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2003 14 November :: 6.36am
:: Mood: ugly.. =(
Lordy lord i dont think dat ive ever cried dat much in my entire friggin life.. ='(
Ive decided not to go to skool t day..*dont wanna deal wif thier shit* and im not goign to work t day *ditto* but im not gonna stay home..*cant stand seeing my mom in da state that she is rite now* Soo see i dont have anywhere to fuckin go anymore.. =(
Last nite, after everyone had gone to sleep..i ly still more awake then ever..*thinkin* I walk into the kitchen, grab the biggest knife outta the drawer..and hold it up towards my neck..i scrap ever so slightly against my neck..jus to see..and den im tempted to press harder and harder and harder until i fall to the floor and sit in a puddle of my own blood until its all gone and im dead..but i dont instead i take the knife bak into my room, and hide it in a drawer..until next time..until t nite..
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2003 13 November :: 11.35pm
Too bad soo sad.. =(
Lifes a bitch and den you die..so lets jus get it over wif now! ='(
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2003 13 November :: 10.16pm
:: Mood: aggravated
He didnt even get a chance at life..
Okay dis entry was influenced by britts entry so thanks britt..neways..
Dude i member when i was going out wif Travis in 6th grade and Justin and him were like best friends, and i met Justin fo da first time..He was kinda crazy, but really really funny. We became like really good friends..but as time went on after me n Travis broke up..our friendship begin to build a rift..and after a while dat rift was too big too mend, so we jus kinda grew apart fo a while..da next time we started talkin again was in 8th grade cuz he was like in all of my classes and we would sit by eachother alot..and we always got in trouble hehe..well not me but him *smiles sheepishly* But after a while during like da second quarter he began to drop hints dat he liked me..so i flirted of korse..and we got alot closer..he was never someone dat i would go out wif..he jus wasnt my type as i sometimes put it..but he was really awesome and i loved da kid..he asked me out many times but i jus used da lame ass excuse dat i jus wanted to be friends and didnt wanna ruin da friendship..and den summer came..we spent alotta fun times in conrads class..gettin in trouble EVERY CLASS! But summer came and we didnt talk at all..and den next thing i know..HES GONE, HES DEAD! And soon to find out, *by travis* is dat he liked me ever since 6th grade when we were going out..he liked me alot..and i was jus sucha bitch and didnt even give him a friggin chance..life didnt give him much of a friggin chance either!! And its not friggin fair!!
There i said it..fo da first time..i said it..i got it out..there is everyone happy..
now did dat make me feel any better to jus open up and say all dat shit..
NO IT DIDNT! so wtf was da point..i unno latah!
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2003 13 November :: 8.37pm
:: Mood: melancholy
Urgh t day=shitty! =(
My mom these days jus sits in her room, crying and feeling srry fo her damn self! Does she understand dat she has kids out here dat SHE needs to take CARE of..im sick and tired of takin care of myself and doing everything fo myself *dat sounds selfish* but i seriously mite as well fuckin live on my own cuz i do everything fo myself, she dont do shit fo me..and never has..and its not really dat bad dat shes doing dis to me..cuz shes hates me n all but like shes doing it to wilson too! I get her up in da morning i get her around i get her on da bus *sometimes breakfast if time* I do her laundry, i clean up her messes *i clean da house* i makes sure dat shes doing her homework, and dat shes gettin good grades..and if shes got a problem at skool, i make sure dat she fixes it! Like when she was failing her class wif *mrs blume* i was da one dat went after skool wif her and talked wif da teacher bout wat was going on and why she was failing..NOT MY MOM! No korse not..if she needs a ride from skool, if shes going out on da weekend or something..i usually have one of my friends and i friggin pick her up, or i get her around to leave wif her dad fo da weekend..or wateva i seriously do everything fo dat spoiled lil brat..*yah shes only 11* but she needs to grow up a lil more and take more responsibility fo her damn self cuz i can take care of her and myself its crazy i really souldnt have to do it anyway..its not like im her friggin mother! Im jus a kid..i cant deal wif dis shit..and have a job, and deal wif skool, and all da shit afterskool, and keepin a social life, i mean wtf? I cant be a mother! to me and wilson! Dats fuckin wrong and crazy! ANd i hate it! I jus wanna be a kid fo once! I miss being a kid.. =(
I dont know anymore dis shit round here is gettin way too fuckin crazy..i dont nkow wat to do im soo friggin stressed out!
