sandatthebeach
|
::
2004 21 December :: 12.40pm
Confession time.
I don't want to kiss anyone on stage. I don't think anyone understands. I haven't had my first kiss yet...and dammit I don't want it to be staged. That's the last thing I want.
Ah fuck. I'm being selfish...I need to get over my personal discomforts...but grrrrr. Don't get me wrong...I'm grateful for this part. I just....::sigh:: I don't want to explain. Fuck it.
Are you a purple cow?
|
|
sandatthebeach
|
::
2004 21 December :: 12.26pm
:: Mood: empty
Can you feel the love tonight?
I do feel empty. I guess I'm not satisfied.
You know what I realized? Once the seniors now graduate...I'm screwed. This means I will never be leaving the house again...for social purposes. I don't really have friends anymore. The only person I see and talk to is Patrice. I'm not complaining about that..I love Patrice to death. It's just...what happened? I lack the social skills to make new friends and I'm too impatient to keep the one's I have now. I don't know....are they still there? Or have they moved on? Have I moved on?
This is stupid, yes, I'm aware...but it's just....even now...I come online to just sit. I don't talk to anyone online anymore. Every once in awhile I'll ask someone a question or they'll ask me something....then we die.
Maybe I feel this way because it's the Holiday season. Once again, I feel very much alone.
I really want to talk to someone. Anyone.
But what would I say?
Are you a purple cow?
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2004 20 December :: 1.00am
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: nightmare before xmas
allstate...again...
so today was not all that bad...a few things went wrong on the show but eh, what can you do? hopefully downstate, stage left will know whats going on...
People Who Were Supposed to Come:
Mum
Dad
Elaine
Steve
Dorthea
Bernard
Jen
Mushroom
Neil
Natalia
Campy
Who ACTUALLY Came
Jen
Mushroom
Mum
Dad
i was really upset
neil didnt come. jen didnt comment on much
neil most likely wont go to the performance in champaign
i figured jen'd forget, but im proud of her for not
but i have to say that im sad she didnt even critisize, almost as if she fell asleep.
it's something thats really important to me. like normal shows are important, but i would hope that my closest friends and neighbours and such would care enough to come. oh well though.
one good thing came out of it.
my dad said that we have to talk about this school thing next year. he said "you cant go to CLC and actually go somewhere. you arent going to be focused on theatre, you're going to be too involved in other things. you know how you are."
I'm sort of happy about that.
i dont know.
the ISU kids were sorta mean about my portfolio. i have to redo pretty much everything, and the things that took the most work and i was most proud of just went ::woosh:: while they fell off the page.
neils sick
elaines sick
dorthea threw out her back
dogs still in pain from her "removal"
and jeramiah is perfect; a secret obsession, i guess.
if you care to ask, ill let you know...
or if im in the mood, ill tell you anyway...
sleep now...work tmro.....and the next day.
this break sucks so far and we're three days in.
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow?
|
goose
|
::
2004 17 December :: 2.57pm
Funny things
what the hell is this?
Just pretend that its a taco
the doughnut got excited
bassoon kid has a bigger stick because his is made of wood
someome should stick a really hot french fry in your eye
i miss my cupcake
moron
sexuals
meeting at caribou on thrursday! 10 am!
grab the gym teachers balls
chair races
and thats all i can think of...today was a fun day! party on dudes! WInter break starts in 15 minutes!!! :)
Are you a purple cow?
|
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2004 17 December :: 8.38am
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: ::type, type, type:: of patrices computer
Friday morning in the library
In a much better mood today. Patrice made me laugh. Shes good at that. The kid sitting in front of me has a duck on his shirt¡Kthat¡¦s weird for a boy. I suppose it depends what it says though. He¡¦s looking at cars online. And typing something. Then there¡¦s people who are writing papers and this is one of the few times I can stretch out and say ¡§ahh¡Kno papers to do.¡¨ It¡¦s freeing really. You should try it.
Today is the last school day for a while. I have to leave early for allstate. It scared me this morning when Christine came to my door and rung the doorbell.
I don¡¦t want to leave. Im going to miss frouny. And I kinda like school. ƒ¼
Oh well I guess. Preview of summer I suppose.
Neils coming tonight too. Which I should be excited about, but oddly enough, im not. In fact, im only scared and extremely nervous. Look my arms shaking¡Koh¡Knevermind¡Kthat would be the fact that it hurts from typing.
Patrice is typing in an orange box.
Last night I called neil, which I know I shouldn¡¦t do. I think ill take his name off my phonebook just so that I don¡¦t. I know it by heart though¡Kits okie I can second guess myself if I don¡¦t just press four.
