and starting the day. Now, and not just recently, all I want to do it sleep away my entire day, if not life. I almost expect something to go wrong, or someone to get hurt. I can usually make the most of any given situation, but it's becoming harder and harder to do that.
Yeah.. I'll take door #2.
5 sung. |
..you can tell everybody this is your song.
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sugarmouse0587
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2003 18 December :: 3.24pm
:: Music: blink 182 violence
it feels good to be home.
One agonizing day to go...everyone is freaking out.
i'm okay though.
3 sung. |
..you can tell everybody this is your song.
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