Geesh everyone thinks my life is soo easy..n GOOD..yah i wish it were..i wish dat i could go home fo one day and not have to wrry bout anything but *who im gonna call, wat homework i have, and wat time my fav tv show was playin t nite* Like a REGULAR kid..i unno anymore..
Hey do u like my new journal theme thingy? I do!! Fits mucho better fo someone like me.. =(
Love..me..korse.. =(
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2003 13 November :: 6.47pm
borderline
Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla
DA LAST LINE..IS SO FUCKIN RITE IT AINT EVEN FUNNY!!!!!!!! =(
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2003 13 November :: 6.11pm
Protector
The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla
Geesh this one is SOOO me again.. =( *sigh*
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2003 13 November :: 5.33pm
Gray:
You poor, depressed child. A rain cloud seems to
follow you everywhere. The worst has always got
to happen doesn't it? Life is miserable.
Made by
Sara
What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla
Lovely aint it? Jus as everyone views me eh *britt*?
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2003 12 November :: 9.56pm
:: Mood: pissed off!!
Dude da other day Mark told my mom dat she sould jus go kill herself..
I wish dat she fuckin would!! =( I hate her..sooo much it aint even funny!
She makes me wanna kill myself..she makes my life miserable!! I HATE her!!
jus thought id write something bout my crazy ass mommy in here..*sniffle sniffle*
love..me..='(
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2003 11 November :: 8.15pm
:: Mood: indescribable
Life without you, jus wouldnt be..
I Luv you Brittany Marie Gamester, you mean everything to me!! Life jus wouldnt be da same without you!!
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2003 11 November :: 8.01pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Lizzie Mcguire tv show!! =)
Wat do i do?!
I dont get this, brittany is all like mad at me or something because ive got other friends..*I dont know who da hell she thinks shes talkin bout* But seriously wat does she want me to do? Stop being friends wif everyone, and like not talk at skool or anywhere else, jus to her? Does she do dat? No! Would i ask her to do dat ever? No! *Well maybe* Would i ever drop all my friends jus fo her..? Yesh! I would do anything fo her..even become da loner of my skool..
I wonder if she understands dat i feel da same way bout her n her friends..ex Courtney n OMFG ex EMILY!! Dats why i give her sucha hard time bout em..sometimes i wish dat it could jus be summer again, and it would only be us..all day long we'd talk, and i wouldnt have to wrry bout how close shes gettin wif Emily or Courtney or whoever da hell else..cuz i'd have her to talk wif almost every single day all day long..But den skools gotta get in da way..icky! =(
I dont think she completly understands jus exactly wat she means to me tho..i dont even know how to explain all dat i feel bout her *dat sounds gay* But seriously, shes da best friend dat ive ever had..and i dont know wat i would do without her..seriously i cant imagine my life without her..i wouldnt have any reason to wake up in da morning..Yah im friends wif alotta other ppl, but its diff..way diff..i could never be friends wif anyone like i am wif her..cuz theres jus something special bout her..shes da best person in da whole friggin world and urgh i dont know! I luv her sooo friggin much..but i dont know wat im surposed to do here..
Britt tell me wat i sould do..? Anything n ill do it? I jus dont know wat to do? I luv you soo much! Gotta go..you'll be bak in 25 minutes or so..hehe luv you latah chicka!!
love,
me.. =(
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2003 10 November :: 9.54pm
:: Mood: calm
Bed time..ZzzzZzzzZ..
Im off to bed now..these days bed is the only place where i feel safe..safe from all of you out there..i wish dat seriously i could jus lay down n sleep forever..i would be in such bliss..sleepin is the only place where i can be completly happy and nobody can say anything about it..nobody can talk shit..nobody will ever know wats going on in dat lil o' head of mine cept me..i like my life dat way..
I wish i could jus become a mute..wif no voice..no emotions..dat would be wonderful..too bad eh?
Omfg t day i was tryin soo f'ing hard to be happy, and ya knw wat someone *one of my kinda good friends* asked me?! What guy i fucked last nite?! OHHH I SWEAR I WAS BOUT TO FUCKIN KILL HER!! Like im some kind of whore or some shit..too bad Becky Dawn was there..*and mr mcdowell* i would have seriously fuckin killed her slutty ass! Shes more slutty den me!! urgh i fuckin hate ppl at our skool..how fuckin imature..den after dat she went round skool,sayin dat she was bout to fite me but i backed down, yah my ass dats why she was da one fuckin hiding behind mr mcdowell..urgh!!!
hey at least i made someones day semi better..not dat i really did it cuz it was all her..but ya know..