I did my best not to complain. He told me I wont have a life if I work all the time but I told him its okie cuz id just be bored otherwise. I don¡¦t think he knows what its like to be idling in between friendships and stages of life. He¡¦s a boy who doesn¡¦t do too much paying attention. I feel like a car¡Kidling.
Yay¡Kone minute.
Happy holidays to the school¡K
Are you a purple cow?
|
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2004 16 December :: 4.14pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: the furnace
frustation
I'm in latin. i want to write this to jen, but i9 know it is something so futile to her that she won't care. She is enveloped in herself and mushroomness.
Today, at lunch, we had a "family meeting". We discussed my needing to clean, tyler's unspecified grocery list, mum's patience, and the family's drinking habits. We were pretty objective through the most of it; it was a meeting to tell mum we are worried about her drinking. I began by saing how i dilike drinking so much and how it's embarressing that even my friends dont respect her through all her drunkenness. She says shell cut down. Who believes her but herself? Tyler proposed extracting all alcohol from the house. Dad offered an appointement with this counsler with whom he had to sort out his D.U.I. She denied it all and said she'd figure it out on her own. She said she needs a month to sx weeks. By 16 Januar, we will be rid of alcohol, if all goes accordingly. It wont through. But i think im the only on who kmnows that.
Th other uncoverd issue of my pathetic exhistence is my fear of neil breaking up with me. i think he's sick of dealing with me...
then again, in the bathroom i was just thinking how jen had me to care for her and now that something new has come in, she forgot about what i might need in return from her. and then thinking neil doesnt want me.
its odd, because both my brother and my pasts were very independent, at least mine anyway. we dont know what its like to have soemone genuinely care about us and the things we do. So the slightest bit of not paying attention lands me in exactly the same spot i hate people when they're in.
i've been talking to patrice which is good...i dont have to depend on neil, the kid who would rather talk to his floormates and play video games, or hope to talk to jen in the next week. not that patrice is a last resort. i try to leave people alone as much as i can. patrice hates being left out too and so id rather hang out with her than someone who is included and doesnt care to talk about depressing subjects, or rather, listen to me at all.
i figure ill be in trouble for this one, too. but then i figure i'd rather than not say antyhign. i think ill just write in this from now on because its a hell of a lot easier than trying to incorporate emotion into a conversation.
jen is no fair and i dont l,ike it. some best friend i guess...
2 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
|
|
goose
|
::
2004 13 December :: 10.33pm
This is how i feel, dont talk to me about it
All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why
[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me
I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind
[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell
Are you a purple cow?
|
sweetyas
|
::
2004 13 December :: 4.53pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: TV
Crew
SO i talked ot my parents about doing crew, actually my dad. He was like you did what we told you to do i.e. get good grades and so i can do crew but then he went to explain how y i shouldnt:
1. my grandma's leaving no one to take care ofthe house
2. my dad is getting another job which means he goes to work at 7 in the morning adn comes home at midnight
3. my mom is working a lot
Therefore i should stay home with my brothers and clean and do trheir h/w w/them. but i want to do crew. i sound so selfish.
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow?
|
|
goose
|
::
2004 8 December :: 7.55pm
Did you know that there are more plastic flamingos than real ones in the united states?
from the book of totally usless information
Are you a purple cow?
|
|
goose
|
::
2004 7 December :: 2.41pm
No homewok again, althogh i really should do my columbia essay im not exactly in the right mind set to do that now...so im writing.
So woohu changed a bit since i was last here! i like it. new users have to get a code from a current user now to join. which is what ujournal and livejournal and all them have.
So, im bored. I need to take my pictures today, sorry moore but they need to get dont today.
Once again i have nothing to do today. I wish chris would call me back about the concert, hes really pissing me off, im guessing we're not going anymore... :(
I need to buy photo paper
Are you a purple cow?
|
|
sweetyas
|
::
2004 7 December :: 8.52pm
:: Mood: Headachish
:: Music: kiss fm (jayz w/linkin park thats what i call good music)
TODAY
Today was shit, i was in such a bad mood cuz of my biology test. Let me be honest man i hate that class right now. But i mean how do you. expect me to act when i get four tests back in three classes, it wasnt pretty. So i sorta told susie that shes a horrible person adn she cant complain if she causes her own personal problems. She smokes, like half of our school, and she was complaining about her bf over smoking adn what not andi just got really mad and was like you know what susie you cant complain about him you smoke too, adn you cant complain about anything to do with him because you chose to go out with him. I feel really bad for saying it but i mean its true.