J d shortier 623: howdy:-)
BlondieC93: hey i took ur advice and i tried to hav a good day
J d shortier 623: really?!
J d shortier 623: wat happeend?1
BlondieC93: i had a bad morning an awesome mid mornin/ afternoon AND A HORRIBLE AFTERNOON i found out dat my boyfriend david like(d) some else and yea it was 1 big mess but i was calm and i thought wut wuld jill want me to do in this situtaion ((and i thought well duh whtevr would make me happy)) and so i wrote david i note saying tht i still wanted to go out wit him ((AND WE STILL ARE)) but it wuld take a lot of convincin 4 me to belive he doesnt like her anymore and we wuld try to still hav a realtionship
BlondieC93: but yea tht was pretty much it and i gtg now cuz i gotta wake up early and i read ur journal and im sry u had a bad day and whenevr ur feeling sad and tht kno one loves u remember this:: CHELSIE LOVES YOU!!!!!!
HOPE U HAV A AWSUM DAY TOMMOROW LUV YA LOTZ
BlondieC93 signed off at 9:30:06 PM.
In only 5 minutes of time..she made me feel alotta better t day..and im sure she really didnt even mean to..geesh if only 5 minutes werent sucha long time..Im not even good enough fo 5 minutes from da rest of ya?
wateva im gong to bed now bye!
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2003 10 November :: 8.42pm
:: Music: Damn--youngbloodz! *sings*
*If you dont give a damn, we dont give a fuck!*
I wish that fo one day..i could stand up straight, hold my head up high, and look everyone in the eye..
AND TELL EM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP, AND GET A FUCKIN LIFE!!
Im soo fuckin sick of ppl talkin shit, like seriously, why cant we either *all get along* or jus leave eachother *the fuck alone* Wat is soo hard bout dat?!
One day, im gonna be outta here..one day ill be living somewhere soo much better than here..and im gonna look bak on these days, while i was sittin here wasting my life away depressing over every lil thing, and im jus gonna laugh, and move on wif my life, and forget about all of these things dat have happened, and everything will be happily ever after.. =)
Yah fuckin rite..like dat will ever fuckin happen! I dont care anymore..theres nuffin to care bout anymore..
If i were to jus lay down n die the most painful death rite now, this very second, it would be better than the pain im endearing rite now..i fuckin hate this..i feel like my head is bout to explode..i cant stop like thinkin bout everything, like im seriously goign crazy..within my head..and everyone around me jus thinks dat everything is perfect and nobody will believe me dat inside im DIEING, and its driving me even more nuts! And i cant take this anymore..im crying on the inside, and its killing me..
I need thee, where art tho in thy time of despair? *shakespere* Amazin man rite there..its funny how he can take words from hundreds of years ago, and they can be da ones i need to say to you rite now..
I will miss wat we once had..but ill take another breath, ill live another day..
at least i hope..
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2003 10 November :: 3.26pm
Yay t day..was absolutly..SHITTY! *sigh* =(
i unno it was okay at some points..but now its jus like blah..i had alotta fun wif Gloria and ex Becky Dawn t day!!
But as soon i get home..and my mom is all rude n shit..and den like yah something else..well geesh there goes my good mood..*watches it fly rite out da window* I unno..
Im not going out to dinner wif my family now..I hate all of em! They all need to seriously jus *accidently* die..cept megan she was there fo me last nite when i was crying she hugged me and like we talked fo a lil bit den she had to leave to go pick up adam but ya know it was still kool of her..Either im going to jus go wif James n a lil bit..or im jus gonna go lay down n sleep..until 2marro..or maybe da next day..maybe i could jus go to bed n never wake up again..
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2003 9 November :: 9.11pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: Soo yesterday..lizzie mcguire!! HELL YAH!!
Hehe nothing really happened t day..i didnt tell britt dat i was wif brittney t day..hmm im gonna call her so maybe ill tell her den..not dat its a big deal anyway..but still i unno..