I think im too honest with some people and i guess thats a really bad thing. I mean people appreciate honesty but they hate you when you are honest wtih them. I mean its little things that peopel get mad about and im sorry but u get mad if i lie adn you get mad if im too honest people just really suck monkey butt.
Question du jour:
Should i go to college here in illinois (stay at home) or go to Purdu?
If i go here i have to stay at home, continue to live with my parents adn what not. I save a lot of money like about ten thousand dollars per year. But the girl at work told me i need to go to purdue because i need to find out who i am and i cant do that if i continue to live with my parents. Plus if i get to leave i get freedom. I need that, imagine my curfew will still be about ten o'clock when im in college. I dont want to be a townie. I dont want to be here next year but...i dont know. Its so confusing. GRRRR. Money vs. freedom. maybe. Family Vs. Freedom.
sweetyas
Are you a purple cow?
|
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2004 5 December :: 4.00am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: 90.1
1.) Copy and paste this into your journal:
<*font color="yourusername"> <*b>yourusername<*/b> <*/font>
2.) (Eliminate the asterisks)
3.) See what color you are
mudpiegrl
battlestarre
woo funness...
today i went to caribou with patrice...
my plan for today was
1) buy slippers for mum for xmas
2) go to caribou, get coffee, work on paper
3) babysit
but patrice called as i pulled into target and i picked her up from her three hour "break" and i got slippers and we spent an hour in caribou, then i babysat...the paper worked itself out of it...
we talked about a lot...im glad too...
i know im going to be in trouble for this one, but she has this connection that i miss having. i had/have it with jen, but its rare i talk to her. same with sandy. and patrice. but it felt good today just to spill, and listen to her spill. with everyone else, its either one or the other, or just laughs and games. i could talk to patrice forever though. so many late nights.
babysitting was soo fun. the girls were the next door neighbours of the first people i babysat since i moved here in seventh grade. they recommend me. yay. ive never babysat just one child. two is the lowest and its gone up to five, which isnt as much as jen...but still never just one. there were two girls, both very imaginative and active. three and five and a half ( i remember when you were "five and a quarter", it was so exciting; life gets boring when you get old). they were fun. the parents were surprised that i made them clean up. they said i might possibly be the best babysitter they've ever had.
ama go sleep now.
g'night.
Are you a purple cow?
|
Anytngbtordinary
|
::
2004 29 November :: 9.13pm
:: Music: Love Will Keep Us Alive- The Eagles
So Mr. Mann talked about the difference between guys and girls today.
He said that girls have so many connections in their brains...they think of every possibility and every consequence to things...guys can only concentrate on one thing at a time. His impression of a guy's mind at work was "me watch tv. She talk to me, me look away from tv and listen. Tv still on. Me watch tv. Me get up and get chips now." it was so funny!
Then he gave the guys advice saying, if you take on thing away from this class, let this be it.
He said when a girl is talking and complaining about stuff like her mom or friends or something, all a guy should do is listen. He says every guys first response is to solve things for the girl like "well why dont you try talking to her?" but he said all a girl wants is someone to listen to them,they can solve things on their own. He said guys always look for an immediate solution to things but in this case, all they should say is "Hmm, I'm really sorry thats a tough situation." Or something along those lines. It was so funny... and amazingly pretty true.
Any guys out there....listen to that.
~Jackie
Are you a purple cow?
|
|
goose
|
::
2004 29 November :: 8.41pm
This is the kind of week that you revel in, with the potential for plenty of drama, mystery, magic and a big dollop of romance. Jupiter trines Neptune on Monday, and gives you a lot of ideas to play with. Now you can tap into the awesome power of imagination and use this to enhance your chances of reaching your goals. Mercury, the planet of commerce and communication turns retrograde on Tuesday in Sagittarius, which may well create delays regarding career issues. The weekend will be a barrel of laughs!
Bah!
So I was showing off my goregous bracelet all day today. People were like ohhh and ahhh and i was like hehe yup :D Thats MY Spency. giggle giggle.
Are you a purple cow?
|
|
goose
|
::
2004 29 November :: 9.29am
My computer isnt working so im not going to do anything. (Im in Architectual Drawing...blah) yeah so the program i need to use doesnt work right on this computer and the computer that it does work on won't let me log on, so im going to try and come early tomorrow because now im going to be behind. so anyway, Gilmore Girls is on tomorrow woo! Im going to jories house 2 night woo it wont be a super boring monday night. haha, last night we went to the mall to get a gumball it was so funny, yeah thats my story, i dont really feel like actually explaining anything right now just know that it was funny. hahaha. i should work on my comtemporary fiction project its due monday and i have a lot of work to do so i shall go now. bye bye <3 Jillian!
Are you a purple cow?
|
|