I luv brittany soo much! Shes soo friggin awesome! And sooo friggin sweet! I cant believ eim still bestest friends wif her i luv her soo much! hehe!
I also luv my mikey!! Hes so sweet!! Me n my gramz had a talk but him t nite when she called..she said dat he sounded like an awesome dude and shes glad dat i found a good enough guy fo me..shes soo sweet i luv dat lady!! Hehe But den she said something bout askin him if he wanted to go to florida wif me dis winter vaca..n im like uhm well yah ill bring it up..HAH YEAH RITE..we prolly wont even go out dat long =( I unno i jus love dat lady..and she brought up somethng else really awesoem!! Hehe! I luv her! I unno
Lets see nuffin happened t day! Latah everyone!
me..
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2003 7 November :: 10.05pm
23 hugs t day! WOo HOo!!
Hehe yah dats rite i didnt do anythign cept go to work and had a few ppl over, but i still got 23 hugs! hehe i luv hugs it makes ppl and myself feel soo much better! heh =)
No britters again t day..ahh oh well..now ill jus have to miss her until maybe 2marro nite? I unno..cuz ive gotta go to work at like 9 and im sure i wont talk wif her den..and i cant call her t nite..oh well..i luv you britters..hope ur havin a great weekend!! hehe luv you!!
I dont know not too much happened t day..me n britt were surrposed to get married t day..i unno if we did or not but oh well hehe i luv her! =) mwaha!
Well im off to bed fo now..cuz like yah 1. Bored 2. ppl r being really gay..n bringin *negative* to my *positive* world mwaha.. 3. No britters 4. Tired..*Snores*5. Gotta wake up early heh =)
Well ill write more 2marro! Much luv to everyone!
Me n Monika's sayin *Dat i made up!!!* *Give hugs not hate* mwahah!
I luv all of you!! Latah..
Love,
me..
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2003 7 November :: 3.13pm
:: Mood: thankful
:: Music: Walk a little Straighter *By i unno*
I miss mah BritterZ!!
Awwe man! Being happy is so much better than being sad..Everyone keeps askin me how i am, and im like jus AMAZING..and they ask if there is any reason why im so happy, and i say..nope jus loving and living life!! Hehe! I dont know why, but i really honestly do feel like my life has changed! Everything feels soo much better!
My friends::thier all sayin dat im seeming much happier..haha and ya know whas funny a few ppl even asked me wat was wrong when i said dat i was soo wonderful, and i said nuffin cuz i was soo honestly happy ya know..and thier like no really whas wrong, i know ur lieing, jus covering up something..ahahahahaha dats great..but oh well i know im happy and dats really all dat matters to me!!
My family::Has even noticed dat my attitude has changed..ive been being soo friggin nice to wilson n my step dad n my mommy, some of you dat knows how mean i was before would be soo *Proud* of me..haha but really i luv my family..
I luv my friends!!
I luv my family!!
I luv my life!!!!!
WOo HOo! Im done living *down here* and its time to start *living up here* I want my life better, and dats exactly wat its going to be..
Thanks to everyone whose still surpporting me! I luv you all! I'll always be here fo you!
Me n mikey boo are great..oh gosh it feels soo much better to have told him da truth..i luv him, well maybe not love cuz i dont really know wat love is..but i really really like dis guy, i havent felt this way in..well i dont know how long its been..i dont really think ive ever felt like this! Mike i really like you, and im soo glad dat were going out! I hope da same goes fo you too! Thanks babey boy!! I LUV YOU!!
Brittany *holy shit, staceys moms video jus came on when i typed brittany* lmao!! but neways i jus wanted to say thanks fo always being there fo me when i really needed you, ur a great person and i know dat someday you'll be able to see dat! I luv you soo much and im soo glad dat were best friends..i dont care bout anything else rite now..Britt n Jill best friends forever..no more jealously i dont care bout emily stacey courtney becky whoever! Your my best friend and dats all dat there is too it, i dont care if you've got other best friends, cu zi know dat you care bout me and i care bout you and dats all dat honestly matters anyway..If you ever need anythign you know ill be here fo you too! Cuz dats wat friends are fo rite? Lets not fight anymore sweetie, cuz i hate when we fite its jus urgh stupid and pointless, i want to be da best friend dat i can be fo you, and dats all there is to it..I LUV YOU BRITTANY! BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!! NO MATTER WAT HAPPENS!! No matter wat happens in my life, even if we never talk again, ill always member you and you will be da one friend dat i tell my lil grand daughters about..hehe luv u lots!!
To all my other friends i do luv you too!
But g2g to work..so i can get dat lil present fo britters, hehe! Now i really do have to see you dis winter vaca..no matter wat..even if i have to fly into fort myers first or wateva! No matter wat ive gotta give you something special =) I LUV YOU! latah babey girl!!
LOVE ALWAYS,
XoX~*Jilly*~xOx
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2003 6 November :: 4.54pm
:: Mood: impressed
wow they were rite..!!!
Omfg i got 107 hugs today, i was countin to see how many i could get cuz da ppl at da challenge day thingy siad dat ppl say you need 3 hugs a day to have a good day, but 12 was wat they thought was wat would really make you happy, and like i tried to get alot and wow i did!!! Hehe, i hugged alotta hot dudes too *wink da wink*
Also like steff said, after dat whole challenge day thing ive really been thinking, ive been thinkin bout everything, and ya know wat..im going to change..im going to be a better person and a better friend *ex to britt* and im going to try harder in skool and im going to be happy, and talk bout my feelings and get help n shit! Im dead serious know dat ive said dis before but like im seroiusly going to change now! No question bout it, i started t day, i stopped wif rude comments and started being nicer to everyone, and wif all my hugs hehe =)
And ive also been thinkin about my true friends and da very few dat i do have..but dats enough fo me, like before i felt like i needed to meet everyone and be friends wif everyone and now its jus like..im good wif wat i have cuz wat i have is da BEST ever!! I would like to say thanks to some of my TRUE friends::
BRITTANY MARIE GAMESTER..
BECKY DAWN MCDERMOTT..
STEFFANIE ANN LEICHT..
MICHEAL ALLAN COLMEN..
SIDNEE DEANN DUFFEY..
James Micheal Monthese..
Tiffany Marie Monthese..
Allison Jean Maloney..
Amber Lynn Jones..
Chelsea Rose Grinnell
If i forgot anyone dat really is a true friend dem im srry but those r da ones dat really r true friends..like ppl dat have been there through thick n thin and id never trade fo anything in da whole world..
Other friends may include::Brittney B *not S* Gloria *Loopi* Stephanie S. Kristie C. Ariel M. Cassie B. Lisa M. Brittani L. Steve B. Taylor S. Cassie S. Tom M. Chelsie W. *of korse* Jill Z. Liz B. Judy P. Brianna W. *Perv* Sara M. *wub yew* Jenna T. Chad B. Amanda H. *Mah Cupcake mwuhz* Tiffany H. *Always n forever* Steve-o- Alex M. Danielle D. Danielle F. Jessica B. *Big sis fo life* Jessica W. *good luck wif Evan* Evan S. *oh babey* Hailey *geel better babe* Hell*ana* Jake H. Ryan J. Ryan F. Katie K. Alandra *grrr..* Martin H. Jordan B. Jordan D. and last but not least Rachel F.
I LUV ALL OF YOU!!
g2g tho now..love ya always latah!
love,
me..
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2003 5 November :: 9.18pm
:: Mood: thankful
omfg!!
BRITTANY YOU HAVE TO READ DIS RITE NOW!!!
Today was like da second best day of my whole friggin life! *1st being da day dat i met brittany* im seriosuly dat challenge day thign was like life changing and im soo happy dat i went..i dont even know wat to say bout it..i feel liek im a better person now, and like wif becky i feel like were closer and its awesome and wif tiffany i feel like i got to know alotta ppl on a much diff level and like they got to know me better fo who i really was, and fo once in a crowded room i didnt feel judged at all!! I loved it, i want to change my life now, and im going to *Im going to be da change dat i want to be in da world fo now on* Im dead serious dat was like da most amazin day ever! I was soo inspired by the ppl there, and becky and tiffany and dat andriee or howeve ru spell it girl, and its awesome cuz shes goint to dj at my work on sat da 15th and yah i cant wait, cuz shes like a soph in college but sehs AWESOME, and she helped me a ton! I luv her, i dont even knwo anymore..
Hey to all my friends, if you feel like id ont appreciate you as much as i sould and i dont say dat i luv you as much as i sould, i jus want u to know dat im srry and dat all of you mean everythign to me, it dont matter if we were friends and arent now or wateva, all of you made me who i am t day and i dont know wat iw ould do without any of you, i luv all of you no more or less. Thanks fo always being there fo me! I appreciate all of you! and i will always love ALL OF YOU! Thank you!
Brittany you seriously mean everythign to me tho, i luv you soo much and i promise that things r going to be diff, you watch n see. Im changin and i want u to know dat i luv you soo much and im soo glad dat we met cuz i dont know wat i would do without you youve changed my life so much and i cant even begin to explain everything dat you mean to me and i cant even begin to name off all of da diff things dat youve done fo me and all da diff things dat i appreciate and luv about you, so ill jus say dat i luv you and everything about you and i hope dat were friends forever because my life woudntbe da same without you and i really hope dat you can forgive me fo everything dat ive ever done to you, things will be diff i promise...but ill stop now so yah if you get on t nite any time call me if you can i luv u soooo friggin much! Latah chickie boo!!
BEST FRIENDS FOREVER NO MATTER WAT I LUV YOU MORE DEN ANYTHING IN DA WHOLE WORLD!!
LOVE ALWAYS,
JILLY!!
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2003 4 November :: 9.07am
:: Mood: cold
ahh stupid fuckers!
I fuckin hate skool, dats why im here instead of being at skool in well lets see Core plus 2/geomtry class well till 9 10 den im off to Computer Tech, ahh wif mrs rodman shes sucha bitch! She called Bri Bri stupid n all dis shit last week and made her cry, and den da next day when i had her class, SHE HAD A SUB, so i couldnt bitch her out bout it!! But i think dat im going to go to skool wif like a half an hour of 3rd hour left and bitch her out jus fo da hell of it!! *Looks innocent*
Ahh last nite was horrible, rite when i first get to work, mark has to bitch me out, and den dana screams at me, and so im all upset and den im cryin and den i have to run to da bathroom cuz icouldnt stop cryin and i got sick! ICKY!! And like when i did stop cryin i would walk out and see someone and they would say some smart shit to me and i would jus start cryin again, and dat party had like all my old teachers from last year, and like all these ppl in my grade dat go to my skool, and like all these ppl from other skools i knew, ahh it was HORRIBLE!!
And dne i had da worst headach, but my momy gave me half of her vicodine lol so i was good, but neways yah im going to get ready fo skool now LATAH GATOR!! hah
I luv u more den anything in da whole world brittany marie Gamester!!
ONLY *3 MORE DAYS* AHAHA!!
:*:~Jilly~:*:
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2003 3 November :: 10.00pm
:: Mood: indescribable
Indescribable in a bad way..
Urgh i had a really shitty day at work t day..i told my mom dat i wasnt workin dis weekend when she already scheduled me to work, and i told her dat i wasnt going to work where ppl treatin me like shit and like i was nothing jus cuz im younger..*so basically I QUIT*
Urgh i fuckin hate da ppl there, and thier my family so yah dats great aint it?
Urgh i wish dat all of em *ex my "step dad"* would jus ACCIDENTLY fall off a cliff and DIE!! *Grabs a knife outta da drawer and casually strowls behind him, whistling* mwaha *looks innocent wit da bloody knife in her hand*
I unno, i wonder where britt is? I miss her! And oh yah britt ur friend *Daniel Lupo* says *Hey babe* hehe while im on ur sn rite now!! But neways luv u lots babe but im dead tired and im really going to bed rite this second, *Too much cryin of korse* :o( ahh shit luv u bye!!
Love always,
~*ME*~
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2003 3 November :: 4.39pm
:: Mood: tired as hell!!
Britt u wanted me to update so yah im updatein but i have no idea wat to say and ive gotta go cuz my mom is waitin fo me outside rite dis second lol..
Neways lets see dis week was okay i guess..
fri-was horrible den good fo halloween nite!
sat-was pretty bad all i did was work..ick!!
sun-was SHITTY! urgh..
i unno work sat sun mon thurs fri sat ick!
haha and they actually thought dat i would be able to take off work to fit around CHEERLEADIN!! I cant believe dat they even asked me to be a cheerleader! hehe dats hrorible i hate cheerleaders :o)
Neways ive really gotta go now before my mom has a hard attack!! I luv u sooo much brittany and u write in ur journal again t nite so dat i hvae something to read t nite! Luv u lots bye!!
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2003 29 October :: 7.34pm
:: Mood: numb
Another one!!
Awwe holy fuckin shit!!! Jimmy died too! Yesterday im pretty sure!! Dats fuckin crazy everyone is dieing!!
Like in da begining of da summer in june...Justin was killed in a car accident...den on July 30th Jeri was killed in a car accident...and den now Jimmy was hit by a CAR, does dat sound like a pattern going there? Urgh who da hell is next?!
God how many more innocent ppl are you giong to take from our lives?! Whose next? Am i? Is brittany? Is Amber? Is Mike? Who who who!?! Take your pick...were all here at ur finger tips...Wat da hell is it like some kind of iny miny miney mo {catch a tiger by his toe} Game or something? Were all at your finger tips as u know...so you mite as well get it over wit...you evil fuckin bastard!!
*But if you would happen to choice Brittany Marie Gamester, take me instead, give me the most painful death...rip out my heart, chop me to a million pieces while im alive, drown me, drop me from a buildin, do wat you did to Jimmy and run me over twice while im still alive like he was...do wateva da hell you wish to do wif me...jus dont take Brittany...MY ONLY WISH* <<
Im sick of everyone dieing...randy my aunt my cuzin my grandma justin jeri jimmy...geesh dont u think dats enough from my life?!
*gets down on her knees and prays {to da god she dont believe in} and prays dat da rest of her friends r okay, and live FOREVER!*
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2003 29 October :: 7.14pm
:: Mood: sleepy
Okay im pretty sure dat me and Mike offically started going out on October 17th but im not sure...cuz he told Ryan dat we were going out on da 15th but he asked me on da 17th, so which one sould i pick? I think im jus gonna go wit da 17th cuz dats one of my lucky numbers!! Hehe...but yah i unno, we havent really been talkin much lately...and i dont think dat he wants to go out anymore...*sigh* Jus another guy to add to dat *L---O---N---G ass lists of guys-i-went-out-wit-fo-no-damn-reason...urgh i dont wanna have him be one of those guys tho...cuz i really like dis one...its weird, its like a first crush all over again...everytime i talk wif him i get these really weird butterfly feelings, and i giggle alot, and i smile constantly, and its crazy lol...but i unno it will prolly turn out to be nothing AGAIN!! But ahh oh well...
I unno me n Britt havent really been talkin lots lately either...like t day fo example she keeps leavin forever and i havent like talked to her at all t day...I unno whas going on there either...*sigh*
Maybe im jus going to lose everyone again...all my friends...my boyfriend...everything! Well everything dat means anything to me! Urgh dis is so stupid...and pointless...im done bye!
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2003 28 October :: 7.35pm
:: Mood: frustrated
I had a very well as my mood says, frustratin day t day! Alotta crap jus happened to go wrong t day, on da one day dat iive gotta go talk wif Becky {stupid ass counsler lady} Urgh like wit Cassie...shes sucha bitch and i seriously dont even know why i try wit her these days! Shes always going to stab me in da bak! Shes not da same person as she was before! And da new pesron really isnt da kinda person dat i wanan be friends wit...so why cant i jus forget bout her?
And James is all pissed off at me cuz im going out wit Mike, and dats really shitty cuz he made dis really huge scene at skool t day! We were in Gym and like we had to play b ball wit eachother, cuz were in da same squad and like yah he started yellin at me and sayin all dis shit bout mike when he dont even know mike and he kept sayin dat im fuckin ruining our friendship and dat im makin him hate himself and shit like dat...urgh i luv da kid to death but dats pretty fucked up...and ex since he said all of it rite in front of everyone in gym class! Everyone heard it!! And den he left da class and went into da locker room and i left da class and jus left da building and like was really pissed off so i jus went outside on da cross country trail till 3rd hour started...i freezed my ass off too...ick!
And jus everyone else was all pissed off t day, like cassie is mad at lisa, so cassie asked sid to be her partner in tech and lisa was all mad at both of em cuz like they ditched her and i was mad cuz i was ditched too and den lisa wanted to be my partner and i didnt wanna say no cuz i luv her to death, but she dont do shit, and we'v egot a hard station this time, and im not smart enough to jus do it myself and i dont wanna do it myself and im not fuckin failin dat class and havin to take a whole semester again wit dat stupid bitch teacher! Urgh...
Den tiffany was mad at Amber and i was talkin wit amber and tiff thought dat i was talkin bout her to her and i wouldnt do dat cuz tiff is like my really good friend and i really wouldnt do dat anyway cuz i hate ppl dat talk shit behind ppls baks...i mean da way i see it, if u gonna talk shit talk it to thier face...and den like yah so tiff was all mad at me and den i tried smoothing things over wit her and amber got mad at me and yah dat was shitty too!!
But bout da only thing positive dat happened t day was...well cept dat i got an email from sara...but cuz in 3rd hour we got new seats and i sit rite in da way bak corner and autumn sits rite in front of me on dat table and still faces me and me and chris share a table! I luv chris hes been my good friend forever! Hes so cute n so sweet! I luv him!! hehe!
Geesh i had a frustratin day tho...i think dat ppl need to jus GET OVER THEMSELVES, and stop bitchin! --Words of wisdom from Jillane! hehe
Love awlays,
xox~*Jilly*~xox
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2003 27 October :: 6.22am
:: Mood: tired
ZzZzZzZzZ...*snores*
Urgh brittany u better not stay home from school t day! Cuz i really cant, ive got a science test to finish t day...ick! Plus yah ive already got 5 absences on B days and if i get one more ill have to do dat whole deal and like yah i dont really wanna lose credit fo all those core classes and den still have to finish da skool year wit em!! Ick! Ahh oh well ill talk wit u latah chicka...hopefully t nite! hehe
Love alwyas,
~*Jilly*~
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2003 26 October :: 11.07pm
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2003 26 October :: 11.04pm
:: Mood: frustrated
Could things get any worse...?
Urgh t day was pretty shitty but we wont get into dat rite now...i'll write bout dat 2marro maybe...but i jsu watned to tell Britt dat i luv her so much and dat i really did have to leave and i hope dat she dont stay home 2marro cuz dats really mean...ick! heh I luv u more den anything and i unno maybe we'll talk 2marro luv you lots! Bye!
P.s. write in ur journal *sticks tongue out at brittany* hehe :-p
Love always,
~*Jilly*~
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2003 26 October :: 12.01pm
:: Mood: crappy
oh nuffin...
Awwe dang it, Britt said dat she would be bak...but NO she never came bak, and now its like 12 and ive gotta go...urgh fucker...i wanted to talk to her t day too! And now i cant! Well actually maybe latah t nite at like 10 or so...but i unno if i can even do dat cuz i have so much friggin hw and ive got so much to do, and now ive gotta go to work extra extra early cuz im not surposed to be there till 4 but now we 've gotta leave rite now cuz da ppl changed thier fuckin minds...everyone seems to be doing dat lately if u ask me...but ahh oh well i unno t day was jus blah...
But last nite was pretty awesome cuz i got to talk to my fav asshole!! Heheh i Luv britt more den anything in da whole world...ahh stacey jus got online!! hehe i hate her!! *growls* hehe
I unno wat to say in here...but maybe i sould go do my hair n everything...gotta look cute fo work he he! But now i cant be gettin numbers and now i wont be able to find someone dat will take a break wit me outside...cuz...
IM GOING OUT WIT MIKEY BOO! heheheh I luv you mike!
Neways gonna go now luv you all latah!
Lov ealwyas,
~*Jilly*~
Oh i almost forgot...britt i wanted u to see dis quote dat i put in my info its...
I hope that one day you'll come to realize, how perfect you are when seen through my eyes...perfect fo us i luv you chicka bye!
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2003 25 October :: 12.40pm
:: Mood: cold
ahh fuck!!
Okay first i lose all my close friends...which i was gettin used to since its been happening fo a while now...but den i lose my good friend Stacey...and now da i lost da only thing worth livin fo, i lost my britterZ!! ahh fucker!!
*Sigh*
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2003 23 October :: 11.34pm
:: Mood: confused
I did a really really bad thing t nite! I broke a huge promise to britt...and i didnt mean to, and im really really srry! I wish dat i could take it bak! But now i cant! And she dont know wat im talkin bout which is totally a good thing! And if i would have not flipped out she would have never known anyhting bout it! I tried not to but it jus happened and im so confused, and everything is fuckin crazy! I dont even nko wwat to say!
Ill jus leave! Like britt
bye!
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